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Aunty Bella: Miss. My Boyfriend Is Addicted to Porn

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Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.

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Hi Aunty Bella,

I have a troubling issue on my mind and I hope you/your readers would be able to shed light on it. I know it’s Christmas season but I’m bothered with an aspect of my relationship.

My Boyfriend and Pornography
My boyfriend has been addicted to pornography since 1999, about 14 years before he met me. We have dated for about 2 years now and unfortunately he is still hooked to pornography. Yes, he tells me the frequency has drastically reduced from a daily basis to a once a month affair. I do not keep count or care about frequency, but all I know is that I feel inadequate any time I hear the word ‘porn.’

He is upfront with me and actually lets me know whenever he has viewed porn and masturbated to it. He is not letting me know to spite me but letting me know in agony, so I could help him. I was OK with being his accountability partner but recently it got too much for me to handle. Trust me hearing about your spouse, who you want to spend the rest of your life with, ogling other women is painful. I don’t understand how I can trust him. He uses porn to fill a void in his life. For example when he is depressed, the next thing is porn.

He is a charming guy and super intelligent. He is the most intelligent man I’ve ever met which baffles me as to why he can’t see the devastating effect porn will have on our family if he continues. He can’t see it. It’s almost like he is blind to it. He is also spiritual but I think his spirituality is hypocrisy, because I don’t get how you can be spiritual and still be checking porn.

I am hoping he will get out of it because he is one of those men with every other thing right apart from this.

He tells me he loves me but can someone love you and still check pornography. He feels entitled to have me understand him. He is someone who tries to form principles everywhere and when we started dating he really grilled me because of my former hopeless relationships with useless exes. We’ve moved past all that, but when he looks at porn, he imagines me in it and my exes and that takes him in depression mood which leads him back to porn again. A destructive cycle. He is a smart man but this is getting beyond me because I don’t understand. I hope he could just understand what it feels like on my side. I hope he could have more empathy. I hope he could know that if this does not stop I will leave.

We have a full disclosure understanding in our relationship. There is no hiding anything past, present, future. Tell it as it is. Whenever he checks porn, he tells me about it. I try to be strong and he professes his love for me, we pray and we are back together. He does it again and the same thing happens, again, again, again. After about 150 (I’m not keeping count) times, is it possible for me to be able to still be strong for him? Is it possible for me to respect or trust him? Is it possible for me to kiss him? How do I tell that when he is kissing me he is not imagining some random porn actress?

I really want this to work but any time he tells me about porn it feels like a stab in the back and it feels like cheating or practicing to cheat. I can’t ever imagine looking at porn while in a relationship. This is something that if I did, he will make a tantrum out of. I have even thought of doing it so he can know what it feels like. It hurts when someone you love is checking out thousands of naked photoshopped bodies on the internet. HOW AM I TO COMPETE WITH THAT?

I don’t get it but sincerely I can’t stay with him if this porn does not go away. I’m sorry I can’t. If that happens, this will be the worst heartbreak because this guy is what any woman will dream about (it’s just the porn aspect that is messing it whole up and unfortunately porn cascades into everything else messing and crushing everything else up).

We have spoken countless times on how to be free from pornography. We have read books on porn freedom together. We have prayed together about freedom. The only improvement I see is that the frequency has reduced but it still hurts badly. It’s about 2 years in our relationship but I can’t commit if porn is still an issue. I can’t say ‘yes’. I can’t say ‘I do’ if porn is still there.
I know the world is not helping with all this pornified music videos and advertisements but I believe he should be able to overcome the temptations.

2016 is coming in a few days. I can’t deal with this in 2016.

If anyone here has dealt with this before, can you tell me how you both resolved it.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Ocusfocus

108 Comments

  1. L

    December 19, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    You said he has been addicted to porn and is STILL addicted to porn. You proceed to say you WONT COMMIT if porn is STILL an issue ( Which it is. reduced or not.). I’m certain you know what to do.

    • Amaka

      December 19, 2015 at 4:03 pm

      I am a married woman. A lot of people may call me mean. The problem I see with some single ladies is this, they see fire pre marriage, jump into it and get burnt after marriage. Girl, I admire you because you chose to open up and re consider the relationship. Some women will still be alive today if they had not gone ahead after red flags. Give this guy just one month; prayers, deliverance and therapy. If nothing happens MOVE ON because you have just one life. Women are just too emotional. You must be tough on your life because it is just that one life that you have. If you let another human being mess that life up, please don’t blame God. And I am tired of women ignoring serious deep issues just because of some outward sophistication. Am I saying that you should not get married to a handsome guy who is also intelligent,?not at all but if that man tortures you mentally and emotionally after marriage of what use are those qualities to you. Someone else will benefit from those qualities and not you. Secondly, stop thinking your man is the dream of every woman. I don’t care if he is impeccable, porn spoils it all for me. I have been were you are before and this is why I am speaking out now. I had insisted on going on in a relationship with an Ivy league lawyer, his mum a judge after he told me that someone got pregnant for him until God brought me to my senses(Of course I had to pray and fast because things were getting of hand in my life relationship wise). If I had gotten married to him, I would have been on Bella right now lamenting. This guy has been addicted to porn for years so it is now your own responsibility to carry the mess abi. If Buhari asked him to stay in his house for a week without porn in exchange for a juicy contract, will he not do it. Women you better be tough on your lives or else you will be the most unfulfilled human beings on earth. This is the point of decision and you are very fortunate now. Think very well o before you become a pathetic case. I don’t even want to go into details. Do you know the meaning of porn at all? The man is connecting with those women and not you. Please let’s stop all these emotional nonsense women. You better go and pray personally also. Some men want you to stay with them and remain stagnant so that all the sufferings will be yours at the end of the day. I became firm after I had a break up, yet God gave me a wonderful man. I also wanted to stay with the former guy by force by fire just because I feared the fact that someone else won’t come along. A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage.

    • Happiness

      December 19, 2015 at 5:14 pm

      True talk.

    • odididi

      December 19, 2015 at 6:05 pm

      Amaka, you are a wise woman. May God bless you and your marriage!

    • JJ

      December 19, 2015 at 8:18 pm

      I personally would have said bye to the guy long ago. I am so sorry, can’t handle it. Marriage has natural challenges already. I don’t want to die I beg. You don’t need a woman. I am not a fool and you cannot make my life miserable. I’d be too grateful to God for letting me know before marriage. I will not willingly throw myself inside any challenge. The ones I have already came in and did not knock. I must therefore banish the one that is knocking. I am not so emotional as to jeopardize my health and future, it is not worth it.

    • Oby

      December 19, 2015 at 11:33 pm

      Well Spoken. Couldn’t have said this any Better!

    • Abby scuito

      December 20, 2015 at 8:02 am

      God bless u bless u bless u bless u…..i mean, may He keep on blessing u ehn

    • badoobj

      December 21, 2015 at 6:52 pm

      Amaka.. na people like you suppose dey do Vlog on marriage not that yellow pawpaw girl. You said it all.

