Must Watch Video! Media Personality Toke Makinwa speaks on the “Married Woman Syndrome” – Guidelines for Single Ladies

Toke Makinwa - Instagram - BellaNaija

Media personality Toke Makinwa is back with another fun and interesting video.

Have you ever wondered why some of your friends change after they get married? Well Toke gives all the single ladies the scoop on how best to deal with such friends who have the “Married Woman Syndrome”.

Check it out!

Photo Credit: Toke Makinwa on Instagram

112 Comments on Must Watch Video! Media Personality Toke Makinwa speaks on the “Married Woman Syndrome” – Guidelines for Single Ladies
  • I no send you March 29, 2013 at 11:23 am

    Thumbs up toke. Its sooooooooooo true kmft. I had a friend funny enough her own name is toke she is a McUser, McFaker & McTaker…… I was her maid of honor, before her wedding we was close infact too close. After her wedding the bish changed she cut me off after she don use me dry. I no send if she is looking down at me for not being married yet. ‘I dont need to marry for papers’ my red pali is solid. Dont even get me started on her alcholic and womaniser hubby, thats her own cup of gari. I dont understand why chicks change after getting marriage and its always those chicks that are born and bread in naija and move to uk to do masters or undergrad. My bestie is married and she did not change and trust me we dont discuss her home or her hubby. Its all about matuarity and your level of wisdom. Simples!

    • No Nonsense March 29, 2013 at 2:38 pm

      The irony is u’re talking about maturity and “your level of wisdom” yet u felt the need to announce to the world that u av red ‘pali’ and it’s so ‘solid’. Girl please! nobody cares about ur pali here so zip it! You sound so silly and naive no wonder the girl used and dumped u. All the palis in the world wouldn’t change your mentality (shaking my head)

    • SASSYCASSIE March 29, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      I can see why she dropped you as a friend. With friends like you who needs enemies. Agbaya!!

    • I no send you March 29, 2013 at 4:15 pm

      @ no nonesense & sassycassie CRY ME A RIVER long hiss!

      • I no send you March 29, 2013 at 4:17 pm

        *nonsense

  • reGina March 29, 2013 at 11:26 am

    Not that am hating, but toke follow your own advice and lets see how it works out. I dont know how other married woman acts, but i know that as a married woman my priorities changed once i married, i had a home and family to take care of. I didnt have the time to sit and gossip much, or go clubbing and sometimes marriages can be hurt when married women maintain mostly single women as friends. My sister held on to her single friends until one day her her husband came and confessed he slept with 4/5 of her friends and that one was pregnant for him and that she should forgive. My sister forgave. What am saying is that each marriage is different and so are the individuals that enter it. Many single friends have ruined so many of their friends marriages, mainly because they want what their friends have and can never get. What our generation forgets or is forgetting, is that marriage is for better for worse. A couple who truely love eachother will try to make their marriage work even if one of them is a cheat,liar, and so on. That is why the vows of love states that it forgives all things. So Toke your advice can be associated with women who have no culture like ours, and who dont know much about their biological clock. Though its advisable to find the one God made for us, it is also wise to do it on time, so that childbirth would be easier and more possible. anyways to each their advice, but i say to you try ur advice and have all the fun you want, and then get married, but dont forget time is not your friend and that it is honorable to be a married woman in holy matrimony with children, than to be knocked up and have children out of wedlock.

    • Hear March 29, 2013 at 11:48 am

      I’m sure in your head you made sense…. So you think you’re better than unmarried people? Maybe you were a bad friend moving with your kind, which would explain ditching your single friends. I still have same friends, and they’re the best.

    • Eniyan March 29, 2013 at 11:49 am

      I couldn’t help but think how silly the story you told about your sis’ hubby sleeping with 4/5 of his wife’s friends made it a problem that she hung out with her single friends. Simply put, he is a callous ashewo and so are they. He doesn’t respect the institution of marriage and neither do they. Women like that will sleep with other men even if they were married (just like ur sis husband). I won’t even go into her forgiving such arrant nonsense.

      I don’t know why women must feel like other women are a threat to any male species they are affiliated to. Men r not babies and you don’t always ve to be running around and hiding females from them. They will cheat because they want to, simples (the same goes for the women).

