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Doktor Mofin is Back! Asks Which Works – Private Relationships vs. Public Relationships

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Joro Olumofin

Joro Olumofin

Joro ‘Doktor Mofin’ Olumofin is back with more relationship insight and this week he asks, ‘Are private relationships better than public relationships?’

Read his thoughts below:

Which is more prolific or Prosperous down the line? Does the type of relationship you’re in determine how prosperous the relationship will be? 

This topic has been debatable for a while as many relationship experts and psychologists alike ponder on which type of relationships have the potential to last longer and be more prosperous. There are 2 major types of relationships

(1) Private Relationships or as our generation calls it today (Low-key)

(2) Public Relationships (Media, Red Carpet, Social Media oriented)

Private Relationship are relationships or courting in which a couple decide to keep their affairs, relationships issues, daily activities and information private or to a very limited and small circle. Often times the couples has come to some type of mutual agreement to keep their affairs to themselves and no involves third-parties. The are very much in love and do everything a “normal couple” would but the main difference is they just don’t share their private moments, disagreements, etc with the world allowing outsiders to interfere. Some couples in private relationships may even get engaged and married and not even their co-workers or friends know about it; or have minimum information regarding it. They may be anti-social media and red carpet.

Public Relationships are relationships or courting in which a couple has decided to share details and information about their relationships with the world. They post pictures of their bae/boyfriend/boo on social media often (He woke up like, She woke like this -flawless, my bae is better than yours) and everyone on their different social media avenues recognize their significant other in public even from a mile away. In addition these couples are active at most red carpet events or weddings as a couple, and with glam of red carpet posts come the ugly side of disagreements. As much as they are public with the good they can also be very public with the bad; the couple may openly insult their boyfriends or girlfriends on social media during a fight and some ladies may make posts such as: “If you don’t appreciate me someone else will you big Fool”, “I’m done with men this guy is unappreciative after all I’ve done” and vice versa some guys may post: ” You will definitely and always come back to me”, ” Some people love their shoes and bags more than they love me smh”.

This being said after both relationships have been depicted, which relationships are more suitable and will last longer? In my opinion no form of relationship is set for harmony and peace as the success of relationships are based on these variables: character/personality, occupation, family orientation, attitudinal disposition etc. extroverts may like Public Relationships because it goes in line with their personality but on the contrary an introvert may not want a public relationship as he or she doesn’t like the glam life or people in their business

Pros and Cons of Public and Private Relationships

Private: (Pros) In private relationships there’s no interference from extraneous variables or the public on how you should look, your weight, what you should wear, how you should address your partner and only you two are the masters of your relationship. (Cons) Private relationships can give more room for infidelity and unfaithfulness because only a handful of individuals know of the relationship and one partner can decide to live bachelors life while in relationship. 

Public: (Pros) The relationship is full of life and social activities, it is hard for someone in a public relationship to cheat because a lot of people know his or her partner. (Cons) Too many people are your advisers and counselors and they believe they know how your relationship is and how it should go, TMI (Too much information) everyone both ur friends and enemies know a lot about significant other which can bring forth societal pressure; because of the red carpet and media life even if you’re not happy you may not be able to leave the relationship because you’re too much of a public item and often times some people may suffer in silence.

Any decision you make should appeal to and be in alignment with your persona, life orientation and views; there is only a situational approach as we all differ.

#DoktorMofin

Photo Credit: Instagram/JoroOlumofin

28 Comments

  1. lola

    May 13, 2015 at 11:38 am

    Am in support of a private relationship,you can never catch me displaying my Man’s picture online or discussing about him to every Tom,Dick and Harry.People say am too secretive but am a private person.

  2. mee

    May 13, 2015 at 11:43 am

    But really……..what is Doc Mofin WEARING?

    • Anon

      May 13, 2015 at 12:52 pm

      Clothes! Lol!! What don’t you like? The braces? The shoes?

