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Aunty Bella: Miss. Is My Boyfriend Stingy?



reduced_dreamstime_l_43510657Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. To submit any problem for the BN fam to help you tackle, you can email us – or leave it as a comment.

fee left this comment under another Aunty Bella post today.


Is my boyfriend stingy or just wicked?

Am usually the type to keep my relationship issues to myself but I just have to let this out, it’s eating me up.

I have been dating this guy since 2010 during university days till date. I am 24 and presently a Corper. I haven’t dated a lot of guys so he is like everything about relationships I know. Although there has been a few breakups in between, somehow we find ourselves back together. I have been through thick and thin with this guy. When there is zero Naira to when there is a few bucks to spend (he spends all on himself by the way). I do not know what being pampered feels like. I do everything by myself.

Make my hair, buy my clothes etc. I am used to struggling by taking up part time jobs/internships to buy the things i want and thankfully God has been kind to me. He says he loves me and cannot do without me but I think he is wicked and self centered. I now even forget I have a boyfriend when am in some kind of financial situation. It is that bad. Sometimes I ask myself what I am doing with this bloke but still, I have being optimistic things will get better and I would enjoy with him in the future.

So he got a job, an alright pay and I was happy at least not because I expect him to spend everything on me, but because I now have a shoulder to lean on when I need financial help. Well, that is not the case. Whenever I ask for little sums just to do one or two things, he gets angry and complains terribly how he has bills here and there. Most times, he doesn’t even want to hear what my request is about. He just shuts me up. Even when I ask for a loan, I get same excuses.

In 6 months if I ask him for money twice, I get once and a quarter of the amount. I get very disapointed because I am reasonable, considerate and I do not ask for money where there is none. He doesn’t do anything for me, never bought me a gift, never interested in my ideas but he does everything for his sisters and buys them 12,000 Naira body cream.

Relationship is not because of money some people will say but I believe in sharing with your partner. I have supported him in my own little way when things got really bad. I don’t know why he gets the way gets when I bring up the issue of money. This is one amongst other things I have to tolerate in the relationship.

I am really fed up and I don’t mind breaking up with him because of this money issue. I believe he is not going to change even if he has all the millions in he world. I don’t know how i fell in love with this guy and he is already talking about marriage.

I need your help guys….

~ fee

Photo Credit:


  1. Naomi

    February 3, 2016 at 6:26 am


    • kehinde

      February 3, 2016 at 4:34 pm



  2. Naomi

    February 3, 2016 at 6:33 am

    Mama always said… ”You can give without loving, but you can’t love without giving.”
    Oga madam, you need to understand your love language first and his own love language too.
    It is highly likely one of your love languages is Gifts ie gift giving n receiving. Yes u need someone supportive not just in terms of financial support.
    Find out the reason(s) why he is not quick to help.
    A man truly in love with a lady would be ready to assist in whatever way he can.

    • ATL's finest

      February 3, 2016 at 11:19 am

      @ Naomi lol.. Don’t forget Valentine’s day is around the corner too. He ain’t got time to spend his 2cents.

  3. Chika_Proudblackboy.

    February 3, 2016 at 7:05 am

    After reading through your post, the advert below: #Runlagos marathon by access bank caught my attention. I feel it could help keep your mental balance and well-being in check. May be when you cover few kilometres, you will be able to think for yourself and draw to conclusion on what you want from your relationship.

    • Taiwo

      February 3, 2016 at 9:46 am

      Chika You’re a slack pant!!! Lmaoooooo!! She should run ba?
      Babe, you seriously need to reconsider this fella. He is stingy!!! If he treats you this way now, it’s going to be much worse if you get married to him. He obviously doesn’t see the need to buy you anything.

  4. Me

    February 3, 2016 at 7:10 am

    You already know the answer.. Break up with him and block/delete him from your life. He doesn’t love you and he’s not stingy (since he buys his sister 12,000 naira cream)… If he finds the person he truly loves and would spend all he’s got on, he would leave you.

  5. patcute

    February 3, 2016 at 7:27 am

    From all you’ve said, the truth is, the guy is stingy. 2 things, either you stay with him and continue to find. Or yourself or you leave. He will never change and when the babies start coming, get ready to be responsible for them. Don’t feel bad leaving him because he’s stingy. I think that’s enough reason to leave. For me, IT’S A RED FLAG. I can’t put up with a stingy guy, I’m as open as a book when it comes to finances and I expect same from my partner/spouse.

  6. adrian

    February 3, 2016 at 7:27 am

    If it’s this way for years,what makes you think it won*t b worse when u gt married?Ditch the dude..sorry to bust the `guy code’ bt dearie,u gots to gt a-steppin’…move on wit ur life

  7. Lily

    February 3, 2016 at 7:29 am


  8. Lem

    February 3, 2016 at 7:38 am

    My dear the guy is not stingy, if he can spend such amounts on his sisters then that is not a trait of a stingy man. For me it’s either of two things 1. He believes you should not ask him for money maybe cos you never used to and were probably even assisting him with yours or 2. He just does not love you. Either way like @ Patcute said its a BIG RED FLAG and the cycle will continue should you guys get married. So be WISE

  9. ACE

    February 3, 2016 at 7:44 am

    Yeah! He is stingy and self centered . Love is giving!!! Don’t get it twisted run. I was in one of those, the guy would withdraw my money and one day he tells me he can’t have less than 50k in his account meanwhile dude just emptied mine. Please run the other way.

