Connect with us

Features

Mobolaji Olorisade: An Open Letter to Those Who Have Lost Their Mothers

Published

 on

It’s been six months since my mummy died. Six whole months without a single call, without a scold, without seeing her dance her weird dance when she’s happy. Six months without walking into her shop to see her face light up.

It’s been six months without many things I have always known and always done. But this letter isn’t about me. It was written for you: you whose mother has died.

First, it’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself.

I remember a few weeks after my mum passed. I couldn’t believe that I did not suspect that she was dying. How could I have gone to the hospital that Sunday morning without a single clue that my mother was gone? How can I claim to be spiritual if I could not even suspect that one of the most important person’s in my life was leaving?

So many ‘If I had…’ thoughts plagued me and I’m guessing a lot of those thoughts hit you too, especially if the loss is still so fresh, but I want you to know that it’s really not your fault.

You’ll never be able to move past the hurt and crazy pain if you wake everyday with the weight of guilt on your shoulders.

Think about it, your mum would have wanted you to live a wholesome and satisfying life and that can never happen if you always bow your head in guilt and self-hate. I believe I’ve gotten to the point where I know that my mum would be so proud of how far me and my sisters have come. This is not to say that it has been easy, because it has not. I cry as I write this very piece. But because I’ve learned to live above the blame and guilt, it has strengthened me and helped me to appreciate the small things of life.

I know it’s easier said than done, but I hope you find the wholeness you deserve. I hope this pain propels you and doesn’t drown you.

Second, your dreams don’t have to die with your mum.

I remember texting my sister a few days after my mum’s death that I didn’t see the point of living. I didn’t get the point of coming here to go through stuff and just leave. I felt like I did not have the right to dream big dreams again. Who was I to enjoy or even do life without my mummy?

In all honesty, a part of me still feels like some of my dreams have died with her, dreams and prayers I had prayed for many years that will not be realized here. Dreams of her meeting my husband and taking care of my children, all those are gone now.

But what about the dreams I had as a individual?

I don’t ever want to live like my mother never existed. I don’t ever want to forget her, and I wouldn’t, but I know without doubt that she’ll have wanted me to dream greater and mind blowing dreams because of this. I can even see her angry face if I ever tried to be less than the person God has called me to be.

If you also feel like I did few months ago, as if all your dreams are dead, too, and there’s no point to life, I’ll leave you with what my sister said to me: This is the time to dream. Take this pain and turn it into something beautiful. Go after life with zest and become a better version of yourself. Let the reality that you’ll actually not always be here drive you to take more intentional steps.

Take yourself out, be more vulnerable, allow new friends into your life, give that person a chance to love you, travel more, hone your skills; do what it takes to truly enjoy and get better at life. I’m certain that’s what your mum and my mum would have wanted.

This can be the beginning of new things if you let it.

Love and light,
Mobolaji.

Mobolaji Olorisade is a creative who thoroughly enjoys writing. She works as a Communication and Marketing Lead and recently started @WritersNeeded, a writing services and communication company to help professionals and organizations thrive. You’ll often find her hidden thoughts on omobolaji.com.

17 Comments

  1. Chichi

    November 21, 2018 at 11:53 am

    So sorry for your loss. For me it has been 1 year and 10 months and honestly I felt that guilt too, even though her demise was over a couple of months. It’s never easy but trust the process. You will never forget her if anything when ever I have new experiences I see how I would of gist with her about it or how I would of experienced them with her. Now I see her in her happiest times and think ‘what would mummy do” when I’m stuck with something. She will always be there. And you will soar because she is not able to. Thanks for this piece, comforting words.

  2. sope

    November 21, 2018 at 12:26 pm

    I’m so sorry about your loss. I lost my mum some 14yrs ago, So I guess the pain eases over time, but I can’t lie I still miss her so so much…

  3. Tush

    November 21, 2018 at 2:19 pm

    It’s been 3 years and 7 months now. And sometimes I hate myself for thinking about her everyday still. Everything reminds me of her and it still hurts. My birthday is not the same again without her there to call me to pray for me. I never used to pick any call before hers came. I love you so much mum wish u stuck around to meet your grand daughter . Tobi is doing fine and in Canada now, still figuring out how to be a mum and sis to Olamide. You were the only one dat understood her. But I keep trying for you.

  4. Remi

    November 21, 2018 at 2:20 pm

    🙁 🙁 Its been six years since my mum passed away.. I have a lot to say but I am still speechless.

