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Oluwabunmi Oke: The Working Woman & the 21st Century Nigerian Man’s Expectations of Her



The Working WomanOne day during one of our psychiatry lectures while still in medical school, the topic of gender roles was discussed; I turned to a male friend and classmate and I jokingly said, ‘imagine both of us were married, both resident doctors in training and say you finished work early before me at around 4 and I don’t get home till like 9, you won’t mind eating Indomie abi?
I never expected the speech he gave me afterwards.
‘Of course I would mind. We are both doctors, yes; but that does not mean I will start eating Indomie and garri because you work late’ I was like ‘huh?’
He later went to explain that he had no problems with my dreams and aspiration; but because I chose a seemly time consuming field did not mean I would not cook for him, wash his clothes, iron them, take care of the children and perform my wifely duties whenever needed.

The way my mouth opened that afternoon cannot be explained. I was talking to a 21th century man, a man well read , exposed, who had about 4 elder sisters. He was someone I thought understood the plight of women and the need for the empowerment of the girl child. I turned to another male colleague who had heard our entire conversation and he also nodded in agreement. I sat there thinking, ‘you both have to be kidding me.’
He went on to say women were created to be help mates; citing the Bible, historical references which all pointed to the woman’s job as taking care of the husband, home and children. He said look ‘Bunmi you were designed to do just that. Like I said I have no problem with a woman wanting to rise to the top of her career, just don’t slack in your primary assignment and expect me to help or curb your ways. You have decided to be a boss, no problem. Now you must do both exceptionally well’ That was the first time it hit me… I had never really given it so much thought on how being a career woman would be. I was taking on the role of the man and the woman.

I am a trained doctor. My colleagues and I do the same thing at the work place. We both get to work as early as 7 if we are not on call and had been awake all night attending to patients, and don’t leave the hospital till past 5.
So male doctor goes home, kicks off his shoes changes to a shorts and singlet, grabs the remote and starts watching highlights of the football matches he probably missed while on call and then later reads as he has residency exam coming up soon.

Female doctor leaves the hospital, first stops at the market buys food stuff, rushes home to cook all of it. The nanny just dropped off the children, she sends them off to play with the neighbour downstairs so she can concentrate on the food. She whips up something for dinner, and one part of her brain is thinking of what the children will eat for breakfast and also what she will put in their lunch boxes. She baths them, put them to sleep, brings out their uniform for tomorrow and then she remembers tomorrow is cultural day, now she has to look for something traditional for them to wear, iron them, clear out their bags, looking through their homework and making sure it all properly done.

Then back to kitchen, to clear it all, try to figure out what the hubby will take as lunch to work and also eat for breakfast, then back to the closet to pick out her dress and his cloth for work tomorrow. As she tries to settle in bed to read because she also has exams coming up, hubby touches her down there and says, “Babe, oya.”
This is the simplest algorithm I have tried to explain above, and this scares me as I write it. To all working mums, wives who are excelling in your chosen fields, I have one burning question to ask, how do you do it? I am single and it is freaking hard. I can’t even imagine doing this with two children and a man.

To every working mother out there you are the real MVPs. Just take a second to really appreciate yourself because you are doing a man’s job plus a woman job and you are doing amazingly well.

So lesson learnt, you chose this. You chose to add a plus to your life. It’s not going to be easy but you are going to have to this because you are woman and you are beyond capable of much more because you were created to be able to do more.

Photo Credit: | Nsoedo Frank


  1. Tolo

    March 28, 2016 at 12:57 pm

    The men that think this way should go and bring nkemji from the interiors of the village to marry. Nigerian men are so entitled it’s crrrrrrrrrrrazy! Marriage is a partnership! Partnership, partnership! Yes women are more inclined to be a tad more domesticated, but in a partnership, if one bathes the kids the other dries and dresses them. Geez! Abeg this marriageness is not that serious, I can not go and mill myself away! Na really babe oya, oya better go and get blow u momsy to stick your self into Biko

    • Stella Gomero

      March 28, 2016 at 2:08 pm

      Thanks dear you obviously read my mind on this issue ?

    • Kaeto

      March 28, 2016 at 4:41 pm

      Honestly there’s no joy in a man telling you how to live your life to benefit him to your own detriment. Stop! ” for you to have a successful marriage, women submit to your man- yes” but he must submit to me too. I don’t care whoever uses the bible that’s man made to make a stupid point, Plus the bible also says men protect your wives, so how is he protecting me if he tries to reduce me to his own expectation- No. Yes both parent need to raise the kids together and alternate. I can cook today, the next day he cooks, drops them off. Team work not slave answer to master. The same bible says a husband and wife are one, why do we seem to live that part?

    • Tunmi

      March 29, 2016 at 1:10 am

      But let’s have small mercy on Nkemji too. I’m sure she herself will have her own aspirations that don’t center around some man

    • Roli

      March 29, 2016 at 11:05 am

      Nigerian men are mostly entitled when they are married to Nigerian women. Once they marry a white wiman, watch them wash those clithes, change those diapers and cook up that meal. Their mothers won’t say shut either because wifey is oyibo afterall. She is not a African woman so she is forgiven. SMH…

    • Natu

      March 29, 2016 at 12:14 pm

      @Roli you are so right. You have to define you own worth or else others will determine your worth. I can’t completely blame black men for their bad behaviour because black women are so desperate. We are always ready to slave away in order to keep their men. White women ain’t about that life and neither am I.

    • Chu

      March 29, 2016 at 1:49 pm

      loooool, I just remembered Nkemji,
      I think we learn to compromise. My hubby holds it down when I’m not around, cos he is self employed and his time is more flexible. He actually spent a whole month at home with my baby when my mum left after omugo and she had not started creche. When I am tired he can cook, especially if it is beans. But if I am home, he relaxes, I am still the one that will wake up and take care of baby, cook, prepare for work, while he is still asleep or awake and pressing phone. I just take it in stride cos I know if I’m late for work he will step in and assist.
      Men are different, some are liberal and do not mind sharing chores, some step in occasionally while some are ‘Lion of the tribe of Judah’ in their homes. Find out who yours is, compromise and make it work. Even the ones who seem nice can change after marriage. So don’t come to bn hear some ladies comments and start beefing your husband, just make it work for you in the uniqueness of your home.

  2. lol

    March 28, 2016 at 1:03 pm

    “But you are going to have to do this because you are a woman”
    Nigerian women you really don’t know how to ask for more from this life. And even after all this suffering and cleaning you guys do, many of your husbands still cheat on and disrespect you guys so WHY? Do you know that this is NOT what God intended by submission.

    Our counterparts from other parts of the world didn’t accept that suffering when they got the right to work and vote, they stood their ground, and that’s why today they don’t have to make money AND do all the jobs of a housewife.
    I’m a Nigerian woman like you and I did not accept that rubbish. Now I’m married to an Igbo man who also does as much housework and cooking. It’s not because I’m the finest or hottest woman out there. It’s because I know I deserve better and I demanded for it from day 1. He still married me, feminists still find love everyday so why are you people so afraid to ask for more?
    Ladies please do better for yourselves, this is 2016.

  3. ElessarisElendil

    March 28, 2016 at 1:09 pm

    Ehh, my Mother went to work, to the market, picked up from school, did the dishes, dressed me, fed me, tutored me, paid school fees e.t.c When I was a child, as I grew up, I had the common sense and empathy to begin to split some of the duties with her.

    If you marry somebody who believes you should continue to Mother him as an adult and you accept, that’s your prerogative, but we really need to dispel this fiction that Nigerian men don’t help around the house. Stereotypes favour nobody.

    But like OP said, y’all are the real MVPs. Take a bow and all that.

  4. Tunmi

    March 28, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    I really hope that last paragraph is sarcasm. Every person, let’s extend it to every organism, is capable of doing more. Having a XX chromosome and identifying as a woman does not automatically lock us in that category. And it doesn’t restrict men from that category too.

    Here “you were designed to do just that… just don’t slack in your primary assignment and expect me to help or curb your ways.” then what is the point of having a partner if he or she cannot be of help. Did the guy really think this through?

    “I had never really given it so much thought on how being a career woman would be. I was taking on the role of the man and the woman.” no, you aren’t taking on the role of the man and the woman. And this is another reason to do away with preset roles anyway. There are roles to be performed in a relationship but that should not be based on gender but on capability.

    So how do we change the mindset? I propose media, especially our Naija films from the top quality to the mediocre. Let’s be fair and honest in how we present men and women because it hurts both. We have dad’s who stay at home too, let’s show them. Ashewo work is not limited to women. There are husbands who actively support their wives. And if we can’t find these examples, then challenge the inequality, the imbalance.

  5. that uptown girl

    March 28, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    It’s not a small thing o. Nigerian man and their sense of entitlement. Me sha I don’t do my husbands laundry except we agree at a price usually five orgasms or more. ( when someone hears us arguing 4,5, 6 they have no idea that we are bargaining orgasms) I don’t take in his plate after meal then he started bribing me with a piece of meat which he strategically leaves on the plate. One day I asked him, what if I was working late and couldn’t be home until say 9 pm won’t you make sure I would have something to eat when I got home. His response – I don’t know, I’ll wait for you to come na then I will give you moral support. I just shook my head. Why will a man not help out in the house when a woman is helping him in bread winning? If na by like that o make kuku sidon for house dey do house wife na. You can’t have your cake and eat it! Especially with me.