  10. Akos

    February 3, 2016 at 7:57 am

    Dear Fee, among all your complains about your guy you never mentioned how you communicated to him about his stingy behaviour. You see maybe he is not aware of how much he is hurting you. As you mentioned that you are used to struggling by taking up part time jobs and helping yourself. Maybe the guy sees you as an independent woman who is capable of doing things for themselves. Some men take women like you for granted sometimes. Make your concerns known to him, as you mentioned that he is even thinking about marrying you. Tell him how you are not ready to marry a man who is not ready to help you. Fee you see there’s no such thing as a perfect guy. The next guy you will run to will hav faults too. Right I will stop ranting now…lol. Good luck fee

  11. chi-e-z

    February 3, 2016 at 8:16 am

    Never marry a stingy man oh just don’t do it. If he finds it hard to give now your children go suffa tire…. run oh #Igbogalsense 😀 I’m fixin echo er’one love is sharing,caring,givin anything but selfish…

  12. ifeanyi

    February 3, 2016 at 8:18 am

    Madam! Now, this is not a Put-down…but take this advice!

    You come from a Family of women that thinks a man should do somethings for you…which is not bad in itself but the guy is obviously not on the same page…

    Let me relate you a story…

    My friend’s dad told us…we should never spend huge money on our girls friends? I was like why? His reason…Until you get married, all money spend is a waste and can never come back…then, he went on to relate of how he spent money for this guy while in University, paying her bills and school fees…and she is now in her husband house!

    As much as I dont agree with it…I would advice you to quit whining! Focus on yourself and your Income! Forget His Money…Try to make more…Try to save more and invest more…try to do more than necessary to have a good life…when he sees you making those efforts…the guy wants a part to be in your life…

    Until you keep saying he is stingy and looking for him to help you, you’ve lost your respect…he wouldn’t value you much!

    • Chi

      February 3, 2016 at 9:24 am

      This sort of man will NEVER value you even if you stand on your head and do cartwheels.

      All this story for who? Akuko

  13. Nadia

    February 3, 2016 at 8:24 am

    If he can do for his sisters but not for you then he does not value you as a partner.

    • Mbaks

      February 3, 2016 at 12:50 pm

      @Ifeanyi, listen to urself.. Wht kind of relationship are you “prescribing”?

  14. Kelechi

    February 3, 2016 at 8:25 am

    It is quite hard to understand most of you ladies at times. Campaigning for equality while in the other hand want to be treated special. If you want equal right, be ready for equal left.. Go and acquire your own money. If you are a guy , and your girlfriends says you are stingy, then you are very wise. I spend most of my money on family, no one got time to waste on what might never be.

    • Cindy

      February 3, 2016 at 9:27 am

      You did not read the part where she said she assists him in her own little way when things are down abi?

    • Tkum

      February 3, 2016 at 11:00 am

      mtcheww…how would he read, does he ever read.. most times i think he just loves the rush in commenting without sense.

    • ifeanyi

      February 3, 2016 at 11:52 am

      She shouldn’t support Him!!!

      She should support herself!

    • Mbaks

      February 3, 2016 at 12:51 pm

      @Ifeanyi, listen to urself.. Wht kind of relationship are you “prescribing”?

  15. jhennique

    February 3, 2016 at 8:43 am

    Na you spoil that boy!
    I dont encourage any girl to be demanding but as women it gives us the satisfaction to know that our boo can go lengths for us. I want to receive thoughtful, out-of-the-blue gifts just to know im being thought of.
    It doesnt have to be pricey, it could even be a gesture as little as a massage. But boo must love me past his lips.
    You may think you will be able to cope but things will get worse after marriage. I will never encourage any girl to go ahead with a man who isnt willing to reasonably spend on you. If he doesnt spend on the woman he claims to love who will he then spend on. Run for your life!!

  16. ebony

    February 3, 2016 at 8:47 am

    My dear, v been dre b4. If u can b independent, dnt depend on him for anything, make urself happy, do things dt mke u happy, bone d guy. When he sees u r doing well nd happy without him, he will value u nd ur worth.
    Get a job, get busy, GOd always have a way of meeting ur needs.
    I knw its nt easy, bt dts d only way out.
    Or beta still may b he is nt d man for u, cos if he is, he will pamper u nd mke u feel like a queen ,he will support u.
    V been dre b4. How GOd helpd me was dt he gave me a job at d ryt tym nd i got busy, removin my mind frm all d boyfrend saga.
    MKE URSELF HAPPY,SMILE MORE OFTEN,ENJOY UR COMPANY,D MAN FOR U WILL C DSE ND LOVE U FOR dear,life is short for one man wey no value u to com cut am sshort for u.
    Hhe is sayin marriage now, my sis, dis na fire ooo, now dt u two r jst datin u r already complainin, hw will it now b in marriage???
    Ask ur self questions cos all u c now in ur datin is a pointer to marriage ooo.
    Can he tke care of u?, can he meet ur needs den oda needs like billss follow?? Wht of ur family? Can he tke care of dem???? If no ansr nd INNER PEACE, bak off ooo. BE HAPPY.

  17. Brown

    February 3, 2016 at 8:52 am

    You shouldn’t expect a man that’s not your husband to pay for cloths, hair etc. that’s an idea that should be broken. Needless to say, he is stingy and could careless about you. As women we do not need the flashy things but pampering you once in a while is good. Your still young find someone that will treat you the way you want and deserve to be treated.

  18. Chi

    February 3, 2016 at 8:53 am

    Leave him
    You deserve better
    It only gets worse after marriage

  19. Dr.N

    February 3, 2016 at 9:04 am

    For God so loved the world that he gave….HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON
    Even Abraham gave his only son
    Peter gave up his boat
    You have given him 6 years
    Nne, receive sense!

