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Reuben Abati: May Day, Tiwa Savage, Her Husband And Nigeria

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Reuben Abati - Bella Naija“Ol’boy, man don see something oh.”

“Wetin you see?”

“My eyes don see something. My ears don hear, and my mouth sef, I for talk something join.”

“Talk make I hear”

“No be dis Tiwa Savage and him husband matter? The husband wey say him wife offend am, he no gi am food, him wife dey form for house but him dey open leg for other men, and na another woman they give am edible catering, and the man come vex he wan jump inside river for Lekki-Ikoyi bridge”

“Who the hell are you talking about?”

“Tiwa Savage and her husband”

“And who are those?”

“Tiwa, now. Marvin First Lady.  She is one of Nigeria’s topmost female artistes. And her husband.  They are quarrelling. The husband tried to commit suicide. She says her husband prefers to follow other women, take cocaine and ignore his responsibilities as a man and a husband. Social media is agog with the news. Mainstream media is feeding on it too. The man even tried to jump into the Lagoon.”

“And has he done so?”

“No. He was restrained by Banky W and Peter Okoye.”

“And who are those? Red Cross Officials?”

“You are in this country and you don’t know Banky W and Peter Okoye?”

“There is no way anyone can possibly know all the members of the Red Cross? ”

“They are musicians, not Red Cross, not NEMA”

“Oh, I see”

“Don’t tell me you are one of those dumb ones who do not know what is going on in this country?”

“I don’t get it. Am I supposed to worry about how Tiwa Savage and her husband are savaging the public space with their dirty linen and turning their marriage into a subject for beer parlour gossip?”

“It is a serious matter.”

“Oh really? So, how has their matter affected the supply of petrol, the price of foodstuffs and the payment of salaries?”

“It is the biggest news of the week.”

“Of course, because the media does not know what to prioritise anymore”

“There are issues involved. Tiwa Savage’s husband wanted to commit suicide. The same week, there was a report about a man who killed his target of amorous desire and stabbed her mother  in Ilorin because the lady refused to love or marry him.”

“Love is the most potent poison in the world. The graveyard is a prison yard of unrequited love.”

“Tiwa Savage’s husband says…”

“You keep mentioning the wife.  That husband doesn’t have a name? They should have allowed him to jump into the Lagoon, and have his wife do a special song at his funeral and go home on the left arm of another man.”

“They call him em em. actually that is the problem if you would listen to the wife. She is the breadwinner, she says and the man likes to squander money and so on and so forth.”

“Look, I am not interested in that story.  I don’t want a taste of Tiwa Savage’s #Lemonade. I don’t want any tales about the #Becky-with-the-Big-Hair that served her husband “edible catering”. Or do you want the National Assembly to have a special session on a derailed marriage, or may be you want President Muhammadu Buhari to issue a statement on it? One of these days, Nigerians will start insisting that the Nigerian President should become a marriage counselor and he will be blamed for marital squabbles.”

“We are talking about celebrities. And come to think of it, in a normal country, Tiwa Savage’s husband will not have to depend on his wife. He will have a proper means of income.”

E ma gba mi ke. Doro Tiwa and husband fight and Nigeria no go hear word? E joor oh. As you lay your bed, you lie on it. These things happen every day. Human beings pay for the choices that they make. They learn from the outcomes of their choices. Can we have the media focus on serious matters beyond sex, infidelity, cocaine and the poverty of matrimonial matters in the household of Tiwa and Tee Blliz? Which kin name be that sef?”

Tomorrow is May Day for example”

“Nigerian workers should actually carry placards tomorrow, screaming May Day, May Day, May Day!!”

“You want them to scream for help?”

“Yes, because the Nigerian worker today is hungry, angry, sinking, helpless, jobless, over-used, under-paid and in despair. State governments are not paying salaries. Companies are retrenching staff.  The latest I read is that First Bank is planning to sack 1, 000 workers, Aero Contractors, 100.  I know a couple, who have both just lost their jobs and they have five children. Some other companies are closing shop. Massive divestiture in the economy.”

“Incidentally, you know the people who caused the melt down. “

“Tell me”

“I don’t know.”

“If you don’t know, then you don’t know, before you say something that will make me give you a punch in the face. But I think all that President Buhari needs to do tomorrow is to give the people hope.  In a situation like this, you give the people hope, you reassure them.”

“You are recommending rhetoric. Speaking for speaking sake.”

“No. I am saying hope is a strong weapon. When a leader gives the people hope, he calms down their blood pressure. It is a strong pill.”

“The Nigeria Labour Congress and the Trade Union Congress are not asking for hope. Nigerian workers know what they want. They are asking for N56, 000 minimum wage.”

“Chai”

“You heard me. N56, 000”

“Chai. Do they live in this country at all? Do they have economists among them? Does it make sense to ask for what you know you cannot get?”