    • Caligula

      December 20, 2015 at 4:18 am

      He watches porn once a month and you’re complaining? Anyways, porn isn’t bad. It just shows a man with a healthy appetite for sex and that is sexy to me. I don’t watch it but I don’t get in a tizzy when my man does. He can fantasize all he wants, thats his business. We still have great sex… Testify! ?? Unless it’s a true addiction, don’t make it an issue. Pick your battles girl

    • Uby

      December 20, 2015 at 5:50 am

      One thing I got from the just concluded Shiloh 2015 is:
      “You cannot dominate what you do not despise”.

      He knows he is addicted to pornography. Good. But does he really hate the act or he is dislikes it and try to justify why he did it? It is left to him to get rid of the habit, no one else.

      Prayer might help but until he is personally ready to fight it, he will continue being “addicted”.

    • purpliciousbabe

      December 20, 2015 at 9:04 am

      Normally, I am pro ‘gerruah out of there’ spotting flags etc. In this situation I actually feel bad for the guy… He is the victim here.. 14years addiction????? and you think it boils down to ‘will power’??? No..
      Dude is a slave to this THING…and it is a STRONGHOLD in all aspects.
      Addiction isnt something you just LET GO!! Especially if it has emotional attachment e.g. depression, stress etc. You think he is happy?

      Am sorry if anyone ever opens up to you regarding any personal struggles. They are SCREAMING HELP!!!! NO ITS not magic.

      My advice: dont be discouraged to give up on him. Try educate yourself regarding porn addiction, See Kirk Franklin story.
      No, you cant do it by your strength that is CRAZY.You need to be supported.

      Having said all of these, decision is yours.. Perhaps stepping away from relationship but as a friend could help you??

  2. Cindy

    December 19, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    He needs therapy.

    • Surely

      December 20, 2015 at 12:03 pm

      I’m just laughing because of the stinkingly obvious ignorance in this post and comments about porn and masturbation. @Amaka here comparing porn to a guy not using condoms or cheating on her. How is that the same now????? LOOLLLLLL You guys are so funny.

      Once a month porn IS NOT am addiction. But pls you ppl should just read more. Get out often. Stop taking advice from only religious ppl. Talk to a professional.

    • Mike

      December 21, 2015 at 3:02 am

      @Naomi, if you read that comment thoroughly, you will observe the fact that she mentioned theraphy but remember the fact that man is spirit, soul and body. How do you explain a situation where a cleaner in the Uni. has built a house when a professor hasn’t. Personal Banking problems abi. or a medical doctor who made a statement a high school graduate can’t even make. Professionalism has it’s place but if you look at the world today, you will discover that professionalism has not solved every problem. Regarding a boyfriend cheating, she wasn’t making a direct comparison instead she was trying to explain how women stay in circumstances they don’t want all for one reason or another but not considering damaging consequences. I have played the role of an advocate without hating. Please let there be peace on bella.

    • Surely

      December 20, 2015 at 12:05 pm

      But anyway, anything he is reaching for that’s not you (or his god) is worth worrying over. That’s d only reason I’ll say you should reconsider d relationship.

  3. bassey

    December 19, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    I would not advise you to leave him, what if he had decided not to let you know in the first place? now he comes clean about it and its an issue? I understand you tho, but you just have to be strong for him and call him, text him more often. make sure you don’t flirt with him on phone if you’re not close to him…God will give you wisdom.

  4. Nike

    December 19, 2015 at 1:42 pm

    First everyone that seems perfect has their own secret demons. Since you prayed it has reduced then pray for it to keep reducing, but if you can’t take it and don’t want to be with him anymore, that’s definitely up to you. The only part I don’t like is if it were you doing that he won’t like it. I personally believe that you shouldn’t dish what you can’t take. Sometimes I tell my boyfriend in situations, “if you won’t mind me doing this to you, then go ahead.” So sister, it’s a dicey situation, but at the end of the day, listen to your instincts- I think you are spiritual, so listen to what your spirit says.

  5. friendly adviser

    December 19, 2015 at 1:46 pm

    i think that its great that you guys are very open about this. Openness is key in a strong relationship. Would you rather he kept this from you and you found out later? He has opened to you about one of his biggest demons, its hard for you. Imagine how much harder it is for him. i suggest both of you get external professional help on how to deal with his problem. All the best!

    • Ife

      December 19, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      He told her about it is not the issue . If she’s a very good christian she would have still found out any way . Pornography is a big deal in relationships it doesn’t give the victim and their spouses sexual fulfilment . You can work with him on this but you have to give him an ultimatum if after 6 months he doesn’t improve you have to move on . You cant stay with someone that steals and say its ok , as long as he tells you about the stolen goods . Mentally your image will compete with those of porn stars in his head, which can lead to other issues in the marriage . It may eventually rub you of yourself confidence , these women hardly have stretch marks , their scars are photoshopped , they go through proper auditioning before they are even casted. Please pray about your decision and hear God for yourself on this issue and do what he tells you.

    • Tari

      December 19, 2015 at 4:55 pm

      . If she’s a very good christian she would have still found out any way

      Please can you explain this part above? I will like to understand this line of thinking.
      Thanks

  6. Xala

    December 19, 2015 at 2:00 pm

    Reading through your write-up. Porn is not the biggest issue your boyfriend has. He seems like a self-absorbed narcissist. ” He needs to to understand”, etc. You are taken on a guilt trip and by extension blamed for his addiction, as he imagines you with exes when watching porn…and that drives him further into porn. What sort of BS is that?!

    It is obvious he is super intelligent..from someone that has been there….He is very smart. His problem will become yours…and slowly you will lose your self esteem and self-concept in this charade called relationship. He is losing nothing..nor want salvation. He needs an enabler..and he will make one of you through guilt and all.

    I should stop now.. Honestly…get out. He does not need you. More often than not…people know what they are doing. Especially when they are highly intelligent.

    • Me

      December 19, 2015 at 4:32 pm

      Xala, you took the words right out of my mouth! Porn is not the only problem he has. I could smell his BS all the way from here. I hope she takes your advice and gets out now!! Tomorrow, he will also cheat and claim it is because he imagined her with her exes and got depressed. What a load of bullcrap! Making someone else feel guilty and responsible for YOUR OWN issues..
      Madam, if your self esteem is still intact and you are not all those” I must marry or die” women, then leave while your self confidence is still intact.