    • Miss K

      February 3, 2016 at 10:48 am

      Amem! #inmyigboaccent

    • Olanna&Odenigbo

      February 3, 2016 at 1:20 pm

      Amen sister!!!!

      To Fee on the other hand, after receiving sense, please ask yourself….what and what in this relationship are working in your favour…. if the relationship dies today, what will you miss?… that enough to stay? or is it better to free thineself and seek thy loving the way you want….
      Somebody mentioned love language, and i must second that…. if you feel loved by receiving gifts, thoughtful attention, etc…..then there is no amount of hardworking that he wants to be to himself that will satisfy you….. Feeling love is the benefit you get for being with someone that loves you nne… again ask yourself these.

      Personally I am an act of service person, i like problem solvers, you can hang your money all you want, but if you can help me with ideas/solutions/help when the need arise, for me to have less headache/worry, then nna you will get my mumu button…cos i will feel safe with you… but to be useless all round, is NOT allowed!

      Just a side note to men forming financial stinginess under the guise of equality, when you finish forming debate and rationalising what you will,, please DO NOT ATTEMPT to stop me from receiving financial help from well meaning loved ones if the need arises cos na that one dey blow my head pass….. If you refuse me help and my bros/friend offer me- (they will cos they got my back)…dear boo, i will not be refusing…. ok! I shall flourish and you shall be wondering how! Just putting it out there.

    • o

      February 3, 2016 at 5:46 pm

      Dr.N for President!!!…na real receive sense.

    • Blueberry

      February 3, 2016 at 7:17 pm

      Lol….chop knuckle! This one na better sense.

  20. Hephie Brown

    February 3, 2016 at 9:21 am

    Apparently not everyone on bella naija has sense. Girl said she is hardworking already you are giving lame advice.
    I was in literature class, They will give us list of books, and i will give my dad. If the books came to a total sum of 5000 popcy gave me 2k. He always gave half, or nothing at all. My mum would make up for the rest, or i miss out on a few books. Trust me, you dont want your children having that kind of life. You dont want a man that will not drop money for soup. You dont want a man who claims afterall you have your own money to spend, he wants to invest his own. “That is how it used to start.” RUN! Iv had my fair share of brokeasses, it’s no fun. I like to think there is no one as independent as me. I can count how many times man has given me money. But each time i got without even asking, i always feel this indescribable feeling even if it is 5k. LOVE IS GIVING, LOVE IS SHARING. If it doesnt make u happy dont do it. If he doesnt make u happy, leave. if we tell he’s not stingy but you think he is, it means he is and you will never be happy with that. Independence on the part of a woman is not an excuse, sometimes we need a lil bit of pammpering!

    • Chi

      February 3, 2016 at 9:30 am

      You will live long.

    • kele

      February 3, 2016 at 12:39 pm


  21. Koffie

    February 3, 2016 at 9:24 am

    I can’t empathize with you Fee. While reading your narrative, I kept asking myself if he was your Daddy or boyfriend cos you said he doesn’t pay for your clothes, hair etc. It seems like all you needed the loan for was clothes, cream etc and if I were your blood sister sef, I wouldn’t ‘loan’ you a sum to buy stuff like that unless I’m dashing you.
    The part I see as bad is that he doesn’t buy you gifts (birthdays, Christmas,…) and Vals day is coming bayi. Pele. I hope you do not approach him with a sense of entitlement to his money and equal portions of what he spends on his sisters? I’m saying you can communicate it better without pointing out to him that he spent 12k on his sisters’ body cream. You’ll scare him by acting like you’re competing with them
    I personally would not expect my boyfriend to be the one paying my bills; clothes, feeding, gf allowance etc. If its sugar daddy I want, I’ll expect these benefits-in-kind and a basic salary (I kid). But yep, I’d take you seriously if you weren’t feeling entitled and expect him to be your father. I have been pampered before by an ex but I never had to ask or feel entitled because I always appeared to be in charge of my finances (I was earning less than 70k at the time) and not need him but he still always wanted to. You probably need a new boyfriend that has the same mentality that you do.

    • El nino

      February 3, 2016 at 1:57 pm

      @Koffie: spot on, we should realize it is a relationship and not a job opportunity where you get paid….. the problem is this sense of entitlement (mostly for irrelevant extravagant material possessions if you check closely). however that being said; guys, you need to learn how to spend on your babe now and you need to start practicing while you are dating so it won’t be a problem when you are married ‘cos then she would genuinely be “entitled” to a large portion of your income.. I’ve had similar problems with people i’ve dated and like I always say, communication is very important- state your (reasonable) expectations in a clear and comprehensive manner and if he can’t meet them….. well baby maybe it’s time to move on… @24 you are still quite young and shouldn’t be under any pressure anyway……. good luck dear….

    • fee

      February 3, 2016 at 2:45 pm

      From my write up, it is obvious i was only citing examples when i said ‘make my hair and buy clothes etc’ i have been doing them myself. if u also noticed, i mentioned ‘he is never interested in my ideas’ what is wrong if you have a business idea and ask your boyfriend for a loan (when you know he can help) to invest in it, where in the long run it would be beneficial to you both? if i am going to spend the rest of my life with this person, i believe its only normal to understand how he behave with money. abi?

  22. Lizzy

    February 3, 2016 at 9:30 am

    Ms. my boyfriend is stingy – Is the guy your father or your financial guardian. Why should he be responsible for your own financial responsibilities.Why do majority of Nigerian women think it’s some BOYFRIEND’s responsibility to cater for your needs and wants. Then we wonder why Nigerian men think just splashing money on a woman’s face is the sign of love. Or the ones (Nigerian Men) that are intimidated by a successful woman that has her financial game shit together. They have gotten used to money lynching burdened women. Women like you take the equality some of us are fighting for 50 years back. Why can’t you go out there work your tail off and make your own money. There are so many things (bead making, hair making, baking, tutoring, event management, banner making e.t.c) you could be doing on the side to make money as you work on your NYSC. Why can’t we take it upon ourselves to be financial responsible for our needs instead of waiting to partake in someone’s salary increment.

