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William Ifeanyi Moore: Falling in Lust

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A lot of us would deny it, but falling in lust remains one of the most intoxicating feelings, and most common too. The average person knows exactly what they want from someone they have just met. Guys, believe it or not, these ladies are just as perverted as you and me. If you think a girl has never wanted you just for sex, then they have you fooled. Guys on the other hands are more or less famous for being fans of lust and having a phobia for love.

Most of the time, falling in lust starts with a minor sexual attraction sparked by curiosity. There are people we meet and we can tell we really haven’t got enough to sustain any kind of intellectual relationship, but still, we develop this craving for them and don’t even understand it’s just a sexual thing. Socially, because men aren’t judged a lot for expressing our sexuality, it is a lot easier for men to identify and admit being in lust to ourselves. Women on the other hand find themselves trying to convince their mind that this isn’t just a lust thing when it is obvious there is nothing else to it. Of course the conditions around falling in lust can mirror falling in love with a sense of possessiveness and the jealousy it comes with. Lots of friends with benefits don’t want to trade stories about their escapades with other partners because it is in our current sex culture to be quite possessive. But ironically, when people in lust find themselves in a dating situation, the relationship breaks down into nothing, because it has no core to start with.

Some people will tell you about a guy or girl they have been sleeping with for years. Even when they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, they carry on with this person and sometimes don’t even consider it cheating – as bizarre as it might sound. It doesn’t help matters when the sex is good, certainly not when it is better than what they are getting from their relationship. Ladies, please back me up here. Almost every sexually active girl you know has a guy that she goes to for servicing when needed; some have more than one. These groups of guys are not to be dated, but to be slept with, and these guys don’t even have to take the girl out or do any of that fancy stuff. I would say men have our group too, but that is popular knowledge.

The understanding that it is absolutely natural to find someone only sexually attractive is something a lot of us struggle with. Fortunately for men, the idea is praise to our ego; like how a female co-worker smacking your bum is more of a compliment than sexual harassment. Women, on the other hand, aren’t always at peace with the idea of being nothing more than the object of a man’s sexual desire. That’s why women are known to make statements like ‘you just want to f*ck’ or ‘you just want me for my body.’ This mentality of wanting people only in a physical sense even pre-dates romanticism, which was hardly in existence before the Troubadours poets of the French courts (12th century).

Everything is not for everybody. Some will like you for the inner you, some will only like your outer shell. It doesn’t make them shallow or belittle the inner you. We are just being mammals and need to get used to it.

P.S Have you ever had a lust crush that became an obsession, or perhaps just a fleeting one. You have the floor.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Monkey Business Images Ltd 

William Ifeanyi Moore is an MPharm graduate from the University of Portsmouth, UK. His true passion is in novels and poetry but he cheats on them with movies, plays, and music. He believes sacrifice and compromise is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. His debut novel Lonely Roads is out on 10/12/2015. Blog: www.soulsyrup.space Twitter: @willifmoore Instagram: willifmoore

28 Comments

  1. Keneth

    December 22, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    How long shud a guy ask a girl out, if he really likes her? Is there sense in waitin for 2years when u feel that there is a possibility that her ”NO” or ”i am not ready” might never turn into a YES?… I mean theres always [email protected] possibility right? I have seen guys wu waited for years! And i am ready to wait…but how about if she never says yes?

    • Smiley

      December 22, 2015 at 6:14 pm

      I would advice you stop waiting. She is living life and yours is on a pause. You don’t her to be with you out of pity do you? Or as a plan B. I would think your significant other, should think the world of you and not someone she settled for. Not dated in a year. But I would rather wait for that connect than be with someone just because I’m lonely. I hope you take a decision that best suits you.

    • Keneth

      December 22, 2015 at 7:57 pm

      Thanks

    • Realkastino

      December 27, 2015 at 7:15 pm

      Anyone that waits that long for a woman is really a fool. I don’t know why men find it hard to come to reality and accept when a woman is not interested

  2. ednutey

    December 22, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    @keneth:if the feeling is mutual she’ld say yes the 1st time u ask,even if not the 1st time,it wont take long to say yes,if she says yes after 2 years its cos the person she was hoping wld toast her didnt come thru or they broke up and she ‘settled’ for you.

    @William:ur writeups just have a way of hitting home.This lust thing is strong and it takes a conscious effort to put urself straight….and its true that some girls just see guys as objects to be used too,its almost awkward to think women think that way these days too sha….

