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Queen: But He Didn’t Propose…

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dreamstime_m_45429557When reading through stories of amazing proposals and re-proposals and rings with mighty rocks, I usually go straight to the comments and try to understand people’s perspective of such stories.

Having read a lot of those, I realized that most ladies are now more scared of getting proposed to with a tiny rock or without the usual paparazzi than they are at the thought of the man not proposing to them at all.

Yes, it is that serious.

I remember a friend planning her wedding said she wanted to ask a very important question and she wanted to be sure she isn’t making a mistake.

Eagerly, after the whole introduction of calming her down, I asked her what was making her so worried. For some weird reason I actually thought she wanted to cancel the wedding, but didn’t know how to go about it. (I guess it’s because I treasured their love story and didn’t want any surprises, so I prepared my mind for the worse)
She finally had the courage and asked, “Babe, do you think it is absurd that Jide didn’t propose with a ring and in front of everyone”?

What? Whew!

While I was trying to get my head around the not-so-tough question, I asked her why she was suddenly bothered by that fact as they had been planning the wedding for 14 months and been together for 6years. She answered that everyone she had sent invite to have either asked her to send them a picture of her ring or share her proposal story. And every time she answered that she had neither of both, they made it look like she was making a mistake.

Oh! I see.

I am a sucker for romantic stories and thoughtful acts, but I just wish everyone would do what truly pleases them and let the pressure stay on social media.

First, my friend Ronke is a very private person who started dating Jide from University days and always talked about how Jide couldn’t wait for her to be done so they could get married.
So, it was almost normal when she finished her compulsory National Service and asked that Jide could visit her parent officially with his family whenever he was ready.

Jide who was just waiting for her to be done, visited the same month she got back and at that first meeting, the parents asked them when they planned on getting married and excitedly by default, they chose a date.

Don’t forget Jide truly loves Ronke and she also loves Jide happily, so they had started the plans enthusiastically.

Now, she is all of a sudden thinking maybe he should have formally knelt down and given her a huge ring so that she can share her stories/pictures with the world?

Come on, Ronke; I said.

I don’t think anyone should bother about that. Your love story is so sweet and two of you genuinely love and adore each other so why should anything anyone says matter?

I understand why she was thinking about it and hoping maybe Jide will officially propose even though they were getting married in the following week… But that shouldn’t even make anyone break a sweat. (I think).

The original intention of proposing is to UNPREDICTABLY asking your partner to marry you. Usually, it is unexpected because you haven’t both committed or agreed to doing this and the relationship’s next step sits at either 50% chance of a proposal or 50% chance of a break up. Hence, the SURPRISE.

However, I find it hilarious and maybe pretentious when I see people who have done either their traditional marriage/introduction or court wedding share a proposal story, acting all surprised that he asked her to marry her… Come, on babe. You already married him or going to marry him anyway.

I can’t wrap my head around the reason behind those tears or screams and stunned face… Why? Except maybe they got excited by the rock (which I think can be given privately).

Nonetheless, like I always say, live and let live. So, if you decided to re-propose after 10 years of marriage… Who am I to define what proposal mean? Who asked me?  It’s just one topic that makes me laugh hard and I decided to write about it.
…Cheers and happy married life to everyone who just got proposed to (secretly or openly).

Photo CreditNanditha Rao | Dreamstime.com

37 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    September 19, 2016 at 1:45 am

    I when to visit my husband one day while we were dating. We just started talking and he told me how he felt about me and how he wanted something serious and a life partner. We were having breakfast while we were talking around 8:00 in the morning. It was so simple not too complicated and simple. That was my proposal. I was like ok I want something serious too. That was it. fast forward 6 months later we got married. It was not a big wedding just a simple wedding. We did a wedding we could afford. My husband had nothing went I met him he was struggling. Our finances was not the best at the time. We have been married now 3years and God has bless us tremendously. Our motto is cut your clothes according to your size. My goal in marriage is to marry a God fearing, ambitious and loving husband. That’s all I asked God but he has given me so much. Trying to keep up with the Jones will cause lots of stress and discontentment in your marriage. For how long will one try to be the best. The will be someone bigger and better than you. The will be someone whose husband is richer. The will be a more beautiful woman than you. The will be someone whose career makes more money. The will be someone whose ring is bigger than your. The fall of man was discontenment. If Adam and Eve who were close to God, had everything and were innocent, but still sin what about us today in this age of constant social media validation. Remember when God made Adam and put him in the garden of Eden. God said he needed a helper. Eve was made from Adam’s rib. Adam didn’t give Eve a big diamond ring. The bible said Eve had everything but yet wanted to be like God that’s why they sinned. DO NOT SET YOUR MARRIAGE ACCORDING TO THE STANDARD OF THIS WORLD BUT “BRING EVERYTHING TO THE SUBMISSION OF CHRIST ” Ephesians 5:24