  23. Koffie

    February 3, 2016 at 9:32 am

    I can’t imagine myself asking for money to make my hair from my boyfriend. Later you’ll come and say he doesn’t respect you and talks anyhow to your relatives.
    Perhaps if she had said he refused giving/loaning her a sum for something tangible and important, I’d see him as stingy.
    I have a stingy relative (immediate) that dodges paying for stuff around the house but if a woman judged him from his giving for stuff like hair and clothes, she’d enter one chance cos he will give her those. It’s when it’s time to pay fees or something tangible that he’d come up with stories. Trust me, your boyfriend isn’t stingy, he just doesn’t see why he should be fathering you.

  24. papermoon

    February 3, 2016 at 9:52 am

    You are dating the dead sea!!! He only receives and never gives. Probably he loves you because you are a no-maintenance girl and hands on too. He doesnt have to spend anything. Who doesnt want cheap side!

    Now this is how your future with him is likely to look.
    1. for your wedding, you will buy your own stuff, the ring, the gown, the food. (the best he may do is insist you split the cost right in the middle)
    2. He wont give you home keeping money (he has bills to pay remember)
    3. He will donate the sperms and the rest is your cost.
    4. He will insist on going through your pay slip so he can refer you when you ask for money

    If you marry him now and later insist that he changes, he will complain that “you have changed”. After all you didnt mind in the beginning, why must he change now.

    Marriage, breeds familiarity which makes a stingy man stingier.

  25. Adaeze Ibechukwu

    February 3, 2016 at 10:00 am

    Someone I know told me that once a man loves you, even if he’s the stingiest person on earth, he’ll be open to give you things because he always wants to express his love for you.
    Babe, it’s 2016 and there’s no time for crap! It’s either you trash this thing out now by having a serious talk with him or you end it. What’s yours will come to you. Don’t waste another six years of your life, grinding stones.

    For thrilling stories, visit

  26. Miss K

    February 3, 2016 at 10:04 am

    I disagree. You see, I love to be independent too and my fiancee knows it however, he never questions me when I ask for financial support, he just does it!

    This guy in question is PLAIN STINGY! Haba, he no try at all. What stops him from buying her body cream along with that of his sisters “just because”; or doing those other things he does for his family? This man appears to be the type that cares for outsiders more than his own family.

    Dear Fee, this right here is a serious bullet coming your way, PLEASE DODGE IT!

  27. Tomisin Magz

    February 3, 2016 at 10:06 am

    Hi Fee,

    If i may ask, why would you expect your boyfriend to pay for your hair/clothes? Let us forget that he may be stingy for a moment. But seriously, why would you expect him to pay for these things? I mean, wouldn’t you pay for these things if you didn’t have a boyfriend? Now put yourself in the guy’s shoes and imagine having a girlfriend who expects you to pay for these things.

    Now about him not giving you gifts, how frequently do you give him gifts? Not necessarily special dates-attached (Vals, Birthday etc) but once-in-a-while gifts. My dear, about supporting you, try to have a conversation with him. Get to the root of the matter. Cos like someone commented above, if he can buy a N12,000 cream for his sisters, then he is not stingy.

    Let me give you an example;
    My bf in University used to offer to help me with pocket money when we just started the relationship. Me, forming independent girl and the fact that i didn’t want him to feel pressured to give me money, i always told no, that we were both students managing. He offered few more times and i still refused. Several months later, i noticed that he had no issues helping other people (girls, guys) but will just have this “I know you can do it” look when it comes to me. I had to ask him one day why he doesn’t offer even when he knows things are very difficult, he then reminded me of what i said at the beginning of the relationship, something that i had forgotten about.

    So my dear, you might have insinuated it a long time ago that you don’t need/want his money, so please have that discussion with him. Let his response guide you to make your decision!

  28. kk

    February 3, 2016 at 10:11 am

    But for real, 7 out of 10 guys are stingy. Maybe not stingy per say,but they’re not just givers.

  29. beauty

    February 3, 2016 at 10:16 am

    I’m sure you saw the signs before you got into a relationship with him in the first place. Getting into a relationship just makes it a bit harder to make life changing decisions; in your case, deciding whether to leave him and all. Having said that, please take my advice and leave him. Get out of that unhappy place you call a relationship. After all you have nothing to loose, as he doesn’t even do anything for you. I’m sure when it comes to the issue of intimacy and sex, he will be number one, rubbish!

  30. salo

    February 3, 2016 at 10:24 am

    my sister pls just flew not even run
    This is a case with my dad, he’s so stingy that you will be friends once you don’t ask him for anything but the moment you do there will be problem and complains, you have to tell him like 3days before that kerosine or gas is abt to finish if not you won’t get any money and you will get plenty abuse.
    he pays half of the school fees, mum pays the remaining half with pocket money,provision and books.
    I can keep on but let me stop here, i’m sure you don’t want to go through all this, imagine how much agony is in the heart of the woman living with that man.
    Please receive sense IJN

  31. Duni

    February 3, 2016 at 10:31 am

    I’m smiling as I say this because this seems very familiar. He doesn’t love you enough. Simple.
    The truth might hurt, but it will set you free.