    • Ngoozi March 29, 2013 at 12:02 pm

      Mehn from reading this, I can tell you have been patronizing Nollywood A LOT! It’s not the single friends only that ruin marriages abi you don’t know that some married people cheat with other married people? Truth is its down to the basic fact that if your single friend sleeps with your husband then homegirl it’s not because she is single, it’s because she is a BAD FRIEND! If you’ve jilted all your single friends, you better make up with them! They were your friends before your husband came. ALWAYS remember that

    • prim March 29, 2013 at 12:15 pm

      Should your sister forgive her husband if he passes her a death sentence or lifetime of misery by way of AIDS, hep B, herpes , infertility from Chlamydia, etc? Even bible allows divorce-aIl you sisters who have lost your fierceness and become controlled cubs without resolve . Marriage should Make you attain heights and be you t0 the fullest -not subject you to changes that require you to lower expectations for yourself. A cheating husband is a loaded gun in today’s age. if an armed robber pointed a gun to your head with the intent to pull the trigger, will you give him or her the puppy dog l love you look?

    • www.dprodigaldaughter.com is all about faith, God, Love, Relationships, Sex and Many more.. Stop by for some interesting articles March 29, 2013 at 2:40 pm

      1. This story you told had absolutely nothing to do with what Toke was talking about.
      2. So because you are married now, you are more honorable than your single friends?
      3. How can you say “wait for God’s time” and you then turn around and say “do it on time”?
      4. Men don’t cheat with single ladies, then cheat with ladies! Period.
      5. If you think your single friends are a threat to the success of your marriage then maybe you should rethink your vows.
      6. I ABSOLUTELY disagree with EVERYTHING you said.
      7. Your reasoning is sad, myopic, and very narrow minded. Definitely not born out of Love or God.
      8. GOOD LUCK!

      dprodigaldaughter.com

    • Oaken March 30, 2013 at 12:26 am

      Lmao…pull that stick out of your butt will ya?you don’t even knw ow you sound.

    • zsa zsa March 30, 2013 at 7:06 am

      I am married and EVERYTHING you said made absolutely no sense. Where do i begin??

      Granted, your priorities change when you get married due to added responsibilities but you don’t treat your single friends poorly because of that. I don’t even think you understood the point Toke made.
      So the guy you mentioned slept with 4/5 of your sisters friends, so whose fault was that? Your sister is obviously a poor judge of character otherwise she wouldn’t have ended up with a cheat for a husband and home wreckers for friends.
      If you can’t “keep” your single friends after you are married then why were you friends with them in the first place? is it when they get married that they automatically become trustworthy? or you haven’t heard of married women having affairs with married men? please ease up on the nollywood movies dear, it is really affecting your thought process.
      And how did the talk of biological clock come into this gist? marry early so it’s “easier” to have children….really? you haven’t heard of women who marry in their early to mid 20’s and end up having kids in their late 30’s? And if a single lady has not met anyone to even date, what is she to do? sit around and worry about her “clock”…do you have a solution (or an app) for that?
      This way of thinking drives me absolutely nuts!!! arrrrggh!!
      This has nothing to do with culture or westernization, it’s just common sense. I’m still friends with ALL my single friends because they are responsible, hardworking, God fearing women. I am not better than them, we hang out when we can and have a good time. I don’t poke my nose in their business and they don’t poke their noses in mine, we respect the heck out of each other.
      Please step out of your bubble. End of rant.

      • A ZSA ZSA FAN March 30, 2013 at 12:17 pm

        i totally love u zsa zsa.. i follow all your comments and they always make sense! Your friends are really lucky people…

      • omototun March 31, 2013 at 12:16 am

        I had to stop reading and quickly give you five gbosazz at “….poor judge of character…cheat of a husband and home-wreckers as friends!!..” one would think that it is only common sense to blame both parties involved…

    • Idak April 1, 2013 at 11:13 pm

      kai!! your brother-in-law is wicked and heartless. Slept with his wives friends and without protection?
      Some men are dogs. A man that cheats is bad. A man that cheats without protection is not just bad but irredeemable and capable of anything imaginable.

  • theresa March 29, 2013 at 11:33 am

    lol,i can relate with these things…Toke is beginning to intrest me

  • madman March 29, 2013 at 11:37 am

    women are their own worst enemies…. lol – what a pathetic conversation to be having.

