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A Sad Case of Domestic Violence: Ronke Shonde Was Beaten to Death by Her Husband in Lagos

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Ronke Shonde and her husband 001

Ronke Bewaji Shonde, a woman in her mid-thirties, was found lifeless on the floor of her sitting room. She is believed to have been murdered by her husband, Lekan, who is now on the run.

According to reports on Nairaland, Neighbours had to forcefully open the door when their hired help came in the early hours of yesterday morning but was unable to. Upon opening the door, they found her body bruised and battered with blood seeping from her head.

As at the time of this report, the most probable cause of death was from blows received from her husband during a dispute. He later escaped leaving their children to find her body.

Domestic Violence

Ronke is also said to have suffered domestic violence in her husband’s hands for many years but chose to stay on in the marriage.

Photo Credit: Nairaland

157 Comments

  1. VERY SAD

    May 7, 2016 at 3:39 pm

    Na wa oooo. May God help us all.
    Look at how beautiful she was, even out of the husband’s league.
    hope they find him soon so he can face the wrath of the law.

    • Kadara

      May 7, 2016 at 4:50 pm

      Where are the people always saying going and watch war room instead of telling a woman to run for her life?! Some were even advising Tiwa to go back to Teebillz, a man who is clearly unhinged and doesn’t even mind killing himself . That kind of man won’t even think twice of killing her and then killing himself because you can see he’s someone that will rather take everyone down with him. That’s the type of man you people will say a woman should go back to. When women come out to say what they are going through you this same people will tell them to keep covering . Society is the one killing all these women and men in bad marriages . Tiwa God bless you for not listening o, the same people will rush to say RIP

    • Chu

      May 7, 2016 at 5:10 pm

      I’m tired of War Room getting the flake for every bad marriage. It’s a very good movie and lives have been blessed by it. There is no answer fits all in anything in life, so War Room can’t be the answer to every marital issue. A woman should be able to decide what to do in her home, in her life without passing the buck to someone else. Even if family and pastor pressures a woman to stay she has the right to choose her path. I know it’s not easy in situations like this but it’s our decisions that determines our output, the blame can’t be passed to anyone.
      There are people that have gotten so blinded by bitterness that they can’t see the way forward, prayers eases the pain, the bitterness and in the place of prayer there is a word from God and sometimes that word can be RUN, God isn’t in the business of seeing people die in the name of marriage. Unfortunately most times we are not even tuned to hear God speak or have ability to hear Him. It’s just a series of ‘for righteous sake prayer’.
      I had a hard time growing up but I learnt to stay on the right path with the help of God so I do not subscribe to blaming others for your woes, when your life was in your hands from the go. The first time my husband joked I will slap you, I told him I will kill you. He laughed but later said he fear small. I pray he never does it in the future but I don’t intend to sit down and allow myself to be walked over.
      Women have pride in yourself, you are more than a wife and a mother but in those roles you have so much amazeness to offer don’t believe anything less.
      OK rant over.

    • cos I say so

      May 7, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      I wish I could like this a 100 times

    • Chinelo

      May 7, 2016 at 6:58 pm

      No need pointing the finger at society. If Tiwa had listened to society she would never had walked the aisle with that man. If she had listened to the sister voice of the woman tunji left for her she would not have gotten into the mess she ended up with. Tunji was always a mess, before and after he met Tiwa. Tiwa knew this and still signed a marriage contract with him. Now I don’t know this poor woman’s story, it is possible she never saw it coming, which is often the case were some men show their true colours after the I dos. In which case it is the woman’s prerogative to up and leave. If you read the story you’ll see that her family had actually asked her to leave. She choose to stay. It’s clear you are a Tiwa sympathiser which is okay but Let’s not smear this poor woman’s situation with Tiwas sordid drama. Tiwa went in there eyes wide open then she tries to involve everyone in her mess and crying me a river when her marriage comes to a predictable end. Please. And may her soul rest in peace.

    • RIP Ronke Shonde

      May 7, 2016 at 7:36 pm

      Kadara o. Every time i see a comment 4rm you, its on articles like this. Article that illustrate the weaknesses of marriage. I’ve never heard you say anything good about the institution.

      See marriage is not by force. Christians who preach against divorce, do so because it is their faith. you have no right to tell them what to do or not do.

      A woman just died. and after weeks of being MIA of this blog, all you come here for is to say “I TOLD YOU SO, MARRIAGE IS BAD. MEN ARE THE DEVIL” Have some respect. Cases like this make “normal” people sober. If they are in a relationship, or married, they reflect, if they’re Christians they pray. Personally if this is happening to someone (even if its the first time, i won’t advice the person to stay with him in the same house. – you can always let him leave in the house by himself, if you have children take them along)

      But you are so hell bent on opposing the institution of marriage that the hatred reeks out of every comment you make. Nobody is forcing you to marriage, Whether family pressures or not, its still your choice. If you hate it so much, stay away from it.

      What just happened to this woman is not about you, it is not about you being right and people like me being wrong. These are things you should never wish for or tolerate. Save your hate messages. It is a free world. Nobody is chaining you to do anything you don’t want to do.

      And please don’t reply this. I’m not about to start an argument with you on who’s right or wrong over someone’s death.

    • Anon

      May 8, 2016 at 2:48 pm

      402 likes and just 141 comments. Ummmmmmm! Don’t add up.

    • nike

      May 9, 2016 at 8:05 am

      But what has war room got to do with this story? there was no case of domestic violence in the movie, at least i do not recall the husband battering his wife with his hands. anyways, lets always stick to the issue when analyzing.

    • lawrenta

      May 7, 2016 at 9:20 pm

      No marriage it’s worth one’s life……marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured……once d chemistry is finish…d history no longer matters…….be ur own owner and live in peace than to be buried in pieces……

  2. pepperlina

    May 7, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    Jesus onye ebere!

  3. Very Sad

    May 7, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    Women should please seek help once the abuse gets physical,young guys for no reason must you hit a woman,some of their mouth can run you mad,just walk away.

    • Mimi

      May 8, 2016 at 2:00 am

      there was a twitter tag trending called “beinfemaleinnigeria” and several other articles i’ve read, it’s likely that when she tried to tell someone of the domestic abuse, they asked her “what are you doing to cause it, some women are so crazy and rude that they can make even a gentle man beat them, do not get a divorce o, God hates divorce, a woman that divorces has failed in life”… marriage is a god in nigeria.
      her parents may even have brought her back to the man and begged him to take her back (all this is hypothesising of course) but i read a comment on some article where a lady said when she was young she vowed never to marry a nigerian man (drastic i know), why? when her dad beat up her mother and cheated on her, the family brought the mum back and made her kneel to the dad to take her back. methinks this is why divorce was not rampant in the “good” old days.

      1
  4. dips

    May 7, 2016 at 3:53 pm

    I still do not understand. Why would a grown-up person stay put in danger.
    How can someone remain in an abusive relationship? How? The whole concept is strange to me. I do not understand.

    • nene+

      May 7, 2016 at 5:58 pm

      I encourage women in abusive relationships to end such worthless relationship! It should never get to marriage! Once anger is sighted please sisters run for your life no matter your age. Marriage bring out the extremes in people, if he slapped you in a relationship know he will punch you in marriage, if he punched you then know an iron club is waiting for you.
      Forget prayer and fasting and your pastor! Anger management is indeed difficult!
      In marriage i usually don’t encourage divorce but I certainly don’t encourage living in danger. I stand by women and men who steer clear from abuses and life threatening circumstances! Why live with danger? Sleep with one eyes closed?
      So sad that this beast killed the mother of his children!

    • Temipearl

      May 7, 2016 at 9:47 pm

      I don’t get it too o

  5. seyi

    May 7, 2016 at 3:53 pm

    And th neighbours should be arrested too!! Did they not hear anything?? What kind of thing is this for Christ’s sake!! I trust my father. One slap from any guy, he will remove me from that situation, deal with the guy before asking what happened. Utter rubbish!! So so sad!!