  6. Netizen

    March 28, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    If we learn as humans to put ourselves in other’s shoes, we’ll be more tolerant and fair in our dealings.

  7. dammy

    March 28, 2016 at 1:38 pm

    Like criusly…it isn’t easy @ll to those women there I give kudos and to us still hanging may God make it simpler than it looks

  8. Chi

    March 28, 2016 at 1:50 pm

    Nice piece, buh I think the role of the woman was exaggerated a bit. Also wondering why the wife would think of cooking different foods for her husband and children nd why she’ll have to be the one to choose nd iron his clothes, what’s wrong with his hands.
    For those men quoting the bible, I can’t remember seeing in d bible that men should not help their wives.

    • Onye

      March 28, 2016 at 3:00 pm

      @chi unfortunately dear, if anything, this is a gross understatement. We didn’t factor in that the woman also has to make time go help the kids with homework, go to bed and have sex with the man, take care of his mother and annoying family members, and still find time to look good and do her hair and nails and makeup

    • Vivadrew

      March 29, 2016 at 11:54 am

      These you mentioned leaves me in stitches. Yes I’m a mom and working. Days I cant bring myself to do dinner after a hard day at work, tucking the toddler to bed etc, I simply DO NOT DO It and yes he comes back from work and help there. Made it all cleared out when preggie, every household chores will be shared and taking care of the kids shared responsibilities too. I’m not going to look so old and worn out cos of family while hubby’s looking young…Abasi akan !

  9. keke driver

    March 28, 2016 at 1:57 pm

    Thumbs up yall, my mum especially…I wonder how She managed 6 stubborn kids without a help? Hmmm God Bless P.A.Osuji (MRS)

    • Bolu

      March 29, 2016 at 3:55 am

      Keke na pep driver? If so chop knuckle. Thats one adventurous ride ?

  10. thatafricanchic

    March 28, 2016 at 2:08 pm

    I think this is very peculiar to African men. Has to do with the way they were brought up. I mean they saw Mummy doing the same and expect the same from future wife.
    A newly married friend told me of how she came back from work at 9 pm to cook for hubby who was just sitting down hungry. She asked him why he hadn’t just boiled rice (in a rice cooker) since they had stew in the fridge. He said he wanted freshly boiled yam and fresh stew. So my friend even though tired, had to cook for him. Mind you he doesn’t even work (still in school).
    I am currently dating an amazing guy and I’m so glad he knows how to cook. Even better than me. He cooks for me 3 out of 5 days because there are some meals he is just better at cooking and he wouldn’t want me to cook. The days I cook he tries to wash the dishes. Getting married to a guy like this will ensure that I am not overburdened with responsibilities.
    I think we can start creating change by changing the w we bring up boys and girls.


      March 29, 2016 at 1:14 pm

      I hope hes not doing that cos u are daating..hahahahah men can be very funny….write back to us when u both are married. If he doesnt change then good for u.

    • Yori

      March 31, 2016 at 8:42 pm

      You are so right! 99% of the men described have been reared by women! We made the monsters!!

  11. Blessed wife

    March 28, 2016 at 2:29 pm

    I am a working mother of 2 but my hubby is the best. I have been married for 6 years I can’t remember the last time I serve or pack his plate after meal. I cook and he serve himself. My hubby can do everything( laundry, showering the kids, cooking, cleaning) except doing dishes but he will pack it in the dishwasher for me when I am not in. My hubby use to work offshore but when we keep having issues with babysitter he quit his job and fortunately for him he got a job at GE though the pay is not as great as his final company but he likes it and he is home to help with the kids. I worked night shift he work day so he takes care of the kids at night get them ready for school and drop them for me. We share all chores, when I am mopping the floor he is cleaning the appliances. He can cook but I always make sure I have different kind of soup in the fridge. Infact, my kids prefer his oatmeal to mine.Growing up, I saw my mummy slave for my step dad that help me make up my mind on the type of man I want. My brother in law is with us right now. He was so surprise to see his brother doing chores so he no get option he started helping too.

    • Colour Purple

      March 28, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      Same here, my husband is very hands on and involved in doing chores and taking care of our son which only increases my love and respect for him with each passing day. I saw my dad cook, clean and take good care of his children despite working full time so when it was time to get married I made sure to choose a man who loved me enough to do the same. Now I’m teaching my son to do the same so his wife would enjoy like me 🙂

    • Ada Nnewi

      March 29, 2016 at 1:04 pm


  12. Lucinda

    March 28, 2016 at 2:31 pm

    Communication + understanding.

    Get a big freezer and correct generator. Washing machine/tumble dryer. Plan your ironing, laundry and meals weekly, instead of daily. Organise, plan and prioritise. Another option is paying someone to clean on weekends. You can afford it, you’re both doctors.

    • penny

      March 28, 2016 at 8:11 pm

      Exactly, that’s what I did, some week days that I am too tired, I order soups and stews from my caterer to freeze. Don

    • Flipping heck!

      March 29, 2016 at 10:57 am

      Yeah of course. Because we are all in the same income bracket and can therefore afford these electrical luxuries of which you speak.

      No wonder they say BN commenters are posey. Y’all forget the real world out there where people are struggling to buy basic necessities. Pfft!

    • Lucinda

      March 30, 2016 at 11:10 am

      @flipping heck, read my last sentence.

    • Snow White

      March 28, 2016 at 8:48 pm

      It was a hypothetical scenario….but yeah you have a point there

    • Chu

      March 29, 2016 at 1:55 pm

      What if you can’t these things?

  13. Paul Babalola

    March 28, 2016 at 2:37 pm

    Women and castigating Nigerian men. Be realistic with your write up. For a couple who are both working, earning over 300k per month aggregate, they should be able to afford an average size washing machine. Ironing has always been the job of men/boys. Laundry is out of it, most men don’t really like cooking, working mums can politely tell their husband to boil rice or make eba, no rocket science in those things. Stop demonizing Nigerian men as if they are worthless. Why does Bella Naija validates all these stupid write ups. A lot of men I know help their wives to do chores. We should not be encouraging write ups that will form a bad image of Nigeria men in the mind of young girls. Castigate also mothers who refuse to teach their sons how to help in the house.

    • Onye

      March 28, 2016 at 2:51 pm

      @Paul Your write up actually affirms what all the women here have been saying
      “Most men don’t really like cooking” just look at :/
      “Politely tell him to boil rice or make eba” okay Sir :/

      So we’re the ones that came to this world to “really like cooking” and make the soup and stew. So the man can do as much housework as makes him comfortable, and the woman just has to make do with whatever else he doesn’t want to do. You sound as entitled as the other men, just in a calmer way.

    • im a woman too

      March 28, 2016 at 10:22 pm

      *sighh*. I agree. It’s not rocket science. If you behave like you don’t need his help, you’re definitely not getting any. Plus some women can be quite rude when demanding the man does house chores, or even worse – They’ve married a man who can’t do jack.

  14. miini

    March 28, 2016 at 2:44 pm

    I have said it b4 that’s I do not fancy myself a feminist, but no man can try ds nonsense with me. If u like sit down there and be feeling entitled, ud soon realize that malnutrition happens to adults too. I do love to cook btw, but that u sit down knowing I’m on call and prepping for exams and u won’t eat till I come home and cook, God be with u darling.
    I made it a point of duty to tell the men I’m getting close to that I wanna be a surgeon, I won’t have time to be so domesticated. If u as much as have a problem with that, pls move on, u ain’t the one.

    If some of us can’t learn from our mothers and demand a better life simply by knowing that we do deserve better and choosing not to settle for less, then I don’t know what we have learnt from the older generation of women.

    That’s was how I was telling bae he’d be doing d ironing coz I absolutely hate doing it, he was saying if I will be giving him incentive, I just asked if he will be giving me incentive to cook too, hian.

    Me iv sha made up my mind to raise my son well–primary prevention things for the next generation. Hopefully we will break out of this stereotype soon, it’s so apalling.

    • Ifeyinwa Mic

      March 28, 2016 at 7:46 pm

      LOL @ “malnutrition happens to adults too.”

    • Md

      March 29, 2016 at 10:13 am

      Malnutrition happens to adult…nonsense, your husband to be ( I doubt anyway with u r attutude) will never go hungry..he will just silently just find a better alternative outside the house

    • Flipping heck!

      March 29, 2016 at 10:59 am

      And so will she. Shikena!

    • Md

      March 29, 2016 at 2:12 pm

      Yep, but , she will be the one to suffer not the man…that is what you women do not really really get/understand in this world we are living

    • Sisi

      March 29, 2016 at 4:52 pm

      Oshi o ma da o. Kmt, better keep it moving asap. A whole fully grown adult cannot enter kitchen and prepare for food. Be waiting o. People just like to take this thing too far, believe you me if you marry a sensible and reasonable person and you have a decent standard of living you can make life easy for yourself if you want to. Whoever is available and capable should do what needs to be done, one should never be running away from learning and please avoid unnecessary drama. There are way more urgent and worthy things for married couples with children to be worrying themselves about. Be considerate, apologise if you need to and leave ego to one side. It all comes down to what you have seen in your home I believe, hence parents be good examples for reason and managing expectations in your homes. Afterall it’s your home, it should be a reflection of what you want it to be, balanced contribution from all parties including children.