  2. Marlvina

    September 19, 2016 at 1:49 am

    Hmmm different strokes for different folks. It’s not mandatory to propose with a ring; I’ve actually witnessed a case where the guy proposed with red roses. I also have a friend whom her boyfriend proposed to her via email. Lol. They’re married today anyways and she later got herself a ring. I’m trying to figure out how our parents proposed back then lol. Anyways, it ain’t a big deal; what matters most is the love shared and the set goals by the couple. Personally, I craved for that ring. Lol. Although, we had already talked bout marriage and were planning towards it while dating for 4yrs, I actually looked forward for the day he was gonna propose with a ring. I never pressured him neither did I ever discuss it, maybe because we both had our minds made up. He had already showed commitment right from day one. Suprisingly, one random evening, during dinner he officially proposed wt a ring at one of our favorite restaurants (I never hesperredit). It was a shocker, cus he had never mentioned anything bout rings or asked me any question about my ring size. Well, story story we got married 4 months after.

    • Tosin

      September 19, 2016 at 8:03 am

      “trying to figure out how our parents proposed back then” – with a belleh! 😀 when somebody gets pregnant, it’s time for a serious talk. not now oh, please, wear your raincoat or wait.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      September 19, 2016 at 11:11 am

      My father and mum had been somewhat “steady” throughout uni… shortly after they graduated, he proposed and she said she would (in her own words) think about it. He always says that he didn’t feel very confident about her answer because he knew she had other suitors… And she always reminds him that she never actually said yes.

      … but in spite of the lack of a yes, she showed up at the registry and in church, abi? The ring must have shown up at some point in there. I still yab her about it – man wey you been dey do serious nyanga for, no even answer “yes” to but na you by yourself carry leg buy dress, enter motor go church, follow am enter house, born pikin finish for am… Hehehehehehe

  3. Uhnnn???

    September 19, 2016 at 2:16 am

    I don’t understand biko

  4. Weezy

    September 19, 2016 at 3:07 am

    Any man who would propose to me in public in front of an audience should prepare to be turned down. I’ve always found these over the top performances cheesy.. For me romance is quiet passion expressed when we’re alone. If I was dating a guy and he pulled that crap on me, I would seriously question if he knows me at all.

  5. Marian

    September 19, 2016 at 3:58 am

    I’m still waiting for my proposal. Lol. Le boo did not propose and we are happily married. I didn’t get an engagement ring either. I hate following trends and i love looking into how some of the trends started. Yall should research how the whole bridesmaids and wearing white trend started. I find things like that very fascinating.

    You can not compare your love story or journey to others. There is nothing wrong with grand proposal, i’ve seen so many cute ones that have made me cry. My hubby and i joke about our non proposal all the time. It’s our inside joke and i think he’s gonna propose on our 5th anniversary or maybe 10th. I sha know it’s still coming 🙂 My point is enjoy your story and journey and make it yours. Don’t copy, make it original.

    • Tosin

      September 19, 2016 at 8:05 am

      you should check out ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2’ these grandparents decide it’s time to do the whole romance thing. It’s an adorable movie, and you should please treat yourself to the original (Part 1) My Big Fat Greek Wedding as well.

  6. Jamce

    September 19, 2016 at 4:49 am

    Perhaps, it’s just idiocy of foolish imitation of social trends of attempts at self-validation, resulting from ignorance and low self-esteem. Who proposal or ring epp for marriage wey true love no dey?

