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William Ifeanyi Moore: Don’t Say You Love Me

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These three words – ‘I Love You’ – often said, rarely meant, mostly misunderstood. We have the movies and love songs to thank for the unspoken attachment we have given to these words. In most relationships there is even some sort of power struggle as to who says it first; and oh Lord if the other person doesn’t reply with the much coveted ‘I love you too’, the relationship might just develop cancer and die as a matter of time.
I, William, am not a fan; I never have been and never will be. I mean, yes you can say it every now and then, but the daily ‘I love you’ speech is just not for me.

Firstly, I think the more people say it, the less they need to show it because we view saying it as an act of love in itself. Secondly, I am a believer in the human tendency to reaffirm things we aren’t entirely secure about. This is why black people will generally say things like ‘black and proud’ or ‘Black Power’. White people have no need for such reaffirmation. Rather, they let their silence and actions speak for them. If you love me, there is no need to tell me. I will know from how you treat me. If I feel loved, then I am loved, simple.

When I shared this idea with a friend, she asked me, what if the person did not love me? How would I ever know if they have never said it? To that I replied that even people that say it lie or don’t understand it. Sometimes they don’t share the same meaning I attach to it. As far as I am concerned, if from the person’s action, I feel loved, I really don’t care if they actually believed they loved me or not. What difference would it really make? It’s like someone screaming ‘I love Jesus, I love Jesus, he is my friend’, only to go around daily living a life completely opposite of Jesus’ example. You really think saying it a million times will make up for that?

As a poet and a writer, yes, I am a lover of words. But….and a BUT, I still think actions is where it’s at. From actions we get to see the true thoughts and intentions people have for us.

So next time someone is whispering sweet nothings into your ears, before you catch severe case of the butterflies and other such symptoms, take your time to ask yourself if their actions really complement their speech.

Ladies beware, these boys don drink pot of honey finish. Brothers beware, these babes know how to massage our ego.

A word is enough for the wise, three don pass jara.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang

William Ifeanyi Moore is an MPharm graduate from the University of Portsmouth, UK. His true passion is in novels and poetry but he cheats on them with movies, plays, and music. He believes sacrifice and compromise is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. His debut novel Lonely Roads is out on 10/12/2015. Blog: www.soulsyrup.space Twitter: @willifmoore Instagram: willifmoore

26 Comments

  1. mz_daniels

    July 8, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    When Someone loves you, it shows and you feel it.

    • Veronica eneh

      July 9, 2015 at 4:33 am

      True talk

  2. Gloria

    July 8, 2015 at 4:00 pm

    Woow…very educative

  3. Diddy

    July 8, 2015 at 4:04 pm

    you might love somebody but no longer in love with the person,u can say it a million times to ur love just for saying sake,but wat matters most is your action displayed towards ur better half

  4. EllesarisEllendil

    July 8, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    I agree completely.
    Besides what is love?? Nobody really knows, its an emotion that is felt and acted on, an ideal, a feeling. In my opinion words trivialize it, I doubt we all go around doing that movie cliche of “I love You, No I love you more, *kissy sounds* cut the phone first, no you cut first e.t.c” with our parents, yet we know, pet owners aren’t always telling our pets how much we love them, we just know. I doubt anybody tears the nylon off a new game and starts whispering “sweet nothings” to it, we just know. Jesus didn’t need to organise an “I love you guys so much” concert, his action proved how much he did.
    If you all your S.O has is words and their’s never been that act that made you know…………..well shit……

    BTW OP was the title inspired by the Gabrielle Aplin song??

    • whocares

      July 8, 2015 at 5:42 pm

      @ EllesarisEllendil- baby dont hurt me, dont hurt me, no mo!

    • William

      July 8, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      YES YES YES! It is from Gabriel Alpin’s song “Please don’t say you love me”, I think it’s off the album English Rain! Had to reply up this lol

    • EllesarisEllendil

      July 8, 2015 at 10:21 pm

      The chorus just popped into my head when I read your title?you sabi!

  5. Jade

    July 8, 2015 at 4:29 pm

    Hi William, i think i love you, can I take you out for dinner and then proceed to show you with actions just how much I love you? Email me!!!!

    • Stephanie-feld

      July 8, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      If you want something go hard for it. William where art thou. See Jade pouring her heart out. Reply her. Some of you BN’ers make my day.

  6. T.Girl

    July 8, 2015 at 4:32 pm

    well, I do agree to the fact that some people can say ‘I love you’ and don’t really mean it, I also agree that action is what really matters but there’s just this amazing feelings when som1 says I love you so I appreciate when people tell me they love me, weda they mean it or not, that’s their business but we all pray that when people say they love us? they really do.