  5. Evergreen

    November 21, 2018 at 2:39 pm

    Bolaji, I am so sorry about Mummy, may her soul rest in peace and may God give you the strength to bear the loss. I am sure mummy would be so proud of you because you have a good heart. as well as your sisters. Yemi’s friend from Jos

  6. Imoh Eboh

    November 21, 2018 at 5:29 pm

    My mum passed 7 months and 21 days ago. My chin is resting on a pillow I didn’t allow her touch. For a whole year, my mum wanted so many things and I though it was weird. This pillow was sent in by a friend, a one time admirer and I was not ready to use it just yet. I wanted to move into my personal house first… but I’m using it on my mum’s former bed. Amongst many things I allowed her do, this pillow should have been one of them. My mum loved me sooooooooo, that she couldn’t hide her affection, even when it had to do with things that belonged to me.
    I remember how she would call me to get on the floor for her to make my hair, I totally enjoyed those moments and relive them today. I will stop feeling bad about this pillow. I am happy I let her in a lot.

  7. Bunmi

    November 21, 2018 at 8:17 pm

    I lost my dearest Mom about 4months and 22days ago.
    I still cry a lot. Even though she was sick for a while, nothing prepares you for the loss of a great Mother. I couldn’t pray for months afterwards, I was so angry at everyone including myself. She gave a lot of herself to people around her. It’s truly tough but God will help us all.

  8. Leo

    November 21, 2018 at 10:59 pm

    I lost my mom when I was 13, I was in boarding school when she died, I wasn’t told about her death until a whole term passed , I had my dad come visit on visiting days without her and when I asked he’ll be like she had some business trips to make …. etc
    I’m 37 now , anytime I remember how I was told about her death , I cry uncontrollably , I could be in the kitchen washing dishes or cooking once I remember tears will be flowing like a river….
    You never get over it especially if she died young, she died at the age of 36.
    I miss her everyday, I had to learn things the hard way or by trial / error e.g no elderly help when I had my kids …. when I had my babies I did all the bathing myself as young as 3 days old.
    But God has been good , God stood myself and siblings …. he showed us he’s the mother to the motherless .

  9. Dayo

    November 22, 2018 at 3:02 am

    3 years and counting. How time flies…

    Mom died suddenly when I was supposed to be away but the US Embassy screwed up my passport renewal. What a blessing that turned out to be! It is important for us to remember that though we grieve, we also should celebrate their glorious lives. ,Death is inevitable but those we love shall forever remain with us, for love itself lives on and those we love can never be more than a thought apart. And as long as there is memory, Mom will live on in my heart.

  10. Ekene

    November 22, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    my mom left September 3,2018,her body was buried last month, I sleep in her room, wear her rings,slippers, is still so strange,am the only girl, the clothes she would have worn for my trad is still with the tailor, it really hurt, but God consoled me, she was sick for a long time till her transition. we really had a strong bond. I can assure u all that God is our only comfort, roman 8;21-end. is well with us.

  11. Josie

    November 22, 2018 at 9:39 pm

    For myself and my little sister, its been a painful year and 11months and I still can’t bring myself to recover. I pray the Lord helps me…??

  12. Kenny James

    November 22, 2018 at 11:03 pm

    May God give you aLl the strength from above, help you all at the very point of your needs and comfort you all at every point.

  13. Ephi

    November 23, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    For everyone who has shared their story, I am so sorry for your loss and I pray God’s special comfort for you and yours. Amen.

  14. Gbemisola

    November 23, 2018 at 10:06 pm

    It’s been four years and four months without my mum, then it all seem bleak, hopelessness took over, but somehow light came through, I got on my toes and got better. I realised she wouldn’t be happy watching me in the sad state, so I braced up. Life happens and losing your mother is one of such things, may you find all the strength you need at this time.

  15. Dee

    November 24, 2018 at 11:34 am

    It’s been a whole 18years since I lost my mum
    Everyone says time makes it easier
    People who say that don’t understand
    Time doesn’t heal
    Time is cruel
    It punishes
    We sentence people to time
    It doesn’t make it any easier
    We just look for ways to make it hurt a little less. I miss you Mum❤️

  16. Adesuwa

    November 25, 2018 at 2:17 am

    I senior all of you una? My mother died shortly after I was born, hence I never met her. And it’s been 27 years now. But one thing I thank God for is the dad he gave me and the loving people he surrounded me with. Now when I remember her, I just thank God for how far he has brought me. He has moulded me into a well-rounded young woman.

  17. shaday

    November 26, 2018 at 6:12 pm

    Wow. Lost my dad just a month ago and I thought time would heal me but with these comments, I doubt that very much. He was sick for a while but his faith was so strong, we thought he would eventually get well, He was even strong for us all during his sickness until death came and snatched him. I don’t look forward to missing him because my heart wrenches anytime I think of him and it looks like it’s gonna be forever. I hope he knew I loved him even more than I loved myself.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Get The Pan-Atlantic Advantage

A Full Lifestyle & Entertainment Magazine…We COVET Fashion

Visit www.leadtra.com/conference to Register for the Upcoming Conference

Jokes Alone with guests Mr P, CDQ, & Patrick Salvador!

Star Features

Advertisement
css.php