In line with this generation’s love for categorizing every nuance was the birth of Situationships. No, this is not “Talking” nor Friends with Benefits, nor F**k Buddies. Think relationship limbo; no expectations while taking up ‘relationship-esque’ roles in a person’s life.
This is serious business, so let’s define it. According to Cosmopolitan, Situationship is the catch-all term for those relationships sitting at the intersection of “hooking up” and “in a relationship.” Now, some of you might astonishingly query “why would I or anyone want to get into a Situationship?” Well, for one you’re probably already in one. Secondly, some people enjoy adding stress to other people’s peaceful lives. Thirdly, some people like adding stress to their own lives; and since we aim to serve our diverse audience, I am here for you.
This how to get into a Situationship.
Go with the Flow
Lack of communication is the most important way to get yourself into a Situationship. Defining expectations and goals from both partners in courtship or dating will set you back from being in a Situationship. The best kind of dating is one where both parties or more waste each other’s time, #wastetheirtime2017.
See ehn, the stress of communication is real, and in relationships, you have to pick what type of stress you want to deal with – either the stress of communicating or the stress of wondering exactly what you’re doing.
You can begin the lack of communication strategy from the onset. For example: when you say you want to be in a relationship, he responds that he also wants to be in one, but will like to take his time. Don’t ask what him what “take my time is,” go with the flow.
In the event you’ve already made the mistake of communicating expectations in the beginning, it’s not too late. You can implement this strategy later on – like when you’ve caught feelings, or when you’re a couple for 1 year, without the title of “relationship,” or when you realise you’re not compatible with the person, stay silent.
Put your partner first; your feelings are irrelevant if you want to get into a Situationship. Lastly, If there’s anything you take from this, never, ever ask, “What are we?” It really bothers people. What if he/she responds, “We are pencils in the hands of God,” what will you do then? The fear of the unsaid is the beginning of the wisdom to stay away from such inquisitive conversations.
Regardless, we should never put pressure on people into wanting to be with us, it’s generally not a good way to start a relationship anyway, so seriously, go with the flow!
Head Vs Heart
We date to essentially ‘get to know,’ and however we use the information from getting to know, depends on whatever expectations or goals you and your partner are working to achieve. In the quest to get to know, the heart and brain are on different levels; your heart is excited when he buys you expensive gifts, but your head reminds you he’s jobless and has a fondness for his computers. You’re a romantic, so you ignore your head, but your head doesn’t give up on you. You wake up every day knowing you are compromising yourself in ways you know isn’t right or realistic, all to be with this person. You’re smart, so you know you can’t be in a relationship with this person, but you stay because… Heart. You find comfort in reassuring yourself that you can control the outcome but time pass, and your heart is making a mockery of that cloak, this is how to effectively get into a Situationship.
In fact, you don’t even need to worry about dealing with communicating your expectations or goals, seeing as you can’t even identify what you want and make a decision based on it. You’re stuck using cliches that cancel out your reasons for staying and knowing you should leave, stuck in between “Love isn’t enough” and “Love is about compromising.” You don’t realize the funny thing about cliches is, there’s one to justify any decision. This confusion sets you on a path of emotional roller coating daily. My dear, stay confused; you’re doing great.
Don’t Set Boundaries
Some relationship experts insist boundaries are necessary for healthy relationships, but what do they know? They say establishing boundaries creates roadmaps for navigating through relationships. It is said to be especially necessary for new relationships or courtships as agreeing on limits reduces the chance of straying into gray areas, gray areas that are hard to define in casual dating situations.
Boundaries like those relating to sexual activities, decisions about being exclusive or not, roles expected to perform, time limits and so on are encouraged to be established. Boundaries are supposedly for you just much as your partner(s) as it helps to pace your process, saving you from being drained from giving too much. However, boundaries can also be created by things left unsaid, and since communication is a no go, you can infer this is the path to get into a Situationship.
In fact, forget all that boundary talk entirely. Understand dating is a game, a game to win a title and the only way to win is to give one’s all. Be their parent, lover, and friend all at once, what is a boundary? Even when non-exclusivity has been established, inspire them to be exclusive with you by being exclusive, (Insert cliche: lead by example.) Cook, clean, provide, protect, inspire, love them into loving you (Insert Cliche: Prove your worth.) In conclusion, boundaries are established to prevent the other person from falling for you, ignore it and attack.
Settle for Comfortability
She burns your Jollof rice just right, where it tastes like party rice; she doesn’t complain when you text her once a day now, so beautiful; and her tongue, oh her tongue could make a snake jealous… but the last conversation you had with her revealed dating you hasn’t changed her position. She still sees you as a ‘friend I can depend on.” You want more, but you’re comfortable in what is already established, so why ruin it? You’re right, don’t. You don’t need a title… oh actually there’s already a title for it – Situationship. Regardless, Situationship is not settling, in the words of Leslie Okoye, “there is no perfection, those that remain single for a long time are those that keep pointing blame at somebody,” so stick through the process.
Have you already been Situationship? What’s your story? Share to help others get into a Situationship.
Photo Credit: Ian Allenden | Dreamstime