    • CovertNigerian

      May 7, 2016 at 5:31 pm

      There might have been a moral imperative for the neighbors to intervene but certainly not a legal one. There is absolutely nothing they can be arrested for. Besides you have no context. How do you know they hadn’t intervened in the past only to be rebuffed? Don’t be quick to judge.
      Congrats on having a father that will help extricate you from a bad situation, if it should arise and he becomes aware of it – it certainly helps. However, I think the ideal is to get to a point where we can extricate ourselves from bad situations ourselves if need be and not wait for daddy.

  6. FasholasLover

    May 7, 2016 at 3:53 pm

    On a previous post, when l said marriage is not by force, some weak, lame ass confidence lacking twat said l was encouraging divorce! When the chemistry is dead and hate sets in move on. Love does not hurt. Love does not wish you dead. Love does not swear to bring you down even if they “made” you. Whatever dat means. May you find peace Ronke. You could hv left when he hit you the first time.

  7. Nk

    May 7, 2016 at 3:55 pm

    Oh my God why, may be her pastor told her that the man is her soulmate that he would change. That’s how my boss’s pastor told her not to leave her husband that he is the one destined by God. Man that keeps emotionally and physically abusing her for years

  8. DoroAnon

    May 7, 2016 at 3:55 pm

    ?? what kind of wickedness is this?why did Ronke choose to be wicked to her kids. now he has killed what is the fate of your children. who have you left them for,to cater for them not even your sister would give them? love. As for me marriage is not a do or die something God hates divorce not the divorcee. I’m from a stunch Christian family anytime I hear my cousins ordeal she’s a victim of domestic and emotional violence. I would say if she likes she should stay there and die and if anything happens to her .all my family members that are telling her to endure or is it longsuffering she should do 3days dry fasting n midnight prayer for the so call husband who’s busy chopping turkey I would tell the world. I’m not Christ I’m only trying to be Christike. if I were my cousin I would have given him a scar on his face so wenever he looks into the mirror he would know I was once in his life. efrefu (rubbish)

  9. Anonymous

    May 7, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    Poor soul. This could have been me….I dared African culture and societal pressure and walked. Kids and I are better than we could ever be. I wish his new wife all the luck she can get.

    • Jane A.

      May 9, 2016 at 11:08 am

      Proud of u….a lot of pple need to “dare African culture and walk”

  10. sista

    May 7, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    …when I hear of people choosing to stay in violence ridden marriages, only one question comes to mind,
    “Don’t they love themselves”?
    if this story is true, the deceased has done her children a great disservice by staying in the marriage and eventually leaving them as orphans.

  11. Toese

    May 7, 2016 at 3:59 pm

    Chai!

  12. Jules

    May 7, 2016 at 3:59 pm

    So sad….. short of words.

  13. Segi

    May 7, 2016 at 4:02 pm

    Oh BN, how I love you so… thank you so much for not posting the picture of her corpse; you’re a class act!
    All ye’ ‘War room’ advocates continue to pray in the battle zone… won kin kan eran mo eran ki Ikeji kan pa… kotinu!

    • Ajala & foodie

      May 7, 2016 at 11:43 pm

      I am confused by those using this as an opportunity to bash a movie (war room) that had NOTHING to do with abuse. The hero and heroine in the movie yes had marital issues but abuse never came in to play in their relation. so, if anyone is asking people in an abusive relationship to use this as an excuse to stay then that is on them. War room had a valid message but if we decide to twist the message around for our selfish gain or motive, the issue is the people not the movie or the message the writer tried to pass across. People have been in the business of twisting the Bible, Qur’an even proverbs to suit their own selfish purposes and not the intended message it was made for. I mean you see it all the time in journalism, that does not make the passage or the saying wrong. War room had a great message but the message was not that people should remain and pray in an abusive relationship. For crying out loud, you can pray from afar. No, the problem is not the movie or even advocates of the movie but with those who have taken a beautiful message and tried using it has a crutch for their weaknesses or bad decisions. Btw although I have seen the movie, I am yet to recommend it to ANYONE before someone thinks I am one of those. I feel many movies have great messages even secular ones.

    • Lola

      May 8, 2016 at 1:09 pm

      My thoughts exactly!!!!

    • nike

      May 8, 2016 at 1:39 pm

      so true that proverb Is the truth. so sad

  14. Ojasweb

    May 7, 2016 at 4:04 pm

    So sad she lost her life to someone she vowed for. I hope the man get the right justice he deserves.

  15. sista

    May 7, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    …your spouse can choose to be violent but you owe it to yourself to keep you alive by running from him/her. no amount of prison term can bring back the dead.
    #KeepYourselfAlive

  16. Toba

    May 7, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    This is indeed heartbreaking. I hope they find this monster. This is one of the many reasons you “date” and spend a good amount of time to study, understand, know, and learn from your partner before jumping into any marriage, cos once u’re in, many find it hard to get out due to a lot of reasons. Nowadays, I see people talking marriage within 2 months of knowing each other. IMO it’s impossible for such marriage to work.. only time will tell. Very unfortunate. How will these kids handle this? Smdh. RIP woman

    • Kanyin

      May 7, 2016 at 7:06 pm

      I know a couple that dated for 10 years!!! And they still have serious trouble in their marriage.
      My point is, It doesn’t matter how long you date or know the person. Some men/women become completely different people after they get married. I just pray none of us get into such horrible traps.
      It is possible to see the signs and ignore them and it is also possible to miss it altogether.
      I won’t blame her for making the mistake of marrying a violent and abusive man. I can only blame her for remaining in the dangerous situation. Unfortunately I can’t blame her even if I wanted to because the deed has been done. It’s too late to lay blames. Lord have mercy!

    • gbam!

      May 8, 2016 at 8:06 am

      D length of period ppl date does not determine a happy marriage FYI. These days,some men pretend a great lot. No woman wishes 2 live happily Never after n some don’t see it coming.the best advice u can gv a woman/man is to leave d danger zone. Some women don’t realize dt war room was acted n reality is far from dt.plz women,use ur head.u can fast n pray from a distance.it dosent hv to be in d closet biko

  17. Jay

    May 7, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    BN not you too. Why show the faces of the children? Don’t you have blurr effect? This is not good at all.

  18. Suga

    May 7, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    Chai! Another marital pathetic story. The man must be unbelievably heartless to have left her body for the children to discover. Only God knows what really she had suffered. Let’s see how long the husband will run for, I pray he pays with his own blood too. RIP Ronke!

  19. @edDREAMZ

    May 7, 2016 at 4:18 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    No wonder his face looks like a burnt offering…..
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

  20. Run my sister

    May 7, 2016 at 4:20 pm

    Please always seek help the moment the abuse leads to beating,mainly from your immediate family,Religious leaders may preach endurance,Run if he raises his hand on you,young guys have multiple girl friends before getting married,so you are sure if one woman leaves,you can attract another,don’t fall into stupid love,in America over a period of 5years,more than fifty Nigerian men have killed there wives/partner,they will surely die in jail no talk.

  21. Titi

    May 7, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    This could have been me.. But GOD!

  22. Reni

    May 7, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    I can’t believe that in the first half of your post you’re blaming her! You stupid idiot!

  23. Fola Coco

    May 7, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    Marriage is not that deep,yes it is a beautiful thing,if you are with your Bone.. Staying on,fasting and praying whilst still getting beat up day after day,doesn’t help. Packing your things and leaving is the only solution,this way you can still be a mother to your kids.
    Why why why why why do we love stupidly? Why don’t we have the courage to exit? Why do we wait till it ends in death,or we are maimed,disfigured etc.. Why do our pastors keep preaching madam stay,madam hold on,madam God is behind the patient,madam keep praying for him,God will change him.
    Why do our mother’s say Ronke keep praying,Ronke remember you have children so stay,Ronke i endured worse o,but look at me now your father has changed. Why why why? How many more have to die? Where is the society now? The society that says stay things will get better,the society that looks down on a woman who packed her things from her marital home. The society that forces marriage on single women,pushes us almost some times to the point of choosing the wrong man…Mainly because everyone is in a haste to see us be a Mrs……The society that looks down on a divorcee….Why do we love so hard,sometimes to our own detriment? Who is raising these monsters called men?
    I know it’s not often easy for the abused to leave,but please find the strength to leave. Talk to someone,confide in someone.
    Prayer is good,but everything pray pray pray,haba…Did she not pray enough?