    • Tkum

      July 8, 2015 at 4:50 pm

      ya on a long thing…

  7. Californiabawlar

    July 8, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    After dating for a couple of weeks, my ex said
    “I love you” and I responded “haha! No, you don’t” he started to spit fire and brimstone…said I was emotionally stunted… I didn’t even get mad. I just don’t know how to play along. From the angle of who says it first and if you’ll get a (favorable) response. If you’ve done everything to make this person feel loved, by the time you say the words there shouldn’t be any doubt.

    Nobody can blackmail me into ‘loving’ them.

  8. www.thelmathinks.com

    July 8, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    I hear what you’re saying but it all boils down to one thing; love language. Obviously your love language is not words of affirmations, it’s most likely acts of service. Some of us know, still we want to hear, we NEED to hear. That does not make us sillier than those of us who would rather be shown. “I love you” is the probably the most overused and abused phrase of all time. Still the fact that you don’t want to be told that someone loves you, does not make the need or preference or the next person any less valid. I think every adult understands the cliché; actions speak louder than words. But we want what we want and some want to hear the words said.
    Personally I don’t care to hear it very often, I’d rather be shown. But I cannot understate the importance of hearing it every once in a while, the occasional reminder in times of doubt perhaps.

    • www.thelmathinks.com

      July 8, 2015 at 4:50 pm

      *of the next person

    • kabuoy

      July 8, 2015 at 7:55 pm

      You nailed it babes! :*

    • deb

      July 10, 2015 at 10:50 am

      Thank you! please tell them! the fact that someone says it over and over again may simply mean there is an understanding that its either party’s love language.

  9. Tkum

    July 8, 2015 at 4:52 pm

    thanks william! My Belief in everything life? it is simply ‘Actions speaks louder than words”

  10. JOKER

    July 8, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    Love is a verb……..

  11. Theurbanegirl

    July 8, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    Lmao jade no chill at all

  12. Swizzey

    July 9, 2015 at 1:01 am

    “I love you” is the most emotionally heavy and expensive statements ever..Once you spend it, don’t ever think of collecting change.

  13. botiwuoluwa

    July 9, 2015 at 3:45 am

    I believe in love yeah but I don’t lead guys on in pretence, u can even resemble Brad Pitt or be charming like D’banj. If you say you love me too fast I wont be deceptive in return, I’ll only acknowledge the words out of courtesy yet let you know my opinion. When they see you are pretty, or even if not, intelligent and after a month or two of chicking u, the next words you hear is ‘I love you’. Say wetin happen? That’s infatuation, not love. And when some guys say that maybe to lead a girl on deceitfully, and she’s gullible she don enter am. But babes too are enlightened enough to know when a guy means this or not, yeah? I feel if a guy says this too early he’s most likely insecure, or he’s lying (guys may call that playing around), or recently suffered a breakup or luckily, he’s found his life partner. Now its left for the girl to let herself be led on, or she’s living in a fool’s paradise, is just learning or she sees the truth behind those words and believes them . Am happy am not the only one who thinks ‘loving someone’ doesn’t have to be spoken out before its noticeable, but meaning it, acting it n saying it are big morale boosters. Great writeup William

  14. ACE

    July 9, 2015 at 8:40 am

    OMG! God bless you for this, my thoughts exactly love is an emotion you feel love, you don’t say love. When I feel loved then I know you love me no need to always say it. People often misunderstand me when I tell them this , they see it as me being materialistic, I try to let know if you say it from now till forever and u don’t show it or I feel nothing then its rubbish. someone even said I have no heart cos I told him I would rather feel love than hear love . God bless you for this. I love you, one of the most abused words in the English language.

  15. nammy

    July 9, 2015 at 11:51 am

    True! love is a feeling but it feels good when someone affirms his love for you in words, in addition to actions.

  16. red

    July 9, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    i want to be told an di want to be shown. i want both,its not asking for too much. i’m not asking that u tell me that every blessed time we speak but i want u to tell me enough for me to know you actually do and i want you to show it to me too. i can’t shout!

  17. Angiee

    July 10, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    Wonderful write up Williams. God knows am sick and tired of some guy taking long to hang up the phone just because he wants me to return his ‘I love you’ with ‘I love you too’ even when I don’t mean it.

    I personally think it’s high time we measured the amount of one’s love in a relationship not by verbal confession alone but by our actions and inaction. When your actions around me and towards me shows me how much you love me, you need not pressure me into replying your confession of love. It will come naturally.

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