  3. omoge

    December 22, 2015 at 5:50 pm

    if she says no again by the end of this year, come and ask me out

  4. Tosin

    December 22, 2015 at 6:04 pm

    some of you children here have spoilt finish, starting with your ringleader.
    blackdragon blog to spoil better – you’re welcome.

  5. Me

    December 22, 2015 at 6:46 pm

    This mr Moore, you are scary oh, why are you leaking the secrets of we gyals them teheheheeee…. I used to be like that until I gave my life to Christ :).. As in it was bad, when I see a guy that I want, I make sure I get him but I always knew it was only for sexual reasons. And after I’m done or until I find a new prey, I toss them aside and it’s like they never existed. Trust me I don’t need their money, or all these unnecessary romantic stuff, it’s just perfect if he’s clean and good at what he does 😉 and even friends and family would never know who they are……The temptation is still there when I see someone who I’m really really attracted to but I always pray about it/ avoid being around them and I pray God forgives my past and hopefully someday I meet someone that I’m totally in love and lust with ;)… It’s all good Sha, right now I’m all about knowing my God, finding myself, and basking in the joy that is my purpose in life :)…May God forgive me and help us all.

  6. Confusedgirl

    December 22, 2015 at 7:01 pm

    One thing I can add is there are also a lot of women that go back to their ex for sex. More commonly when they are yet to start a new relationship. For d bad situationships d girl may even be in a relationship, or may even be married. But they just see themselves always going back to dis same ex for sex. It’s kinda a friend for benefit situation too smtimes, they are already used to d guy sexually especially if d sex is out of dis world. They know they can Neva be in a committed rltshp with d guy, but u just find urself going back. You may even get married and still yet you find urself still lusting after dis sex. Iv unfortunately found myself in dis situation. I keep going back to my ex, while there is smone new in my life, but we are not exclusive yet, plus d new guy doesn’t even live in d country. I will have to stop eventually, but it beats sleeping with a brand new guy.

  7. Keneth

    December 22, 2015 at 7:56 pm

    Thanks smiley! Your words have been received and taken note off!

  8. Laolu

    December 22, 2015 at 8:21 pm

    I have 2 different stories to tell; I tried to date a particular girl from years 2 to final in school but always turned me down, not even a single date. Got posted to the same state for NYSC, still nothing, so I gave up. 2 years later we ran into each other in a banking hall in Lagos, this time around, she’s wearing an engagement ring, spoke briefly and to catch up on old times, exchanged numbers again and yeah, we started having bomb sex barely a week later; no dates, movies or hang outs, just sex and more sex, like I have never had before. This continued for 6 consecutive weeks and then, she got married.
    It’s one of the glamorous weddings in Lagos in 2015. This is life.

    I’m presently sleeping with a colleague who’s engaged to a guy studying outside the country, it’s crazy in a lot of ways because sometimes while she’s on the phone with her boo, I could be doing things to her or vice versa. It’s been going on for a months now and her boo isn’t back in the country until sometimes next year. Much as I’m feeling used, she made it clear she can’t stop f****8ng me and honestly, I can’t too.

    It’s hard for a man to admit being used cos sex to a man is like a conquest but I know my position and the good thing is im VERY single.

    Please don;t judge me….

    • Di

      December 23, 2015 at 2:03 am

      They both were using you for revenge sex. I think

  9. Olanipekun Ayomide

    December 22, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    oga kenneth, this is true tho, Lust is a very strong feeling ooo, Probably as strong as love, this friends with benefit thing sef, when it start first, it is enjoyable at first, when feelings start getting involved, it changes, Most ladies would accept at first instance that they just want a guy for sex, There is a saying that what is good for the goose is good for the gander not always sh. On the other hand when it comes to getting laid we guys we are a different beast entirely!!!

  10. Olanipekun Emmanuel

    December 22, 2015 at 9:05 pm

    oga kenneth, this is true tho, Lust is a very strong feeling ooo, Probably as strong as love, this friends with benefit thing sef, when it start first, it is enjoyable at first, when feelings start getting involved, it changes, Most ladies would accept at first instance that they just want a guy for sex, There is a saying that what is good for the goose is good for the gander not always sh. On the other hand when it comes to getting laid we guys we are a different beast enatirely!!!
    I really want you guys to check a post i put up on this website via this link inforloded.com/2015/12/money-maketh-world-round-or-does-it.html

  11. Honeycrown

    December 22, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    Hmmm….I remember when I was about 16 (after sec school) and the hormones were kicking badly, there was this one broda like this o. Odikwa fine bobo. As in bros yen hanz like wetin!!!! All I prayed for back then was for him to take me and just do me anyhow. See fantasies.
    Meanwhile, his younger brother that was my age mate liked me but I no give am face because Na only hin oldest broda dey my vision. I was so jazzed with lust but in the end sha, I thank God the man never looked my side and I was shipped off to college before I “committed”. Na so I for don enter one chance or begin aristo runz career.
    its funny ever since then, I never been attracted to older guys or dated anyone over 3 years older than me.