    • Different Shades of Nigerian

      December 19, 2015 at 4:57 pm

      I will I could like your comment more than once. Here is 100 likes for you….. I have to say this guy is smart, slow clap, he is a very INTELLIGENT abuser because the intelligent ones wont let you know that you are being abused until you gather your senses 10 years too late. Sweetheart no need to give ultimatum, it is time to reverse the abuse – yes, tell him the Lord told you to pray for him from outside, your emotions and involvement is not letting God answer your prayers but if you step out and pray from afar God will answer so you need to leave the relationship and if he is spiritual enough he will understand. Accountability partner ko, Fellow sinner ni

    • Efexone

      December 22, 2015 at 10:24 am

      My point exactly dis guy is a master manipulator he would methodically strip u of ur self esteem nd ur beliefs. ..u would end up dead inside losing touch with reality. …I ave been dere !
      My advice:-Haul ass baby P.S fear spiritual people dat act perfect. ..

    • elle

      December 22, 2015 at 12:10 pm

      I agree! I read that BS too!

      The sad thing is that once he makes an enabler out of her, he will get tired of his porn habit and he will eventually get out of the relationship and look for someone strong and unwilling to relent on his BS. If the poster will be with him by then, she will be a shadow of herself and he will be still the same (emotionally), just with a stronger resolve to stop porn.

      To the poster, I believe when we are dating, we need to be cognizant of our problems and our partner’s problems. Where responsibility for each problem begins and ends. In this instance, his porn addiction can only be solved by him and his God. You can only pray and support, either as a girlfriend or as a friend. Just like if he had a substance abuse problem..there is only so much you can do. Think about yourself. A friend once told me, “When considering the man to marry, choose the one whose weakness(es) you can tolerate”. If you can’t tolerate, move on.

      And another thing, your man’s accountability partner should be someone who had the same experience (former porn addict) or his spiritual leader. It is more than you can handle.

    • Salewa

      December 30, 2015 at 3:10 pm

      @xala You are amazing! I’ve gone through the comments and u are the only one that addressed the crux of the matter.
      To the writer, run very far from him, not because of the porn but because he seems very manipulative and narcissistic. I strongly believe you are being manipulated one way or another. Also don’t let anyone push the blame of their lifestyle on u or send u on a guilt trip. It’s all on him, and the fact that he will even blame it on depression caused by imagining u and ur exes shows he is a lesser man.

  7. Josephine

    December 19, 2015 at 2:08 pm

    Porn is a factor that destroyed my relationship. Its been 6 years so I’ve moved on but it still hurts. My ex wanted me to do things I can’t type because that’s what he was watching. I felt so dry and inadequate. Then I found out he was cheating with 2 women. From the x-rated emails I saw they were willing and able to perform for him. Men who love porn have self-control issues, like sex and women to be fake. You have to look like a blow up doll and do crazy things. Even then its not enough. There’s variety at the click of their mouse so they will look for variety in real life. If you can keep up, fine. If its not your style let him go and find a freak who will watch with him. That’s my very biased 2 cents from bitter experience.

  8. Chu

    December 19, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    I know this is very difficult to deal with. It seems u both are believers and believe me a lot of male believers watch porn. They can’t have sex but don’t know how to deal with the raging passion so they turn to porn. This is purely a spiritual battle. If he wants to erase porn he needs to replace it with something else. You can pray for him but the work is up to him. When he feels the urge he needs to do some other activity. I wasn’t into porn but romantic novels and would masturbate with it. It got very bad, but when I became a believe I totally filled myself when the word of God and church activities. That act stopped without my noticing.
    He needs to battle depression and the voices in his head.
    You on your part need to check your spirit and know what God’s will is, whether to stay or leave. There is no ready made man, they are all work in progress, the most important thing is that he has acknowledged it, desires to change and is taking steps towards it. Celebrate the small victories instead of seeing the mountain ahead. I believe he will overcome. Remember the 80-20 rule.
    But babes if you feel you can’t handle it, then pack your bag and move on as you are not yet married and have a way out now.

  9. Ybbil

    December 19, 2015 at 2:39 pm

    Been feeling lost. Le boo has just met my parents and this christmas, he is travelling to the villa, we are both from Delta State, his parents normally stay in the north, but they are all coming to Delta this christmas and he wants me to meet his people then to save the stress of going over to the north.We are staying 4days, thing is my parents are kind of kicking against it, that arent we sposed to do intro first or somthn. Or that if i am going, someone will have to follow me, which would be uber weird for us. Pls advice, is it norrmal, whats the procedure #AuntyBella

    • Krasavitsa

      December 19, 2015 at 4:00 pm

      #notauntybella. It’s unfair of you to change the topic and try to divert attention from Miss My BF’s addicted to porn. She obviously went through due process to get our opinions and I suggest you do the same.

    • Bibi

      December 19, 2015 at 4:12 pm

      In my case, I met his parents before he met mine. I think you should talk to your parents. Turn the table and ask them if they’ll follow your brother to go do a formal marriage introduction when they’ve never met the prospective wife. He has met your parents. His parents should meet you before the parents meet each other. My opinion anyway.

    • anothermimi

      December 19, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      Please meet them before the intro so you can be sure you want them to meet your parents.

    • pocah

      December 19, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      Your parents are right.

    • pocah

      December 19, 2015 at 10:22 pm

      I meant the part of letting somebody follow you

  10. Ybbil

    December 19, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    Sorry for digressing, I am just disturbed thats all

  11. RichyGame

    December 19, 2015 at 2:41 pm

    “You’re gonna have to kill him!”…

    It may sound harsh but this was a comment someone posted on a forum years back when a lady complained about her boyfriend being addicted to porn.

    Now, the seemingly insensitive response does carry a very important message as related to your plight as indeed, the lady that was seeking help. It depicts the enormity of the condition called ‘porn addiction’. The comment author was likely attempting to say it’s a lost cause. But not true though. It’s one of the hardest habits to break so don’t give up.

    People seldom overcome it unless serious steps are taken; steps that are hard to follow but if the victim is truly ready to emerge out of the belly of this beast, he’ll have to truly deny himself the ‘pleasure’ of such. His problem to me is two-fold though many may not agree that what I deem the second ailment – masturbation – is a bad thing. My opinion though…

    I’m not an advocate of sex before marriage but that’s for another day… However, if you and him are copulating regularly, it just goes to show that your fear of practicing to cheat may be a well placed one because he is basically imagining other sexual experiences and is likely open to it though he may not know it yet. (Psst, one key issue I have with masturbation is the more likely imagery that one is having intercourse with someone else – it’s a mental thing that to me is a form of promiscuity)

    Prayer is the master key but action is the door that the key opens.

    Via religious conviction, pornography is a pathway to demonic openings; naturally, it gives us the illusion we can have it better than we are getting it and health wise, it does lower sperm count according to some sources thisdaylive.com/articles/effect-of-self-service-on-fertility/73834) and you definitely feel spent. In my experience, orgasm sensation is always more intense with lusher amounts of ejaculate (?)… if that helps! For crying out loud, he needs to visualize a scenario he makes you happy and feels good about himself after say 3 months of abstinence from porn (and masturbation if you please). Mentally building that utopia and the desire to attaining it is a key step.

