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Who comes first – Your Partner or Your Kids? Adaeze Yobo wants to Know

BellaNaija.com

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Former beauty Queen Adaeze Yobo has an interesting question for us today.

She wants to know who comes first in your life, your spouse or your kids? For her she says her husband is her priority, although she feels uncomfortable saying it sometimes.

She wrote:

Hey lovers ?

Sooo i have this very uncomfortable question that I sometimes struggle with the answer.Who do you think should come first in your life, your Spouse or your kids and why? *dudududuuun?
?‍♀️
For me, my husband comes first but I feel uncomfortable saying it sometimes? I don’t know if it’s same with him cos he is obsessed with all our kids. maybe I’ll ask him cc @jyobo234??‍♀️

So BellaNaijarians, what do you think? Who comes first? Let us know in the comment section.

Photo Credit: @adaezeyobo

18 Comments

  1. Charles Nwolisa

    April 17, 2018 at 4:10 pm

    The question is, “who was joined with you in Holy Matrimony? You and your spouse or you and your kids?” Who did the Bible say “two will become one? You and your spouse or you and your kids?”

    Children are the blessings of marriage.
    Companionship is the purpose of marriage.

    Choosing a blessing over a purpose is like attending a wedding because you want to eat jollof rice and collect souvenir (the blessing) instead of celebrating the union of the newly wedded couple (the purpose).

    Hierarchy of a successful/happy marriage:
    1. God
    2. Spouse
    3. Children
    4. Yourself.

    Love your kids but give your heart to your spouse.

  2. ProudNigerian

    April 17, 2018 at 4:11 pm

    It’s your better half. When the kids are grown they will leave you both only. If your spouse is a SPOUSE if not face your kids you cannot come and go and come again and kill yourself.

    • omomo

      April 17, 2018 at 4:23 pm

      As in ehn…the kids are loyal …dont know about the spouse yo…

  3. Lilo

    April 17, 2018 at 4:27 pm

    How about putting yourself first? Only the best version of me can be of any value to others.

    • Olu

      April 17, 2018 at 5:42 pm

      OK..you first.

      Who is the second?

  4. Dt

    April 17, 2018 at 5:14 pm

    I think given that you wanted the kids. They should be your priority. This is however not a black and white answer, someone already pointed out that kids grow and live their lives. At that point, I think your spouse then moves up the ladder of affection. You are however always number one

    • Anonymous

      April 17, 2018 at 9:11 pm

      Okay, so you put your full attention on the children while the romance/love died within that 18+ years that you raise those children and you think you can just go back to that man and it would be the same? Good luck to you.

  5. Babym

    April 17, 2018 at 5:30 pm

    Hmmmm it is actually a tricky question and I don’t think the answer is that black and white lol. I think there r just sometimes when u put ur spouse first and other times it’s ur kids and other times (very few) it’s ur damn self lol. For example if we were in a burning building best believe I’m saving my kids first!! Not even debatable and I’m sure hubby will do the same. But when it come to planning life in general, life goals and what not, Hubby and I are a team and so in that regard he comes first. I think if u and ur spouse are on the same page it wouldn’t be. Hard to put him or her first cus in that setting, ur darling children benefit tremendously from Mummy and Daddy getting their act together. But I think I’m most cases where ppl choose their kids completely over their spouse is where the spouse is acting like a complete donkey! In that case u shld rightfully put ur kids first abeg.

  6. Olu

    April 17, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    Because the kids are dependent as kids, more attention should be given to them in my opinion and I’d expect the spouse to understand.

    But who’s more important? I’ll say the spouse because the kids wouldn’t be alive without both parents (I’m not talking about sperm donors o).

    Also, kids, will go and make a life with other people then you’d be left with THAT spouse.

    Simple: DONT ignore your spouse because of the kid(s). I’m happy and I want my iyawo to give the kids motherly affection ..but she still makes time out for ‘us’ …and vice versa.

  7. Tutu

    April 17, 2018 at 6:18 pm

    God, myself, spouse and then kids. In that order

  8. californiabawlar

    April 17, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    Ideally, you should be each other’s priority… together, they should be yalls priority. There’s no reason why the kids should mean more to either husband or wife more than the other. Discussions and responsibilities should be together… ideally, of course…

  9. Tatafo!

    April 17, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    Adaeze you better put your hubby first lol. We don’t want to hear divorce or cheating super story!

    • Olivia

      April 18, 2018 at 12:09 am

      LOL do you know the number of women who treated their husbands like kings and still got cheated on? Abegee! At least kids don’t cheat

  10. Tijanee Olalekan

    April 17, 2018 at 11:17 pm

    Your spouse. It’s as simple as alphabets. Nor drag am abeg. Just train your kids and make your husband the priority with love.

  11. Omega

    April 18, 2018 at 12:02 am

    -Which is more permanent?
    -A spouse can leave or betray you at anytime. It doesn’t matter if you give up your life for the spouse. Don’t we hear stories like that all the time? “I was with him when he was nothing yet he left me for another woman?” “I gave her everything she wanted and she still got pregnant for another man?”
    -Yes, children do harm their parents. However, your spouse is more likely to betray you than your child is. People need to stop being naive because it happens all the time.
    -You don’t stop being a parent once your child hits 18. Yes, you won’t be as involved in their lives as you were when they were kids, but you’ll always be their parent. If you were truly a good parent, they’ll still occasionally come to you for advice. You’ll always be a mother/father.
    -However, you could stop being a spouse at anytime! If your spouse dies or divorce happens, you wont be a spouse anymore.
    -No good mother will put their husband’s needs before their child’s.
    -If you were having sex with your husband and your child starts crying in his/her room, do you mean to tell me you will ignore the cries of the child and continue having sex?
    -If your husband/wife wanted to have date night and your child was sick, you mean you would leave the sick child at home to go out with your husband?
    -If you had money and your wife needed a new car and your child needed to pay their school fees, do you mean to tell me you would allow your child to stay at home whiles your wife gets a new car?
    -If God forbid your husband was abusive to your child, you mean you would take your husband’s side and allow your child to be abused?
    -You mean in your house, you feed your husband before your child?

    -I want to believe every good parent will answer “NO” to the questions above. Unless I’m misunderstanding what “putting your spouse first” actually means (if I am, I’d like those who do that to give me examples to illustrate what it looks like), then it’s not feasible to be a good parent AND put the needs of a spouse before that of a child.

    However, it’s important to have time for your spouse. For instance, my husband and I like to have date night at least once a month and by 8, our kids are in bed so we can just watch a nice movie, have a drink or two, etc and unwind and bond. But we both unequivocally agree that THE NEEDS OF THE KIDS COME FIRST! The hallmark of every good parent is the ability to sacrifice.

  12. Olivia

    April 18, 2018 at 12:07 am

    To me, the answer is quite simple; if push came to shove and it really came down to it, who would you give up your life for? Your husband or your child? The one you can give up your life for is the one you love enough to do anything for, and invariably that person comes first in your life.

  13. Ottawa Queen

    April 18, 2018 at 2:40 am

    The spouse comes first in the marriage before the children. Look at it this way, if you want to make a decision in the house regarding certain things, who do you discuss with first? Your last born??

    • Vanessa

      April 18, 2018 at 12:26 pm

      So that means your husband is more important to you than your kids?

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