    Rest in peace beautiful lady. Time for our pastors to start speaking the truth,which is leave woman…Time for our pastors to start helping women pack their things out of homes of men like this…Time to hold people accountable,she must have confided in someone…Time for people to start speaking a language different from PRAY/PRAYER.

    #AdvocateOfDivorce #HowUnfortunate #SoSad
    She stayed in marriage at what cost? Her life!!!!
    Not worth it my sisters,there’s no special place in heaven for those who stayed on in a Violent Marriage.

  24. Ybbil

    May 7, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    I actually thought Bellanaija wont carry this story. Been refreshing since. Women, let the first time be the last. Walk!!!

  25. chizzy

    May 7, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    Malachi 2: 16 …….God says …..I hate divorce and marital separation and he who COVERS his (garment) wife with VIOLENCE……reading from the amplified version. Do you know that a lot of people have never seen this in the bible before? So God hates domestic violence/abuse as much as he hates divorce! A lot of people are so ignorant of it. They will say to the hurting woman ‘God hates divorce’ and will never complete it. Its so sad! People study your bibles and live by it!!!

    • molarah

      May 7, 2016 at 7:04 pm

      Exactly! In fact, that passage starts with God accusing a man (or men?) of “dealing treacherously with the wife of your youth”. So these pastors advising the wives to stay and pray are either half-baked or have malicious intent. I can’t wait for the call for MEN to start praying to save their marriages will start. The whole situation dey irritate me…God rest this woman’s soul and protect her kids.

  26. Rafaella

    May 7, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    Whenever I read stories about domestic violence, I always ask myself: What on earth will make a man so mad at his wife that he would raise his hand on her? Now this man beat his wife to the extent of killing her. Instead of him to be remorseful, he had the guts to run away. How will he be at peace when he knows fully that he killed a soul that he never created? I mean a soul that he can never ever create. If you had enough of her, why not seek for a divorce rather than killing her. You made these innocent kids motherless, do you think that they will forgive you when they realize that you killed their mom?
    R.I.P RONKE!!! To my ladies, this is Jet Age. Please don’t endure any form of abuse abeg. Maybe you decide to stay because of your kids. Abeg grab your precious life and that of you kids and seek for help from the right authorities.
    As for this Lekan, SMH FOR YOU because I know that when you are caught, you will be like “I LOVE MY WIFE SO MUCH, I NEVER THOUGHT OF KILLING HER, IT WAS THE DEVIL’S HANDIWORK”

  27. Men should be polygamist

    May 7, 2016 at 4:49 pm

    RIP,very sad,parents should groom there young boys to be disciplined and patient,get another wife or girlfriend, it will help you to tolerate the sharp mouth at home,most polygamist don’t kill there wives,too much entitlement and lack of self control is bad,far better than killing,my sisters please total respect is important,timing is important when you need to talk.

    • ann

      May 7, 2016 at 5:25 pm

      I’m sorry but your comment is ridiculous! So if a woman has an opinion or if she is upset and let’s her husband know, it gives him the right to hit her, hurt her and potentially kill her.
      However, if a man insults his wife or raises his voice, she should remain mute.
      The problem in naija is the way boys are raised, which I am glad you pointed out.

      People forget marriage is a partnership (50-50) not some weird math as people have been saying the last couple of weeks. What is missing in marriages is mutual respect and love. Shebi, we all like quoting Bible, if you love your neighbor as yourself would you kill, hit, hurt, maim, embarrass, insult your spouse (man or woman).

      However, people enjoy hiding under the shroud of the Bible and culture and defining what a man or woman’s place is in society. God never put limitations on anyone!!! It is fear!!! What will a woman do if she becomes president? What will a woman do if she inherits her father’s property when he dies? What will a woman do if she can get her passport without the consent of her father or spouse. (Which is why that bride price nonsense needs to be extinct like dinosaurs because the “woman” becomes the property of the husband’s compound abi). After all, that’s why when women get married they pray to the high heavens to have a son because a girl is a secondary class citizen (The irony of it all, when there are couples who cannot conceive)

      When I read and hear comments like this, it is fear! After all, Jesus was crucified because Pharisees were scared of someone who redefined and showed mercy and love.

    • naijalikita

      May 7, 2016 at 9:40 pm

      Abeg, if marriage is 50-50, where is the couple putting the other 50? Marriage is 100-100!

    • CovertNigerian

      May 7, 2016 at 5:50 pm

      Wow! Are you just trolling or is this an honestly held opinion?

    • JustMyComment

      May 7, 2016 at 5:50 pm

      I’d like to believe that you meant well with your comment, but insinuating that the blame for abuse lies on the woman is part of the problem. Women should be careful of timing when they need to talk? Men should have multiple relationships outside of marriage? Your type of mindset is all wrong. The husband in this case was clearly in the wrong and MURDEROUS. End of discussion. Doesn’t matter what his wife may have done to “provoke” him. Stop blaming abused women for what their spouse does to them. She is the victim. A dead victim at that.

  28. Jay

    May 7, 2016 at 4:50 pm

    Please stop showing the faces of the innocent children.

  29. Sika

    May 7, 2016 at 4:51 pm

    This isn’t me being tribaliatic this is just my observation. Of course I could be wrong.
    What is it about Yoruba men that makes them so violent and/or wicked in relationships? Is it the entitlement they are brought up with? Why do they have disregard for women? Also, what is it about Yoruba women that they keep ” submitting” to these monsters. Why can’t you people just fuck it and leave ? Is it by force to marry? Who gives a damn if society ie your family members and friends laugh at you or judge you? This is becoming a mental case.. It’s madness. Yoruba mothers have raised their sons wrongly- they don’t do shit and believe as a “man” any woman should take what they dish out ! Such an entitled lot. Meanwhile the women Slave away both on the kitchen, boardroom and even bedroom. They can cheat eh? And their women will look the other way. Is it worth it? All these Instagram perfect family pictures will not fool anyone. If they are beating you please leave! You are beautiful, you are strong, you will find a man who will love and cherish you – with kids or not! You can still be happy! To hell with society and its death sentence. I’m so sad. Sigh

    • dupsy

      May 7, 2016 at 5:22 pm

      You are so right Sika, most of our Yoruba men treat their women like rags and slaves ( not all of them but most of them). They have been brought up with this stupid mindset from their parents ( both mom and dad) that a wife or woman is worthless and can be abused. If you look at other Nigerian tribes like the Igbo men and the Hausa men, you would notice that on the average ( not in all cases, but much higher than Yoruba men) they treat their women better than their Yoruba counterparts. No wonder the average Yoruba woman is so industrious and independent because she knows her man doesn’t care about her or even their children! Even in relationships, our Yoruba men still have a long way to go knowing how to be sincere and treat their women with a lot of respect, it is this downright abusive attitude that makes them to date and marry so many women at the same time ( hence the term Yoruba demons) and they see nothing wrong with it. Have you seen so many average Igbo men having so many wives and girlfriends scattered all over the place like our average Yoruba men? It is a pity that our mothers are the ones who keep telling us to stay in very violent and abusive marriages. I really blame this lady’s family because they too caused her death, I am sure many times she must have gone crying to them after this violent man beat her black and blue, they must have been the ones advising her to stay with the man! It is really so sad!

    • Bola

      May 7, 2016 at 6:53 pm

      You mean like Igbo men that won’t even allow you women inherit properties from your father’s? Be deceiving yourselves,all tribes across Nigeia have a bad attitude towards women and that’s the real issue

    • I_I

      May 9, 2016 at 12:34 pm

      Aunty Ode . . . it apprently runs across board -http://chukseoluigbo.blogspot.com.ng/2011/05/again-why-are-igbo-men-in-usa-killing.html

    • Anonymous

      May 7, 2016 at 5:54 pm

      Oh please stop with the nonsense, many Nigerian tribes raised their men to be self entitled, i lived in the East for quite some time and Igbo men are the most misogynistic and disrespectful people to women i’ve seen and there wasn’t any day you won’t hear one man beating his wife but i won’t come here with any lowkey tribalistic comment because i know better than that. And I’m not Yoruba just incase you were thinking.