    The action to take is to first realize it’s a problem with serious multi-faceted consequences; steer clear of all indecent material but destroying them, self-restriction of browsing sites and finding a filler to that sexual void he thinks he experiences by calling you up if that’s what rocks your boat or better, immersing himself in active prayer each time the thought rears it head i.e. the Bible says: “Cast down all evil imaginations…”; “Guard your thoughts…”.

    Or he can take a glass of cold water…

    A break up threat may seem to work but he’ll likely not just practice full disclosure anymore so it’s best you help him trough, lovingly, if you love him enough.

  12. anonymous

    December 19, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    Run! it destroys marriages, homes,relationships, children in a damaging way. ihe has to get help and you cant help him he needs professional help;it is an addiction. it is God’s doing that he told you. So many people REALLY suffering from this thing. My advise: move on as it doesn’t seem that he wants to get help

    • Ngozi

      December 19, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      I can never marry a guy who is addicted to porn. I don’t care if he is the most intelligent guy on the surface of the earth. I will be thanking God that I knew it as single not married. This world has a lot of wahala already and I don’t want extra pains. Let the man and the his family deal with it. There are women who are still married to good men. Look at those men of God with no scandals eg Pastor Adeboye etc. Jesus is coming soon and at this stage you are still addicted to porn. Better carry your own load boy. I can help you by praying for you and pointing you towards deliverance because it is proper to be my brothers keeper but I cannot marry you. I already saw it and can’t deal with it. I have therefore decided to choose my battles. I am sorry if someone is offended but please immorality is a big NO NO for me, I cannot deal with it therefore I need to let it go. Men are more practical than women. Many men would let go if they cannot deal with something. Sometimes we let go in pain and not joyfully but at the end of the day it is for the future. I don’t want the children to deal with it also. It is just too complicated. Boy, please sort yourself out.

  13. abiola

    December 19, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    Your man if he s truly being honest,should be commended.Honesty especially about issues like this is so rare.You can go with either of two options : a)Get him to see a therapist. b)Leave.
    Two years is a long time to kick a habit.You need to ask yourself if he never changes,if you would be okay with that.If your answer is no,you might as well cut your losses and move on.

    Personally,I think you have even been dealt a fairer hand than most.He only watches…he doesnt DM girls dick pics or ask for boobs or punani pics.He isnt getting a Manwhore degree all over FB,IG,etc. As long as he is actually ONLY looking,he cant infect you with HIV,HBV,HCV or worse HPV.
    I get your low esteem issue concerning his picture perfect screen gfs.But has it maybe occurred to you that all this might be compartmentalized in his head?That being a fantasy alone and you being a reality he s quite happy with?Cos I’m thinking if it were all muddled up then he will prolly have left you or at least cheated or consistently flirt with big boob,big ass, whatever-his-fetish-is looking girls.But then what do i know.

    This is my opinion as I really couldnt be bothered if my man watches porn.Hell,he can visit a strip club,its between him and his God,I dont care.My problem begins when he lets anyone asides me and himself touch him.Simpulu.

    Stay or go.Just be happy.Kilzez

  14. Omobolanle

    December 19, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    Wow *Sigh* I can’t really say I knw how u feel buh frm wat u wrote I can feel ur pain…..I think leaving him now is not d best option,he’s struggling with ds demon nd he wants 2 stop if not he won’t tell u….I think u shud make hm see a professional body dat can b of help 2 him……addiction is nt a joke ooooo. He needs More help and more prayers. It is well with u dear…

  15. Benjamin ogbewi

    December 19, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    Sorry about dat. Your fiance case is a deliverance case. It is a spirit. There is not amount of counseling alone without deliverance can help. If he is not helped out of it now with prayers and deliverance when u venture into d marriage your enemy will call for ever. It is better for to laughed at you dat you are not yet marry now thanks for u to enter one and you can laugh again bicos of d nature of d marriage. Pls be aware dat after hellfire d nxt hellfire is a bad marriage. marry

  16. Uyi

    December 19, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    I think you should keep praying since prayer helped reduce it and get spiritual guidance because no matter the addiction nobody can do it alone but he has to decide on his own if he really wants this addiction gone then you guys can move forward. Just keep being strong for him.

  17. france

    December 19, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    He can start by deleting anything and everything porn from his system including romantic movies , even if it means getting rid of his smartphone too he should use a Phone without easy acess to internet. This is going to be hard but he must be willing to stop. And nothing good comes easy. Also how much free time does he have on his hands ? You should help plan his time . That free time should be utilised wisely, he should either spend it maybe enrolling in sports activities: basketball,football,wrestling (Gym), Kungfu etc dance or learning a foreign language so he can get his mind off porn. which brings me to the question of How sociable is he really? Does he mingle ,with friends or he is an introvert? Am not saying change him but u can help him bond with a friend or friends. Instigate the outing . Have a get together, involve them into conversations, doube date. I don’t mean wild parties or clubbing. What does he do in his church? He could learn a musical instrument or two. There are links on the internet on how to get over porn. Pray about it together,agree on the plan and commit it to God . He will make it Alright

  18. spiritual help

    December 19, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    Your boyfriend needs spiritual help, deliverance from the spirit of addiction and trust me, you are not the one to do the deliverance. If he is “spiritual”, he needs to see a genuine man of God. Porn will destroy you and the type of marriage you have always wanted. Nobody wants to be a second fiddle, let alone to picture perfect sex queens who can do all sorts. Run while you have the chance, except you are willing to wait for years so he can overcome those demons. Your self esteem is at stake and like the guy above said, after hellfire, the next hellfire is a bad marriage. May the Spirit of God guide you to make the right decision.

  19. Charles

    December 19, 2015 at 4:14 pm

    Sorry but this place is so full of pretentiuos little girls.Here are a few points for all you non genital having people.
    Most men watch porn Why? because its free plentiful and fills out a need for vicarious sex. Women need a lot of work to get going sexually it’s not everytime we have the energy for “I have a headache” “I am dry ” “It’s that time of the month” “I have not showered” “I have just showered” So yes you just handle your business and go about the rest of your day. No we don’t compare you to porn, the same way we know that action films are not reality, we are not stupid we mainly just need more sex than you do physically and mentally. So my advice if you can’t live with it, then leave and stop guilting him and making him feel bad. Or maybe you can share it with him, find a genre you like, find love, find laughter, find fulfilment. Sex is one of the better things about being alive especially in a safe accepting non judgemental place. Live and let live

    • Emeka

      December 19, 2015 at 7:58 pm

      Let people stop giving excuses, so why do you blame people who throw bombs. They have their reasons also. Nonsense. Why is it not right to have an affair with your daughter or maid if your wife is not around. Nonsense no 2. Deal with your porn problems for yourself and stop giving excuses, remain in your fire and don’t involve another human being. After all, you are not the only man on earth who watches tv. You are also not the only one who sees billboards on streets. If you really like your addiction and don’t want to be free, then stay on your own. My sister shall never marry you. It is not by force. As a human being with the power to choose, I refuse to allow porn in my family. Keep giving excuses and remain in it and don’t tell me who else is doing it since you have not committed suicide because someone else did. Nonsense no 3. Instead of you to run to God and let others know how you got delivered, you are giving excuses for a dangerous act.