  7. Majestic

    September 19, 2016 at 5:07 am

    Everyday in the relationship he has asked me to marry him. Everyday my answer has always been yes!! I am not expecting any over the top proposal. In fact if it happens I would not feel or act surprised. A will you marry me proposal is now more like an announcement /show off. It’s more like an “I don give my babe ring” kind of show.
    PS: I am a sucker for love stories. It’s just that the pressure is becoming something else. If the guy no propose wahala. If the ? rock too small wahala. Do what pleases you, but just don’t be under the pressure to conform to societal overwhelming expectations.

    • Magdalene

      September 19, 2016 at 12:01 pm

      @majestic you just echoed my thought. Bae has asked me a million and one times and I’ve said yes. He’s waiting for me to conclude my NYSC. The only issue is that he likes PDAs too much and may be planning a public proposal and God knows I cant deal with that.

    • Netizen

      September 19, 2016 at 10:11 pm

      Do you happen to serve in a state in the south west?

  8. benedict

    September 19, 2016 at 7:12 am

    I think the focus should be on the marriage journey not the proposal,we place 2 much emphasis on the wedding preparations ,hence the rate of divorce in the society,when it comes to marriage less attention should be paid to social media.

  9. EC

    September 19, 2016 at 7:13 am

    Don’t listen to them. Before this fade of Bella and Linda posting proposals a lot of women did not have proposals. Things were done traditionally where the guy went to meet to family to ask for his lady’s hand. And then he will give you the ring.

    That’s still beautiful

  10. onyichick

    September 19, 2016 at 7:42 am

    some months ago my boyfriend said we needed to discuss about our future together and make plans towards settling down. I was excited n the first thing I was I wanted a private n beautiful proposal,he just told me we should postpone the topic till we see cos it’s a long distance relationship n we had the discussion via chat.only for him to ask me after some days if I felt the marriage discussion he was trying to HV with me was joke,he said he felt we should talk about plans n he was shocked and disappointed when the first thing I could bring up was a proposal.bikonu was it wrong to bring up proposal.

    • Dee

      September 19, 2016 at 7:58 am

      Well, this seems like a misunderstanding. I can see his point, because a proposal is just a moment… your future plans to settle down, create a home and start a family are much bigger and more important than just the proposal and even much bigger and more significant than the wedding day. He may think it was shallow of you to bring up proposal instead of discussing more important things like your mutual goals, finances, informing your respective families, living arrangements after the wedding (especially as you’re long-distance at the moment), timelines (i.e. when you both see yourselves settling down) etc. But I’m sure you’re very willing to discuss all these things and were just excited as you said, so your mind went to the proposal. Try to explain to him that you were not trying to downplay all your other aspects of the planning for your future; you’re just a woman in love looking forward to your proposal from the man you love. And express your willingness and eagerness to discuss all your other future plans. All the best.

    • onyichick

      September 19, 2016 at 8:15 am

      thank you so much

  11. Munachi

    September 19, 2016 at 8:05 am

    Did our parents even propose?. …igbo men will just be like “I like that gial, I will go and do something on her head

    • Chi

      September 19, 2016 at 8:24 am

      Lol, exactly,this is why I love them. STRAIGHT to the point, no beating around the bush

    • Nuna

      September 19, 2016 at 8:41 am

      Loool gbam! Who proposal don epp

  12. Different strokes

    September 19, 2016 at 8:49 am

    Whether rocks your boat! A friend of mine once said if you have to wait for him to openly propose before you realise you are the one, then obviously, you are not the one.

    • Lola

      September 20, 2016 at 4:12 am

      GBAM!!!

  13. that uptown girl

    September 19, 2016 at 9:01 am

    Me that they proposed to on WhatsApp nko?? We had known ourselves for only two weeks. A day before my formal introduction he got me a cheap ass ring and I took it gladly, I knew I’d get better one if he could afford it. When we went to pick out our wedding rings we also got a better engagement ring. Every love story is peculiar in its own way and should be cherished for what it is. I don’t know what’s up with this let’s see the ring nonsense, nobody ever asked me that bullshit except my sister in law that came from lagos, it must be a lagos thing. In Abuja here everyone minds their business.