    • Passingby

      May 7, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      Where I come from if a man raises his hand on his wife hmmmmmmm! If she no get brother at least the young umunna will mobilise and beat the last piece of goat shit out of that husband.

    • nene

      May 7, 2016 at 8:01 pm

      but they dont kill their wives! and they work very hard to provide for thier family as opposed to yoruba men who just like to turn up and enjoy life, yet demand to be treated like kings

    • Anon

      May 7, 2016 at 11:15 pm

      Spot…I am igbo..anambra to be precise…oh my God.they are soo disrespectful..my hubby once told me that we can’t have 2 masters in our house…I was like huhhhh master,Lord what are you? Foh boy.

    • Anonymous

      May 7, 2016 at 11:24 pm

      @Passingby i stayed in Anambra and know from Onitsha, Obosi down to Ihiala, i never saw anyone step in to stop anything, domestic violence is not tribal, because if we were to go that way with it Igbo men will come first in my book.

    • dips

      May 7, 2016 at 8:00 pm

      Now you are very SICK for ever bringing tribe and tribal issues to this conversation. Someone’s dead and you are linking it to tribe.

    • Bey

      May 7, 2016 at 9:58 pm

      My dear i am Yoruba and married to a Yoruba man.
      Before him I dated two Igbo guys and they both ended rather badly. With the latter guy even slapping me before I took my leave. He had this sense of entitlement, like he bout me.
      That even if we are talking and I say I need to take a bath, he will say I give you 15mins to do that. And I shld get back on d fine. I may forget and sleep, and it becums a huge argument. How abt him saying he wants to see me a particular day and time, and I say I’m sorry can’t make it
      The next thing is, I shld be ready to see him, anytime he requires me to.
      If I asked for 1m dis minute, d guy wld give me o. I don’t even ask he wld just say take 50/100k and hold. But I was like a slave.
      RIP Ronke, domestic violence is no respecter of tribe, social class, or level of education or exposure.

    • Bey

      May 7, 2016 at 10:00 pm

      *fone

  30. Sika

    May 7, 2016 at 4:53 pm

    *in the kitchen, boardroom and bedroom.

  31. mr and mrs smith

    May 7, 2016 at 4:57 pm

    How did a beautiful angel of a woman like this end up this ‘mukaila’ looking guy? Sad Sad Sad story.
    Poor kids, they are more or less orphans now. Chai, There is God o

  32. Someonecute

    May 7, 2016 at 5:07 pm

    If you are a victim of domestic violence suffering in silence, pls I beg you in the name of whatever God you serve. Leave immediately. I didn’t know when I started crying for these kids. Even if you want to die there, pls think of your kids. The thought that their dad killed their mum is going to read in their minds for the rest of their lives. The dad will be caught and arrested and these kids would be shuffled from one relative to the other. Pls mothers out there, I beg you pls. It’s better to be divorced than to live in fear and war all the time with your husband. Please! Erase your mind of what our screwed-up African society thinks about divorce. Don’t stay there and be praying for him to change. Please!

  33. Me

    May 7, 2016 at 5:07 pm

    God rest this poor woman soul!.

    But Ladies, please let us talk to ourselves. How are we raising our sons that they behave like animals like this? When from a young age you let a boy feel he does not need to do household chores, does not need to run errands etc, they grow up thinking they are God’s gift to mankind!

    This entitled attitude translates in every area of their lives when they grow up!. The become heartless, selfish politicians, husbands, fathers!.

    Teach your sons that the only value he has as a man, is his ability to earn the respect of,protect, love, provide for, (not just financially). All these entitled buffoons roaming around…God have mercy.

    • chichi

      May 7, 2016 at 6:14 pm

      @me Preach!! If your son has complete entitlement to everything before he leave your household, remember that’s how you are giving him to a wife, she has to work with that. She may not be perfect but as always she will be flexible as woman generally are but there is a limit. Dont give your sons away untrained

  34. naijamess

    May 7, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    May her soul rest in peace, pls women run and seek help, dont listen to families advising you to bear the pain in silent, bullshit traditional rules, dont listen to pastors. Its a pity that in Nigeria women in abusive relationship are left to carry thier own cross.

  35. Teju TJ

    May 7, 2016 at 5:23 pm

    Why do women keep saying: i took vows till death do us part. Shebi now, the death has done you part. Who stay and pray epp?
    Watch his family say it is aye people that are doing him. Abi that, she did not listen to him that his why he beat her to death. Such a shame that such a beautiful life will be over. She is dead and he will continue his living his life.

  36. Easy to generalise

    May 7, 2016 at 5:25 pm

    @ Sika,very easy to generalise,but you don’t know anything about marriage,your opinion to me is total useless,the very moment you brought tribe into the matter,Did you read about the incident in Enugu yesterday when a woman with the help of the boyfriend dismembered the husband?They where not Yorubas,Well you know your type,your name means happy fool.

  37. concerned9a

    May 7, 2016 at 5:26 pm

    @Sika why bring tribe into this…any unstable 9ja man of any tribe is capable of this and did you say Yoruba women are submissive??…Plzz..they actually buck the trend compared to others..probably tolerate other women but submissive??
    Back to the matter what makes a man beat a woman..got to be a weak..insecure..unstable..being..and probably has beaten up women in previous relationships..
    Nothing to do with marriage if so 90% of all brides would be dead..
    But women please don’t condone or make excuses..these “men” hardly change..RIP..
    And Bella..just class for not posting the dead pic..some of these bloggers be getting real desperate.

  38. TeamJenny

    May 7, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    Kadara, there is nothing wrong in telling a married woman to watch “War Room”

  39. Fola Coco

    May 7, 2016 at 5:28 pm

    Even when it doesn’t end in death and a woman endures it till forever,she has raised boys who will also beat their wives,that’s what they saw their father do…She will raise girls who will accept to be treated like crap,timid,low self worth,low self esteem. Girls who will become women who associate love to mean a man beating them up,women who will not be able to stand up for themselves. Etc
    Woman,you are better of raising your children as a single mother. Than children who will be emotionally and psychologically imbalanced..
    Staying on is not only destroying your life,your psyche,but that of your children. Emotional,physical,verbal abuse etc is wrong and dangerous to be in…

    To those ladies whose boyfriends have started slapping them,insulting them,using derogatory and condescending words on you..Those whose boyfriends have a temper and lashes out at any little thing….And you are saying it’s my fault,he will change when we marry…My dear he will not,it will only be amplified when he puts a ring on it…
    There’s more to life than procreation and marriage. I have not seen anywhere in the bible where God said you MUST marry,or STAY there and die there.,or STAY there and loose your mind.
    I know a man can change after marriage,but i also believe there are always signs and hand writings on the [email protected] time of courtship… We just choose to ignore those signs.

  40. Easy to generalise

    May 7, 2016 at 5:32 pm

    @ dupsy and silka or sickler,You both need your head to be checked,you tribal bigot,how many Yoruba families are you friends with?In Yoruba land women have the same inheritance right like the men,they are respected with age,we don’t count male children as being superior to the ladies.you are sick no one is fooled we know you are both from the same tribe

  41. Dr K

    May 7, 2016 at 5:34 pm

    I don’t understand the war room links in some of the comments, I even tell ppl to watch war room, in that movie the man never hit her. If anyone hits, then do war room away from that person abi. It’s a great movie about the POWER OF PRAYER. To kneel down and pray will mean one has place to actually kneel. So referencing war room as if it is a movie about staying and praying while being beaten is wrong. Please anyone in domestic abuse situation (man or woman), leave for your peace and life. God loves you and does not condemn you to a lifetime of, or death by, beating. Love yourself. Pray always. Walk away and continue praying.

