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BN TV: Watch Episode 2 of Dolapo Oni’s “So You Wanna Get Married?” as Her Guests Discuss Domestic Violence

BN TV

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In this episode of Dolapo Oni‘s new web series So You Wanna Get Married?, the topic of the day is domestic violence. She’s joined by marriage counsellor Lara Kudayisi, journalist Karen Young and photographer Namag Blacky as they discuss the sensitive topic of abuse in relationships.

Can a women push a man to beating her? Is shouting a way for a woman to express herself? Why do people stay after being abused?

Watch the video to find out the answers to these questions and much more.

42 Comments

  1. Bruno fierce Two

    September 8, 2016 at 6:05 pm

    To think I used to like Dolapo smh, haughty, boring and snobbish, Cannot stand her now, miss when she was in Studio 53 and humble!! Fame changes peoples persona, what a shame!

    • Nips

      September 8, 2016 at 6:13 pm

      Humble? When was that?!! Must have been a previous life.

    • Fashionista

      September 8, 2016 at 9:44 pm

      I don’t know about haughty and snobbish but boring – yes! And she should definitely not have left 53 extra, at least not yet!

  2. The Real Oma

    September 8, 2016 at 6:14 pm

    why are newly-weds always the ones talking about marriage? maybe becos its still ‘sharking’ them bah? hmmm, maybe na so e go shark me wen i do sha…lol

  3. ...just saying

    September 8, 2016 at 7:37 pm

    Poor Dolapo, finally realises that doing 13 episodes, waiting for a while then season 2 with another 13 episodes waiting for another long while will make her unpopular so she kuku decided to come online into our faces. Nice move.

  4. Fossil

    September 8, 2016 at 7:43 pm

    My brother inlaw just beat me this morning , when I called d police every body started saying I shouldn’t have, y are Nigerians double standard. I won’t wait to get killed oo

    • Fashionista

      September 8, 2016 at 9:43 pm

      Your BROTHER IN LAW – BEAT YOU??!!!!! From where to where please, I can’t comprehend. Those people that said you shouldn’t have, you better cut off from them, they obviously don’t like you. Well done for not taking such rubbish!

    • Que

      September 8, 2016 at 10:23 pm

      You did the right thing. Nothing should ever make a man beat a woman albeit a brother inlaw

    • Wtf

      September 9, 2016 at 1:09 am

      Your brother in law beat you? Is he mad? I know it must be family members telling you calling the cops was a wrong move, they’ve probably started telling you how ungrateful you are (especially if your brother-in-law and sister are taking care of you, I’m assuming you’re abroad), but, my dear, you did the right thing. Why would your sister even let her husband hit you? Or are you a guy? I mean, if you are a guy, I might understand how he can have the nerve to do that but I hope to God you’re not a girl, I’d be so mad at your sister , wtf?

    • MC

      September 9, 2016 at 9:56 am

      It could also be her husband’s brother.

    • Nahum

      September 9, 2016 at 2:13 am

      Your BROTHER IN LAW!!!! He beat you!!!! People are blaming you for calling police ke!!!! Wo my dear, if you are regretting calling the police, you are foolish

  5. Ada Nnewi

    September 8, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    This isn’t bad…But i wish she had chosen a quiet place.. the kitchen and the people walking around are quite distracting…

  6. De Duchess

    September 8, 2016 at 9:16 pm

    Let Dolapo live!

    Why are you all ignoring the ‘domestic violence’ topic.

    Your dreams are valid, you will find a man. Stop attacking women when they mention marriage. Did they block all those men from your life or did they chase them?

    • Shut her UP!

      September 8, 2016 at 10:44 pm

      Your rant is baseless!! Must you comment on every topic?

  7. That Confused lady

    September 8, 2016 at 10:41 pm

    Just faced the worst form of abuse two days ago. Got into a quarrel with the boyfriend and before I knew it, he was on top of me tearing all my clothes and touching me in all areas even though I pleaded with him to stop.

    Well he had his way and made fun of how powerless I was to stop him. The only weapon I had was my mouth. We both exchanged words but his came with blows.

    Confronted him after running away from the house and he denied everything. Leaving me confused and painting me as a liar to the friends I reported him to. Right now it seems I made it all up but I am certain it happened cos I wrote everything in my diary.

    I am seriously thinking of just going way and leaving everything behind cos I am just too ashamed to face him.