  15. Onye

    March 28, 2016 at 2:56 pm

    “Laundry is out of it, most men don’t really like cooking, working mums can politely tell their husband to boil rice or make eba, no rocket science in those things.”

    I pity your wife, Mr Husband-King

    As for BN giving nigerian men a bad image, it’s not Bellanaija women doing it because Nigerian men can mess up their own image all on their own, don’t worry about that. Of course every young girl has a bad opinion when she watches her dad cheat, her “uncle” abuse her, her boyfriend cheat, old married men asking her out etc. Don’t worry about that dear, you guys have that on lockdown ?

    • Paul Babalola

      March 28, 2016 at 3:23 pm

      Go and marry white man that will be doing ROTA with you on when to wash plates. This is Africa, no man will be doing 50/50 chores with you in the house unless you are the one feeding the worthless man. No man in Nigeria contributing 80% of the home finances will even contemplate helping you unless you politely tell him. Am not surprised since 95% of BN readers are in diaspora that’s why some of you women run your mouth like tap water. In Nigeria, I can help my wife because I love her so much, it’s not my responsibility to prepare meal for the family, the western culture can do it, it’s a taboo in Africa. All these frustrated witches called feminist, the same hypocrites, if they see their brother in kitchen and his wife is watching African magic, they will start war. They can never apply their standards to their own personal life but will be spewing rubbish on blogs to deceive gullible women.

    • Amii

      March 28, 2016 at 3:38 pm

      I’m married to an Igbo Nigerian man and we rotate the cooking and cleaning or whoever gets home first cooks and the other cleans. Both when we lived in Nigeria and abroad. Just admit that you’re a chauvinist and accept the opinions that women have on men like you. This your comment just affirms that you, Sir, are a chauvinist

    • Cookie

      March 28, 2016 at 4:26 pm

      Please can you kindly explain how it is a taboo for a man to prepare a meal for his family? I’ll really love to know.

    • Bukky

      March 28, 2016 at 4:40 pm

      @Paul, So, a man that shares chores with his wife is worth? Simpleminded at its peak!

      People like you just take advantage of the gender caste system our society has created. It furthers your agenda and it allows you be the lazy and insensitive man that you already are. Your thinking is so myopic, it’s ridiculous!

      How does it make sense in your small mind, that a couple who have both gone to a 9-5 hustle, leave the house chores to just one person? Let’s throw gender out of the equation, how on earth is it a fair practice that one person in a two adult home is responsible for almost 100% of the domestic chores? Why would you want the mother of your children to be stressed out day and night catering to everyone else in the house, when there is another capable adult in the home? Why will a grown up, able-bodied man be so unwillingly to cater to his kids and pick up after himself? Do you think that by some chance, that there is something in the female physiology that excludes them exhaustion? Do you think a woman wants to come back from work and have to cook a meal everyday of her life? Does your wife not deserve to come back home, kick of her shoes and de-stress? Will the house chores not get done faster if two adults tackle it together?

      This is not about feminism or any other label. This is just pure commonsense that is based on the basic principle of “treating people the way you want to be treated”.

    • bukky

      March 28, 2016 at 4:45 pm


    • Tolo

      March 28, 2016 at 5:51 pm

      Don’t be a west! Why will one be in the kitchen and one watching Africa Magic. It’s 50/50 you muffin head! How is it a taboo? Anyway it’s your wife I pity and the sons and daughters you raise with such a ridiculous mentality!

    • Corolla

      March 28, 2016 at 6:45 pm

      Father lord, I just pray and ask that you shield me, my female family members, and friends from worthless men like Paul Babalola. I pray that you give us men that respect you, respect women, respect their children, and most importantly have the love you commanded men to have for their wives in Ephesians 5:25. Thank you Jesus. Amen                    

    • Weezy

      March 28, 2016 at 7:12 pm

      You said:
      No man in Nigeria contributing 80% of the home finances will even contemplate helping you unless you politely tell him.

      You realize Nigerian women under 40 nowadays are just as educated as Nigerian men, thus their earning potential is similar? So it is more likely that the man is contributing 60% and the woman 40%, or even 50/50.

      In such a case, do you propose that the chores be split 50/50? Methinks men like you are just afraid to be held responsible for taking care of a home. You’re physically and morally lazy, and expect women to put up with it the way your mother, aunties, elder sisters did. Sorry, but no.

    • Kike

      March 28, 2016 at 8:29 pm

      I read this comment completely agape. In my house, my husband does most of the housework and I do most of the childcare. It is how we have agreed to split tasks. I do bulk cooking once a month but he prepares the meals on a day to day basis. We contribute to the household income 50/50. We are both Nigerian and we live in Nigeria with no domestic staff. All I can say is obviously I am a very lucky girl to have such an amazing husband. Mr O, I raise a glass to you

    • Iyawo Pastor

      March 28, 2016 at 11:24 pm

      TABBOO LOUN LOUN?? Ahh egbon. Fear God!!

      It’s an ego thing. African mentality. Continue. Judgement day will shake all of you entitled men, who mistreat women in the name of ‘it’s her duty, it’s her right’

      May your daughters marry men like you, and be treated like you advocate.

      It’s not a bad prayer oh, since you are the best husband a woman can be blessed with abi? Say amen

    • Fortherightsofmen

      March 29, 2016 at 1:47 am

      Paul, I agree with you. If you say a prayer for all the girls here that “may their brother carry out between 50-80% of their chores in their marriage and may all the sons that all the girls here have or would have undertake 50-80% of all the domestic responsibilities that they (being all the girls here) and their sons grandmother undertook their life time whenever their sons have their homes in Jesus name”, no one will say amen to that prayer. Women, too by nature hypocrites and unappreciative.

    • tsmith

      March 29, 2016 at 12:33 pm

      You couldn’t be more worng.

      Married to a very educated and successful man, and we share the home duties, including bathing the kids etc. Infact, for our 2 kids, he’s always givene then there very first baths.

      I hate it when men use the word ‘help’ with house chores. Its not help, it is his responsibility as much as mine, we both own the home. Definitely, one would have more strengths in some areas more than the other,

      It’s also funny how often weak men like you are quick to resort to threat of an alternative woman. The clock swings both ways darling, women too have a choice of pastures green.

    • me

      March 29, 2016 at 3:08 pm

      Don’t tell you, you can’t cook Paul, God forbid if anything happens to your wife, what will you do, replace her quickly?! Men are great cooks. I watched my dad and brothers cook and we all shared the house chores when it became a necessity. Stop fooling yourself in 2016 with it is a taboo in Africa talk.

      From a woman.

      N.b There are lots of single dads out there, who does their house chores for them?

    • 'lade

      March 30, 2016 at 11:51 am

      Taboo???? Really?? In 2016??? Oga oh

  16. Nne

    March 28, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    I think this career woman thing is being over flogged, once you open any blog, how to joggle work with family, how to reach the peak of my career and stil be a mom, blah blah, ….hollop!! my mom worked till she breathed her last, ( God bless her soul) being a single mom (lost my dad at the age of nine) she went to work, cooked for us paid school fees till we grew up to help her (for how long kwanu since we were rarely at home) considering the fact that we were boarders) I dnt understand this whole iam a career woman I can’t do I can’t do that, taking care of our home is paramount proverbs 31 from verse 10 (msg translation ) even talked about the woman waking up before dawn to prepare breakfast and even rolls up her sleeves to work.
    Enough of the lamentation about having a 9-5 job and you can’t perform your duties as a wife, our mothers did it and by the grace of God we will do it

    • Amii

      March 28, 2016 at 3:44 pm

      So because your mum did it, we should do it? Ask your mother if she’s still alive, if she’d have preferred your dad helped at home.
      Change doesn’t kill.

    • kadara

      March 28, 2016 at 7:45 pm

      And our mothers ended up looking older than their ages and their reward was the husbands cheating on them with women who those same men will gladly do chores with while spending plenty money on her. In life you get what you demand for. Women while dating check out his opinion on such topics and I how he treats his sisters. If h sits on his butt while his sisters work then you know he’ll do the same to you. The problem is most Nigerian women are so desperate to marry they will take any rubbish during courtship and you now think he’ll change after marriage. For where? Don’t start what you don’t intend to continue

    • Mr. Egghead

      March 29, 2016 at 8:36 am

      Nne, don’t mind the “career-women spouting spiel on this topic”

  17. Collins

    March 28, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    Wao!, Ladies, are really struggling to be the head of the family, New generation career women want to lead. i was talking to someone from oversea that if woman in 9ja or africa should give a chance as they have oversea, all Men are in trouble (as they technical turn them to dummy or render them homeless as those african women in oversea does to their men). Anyway, I see a future where women control the world. Because Bible has predict. Stay Bless

    • Amii

      March 28, 2016 at 3:48 pm

      What do washing plates and cooking have to do with being the head of the family?
      So if a woman cooks for her child, does that mean the woman is the head of the family?
      The Bible states that God made Adam a “companion” not a nanny or a freakin’ slave
      The New Testament also states that we are equal before God’s eyes.

      If you’re living by cultural norms, then stand by it. Do not use Christianity to back up your behaviour.

    • Reverend

      March 28, 2016 at 5:33 pm

      Women controlling the world would mean apocalypse and the end of our species.

