Nkem Says: Preferring a Partner with Money Doesn’t Mean You’re a Gold Digger

I recently received a phone call from one of my close friends who lives in Abuja. The last time we spoke, she had hinted on the fact that she would be visiting Lagos this Easter, so I was a little excited. It turned out she was calling to let me in on her flight details, and to my surprise she said to me that she was visiting with a couple of her friends who had never visited Lagos before. She said she also thought I would like one of the guys.

It was clear she already had plans to hook me up with the guy.  And  considering that I am single, I was a little excited. To avoid disappointment, I asked her a few questions.

One of the questions I asked was what he does for a living and how much he possibly makes; to that she responded: Why are you asking for that? Should it matter?” I said to her: “Yes, It does. I don’t want a broke dude”.

She paused for a few seconds, then  started to lecture me on how I should not be like the shallow minded Lagos girls who are superficial, too blind to see someone’s potential and only value a man for his financial status.

I could see where she was going, how she was trying to imply that I’m a gold digger, and shame me for it. I said: “Baby girl, I get that you believe you are giving me good advice, but I am going to do you a solid and stop you right there. First, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me being concerned about a potential date’s financial status. At this point in my life, I am not going to hook up with anyone I don’t see a possibility with…and I want a possibility  with someone whose  account is solid and better than mine.  Secondly, as for the “potential”, I would rather be with a man for his reality rather than his potential; that way there is no chance of me getting disappointed or frustrated if the “potential” does not pan out. I haven’t asked if he owns the world or if he is Mark Zuckerberg, I only let you know that I do not want someone who is financially lacking. It is what I want, It doesn’t make me a bad person, you shouldn’t try to shame me for it”

People need to understand that every girl who likes expensive things or wants to have a successful and financially stable man by her side is not a gold digger. Yes, there are gold diggers all over this place in their Giuseppe Zanottise and Beyoncé worthy thousand-dollar hair extensions and wigs, but here is the difference: a good and smart woman appreciates a man’s financial resources, but a gold digger only appreciates his financial resources.

When you want to build a life with someone, you need to be able to rely on him or her physically, mentally, emotionally and yes, at times, financially. Knowing that you can ask your man for things is a lovely feeling for both you and the man. You feel protected and he feels he has played his part.

By saying that I do not want a broke man, I’m not saying I want someone I can leech on. There is nothing as unattractive as a freeloader. I would never coast along on some guy’s money, so I don’t want anyone in my life who could possibly do that to me. I am not unwilling to play my role in being smart and independent in my own right, either.

Personally, I take a guy’s lack of money in his adult years as a serious indication of problems in other areas. It could be a sign that he has issues that have kept them from having stable employment. Wouldn’t it be preferable to go with a guy who has a good pay cheque, knowing that they would probably be a better match?

Even more, if he is that unmotivated and reluctant to do what it takes to hold down a good job or succeed for himself, how will he step up in the relationship? Will he be proactive and work on our problems together, or take the same passive approach that he has taken in his career? These are questions that warrant careful consideration.

The broke guys who tend to shame women for “gold digging” tend to be very misogynistic, hateful, and unmotivated to actually improve their lives. Yes, sometimes people have setbacks. Stuff happens. Life happens. But it is all about the ambition and the drive. If 99% of the time if you’re still borrowing money from your people or freeloading, you are bad news.

No woman should ever feel compelled to be with a guy who is not financially capabale simply because she is afraid of what people will think of her. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with wanting a guy who is finically stable. It does not make you a gold digger It makes you financially smart! It is what it is.