    • Krasavitsa

      December 20, 2015 at 3:56 am

      Bobo Charles, read the heading again. The guy in question is ADDICTED to porn not just that he watches it. You’re right about many guys watching porn but all aren’t addicted. Many girls watch porn too. Also, don’t kid yourself; guys don’t need sex more than girls do, most girls just have better control over their genitals.
      On to the issue at hand, I honestly can’t advice this lady without being biased. My ex was addicted to porn and tried to make me his enabler by telling me porn helped him not cheat on me while he was abroad for a year, ergo, it’s my fault he was addicted. So babe, my highly biased opinion is that you run for dear life. Addiction to porn and masturbation just shows he’s addicted to sex on a deeper level and trust me, you can never satisfy a sex addict – not even the porn stars can! You also can’t get sexual satisfaction from an addict as all he thinks of is his immediate gratification and not your orgasm (this also is from experience).

    • purpliciousbabe

      December 20, 2015 at 9:18 am

      Charles..did you miss the word ‘addicted’???? you said ‘watch’. She said ‘addicted’… two different things. No not all guys watch or engage in porn activities.. it can raise unhealthy sexual expectations infact it does more damage than good… you know that.

  20. karatekidnt

    December 19, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    Some people drink alcohol socially,and some people are alcoholics. Big difference.
    Addiction
    .

    Is the problem here your (both of una) judeo-Christian guilt? Some people think a drop of alcohol is sin. And ought to be confessed immediately.

    Does his porn watching affect other spheres of his life? Does he do it when he should be working, reading, eating ?

    My husband and I watch porn (seperatly ) as I’m sure many other ‘normal’ couples do. No body is hiding it, it ain’t nothing shameful. just scratching a bilogical itch with readily available visual aid is what it is.

    I guess it’s a Christian hang up. So if your religion says it’s bad, he needs to stop flogging willyboy.

    And your boyfriend sounds manipulative.

    • Chuks

      December 20, 2015 at 2:27 am

      Not every normal couple does. In fact I personally find it abnormal. We are content with the Holy Spirit in our homes. Thank you. Everything is right theses days. God have mercy. Hmnnn.

  21. The real D

    December 19, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    There is no perfect human being out there, so if any one is looking for the perfect man or woman you might as well wait till Jesus comes because He is the only one capable of being that. Marriage is about finding that partner who you are able to love despite his/her imperfections. If you are unable to tolerate his addiction that I doubt this entire relationship will lead to anything happy or positive.Because despite all I am about to write there will always be that fear of a relapse, if he is able to overcome this.
    Secondly, his addiction has nothing to do with you or your exes, so don’t let him use that has an excuse and when next he brings it up let him know you that in as much as your support him, you cannot be with someone who is out to blame you or others for his problem. That more than the problem is what raises a red flag for me. Was he thinking about you or your exes when he became addicted in 1999??? Nope, so it has NOTHING to do with you.
    Lastly, he is not your spouse yet, so don’t considered yourself tied down to him. It is good to have a support system but the real question is do you see your self going the long haul with him? if yes, then first you need to first look for a good shrink and then tell him that while you appreciate the openness you both have, you are unable to handle this addiction by yourself anymore and as such you think it is time for him to seek professional help. That way you are not only bringing a problem but you have a solution at hand.
    His spirituality may not necessarily be fake, the truth is, it is our imperfections that draws us near to God and enables us realize that on our own we just that a bunch of imperfect beings and we need Him to reach our maximum potential. That does not take away from our relationship with Him if anything it should draw us nearer to him.
    If you feel this flaw is just something you can’t deal with (which it sounds like) it is time to cut loose and move on.

    • purpliciousbabe

      December 20, 2015 at 9:20 am

      Well said!!!

  22. Oyinlola

    December 19, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    Sweetie, I need you to watch Ted Bundy’s last interview which was done a few hours before his death in an electric chair. He said he’s noticed that every serial killer was a porn addict especially violent porn and that when they weren’t satisfied with watching, they needed to act it out in real life and then it got out of hand.

    Am I calling your boyfriend a killer???? No, im just showing you how extreme it can go.
    I was sexually active, now I’m celibate and I’m trying to unlearn (which might not be possible) all that I’ve learnt cos recently, ive been meeting guys who’s never had sex and if I end up with one of them, I don’t wanna judge him with my ex.
    Honestly, if you end up with him and he has this problem, you’ll never be able to compete with them and the truth is, your man won’t know the difference between porn and real life. What if he’s interested in violent role play? Will you be able to play such games?
    You sound like you’re prayerful and I know sex was created for a man and woman to enjoy, like both of you have to enjoy it so everytin you do, u must b a willing partner.

    Finally, why be with a man for 2 years and not be ready to commit? So what exactly are you guy doing together? If it’s a FWB situation, it’s understandable but he’s your boyfriend with no sense of commitments? I guess I’m too Nigerian.

    I wish you all the luck and I pray God gives u immediate answers to all your prayers.

  23. Tari

    December 19, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    Porn??????????
    Haaa. Make I sit down one corner observe. Better to observe than commenting and sounding like a hypocrite.
    I just hope does commenting judge themselves with the same standards they are applying to the case at hand?

  24. Dr.N

    December 19, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    Say after me, “I am not the Holy Spirit. It is not my job to change anybody”
    Let him go. 2 years is enough.
    Move on. Someone less intelligent, less handsome, but in control of his sexual urge perhaps? What do u think.
    There is a girl out there praying for a man like him. They can watch porn together, then do “spirituality” on Sunday. You can’t bear it. Don’t compromise the majors (faithfulness) for d minors (looks)

    • molarah

      December 19, 2015 at 8:58 pm

      Thanks oh.

      And he needs to get another accountability partner – you seem too emotionally involved with him to provide any real support in helping him let go of this issue. Preferably a guy like himself that can talk real sense into him.

  25. Tk

    December 19, 2015 at 5:56 pm

    Only God knows which one is better ‘ a cheating husband or a porn watching husband’

  26. View

    December 19, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    I just asked my guy of his take on porn. He said it’s OK. Sincerely I’ve never seen him see porn or talk about it. He said he sees nothing in it but one must not be an addict. According to him, he sees porn once in every 4 months even last night. I was shocked. Personally I don’t like anything porn. So when he said last night, I was speechless when I asked for his reactions after porn, he said no masturbate on but he feels horny and after a while it goes away or he sleeps. I pretended not to have seen anything on BN. What do I do?

