It’s a question quite a number of people think about: ‘What frequency of sex makes me eligible to join the ‘Happily Marrieds’ club?’
My answer. There is no “set in stone” required frequency that makes you eligible to join the club….if there really is a club. However, there is a healthy frequency that keeps both of you happy and smiling. It is up to you to determine what that happy number is and try as much as possible to deliver.
Speaking about delivering on sexual expectations, you may find that at some point in marriage, your sex life tends to experience a decline that often times may go unnoticed by one or both partners.
Your time is either taken up by work, the kids, taking care of the home and so on that at the end of the day, you are too tired for sex and more amazingly, you are okay with it!!!
Sex takes a back seat and the decline starts so innocuously that you don’t really notice what is happening until it begins to have a negative effect on your marriage. It gradually slows down from 5 times to 3 times a week, to twice to once a week until it becomes a twice monthly or a ‘once in a month’ exercise. You become so consumed with everything that surrounds you that your need for sex and intimacy becomes neglected.
The question then becomes, how do you keep things going on the sexual front even when you don’t really miss the absence of sex? How do you remind yourself to give that intimate connection a front row seat again when it is so tempting to just fall asleep at the end of each day’s activities.
My answer? Keep a log of sexual activities.
This may sound boring and tedious but trust me, it isn’t. I am a Marriage and Sex Coach, and one of the things that I don’t joke with is Sex and Intimacy in my marriage. I like the quantity just as much as I like the quality.
If you asked me how frequently I have sex, without thinking too much I would quote a pretty high number. However, a while back, I began making use of an app on my phone to track the number of times I was having sex per week and per month and to my utmost surprise, I found that my estimation was pretty much higher than the reality. Needless to say, I was shocked when I discovered this.
‘So all this time, was I just having sex in my mind and feeling really cool?’
Discovery is important but action after discovery is even more important. I used that information I had received to take things up several notches and I made sure to log in every sexual activity and in just 2 weeks, the improvement was pretty significant. Every time, I looked at my log and I noticed a slack, it served as a reminder to up my game.
You could make it a little more exciting by logging with a money jar alongside your app or log book. Every time you have sex, you could put in a certain amount of money in a jar and use the accumulated amount at the end of the month to treat yourselves to a nice time.
You could also rev things up a bit by adding something spicy to your sex life every week or two and logging that as well.
Whatever rocks your boat. Your aim should be to keep up an active, healthy sex life and have fun while you are at it.
So here’s to a very exciting sex life ahead of you. CHEERS!!!
Photo Credit: Dreamstime