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Sonia Ogbonna shares tips on “What to do when You Feel like Your Whole World and Relationship or Marriage is Falling Apart”

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Ik Ogbonna and Sonia Ogbonna

Sonia Ogbonna has become a motivational blogger, author, life coach, relationship expert and motivational speaker – as shared on her bio. She often dishes advice on her blog, talking about marriage and how to handle certain pressures.

In one of her recent blog posts, the mum of one talks about how even celebrity couples pass through difficult times and the fact that people should not be fooled by Instagram living.

She posted on Instagram “For those who said I’m a HOME BREAKER because I “wrongly influence” women to leave their “homes” due domestic violence and other “small” issues and misunderstandings, go and check last post on my blog, I will bluntly tell what all of us “Instagram” /”celebrity” couples pass through in real life, about real relationship challenges and marriage crises and what to do when you feel like your whole world and relationship/marriage is falling apart”

Read the blog post below.

I will tell you straight up – there is no couple in this world that has been together for a long time without meeting any form of challenges on their way. Even the most compatible, ideal matches do argue and at some point they find themselves facing very tough times. Crises are super painful. They make us doubt. Wander. Overthink. Sometimes we feel like leaving. Or should I stay? Is he the right partner for me? Why do I suffer this much then? What if I have made a mistake? What is right? Who is wrong?

Madness and headache.
Vulnerable mind is a devil’s playground. And devil is a very creative mofo. Indeed.

If you suffer from heartache, wanders, if you feel like your relationship or marriage is about to fall apart, I want you to continue reading.

Is there really a problem?

First of all, we do blow things out of the proportions by attaching meanings to not so relevant things. I think you know what I mean. That is what happens when we are emotionally involved with someone. We take everything personal and our fears and worries can make us see all the things we don’t want to see just because we hold on to them so badly. From my very personal experience I can tell you that you don’t have a problem that you think you have. At least not a rational one. In emotional relationships by taking everything way too personal we create false beliefs that turn reality because we feed them with so much strength, energy and focus.

Then your relationship sinks deeper and deeper into confusion, mess, accusations, blame, anger, frustration, pain and helplessness. Why? Because our focus is constantly on the wrong picture and wrong idea of having a “bad relationship/marriage”. What we focus on grows.

We are all different and every couple has a different challenge, a very specific tough path that was given to them for a reason.

I think I heard somewhere “Test before testimony”.

All my life I used to think, like most of you, that crisis in relationships is a bad thing. Just recently, I have changed my perception towards it; because I realized that no bond was ever build within a comfort zone.

Love. Friendship. Trust. Care. Understanding. Support. Faith. Loyalty.

None of these categories really manifests during good times. When things are smooth and everything happens the way you want it it’s easy to believe, to love, understand, trust or be a support system to someone. Under right circumstances almost everyone can it for you. To know each and every of this categories that make every healthy relationship meaningful you have to pass though unusual something.

When things are really bad our task is to overcome it.

Mostly, people are busy looking for flaws, blame and mistakes in each other and that is what makes couples sink deeper in painful confusion, darkness and crises. I’m sure some of you know how draining this is. It can exhaust you until you literally go crazy and forget everything good about your relationship and your partner.

Ask yourself: do you want this relationship to work? NO? Good and fine, you can leave and that is also very ok.

But you are still there. That means you want it to work. You want to be happy with your partner. Since you choose to stay involved, you will have to start acting according your choice; otherwise you will really run mad.

In order to heal, you must start from yourself.
You must take responsibility over your own part. Not 60%. Not 89%, but 100%.
Tough times are sign that it’s about the time for us to turn to ourselves, and not to point fingers and count our partner’s sins and mistakes on loud.
Energy is contagious. Positive and Negative.
Once you start thinking of how your partner feels instead of always considering how much of a victim you are, you will by default trigger the same kind of behavior from your partner.

Note to yourself: the biggest mistake people make when they start practicing this method is their instant expectation of what will their partner do for them in return and how fast will their efforts be acknowledged. Don’t do that. That means you are bringing yourself into picture again.  You don’t love someone by expecting love in return. A true action of love does not have self interest in it.
Do not just wait to receive love so you can give it.

Start the process of exchanging good energy and positive vibrations yourself.

Every crisis you overcome will build your relationship stronger.
Challenges given to you are meant to strengthen the weakest links of your relationship with your loved one. This thinking is what cures my pain instantly every time I face issues in my marriage. When I just think of it as a process that will make us love each other more and deeper, my vibration instantly changes and different attitude and perception brings new dimensions and different circumstances.

What excites me is to know that the roughest paths normally lead to the most amazing places.

Check out her blog here.

24 Comments

  1. Tesy

    January 11, 2017 at 5:24 am

    Abegi shut up. If I need marriage advise I will get it from joke silva not you.! How long have you been married sef. I must be famous in Nigeria by fire by force. Who are you

  2. UNCLE GWE GWE GWE

    January 11, 2017 at 7:00 am

    Sonia giving advice too?? SMH this generation tho, every body is now a marriage counsellor.

    • mi

      January 11, 2017 at 7:35 pm

      i wont be surprise if this was gotten from a book!

  3. blah

    January 11, 2017 at 8:05 am

    @ uncle gwegwe is she making sense or not?

