#BNCampusSeries: Oluwaseun Ojo is Worried about the Uncertainty of Life After University  

Editor’s note: For the next 3 months, we’ll accept and publish students’ experiences on Nigerian campuses through the #BNCampusSeries. Beyond the four walls of the classrooms, so many things happen on campus, and our goal is to document the various aspects of this phase. The BellaNaija Campus stories will explore academics, finances, love, school anxiety, mental wellness, relationships, and everything in between, and we invite you to be a part of our effort to share the diverse experiences of campus life.

Today, Oluwaseun Ojo, a student at the University of Ilorin shares his battle with imposter syndrome and the fear of life after graduation. Read his story.

A lot of memories crossed my mind on Thursday evening, the night before my last paper as a Law undergraduate. Those memories crawled up on me and made me restless. My mind was occupied with many scenarios and memories about my journey so far. I had a paper the following day, but these memories lingered so much that I was unable to focus on preparing for my last paper, and it reflected in how I attempted my exam questions – half-minded.

The dominant among the memories was the one about times I would call my mother, crying and telling her I wanted to go home. It felt like I could no longer cope and I was tired and ready to give up. I did that at least twice. And she’d respond, “Persevere. You will make it by God’s grace. Allah will consider the greatness of love He has for Muhammed, His friend, and lead you through the journey.” She would complete her prayers with “Laola wa laa kuwata…”

I believe in prayers but it is hard to believe in what’s not seen. As my classmates rejoiced and hoped to write the final papers,  my mind could not stop thinking about our classmates who could not make it through. It humbles me because I could barely pinpoint a particular factor that disqualified them from being part of our celebration today. Was it financial difficulty? Mental health challenges? Depression or confusion? Or just village people’s doing? University life is full of uncertainties yet we all came here with a certain goal. It amazes me how, within our brief years on campus, a lot can go wrong or right.

I have been thinking and scared about the future. I have been asking myself whether I would make it through the next stage as I did this. I know there is no guarantee but I am full of hope that the next too will be a success. After the next, how about the next next? Am I not going to be a fallen hero in the next battle? Being oblivion about the future makes it crushing. Does making it out of a battle mean you won’t lose the next? 

The future is tricky but, every day, I envisage and prepare an amazing one for myself. I need to work hard to prepare for the fight ahead because life is an indestructible adversary. I need to do my best so I don’t get crushed under its heavy cub. I need to build myself so well that when my chances start coming, they will not meet me unprepared.

I am scared. Despite the tons of congratulations I received, I can feel lumps of fear in my throat. I am scared of what to show for this achievement. I am confident that I will give myself the best I’m capable of, but how many gave their best and still came back with nothing? I have started asking questions and proposing meetings with my mentors whom I believe I can seek guidance. I have been praying too. And while I don’t know what the future holds, I believe it is also important to bask in this moment, to feel the rush of excitement of crossing a border. Yes, a lot of people didn’t make it through, but we should acknowledge the opportunity someone like me has. While the future is blurry and full of uncertainties, it gives us the option to anticipate either the negative or the positive. The choice is yours to make. For now, I feel good. I feel good.