  12. I CAN'T HELP IT

    December 22, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    Man this is my current dilemma. I can’t bring myself to love any guy again (after a life-changing heartbreak). Right now I’m on a lusting spree. Once I see a guy I’m attracted to, one way or the other, we must bang. Even when I try to be committed to one guy, I will still go after other hot guys, whether his friends or his brothers idc. I really don’t know why I do it. I just want to have them. I hope I change soon tho.

  13. ghen ghen something

    December 22, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    “Almost every sexually active girl you know has a guy that she goes to for servicing when needed; some have more than one. These groups of guys are not to be dated, but to be slept with, and these guys don’t even have to take the girl out or do any of that fancy stuff. I would say men have our group too, but that is popular knowledge”
    I say no more

  14. chyka

    December 22, 2015 at 10:45 pm

    God has long forgiven and forgotten your past. Bask in His joy dear. I Totally relate coz i used to be like that too but weirdly, mine was more like “object of affection” rather than sex…just be there when i need to talk or cuddle. Lol

  15. theurbanegirl

    December 22, 2015 at 11:26 pm

    *grabs popcorn*

  16. Californiabawlar

    December 22, 2015 at 11:47 pm

    My main tell that it’s lust is when I unabashedly ‘chase’ a guy.
    Current scenario. Guy1: I really like, smart, not so good looking but everything I want in a long term partner. Similar career, believer, very mature and has me on my toes….surprisingly great sense of humor.

    Guy2: Tall and skinny plus he’s in the military (yes, I’m a stereotype, the uniforms have an effect on me). He has all what gets my pheromones raging on the short term…..he’s not my type in any other way….from the eay he reasons to the way I perceive he’d even treat me in a relationship. Abeg boss na bus stop….make we just help each other through this winter. Plus he’s a healthy distraction so I’m not too needy with the guy I really like.

    See, guy 1, I can’t even text him anyhow, I’m trying to handle myself with some dignity…. You know he could be my husband someday (God pleaseeee let him be my husband!!) and I don’t want him to loose interest because I’m coming on too strong. Of which I know that if I have to plot this hard, then it’s a lost cause ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️?
    Guy2 on the other hand? Ta! I’m always texting him, complimenting him….even me i haven’t been on this level of flirting before….he inspires me on another level ? I’m not sure if he knows I’m in it for the physical….but he’s having fun too, so #shrugs. He’s never talked relationships too so I can’t be accused of leading him on.

    • Tosin

      December 25, 2015 at 5:43 pm

      😉
      tooo cuuute

  17. sincerely yours

    December 23, 2015 at 3:29 am

    It’s funny how women have a way of denying things / lie_ing to ourselves, it has never dawn on me that as a woman allowed to do this, but then flashing back to NYSC days, we were chose to represent our state in Abj for War against Poverty, and I met dis cool, tall, handsome cute looking dude, I was fantasising about him in broad daylight! Apparently he noticed me too( power of seduction) I would constantly stare @ him in the eyes! He had to ask! What do u c in ma eyes n I replied! Nothing. We finally bcame friends, project mate, we were shared in d same group, and dat was how dis lustfulness( Devil’s Instrument) against weak souls! All I wanted was to have him cuddle me,and proceed to the next level but he was strong and wanted something more, A relationship when I just wanted Sex! I had to pretend when we saw in lagos that am up and ready for d rltnship,kept luring him to watch movies with me till late night n all, hoping we would just lodge and have sex! But Hmmmmm! It didn’t happen! I had to even tell him, I just want to feel u and I would do anything just so you can lay with me! He insisted it’s not fair and won’t be fair to him if he doesn’t work out! It was then I realised it was just Lust that I had and the guy was in Love!

