Nollywood Actress, Lota Chukwu took to her Twitter page on Tuesday to share a few words of advice for people who keep to themselves and love living their lives in reclusion, thereby shutting out the rest of the world. Being a person like that herself, she explains that she understands the need to keep to oneself more than most, but certain recent circumstances which she explains has caused her to rethink her stance.
Read her tweets below:
How was your day?
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
So, I want to talk about talking about stuff you go through.
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
So today, I got put on blast by my entire family because “your mind is too deep.” What that means is I don’t talk about stuff.
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
This is a character trait I have had for the longest time. I find it so difficult talking about stuff I am going through.
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
I can literally be depressed and lock myself up in my house for weeks and talk to nobody and just be on my own and say “I am fine” if asked.
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
People who know me can tell now when I’m sinking into a hole and when they forcefully try to pry, I lash out.
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
Recently, I had a dear friend who lost his mother to cancer and I’d been there for him for most of the journey of her health troubles…
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
..so I was one of the first people he called to tell she had died. I called him immediately and we talked but subsequently he stopped…
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
…taking calls. I tried to reach him through several means (messages, calls, DMs) but he never responded to any of it.
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
One day, I got really mad at him and I sat down telling myself how he was being super selfish & I’d done my part. I was ready to let him be
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
And then something occurred to me… THIS IS HOW I MAKE EVERYONE ELSE FEEL!! Every time!! I make everyone around me feel handicapped.
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
They see me going through the worst shit and I still smile and say “I’m fine”. I instead try to use reverse psychology & flip the questions
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
It’s not on purpose. I don’t know how to let my guard down. I’ve been through so much so early to know that I’ll always be good.
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
I might get lost in the moment and forget that, but years of being alone teaches you defense mechanisms that seem like superpowers.
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
If you have someone who doesn’t like talking about stuff let them be, give them time. Be there around the periphery of their vision.
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
At their time, they will open up (or maybe not) but just show them they aren’t alone. In actions¬ words. Maybe one day they’ll let you in
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
I hope this thread helps you help a recluse going through shit.
To God be the glory.
The end.
— The Lota Chukwu (@TheLotaChukwu) April 4, 2017
Photo Credit: Instagram – @thelotachukwu
God bless you!
Seems like you honestly peeked into my life at the moment!!! Family and friends have complained so much and I’ve began to see I have a circle around me for a reason. Life is not meant to be lived as as a lone ranger and I’m not built like superwoman ( contrary to what I tell myself. Even superwoman hangs up her cape sometime… abi?. I’m learning….im learning. 🙂
My sister you just described me. Iv pushed people away for so long to protect myself it’s all I know. Thank God for children. They made me open up completely.
“I’ve been through so much so early to know that i’ll always be fine”
Finally ive found a way to describe the feeling. its like going through a phase that you hate but you know you’ll get through it and you dont want to be a burden to others because you believe “they wouldnt understand”. For me, its been God, i’ve learnt to open up to Him and allow him teach me ways to trust the people he sends my way. its not easy but its a journey……
This article describes me; I get overwhelmed being around people. I love my company a lot and most times I’m home by myself. I battle depression quietly but on the outside, I appear strong. I have few friends I never visit cos I hate going out and I don’t attend social events when I’m invited. I don’t know what to do. Sad
Hey! Can we hang out? I assume you are a lady and live in Lagos. I am and I live in Lagos. It will just be two awkward recluses trying to make acquaintances. I also never show up at events because…..but this year I’m trying to be #boldforchange
sure why not………would love that though I’m bereft of ideas when it comes to doing fun things. lol. you can give me your email addy and i’ll holla.
Hey, Bimbola and Mystique can I tag along also?
I feel so lonely sometimes.. But I thrive in my alone time.
Would be nice to connect with like minded sisters.
Hey can I tag along also .. Let’s form a sister’s solidarity.
Lol, we are plenty recluses in this Lagos oh. Its worse when you don’t have a job that takes you out, rather you work from home. However, I decided to go out this year and I’m keeping up with that goal. I’m making friends like everyday and I’m learning to open up to people. If you guys ever need an extra, let me know. I’ll bookmark this page for later. Cheers
@ Bimbola…ok, will holla… @Gem, Oyinlola, drop your email addy too………. let’s do this
As a like minded recluse myself, married with 2 kids and who also battles a little bit of depression sometimes. I can tell you from years and years of experience that making close friendships with fellow recluses whether women or men won’t fare you well contrary to what your mind may tell you.
Yes you will be like kindererd spirits at first but the bond fissles quicker than gas! and the loneliness and rejection will leave you worse than your were before you met them (assuming they left you). Or you get tired of them too quickly which will be likely the case.
You are best off and happier finding a complete opposite of you who is more out going, funfilled, and light hearted who won’t take thing you do too seriously or become unnecessarily fussed over the small stuff 😒.
But look for the kind of out going people or person social who is/are also organised at the same time. They will compliment your reclusive nature and understand penchant for order.