  4. Billionaire in grace

    January 11, 2017 at 8:22 am

    Good advices Sonya

  5. .....just saying

    January 11, 2017 at 8:34 am

    motivational blogger, author, life coach, relationship expert and motivational speaker? Bella please stop using your authoritative platform to promote this. What are her qualifications? What’s her background? What’s her claim to fame? The hustle is real in this 2017. Every Tom Dick and Harry has become an authority. Welcome to Nigeria, the country where anything goes.

    • Frida

      January 11, 2017 at 3:39 pm

      This article makes a lot of sense….it doesn’t matter if she’s been married for a day or a century. Stop being so judgemental….sheesh

  6. DLP

    January 11, 2017 at 9:04 am

    This write up makes some sense

  7. Sweery

    January 11, 2017 at 9:06 am

    Absolute truth! Anyone married for a day can give advice. Marriage grows you and the experiences are unique.

  8. Gin

    January 11, 2017 at 9:23 am

    Guys let us not focus on the messenger but on the message. She made some really interesting and important points.

  9. iyke

    January 11, 2017 at 10:25 am

    Brilliant and deep…..breath of fresh air to see a very beautiful and intellectually attractive lady these days.

  10. lara

    January 11, 2017 at 10:36 am

    good write up Sonia, good write up.
    i think couple should learn to focus on making their marriage work even before enter d marriage. Marriage should be a life time journey. Rough road and difficulties are part of life, No matter how difficult life might be no one want to die, even d mad man on the street want to keep living, if we can adapt same logic to marriage then people will have good marriage. your decision to stay and make it work with God will keep you going in trying period.

    For people that are going through physical abuse relationship, pray about it and apply wisdom. like my man of God usually say, before your partner raise his/her hand at you he/she would have shown you sign, why don’t you just walk away immediately. don’t stay argue or proving your point until the deed is done.

    well done Sonia.

    • anon

      January 11, 2017 at 12:46 pm

      thats not how physical abuse works. If someone wantts to beat you, it’s not walking aaway that will solve it. Afterall if he was aerguing with a man or a policeman, he would get into a heated argument without slapping him. Poeple should stop using examples like this, because in cases where the women have fiery tongues, they are never really in abusive relationships. Most women in abusive relationships are the meek and ‘submissive’ ones who cant air their opinions

  11. Bravo

    January 11, 2017 at 10:45 am

    Can’t lie, this was really, really good. She had some fabulous points and the message was quite uplifting. Don’t be quick to dismiss it, as you might just miss some important tips that will help in your relationship (married & unmarried). Don’t know much about her credentials but the message was well received. I am an emerging motivational speaker too and I have to say she nailed it!

  12. Livie f

    January 11, 2017 at 12:46 pm

    Wow, some real nuggets of wisdom here Sonia. This is very solid advice, I’m going to print it out and paste it on my wall. I’m married and like Sonia said, we all face challenges in marriages. Internalizing your spouse’s pain and putting yourself in his/ her shoes will go a long way in making us better partners and friends to our spouses. Showing love regardless of the outcome and withot harbouring any expectations ( difficult I know) is truly tasking but so necessary for a healthy and happy marriage. Forgiveness, kindness, compassion, loyalty and support should be the foundation of every marriage. Stop victimizing yourself. These are just a few important lessons I’ve gained from reading Sonia’s article.

    Thanks so much for this Sonia, it comes at a very crucial point. I’ll surely be checking your blog for updates.

  13. Reader

    January 11, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    Fantastic post. Brilliant article Sonia. Sharing this with lots of my friends. So much wisdom

  14. Awiase

    January 11, 2017 at 2:06 pm

    Great write up but please wait a bit ok.Peep nowadays marry for some few minutes and think they can be marriage counselors.And well I disagree with what someone said up there,marriage does not change anyone.You change because you want to change.I always roll my eyes when someone says marriage changed him/her.You have to change things yourself not marriage.It breeds new circumstances etc which you may have to adjust too.I knowCheaters,lazy ones,haughty ones etc who are still who they are after marriage.At least last for some ten years to get more qualified for giving out advice ok

  15. Oby

    January 11, 2017 at 2:58 pm

    Guys please i don’t think their are qualifications to give advise on relationship or marriage issues. she said what worked for her which is really true to every word. i have same issue with my guy too and both of us are on the defensive end but we have refused to give up. This article to me makes alot of sense and i will apply it.This just came at the right time.. Thanks Sonia…

  16. Tootsie

    January 11, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    Couldn’t get past the typos and grammatical erros. This was not a comprehensible read.

  17. Majestic

    January 11, 2017 at 7:16 pm

    Initially I was reluctant to read. But she didn’t disappoint. I took some of your words to heart.

  18. mimzzzzzz

    January 11, 2017 at 8:26 pm

    Well said sonia. However if you intend taking your new business of motivational writing serious, I’d advice you get someone to correct/edit your write up before posting next time.

  19. Ifeyinwa Atuanya

    January 19, 2017 at 11:26 am

    @Awiase, you are right Marriage doesn’t change anybody rather it enhances the married one or ones

  20. Nationalsquirrel

    January 19, 2017 at 6:50 pm

    This is such empty advise. Enable emotion abuse by looking past things. Pardon it, don’t use your brains.
    She’s such a white/latino/non black woman
    So weak minded.

  21. Looooll

    February 25, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    She will be giving advice when d marriage crashes too…these “celebrities” LMAO

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