    • MC

      December 19, 2015 at 11:09 pm

      What do you do about what???

  27. B

    December 19, 2015 at 6:22 pm

    Something you need to understand about pornography is that it has absolutely nothing to do with you, like you said he has been addicted way before he met you, probably got into waitching it when he was a teenager. So I’m not saying excuse his behaviour but it will take a while to break a habit that has been formed for that long. So what you can do is to pray continuously cos from what you are saying this addiction is his only or major character flaw. Remember he is human and not perfect. When things get tough for you to handle talk to God and focus on the positive he is talking to you about it, most men keep this sort of thing a secret. He sounds like a good guy. I hope this helps.

  28. Adepeju

    December 19, 2015 at 7:07 pm

    Hi, I’m Adekunle. The thing with pornography is that its an addiction.A diifferent kind of addiction I might add. But to realistically stop this addiction is difficult but is possible.
    First, he masturbate why? Because he watches porn, then take away the avenue to watch it. . He gets depressed so he watches pornography. You can try to make sure he is not easily depressed. My point is if you removed killed every source that could lead to him watching it you stand a good chance of stopping his pornography addiction.
    Secondly,, being religious could help. If he becomes more religious and sincerely knew how grave things like that are in God’s sight, perhaps it would solve the addiction.

    • huh

      December 20, 2015 at 5:11 pm

      Please don’t put that much burden on this lady, She is a human and cannot control the emotions of another. If she cannot deal with it she better checks out now.

  29. akin

    December 19, 2015 at 7:46 pm

    guys am still battling with this issue cuz I know I just av to stop it, av fasted, prayed concerning dis issue. but its very difficult to stop. I pray God should help me

    • chi-e-z

      December 20, 2015 at 6:55 am

      you are a human being. It’s Normal. lust,crave,sexual desire is how ur parents take conceive una. 4get all this forming-asexuals out here. Say it with me I am Normal for wanting sex.

    • purpliciousbabe

      December 20, 2015 at 9:25 am

      There is nothing normal about ADDICTION!!!! NOTHING….
      IT DOES MORE DAMAGE THAN GOOD.

      So dont repeat after Chi-e-z unless ofcourse you want to be a SLAVE!!

  30. efe

    December 19, 2015 at 7:58 pm

    @Amaka, you have said it all.

  31. momma's girl

    December 19, 2015 at 8:23 pm

    Your boyfriend is the biggest MANIPULATOR !!!I] If I had not seen the line ” I imagine you with your exes ” I would have said eh!! maybe try to see if it can be worked out. But, I have dated his type. He will rip you of your self confidence and try to make you feel guilty for an addiction he has had 14 years ago, HE IS a FRAUD!! spiritual ko spirit ni. Please dump that nigga like yesterday. You deserve better!! Im talking from experience.

  32. Dave Jones

    December 19, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    Forgive me, I am not making light of your situation, and I’m sorry that his actions hurt you so much. You must find a way to overcome, but I think this may help. I think you are making a mountain out of a mole-hill. I don’t think it’s a big deal. Watching porn once a month is almost saintly if you ask me. Watching porn once-a-month is not an addiction in my opinion. Most people watch porn multiple times a week, both men AND women. If you don’t believe me, look-up the stats of visits to porn websites. Most people have sexual fantasies. Women have sexual fantasies TOO. Reading most of the respondents here, you wouldn’t think so. If you don’t believe me, read Nancy Friday’s book “My Secret Garden”. Furthermore, women read romance novel that end in sex. OK, so, you are not watching porn, you are imagining porn. Does that make you better/purer that the person who is watching it? If you read that book, you will learn that having fantasies is completely normal. Also that most people, men and women are perfectly able to separate fantasy from reality. A fantasy is not a wish. It’s a fantasy. Most people have an addition to something. For men it’s naked women’ bodies. For women, it’s the need for emotional connection and romance which ultimately ends up in sex. Most women will NOT attain the level of emotional satisfaction that they fantasize about and crave and thus will continue to fantasize about men who can provide such satisfaction. In my mind, on the ranking of things, sex is not the most important component of a relationship. I don’t mean to be presumptions nor offensive, but I don’t think you have a problem. Not yet anyways.

  33. Nene

    December 19, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    Life is funnyooo, me i love porn and hope to met a man that I can enjoy it with

    • nwa nna

      December 19, 2015 at 11:14 pm

      Correct babe… Happy ending awaits us ?

  34. ada

    December 19, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    How is watching porn once a month an ‘addiction’? Not to be insensitive but I think you are just a drama queen

    • elle

      December 22, 2015 at 12:35 pm

      Comprehension problem..
      “My boyfriend has been addicted to pornography since 1999, about 14 years before he met me. We have dated for about 2 years now and unfortunately he is still hooked to pornography.”

  35. Cece

    December 19, 2015 at 10:12 pm

    So become his porn star and he’ll be addicted to you too lol.

    • nwa nna

      December 19, 2015 at 11:14 pm

      Chop better knuckle… Become his freak in the bed and lady in the streets & watch him worship the ground you walk on…. ?

  36. pocah

    December 19, 2015 at 10:29 pm

    Someone who doesn’t watch porn, it’s a big deal. Run baby please

  37. sandra

    December 19, 2015 at 10:38 pm

    I remember one sermon I once heard. And the preacher said he used to watch porn but he got fed up one day and told God that he should die the next time he watches porn. It was extreme but according him , that was what saved him. He loved his life too much.
    If you are serious about stopping, u can try this method.

    • nwa nna

      December 19, 2015 at 11:11 pm

      Ha! Too funny, surely it can be that extreme… Gotta love my Africans folks

    • Honeycrown

      December 20, 2015 at 1:01 am

      Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha ……. Na wa o! Just when I thought I won’t hear any more ridiculous religious stories in 2015.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      December 20, 2015 at 11:33 pm

      That’s very similar to how I gave up on cancer sticks after smoking them and then quitting for a short perio and then being unable to fight the craving and picking them up again for 11 years. One day I was sitting in my room and just got tired of the cycle so made almost the same kind of avowal to God. Wasn’t even a spiriko sombori, just wanted my reliance on the ciggies to end.

      Addiction is a bastard of a demon. You start doing whatever it is, thinking you’re the one in control until it slowly starts controlling you but the danger is that you’re usually well into self-deceit mode by then (“It’s okay, I can stop anytime I want”).

      I really hope that there are available support groups in Nigeria to help the many who live in different types of bondage, which the society prefers to turn a blind eye to.

  38. karate kidnt

    December 19, 2015 at 10:56 pm

    Lol
    There is nothing wrong with porn and or masturbating.

    As long as there isn’t a sex and or porn addiction.

    I’m married. Have sex 2 or 3 times a week. And find times to masturbate during peak periods. (Usually during ovulation or right before my period)
    Women masturbate too. It’s not cheating. It’s me time.
    Yall need to stop with the religious nonsense.
    And permit me to add to the list of things you need to ask your partners before you marry.