Oyeenbussy@gmail.com. Waiting to hear from you guys
Hey mystique, first time in 6 years commenting on Bella naija, cos this so describes me, will really love to tag along. No one gets you better than people going through the same thing. So would really love to get out of that with sisters by my side. Talk to you soon.
i am exactly like that and i like it and not about to change it. party and gathering just drain my energy and depress me. i like a quiet environment with just my immediate immediate family. after all monday to friday i am with other people at work so i deserve my time alone.
So I’m not the only one who enjoys being alone? I found out I enjoy being on my own than being in a crowd.
I hate crowd; I hate attention on me; I hate publicity or fame. I prefer being in the background, watching things happen and making things happen. I can be in the crowd provided I’m not the centre of attention.
I also prefer to keep things to myself. But I tell God cos He’s the only one that can understand everything what I’m passing through no matter how silly it may sound to the ear. I’ve been like this since I was small and I’m cool with it. No big deal. I’ve learnt to see it as my way of life.
You just perfectly described me.
It’s funny but mine is different, I used to turn up at parties, try to mingle and meet new people but deep inside I know I want to be alone. This year I withdrew from everything, church, socials, friends, I’ve just wanted to be in my own company. My boyfriend wants to get married to me and I’m constantly torn between fighting him off cause i want to be alone, and considering if I can maybe be alone with him. I have never opened up to family about anything so that’s not new, so I changed professions to something that can keep me indoors, save for my sacred Friday movies at the cinemas(alone). I think I’m getting to the point of depression because I don’t know how to deal with people and honestly I’m done trying. I’m a little impatient especially with “slow” people so I’d rather recluse than show my bad character. Nobody has to deal with my baggage.
C’est la vie
lol, i’m also impatient with “slow” people………. maybe someone can research this condition and help us out. BN any chance you’d take the lead??
Emal is bimbola303@gmail.com
Let’s do this 😂😂
I was not trying to be condescending in any manner my dear, I’m impatient period, and if you don’t grab stuff fast enough I lose it. It’s a flaw, I admit it, I’m not ashamed of it, and as I said, I generally avoid people so it doesn’t come through. I wonder why you find it funny
Temprament.
Ezinne please I’d like to know more about that career of yours. I enjoy working on my own and working from home would be a dream. Please help.
It’s computer programming. The most challenging journey I have ever embarked on. Nne you won’t want to go out if your code is not working, and when it does, you want to stay in, drink wine, and continue writing. At least that’s how it makes me feel right now., (html, css, c/c++, mySQL
This sounds like Ezinne Victoria O. If it’s you, this is Oyinlola, I haven’t spoken with you cos I’ve been dealing with loads of shit, I will call you tomorrow night I promise. I’m sorry babe, I owe you one.
If it’s not the Ezinne that lives in Lekki gardens, please ignore. Thanks
Depression is a really big issue. That’s what Lota is going through and she needs to seek help.
Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn’t worth living.
Info gotten from Mayoclinic.org
If you or anyone locks themselves in for weeks and talks to nobody! That’s depression right there and it gets worse if one is not talking to a psychological counsellor or someone who can help. depression isn’t a weakness and you can’t simply “snap out” of it. you can get more info on
Mayoclinic.org
We need help with this issues in Nigeria Depression and suicide.
I am no expert but just thought the info might help someone God bless you all and keep you in good health.
Same here too. I love keeping to myself. Staying indoor.. I don’t mingle with friends.
Exactly. It’s not easy been a loner. It’s hard. I’m. Still battling mine. Even if you tell people your issues, they will mock you.
This posts just mirrored me. I sometimes wish I wasn’t doing that but it always feels safer when your by yourself because with the hurt and pains I can’t even find words to say.
Wow.. we are many ooo…LOL…but really its not a good thing as many opportunities pass you by and you are not ware of it because you are always indoors. One needs to make an intentional effort about going out, making new friends and at the same time loving your own company.. I have also found out that prayers work, take it to the lord in prayer… In other news, Easter is around the corner and also the GTB food fair is also around the corner, go and have fun!
It’s good to see am not alone in this(no pun intended).
@Ezinne you sound like exactly like me. Would be nice to correspond with you as am interested in computer programming and will like to bounce ideas off you.
Wow that’s awesome! Would totally love to. Leave you email, I’ll message you
Would also love to explore mysql. Heard it’s a great programming language for database management. Would love if u can help a sister out. Dazzling me mist rye gmail.com
Would also love to explore mysql. Heard it’s a great programming language for database management. Would love if u can help a sister out. Dazzlingkemistry@gmail.com
Jeez..i thought it was only me,I always look forward to my time alone,watching all the series in this world and drinking a glass of vodka and ribena this is what gives me joy,maybe becuz i gave up on the drama that comes with having friends. I have a few friends but nothing compares to my time alone.
Lool… Until one person opens up.. You’ll never know how many people go through the things you go through…
What is the difference between a recluse and an introvert, what is wrong with loving one’s own space and not allowing outsiders to snoop especially when they do not have any joy to add to you.
I love my space and mingle when I choose to – Family members complain that I am a recluse but at times they turn out to behave like angels with dirty faces just wanting to drain energy.
used to think it was only me that had that trait of being a recluse…….never realized a lot of people experienced same. Jeez. I need to go out more.
I see melancholies.