  14. Derin87

    September 19, 2016 at 9:22 am

    ‘The original intention of proposing is to UNPREDICTABLY asking your partner to marry you. Usually, it is unexpected because you haven’t both committed or agreed to doing this and the relationship’s next step sits at either 50% chance of a proposal or 50% chance of a break up. Hence, the SURPRISE’

    HUH?! I completely disagree with this. My husband and I discussed marriage before he proposed, we were committed and agreed on what the next step was as is the case with most people who propose. It was a surprise because of the time he proposed. I woke up on the couch to see him kneeling in front of me, that was a surprise.

    • "changing moniker"

      September 19, 2016 at 2:50 pm

      yes!!! This is what I tell my boyfriend too. That the surprise is not in me not expecting to be proposed to? Ahan, so what are we now doing? The surprise is for the moment he chooses to do it. So Mr. Gbz, when you read this ehn, ma worry. (knowing about the ring isn’t bad jarey). If you really want to surprise me ehn, go and meet my parents now now….lol

  15. BeautifulOnyinye

    September 19, 2016 at 10:17 am

    5 days after I met hubby,I knew I’d marry him when/if he asked.Less than 2 months after we met,we went to one of my favorite Chinese restaurants and he asked me to marry him sans ring,I said yes but we’d have to get to know each other better.16 months from the day we met,we got married. 2 &1/2 years later and an adorable daughter,I’m glad I married him.I love the grand proposals too,my elder sister’s was a grand one and a complete surprise.Just do what works for u and be true to urself

  16. BH........

    September 19, 2016 at 10:36 am

    Different strokes for different folks sha…lol …. in my own case each time le boo kept hinting on proposal I kept giving him a big red signal cause I hate to wanna be like everyone else or put myself out there so in my case I was the one who refused an engagement ring and as traditional as I am I so much believe in my parents approval (especially my MOM) before I consider even my own interest and when boo took me home and we discovered our parents go way back (mind you we’ve been together for over 5years but we didn’t take each other home cause we both didn’t want either parents influence on our decisions in case along the line anything happens so we wanted the decision to get married be solely our own choice not anybody influencing our decisions and guess what??? when I found out our parents go way back I just cancelled even “introduction” sef cause what else were we introducing when our fathers were bunk mates in secondary school (that’s how long ago they’ve known each other but they both had no idea we their kids met not to dream of date).. I’m getting married in a few months time on a not so low key and lots of my friends don’t even know what my hubby to be looks like… that’s how private I can be not cause I’m not proud of him but cause I like to let my private life stay my private business and God knows I cant wait to be his MRS. *shinesteeth* so dear poster kindly tell your friend there is someone like her in this world who has no proposal story and engagement ring but is super excited and don’t waste time in telling people who cares to ask that I don’t have either stories but I trust God my marriage tales are going to be exquisite by HIS grace.

    • Oyinlola

      September 20, 2016 at 6:34 am

      And that is how BHAMMIE will decode my comments on BN and she thinks I won’t decode hers… Lol
      I just wanted to send u this link cos I know your ovaries jump at these kinda stories. you know I love you and I’m truly excited about the next 3 months.
      My thoughts on this post is this: it’s your choice, if you like it over the top, yeah. If you like it private, good for you. The most important thing is being with someone who understands you and if you both had different extreme ideas about what a proposal should look like, babe should start dropping hints so that bros will compromise. Life isn’t that difficult

  17. Mawi

    September 19, 2016 at 1:23 pm

    Some people have taken this ‘grand, public proposal thing too far. Some girl, on one of the popular blogs sent her ‘proposal story’ & accompanying pictures. According to her, they had taken trip to Abuja to attend their PRE-WEDDING COUNSELLING. As they got back to Lagos, the dude got on his knees at the airport to ‘propose’ with a ring. Y’all should have seen the girl’s dramatic, fake ass reaction. She wept, ran, jumped & screamed! Meanwhile they were already doing pre – wedding counselling o. I was so confused. Like, weren’t u guys almost married already & past this stage? I guess for many these days, it’s a formality so as to show off. Nothing else.