  42. Yimu

    May 7, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    Just like that fool praying for my ex all the way from Nigeria. Desperate to marry a man abroad. A man you do not know. Welcome to hell desperado. I laugh in spanish. All these I must marry and stay marry. The ex is even built like a laborer, with hands that can reconstruct any face without surgery. Highly temperamental and almost violent. O, I know he can beat women at a moment’s notice. I saw the signs and took off.

  43. Easy to generalise

    May 7, 2016 at 5:37 pm

    You children of hate,food is ready,we know your upbringing breads hate,but you will only die a negative death if you can’t broaden your heart to see that domestic violence is not limited to tribe,tribal bigots ranting over a tribe,the news come out more because we have more journalist in the southwest.

    • Sika

      May 7, 2016 at 7:38 pm

      Okay! Now you sound absolutely ridiculous. Which one is children of hate? Lmao! Damn! People have issues in this life sha. Kai

  44. Yimu

    May 7, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    Actually Yoruba women are the least tolerant in marriage. A lot of Yoruba men are raised very wrongly. You have that right. Their families don’t see much in their promiscuity because they are male. I agree with you on that. In fact some of their mother’s encourage it. I am Yoruba by the way, and thankfully I come from a family where such was not encouraged of my brother’s.

  45. Mdevaan

    May 7, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    So sad…. Cant get over how beautiful she was…

  46. mela

    May 7, 2016 at 5:48 pm

    RIP Ronke. …….wish u had listened to the voice of reason. Pls parents and future parents we hv the opportunity to train our sons right…..God gave it to us…..let us use it oh!

  47. Adeola

    May 7, 2016 at 5:55 pm

    @ Sika and dupsy we know you are the same person,please take your medicine,you are not yourself without them,if all you see in domestic violence is tribal issue,Am a proud Yoruba man with no apologies.You need to get out of your shell and meet people with class.the Yorubas I know are level headed,hardworking,honest,and God fearing.

    • Sika

      May 7, 2016 at 6:56 pm

      Oga. Please I am not dupsy I am Sika. I am not saying all Yoruba people are like this. But there is a reason Yoruba demons exist. This isn’t a tribal war it’s just an observation. no need to get emotional jo oh

    • dupsy

      May 7, 2016 at 9:33 pm

      Adeola omo karo ojiire bi!

      I am dupsy and I am Yoruba and I am not Sika!

  48. eva

    May 7, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    he has been doing it for years and she chose to stay and die?? beautiful. Well done. The world doesn’t need stupid and weak people. He has Ben hitting you and u chose to stay and cover face abi?? I hope u have a nice stay in heaven or hell. The world is too populated anyway.

    • Anonymous

      May 7, 2016 at 6:55 pm

      May the good Lord give you happiness and peace. She died in tragic circumstance and that is all you can say about her?

  49. Sad

    May 7, 2016 at 6:01 pm

    Those bloggers posting the picture of the corpse have no empathy at all. Desperadoes

  50. eva

    May 7, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    he has been doing it for years and she chose to stay and die?? beautiful. Well done. The world doesn’t need stupid and weak people. He has Been hitting you and u chose to stay and cover face abi?? I hope u have a nice stay in heaven or hell. The world is too populated anyway.

  51. chichi

    May 7, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    This woman was beautiful and could probably have any man she wants and be anything he may of told her she cant be and that’s why he killed her because she could be brilliant and better than him. Insecurity is a bad disease. Men beat woman they can control especially knowing that she has great potential in life. And they beat their woman because they are incredibly weak.

  52. LL

    May 7, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    most women that seem to endure abusive marriages is because they do not have the money to start again, most of them depend on their husbands financially so they fear if they leave how will they pay house rent, school fees etc,
    they are not really worried about what society would say, some might not have a relative or someone to stay with when they leave, for example the lady in the post Late Mrs Ronke was actually planning to leave her abusive husband but guess it came too late.
    there should be an active law that can fully investigate domestic violence and immediately jail the abusive person and make sure they are tagged ex-convict even if the jail sentence is for a few months, this will put fear into alot of men before they abuse their wives.
    also women need to quickly start empowering themselves financially in marriage, even if your husband refuse to allow you get a job or refuse to give you business money, start saving small small from chop money or from any house keeping money or dash money you get, the small money you start saving now can save you when the time comes

  53. Seun

    May 7, 2016 at 6:18 pm

    RIP,love makes one do foolish things and tolerate a lot of none sense,especially when children are involved,but please women should expose him once he raise his hand against you,and for the tribal name checkers am sorry for you,

  54. madam

    May 7, 2016 at 6:18 pm

    RIP Ronke. So many women stay back and endured all the abuses bc of shalter,what to hold on to and whom to run to. Plenty of women in nigerian can’t even afford transportation to move their belongings and money to feed their children thereafter. it is time for every woman to sit up,go out their and work, look for little trading to empower yourself. Do not wait untill it happen. Especially when you know your husband is an abusive type BC we do know from the very first begining.

  55. JEGAism

    May 7, 2016 at 6:48 pm

    May her gentle soul rest in peace, and may God console her kids and her family. Besides praying her devil of a husband is caught and locked up for life, I’m thinking it’s a good thing Tiwa walked. #sober

  56. Sika

    May 7, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    Why the insult Aunty? What has inheritance rights got to do with killing a spouse. My dear be focused.

  57. Kanyin

    May 7, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    I know a couple that dated for 10 years!!! And they still have serious trouble in their marriage.
    My point is, It doesn’t matter how long you date or know the person. Some men/women become completely different people after they get married. I just pray none of us get into such horrible traps.
    It is possible to see the signs and ignore them and it is also possible to miss it altogether.
    I won’t blame her for making the mistake of marrying a violent and abusive man. I can only blame her for remaining in the dangerous situation. Unfortunately I can’t blame her even if I wanted to because the deed has been done. It’s too late to lay blames. Lord have mercy!

  58. Sika

    May 7, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    Erm – why don’t I know anything about marriage ? Of course you assume I am not married? I am married but what has being married got to do with having common sense? I never said only Yorubas are abusive but the way their men are raised does contribute to they way they treat women. Of course not all Yoruba men are like this but heck, majority are( cheating, lying and conniving with some being extremely abusive and wife beaters).. I’m sure there are other tribes that beat their wives up. It just so happens that the Yoruba ones make the headlines – like that one that removed his wife’s intestines and breasts. Come on!

    • Na wa

      May 7, 2016 at 11:13 pm

      Please shut it and stop making moronic statements all over the place. That is how you folks will single-handedly derail a thread. This post is not about you and bigoted thoughts.

  59. Cee

    May 7, 2016 at 7:08 pm

    Please people do not stay in any abuse relationship. It’s not just the physical abuse that kills.

  60. Na wa

    May 7, 2016 at 7:08 pm

    And some block heads keep advising women in abusive marriages to remain there and keep praying because one special anointing and fire will descend from heaven suddenly and envelope him to change. I’m a christian who does not support divorce but I strongly support separation until it is safe enough to cohabit again. War room is a wonderful movie but everybody’s story is different. And those saying a woman who is beaten because she spoke one way or the other or because she’s not submissive enough, I pray you or your daughters won’t end up with an abusive man, then you’ll know it has little or nothing to do with that. Violent abusive men are mentally unstable. It is not until you have long dirty dread locks that you are insane. Because the bible says two shall become one, so if a man beats his wife, he is definitely insane as he is beating himself. And you my I must marry by fire by force sisters, marriage is not the answer to your problems. If he is abusive and all you think about is marriage, just write your will early because he will eventually kill you physically or mentally.

  61. Sika

    May 7, 2016 at 7:18 pm

    Na wa o! You call me sick? Why insults? Jeez! You don’t have to agree with me that’s fine, but all this aggression is just so weird. Again, I am not dupsy and why would you think we are from the same tribe? I am not Igbo I am from the middle belt area and dupsy sounds Yoruba. Do her own opinions not count? Of course she can’t be Yoruba because she agrees with me – we both have to be the same tribe? I’m guessing you think I’m Igbo. Lmao. You have Issues clearly.