    Other times I think I deserve everything cos he warned me severally and I did not listen. I still consider the thought of going back to beg him to forgive me.

    And I used to think I was a strong woman!

    • artklub

      September 9, 2016 at 6:41 am

      run!

    • nani

      September 9, 2016 at 7:40 am

      You’re seriously thinking? Meaning you haven’t left? Girl please run.

    • EC

      September 9, 2016 at 8:33 am

      my dear. Leave him and the church. Church leader or not, leave. I would advice you to report to police etc but we all know that once there is no evidence in our society the victim will be blamed and the church will be on his side. LEAVE

    • Hunh?

      September 11, 2016 at 1:43 am

      Er … what “‘church”” and “‘church leader”” did she mention in her comment?

    • Mo

      September 9, 2016 at 8:41 am

      Please get away from him for your safety, don’t entertain the thought of begging him (for what???) or being close to him again. He sounds very dangerous, mentally unbalanced and manipulative. He now has you doubting yourself, that is typical for abusive men and if you allow this to continue, it will only get worse. Please leave him right away and try not to worry about whether people choose to believe you or not. You know what he did and the most important thing for you is that you get away from this twisted individual immediately, and take care of your own welfare, you need to heal from this traumatic encounter and move on to better things.

    • Naijatalk

      September 9, 2016 at 9:12 am

      Let me spell it out for you, just in case monitoring spirits are blocking your thought process…YOU WERE RAPED. You are a RAPE victim. So my dear, if you love your life, and you cherish the dignity that God gave you, LEAVE and never look back and do not change your story to friends, do not mince words when asked what happened, tell it as it was – RAPE.
      You are not confused, you are stronger and better than he can ever possibly be so please LEAVE.

    • lorelai

      September 9, 2016 at 9:36 am

      Naija talk.. u are absolutely right.. It is rape… just because they were in a relationship doesnt give him the right to force himself on her …. ppl need to have a talk about this.. people don’t understand the definitions of rape. and this is what people need to do talk shows about this

    • Aibee

      September 9, 2016 at 10:36 am

      Ma’am, your boyfriend raped you and is now gaslighting you. These are actions of an abusive and manipulative person. Thank God you are not married to him yet. And even if you were, it isn’t too late. You can google gaslighting for a better understanding of what that man is doing to your mind and psyche.

      Please leave him while you still can. Your life is much more valuable than you being a statistic in the domestic violence figures. It doesn’t matter that nobody believes you. 10 years down the line, you probably still wouldn’t be friends with all those people who don’t believe you now. What matters is that you know what happened, he knows what happened and God knows what happened. A man raped you, molested you, assaulted and still had the nerves to laugh at how powerless you were.

      GET UP AND GET OUT.

    • Mo

      September 9, 2016 at 11:22 am

      You are much stronger than you think my sister… you don’t deserve any of this, no one deserves to be assaulted. You deserve to live free of abuse, you deserve to be respected and cherished. Please don’t fall prey to his lies and manipulation, get away from this monster while you still can.

    • Avenger!

      September 14, 2016 at 2:19 pm

      He did what????
      Thats RAPE my darling
      Please his details….
      he needs to be taught a lesson……

  8. That Confused lady

    September 8, 2016 at 10:55 pm

    Need I also add that he is also a prominent member of my church, which is necessitating my decision to leave so I dont see him. It will basically be his words against mine if I decide to report him.
    But if my own friends don’t seem to believe me, who else will?

    • DAME

      September 9, 2016 at 8:29 am

      Madam is that church the only church in the around swallow it all and continue with him because he seems like the best thing you have ever had and you are scared you would not get better.
      My dear the guy smells that fear on you and that’s why he did what he did and would continue and never stop.

      I know you might still stay so i wish you the best

    • Naijatalk

      September 9, 2016 at 9:15 am

      Prominent member of your church Kini? The devil too knows the Bible. Your own friends don’t believe you? What does that tell you about the so called friends? Let them have him if they want him, but you my dear are done.

    • Gracie

      September 9, 2016 at 11:27 am

      There’s nothing I wouldn’t hear in this my age. Prominent member of ur church and He raped you….you pple r engaging in fornication. Pls leave if you love yourself.
      Unless you have no regard for ur life.

    • Hunh?