    Years back, I had someone in my life I could do anything for. He didn’t really do the same, and I excused him, saying he probably didn’t have enough time or money, even though we were both working. Then he met this other girl who is also working. They are together till date. We had an amiable breakup and remain good friends, because I am mature like that (grin), but also because I got over him quickly. But I learned the difference between a man in love and one who doesn’t love you that much – even though he might not be mean.

    One day, he mentioned casually how he places a large order of smoothies for her regularly because she is trying to lose weight; another time, he was excited about how he bought a very expensive ring to propose to her; then he called to ask about organizing a surprise birthday dinner for her; then I found out that he drives from one part of Lagos to another after work almost everyday to see her before she leaves the office etc He asks me questions on what I think a lady would like on valentine’s day, birthdays etc. – and you can hear the love in his voice, even after all this time.

    And I came to a revelation (lol) that he wasn’t bad, he just didn’t love ME enough. When a man loves, he really loves, and you cannot love without giving – time, money, energy, convenience etc.

    So, my dear, he doesn’t love you enough. Move on 🙂

    • Doxa

      February 3, 2016 at 11:08 pm

      Now you’re gonna make me cry.

  32. Nike

    February 3, 2016 at 10:50 am

    I think he does not care that much. To love is to give

  33. ATL's finest

    February 3, 2016 at 11:18 am

    My cousin just asked is the boo ATM??? ???dear writer. I feel U cuz that my #1 ishy smh.. Abeg it takes two to survive jare. So bn stingy is unacceptable.

  34. kristin

    February 3, 2016 at 11:37 am

    @Duni, it is not flesh and blood that revealed that truth to you o. I was in a similar situation and I got the rhema. He didn’t love me enough. So I quickly gave myself sense and moved on. You can’t love without giving or sharing, no matter how little.. I don’t expect a man to buy my clothes or give me money for my hair. In fact, my boyfriend has it easy, I don’t care for designer clothes, I use shea butter and I wear braids but once in a while we buy each other something nice and take care of each other. Nne leave him please. God will bring you someone who will love you properly

  35. lambajimokoyorr

    February 3, 2016 at 11:41 am

    Whatever it is love is about caring and sharing,which is lacking here,i wonder y still maintaining not only the relationship,but contemplating on marriage.Anyway purely African culture before, if you want your children to prosper bear hardship in marriage,if the father don’t give you,the kids will,but remember we are in the 21st century and a word for the wise is enough

  36. mrs chidukane

    February 3, 2016 at 11:43 am

    @Chika, you have won the internet! What a comment, lol! Anyway, my everlasting theory is marriage is rarely sweeter than relationship. If your relationship doesn’t have you daydreaming and smiling to yourself better run. Unless you’re the type that has anointing for management then you can stay and manage. Many people are managing and doing just fine. Sometimes it gets better or it gets worse.

  37. prince

    February 3, 2016 at 11:53 am

    She wants me to tell her to leave the guy abi. OYA, MISS CONFUSE, leave the guy, he’s not the one for you.

    Meanwhile, you’ve been with him for 5years and he’s been that way, yet you stayed glued. what kept you. Maybe the guy sabi BANG I guess so each time you remember that part you just want to remain because that also is as important as the money that he’s not releasing. Lady, you know better. follow your conscience. bye!!

  38. kama

    February 3, 2016 at 12:09 pm

    Fee dear, they’ve said it all’ pls leave that guy and move on. My older sis is suffering that in her marriage till date! I won’t even wish my enemy that kinda guy.

  39. Broke ass girls

    February 3, 2016 at 12:13 pm

    Is he your father?
    Your only problem is the financial aspect- later y’all will say you are equal to us
    Equality my arse!
    If you were equal to him why aint you buying his boxers, buying the food in his house…….

    All d equality drama no pass Bella Naija

    I have said it and will still say it, we are not equal in any sense, as long as you all continue like this.
    Disappointed that all the BNers you see doing strong thing on other posts, are the same ones here talking about receiving and receiving from a guy.

    Girls broke pass church rat, yet be forming big.

    Is it hair that is worrying you now? Dont worry, later he will buy your pant, bra and even tooth brush….Disgrace to womanhood
    Gold digger oshi

    • xag

      February 3, 2016 at 12:35 pm

      No mind them, feminists of convenience. If na man collect the babe money now, they will be shouting about how he’s using her but when a man’s pocket is being emptied its a sign of love. All this talk of independent woman ends online with these people.

    • fee

      February 3, 2016 at 3:03 pm

      you seem to be missing my point. if you noticed i said “this is one amongst other things i have to tolerate in the relationship’ the issue of equality…. would you rather be in competition with your partner? is it a business of do for me i do for you?
      Bottom line is…. if you love someone, you wouldnt want to see them stressed, financially or otherwise. i would do the same for my partner. we should be able to encourage and build each other. xoxo

  40. larz

    February 3, 2016 at 12:20 pm

    When I started working, I remember some people will mentally calculating how much someone in my role should be ending and use that as a yardstick to determine what the level of financial support I should give them. I hated it. The fact is, I am unable to seriously give credence to your story because as much as you portray him a selfish person, it sounds like you are a taker. To even refer back to “how you were supporting him in your own little way is suspect”. The things you do for people are not to be referred to in that light.

    What I read here is a girl with a sense of entitlement from her boyfriend. What he should and shouldn’t do. When you say stuff like if I ask for money twice in a six months….. I was like really? Why?

    Of the men I know (and I know this is by no means representative of the entire male population), the ones that have a relationship of trust with their partners on their finances all have one thing in common- PARTNERSHIP. If you continue down this part, the best you will end up with is a partner that will use money to change dynamic of your relationship (them being superior to you). You wont be on the seat when all big decisions are being made, he makes them, you just do as he says. And yes I have seen full times housewife’s being in position of partnership so it is not just about relative income. There are much more smarter, mutually beneficial way to influence your partner than always ASKING/ demanding for stuff.