    • Tribalism is stupid

      May 7, 2016 at 10:07 pm

      Sika, my middle-belt ex-boyfriend beat me till I passed out. After he dragged me to the door and slammed it on my head then left. His parent’s steward is the one who rushed me to hospital. This was 2 years ago and I still feel pain. Never in my life have I said its a tribal issue. You sound as stupid as those who heard and asked why I went to date “those people” as if they are not human beings.

    • Shhh

      May 7, 2016 at 11:15 pm

      Bigot, go and sleep! Can only just imagine how you will raise your kids, obviously to be bigoted like you, what a shame you are even trying to defend your initial post. That dupsy agreed with you doesn’t make any difference, you both have warped senses.

    • BlueEyed

      May 8, 2016 at 8:40 am

      You know I kinda agree with Sika and Dupsy, why is it mostly with Yoruba men? Look at it, the northerners the easterners and the southerners, all pale in comparison to the westerners when it comes to domestic abuse and the feeling entitlement thing. It’s only a full blown Yoruba man that will be sitted at home, enjoying the bacon his wife is bringing home, still demanding sex when he wants it and will raise his hands to beat his wife while still cheating on her. Have it in mind that these Yoruba men can’t even defend the same woman if she was in a spat with another man, yet their hands are ever ready to beat women

    • Anonymous

      May 9, 2016 at 2:57 am

      It is not a yoruba thing. In the US, there are more cases of igbo men killing their wives. It is a nigerian problem. Stop the tribalism nonsense.

  62. concerned9a

    May 7, 2016 at 7:18 pm

    I would encourage couples to pray together in the morning and before going to bed….you not only spiritually bonded but soothes and calms the soul..couples would argue no doubt even twins do argue… but no matter how mad you are….you check yourselves before coming to the Lord…

  63. Vic

    May 7, 2016 at 7:24 pm

    Took my time to read all the comments and I’m pleased.why do we think about what people will say and stay in such abuse?i walked out with my head held high and its the best decision ever,Rest Ronke

  64. Olanna&Odenigbo

    May 7, 2016 at 7:26 pm

    So i’m just gonna go off on a limb a bit here and share tips i learned from ladies in my life who made these choices…..

    The first day your man/woman raises hand to hit you should be his/her last……you can do 1 of two: LEAVE or RESPOND- with an exaggerated action….never an equal one… I will focus on men abusers as that’s the experience i know of…

    The only thing a man fears/regards is someone he believes is above him….so if he believes he has crase, you return with a crase above his, one he has never seen before…. the day he slaps you and you respond with a gun to his face or pestle to his head, he will respect himself and find where to place his anger next time… if you can, first strive to protect yourself from further pounds/scaring and gain some calm/balance/control before respondin even if you need sometime to do that …. you inflict better physical and/or mental pain not enough to kill, but enough to SHOCK, scar, and be remembered forever….. and then you can pray for, and treat him yourself, afterwards.

    Apply shock therapy as needed- male or female, that said, i will refrain from further comments, since bellanaija is still speculating….. from what i read, nothing is confirmed. Plus these comments have been overflogged… some people will only learn after their spirits attend their own funeral, to see people who never cared, pretend to weep around their lifeless body!

    • Mama

      May 8, 2016 at 7:53 am

      So say you respond with a pestle to his head and he slumps and dies, how do you explain to the world that you were only trying to respond with an “exaggerated” action? More violence is not the answer. It is not written anywhere that only men can kill women. Simply advice, FLEE, RUN, LEAVE, PARK OUT, EVACUATE!

  65. Sika

    May 7, 2016 at 7:37 pm

    Thank you! At least for not insulting me like that madam ” easy to generalise” up there.

  66. m

    May 7, 2016 at 7:43 pm

    People, abuse has not, is and will never be about tribe. Mothers I beg you in the name of whosoever you hold dear to bring up your children RIGHT!!! Charity begins at home. She can cook and he can’t? He can put on the Gen and she can’t? She should be reading while he is out gallivanting? The list is endless. We are all crying woe but the truth is DON’T BLAME ANYONE FOR YOUR BAD ATTITUDE. Change it!!! Please manage your temper and reactions. And be FREAKIN’ wise

    • m

      May 8, 2016 at 8:57 pm

      We are all just dwelling on physical abuse. What about the times he/she has cheated and rubbed it in your face? Or told you you were not good enough, yet you accept them when they come crying back. Remember people it was during courtship and you swallowed it all. Please dearies, the signs are always there biting us in the ass but we choose to ignore them. Those harsh words might lead to a slap in the future. 2ndly, the length of courtship don’t matter; 2 days, 2 months, 2 yrs etc. What will work will work. Stop making excuses for your partner’s attitude and thinking you can change him/her. Are you the Holy spirit? Be wise, independent and know when to call it quits(if necessary)
      #beguided

  67. nana esi

    May 7, 2016 at 7:57 pm

    Ain’t it time African women took self defence classes? As I’ve always told my mister…. my mams and papa never laid a finger on me… if you ever lay a hand on me… all I need to do is get my high heel and leave a mark on your forehead which you can go show your parents. Been drumming it in before marriage to any man I dated and I took kick boxing and karate lessons just to ensure I can defend my self anywhere anytime regardless of who wants to abuse me! Ladies….. I urge you all to at least take one self defence class…. it’s for your own good. We can’t live like this in this century!

  68. nene

    May 7, 2016 at 8:04 pm

    but is it worth it? God created u, why allow another human being take your life? why? marriage was never intended to be endured, and it is not a life sentence please.

  69. Olope

    May 7, 2016 at 8:05 pm

    Women should know what awaits them if they refuse to leave an abusive relationship.

    But… The man could be guilty of a lot, yes; however, there isn’t enough evidence yet to suggest that he beat her to death. I hope they conduct an autopsy. There is no obvious indication that she was beaten to death. She could have been strangled because her upper area isn’t clear from the pic, pushed, slipped and hit her head during the argument, etc.

    What facts we have are: the wife’s possibly lifeless body ended up on the ground, hUsband failed to call for help and was no where to be found when people came made away with her phone, and her phone is missing. The allegations gathered from third party statements include: The couple were heard fighting earlier, the wife had been physically abused by her husband on several occassions, the husband made away with her phone. What else could have happened include, yes they fought, he stormed out, she was running after him as he was storming out, but slipped and fell. He panicked, and made away. Could he have been kidnapped by criminials who first killed his wife? Maybe.

    He could be a scumbag, but let’s be sure first. It is a big reckless leap between the facts on ground and the allegation of “beaten to death.” Are the kids too young to say what happened? Couples quarrel, and it sometimes get loud that neigbhors would hear. It doesn’t always mean someone is being beaten.

    I hope no rabid person would hide under the umbrella of feminism to ask for my head. You can’t be more humanist than I am

  70. Vidavi

    May 7, 2016 at 8:18 pm

    Dear women,
    These men don’t just decide to turn violent after the wedding. There were probably signs before. God gave us intuition for a reason, use it. If a guy was shady before the wedding he will be shady after the wedding. Don’t think he will change once he gets married, that is never the case. Women please know your worth, what society thinks is less important that your life. If he dares to raise his hand to you, he is capable of killing you. It’s ok to leave, you can leave, you were ok before him, you will be ok after him.

    • Tribalism is stupid

      May 7, 2016 at 10:15 pm

      Don’t generalize. Some people pretend well. Others will even shout that wife-beaters should be shot but turn into wife-beaters after marriage. Circumstances change. A husband can lose his job and become insecure or angry. He can fall in love with another woman so his wife will start irritating him to the point where he can just slap her. Or it could be that he gets upset with the way the woman talks to him but was able to swallow it during dating but after marriage they live together in the same house so he might just snap. Just pray you don’t experience such. I pray that Ronke can RIP.

  71. Omobola

    May 7, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    This is sad, my mother is in an abusive marriage at almost 60 and she wouldn’t leave. I don’t know what to do. Please bella can you drop the aunty bella mail to send a mail. Thanks in anticipation.