      September 11, 2016 at 2:51 am

      Oh, okay, this is where she mentioned church, etc. A church leader and thee’s sex, and there’s violence, there’s rape, verbal abuse, destructive tendencies, he wants to destroy you as a person, your elf esteem, your self worth, your confidence; he needs you to dominate, conquer, break and shatter into pieces and walk all over and trample on before he can feel like a man and you don’t know if you should leave, you want to go and beg his forgiveness. It looks to me like he’s already more than halfway achieved his mission.

      RUN.
      LEAVE HIM.
      LEAVE THAT CHURCH.
      BLOCK HIS NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE.
      INSTALL TRUECALLER IF YOU HAVEN’T.
      BLOCK THE PHONE NUMBERS OF ALL FRIENDS WHO ARE HAVING A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON YOU CONCERNING THE MATTER.
      DO NOT PICK CALLS FROM PHONE NUMBERS YOU (AND TRUECALLER) DON’T KNOW, IF YOU ARE SO CURIOUS, SEND A TEXT ASKING WHO IT IS. IF THERE’S NO REPLY, THE CALL ISN’T GENUINE OR IT’S HIM OR SOMEONE YOU BLOCKED.
      LEAVE EMPHATIC INSTRUCTIONS/WARNINGS AT YOUR HOME AND OFFICE GATE THAT HE IS PERSONA NON GRATA.
      VERY IMPORTANT: SEEK COUNSELLING. SEEK IT FROM QUALIFIED PERSONS THAT HAVE INTEGRITY AND ARE WELL-MEANING. e.g. Lanre Olusola, Jerome Yaovi Onipede, send them an email.
      FEED VORACIOUSLY ON WHAT GOOD SAYS ABOUT YOU IN HIS WORD, YOU HAVE BEEN BATTERED BY AN ONSLAUGHT OF LIES AND NEGATIVITY TOO REGULARLY/FREQUENTLY AND TOO LONG, YOU HAVE LISTENED TOO WELL. YOU MUST FEED YOURSELF ON, TRIGGER ONTO YOURSELF AN AVALANCHE, A NEVER-ENDING FLOOD OF THE TRUTH, FROM ALL SIDES; BARRICADE YOUR SOUL, YOUR HEART, YOUR MIND IN THE TRUTH, IN GOD’S WORD; DWELL IN HIS WORD, IN YOUR BIBLE, THROUGH MESSAGE CDS, ETC AND ATTEND WOMEN’S CONFERENCES LIKE DISCOVERY FOR WOMEN, DABIRA (which was today, you could also email the convener of Dabira for counselling), WATCH WOMAN THOU ART LOOSED CONFERENCES ON YOU TUBE, ATTEND RELEVANT PROGRAMMES AT GUIDING LIGHT ASSEMBLY, AND, IF, GOD FORBID, THE CHURCH YOU ATTEND IS ONE OF THE TWO I MENTIONED, THOSE ARE TWO CHURCHES THAT I KNOW THE SENIOR/FOUNDING PASTORS TRULY ARE MEN AND WOMEN OF GOD AND SUPPORT WOMEN AND HAVE DEALT WITH THESE KINDS OF ISSUES EVEN FOR WOMEN WHO DON’T ATTEND THEIR CHURCHES, THEY WOULD BE OUTRAGED.

      PLEASE GET HELP. THE ENEMY OF YOUR SOUL HAS ALREADY DONE A SERIOUS NUMBER ON YOU THROUGH THIS MAN. YOU NEED TO REBUILD AND BE REBUILT.

      FIRST AND FOREMOST, ABOVE ALL, MOST OF ALL, THE ONLY REBUILDER IS THE BUILDER HIMSELF. YOU HAVE SINNED AGAINST GOD, THAT IS THE WORD OF GOD. YOU HAVE BROKEN HIS LAWS. RUN TO HIM AND REPENT, CONFESS YOUR SINS, REPENT, ASK FOR MERCY, AND GRACE NEVER TO REPEAT IT AND RECEIVE IT ALL BY FAITH. KNOW HE LOVES YOU ALWAYS EVEN WHEN HE DOESN’T LOVE YOUR SIN AND HE IS YOUR FATHER AND WILL NEVER DISOWN YOU. ASK HIM FOR WISDOM AS TO WHAT TO DO, ASK HIM TO LEAD YOU TO AND BRING TO YOU HELPERS AND GODLY COUNSELLORS, ASK HIM TO RESTORE YOU AND REBUILD YOU, ASK HIM TO PROTECT YOU FROM WOLVES AMONG THE FLOCK AND TO ARM AND EQUIP YOU AGAINST THEM, AND ASK HIM NOW HENCEFORTH TO BE YOUR LEADER (that man is no “”leader””, not from CHRIST anyway) FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

      YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. YOU ARE NOT A SURVIVOR. YOU ARE MORE THAN A CONQUEROR THROUGH CHRIST.