    I never once asked my boyfriend for money whilst we were dating before we got married. Instead, I was happy with gifts he gave me. Not coming across as hungry for his money was enough for him to trust me. Within months, he was comfortable enough to trust me with him bank information (card and pin) which I also never abused. In 15 months, he was dragging me along to pick our house and proposed afterwards. He did it mostly on his own and refused offers for financial contribution. At the same time, I have had friends who were demanding the biggest, flashiest designer items or outlook from their boyfriend. They usually end up getting dumped or end up where the man dangles material stuff as bait to them. What is important is, they were never included as active partcipant on the decision making process

    You need to decide which type of relationship you wanna have. Do you wanna be an equitable partner or a kept woman. If you wanna be a kept woman, then your current bf is bad business. Fortunately, there are lots of guys who loves and can afford a relationship like you want.

    • Broke ass girls

      February 3, 2016 at 1:40 pm

      please tell them.
      seems they don’t know what goes on in a guy’s mind when that is all they do
      I can simply tell the girl who is serious and who isnt from all that
      The one who wants to build a family/future or the one who doesn’t care than to finish all the resources.
      I am proud of you

    • berger n akara

      February 3, 2016 at 6:45 pm

      but is it bad to borrow money from him ? I mean, my dad never gives me money.. and I HATE that I have to ask him..and when he does, he takes his time to send it to me.. I do work but not as much because of full time schooling. I borrow funds from my BF who I have been dating since 2010 ( i hate asking people for money, for some reason it makes me feel inadequate).
      he has no problem giving.. i just have to ask and I always do pay back…
      so is it bad to ask ?

    • Olanna&Odenigbo

      February 3, 2016 at 1:50 pm

      TAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! (ok that was me beig dramatic….onto the real now…)

      Larz you’ve made a “one size fits all” assumption…that for a man to view you as a worthy ally/partner, you musnt ask for things you want/need/etc for fear of comming across as a taker…. Girl…you will roast with many men if you choose this approach across board…. It may well have worked for your man given his own specific history, but i can assure you that many relationships end just as easily for refusing to ask, because of being taking for granted….. I can tell you from my experience, that men have thanked me for receiving gifts (money or otherwise) from them….because i realised i never wanted to be controlled/subdued etc cos of money so i never asked…. the downside was that i could be hurting and never speak up for fear of being considered weak, but internal irritations will still rear its head one way or another—-now no matter who you are, thats a wrong mentality for a relationship, cos it defeats the purpose of having one another to share the times with… cos even if she/he cant help with money, they might have other solutions you’d miss out on cos u failed to ask.

      .Also, asking doesnt alter your position if you are relevant to the person you’re relating with….. that only happens where you are already weak even without asking for shit. So please, scratch that. I changed over time, to talk more about things going on with me, and issues affecting me, if any, i will ask for money if i need it, not because i feel entitled to it, but because i know that my loved ones CARE about my wellbeing, and my man should be no different….so if my wellbeing requires financial help at a certain time, best believe he will hear of it, and might i add, he is glad to be of use to his best, even when it isn’t convenient… and he still consults me on his personal moves- major and minor. Please giving and loving ARE NOT mutually exclusive o!!! What you want in marriage, you must practise in your relationship or at least know where you both stand… Before next thing now you will be consulting Aunty Bella cos whilst your mouth was closed, Risi was buyin holiday tickt ontop your man head…

    • Koffie

      February 3, 2016 at 2:54 pm

      Thank you larz, you articulated my sentiments better than I did. Love does not equate splurging on your spouse because runz girls/side chicks get splurged on from time immemorial. We all have different love languages.
      Author has mentally calculated how much from his salary she’s entitled to and it’s apparently deductible before his own needs or obligations. O ma se oo

  41. sexyspin

    February 3, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    well i do not agree with you. He should be able to spend for his girl, i personally have been with guys that are stingy i stayed in the relationship cos of the love i had for him, when another girl came in he lavishes money on her, bought her things and so on. he even lied to me that the lady is his cousin. my point is as long as a guy is in a relationship with a lady and there is sex involved, he should be able to buy few things sometimes. cheers

    • Broke ass girls

      February 3, 2016 at 1:37 pm

      As long as sex is involved, he should be able to buy few things sometimes?

      This is the other angle to you silly girls eish. As long as sex is involved….meaning she is giving him sex and he should pay for it…trash trash trash

      Why dont i go carry a prostitute and pay then? Is she a prostitute giving him sex in exchange for money and things?

      Listen, sex is a mutual act between two adults and enjoyed by both. If you dont want to have sex, simply say no. Stop the silly “i gave him sex” e put gun for your head? You did him and he did you, simple.

      If it is “As long as sex is involved, he should be able to buy few things sometimes”, i would rather go carry a prostitute and pay her and know this is what am doing.

      Many prostitute in gfs clothing all over the place

    • sexyspin

      February 3, 2016 at 2:49 pm

      “broke ass girls” am only saying what i feel is right. for your info am an independent lady. i saw myself through school with my hard earned money not by sleeping around. am a female dj and i blog too i read computer science in school and am very hardworking. mind the way u categorize people. we all here saying what we feel and think, no one is a perfect being. have a great Wednesday. cheers

    • Fusion OAU

      February 3, 2016 at 3:09 pm

      Looooool………… boss you dey vex oooo!!!!! @sexyspin, mehn I think I understand what you are trying to say but the way you said it thou….. makes it sound like guys have to pay for some kind of service rendered (that is prostitution straight up)……… which shouldn’t be the case…

  42. Mz Titilitious

    February 3, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    The fact is that the guy is STINGY!!! My boo isnt workin but he buys me gifts frm pocket money and gv me what he have sometimes, with the fact that i’m working! so if your guy isnt giving when he is workin what shuld we call that? maybe he feels because u are working he shuldnt gv and he buys gifts for his sis? mehn its bad!