  18. Bugu

    March 28, 2016 at 3:08 pm

    But then it seems the average Nigerian wife believes that her salary belongs to her while her husband’s salary belongs to the two of them.

    • Amii

      March 28, 2016 at 3:40 pm

      What does money have to do with this ??? The average Nigerian wife is actually financially independent! From the bread and Akara sellers to the bank managers ! YET they are still expected to do the role of a housewife who doesn’t have a 9-5
      Common guys, culture is dynamic. If you want your wife to cook and clean, let her stay home.
      If she has a job, like YOU, the both of YOU should do the housework. You won’t die, you’ll still be an African man. Common this is 2016 Biko

    • Bugu

      March 29, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      My point is, if the working wife splits the utility bills, children school fees, rent, etc with the husband, then it is OK if she expects the husband to split the chores. But I wanna believe that the average Nigerian wife believes that she is not expected to spend her money on bills.

  19. BA

    March 28, 2016 at 3:22 pm

    This question is flawed IMO
    ‘imagine both of us were married, both resident doctors in training and say you finished work early before me at around 4 and I don’t get home till like 9, you won’t mind eating Indomie abi?’

    It should be that once one party gets home before the other, the man in this case, he cooks.

    Like 4pm and he sits around till 9pm when the woman gets back so she can cook indomie for them both?
    I can not with this sort of reasoning in the first place.

  20. Oluchi

    March 28, 2016 at 3:29 pm

    I agree with every thing she said generally. I believe in catering to your man and kids (God has made them your primary responsibility regardless of what career you choose) and finding the balance that makes them see you as rare (my mother is). If you have a man that helps as well you are blessed. If you don’t, to each his own.; But abeg which one be Babe Oya. That’s the most insensitive line ever.

  21. Lucinda

    March 28, 2016 at 3:33 pm

    I agree with your last sentence. Also to let you know that some of the best chefs in the world are males. The case is different in naija, it boils down to your last sentence.

  22. Emancipation.

    March 28, 2016 at 3:43 pm

    “””You chose to add a plus to your life.”” The writer was referring to education and a career, for women. I think it should refer, as a guideline, to any man a woman chooses as a husband. He must be a plus. And, a plus is not someone who sees you as and reduces you to a servant or slave; someone who sees you as less than himself, no matter your admirable qualities and achievements in life.

    What is defective in a man’s hands that he cannot wash, and iron, his own clothes and those of his wife and children for that matter? That should be his own chore. Even in the old days, people had their washerMAN who went about doing people’s laundry for a fee; you hardly heard of a washerWOMAN.

    What kind of defective thinking (if thinking had actually been involved) would make a ‘man’ think that he could just donate sperm and then hands off the upbringing, training, care and development of the children, human beings, members of the world population who arise out of that sperm (and their mother’s egg)? What manner of irresponsibility, and just plain foolishness, is that? Then if the child or children turn out well, they take all the glory, and if not, then the mother gets all the blame.

    If ‘men’ are going to abdicate their responsibilities in such a manner (is the woman superhuman? in all the example detailed by the writer, where does the woman have time to check on what is really going on with the nanny and the children? to check on what happens during all that time the children spend in the neighbour’s house whilst she’d busy slaving in the kitchen, and selecting their father’s clothes for work next day and their clothes for school, probably having to iron them, looking through their homework, etc, etc, etc, who checks who their friends are, chats about what happened in school that day, and so many other things parents have to teach, to model, to be sensitive to, to stay on top of?) then, they really don’t need to marry. They can just be donors at sperm banks and leave requests to meet the children born from their sperm if the mothers, or couples are willing.

    And yes, please lose the negative stereotype. Many Nigerian men are not like that. My friend’s and his wife’s (and many other women’s) cooking skills could just not be compared on the same scale so he did more of the cooking but she certainly cooked and well, too. He’s very, very involved with his children and the home even though he’s celebrated in his field and is a very busy entrepreneur. I have other male friends who are very busy businessmen and entrepreneurs and who are very involved with their children, the parenting is a partnership, and they look after their wives. I do not understand why a ‘man’, after eating a meal cooked for him, laid on the table for him, for some reason finds himself too weak and fragile to clear the table, or take his dirty plate to the sink, if not even wash it but even (as mentioned in one commentator’s post) “”started bribing me with a piece of meat which he strategically leaves on the plate.”” just to get her, his wife, to take his plate to the kitchen after he’d eaten. I don’t understand, please. Is she a dog? Bribe her with a piece of meat? The meat she went to the market (super or otherwise) to buy? The meat she washed, cut, spiced, boiled, fried, stewed, ‘souped’, cooked? Where’s the bribe? Is she a child, or a maid who doesn’t get enough meat. or a dog? And why should a bribe be necessary at all?

    I think women need to, as we acquire formal education, training and skills, also educate our own minds about ourselves, about who we really are, about what we’re really worth, and what is acceptable and what is just not acceptable. I think we probably need to be a little more patient and a lot less desperate in our life choices.

    And for the Bible-quoting ‘men’alluded to, they should read the Bible completely. They should also study JESUS’ relationship with women, the woman caught in adultery, going against the traditions of the day and the views of the hypocritical men who threw her on the ground before HIM for judgment, their ready stones in their hands (and hearts); the women at the well, going out of his way and spending valuable time to meet and talk with her and heal her emotionally and transform her life, where others would have judged and condemned and rejected her, HE chose her and turned her into HIS evangelist; HIS compassion for the widow of Nain, moved by her pain as she went to bury her only son, seeing her situation, left all alone in the world, without husband, without child, unasked, HE brought her son back to life; and so on.

    They should, also, note that it was only after GOD had made man i.e. Adam (not mankind including women) that HE looked at what HE had made and said: “”It is NOT good.””

    Something about man, without woman, something about a man, without a wife, was not, and is not, good. And that is from THE ALMIGHTY GOD HIMSELF. Man NEEDED woman in his life, to be complete, to pass the Divine Quality Control Test, to be “”GOOD”‘.

    Without woman, without his wife, man, a man is simply not a good product; and that’s straight from The Mouth of The DIVINE MANUFACTURER.

    Furthermore, they should, also, note that the Scripture that tells a husband to defer to his wife recognising that she is the “‘weaker vessel””, which many have twisted out of its intending meaning, clearly states “”vessel”” not “being or creature i.e. it is the woman”s container (that is what a vessel), her physical frame that is weaker, NOT her being.

    Finally, and most importantly, they should note, these Bible-quoting ‘men’, including the ones who like to shout from the rooftops: “”a woman must submit to a man”” (which also the Bible does NOT say but only specifically a woman to her own husband), GOD’s command as to how a husband should treat and relate with his own wife:


    • Mo

      April 2, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      You are full of wisdom… Wow! Words fail me to comment on the depth of your reasoning and considering that I am the wordsmith herself, that is major. Please put your voice out there and continue to speak the truth. God is most definitely smiling at you for using the brain He has given you. Well done!

  23. T

    March 28, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    Wait o…@ keke driver,if your mum’s name that starts with an ‘A’ is a 6 letter word…the 6 children You mentioned are 2 girls and and 4 boys…and your mum has once lived in Abuja and Enugu,then I know you! I just have to figure out which of the osujis you are then.

  24. Deep Soul

    March 28, 2016 at 4:33 pm

    Why can’t both parties simply pay someone to do the washing/cleaning/cooking etc
    Life is not that hard.
    Getting hired hands is not that hard especially in Nigeria.
    I simply see my salary as revenue and the cost of paying a nanny/cook/cleaner as cost of sales. I cannot come and go and kill myself.

    Before we were married, my husband cooked, cleaned, washed. Fast forward 4 years later, to carry plate go kitchen na big deal. Na so I go siddon dey look him and the plate.
    I go go market, cook, serve your food and just to carry plate go kitchen, you go dey look me. Clap for yourself.

    These days I pay someone to do these things. Thank you

  25. Cookie

    March 28, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    I was having this discussion with my uncle yesterday and it almost turned into a heated argument. Wife left the house since morning to go visit her parents she hasn’t seen in a while, the husband has been home since morning and according to him has just been lounging. Wife comes back late with the kids and is still expected to cook beans and yam as that’s what husband wants to eat.
    I ask my uncle – you’ve been home since morning doing nothing why didn’t you just help her out by cooking that yam and beans you were craving for and he goes ehnn she’s the woman now. I almost gave him a slap save for the fact that he was my uncle.
    I dislike it when men feel they are men and shouldn’t help out in the house. Left for me, that husband/man will die of hunger. Truly malnutrition ain’t for kids alone.
    I’ll do my bit by making sure the fridge is stocked but it’s left to you as a man to boil that yam/rice or whatever especially if you are the first to get home from work. Weekends you should be able to help out with the chores and if you can’t please get someone – paid by you obviously to do the house chores. Little things like this which can be avoided often end up breaking homes. Do unto others as they do to you. It’s simple!

    • Md

      March 29, 2016 at 2:20 pm

      Why don’t you cook for your uncle?…pls leave the man house and go to your own house and stay and form feminist all day as you like. You would have slapped him and end your life right there

    • Cookie

      March 29, 2016 at 6:55 pm

      Edakun, point out where I wrote I was living with my uncle. Assmonkey like you.