    Ask your partners what their porn search words are.
    big, black booty,
    Perky boobs
    big black cock
    Black on white
    lesbian love.

    You will learn everything you need to know about your partners.

    Now go get yours.

    • Chuks

      December 20, 2015 at 5:00 am

      You are in trouble. Continue. Sebi that is what you want to pass to your generation. Keep it up. The book of Revelation says if you are just be just; if you are filthy be filthy still.

    • chi-e-z

      December 20, 2015 at 5:45 am

      @karate kidnt Thank You full of sense die.chop knuckle.
      If u no get urges na him be say u no dey alive wellu. haba na once a month only oh na im b say u wan make him just no know say he get smthng down thr 4 imself haba selfish somborri 😀

  39. nwa nna

    December 19, 2015 at 11:10 pm

    Kini big deal?! If you no like dude wey dey watch blue then find your way jejely… Not downplaying your concerns or anything but if you feel it’s something that fvcks with your self esteem or self image which I find interesting then ghost… I like porn, me ma I dey enjoy blue film like a mofo :-D…. And for you holier than jesu Nigerians, if you no give your mate better porn star moves for una bedroom then no vex when someone does.. Just saying

    • Ng

      December 19, 2015 at 11:22 pm

      Yet on top your porn star moves, your ass still gets cheated on. Rme

  40. Mr Charles

    December 19, 2015 at 11:37 pm

    I see nothing wrong with Porn. I’m sexually active and when my girl is away(I’m in a serious LDR). . I need to blow of steam from work, stress, etc. Watching a few videos on xvideos.com or pornhub.com or 9japorntube.com ain’t bad. When she’s around It doesn’t come to mind at all. However I can understand why most females fill Jealous about it. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and ensure both of you are honest about your future together. Else you can’t change anybody even if you fast and pray a million times. Even God can’t change a person if the person is not willing to change.

  41. Ruth

    December 20, 2015 at 1:13 am

    I watch porn once in a while in an effort to
    1. Be spontaneous in bed
    2. Give my husband they best there is
    3. Just for the fun of it

    Pls note I don’t like sex, neither does my husband. I just want to fuck his Brains out to make him like it so he can demand it from me as often as possible thus making me also like it

    If u like dy play sister Mary

  42. Ruth

    December 20, 2015 at 1:15 am

    Mr Charles, thanks for adding to the list of porn sites, tot was only redtube.

  43. Honeycrown

    December 20, 2015 at 1:32 am

    In my opinion sha, like “JJ” also mentioned, I will stop the relationship simply because I don’t like wahala. Too much challenges already in life and won’t knowingly want to add avoidable problems on my plate. However, too many “holier than thou” acting like they fast and pray before making love/having sex. I think an African forum is the last place to seek this kinda advise sef.
    One thing about addiction is that abandoning one form of addiction sometimes leads to another addiction (the new addiction is very likely not too far fetched from they one the individual recently abandoned). All the best my sister.

  44. srose

    December 20, 2015 at 3:47 am

    Hey poster,
    I will share my own story with you. My current husband was addicted to porn before we got married. Actually, just like yours, he was before we met and it was used to fill a vacuum in his life. We agreed to not have sex till after marriage as we are both christains but the twist was that I found out he was addicted 6months to our wedding. Well, I cried to God and wondered if I should end things and just like you, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up since I am on the chubby side. Well, fortunately God opened my eyes to the story of Kirk Franklin and his wife. His wife loved him irrespective and continued to stand in the gap for him (I’m not saying our cases are like theirs but its an example). Kirk’s case was worse because in his own words “I had just finished having hot sex with my wife and I’ll find myself watching porn and masturbating”. This was what God showed me and I knew it would be better. Now, I am reaping the fruit of my labour. This is the twist to the whole thing: Even if he stops, when children and sex starts dying down, what will he turn to for solace? have seen cases where the me go out to fufil their fantasies. It’s totally up to you. Pray and seek God’s face (We all have our secret demons and that’s his). Most importantly, make sure the break-up s what you want and nothing should influence your decision except you and God. Goodluck!!!

  45. chi-e-z

    December 20, 2015 at 6:08 am

    My advice kukuma listen I get levels 4 this area. ok I’m not saying I’m addicted now but I used to be asin since 11 years old sef. Now wetin as I come enter twenties I been done dey pray say make I stop this kin thing now after my first real bf I was intimate with at 21 [my first]. I learned alot since he no dey beginner he learnt alot asin he was so surprised at my always urging asin this guy sex own sex drive na superhuman so for me to be the one always always intiating he come fear me small 😀 The thing is some people have a higher libido like I can just stare at my crush and my mind don wander to all sorts nxt thing all moist u no but I realized especially ovulation period it’s un-stopable. The fact that he actually says he lessened to a month tells it has not one thing to do with your ability to satisfy him and everything to do with either 1. stress-reliving 2. higher than usual libido. Honestly, if you don’t feel comfortable with it then don’t be with him but there are bigger things to worry about like is he truthful with you? does he treat you with respect ? is he kind? If yes to all 3 of them you might want 2 really evaluate what’s really making u give want to give him up, this or something else in your heart. I mean I’m not saying it’s impossible since now in my mid-twenties I rarely do maybe 3 times a year [always around 1 week before menstral cycle]. Just love yourself enough to know you are beautiful and no guy should make you feel bad b/c of sex/porn btw you know it should be mostly the other way round right. A real man fulfills your needs first 😉

    • chi-e-z

      December 20, 2015 at 6:27 am

      but look like say no be human she want na Jesus u want abii… ridiculous the kind of stipulations we so-called christians dey put for people head like say everyone suppose dey perfect before needing a savior na wa oh grace na 4 undeserved 4 a reason. anyways I’m not a good christian so make I no count myself 4 una Mother perfection group. over 16 years I been dey think say the man no like women sef but na woman wey him dey find… Do you know how relieved you should be , how you just landed jackpot. 1. He is not a DL brother [that means no be man dey im spect] 2. He actually has a decent-high sex drive [ means he’s going to be atleast decent 4 sheets if not perfection in that expertise] 3. He actually enjoys woman form [that means wear the right something and he’ll be eating out your palm. ] Some people have no clue how men operate or take advantage of their own womanhood. Trust me I have lived with mostly men, almost all my friends are guys. ..If he stops watching or wateva u can put blocks on computer all you want. He”ll just stare extra hard at any sexy thing in a skirt on tv 4 road, etc no mean say he go cheat just mean say u don land a regular Straight guy be happy oh be very happy

  46. pocah

    December 20, 2015 at 9:47 am

    Woow. Pornography is a bigger problem than I thought fa

  47. Naomi

    December 20, 2015 at 11:16 am

    “This guy has been addicted to porn for years so it is now your own responsibility to carry the mess abi???
    If Buhari asked him to stay in his house for a week without porn in exchange for a juicy contract, will he not do it??