  43. chinko

    February 3, 2016 at 2:11 pm

  44. Sophie

    February 3, 2016 at 2:32 pm

    Sisteh, all i can say is pack your shoes and vamoose (run).

  45. Lizzy

    February 3, 2016 at 3:38 pm

    “my point is as long as a guy is in a relationship with a lady and there is sex involved, he should be able to buy few things sometimes.” — This sounds like runs girls or prostitution to me.

  46. Iyun

    February 3, 2016 at 4:21 pm

    @Fee dump his ass, that was how my sister’s friend was doing miss independent with her husband when they were dating, now that they are married, the guy does nothing at home when he’s not used to it. The babe now complains bitter but omo the guy no gree change na how she entered one chance be that.

    • fe

      February 3, 2016 at 7:26 pm

      exactly, that is what @brokeassgirls is saying, this feminist bullshit is destroying alot of girls, mentally. Especially, the ones forming it here and giving advise on BN. I can bet they are the most insecure ,weak individuals you can ever encounter. As a woman, you should know what you truly and honestly want, if you want to be a flaming feminist or a strong independent woman( whatever the hell that means bcos I have never heard the term strong independent man) then stick to it till the very end but one thing is guaranteed, men will turn ur strong or weak woman bullshit and use it to their advantage in ways you wont know until it is late. The only thing you need in this world is WISDOM. Every day you wake up beg God for it

  47. Sassymsethni

    February 3, 2016 at 5:22 pm

    Girl listen!! My advice is simple. Break up with him, move on and make ur own money. I have major grievances with a well-off partner who doesn’t even bother to share. He doesn’t love you or he’s has really whack principles on sharing. U’ve invested ur time, money and emotions in this relationship and I’m here to tell u to stop eeet now!!! I know money/gifts doesn’t equal love, but it’s never hurt anyone i know of. So quit and make ur own money #teampampermeorileave

  48. cospepe

    February 3, 2016 at 5:55 pm

    my dear is not bad that you once assited him when he had noting ,if he can not take care of you now that he is working i dont think he can we he marries you. one thing i want you to know is that if a man can buy 12,000 worth of cream for his sisters two things are involved is either he puts his family first before you or he is keeping another woman that he loves. Since you are a copper, stop asking him for assistance manage your self and pray for a good job, may be beacuse you are not working like him thats why he is treating you like that. alaways act like a big girl and forget about him because more good men will still come your way, men that will pamper you , he is just a stepping stone for you. Also stop the relationship beacuse he will certianly brake your heart.

  49. NINI

    February 3, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    I have a boyfriend like that too, whenever I mention that I’m broke he will just go blank or change the topic if its on chat that’s the end of the conversation. So I wise up and wait for him at the cross road lol u understand, then one day I asked him what would he do with an item without any value occupying so much space in his room? Of course he said he will throw it out, then I told him how much value did he placed on me, he said so much, and I told him but excluding your money right, he went dumb and I told him that I’m not money conscious at the same time I’m not cheap, whatever you find difficult to spend on you don’t value.

  50. zibaintl

    February 3, 2016 at 6:56 pm d situation malee…de o…pupsy de alwaz yan of children fees…dat situation wey woman dey no.easy..
    from cream to clothes na her run o

  51. Rhonyi

    February 3, 2016 at 8:57 pm

    Hello Fee, we are all different people with different opinions of what’ ‘right’ should be. You are the one in the relationship, my motto is walk away when you aren’t happy/when your partner is unwilling to change (in a reasonable context) for your happiness. A guy will NOT spend on little things for you if he doesn’t love you enough. Its all about love, he loves his sisters, he isn’t thrilled in his love for you. A man that loves you even when you are an independent woman will keep doing things for you regardless of his orientation (in case he grew up hearing spending on gf is wrong), you will be the one saying no thanks. I hope you aren’t very carried away with material things tho.

  52. Nicez

    February 3, 2016 at 11:18 pm

    Tee, please can you provide answers for the following questions. Does your boyfriend spend money on himself or is he more prone to saving? Does he spend money on others? Does he help you and others out? Is he selfless with his time? Has he been in a relationship before you guys started dating? He might be a saver, one who does spend money on themselves or their partner but will gladly spend on other. He might be selfish too bit before you conclude make sure you know his personality, what he is used to and how he operates. People that are savers don’t see anything wrong in not spending on themselves or their partners however they can spend on others easily. They just have to be reminded of how their actions are wrong, it’s not easy but it is possible. For me I made the decision to change after reading the five love language by Gray Chapman. That savers should know that spending on their partner is worth more than buying shares in a blue chip company as the returns you get from a happy and loving partner is worth more than the money saved. I wish you all the best.

  53. El

    February 4, 2016 at 12:56 am

    You always have the best comments Dr N. straight to the point and impactful. Gbam!!