  26. cuppy

    March 28, 2016 at 4:51 pm

    @ T,,,,,,,BN witchcraft on patrol……tufiakwa
    Btw,i tell myself each day no one has received award for suffering,i cannot come and die for another person’s child…..for what nah? So on my 10th anniversary i will look like his grandaunt while he seems ageless………mbanu
    Get help….nanny,cook,driver….biko..

    • T

      March 28, 2016 at 5:48 pm

      LOL!!! I may be wrong,you know. It’s really not that serious.

  27. That

    March 28, 2016 at 6:05 pm

    seriously speaking, most of our men are just wicked and selfish a beg. let’s remove the gender equality thing and talk about being fair to another fellow human being. it is really wicked to get home from work by 4 pm and expects your wife who isn’t home until 9-10 pm to cook dinner for u…. haba that is so so terrible and they still expect their wives to splits bills 50-50 with them o.

  28. Jennifer

    March 28, 2016 at 6:54 pm

    Lol most of these comments tho …. If your husband was Dangote, you’ll expect him to split the chores 50/50 right ? I now understand why divorce rate keeps rising !smh .anyway you feminists should continue so that people that really need your husbands can marry and submit and be happy Lmao !

    • bukky

      March 28, 2016 at 8:12 pm

      @Jenifer, No, it’s comment like yours that makes us realize that some women prefer to be treated like slaves. While other women are attempting to break out of the box that society puts them in, shallow ones like you will sit on the sideline insulting your fellow women for daring to break free from societal norms that subjugate them.

      If you weren’t that shallow, you’d realize that is not even about feminism, it is pure selfishness on the part of men. It is not freaking rocket science and If your head wasn’t far up a man’s a**, you’d realize that It is common courtesy to help out in the home you live in!!!! Not to talk of a home you share with your wife and the children you helped create. As kids get older, chores are added to their schedules, so what is it that makes a healthy adult man exempt from this? Free yourself from retrogressive thoughts for one minute, and ask yourself what is it that actually makes a man more special than you. Absolutely nothing!!!

    • For Jennifer

      March 28, 2016 at 8:26 pm

      Mark Zuckerberg that is richer than Dangote is:
      1) Married to only one woman
      2) Doing chores
      The same would be for Dangote’s wives if not for patriarchy and religion as an excuse for patriarchy. I feel a bit sad for you, you appear female and your internalised misogyny will not allow you to admit that what many women here have said is true, perhaps because you’d rather be married or have men like Paul Babalola approve of you than be happy.
      The article is about working women, why are you asking about if the man was wealthy? Afterall, people interview Folorunsho Alakija and ALL they want to ask her is if she cooks for her husband and washes his underwear.

      So let’s twist your statement, if the woman was as rich as Dangote, would they expect her to share the housechores 100/0? Yes

    • For Jennifer

      March 28, 2016 at 8:40 pm

      You don’t know what submission is. And that submission has nothing to do with who cooks or washes plates. Please don’t bring Christianity into this dear.

    • Weezy

      March 28, 2016 at 8:50 pm

      Interesting. You’re assuming that we all want to marry Dangote.

      There are women who will exchange a wealthy man for a simply middle class one if it means more respect, faithfulness and reciprocity.

      I’ve noticed that a lot of African men (and women) are close-minded and only think about money and charm (maybe even religion) when it comes to what makes a man marriage material. For some of us, reciprocity and empathy are more important than being able to “financially take care” of a woman.

  29. Dr. N

    March 28, 2016 at 7:11 pm

    Settle these things b4 saying Yes and choose a partner who generally keeps his word.

  30. Paul Babalola

    March 28, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    Bloody feminist, that’s why 95% of them are divorced and are lesbians.

    • Baby Dee

      March 28, 2016 at 8:04 pm

      Ode ni ehn ni?? Stop this nonsense comments my friend…. ahh!

    • bukky

      March 28, 2016 at 8:18 pm

      LOL! Is that the best you can do? Calling us lesbians because some of us can actually think for ourselves and oppose your primitive notions? Be an adult man and stop making arguments like a cave man.

    • Respect.

      March 28, 2016 at 10:13 pm

      @bukky, don’t disrespect cave men with your comparison, please.

    • For Jennifer

      March 28, 2016 at 8:29 pm

      You use divorce, feminist and lesbian as insults.
      lmaooo thank God you’ve exposed the kind of person you are. Don’t worry we won’t bother explaining anything to you.

      Interesting though, how you were so calm at first, but the moment your backwards ideologies were challenged, your big ego got bruised and you turned on aggressive cave man mode. Thanks for giving us a trait for look out for when dating Nigerian men.

    • Oyinda

      March 28, 2016 at 9:06 pm

      @Baby Dee Please help us tell him o! Just displaying his sense of entitlement, laziness, selfishness and general lack of consideration all over the place over a simple matter of sharing domestic chores and raising the fruit of his own loins. Too bad I don’t believe in re-incarnation, I would have prayed for God to return you as a woman in your next life and give you a husband who thinks that with the modern day responsibilities of most working adults, helping with house chores and being an active participant in raising his children is women’s work. So while she works 9- 5 or longer and then comes back to cook, wash, clean and take care of you and the kids what are you doing with all this free time exactly? Being a man? How does that make you different from the children? I really do hope you are doing something more productive with that time which does not include non-income generating related socializing, watching TV, sleeping or just staring off into space.

      Instead of giving constructive advice such as hire a nanny, cook, washman, buy a dishwasher, washing machine etc or just plain old you being more useful around the house or helping the kids with their homework so she doesn’t have to you are blaming feminism. Abi even helping with homework is not manly? Oshisko.

      So God forbid if she died suddenly you would ask your mother or her mother or your sisters or sisters-in-law to leave their husband’s houses to come and take care of your children or you ship them off to go live with some relative? or would you just marry some woman hastily without thought of how she fits with the children you already have just so you can get them off your hands (assuming they are not old enough for boarding school) and so that you will have someone to feed, clean and wash for you. I really do hope you would reconsider and put yourself in the shoes of the other most significant human being in your life. My friend this is how you show love.

      I thank God everyday for my Father and his example. Even as an officer in the Nigerian Military he did all these and more. Maybe Military training and having to live on your own with minimal comforts just makes you a more resourceful, self-sufficient, considerate and responsible human being. He may not be perfect but he loves his family. I have many fond childhood memories and we have made even more together as adults because he chose to be more than just an ATM machine for his family.

    • deborah king

      March 28, 2016 at 11:14 pm

      D replies uve gotten tonight have indeed proven to me that bellaniajarians are truly posh sweet people….very very calm people, still speaking queens english. How i wish this post was on SDK blog, nd u post ds ur dead comments, d curses u wld av recieved this nyt both in english nd in languages that av not yet been discovered, which will result in very quality, high grade nightmares, ur brain will do a hard reset before dawn. Mschewww…somebody’s child.

    • deborah king

      March 28, 2016 at 11:33 pm

      @paul babalola

  31. K mama

    March 28, 2016 at 7:39 pm

    Naija guys will not kill somebody with their sense of entitlement kai! If both the husband and wife are working, then they should share the responsibility Abeg. It doesn’t make sense when we get hom at the same time then the guy will now be chilling watching soccer while I’m busy slaving in the kitchen trying to put stuff together. IT IS SLAVERY.

    I always say this and I will keep saying it, the girl should set her boundaries at the beginning of the relationship if not the guy will just be taking advantage. The next thing she’ll come and be crying for us on aunty Bella.

  32. John

    March 28, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    Growing up,I saw my mum wash my Dad’s clothes,cook and cater for us all,even though they both worked,however,I don’t expect same of my wife because a lot has changed,Thank God I can cook and do chores as a guy even though I really don’t like doing them,However,I don’t think there will be a problem if my wife is so busy to cook for me cos I can cook for myself or better still eat out.As for the kids,we both own them so we should both be in their life.As for other chores,I might and might not take them up,depends on the way she solicits my help.I am a doctor as well and I tell a lot of guys,it takes a lot of sacrifice to marry a female doctor.That’s why in Nigeria you find very few female doctors in demanding specialities like surgery,O&G because of the time demanded by such specialities and a lot of them want to concentrate on their children and families.So like y’all said earlier,it’s a matter/topic that should be trashed out while in courtship to avoid trouble in marriage.

  33. serendipity

    March 28, 2016 at 8:13 pm

    My mum was a career woman, i have always admired her growing up and I’ve modeled life after hers but as I get older I realize she could only be successful because she had an authentic man beside her. My earliest memories are my dad getting me ready for school, picking me from school, helping me do my homework, making lunch available which mum had prepared. P.S cooking is the only thing my dad can’t do and any day my mum was not feeling good, get ready to eat boiled yam as the only thing he can make. whenever his family members complained, he said they are my children, not yours. He still goes to the market, help with laundry with all of us in university, mind you we’ve never had a maid even up till present times. As for all those quoting the bible , go and read myles munroe- the power and purpose of woman it will educate you. When i tell people in uni about my dad, they are like your mum used ‘ jazzz’ i say to them when i get married ill ask her for some. Shout out to real men like my dad I love u!!!

  34. OJ

    March 28, 2016 at 8:52 pm

    If my mum can succcessfully train all her seven kids and relatives inclusive without my father been alive, and was also working full time….then the so called career minded women dont have any excuse. And BTW my mum still looks way way much younger and prettier and healthier than those spoilt foul mouthed feminazi men hating, lonely vampires on this forum..