  72. Tobereal

    May 7, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    @Sika or @dupsy..same writing style…u got your 5 mins of fame..now crawl back under the rock you came from…keep monitoring Yorubas biz yet you got this big log you need to remove from your eyes..
    Guess you were dumped or probs a dude who’s igbo chic was taken…

    • Sika

      May 7, 2016 at 11:06 pm

      And you my friend are an ode! Please read before writing rubbish. I am female and wasn’t dumped by any Yoruba man- I guess Dupsy was also dumped for having such views right? Ode! Also I am not a man whose Igbo chick was taken. Why Igbo though? Haha see how all you people always assume the worst – at least you have low key admitted that you Yoruba boys just can’t get enough of Igbo women. Hehe

  73. Kanayo

    May 7, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    As a guy if I hear you beat my sister, aunty Infact any female close to me me and my squad are coming to teach you a lesson you will never ever forget in a hot second . That’s the way we do it culturally. We do not never condon men beating on their women. This women did she not have men in her family?

  74. Anonymous

    May 7, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    Abuse, is abuse, in my opinion, once a man starts to abuse you verbally, mistreats you, it’s only a matter of time, there really is no need hanging around long enough for him to hit you. All these boils down to insecurity. Women flee, never ignore the signs. Never be afraid to leave any form of abusive relationship, physical or otherwise. You will survive with God on your side. Marriage is not a license to kill. Marriage isn’t worth your life. #stopdomesticviolence….

  75. Ariere

    May 7, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    leaving an abusive relationship/marriage isn’t just the solution. Use ur platform to draw attention to the Stigmatization and discrimination the Nigerian Society places on Divorced women and Other wemen who wanna opt out of their marriages.

    My friend who recently left her abusive husband is not in good terms with her own mother and sisters Cus she refused to ‘manage’ the situation and stay married. Worse yet, it was so difficult finding a new accommodation Cus most Landlords don’t rent houses to single or divorced ladies. Just sad!

    The Emotional fear of this overrides the logical reasoning of most women. They rather stay, suffer the pains and stife and for their children. They forget no child is happy seeing both parents in a bad marriage.

    Women pls leave emotions aside and use ur head..RIP to her…

    • Mama

      May 8, 2016 at 7:58 am

      Can you imagine? How does ones marital status concern Landlord? Nothing person no go hear for this country, hian!

    • Idomagirl

      May 8, 2016 at 6:14 pm

      Thank you!!! I was hoping to see a comment like yours.
      Everybody shouting “leave leave” as if they don’t know how badly our society treats unmarried women, especially single mothers.
      Even some of those commenting on this post have in the past & even presently made derogatory remarks about divorced & unmarried women.

      Just mistakenly type “marriage is not by force” & see the way they’ll descend on you…but when a woman dies like this, for the few days the news trends, they agree that it’s not by force, until a week passes & they go back to regular programming.

      Reading comments on Ronke’s tragic death and it’s sad that 90% of the comments are “why didn’t she leave?” how about, “why was he a violent brute?”

      “Why didn’t she leave?”
      Even in the most advanced societies where there are strong laws to protect women, it is difficult for abused women to walk away, how much more in a backward, patriarchal country like ours?

      Many women want to leave but they have nowhere to go.
      When even the police will tell you that your battered & bruised face is a “family matter”.
      When family & friends put extreme pressure on you to “forgive” and “make it work”.
      When in some cases your own family will ostracise you for “bringing shame” to them because you left.
      When your religious leader who can possibly talk some sense into him tells you to “go & be more submissive” and to keep praying.
      When he tells you that because of the way our system is, if you leave you’ll never see your children again & you know he means it.

      “Why didn’t she leave?”
      Do we have shelters for abused women?
      If we do how many are they?

      We need a system and ideological overhaul.
      Domestic violence will not end by simply screaming “leave!” at battered women.
      It takes a lot more than that.

  76. T

    May 7, 2016 at 9:40 pm

    Do you know the scary part?he left the lifeless body,with the blood and everything,with the children…HIS Children!!! those kids will be traumatised.

    Please,please and please,women,there’s really nothing wrong if you love yourself and do what’s best for YOU.Know what you want for YOU and do just that.I’m sure Ronke might have been advised to stay.i know this isn’t the same…but when I walked out of my 3 year. relationship because of series of cheating,someone whom I respect so much,told me to accept my cheating ex back.His words,” not all men will be faithful like I am to my wife,since he has shown seriousness to marry you,forgive him,maybe with time,he might change.Pray for him,i’m asking you to answer his calls and accept him back.” I told him NO. My father in heaven knows I wasn’t happy in that relationship,and I don’t think he wants me to be unhappy.Me,i know I don’t wanna be unhappy.He tried to talk me into it,but I stood my ground.i respect him till date,but on that issue?he was way off!

    All of you people that advised Ronke(maybe even her family members sef) to stay…I hope you sleep well at night.

  77. Folu

    May 7, 2016 at 9:47 pm

    @sika,if your pastor or mallam tells you theirs a Yoruba demon,his only collecting your money,people with your brain seize always believe in foolish tales,Am a proud Yoruba man,from a well respected home,and most of the Yorubas I know Are people of honour,tribal bigotry will only destroy you,take note.#Ignoramus

    • Sika

      May 7, 2016 at 11:01 pm

      @folu -My brain size* yet you can’t spell. You mean “there not their” – my dear chill with the insults. If all you people failed English comprehension class that’s not my fault. I didn’t say all Yoruba people neither did I say domestic abuse is a Yoruba only trait.. Read pls before you start your full Yoruba voltron attack. The fact is there is such a thing as a Yoruba demon. You might not be one doesn’t mean they do not exist.

  78. Ibi

    May 7, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    THank you for being respectful of her and not showing the picture of her dead and thank you for blocking out the children’s faces. It shows respect and not just being sensational

  79. Tribalism is stupid

    May 7, 2016 at 10:10 pm

    Sika, my middle-belt ex-boyfriend beat me till I passed out. After he dragged me to the door and slammed it on my head then left. His parent’s steward is the one who rushed me to hospital. This was 2 years ago and I still feel pain. Never in my life have I said its a tribal issue. You sound as stupid as those who heard and asked why I went to date “those people” as if they are not human beings.

  80. Iji

    May 7, 2016 at 10:41 pm

    I’ve noticed something….in the other comment section were Igbos were bashed for the female inheritance thing Igbos hardly even paid attention or responded but here Yorubas are all in voltron mode for for any perceived anti-Yoruba comment. Are Yorubas tribally sensitive or something? Interesting cultural differences sha….

    • Iji

      May 7, 2016 at 10:41 pm

      *where

  81. Anon

    May 7, 2016 at 10:56 pm

    It’s terribly sad…I remember the day I had an argument with my husband..he said I was lucky he is not a woman beater that I can’t try it with someone else…I was so pissed…so I told they cannot.. ..My father did not beat my mother and he never laid a finger on me..”.I looked him in the eyes and told him even in your dreams you cannot beat me.. anyday you want to flex your muscles order your coffin my elder brothers will kill u even though I will like to kill you myself”he was calm…

  82. Adaeze Writes

    May 7, 2016 at 10:56 pm

    May her soul find rest in God’s bosom. And may her husband find no peace even after he’s lived life and gone.

  83. Ada

    May 7, 2016 at 11:00 pm

    And the man will easily move on and another woman will raise the children your staying for…may God help us..i hve 3 sisters and if any jupiter touches anyone of us, he will regret the day he was born we don’t even need a man to go deal with it..RIP beautiful

  84. Shhh

    May 7, 2016 at 11:21 pm

    Sitka should hide her head in shame, she and every single person that liked her comment. Such mindsets are a good part of what is holding this country back, people sowing discord and disunity everywhere.

  85. Kelly

    May 7, 2016 at 11:52 pm

    What do you expect lol they beat you and cheat on you and you can’t even leave. You have to stay in the marriage lol. The amount of youroba men that are cheating on there wives lol it’s terrible. Good luck to you.