  54. Ibi

    February 4, 2016 at 6:27 am

    If u know u want a guy to provide for you just take us back to the 19th century ehn.why do I get the feeling that u don’t actually ask him for money u just assumes he knows u want shii maybe it’s way I was brought sha n I saw my mom pay for everything while my dad said his national anthem ” I dont have money ” so I dont rely on a man for anything in boyfriends money is not your own .If he doesn’t give u gifts on your birthday den u can say he’s stingy. Remember the devil u know all this people telling u to run wtf are you running I guess u just pluck boys that have a lot of money to spend from trees abi and why will you even complain that he gives his sister money people like u are the type to destroy a man’s relationship with his sisters wen u get married. Ogbeni u better know now family before *bleep*

    • Smith

      February 4, 2016 at 2:50 pm

      Actually, I think the man should be the one to run or even drive away

  55. Bibie

    February 4, 2016 at 1:04 pm

    Irrespective of love languages, a guy will always put his money where his heart is.
    If he buys 12,000 body lotion for his sister, then he understands that a lady need to be pampered; You don’t need to teach him or explain to him, or sit him down for any more discussions. YOU ARE NOT THE ONE! You need to leave him. His heart and money is/has been heading somewhere else trust me.

  56. bella-blue

    February 4, 2016 at 5:33 pm

    my dear run for your life oooh,,, run he’s no use how can u tell someone that u love her but you don’t show some care? i sometime wonder what wrong with some of us girls !! here in relationship it give and take yes give and take u cant always give and he will take it , i was in de same situation before, ex was so stingy even small common bag of rice he will never buy but later in de day hes in my house expecting me to give him food but if i do he complain that de food is not enough and theirs no enough meat on de food.. can u imagine marrying to man like this? n u say hes not stingy? i advice myself n i left him one time. if being good is nothing then being bad is also nothing. he wont help u my dear so leave him. there’re so many fishes in de sea u will get de right one. but if u do pls test them first before u go into another relantionship

  57. Erniesss

    February 4, 2016 at 9:53 pm

    dear Fee, we are women and we love to be pampered don’t mind this guys talking about equality. what has equality got to do with pampering your woman and showing her love. Nigerian men be talking of equality but can’t help their wives in the kitchen or even with their babies but when it comes to money and paying bills they leech on equality……shior. My dear forget about dis guy o, their type no go leave money for soup but expect complete meal 3 times daily. Children sch fees dem no dey pay and house rent name 50/50

  58. tito

    February 5, 2016 at 1:15 am

    the bills he has to pay won’t run away when you get married so be smart…. I once dated someone like that and i just had the last straw when something health related happened. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

  59. Favour

    February 5, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    Off topic!!
    Dear aunty Bella,please how do I send mail to you. Email address please. Thanks


      February 5, 2016 at 3:16 pm

      You can send an email to features(at)

  60. sabelle concepts

    February 5, 2016 at 10:23 pm

    He is stingy biko! I have an uncle that always complains about not having money every time. Yet he will buy a car or something new right after complaining.

  61. Didi

    February 6, 2016 at 4:05 am

    My ex boyfriend from university was like this. Infact, it felt as if I was reading my own story. I loved him with all my heart and and always tried to share my ‘lean change’ from my dad with him, but he was truly stingy. Always ‘forgot his wallet’ anytime we had to go out, and whenever he got fresh cash, he suddenly had ‘tests and assignments’ to prepare for and was unavailable until he was broke again.
    Despite all this, I was still interested in marrying him, until he got a job with NNPC, found himself a couple of hot chicks and started treating me like shit..
    I was now the ‘hanger on, desperado chick’. Life was truly miserable. He was looking fresh and handsome and I was looking tired and stressed, and I was still broke bcos even with his oil money, he still did not help me out and I became bitter.

    Fast forward 3years. We had broken up, I now had a good job, bought my own car and was in a great relationship. He came back trying to beg. I was suddenly his ‘true love’, bcos I was there when he had nothing. All the other girls were hoes… Blah blah.
    He was even richer now, and wanted to marry me. Of course my mother and sisters were thrilled, but I looked into my heart and went back in time to when we were together, how Hollow and sad I always felt. How he abandoned me when I needed him most (I was in final year and my dad died, when I suddenly became the desperado chick to him).
    I faced the truth and decided not to tie my life to someone like that. He never loved me and never would. I was just convenient for him. So I said a big No and moved on with my new relationship.

    Everyone thought I was a fool, but 10 years later, I’m grateful to God from the depths of my soul for the wonderful, fantastic, kind, lovely man that I married. My life has been blessed and we’re soooo happy together. He showers me and our children endlessly. He’s not rich, but he tries his best for me. All I have to do is ask and he would do everything to give it to. Me. I try not to ask so he’s not under pressure, Everyone loves him and keeps telling me how ‘lucky’ I am.

  62. Emma

    August 10, 2016 at 4:18 pm

    The grammar in this is horrible… But literally my bf will voice that he has no money to spend on food, or just more important things like a $200.00 down payment to hold a house for us to live in but turn around the same day he says he can’t afford anything and buy himself clothes. When I bring it up to him that it’s not about the money it’s the fact that you voiced yourself, looked me eye and spent money on not important things.. He totally throws out “i never pay him back when we go out,or “you spent your money on just yourself so why are you upset”. I will repeat that’s it’s not about the money and still thinks that’s not hurtful… Straight up I can’t handle that shit, if he was like “hey I don’t have money for the deposit yet I will get it by such in such, and I need to get a shirt for work” I would be like cool.. But the fact that he’s making feel guilty for justifying his selfish priorities and lying. It really hurts my feelings when he’s like I never said I don’t have money because he got caught up in a lie he doesn’t think
    Is a lie. I love him but Jesus breaking my trust with lack or generosity killlls me!!

  63. Kenneth

    December 12, 2017 at 5:58 am

    This is not about being stingy, there is nothing like a stingy man, is either his broke or you don’t worth his spending

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