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“They can’t help but destroy what they touch” – Godwin Tom on Unstable & Broken Men

BellaNaija.com

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Talent and Artist manager Godwin Tom shared an insightful post on his Instagram page about  men who are broken and unstable not because they are bad people who want to be that way but because they do not know what they want and are trying to find themselves.

He wrote

There are mad men walking around in suits and well groomed facial hair. Unstable men. Broken men. They live several different lives to please different situations. Most times they truly mean well. But they can’t help but destroy what they touch. Not because they are bad people, but because they don’t know what they want so they take too much and drop important things. And break them.

They can’t raise children because their actions don’t match their words. They beat their wives. They lie for no reason. They cheat on their wives. They Cannot keep promises because it means they are breaking others in their alternate lives. Honesty stops becoming a virtue but a problem.

Some of these men are great business men. Amazing pastors. Examples to society. But they can’t help themselves. They have problems saying no. Some of them were told men dont cry. So they bottled everything up and imploded. Now they are a mess and they have let so many things slide into their souls and minds, they don’t even know what is causing their problems.

Broken and unstable men find comfort in pain and control. They sit on both sides of the fence and play both sides for fear of losing people or things. They stand for nothing and for everything. I’m sure some of you are reading this and think… “I know this person” or “that’s me”.

Tell them or yourself to find help. Get out of that hole. Dear sister, I know you love him but he will do more harm to you if he does not know who he is.

Find you! #BrokenMen

24 Comments

  1. Mummybobo

    June 14, 2017 at 12:14 pm

    Word hmmmmm

  2. caramel chic

    June 14, 2017 at 12:55 pm

    and #brokenwomen
    we all need healing. We just know we need it. Thats’ the saddest part 🙁

  3. YO

    June 14, 2017 at 1:00 pm

    Now how to send this to the husband anonymously….

    This is completely him.

    • I'mJustSayn'

      June 14, 2017 at 2:13 pm

      Use it as your DP

  4. Prime Babe

    June 14, 2017 at 1:02 pm

    This applies to the female folk too…..and there are many…..girls who are babies but play at being women……then try to patch the cracks with all sorts of behaviour when their brokenness manifest …and there are many….very many

  5. Victor Adegoke

    June 14, 2017 at 1:03 pm

    True Word!

  6. jinkelele

    June 14, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    Well said. Sir. Finally someone addresses this. They need help. All this facade of wholeness

    For broken men may I suggest Christ Jesus.
    Take your brokenness , no more pretence, and lay it before Him ..
    May His wisdom lead you to where help is.
    May Love cover and protect your vulnerability till you Heal

  7. anonymous

    June 14, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    I remember Godwin from way back..

    I had such a huge crush on him because he was a composed and secure man – at least that’s how he came across to me.

    He has every moral right to write what he just wrote.

    Y’all remember, when the lord wants to bless you, he sends a man into your life; when the devil wants to destroy you, he also sends a person.

    I wish that rather than argue and police other people’s lives, we spend time working to become authentic, serene and whole individuals.

    After an emotionally turbulent late teens from 17 -21, I finally found the gift of serenity and a whole sense of self at 25 (my people, it came through fasting, prayer and the word; while my mates would write new year resolutions about being rich etc, I would write down things like ‘this year I want the gift of gentleness; this year I want the gift of a meek and quiet spirit, this year, I want to be blessed with a good heart like the heart of Christ; this year, I want to be healed of all internal wounds, this year I want the gift of beauty and true understanding of what femininity is; not the type make up gives but a beautiful soul that reflects in everything; the woman God made me to be. I would take a concordance and write down all scriptures concerning the new habits I wanted, pray with them and confess them daily till it was formed in my insides).

    Recently, I was somewhere when someone said ‘I cannot tell your temperament, you are really hard to define, you are like an expensive perfume, subtle and strong. I smiled because it was a victory for me. God had heard my prayers and refined me into the person I had become.

    A guy described me by saying ‘you are different; you exude a raw sensuality and sexuality (he actually said ‘come fuck me vibe) at the same time an aloofness that makes people respect you and not speak any how in your presence and no you are not rude at all; you are confident, warm and make people feel at ease and you can also be tough. Babes, you are extremely comfortable in your own skin and that is rare.

    Find yourself people, that authentic sense of self and beauty that is rooted in who God says you are and everything will fall into place; finances, relationships, everything cos when a man is right, his world is right.

    Find yourself.

    • AceOfSpades

      June 14, 2017 at 4:35 pm

      ‘while my mates would write new year resolution about being rich…….’
      Anonymous that shows a subtle part of you that needs cleansing. You still have work to do on yourself because that shows you aren’t very very confident, you just like feeling like you are better than other people.

    • Billionaire in grace

      June 14, 2017 at 4:38 pm

      Thank you dear for point out what the lord has done in your inner spirit

    • Abi

      June 14, 2017 at 8:41 pm

      Are you pleased that a man described you as “come f*ck me”? My sister, such should not be pleasant to the ears of a child of God.

    • Rocio

      June 14, 2017 at 10:34 pm

      LMAO Abi, thank you mouth piece of the Lord. You should know that children of God still have intercourse and in case you didn’t know, being attractive to the person they sleep with, makes the knacks even better. So having a guy say that to her is not a bad thing. I agree he could have phrased it better but I do not see what’s wrong in her having enough sex appeal for him to say that about her.