“You can ask for what you think you deserve.”

“But in matters like this, you look at the economy too. What they are asking for is called wage indexation. That is not sound economics. Wage indexation is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you base your calculations on it, there will never be an end to it, and it will undermine the economy.”

“Which economy? An economy where some people grab N2 billion, and millions of dollars all in the line of a day’s arrangement, and workers cannot get the existing N18, 000 minimum wage?”

“If I were the NLC or TUC leader, I’ll be more interested in giving the government ideas about how to pay the current minimum wage and ensure that the welfare of the people is properly the concern of government. NLC should be pragmatic. Get all salary arrears paid to start with, and get government to pay all emoluments as at when due. Uncommon sense.”

“Sorry, Labour leaders don’t claim that they are economists. They just want the best for the Nigerian worker. That is their mandate.”

“Don’t speak for them. When they meet the President and the Governors tomorrow, let them say so. I wonder if anybody even reads those long speeches on Labour Day. Nigerian workers are looking for unpaid salaries, but their leaders ride exotic SUVs, and live in mansions. I beg.”

“You are beginning to sound like a government spokesperson. Come, are you still one of us?”

“I beg”

“By the way, what do you think is likely to happen in the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), now that the party leadership says the Chairman of the party must come from the North East, and the South West members are threatening to pull out?”

“Are you sure anybody in the South West is threatening to pull out?”

“Yes. You don’t read the papers? Na one of your brothers even talk am

“Who?”

“The Lion himself”

“A lion in my family?”

“Have you forgotten so soon? Abi as your phone no ring again, your brain no ring too? You no know the attack dog, the Lion?”

“Lion. Attack dog.”

“Hen hen now. Him say if they don’t make somebody from South West the Chairman of the PDP, the South West wing of the PDP will leave the party.”

“I’ll advise you not to lose sleep over what politicians say.  What you can be sure of though, is that before 2019, there is likely to be interesting re-alignments.  Nigerian politics may not be the same again before and after 2019.”

“Na dem sabi. Make they just give us the mekunnu, power, good roads, jobs and our salaries at the end of the month. Me, talking for meself, I don see say e no matter which party win election, as long as the economy dey kampe and man fit chop, pay school fees and get light to do welle for night. My broda, na the better thing wey matter pass be dat.”

“What is welle?”

“You no know Welle?”

“No”

“Kai. Lord of Heaven. No be the thing wey dey cause problem between Tiwa Savage and her husband be dat?”

“I still don’t get it.”

“You no watch her interview?  As the girl they talk, dey cry, without make up, looking like an angel, doing her eye like this, her shoulder like that, e just dey pain me say dem no allow the husband jump for inside river. If I see Banky W and Peter Okoye, hen, the kine slap wey I go give dem.”

“Are you alright? Have you been sniffing cocaine?”

“C’ommot there. You just carry book for head, you no know how life be?”

“I am sorry for you.”

“Sorry for yourself.”

“Na you go sorry for yourself. And why your head dey always shine like this? You no get hair? You never reach old age, your head don become desert. Na people like you women dey look for?”

“This is a special haircut, you can see that the shaving of the hair is completely clean.”

“This is not a haircut. This is called desert encroachment, or the desertification of the human skull”

“I did it this way, in the shape of a shining mirror, in solidarity with the people of the Edo Kingdom who have just lost their revered monarch, the Omo N’Oba N’Edo Uku Akpolokpolo,  Erediauwa I”

“Only Benin sons are required to do gorimapa in honour of the great king that has ascended to the rafters.”

“There is no law that says other Nigerians cannot honour a revered monarch who kept the dignity of the throne and left behind a legacy of honour, character, royal grace, and dignity.”

“You don spake my broda. Make I add my own; Oba gha to kpere”

“Ise-ee”

May his path to the great Beyond be one of illumination and grace.”

“So let it be.”

“So mote it be.”

 

27 Comments

  1. ElessarisElendil

    May 1, 2016 at 9:43 am

    “Incidentally, you know the people who caused the melt down. “

    “Tell me”

    ?????? No matter what the haters say, don’t stop trolling.

    That said, nah your oga cause am. “No political will to save” according to madam coordinating ichafu.

    • FSeriously?

      May 1, 2016 at 5:02 pm

      @ellessariselendil, I didn’t like GEJ’s style of governance but I am getting disgusted with how people just make irrational statements and blame everything under the sun that they don’t ;ike on Nigeria on him.