  18. Matilda

    December 23, 2015 at 9:15 am

    “P.S Have you ever had a lust crush that became an obsession”… sigh!!!! this is the most difficult thing to go through. I’m living this right now. it started out as a crush, like DAMN!! guy is FINE!!! I’ve had crushes before so I thought this would pass… omo, thing became an obsession o… I would plan it so we can be at the same spot at the same time, whenever he did talk to me I’d cream like I’d never creamed before. its ridiculous. I’ve prayed about it sef but still, he’s all I think about. I don’t know what this is really. we’ve never hung out, we’ve never had personal convos so I have no idea why I feel so strongly about this man. i’ve done things with him in my head that porn stars would be jealous of… SIGH!! I need help! how do you get over someone you were never with? I need to get him out of my head

    • yuletideangel

      December 23, 2015 at 11:06 pm

      Hi Matilda, i have been there. I had to get myself to talk to this guy for the sake of my sanity. i also prayed about it. After a while when i saw the guy wasn’t reciprocating my green light, i let him go. i still see him in church but i try not to let his presence consume me telling myself he is only a fantasy and not my reality, i got too much self respect to be loving a guy from a distance withou\t him reciprocating despite me making attempts like a 21st century girl… i also started seeng other guys and eventually forgot him. Give it time, you will soon get over him soon

  19. New peason

    December 23, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    Good write ups. Just like Me told her story earlier I was the same.
    At some points I was even acting like I run the world. Cuz I liked someone physically I would made him noticed an eventually it will end where i wanted it to end. I decided when and where and how. 3years ago I met a wonderful man and I wasn’t ready for engagement. 3years later he proposed, I said “I will think about it”. during the course of our relationship, I was seeing other men – physically engaged with 3. One was an ex lust, one was someone I always had around even before this last ex and someone else I dont even remember now and in between I was seeing other pple without being sexually interactive.
    Then it was time for the wonderful man and I to conclude things and fix a date and all. I moved to where he was only to find out after day10, he started seeing someone else a month before my coming. Was I hurt? YES! I actually felt I was paying for all those times I disrecpected his love and care for me going after people that didnt really cared about me.
    Luckily before this unfortunate event, I decided not to see another man again blablabla. Blablabla because we sometimes think it’s a personal decision when it has become a bad habit to fight against.
    Then I decided to know God but didnt take the bold step of acknowledging Jesus in my life.Then I met someone who was not my type but we ended up doing it 3 times. Then I lost interest. Fast forward, I took that bold step. down the line I met someone else whom I shared that sex wasnt going to be a part of our equation; after arguments, we ended up doing it only for me to hear 2days later after knowing him for a month that his ex gf has a 1year old baby by him. I knew he had one child from his previous marriage but he never told me about the ex gf and the baby; he actually lied and used sex to tie me thinking after that I wont leave his ass…
    Fast forward, I decided not to engage in nay sexual intercourse until I get what is planned for me in this life. So So SO Went to a cocktail, this man seemed nterested and I was like “why not???” truth be told I was not itnerested like that. since he wasnt living around, he came for a weekend and we kissed like I stopped kissing a year prior to him… then his fingers went where they went to and when I felt that, I started crying. He didnt understand why I was crying, got scared, stopped and vowed never to touch me like that again. did his fingers felt good inside of me? I cant remember. He wanted me to see psy cuz he felt I have unresolved issue within me. But I said to myself God is my only psy. I wont be spending money on another human being to tell me I was traumatised.
    I know the years I was playing with guys has a lot to do with the fact that I am not able to feel anything during sex. I know the years I was playing the bad girl has a lot to do with the fact that I couldnt be with only one man. I know the way I saw my dad treating my mum had a lot of impact on how I decided to play it with life.
    Right now I am trying to build a healthy mind and a healthy body. Mind you 3weeks ago, I got raped by a buglar in my appartment. I know for a fact that God will deal with him although I asked myself why it happened when I made a convenant with God about this body of mine?

    where am at today!? sometimes I am happy alone, sometimes I feel like talking to someone who is not God/Jesus. Cnstant battle. Healing takes time and understanding my salvation and the process to take me from where I am today to my promise land also takes time.

    The advice I could give to young ladies, do not play with your body. The number of men you sleep with is important. If you could keep yourself for your man, I encourage you by all means to do it. If you can’t a beg limit your sexual partners

    • abby

      December 24, 2015 at 7:50 am

      I have learnt to limit my sexual partners….not sleeping with any man again till he puts a ring on it….Thank God I learnt dat early…right from school days I had a problem with sex just for the fun of it.most times I feel bad after the whole thing, and my ex encouraged me not to sleep with any other guy till I got married.

  20. [email protected]

    December 23, 2015 at 4:12 pm

    New person, thank you and God bless you. Your message hit so close to home. Thank you again and I pray you find healing by God’s special grace. Amen
    About this post, hmmmm, dear writer, you know these things. All what you wrote is so true. But right now, love and lust for me biko. Looking for just lust can be a trap.

  21. therealerniemac

    December 23, 2015 at 9:51 pm

    All I can say is wow! to all the comments

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