    • Dr Oviemo Ovadje

      March 28, 2016 at 9:24 pm

      I don’t think This picture of slave wife is right and acceptable anymore. A working wife is more useful to the family now than just cooking for a husband, bringing up children and satisfying oga’s lust. All these can be combined in such a way that a woman’s self esteem is protected. The husband and children will enjoy the relationship better. I was once married to highly professionalised woman – surgeon. She combined these things at her own pleasure. She satisfied herself in the process. I and the children enjoyed her too. Men should change for the better.

    • Cookie

      March 28, 2016 at 9:29 pm

      You need to go wash that thing you call a brain with hypo okay. Of course, your mum would train everybody without any help whilst working full time because people like you with your twisted opinion would rather sit back and watch her do all the work.

    • BabyDee

      March 28, 2016 at 9:37 pm

      Please go back and read, and I command you to comprehend in Jesus Name.
      The argument here is not about career minded women raising their children. And really, would your mum appreciate you using such disgusting language?
      Both parents being equally vested in the affairs of the home – domestically, financially, emotionally, spiritually, educationally, & time, makes a huge difference in the outcome of the lives of every member (parents, children, wards) of that home. No one person should be doing it alone. Let the husband help -beyond just paying rent and tuition), let the woman be inclusive beyond just turning eba on the stove & ironing shirts.
      And for those who unfortunately do not have both parents at home, please accept\solicit help if you can afford to. Make life easier for yourself so you can pay attention to other matters needing your attention, like a foul mouthed child. Makes no damn sense if a lone parent works night and day to raise 6 kids alone, but is not there to make sure those kids are not being molested, stealing, gang-banging etc….

      There are things I don’t get. People say women are the weaker sex, men are stronger physically etc – yet the burden of physical labor (wash, clean, groceries\market runs, stand on feet for hours straight cooking, take care of children, knacking at night) in the house is expected to be carried out alone by the weaker sex, while the one with the muscle is sitting cross legged watching Arsenal get smacked again? Sheeeeeeeeeeeesh


    • Rampage

      March 29, 2016 at 9:05 am

      Knacking is not labour. Both parties benefit.

    • Corolla

      March 28, 2016 at 10:02 pm

      That someone is able to do all chores alone does not mean it should be dumped on them. The conversation here is about two-parent homes, so your argument is infact, not valid. You calling women “lonely vampires” is not shocking. When people like you cannot come up with sound arguments, you resort to unintelligent and predictable jabs. We know your kind and we are not surprised.

    • Corolla

      March 28, 2016 at 10:20 pm

      My comment was directed at OJ.

    • OJ

      March 29, 2016 at 6:20 am

      Lonly vampire

    • Fisayo

      March 29, 2016 at 11:11 am

      @OJ I feel sorry for your mother. After all her hard-work, this is the foul-mouthed vile cretin you’ve turned out to be?

      Kai! Poor woman. 🙁

    • Oyinda

      March 28, 2016 at 10:06 pm

      Smh so because a loving mother leveled up and did what she had to do after the hand fate dealt her (God bless her!) and did it well, all women who have hale and hearty husbands should just allow their husbands to sit back relax and enjoy the ride, after all they were created to be catered to. So please what is the purpose of the marriage exactly? why did the man get married? to be a sperm donor?
      I try to refrain from employing the use of insults when making comments here, but this your comment leaves me at a loss. Please don’t come and tarnish your mother’s good name over here by making such asinine comments. I know you think you are bragging about how great your mom is (I would too if I were you) but this so not the place. You are completely off base by making that comment on this particular article. Did you even read it? So please stop and we’ll love you more for it (well I will anyway can’t speak for the other commenters). In spite of the fact that you think we are foul mouthed, men hating lonely vampires, because for us to even suggest that a man do any domestic chores or child rearing makes us all these things, but God dey.

    • Chiagozim

      March 28, 2016 at 10:12 pm

      So therefore, if women have lived through abusive relationships, we should all live through abusive relationships because some women have done it before. You think your mum wouldn’t have preferred a less stressful life of just giving and go in without getting back anything in return? Rather than feel pity for your mum, you’re feeling entitled to women sacrificing all for you, well done
      Oh well, because you’re a man and many Nigerian women value marriage over happiness, someone will still marry you. All is well ?

    • deborah king

      March 28, 2016 at 11:21 pm

      Nahhh my nigga…..from this ur comment its obvious she did’nt do a particularly good job.
      P.s……God bless her for the effort.

    • Tincan

      March 29, 2016 at 1:05 am

      OJ, you should ask your mum what her preference would have been, if she had a choice. Do it all (God rest your Dad’s soul) single or do it with a loving partner? Also, beyond equality, being considerate et al, isn’t there joy in being a partner? in doing things together, be it getting the kids ready or gisting and cooking? It’s little wonder once the kids are grown, many parents do not have anything in common anymore.

  35. Peaches77

    March 28, 2016 at 9:21 pm

    **smiling, In life what you accept will happen and continue.

  36. IJS

    March 28, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    Its not that deep. Try to have these convos b4 marriage. Dont be desperate to be a wife to just about anybody and then start lamenting later. If u turned out unlucky and married a man that won’t help out encourage him to help out or leave everything in disarray till he sitsup. Carry your cross

  37. Chiagozim

    March 28, 2016 at 10:12 pm


  38. Titena

    March 28, 2016 at 10:17 pm

    Lmao!! All these comments are too funny! Now I’m female and I want to reiterate NOT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME. Again every pot has a lid! You guys are wasting time chatting away on BN when you should have thrashed all these during courtship. Please stop writing in articles saying Nigerian men, stop it! What were you people doing during courtship? Having sex and going out abi? Lol. If you married a man that enslaves you, please don’t complain because that’s what you signed for. Some women like to be treated like that, they take it as part of being a woman and that’s fine. There’s a man for every woman and vice versa. All these talk of chauvinists bla bla bla. Please leave them alone and face your feminist men. Chauvinist men leave the feminist women alone and face your submissive women.

    All these revolving door articles and talks about career women are beginning to sound funny. You people all make it seem like women just started working. There have been domesticated and non domesticated men before Jesus and that’s not ending anytime soon. If you keep on attracting men you don’t want then either change yourself or change your environment. All y’all are beginning to sound like broken records. When a man writes in an article, complaining about Nigerian women and bunching them together, most people would come for him or start defending the character flaw he pointed out. One thing I noticed when growing up was that women that always complained men this, men that had the most terrible character, attitude problem which affected their relationship with everybody not just men. I hate hate hate this stupid baseless generalization of a thing! I know how I look with disgust at men who bunch females together and associate a particular trait with them. It shows something is wrong with your brain.

    Errmm Aunty writer if you want to know how we do it, marry and have kids and if you realize you can’t do it, throw your marriage and kids away. Or better still, you can do proper courting with the man you want to marry and make sure he is domesticated or you can outsource the house chores, and home care to other individual and pay or feed them for doing it. Too much talk over nothing.

    • Leah

      March 29, 2016 at 11:14 am

      @Titena, please come down from your high horse for a little bit and understand that people change!

      Settling whatever during courtship is no fool proof system. Didn’t you see the commenter up above that said her husband used to take his plate to the kitchen and after a while, it became hard work for him?

      Please quit this your fraudulent superiority and look beyond your little nose. Thank you in advance.

  39. pastorpikin

    March 28, 2016 at 10:31 pm

    marriage is partnership dat works. my husband hates cooking,so I cook. I hate ironing so he iron. am better at childcare, he is d pulmber/carpenter/electrician all rolled up in one. the hired help cleans. all these shld be sorted out during courtship ooooo. if not OYO is ur case.

  40. pastorpikin

    March 28, 2016 at 10:33 pm

    *he irons

  41. Jay

    March 28, 2016 at 10:37 pm

    There’s no crime in getting a washing machine, and have someone come in at least 3times a week to clean the house. Cooking can be shared, I grew up to both my parents cooking, and my dad cooking even more when my mum was neck deep in work. Didn’t change who he was. Mind you if not checked, can make the woman lazy. ‎(I’ve seen this happen in some homes). 
    My fiance can’t stand anyone except him ironing his clothes, and I can’t stand ironing anything at all. So that works for me. I don’t mind washing (hand/machine) for both of us and he irons for both of us. ‎
    As for the ladies, did your father ever clear his plate? So why should your husband clear his plate? Tah!!
    There’s the place of a man and the place of a woman in a home, when both miss lane, accidents occur. A Lot of us when growing up did chores extraordinaire. And so because you’re working class, you don’t want to anymore. And then, ladies don’t even take their time to know & study their future husbands, they marry & enter one-chance, then come here to disturb our ears. He never washed a dish while courting, what makes you think he will when you’re married? “D way you lay your bed, be ready to lie in it like that”
    There should be a balance in career & family. If as a woman you can’t balance hectic work , raising your kids+keeping your home. Sit at home or be an entrepreneur… Please read Proverbs 31.

  42. oluwabunmi oke

    March 28, 2016 at 11:12 pm

    wow!all the comments! the article was written with the aim to celebrate working mothers who seem to have it under control irrespective of the input from the other party.

    • Tincan

      March 29, 2016 at 1:09 am

      I think what commenters are saying is that, that narrative needs to change.