      No matter that Okonjo-Iweala’s full speech is available in the public space, no matter that BN commenters pointed out immediately when BN posted the misleading title and story, no matter that Okonjo-iweala was swift to release a statement that she never blamed GEJ for the situation in the country at all but that as she clearly said in her speech, as everybody knows, GEJ and the FG wanted to save but it was the governors through the governor’s forum, who vehemently opposed it and went to court to stop the sovereign wealth fund and have its monies disbursed; the same governors who are in Buhari’s government now, blaming GEJ for not saving and for everything wrong with Nigeria. I mean, really, can’t we reason intelligently and be fair and honest in our assessments, to ourselves and to others? I was glad to see him go, I’m not that overjoyed about the choice of Buhari either but this irrational, unintelligent, lazy, unbalanced, reflex action non-stop bashing has got to end.

    • FasholasLover

      May 1, 2016 at 5:53 pm

      @FSeriously? Just so you know, you are one brilliant babe/dude.

      @EE whats gwan with you?

    • ElessarisElendil

      May 1, 2016 at 8:57 pm

      I understand where you’re coming from…………but:

      1. Who was elected President?

      2. Who presided over an era of historic oil prices?

      From the above we can establish who was in charge no? That said, under whose watch did more than $5billion in false subsidy claims happen??

      Fine I’ll give you that our executives at the state-level weren’t financially responsible but neither was the federal government and considering the GEJ government retained 52% of all oil earnings during that period in addition to Taxes, Tariffs and the ubiquitous Abacha loot yet left the country with less reserves than they met, their misgovernance is clear and clearly one of the causes of our current economic problems; regardless of the former minister’s scrambling.

      I agree with you that the president can be an easy figurehead that lets rent-seekers, federal representatives and state governors off the hook for their part in our current mess. Compromise: GEJ’s government is only 52%? responsible for current mess.

      Bit of a long back and forth for what was originally a joke.

  2. Sigh

    May 1, 2016 at 10:09 am

    Everyone sha wants to jump on this Tiwa matter bandwagon, rolling my eyes

  3. Anon

    May 1, 2016 at 10:15 am

    Dear Rubén there is room for entertainment news okay. Tiwas situation is trending becos it’s big news in the Nigerian entertainment field and Bella deals mostly in entertainment news. Let’s not get all sanctimonious. Im not in Nigeria now but I’ll find it hard to believe that national network would headline this story on a priority weekday slot, that would be ridiculous even for Nigerian standard. I mean if the guy had jumped off the bridge broke his gaddamned neck and died , I don’t know , maybe it would have made it to a priority slot on national news were they could focus on suicide and link it to the state of unemployment in Nigeria. Come on now , Even you are guilty of using Tiwa to headline your long write up. Seriously When you go to a newsstand you are presented with different options of news, gossip, sport, politics etc. . I personally love a bit of gossip hence I’m here on Bella blog. Love you bells ?. Why are you here again, definitely not for the cheap publicity ?! I would sign post you to more serious minded new sites if I knew any looool. Whatever you do don’t visit Linda you’ll just have a nervous break down.

    • ElessarisElendil

      May 1, 2016 at 11:43 am

      This is a Guardian column, he writes weekly. BellaNaija likes to cull his articles, for reasons I’m not sure of.

      guardian.ng/opinion/may-day-tiwa-savage-her-husband-and-nigeria/ Yup Guardian.

  4. Onochie

    May 1, 2016 at 10:26 am

    Suddenly boda ode de give advice. In your years of service to GEJ and Nigeria at large, what did you do? Na tbillz+Tiwa give you mouth. You are trying to cash in and try to be relevant. We have seen you. Gerrarahia sir

  5. Queen

    May 1, 2016 at 10:41 am

    Sorry Mr. Man but your epistle is boring! I couldn’t even get past first few lines!

    Got me berra things to do on a Sunday like this

    • Mindyabiz

      May 1, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      Like seriously…very boring…lol

  6. Benson Ossai

    May 1, 2016 at 10:54 am

    Go and sleep Reuben.Have you graduated from oxford?Abi carry over the hold you?Your Oga nearly cause wahalla for this country but thank God he was removed if not Nigerians would have been among the people trying to cross the macedonia border.

  7. Wanderlust _Trekeffect

    May 1, 2016 at 10:57 am

    Really? A so called ex political figure seeking relevance through celebrity scandal? Someone is missing some links.

  8. onyii

    May 1, 2016 at 11:00 am

    This man no jus wan respect imsef..
    every rat and cockroach is suddenly “mouthed”..
    Onye isi mgbuka..

  9. Kaka

    May 1, 2016 at 11:57 am

    “No. He was restrained by Banky W and Peter Okoye.”
    “And who are those? Red Cross Officials?”
    “You are in this country and you don’t know Banky W and Peter Okoye?”
    “There is no way anyone can possibly know all the members of the Red Cross? ”
    LWKMH!!!! This one has got me in stitches!!

  10. Yt

    May 1, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    Uncle Reuben is jst an Agbaya!!!!