      SHALOM.

  9. Houstonian

    September 8, 2016 at 10:59 pm

    Have you noticed a trend? Marry today and start a marriage-related vlog/show tomorrow? Lol Naija babes!!

  10. nani

    September 9, 2016 at 7:38 am

    Internet na leveler sha. You would think Dolapo’s online videos will thousands of views but alas, that is not the case. The non A-list personalities even have way more views. So happy I was born in this generation where hard work has started beating hype.

    • nani

      September 9, 2016 at 7:41 am

      *will have thousands

  11. Fossil

    September 9, 2016 at 8:11 am

    My brother inlaw leaves with me he is over 40 no Job no marriage he came to take care of their diebetic mother , I went him to great d mother good morning and ask 4 wot she wanted 4 breakfast & she said she was ok, I now said alrite , as I was about to shot d door he bang d door at me and said I can’t kneel down to greet their mother , called me a bastard , I now said y is he so disrespectful d next thing he drag my cloth, I was in my night wear with nothing underneath , that was how d fight started. Until my driver came to separate us , he kept treating & shooting that he ll still beat me , I called d police now pple started saying I shouldn’t have. , even my husband d brother said same, I just heat this country 4 having double standard about things

    • Mo

      September 9, 2016 at 8:34 am

      Hmm… your husband should be protecting you in this scenario, he should be extremely furious with his brother for ever daring to place his hands on you, and he should also get his brother out of your house immediately. You had every right to call the police.

    • Naijatalk

      September 9, 2016 at 9:23 am

      Disrespected in your own home? Nigerian women have suffered in the name of marriage. I don’t think you should take this one lying down and let everyone blame you. Are they all crazy? Plus your husband? What if the beating led to an injury you couldn’t recover from? Don’t allow yourself be further victimized by accepting blame. So that mama in her sick bed could not speak in your defense, ma, I’m sorry you are in a one chance with your husband and inlaws.

  12. Fossil

    September 9, 2016 at 8:59 am

    Fossil September 9, 2016 at 8:11 am
    My brother inlaw leaves with me he is over 40 no , Job no marriage he came to take care of their diebetic mother , I went in to greet d mother good morning and ask 4 wot she wanted 4 breakfast & she said she was ok, I now said alrite , as I was about to shot d door he bang d door at me and said I can’t kneel down to greet their mother , called me a bastard , I now said y is he so disrespectful d next thing he drag my cloth, I was in my night wear with nothing underneath , that was how d fight started. Until my driver came to separate us , he kept treating & shooting that he ll still beat me , I called d police now pple started saying I shouldn’t have. , even my husband d brother said same, I just hate this country 4 having double standard about things

  13. I said what I said

    September 9, 2016 at 10:03 am

    BN how about making that confused lady story for an aunty bella episode?

  14. Ayo

    September 9, 2016 at 10:14 am

    Lol i dont know how you guys watched this video. poor production tho! what is that background noise?!

  15. Cece

    September 10, 2016 at 12:43 am

    Dolapo looks like Eva Longoria of Desperate Housewives. They should meet each other some day. Oh boy…. we are heading to December soon!

  16. Fossil

    September 12, 2016 at 10:39 pm

    Update : Now my husband want me to continue leaving with his people as if nothing ever happen, he apologize and said we should start a new charperter. But d tot of him standing there while his brother striped me nake can’t leave my mind, when d police can he locked d door , he did not allow them pick his brother , he locked me out side with my two kids from morning till evening , when d police got tired they left. Pls tell me how can I remember all this and still says I have an husband , his brother never apologize , he ‘s still in d house , his mom says if d brother pack out of the house she ll also leaves. My husband could not do anything , all he want me to do is 4give & forget. PLEASE is this love or leaving in boundage?

    • .....just saying

      September 13, 2016 at 12:26 pm

      Bella post this lady’s story as a post please . This her update shows she needs help

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