  86. Ab

    May 8, 2016 at 12:52 am

    Why are people so defensive with what Sika said….she did not make a one sided comment — she said some not all Yorubas and even the igbos some do take care of their wives but not all why are all d commentators so angry and bitter like its something y’all will doo but u just been busted ! If you were brought up in such a honourable family as u say or whatever you will make well balanced arguments in response to what Sika and the other person said…pls don’t come for me cause I won’t bother responding anyway….ladies and men like wise If it hurts so bad where u at (marriage), I always gun for a seperation, stay away with your kids and closer to ur family and people that genuinely care and love you, and from there seek healing, peace and pray for healing in ur marriage if it still doesn’t work then Atleast u know in ur heart that uve given it the best shot and walk away (divorce)…This day and age I ain’t gon die for some crazy person called a man.. A man who can’t handle his ishh is mental, and does not even deserve my time and affection!! Maybe if women started paying attention to the power they have , some of these men will wake up! Just the way some men think they can get a chick whenever they want, hunny u think a woman who takes good care of herself and uses her head can’t bag herself a man too if you as a man starts to act foolish or even better still (for some women oh) decide to stay unmarried and focus on their kids, business, career whilst maintaining healthy r/ship with men? Hmmm…..some men should pls wake up, the tides are turning ….RIp To this young woman – a mother /sister/friend !! As for this man (if truly he had a hand in killing her)….I doubt he will know peace, God must judge him not man ….Trust God’s judgement , I prefer it to man’s cause it’s deeeep! Hope he braces himself for it!!!!

  87. Ab

    May 8, 2016 at 12:55 am

    @what dupsy said rather …

  88. Dee

    May 8, 2016 at 1:12 am

    Chose to stay? Lol, more like her pastor and family told her to stay and keep praying while he continues to beat the shit out of her each day…but its probably her own fault, she probably didnt cook for him or iron his clothes or provoked him to anger by wearing short skirts to the office while she was putting food on the table (*sarcasm). I pity Nigerian women…pls shine ur eye well well..dont wait until he kills u before u pack your bags!!!

  89. Smackdown

    May 8, 2016 at 2:09 am

    Our society has created a situation where anything a man says or does overrides a woman’s rights. It’s time to change that because these life or death situations are getting to be too much.

  90. Deez

    May 8, 2016 at 7:53 am

    R.i.p Ronke Shonde.

  91. anon

    May 8, 2016 at 11:29 am

    RIP Ronke. I used to blame my neighbour(sister lola) for leaving her husband’s house. Ahhhh… Sisters, I beg u in d name of God, dnt stay in an abusive relationship/ marriage. The husband is a police officer, he used to beat d wife black and blue in d presence of his 2 daughters. The husband was nothing when he got married to sis lola, Sis lola was a banker then. When the husband got a police work, d poor sis resigned and started business. Hmm.. Bro Seyi changed completely. D last fight they had was serious. She is doing fine now. She left the man and got a bank work in dubai. She is taking good care of her kids now. I used to blame her before. Now I can say she took a BOLD step. If a police officer can lay a finger on his wife, how much more a civilian. I can boldly tell sisters out there to run frm abusive marriage. It’s so unfortunate that I dnt knw the man’s surname, I would have finished him on this social media and expose him to d government. He is a beast like this killer.

  92. Ozyy

    May 8, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    Chai, the innocent kids. may GOD help and see them through life. RIP Madam, Only GOD kws y she stayed in this day and time when we all know what domestic violence entails and the outcome. Mehn so sad. I just remember that banker in 2011 who was found dead with cuts…These stories are just too sad mehn.

  93. Bbed

    May 8, 2016 at 1:25 pm

    The man that will lay his hands on me has not yet been born! Whew! God help me that day! Foolish cowards that have no self control. The only love they should be getting is AGAPE from God himself! It’s really not that deep to be in relationship. Verbal or physical abuse is a no-no please! From both sides of course. Sharp Mouth this and sharp mouth that! Did u not know that before marrying her? Does your mother not have “sharp mouth?” Did your father beat her? (Maybe he did sef) smh. All these ratchet men with no home training. Now those kids are left as orphans pretty much! Please walk away from any verbal or physical relationship while u can! Marriage will not solve those issues! Why can’t people understand this? And a place like Nigeria that still looks down on women as accomplishing nothing if not married that they settle for pathetic excuses for a “man”. The whole system needs help smh This life!

  94. nike

    May 8, 2016 at 1:41 pm

    Ha. this is the most disheartening news. Father please give ppl strength to leave abusive marriages. it’s so not worth it. Do it for your kids please. Ronke rip. so painful

  95. Girlsaide

    May 8, 2016 at 1:55 pm

    Its sad !!!!!but as women it is becoming more imperative to be self sufficient. Most women stay in abusive relationship because they cannot feed themselves and children. In africa the pride associated with marriage is huge and some are unwilling to loose it or face. So I ask save face or save you life? I take life anyday
    Marriage is a union of mutual benefit once one party feels left behind the union is watery. In all when there is life there is always love and hope and for men that have anger issues sort it out before settling down. We must teach our daughters to be strong mentally, financially and emotionally and stop pressurizing them to marry by force. Read more girl benefiting tip on our blog. girlsaide.com

  96. Girlsaide

    May 8, 2016 at 2:00 pm

    girlsaide.com/violence-against-girls-women-sad-reality/. It is happening all over again .

  97. Idomagirl

    May 8, 2016 at 6:16 pm

    #RIPRonke

  98. momaa

    May 8, 2016 at 9:52 pm

    A lot of people live in Lagos largely populated by yorubas and think domestic violence is more amongst yoruba. I have lived in the north for up to 10 years and believe me its huge. Infact culturally its norm for men to ‘DISCIPLINE THEIR WIVES’ and they cant even go out to report to anyone. We need to support ourselves where ever we are and stop dragging tribal wars in. 2 LIVES WERE LOST, ronke and her husband because jail or death is sure. Who cares where they are from. lets stop gender based violence

  99. YorubaGirl

    May 8, 2016 at 10:11 pm

    Yoruba Demons. Yes, I said, I am Yoruba. Whatever. Yoruba men are the worst!

  100. YorubaGirl

    May 8, 2016 at 10:11 pm

    R.I.P so bloody sad. My heart is bleeding for her kids.

  101. Anita Orhue

    May 9, 2016 at 10:35 am

    Never go into marriage without asking God to help you find the right person because it is only God that sees the end of a thing from the beginning or you will find yourself in a place you never expect, ladies take care of yourself cos no man can really give you the joy that God gives and only God can change a man that wants to be changed hmmmm it is well let this serve as a lesson to all women in abusive relationship; please come out of it and LIVE your kids need you around, your life is more important, stay strong for your kids no man deserves dying for at all. RIP sis and may God help your children through life in Jesus name.

  102. I_I

    May 9, 2016 at 12:39 pm

    This too . . .
    nigeriamedj.com/article.asp?issn=0300-1652;year=2015;volume=56;issue=2;spage=118;epage=121;aulast=Ashimi

  103. Aj

    May 9, 2016 at 2:29 pm

    It starts from mental/emotional abuse and a controlling man. They break you down mentally, reduce you to nothing and that point you feel like there is no where else to go, so you stay. Plus surrounding yourself with people who are also in struggling relationships telling you that’s how men are, all men cheat, all men are this and that, that leads to this kind of outcome. Women have to realize their worth, they have to change their perspective and stop taking rubbish from men. Because a man will only treat you how you allow him to. Some Men are like children, they try you to see what you will accept and what you wouldn’t. Be careful, stand your ground, say no to all forms of abuse and control, say no to lieing and secrecy in a relationship and say no to cheating.

  104. lalaminta

    May 9, 2016 at 4:18 pm

    God knows I’m packing my bags with a single pinch or a slight brush even if unintended. I will wash toilets if I have to, to survive. I’ve got the lowest of tolerances.. love ko love ni.. mi o le wa ku..

  105. p

    May 10, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    shut up your dirty mouth, you biggggggggggggggggggggg foooooooooooooooooool Mimi

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