    • Yass gurl

      March 30, 2016 at 5:59 am

      The writer you too you’re behaving like someone that is too weak to be assertive. A whole doctor like you. Be there trying to be liked, seeing as you’re so agreeable and trying to please everybody, marry OJ. Or Paul

  43. Kokoro Dudu

    March 28, 2016 at 11:39 pm

    I don’t know what the fuss is about. You are 100% responsible for the choice of man you marry. If you open your eyes and get hooked with a 21st century man with a mind from the time of Moses crossing the Red Sea, na u sabi.

  44. Haya

    March 29, 2016 at 12:03 am

    Lol some of dese comments are hilarious. This issue would continue to be debated and argued till…I don’t know. I rmembr smtym bck whn my dad was complaining bout smthn my mom should’v done,she gave him a sweet smile and said ‘you know am only just your helper ba, ure suppose to do everything in the house but am helping, so just enjoy ur meal’ and she went bbck to d gist dey were having before he made d complaint, d shock on his face was epic,he just smiled n started laughing. Note: my dad is d typical african man by d way, my mom is abit ok wwit dt (largely cos she doesn’t rly xpect him to help much arnd d house most of d tym). I’ll just say go for what. Suits u,dere r ladies dt don’t mind doing all d work, dere r dose dt do mind,also dere r guys dt don’t mind cooking n doin oda stuff,my brother prefers making his meals,says we dnt do it ryt(tho he takes atlst 2hrs to fnsh cookn bt whn he’s tru u’ll knw ure eating real food), hes nt gud in keepn a place tidy, my oda brother isn’t so gud wit cooking but he can so arrange tins, so not all Nigerian men are daft(thankfully),tho most are. And as Paul said, asking nicely also helps,nt saying dt shld b always,bt if u do dt lyk twice n u respct urslf(notice I didn’t say respct d man yet) den u’ll find out dt d man wud help u witout u asking; most men didn’t grow up wit d mentality of helping or assisting d woman wit housechores, nt deir fault,u teach dem (preferably whyl courting). Go for wht u want n allow odas do wht dey want…live n let live

  45. Papacy

    March 29, 2016 at 12:33 am

    I’m insanely attracted to independent minded women so I do get where the writer is coming from. I don’t mind sharing chores. A lot of men don’t mind either so let’s chill out on the stereotypes please. If you want me to cook for you though, I’ll say no. Not cos I don’t want to, but because if u taste my meal u will break up with me. So in the interest of peace, allow me to do the dishes and clean the kitchen jeje. I can boil yam though.

    • Bee

      March 30, 2016 at 3:43 am

      Lol you doing great bro,!!! Boiling yam is a step in the right direction.

  46. The real dee

    March 29, 2016 at 1:05 am

    Geez. There are too many men hating, Nigerian men bashing, ‘men are evil’, ‘men are worthless’ women on this blog. I’m a woman and I don’t understand why some women on this blog are so angry with men, especially Nigerian men. Are Nigerian men demons? If they are, your dad, uncles and brothers should also fall into that category. I can’t even get through the comments as the hate for Nigerian men is spilling everywhere.

    Sometimes I wonder if some of you are being real or you’re just writing wishes and hopes as comments. A woman is the homemaker and the man is the provider, that’s basic. However, times have changed and women are now becoming more career oriented, but this does not displace the woman as the homemaker and the man as the provider.
    Marriage is between two people so the man and woman must contribute their quota but then you can’t expect that your husband to grab an apron and start cooking for you everyday, or he should wear his gloves and start cleaning the house because you are busy at work. Doesn’t he work too? Granted, many men cannot cook to save themselves but should you now enroll him in a cooking school because you expect him to be cooking for you? In the same vein, the wife shouldn’t be paying all the bills while the husband spends his salary in the beer parlor. You don’t expect your husband to take you on dates and you as the wife will foot the bill all the time. That’s an absurd switch in roles.

    A woman has her role in the home, so does the man.

    • Tiani

      March 29, 2016 at 5:31 am

      @Therealdee You’re in denial. Just say you agree with Jennifer&Paul Babalola and move on. Other people had intelligent points lined up to defend their arguments, all you have is outdated cultural practices that are doing much more harm than good. No need for trying to sound articulate to defend chauvinism. Thanks

    • Leah

      March 29, 2016 at 11:18 am

      Help me tell her oh! Serious denial.

      And yes, our fathers, brothers and uncles fall into the same category. It’s a pathetic cycle that needs to change.

  47. Timmy Tim

    March 29, 2016 at 2:11 am

    My dad cooks for us when he’s visiting from Nigeria. Although, he might not do that back home in Nigeria but at least he does here in the states. He ll be leaving us in few days and am already unhappy. Back to eating out!

  48. OJ

    March 29, 2016 at 6:40 am

    wife: baby the pumping machine is broken, there’s no water running
    hubby: i try to fix it, meanwhile the tap downstairs is running, u can get water there
    wife: but baby, u know im not used to fetching water, lets get aboki for that (shame on u)
    wife: the curtains and bedsheets are dirty, its needs washing
    hubby: get them all and soak in warm water, later u can wash it
    wife: but u know they are much, lets just give it to the drycleaners to do and pay them off, me i dont have power (shame on u)
    wife: the floor tiles are dirty, the floor needs washing
    hubby: i’ll go get the chemicals required at the maket for it
    wife: why do u like stressing urself, there are floor cleaning agencies that would do it and we pay them (shame on u)
    wife: hubby u went shopping at the maket, these are lots of vegetable leaves
    hubby: yes, i got a good bagain
    wife: but why didnt u cut them, u know i dont like cutting things
    hubby: is there anything at all u can do??????

    • Layo

      March 29, 2016 at 11:21 am

      OJ you’re sad with this gross exaggeration of the issue. Clearly this isn’t the scenario the women here are desirous of but if that’s what plays in your head, it only explains your limited brain capacity.

      I worry for the woman in your life. She should be placed on suicide watch.

    • OJ

      March 29, 2016 at 1:35 pm

      u are the sad one my dear…just accept it

  49. Food for thought

    March 29, 2016 at 6:54 am

    This article just addresses the tip of the ice berg of the relationship between Nigerian husband and wives. Men that think like this lack the sensitivity chip, they normally have no regards for women generally and their wives specifically.

    If the points made are all hogwash and things should stay the same, then please explain why Nigerian women in Calgary, Alberta make up the highest percentage of women with high blood pressure, or depression or other mental health cases
    Please explain why Judges in Canada find it appalling the way Nigerian men treat their wives. To the extent that the Judges, view Nigerian husbands as the worst they have ever seen. My pastor who is white has also noticed that pattern as she counsels married couples.

    Nigerian men generally need to do better. If you want this to stop then every Nigerian man should treat Nigerian women with respect.

    To those who had great father’s and/or have great husbands. Count yourself blessed. The struggle is real out there. To those who don’t mind being superheroes and doing it all, do you. Bit don’t silence the majority who want to feel like their spouses care and show it as well.

    Not everyone finds the traditional relationship sexy or their dream relationship. If it works fo you great but don’t disregard those that see it as hardship.

    • Rampage

      March 29, 2016 at 9:53 am

      Nigerian culture is different from white Canadian culture.

      This is why I envy the majority of moslems and asians that still have their men and women respecting their own cultures abroad.

      In the same Calgary, some sharp asian women cook and clean for guys from other cultures, who knows what else they do with the men. Come to think of it, maybe there is another reason for nigerian womens’ high BP there, hmmm.

    • Pompey

      March 29, 2016 at 11:25 am

      @Rampage you’re daft and in need of mental evaluation if you consider that the HBP Nigerian women face is excusable because your stupid culture permits it.

      Please by all means, look for and marry a “sharp” Asian who will do your cooking and cleaning. You need that master/slave relationship to feed your weak self.

    • Rampage

      March 30, 2016 at 12:52 am

      @Pompey, you will calm down when the right man finds you.

    • Bee

      March 30, 2016 at 3:52 am

      Oh wow,! I love in Calgary and I never knew about this. This is sad.

  50. Aisha

    March 29, 2016 at 6:56 am

    Hmm! This is just sad!
    It’s quite amazing how one thinks another should “submit” to him simply because he is a man.
    Not to be too preachy here, but when it comes to the subject of submission in the Islamic book, God commands both men and women to submit totally to him in all the instances where this subject is broached; because doing otherwise is tantamount to false worship or worshipping another…so, I just wonder how one submits to another human and maintains some semblance of sanity, fulfillment or happiness in life.
    Women, please be wise as to who you decide to spend your life and make a family with.
    A man who believes a woman’s ambition should be capped or confined will bring nothing but misery and unfulfilled dreams.

