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Onyinye O: The Person You Love Wants Someone Else

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It goes like this: you like someone, the person doesn’t like you; they like someone else and the person they like, likes someone else.

You? Someone else likes you and you don’t like the person back. Hardly ever are there mutual feelings; which gets me thinking: why do we always find ourselves stuck in a love triangle and should we ever compromise?

Recently, I was chatting with a friend of mine and she was telling me how she has been drooling over a certain guy for years! Now, guess what? She’s dating someone now, and he seems to be all shades of perfect close to perfect and this is me judging based on what I’ve seen and heard. He loves her and would do anything to make sure she’s happy. Now, I’m sure someone might be reading this and saying “abeg, you’re judging from outside. Na the pesin wey wear the shoe know where e dey pinch am”. I knew questions like these would arise. I asked her what was wrong with their relationship, and she confirmed all I thought: Nothing, she just doesn’t feel so passionate and somehow, still wants someone else. However, she’s unsure what the future holds.

Now, I wouldn’t go into the nitty-gritty’s of love, should she stay or nah? Frankly, I have my reservations, but two things stand out to me in these situations.

Number 1: I’ve realised that we, humans, tend to want what we don’t have. Somehow, there’s a fantasy in our heads as to how beautiful and sweet life could be with the things we don’t have.

What’s funny is, most times, when we get these things, we are on top of the world! But, that feeling lasts for just a while. Soon enough, we begin to want something new.

For example, the job you have, or even your car… Or say your phone. Remember how you first felt when you got the phone? PS: I’m not talking about the torchlight phone you’ve always hated o! I’ll bring mine to play. I got a Samsung S4 about 2 months after it was launched, but before I got it, I imagined a whole bunch of stuff. Fast forward to when I held “the baby” in my hand for the first time! How I felt? I can’t describe. I would wake up the next morning looking forward to using the phone.

Now, fast forward again, over 3 years later, I still have the phone. It works well, but I got to know of other phones and I thought, “better specs et al”. I should get an S7 Edge, because I’m a Samsung lover. The S4 felt like old stuff, and I imagined all I could do with the S7.  But I did get a new phone, and that’s because I wasn’t “feeling” the S4 anymore. So much for illustration!

Now, steering the ship back to this conversation, I’m wondering, why do we tend to think life will be better with “the other one we don’t have?” How sure are we that if we got to spend the rest of our lives with this one person we want, things would be better? I’m asking y’all, because honestly, if you ask me this same question, na who I go ask?

Anyway, this brings me to my second point which is:

Is it possible that the things we imagine would make life better with this other person we long for so much exists in this person we are with or whom really likes us and we just don’t see it because they are not the other person? OK. Typing that, I got a little confused myself! Hehe. And trying to break it down would be another epistle so I’ll pass.

One of my very close friends was telling me about one of her favourite songs just yesterday. The name of the song is “If You Like Pina Coladas”. Basically, the story in the song is this: there’s this guy who was bored with his lady as they had fallen into the routine kinda life and he was looking to explore. Amidst this, he came across a newspaper ad with someone stating some specs “if you like Pina coladas, bla bla”, and he was excited. He wrote the person back and they and asked if they could meet up and hook up. As he waited at their agreed meet up point, guess who walked in? His lady! He had no idea they had those things in common till that time; somehow, they hadn’t known each other all round. At this point, certain things are coming to mind, but I refuse to write, because I don’t want this to be too long. Trust me, I could go on and on.

I don’t know. I really don’t know. This was just me thinking out loud after taking a break from writing in a while. Please let me in on your thoughts on this love triangle business. Ever found yourself in such a situation? What did you end up resolving to? You never know, your comment might be all someone needs to help them take that decision. Gracias.

Photo Credit: Vadymvdrobot | Dreamstime.com

Onyinye is a media junkie, beauty enthusiast, realist and aspiring team fitfam champion who glides through life believing that every experience is a learning curve. When she's not working, reading or sleeping, she's constantly typing away on her computer. Get interactive with her. Email: [email protected] Twitter : @theonyinye. Instagram: @beautifulonyinye_.

18 Comments

  1. Fiction Addict

    April 3, 2017 at 1:16 pm

    Love triangle things…

    Fictionaddictbooks.blogspot.com.ng

  2. Xyz

    April 3, 2017 at 2:02 pm

    That’s because we humans are forever wanting things out of our reach. As seen on Facebook, “the reason you are still single is because you are eba and instead of looking for soup, you are chasing chicken and coleslaw up and down”

    • The Real Oma

      April 3, 2017 at 3:01 pm

      Lol, so funny, so apt!