  3. Ocean beauty

    May 13, 2015 at 11:50 am

    Only boyfriend and girlfriend matter this doctor sabi.
    After the insult wey e chop last week, he decided to cover up with extra material (oversized shirt and scarf)

  4. Paloma

    May 13, 2015 at 12:06 pm

    Aso

  5. Yhudee

    May 13, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    For me and my boo.. we have the characteristics of both sides tho more of private.. no posting of pictures on social media except bbm… our relationship issues and successes is restricted to one person or parents from both side to serve as intermediary in case of issues. He has to look good for me as do I… that’s for me..dunno about others

  6. mzyinkis

    May 13, 2015 at 1:21 pm

    I disagree with you mofin, whether private or public,a guy would cheat if he wants to,a lady would cheat if she wants to.the fact that the private couple dont air their clean and dirty laundry in public doesnt mean they are anti social or red carpet….

  7. yinkus

    May 13, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    urgh this dude needs to get a life

  8. Oluwaseun

    May 13, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    Nicely written, doc Mofin. I always look forward to reading your articles.

  9. unknown

    May 13, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    Why oh why do you guys bore us with this obviously bored narcissist, he states like the most obvious things and calls them psychology and doesn’t even have the balls to take the negativity that comes his way. This is not the kind of thing that should be encouraged because it is pure crap.

  10. polypoly

    May 13, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    chilllee please….I know a lot of people in public relationships that cheat (men & women oh, some married sef). here is the thing – peeps in public relationships already have plenty haters, so when u bring up allegations, nobody will believe u. u will be called a hater….lol

    afterall, our nollywood celebs in public relationships be out there cheating like no manz biz…..

  11. Lea

    May 13, 2015 at 7:10 pm

    Non guarantees a harmonious relationship. I feel you should do what sits right with you and if that turns out to be a mistake. Learn from your past.

  12. K

    May 13, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    I am a very jovial and outgoing person. However when it comes to relationships, especially someone I really have feelings for I become shy. And I just want us to feel what we are feeling. It’s not that I don’t want anyone to know I am in a relationship or anything I’m just shy when it comes to that. I have friends who post their relationships on social media it’s nothing bad, but when it comes to me I get shy.

  13. Hehe

    May 13, 2015 at 7:16 pm

    Please I don’t get the people that post only their boyfriends hands or back on social media. ?

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      May 13, 2015 at 11:13 pm

      lool…..

  14. Lanm

    May 13, 2015 at 9:45 pm

    I don’t necessary agree with what he said for both parties, public and private. What people really need to understand, different things work for different people. There’s no one rule to life. Something might be absurd and work for one person, something might be standard and work for another.
    Look at Dare Aliu that dated Katia for many years, and was very public about it on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc, when the relationship ended, he dated another person and he was also public with it, (I don’t understand this life). Previous and past experiences doesn’t change people’s views on things, fortunately or unfortunately.
    Whether you’re public or private, if you’re meant to be, you’ll be, if you’re not meant to be, you won’t be. Whether public or private, if he/she wants to cheat, it’ll happen. Life isn’t the same for everyone. There are even cases where you’re meant to be with someone, and it still doesn’t work, life is strange like that.
    For me, I don’t advertise my life on social media.

    • Lanm

      May 13, 2015 at 9:46 pm

      Bottom line, things are completely different for different individuals.

    • tish

      May 14, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      @May she is shaking her head because she feels like it! It’s a fact has become the conscience behind everything. Oh! If only all ‘facts’ were put out there, I just wonder.
      Offensive or not, using his name was totally unnecessary. Her/his message could have been passed across just fine.

    • May

      May 14, 2015 at 5:39 pm

      Tish really?
      They’re many unnecessary comments made on this blog. Although true, some are unnecessary. This is one of them and you’ll have to deal with it, except you and Yetunde personally know the individual that was mentioned. Please, don’t tell me that was the most “unnecessary” comment you’ve seen and read on BN? Yeah. I thought so! I’ve seen many thought-provoking but truthful comments here, as well as other websites.
      She feels like shaking her head? Did I say she shouldn’t feel like it? Haha, I told her to shake it to the weekend. Bye girl.