  51. onochie

    March 29, 2016 at 7:50 am

    After all, we be demons. Yet, women do wey go marry us. The sad thing is, you women can fight all you want it doesn’t change the fact that other women won’t marry us the way we are. If una finish, una go face reality. This is Africa. It favours us. Sorry ma’ams

    • Md

      March 29, 2016 at 2:38 pm

      @ONochiE Agree with you,but I actually love reading their rants here and chuckling bcos I know it is just femimist talk ( empty drums) and all done behind a keyboard or smartphone… I bet you most of them are cooking right now. If they don’t like it they should get a divorce , make another woman enter, abeg… but, I also bet you most delusional idiots commenting here are single and frustrated to begin with, so there opinions don’t count anyway. I truly love reading them whine and form modern women. It gives me joy knowing how weak and hopeless , bitter they truly are and the is nothing they could do about it because the men they ranting about holds all the card

  52. onochie

    March 29, 2016 at 7:52 am

    Plenty ibon. Wetin I mean be say women no.go finish. But men de finish

  53. OJ

    March 29, 2016 at 8:20 am

    All these men hating BN vultures here, dont you think the world would be a better place without men been in the picture? see this topic is overflogged, i do house chores more than my wife, even though she doesnt work…hahahahaha and im sure alot of u complaining here dont even know how to wash bedsheets sef, too lazy to even wash their dirty panties, sitting down all day pinging their BFF’s and expecting daddy to drop pocket money for u….hahahahaha, see ur life

    mind u, i cook, i sweep, i do the laundry, i clean the house, i buy the groceries, i pay all the bills etc, thats how i was brought up by my single mother working mum and now she’s having the time of her life with moneys and materials pouring in from all her grown children……what then does my wife do? she does same when required especially when im not around, my mum wasnt lazy and i dont expect my wife to be either

    • Aniebiet

      March 29, 2016 at 9:57 am

      You sound like a broken record. Stop already OJ. Stop sounding so immature and lonely. Your bitterness is glaring. Fix yourself.

    • Pompey

      March 29, 2016 at 11:26 am

      Is OJ capable of being fixed?

    • OJ

      March 29, 2016 at 1:36 pm

      seems you ladies just cant handle the truth

    • Nigerian_Men

      March 29, 2016 at 1:56 pm

      @Pompey… Yes O.J can be fixed…send me samples of his faulty parts/organs. We have 3D printers in our factory….We make them for you + 2 year warranty…..

    • bukky

      March 29, 2016 at 4:29 pm

      At OJ, you keep making stupid arguments like a Jakande School student. No one is talking about a lazy woman. If you had half a brain, you’d realize the topic at hand is about a home with two adults. who both have a career. The fact that women want men to step up doesn’t make them lazy. It’s the men who are arguing stupidly that are the lazy ones. The men who expect their wives to wait on them all day. Men who cannot wash plates, or even take their plates to the sink…they are the lazy ones.

  54. Moyo

    March 29, 2016 at 11:14 am

    I remember asking my 4 year old son to take his clothes to his dad to dress him up while I dress up my 2 year old daughter and get myself ready for church on a Sunday. My mother in law almost jumped out of her skin and started complaining about how all her children could dress themselves by age 5, and she went on ranting while I just ignored her, My husband dressed up for his son without complaining but I am sure she must have told him thereafter to stop. Women, we are our own greatest enemies. Please what is wrong with a husband helping his wife with their own children. Men should stop this self entitlement syndrome, it wont kill them if they get up once in a while to help around the house, look at the children’s homework and bond with his family while doing household chores

  55. OJ

    March 29, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    I know this the kind of topic they all love…..keep the bashing coming, but the truth has to be told, BN ladies just love the hate… and cant handle the truth

  56. Dem put gun for your head to marry?

    March 29, 2016 at 2:17 pm

    Know what i tell people who complain about the price of something? I tell them if you cant afford it, simply go for the one you can afford.

    You want shawarma, the seller says his own is 2k. What should you do? Leave him and go where they sell for 1k. Why do you have to complain and lament how his own is 2k?

    Ladies, it is very simple. Don’t marry if this is a big deal for you. Did anyone put a gun to your head?

    Oshisco. As if you are the first to have a career or paying job. Our mothers are Directors, CEOs, Gurus in their fields yet they are great at the home front.

    All these underage, immatured girls just coming up, who has only seen some small change and letting it get into their heads be forming spartacus.

    Stay in your fathers house my friend and dont disturb the peace of BN with your silly whining like someone stole your bread

    • bukky

      March 29, 2016 at 4:31 pm

      @Dem put gun for your head to marry? Can you actually think deep and tell us what is so outlandish about a man doing chores in his home. Seriously, please give us concrete reasons. Like all jokes and bitterness apart, what is so horrible about it?

      Yes, this is the way things were in the past, but culture is dynamic and it changes, and sometimes we have to adjust our mindset and move along with changes. The fact that some of our mothers successfully juggled their career and home without help from men doesn’t make it right. The format of marriage in Nigeria works to the advantage of men, and that is the only thing you men hold on to. It enables you be worry free once you enter your home…after all your wife (who has also gone to work) can take care of all the home affairs. Anyone who can truly think deep knows that it isn’t right for the bulk share of the work to be placed on one person. It is just common sense.

    • Dem put gun for your head to marry?

      March 29, 2016 at 4:47 pm

      Bukky, abi ode ni e ni?
      Cant you read in between the lines?
      @ all your bla bla blaa, ok agreed. If the men are like that, what is the next thing to do? is it not to leave man matter? You can change yourself but cant force others to change

      You cant force your opinion on the men. If they dont buy your idea, just waka go one side.

  57. mercy

    March 29, 2016 at 2:57 pm

    Can you just stop giving option and go do it your self? or do it with you wife?. why are you like this. get a brain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  58. In-laws Palaver

    March 29, 2016 at 3:12 pm

    Could remember a man friend of man relating how his sister came to visit in the UK from Naija, and she saw him doing some house chores in the kitchen. She scolded her brother and he had to inform her that this is London we share the house chores 50/50.

    There are women who are breadwinners and don’t barrage their husband with a reminder of that, but they know that to make their marriage successful, they have to cooperate.

  59. TOBI

    March 29, 2016 at 3:24 pm


  60. Anife

    March 29, 2016 at 5:06 pm

    For those using the Bible to justify bad behavior:

    Mark 10:42-45

    Jesus called [the disciples] together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

    Think again, you are called to sacrificially love your wife. The Biblical model works when applied correctly.

    Ladies, there are still Godly men out there who will love you sacrificially like God commands them. Wait for them and leave the confused ones alone.
    For those asking if I’d like for my brother to do what I want from my husband, don’t bother asking, he already does it. He was raised well and he knows the son of who he is.

    Finally: 1peter 3:7
    Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

  61. Paul Babalola

    March 29, 2016 at 5:31 pm

    All these hypocrites especially the America based Nigerian women, just look for whites to marry that will be helping you do your so called 50/50 chores because you have one career. I can bet you that no Nigerian man born inside Naija will succmb to your 50/50 chores except the guy is jobless. Bunch of frustrated feminist that the major preoccupation they have is to abuse Nigerian men.

    • Corolla

      March 29, 2016 at 6:01 pm

      Look at you, huffing and puffing down a post. The women have brusied your ego, ba? Ndo, pele o. People deemed your view point as garbage, and like a wounded lion, you are going below the belt and spewing venom. You’d probably hit your wife if she opposed you, abi? Guess what, it is 2016, and women have opinions…and those opinions will be aired!

      In all of this, it’s your wife and daughters I feel sorry for. Having such a worthless and chilidish man in their lives will surely damage them.

    • Md

      March 29, 2016 at 8:16 pm

      Abeg , feel sorry for own frustrated , bitter, man-hating self…also feel sorry for your father, brother and son ( if u have any).. dont flatter yourself, your view being aired is garbage. .empty drums make the loudest is better you remain single , I feel sorry for any man that will marry you with this your attitude

    • The real dee

      March 30, 2016 at 4:01 am

      @Corolla you must really have time. How can you insult someone like this? Do you even know Paul Babalola’s family that you are feeling sorry for his wife and daughters? The fact that we have a platform to express our opinions doesn’t mean we should involve people’s families in our insults.

      You guys have problems with Nigerian men, good for you. Some of you have even admitted that they are demons and your fathers, uncles and brothers are part of them, like one wrote under my comment. Courtship is for knowing a man and not sex, you women should take time to know a man before marriage and stop crying blue murder after you marry a man who is not domesticated.

      If you have issues with then, simply leave then alone and look for Tanzanian men, Kenyans, Americans, the list is endless. Stop bashing Nigerian men, you’ll also have a son one day and you’ll know how it feels when women feel the same way about your Nigerian male child.

  62. na wa

    March 29, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    According to my Warri people- “this woman is hardworking no be compliment” …na sense them take dey do something

  63. Tosin

    March 31, 2016 at 11:35 am

    Any man that is not a food supplier, please what are you giving me abeg? Better shift.

  64. Toks

    September 16, 2016 at 8:50 am

    The bible makes reference that woman was created as an help mate. But the argument is unrealistic from men who don’t understand the importance of women. The Bible didn’t said or God didn’t create women to be slaves .The Quran too doesn’t support slavery of women, I am a man, the truth is most men love to take advantage of women emotional natural nature. Some men like to twist the word of God to their own selfish advantage in to satisfy their interest. What is wrong if the man of the house Iron the children school uniform, help them with assignment why ,wife is cooking in the kitchen. What is wrong ifor the husband render assistance to the wife in running the home? African mentality, our culture, custom is causing untold stress in Realationship. Men if you are one of the lazy traditional men ,who like watching football and read Newpaper when your dear wife is sweating in the kitchen. Please ask forgiveness from God. Change your mind and ways. After your wife prepared your traditional meal and tried bedtimes asking the poor woman for Sex .It’s not good oooooooo. Remember you too have a daughter and I sure you don’t want anyone to treat her in an bad way. Thanks

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