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Tolu Falode: Cushion of Value



I always predicate my opinions on my perspective. This cushion of perspective I sit on has changed over the years. Sometimes it is more uncomfortable than most; other times it hurts with stiffness ringing with fear when I sit too long in the same position. But, there are moments, I am not quite sure where to sit on it; in other words, my perspective about a lot of things have changed over time. I always find it interesting to listen to another person’s perspective-see how their sitting arrangement has changed over the years-how the décor of their dreams have been amplified, their positions shifted as time moves forward, their relationships blossom and bloom or wilt and fade-and inevitably, their positions rotated on the cushions of their opinions. But one thing I have come to realize, one thing I am still growing to understand-is the value of your worth.

I didn’t always know how much your worth could affect the way you position yourself in life. I wasn’t totally sure it mattered when mingling, chatting, mixing and engaging with people about different stories and interesting tales on their unique journeys. I wasn’t aware your worth mattered so much on how you positioned your perspective. But then, I slowly but surely hit a few ditches in life, tripped unexpectedly, fell on bruised dreams, empty promises, broken agreements, and realized the ditches of distraction that so easily blind the value contained in your worth. In that ditch of confusion, regret, disbelief, mistakes I looked around and realized one thing that still remained-a conscience that spoke of strength, a heart that was stubborn to believe, dreams that refused to be crushed.

And I began the conversation with myself-desperate to understand my mistakes, cautious to listen to my truth, and slowly in the process of self exploration, as the wounds began to heal and the bruises became a silent sting of experience, I saw the shiny sparkle of worth bloom through. And then I realized, so many people remain in that ditch of defeat, so many voices refuse to speak, so many hearts refuse to share, and hence so many people, have hidden the weight of their worth.

In that hole of uncertainty, I decided to dig through my own nest of dreams and explore my own thoughts on issues-debate with my conscience on decisions, and the more I spoke with my voice, it seemed the more my worth spoke to me.

So I got up, and moved out of that ditch, a new person with a different more defined perspective.

And it changed everything. It changed the way I spoke, the way I listened, the way I interacted with people. It also changed my perspective on issues, my thoughts on topics, my stance on relationships. Everything seemed to change when I became comfortable with my cushion.

When you speak from your heart, share your story, open yourself to experiences, you release your value-you exercise your worth. How? Well you are your value-you hold your worth. In other words, speaking from a broken heart, sharing from a soul that has known pain, speaking from a position that has stumbled in uncertainty carries such inestimable value that speak of your worth-you remain unique-the cushion of your perspective may have been pinched, taunted, bruised, beaten, battered or even pierced but it remains whole. And when I realized that, when I saw the cushion of my worth, the value in my perspective, the container of my dreams that had felt pain, known deceit, seen greed, experienced grief, and still somehow spoke a truth-I saw the value in me.

Every single person has a cushion of crushed dreams that stings of broken desires, and smells of shattered defeat-but that cushion is your voice. And when you see the value in your voice, you have accepted your worth.

You have embraced your position in the maize of life. Life may throw a den of deceit your way in the hands of a potential partner that offers security but you have the shadow of experience to see dead promises before they speak, or it may try and blind you in the arms of an acquaintance that edges too close to becoming a friend until your cushion squeaks with a warning scent contained in the cunning smiles on their faces.

And at the same time, you meet people who speak the language of truth, who are ready to share their cushions of comfort in your story and your conscience confirms they too have seen their value, they too walk in the knowledge of their worth they too are on the journey.

And together, as friends and even partners, you share the story of your cushions-the stories of your worth filled with inestimable value contained in your memories, dreams and desires. You respect the frayed edges of the cushion of perspective you both sit on-a cushion filled with the weight of worth you both value-a weight that carries the voice of your value, sees the heart of commitment, a soul that is ready to give, a story that is ready to be told. And when you meet these people, when you sit on your perspective, comfortable on your cushion that has become a strong friend of safety, you move away from those that are not ready to embrace your worth, you no longer have the energy to entertain relationships that lead to that all too familiar road of nowhere-a road you have trodden before, a path that led you down a pit of surprise, of rage, of bitterness but ultimately exposed your worth-no. You no longer have the energy for that conversation-you now walk in your worth-a walk of confidence, a stride of strength, a gait of grace that sings of the inestimable value you wear-the ever-present radiance of your worth that shines through unashamed and unapologetic; glistening in golden value.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |  Spotmatik 

Tolu Falode is a Relationship Counselor with over 6 years experience counseling couples and singles on having an amazing marriage. She shares dating tips on Instagram: @fantheflame and YouTube: Tolu Falode. Email: [email protected]


  1. Funmi

    October 5, 2015 at 3:50 am

    You are such an amazing writer Tolu. You are so right, there is so much freedom when you speak from your truth. There is absolutely nothing like it!

  2. busayo

    October 5, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    For once,I enjoyed Tolu Falode s write up. This was really good

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