    • Mo

      May 14, 2015 at 8:34 pm

      I actually don’t see anything wrong with it. For crying out loud, this is a social platform. I’ve seen many cases like this here. Not saying it’s appropriate or inappropriate, but it’s not unusual to find such comments. Needless to say, the comment by the author was/is legit, as controversial (if so) as it might be.

    • Lulu

      May 14, 2015 at 11:00 pm

      And that right here is the reason I’m cautious with anything I do.
      The truth is, really we are not supposed to be bothered about these things, we should live life to the fullest and worry less about most things, as life is short, it however doesn’t realistically work in today’s world. Imagine seeing my details about a relationship like that?
      There’s nothing wrong with posting pictures of your partner on social media, but we have to agree some are unnecessary and TMI. It’s not everything you share, same goes to married people, not just people who are dating. These days you can know pretty much any & everything about someone’s life via social media, it’s alarming.
      I know an acquaintance, we went to the same Uni, Moji, we follow each other on IG, she was “dating” this guy, it didn’t last up to 5 months and she was constantly posting pictures, some completely pointless. No one needed to be told it had ended, why? She deleted ALL the pictures afterwards. Looking stupid later on.
      I met a girl at the salon recently and she was telling me how someone she didn’t know saw her at a supermarket and went to say hello, that she knows her from IG, we were like??????
      These days you know way too much information about people’s lives courtesy of them, via social media. Later they talk about people being all up in their business.
      Even people you know don’t wish you well. Besides relationships, some things are better left private. Whether you’re married, single, a student, whatever, there’s nothing wrong with sharing moments, however, not everything is for social media. Some things are regrettable later in life.
      Sorry for the epistle. ? Lol. Haha!

    • yetunde

      May 14, 2015 at 10:00 am

      Dare Aliu just had to be ‘the example’ SMH

    • May

      May 14, 2015 at 11:21 am

      Yetunde: Why are you shaking your head? It’s the fact, please deal with it. People don’t like to hear the truth.
      What he/she said above is the gospel, and not offensive in anyway. Please continue to shake your head very well, shake it into the weekend.

  15. Stoner

    May 14, 2015 at 1:31 am

    Too many other factors to consider before answering, e.g past experience and personality for instance, i think the article is a bit vague and people vary, relationships working depend on the people involved. I like mine private, still doesn’t work lmao, maybe i should try public, if e no work, doctor mofin we go revoke your license status. Lol, good job tho

  16. oy

    May 14, 2015 at 10:40 am

    i’d say a little bit of both is good for the relationship. you know what to take to the red carpet and what to keep between you guys.

  17. bunmi

    May 14, 2015 at 11:08 am

    A Relatioship with an ex that i made public and at the end of the day it didnt work out, before i got to married to my husband now, nobody knew i was in a relationship, my friends got to know when i told them i was planning for introduction…. abeg i support the private relationship ooo no room for gbeboruns and gbefilas!

  18. Rukee

    May 14, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    We die anyways and so does everything we do in life.I wonder why humans worry about the most useless things in the world.If you share or don’t share why does it matter,Humans are not made alike so why do we expect everyone to follow the same rules.We all don’t live in the same world, even though we are all on the same planet.People travel by jets and some travel by leg.So whats the beef?? Always confused by a lot of peoples opinions these days.Borrow from game of tetris, once you fit in you disappear. So abeg, diversify and do whatever makes you happy.

  19. laura

    May 20, 2015 at 7:24 am

    After being in relationship with him for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him
    back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything,
    I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and
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    cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell,
    I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and she told me there
    was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will
    return to me before three days, she cast the spell and surprisingly in the
    second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered
    the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened,
    that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy
    and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since
    then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem,or health problems
    I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and
    powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different
    from others. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, her email is
    ([email protected])you can email her if you need her assistance in your
    relationship or anything….and health issues any sickness can be cured.

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