  18. mz_danielz

    September 19, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    What I love about proposals is what the guy says to the girl. This is in situations where they meet, date and the guy decides he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. I love it if the guy speaks his true feelings from the depth of his heart. It might give the lady an Insight to what he really wants in a woman and what he wants in a wife.

    My mother said my father’s proposal was straightforward ‘are you ready to build a home with me that will glorify the name of God and be an example of his intention in marriage? Do you want to join me in raising responsible children’ and she said YES. (He was 25 and she was 19 and they got married 2 years after).

    She told us later that she knew my father would forgive anything she did as long as it didn’t threaten their closeness as man and wife and his children. Cooking, money and blabla were never issues in our household cos my father ready to cook and wash cloth sef when the maids weren’t around, he wanted his wife to be young for him cos he didn’t want to marry another one, my mother also knew that she had to protect my father and always make him feel loved and respected.

    My mother on the other hand just wanted a peaceful home, she grew up in polygamy and hated the division in her home while my father grew up in a loving, christian, nuclear home. My father knew that my mother’s family was important to her so he fought to get their lands back from their stepmother’s clutches and became the 1st son of his mother-in-law ( and no he did not forget his own family, he trained 3 of his younger ones and they are all oil and gas big boys). My mother would always say ‘I know the vacuum I am called to fill in your father’s life’ and my father would say the same. How many couples can really say that about each other today.

    What I’m trying to say is, a proposal should come from the heart and be an avenue to speak your mind about the REAL reason you decided to settle with him or her and plan for the future. Remember the verb propose means ‘to suggest a plan’ not a whose rock is bigger competition.

    • Inquiry

      September 19, 2016 at 8:05 pm

      What a wonderful love story mz_danielz, I am just wondering where you got your love for money from? Lol nor vex for me oh, its just a honest question.

  19. Gorgeous

    September 19, 2016 at 3:30 pm

    Your “friend” is stressing over small stuff. Its not the fireworks but the content. Many people with titanic proposal did not make it to the registry.,

  20. mela

    September 19, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    Well for me…..My hubby was just my friend for two months and when he proposed I asked him to give me time to pray and also ask questions

  21. mela

    September 19, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    Well for me. ……My hubby was just my friend for two months and he when he proposed, I asked him to give me time to pray and ask questions…I called him after 2weeks to give him the answer. And when we met I told him YES(best decision ever). He didn’t have any ring with him, I shaa asked him and he said he brought But later felt it was inferior. I asked him to bring it for me and he did…..even though I didn’t wear cus truly it was inferior…..lolzzzz. Am so glad I married him. He’s not in the gift department at all but he’s d best hubby ever!

  22. molarah

    September 19, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    Thanks author.

    I think it’s a shallow worldview that has brought us to the point where a proposal has to be dramatic, with all the fireworks out. A proposal is almost like a business proposition – where a business man comes to sell his products/idea to a client or potential partner. The general idea of a wedding proposal was for a man to share his aspirations for the future and what his dreams were for a family and stuff and ask the lady if she wanted to partner with him on that journey together. If that’s not happening and all the focus of the proposal is in getting the setup and the shiny rock to wow all observers, the couple should not be surprised when they get in the marriage and start wondering what they are doing there together in the first place. Do it big, do it small, whatever, just don’t lose the general essence of what it its about.

  23. Laura

    September 20, 2016 at 2:26 pm

    I have been living with this guy together since 3 years. On our first year annyversary he have me a ring, on his knee, asking me to be his fiancee. Months past and he doesn t announce family…je just told his friends at a get-togheter. When his brother announced his engagement and wedding date my bf stated that weddings are kinda useless and money wasted… i was stoned! A month later he heard a story about a family and told me we should get married next month. Ok…. this sounds like good news! Next day i ask him whats his favourite date between 1 and 31 so we can set a date. He answered 32!!!
    Yesterday he stated that he doens t want my family at the wedding in case we marry…. i dont have an amazing family but still….
    I think the ring was more like a promice ring? Stealing time? Till this day 2 years later he never spoke about setting the date or announcing family or anything at all…. i fon t know what to think anymore!!!

    • memyselfandi

      September 20, 2016 at 5:15 pm

      Run as fast as you can you deserve better

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