  11. Ariere

    May 1, 2016 at 12:01 pm

    Okay, Reuben, I see u trying to cling to Relevance as desperately as possible. So for ur crave for it u had to slide in the turmoil of Tiwa Savages’s marital strife for click bait?? What have u become?

    U really do have a lot of time in ur hands. Nd don’t try to water down the relevance of the story here. Tiwa Savage is arguably Nigeria’s biggest and most bankable female entertainer right now, so anything she does in effect will be news, for better for worse, she’s in the fabric of our pop culture. Her present predicament is Hot and Relevant on so many levels: Cus of her social ranking, her perceived ‘perfection’ by herself and the media and the sad reality of the Celebrity Lifestyle of keeping up appearances when things re actually shit and never what they seem.

    Sir, What u doing is using her degenerated marriage for cheap hits and faked relevance. Why else will u even use her Name as part of ur headline? Or use the hottest entertainment News nationwide to carry out ur dated opinions? I dont even know who demands ur think pieces these days or checks on u. Which is sad Cus u used to be a man of virtue. Now u just washed up, sold out and reduced to Nigeria’s own Piers Morgan: a mere shadow of what u used to be.

    U better crawl back to that Hole u CAME out from u silly Man.

    As for Tiwa, Pls be Strong in this most difficult time of ur life. Shut every promotional activity down and take a break off the spotlight: allow urself the time to grief and heal. U have people who love u from afar. U will get thru this hurdle. Be strong for urself and ur little boy. I love You.

  12. esther

    May 1, 2016 at 12:16 pm

    This old fool is looking for cheap publicity.thunder fire u.idiot. Go and face ur miserable unhappy home with ur two wives. Is it our fault that ur home is nt making news. Fool at 60. I need this guys IG handle and twitter let me tell him more. Otondo of the highest order

  13. lol

    May 1, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    This one has MPD nah. He’s so jobless that one personality knows all about the tiwa savage issue and the other personality pretends not to have heard of her. Agbaya! !!! Don’t go and be doing what other men your age are doing. Stay there and be writing comprehension on Tiwa Savage. Mchewwww.

  14. Naijatalk

    May 1, 2016 at 2:08 pm

    Some of you on here insulting a man older than your fathers. Even when he has by his involvement in the last government, allegedly failed expectations, why the foul language. I am amazed by what parents are releasing these days into society. God ‘epp’ us all.

    • Yes but...

      May 1, 2016 at 4:26 pm

      @NaijaTalk: I like most comments here including yours, because on the one hand, it seems like Mr. Abati is trying really hard to remain relevant yet his epic falling of hand during the GEJ regime is not easily forgettable. On the other hand, we should be able to comment on this without insulting him.

      PS: I’ve managed to spend 6 hours away from BN and other sites (due to school work). If you need to focus on work, I highly recommend the SelfControl app or other apps that help you selectively filter out interesting but kind of distracting sites. Not a plug by the way. Just a really happy student 🙂 🙂 Now to enjoy reading other BN articles I’ve ‘missed’…

  15. Que

    May 1, 2016 at 2:56 pm

    Na una sabi, I always love his writing…and I am here for it …..this was a good and funny weave of current affairs…..your style of writing is to be admired…. not sure about his politicking… but i still love!

  16. Kelechi Okere

    May 1, 2016 at 4:02 pm

    Naijatalk shut up biko! No be the papa carry himself disrespect. How can a man old enough to father Tiwa use her to gain relevance chrrrrrr. Nonsense begat nonsense hoha!

    • Naijatalk

      May 1, 2016 at 8:27 pm

      Kelechi nwannem, ekwu zi na ka nkita ara biko, maka iburo nkita. Share your thoughts without being disrespectful.

  17. Izzy

    May 2, 2016 at 1:48 am

    It’s amazing how people can’t enjoy an intelligent and fun write up just because they don’t like the writer, I enjoyed this, couldn’t stop till I got to the end.
    People be hiding behind the internet insulting their elders. Always remember, what you sow is what you reap.
    All you insulting him, how have you epped naija in your own little way?

  18. Letty

    May 2, 2016 at 1:59 am

    This is exactly what tiwa was trying to cover up..the voyeurs..and their comments..

  19. kkay

    May 2, 2016 at 11:39 am

    Reuben Abati, you and Charles Novia should ARCHIVE yourselves already!
    Would you use your daughter and son in-law’s unfortunate break-up to build up your article? SHAME ON YOU!!!

    Tiwa, be strong. You’re in my heart and prayers.

  20. sunex

    May 2, 2016 at 4:54 pm

    DAT guy no try I beg,,,dem 4 allow am kill im self na,,him just d behave like 5years old baby,,,i wonder y correct babe like Tiwa go involved herself wit dat kind lausy dude…. him deserved flogging

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