    Women you better be tough on your lives or else you will be the most unfulfilled human beings on earth. This is the point of decision and you are very fortunate now. Think very well o before you become a pathetic case. I don’t even want to go into details. Do you know the meaning of porn at all? ”
    Yes Amaka PREACH!!!!

  48. ibk

    December 21, 2015 at 4:01 am

    I had to go anon on this.So i once had a guy i was talking to.Dude has been abstinence for two years and he tells me he watches porn to make do..I believe in no sex before marriage and when I date you ,I smooch but no sex,On the day we finally smooched after months of talking on the phone dude was so selfish in bed!No foreplay he wanted to watch porn and just go straight to sex according to him I have passed all the test but the final test is him having sex with me and me getting pregnant so he can then marry me.I’m 34 and he’s 45.I told myself what BS.I removed my eyes from the fact that he’s intelligent ,wealthy and i took a walk away from all that bullshit!

  49. prince

    December 21, 2015 at 12:46 pm

    90 to 95% of guy masturbates and 60% of chics do. if a guy masturbate just once a month, that’s not bad at all.
    My own question is, do you guys have sex or you’re one of those ‘BED UNDEFILED’ babes. Its even good for you that you have someone that tells you whenever he does it. Most married men do it.
    I have been at a place where I usually buy movies and I noticed the aged men picking up stuff and just paying, I asked the guy that sells the movies he packed for them that i’ll love to see them and maybe select, but lo and behold, they were PORN, in series.
    If your guy does it once a month, be thankful. Masturbation is NOT A SIN. Get that into your head

    • nnayi

      December 21, 2015 at 2:03 pm

      Prince come nd open our brain nd throw d fact dt masturbaton z nt a sin …ur mouth like get dt into ur head….tchew..masturbation z a sin…it is uncleanliness..dnt feed pple with d wrong tin…d wrong z right nowadays..come Lord jesus…smh

  50. Kit Kat

    December 21, 2015 at 11:10 pm

    What part of the bible says masturburation is a sin?

  51. Tosin

    December 22, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    what can i do to help people stop worrying about stuff they need to stop worrying about?

    • Tosin

      December 23, 2015 at 6:38 am

      Alright, try this please: marriageheat.com/2015/12/22/sin-love-sexual-expression/

      And in 2016, f- or don’t f-, in the blessed assurance that God wants you to. And definitely get educated, enjoy a little porn if that’s what you are called to do, help yourself to some masturbation (the most natural, safe, Godly thing in the world) … and encourage others to do the same.

    • John

      December 25, 2015 at 1:59 am

      EVIL advisor and Adviser

  52. Miss Q

    December 25, 2015 at 1:58 am

    None is better TK. I’d rather a man who does none of them. I want peace, don’t want to die.

  53. jnizubs

    December 30, 2015 at 5:02 pm

    My advice to the girl leave this relationship..my advice to the boy, go and solve your addiction problems before looking for a partner.

  54. ruby

    December 30, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    If you guys are truly having a full disclosure relationship, then just show him your writeup (that’s part of fully disclosing on your part, I think it is an expression of how you truly feel and the decision you intend to make.
    If over 2yrs the frequency has reduced I think there is an improvement. I can bet you are not a saint yourself. Romans 3:23
    If he loves God and he loves you and you see that he is really sincere with his intention to change and be delivered; please don’t discourage him by leaving him. How many times have we failed God and he gave another chance and another chance and another chance over and over again. It is important you establish the truth that he yearn for God. All other things will fall in line.

  55. ekky

    December 30, 2015 at 10:03 pm

    Story of my life 2 years back. I didnt share it with anyone, i just walked away. porn addicts are always going to have issues with lust which will lead to other bigger issues. He almost hit another car one day he was taking me home from work bcos he was looking @ someone else. I just advised myself & walked away. Now married, i have no regrets.

  56. ruby

    December 30, 2015 at 10:31 pm

    If you guys are truly having a full disclosure relationship, then just show him your writeup (that’s part of fully disclosing on your part), I think it is an expression of how you truly feel and the decision you intend to make.
    If over 2yrs the frequency has reduced I think there is an improvement. I can bet you are not a saint yourself. Romans 3:23
    If he loves God and he loves you and you see that he is really sincere with his intention to change and be delivered; please don’t discourage him by leaving him. How many times have we failed God and he gave another chance and another chance and another chance over and over again. It is important you establish the truth that he yearns for God. All other things will fall in line.

  57. General Matt

    January 2, 2016 at 1:32 am

    All these people quick to bring religion into this…pray, fast, etc bullshit.
    Sweetheart, I think you should just leave the guy. If you can’t take this ‘Porn addiction’ (that makes me laugh), leave him alone. There are millions of girls out there that NEED a man like that since you cannot accept his weaknesses.

    Come to think of it,
    1. for some reason he made you his accountability partner (which is stupid), meaning he wants to change.
    2. he accepted your own past and weaknesses
    3. he chose to be honest with you (another sublime but foolish move)

    Everyone has a weakness. Don’t imagine you will leave him and find a PERFECT man elsewhere. Is he loyal to you, does he strive to succeed, does he respect you and your family, does he respect his family especially his parents?

    If he does all these…he’s a good guy with a weakness as we all are…and you really need to know the amount of men battling with pornography and those that have conceded defeat and moved on with their lives. Don’t think he will love those models more than he loves u, that’s a lie.

    Do you even consider that perhaps becos you haven’t had sex with him yet, he find solace in porn? And you hyper-judgement position of him being an hypocrite is just laughable. Good job condemning the man that love you, you just took on the role of the accuser.

    Personally, My opinion, if u can’t accept his weakness, leave!!!! He’s a good man, he will find someone else.

  58. Aviela

    January 19, 2016 at 2:00 am

    This porn business is such a deal breaker for me.Impeccable,intelligent,every woman’s dream?obviously not yours if you are second guessing your relationship.You already feel this way in 2 years imagine if you are married and have to deal with this for as long as you stay married.Thank God for showing you this,because believe me,it would only get worse and you would spend your waking hour on your knees praying or waking up at midnight to pray when you can save yourself the trouble by walking away from the relationship.

  59. Ade

    February 3, 2018 at 7:47 am

    Amakas comment is a very vindictive and close minded comment and you people agreeing with her are in the same boat. What do you know about winning over an addiction. Do you know how many people globally are being hooked to porn. Its just because people do not say it because they are scared. Do you think your so-called husband also doesnt watch it. A porn site is on the top 16 must visited sites in Nigeria which means you likely have family mmbers who may be viewing or hooked. Give constructive advice to all parties. Cant stand you vindictive Nigerians. I know you posted this comment 3 years ago. I just hope you are smarter today.

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