  8. Ada

    June 14, 2017 at 1:14 pm

    This is my husband ?

  9. Chapter29

    June 14, 2017 at 1:15 pm

    “Tell them or yourself to find help. Get out of that hole. Dear sister, I know you love him but he will do more harm to you if he does not know who he is.”

    thank you

  10. Weezy

    June 14, 2017 at 2:01 pm

    Interesting that a few people response is “God” and “prayers”. Did you not notice Godwin said some of those men are Pastors? There are plenty of broken men who are also Christian.

    • O!

      June 14, 2017 at 2:25 pm

      Doesnt remove from the fact that they need God and prayers

    • anonymous

      June 14, 2017 at 2:30 pm

      Christianity is 1st of all a relationship with God. People know God as different things and that is what he is to them. The poor Lazarus knew God as his righteousness and went to heaven but he never knew God as Jireh and so died a poor man.

      Some people have not invited God to be the lover of their souls and their healer and untill they do, that part of him will never be experienced.

      It’s like the story in the old testament where a prophet asked ‘is there no balm in Gilead?’ people hurt refusing to take the balm of Gilead as theirs.

      When the children of Israel entered the promise land, God ordered that they be circumcised and told them ‘this day have I rolled away the reproach of Egypt’ a lot of children of God suffer brokenness as reproach from past hurts but few have opened up their hearts to him.

      Christianity is an individual and personal race and so we should all invite God to our personal healing and have that father-child relationship with him.

      Jeremiah 3:19; But I said, How shall I put thee among the children, and give thee a pleasant land, a goodly heritage of the hosts of nations? and I said, Thou shalt call me, My father; and shalt not turn away from me.

      To receive the heritage of the kingdom (which is righteousness, peace and Joy; all inner blessings), we need to call him FATHER and have a personal relationship with him.

      I know there are broken pastors and all, but can we all know God for ourselves and pray for others who are weak, admonishing them in love if need be? Have we ever upheld our pastors and other members of the body of Christ in prayer? This christian life is a love walk and at the end of the day, we are a family.

      Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

      I’ll leave you with the song from BLW ‘Let the world see Jesus/heaven in your eyes, show them love that they can’t deny’.

    • B

      June 14, 2017 at 3:03 pm

      that they’re pastors doesn’t mean they have a relationship with God or are god fearing…

  11. Whatever

    June 14, 2017 at 3:19 pm

    @Weezy, there is a difference between really having the life of Christ in you and playing church. They can be Christians/ pastors and not have the life of Christ in them.

    Nice write up. The truth is, you cannot give what you don’t have.

  12. Papermoon

    June 14, 2017 at 3:23 pm

    God and prayer still work, always!!!! . If you are a man of God and you don’t asked God to take your bad temper away from you, you will struggle with it. You have to ask God to help you, or you have to cast it all upon him, our better still, hand your self over to him and tell him to make you perfect. ANONYMOUS, thank you for being a blessing this afternoon.

  13. madman

    June 14, 2017 at 3:45 pm

    my father is a very broken man. broken men never deal. you just learn to deal with them.

  14. ChampagneAtSunset

    June 14, 2017 at 4:21 pm

    @anonymous. Good for you for seeking out and finding yourself at just 25. That’s impressive. Everything you described is how I aspire to be perceived. A lot of internal healing still underway and I’m trying hard to stay committed to the growth process. Self confidence is the singular best thing a person can gift themselves. There’s nothing sexier than a grounded, humble, self confident human being.

  15. Mark

    June 15, 2017 at 12:13 am

    The validity of this stems from the fact that it is rarely talked about. We seldom talk about men’s issues. We unconsciously believe they are perfect beings and give all the advice in the world to only women; we tell them how to act, how to groom themselves and point out their flaws. Its refreshing to see the tables turn. The mental state of men needs to be addressed more often due to the way society perceives men. From the door; the outset, they are viewed as the stronger being so the expectations are pretty much cut out for themselves – never show your weakness, never cry, never give in to failure. Forgetting the fact that our flaws are what solidify the human in us. Its ok to show your weakness. Its ok to cry. It ok to fail. Its are all imminent learning phase every human being must go through to be a better version themselves. MORE PLEASE!!!!!!!!

  16. Linston

    June 15, 2017 at 3:10 pm

    This is my first time of commenting and I can say it takes the Grace of God to come out of painful relationships with a seemingly good man who is broken within and therefore seeks to destroy every lady in his path. He speaks well, has a great sense of humour and is a pathological liar. He lies about everything and God knows that i knew the truth yet prayed for him to change. Luckily I advised myself to leave the relationship before it drives me crazy.
    I didn’t know how the relationship affected my self esteem until I started dating again. Good things, sometimes come is unappealing packages. I mean this new man was very good to me and encouraged me to see myself through the eyes of God. He told me things I didn’t know about myself and I began to feel great about myself again. I later found out he was married and immediately ended my relations with him… I must say that he blessed my life with his presence.
    It’s been 8 months since I met the man who calls me MY AMAZING WOMAN, and we both love and understand ourselves. We are also believing God for a wonderful life together some time in the near future…

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