  3. Ugo

    April 3, 2017 at 2:41 pm

    As humans, we are never really out of wanting something new. This is one aspect of being human that makes us human beings. It’s what drives improvement, actually why we are still kicking. It’s also one thing I hate. All in all, we should aim at growing up. That means, making a mental list of what we want in people and going for those, amid some spontaneous distractions every now and then.

  4. C

    April 3, 2017 at 3:09 pm

    I can’t answer those questions myself. there’s this guy that’s in love wt me…in fact it has bn fr yrs now…he’s the kinda guy I can “recommend” or “prescribe” to a friend but then I’m not in love with him nd I’ve never been
    when people ask “why can’t you date him?” I say “I don’t know”
    andr thing is we aren’t all dt compatible. I know ll surely gt bored of him the minute I agree cos even as friends, he doesn’t excite me that much.

    • Audrey

      April 4, 2017 at 3:09 pm

      its really not your fault. Just let him go. If you don’t enjoy him as a friend surely you wont be much happier as lovers.

  5. Aduke

    April 3, 2017 at 3:13 pm

    Sorry to make this post personal but I really need advice. I have been battling with some decisions for some time now. I met this really nice guy. He’s everything a woman wants and prays for. But I just cannot love him back. Believe me, I have tried. My friends think because he is nice, I should stay with him and the love will come but I don’t know if that’s ever going to happen. I’m so confused. I worry that if I let him go, I might not find another one like him. Should I ignore the fact that I don’t love him or just let him go before I cause him more harm since he really wants to settle down this year? Thanks guys.

    • Audrey

      April 4, 2017 at 3:10 pm

      please let him go. There’s no need to wake up everyday always wondering what’s what.

  6. christian sister

    April 3, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    Haven’t we all been here before? Love triangles suck. Sigh.

  7. Jennifer Okundia

    April 3, 2017 at 3:54 pm

    You know this has been on my mind for sometime now and the puzzle keeps me wondering why life is like this. there’s actually a guy that likes me and even wants to marry me, will do anything to make me happy. but i’m scared cos i don’t have a pinch of feeling for him. you know how we ladies are when it comes to emotion..

    ” if i feel nothing for you how can i even let you touch me” sex would be like a chore and rape. now i imagined when i heard Omotola didn’t love her husband before she married him, he had other attributes that endeared him to her. how did she allow him touch her if she didn’t love him back yet? but today their marriage is one that has been free from drama.

    The one you love is wrong for you, treats you anyhow. the one that loves you you don’t love them back. na wa!

    you know sometimes its like why can’t the guy i like be the one that has all these good attributes for God sake! well God’s ways are not our ways and his ways are past finding out.

    • Belgian

      April 3, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      This is not an excuse o. Don’t marry someone you don’t love that’s not what anybody here is trying to say. Omotola was also 18 when she got married so I doubt that’s the model of marriage you want to look to, bearing in mind that she’s a very STRONG woman who’s street smart, aged early as her parent(s) died early, also had a fantastic career that must have come with a lot of money.

    • maureen

      April 3, 2017 at 4:29 pm

      On point

    • Tiana

      April 3, 2017 at 4:34 pm

      I want to love this a million times. I’m in love with a guy who feels Im not the right person for me and its really driving me nuts. I have not been able to date any other person, I have guys who want me and are willing to do anything but my heart is stuck somewhere else. I honestly dont know how to get this guy off my head.

    • Matilda

      April 3, 2017 at 4:35 pm

      Wow you just said it all… We cab never know… Am struggling with that too,but life keep bringing it back here, why do the people I like don’t like me back, n those I don’t like, like me so much just the way I would have wanted… But yet…

    • LemmeRant

      April 3, 2017 at 8:38 pm

      As if any of you actually know what love is.

      Pls tell. This love you’re singing upandan, would you still be singing it if he was broke? or if suddenly had an accident.?

      Abeg free drama for one side. My own is sha nobody should come on this blog and be singing Men are this men are that…. bla bla bla.

  8. darmie

    April 3, 2017 at 4:32 pm

    Same goes for me,I met a guy I really like but he doesn’t even like me one bit and I remember a saying that it’s good to marry someone that loves you more than you love him.I have tried to date this guy that likes me very much but I don’t like him ,but it’s just not working.I pray God answers my prayers soon.

  9. Omie

    April 3, 2017 at 6:02 pm

    This is one of the ‘realest’ articles I have read recently. I don’t really know if we should go for those that like us or go for those we like, or wait till who we like matches with who likes us. I would wait to read more comments.

  10. theo

    April 4, 2017 at 5:14 pm

    I came here seeking answers….still nothing.

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