  • Ngoozi March 29, 2013 at 11:59 am

    Officially a Fan!!! The ways in which I look forward to her vlogs eh! Go toks!!! “What are you doing dating a club goer and a hustler?” Best line of the video :D :)

  • me………. March 29, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    Toke, am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo loving you, lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

  • prim March 29, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    NOW, Marriage does change your priorities- Picking up Kids, working at least 3 jobs- office 9-5pm, babysitter for husband (who is a baby) and Other Kids in the house, chief chef and entertainer duties, wifely duties, life and homework coach for all the babies in the house and if you live in Amreeka, add laundry manager and cleaner to the list. where you wan add single friends who cleanup after themselves and Can make spontaneou decisions to dine out and hangout ,hm? Toke, left us hand. Let us not add controlling African males and top that with insecurity and you have a full blown recipe for Social Isolation attributable to holy matrimony. I am thankful I can do dinner dates with my friends but its beus hubby is glad I am out of the house, haha. Works for me! He ain t a typical afro dominant male trough, l’ll give him that. As they say “Until you don carry pikin for belle, no describe pregnancy”.

    • Hajiya not March 29, 2013 at 5:05 pm

      good one!

    • Bunmi March 29, 2013 at 11:53 pm

      You should also be your husband’s baby. Men are not helpless beings. Men seem to have time to go to the bar with their friends meanwhile their wives complain they have no time. Marriage is a partnership and not bondage/slavery. I expect Nigerians to know that after all these of years of being desperate to get marriage.
      We insult the foreigners when they get divorced. We say they don’t know the essence of marriage meanwhile we don’t even know what it is about ourselves. Some couples arent even intimate anymore, they don’t work on their marriage they just remain there like roommates and influence their children with that nonsense. A husband beats his wife and some bombaclats will convince her to stay because she should pray to God, be humble, take his shit, and God will change him. God will not help you if you don’t help yourself. When she dies they will be crying stupid tears and waiting to eat rice and beef at her burial.

    • Sunshine April 1, 2013 at 8:05 pm

      I agree with you 100%.

  • kema March 29, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    @eniyan God bless you and as. For you Regina why do I feel like u made up dat story abt ur sis and her hubby just to proove ur silly point thereby making single women look stupid.have u forgotten u were once single?u even said u didn’t have time to gossip as if it’s only single women dat gossips when clearly some married. Women take their time to analyse and gossip abt the good looking single ladies. I am married and most of my single friendsare even the ones who are there for me when I need help coz my married friends are too busy taking care of the family.

  • oddy March 29, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    Please Toke i dont totally agree with you ojare……………..

  • Segun March 29, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    This entire rant is obviously from a naive, silly little girl who obviously knows nothing about marriage or serious relationships. It is called “married people smugness” and it happens to both men and women. As a married guy, the battles you are fighting in life center around rent and children’s school fees and building house and buying car, providing for your family etc; you know, grown up issues? No one needs to tell you before you start distancing yourself from your 37 year old friend who has never paid rent in his life, refuses to get a job and hits you up once a month for N5k. Same thing with a married woman. You are trying to take care of your family and build a better life. Your concerns are likely very different to your single friends, male or female. There are things that exist in the safety and comfort of a marriage that you simply will not understand until you are married. If you interpret that as being “treated badly” that is more a reflection on you and your own feelings of inadequacy than anything else. Put simply, what is doing you is not what is doing your friend. Simples.

    • sosilly March 29, 2013 at 1:07 pm

      What. Of your single friend who’s workinghard to make enough money to take care of himself and his younger ones. And also enough to make him feel comfortable about starting a family. Don’t judge all singles by ur one broke ass friend. When u’ve isolated all ur good single friends in the name of marriage, do u think they’ll suddenly become ur friends when they get married….abi u’ve written them off as unable to marry

      • Segun March 29, 2013 at 4:52 pm

        I would have responded to what you wrote but it was largely incoherent to me. I will however give the same advice to you that I would give to Toke. Don’t pontificate on a subject you know about only vicariously through anecdotes that do not apply to the general population. It immediately belies your lack of life experience. Marriage is difficult and for the people who succeed at a happy marriage, it is something to take pride in. I wish you a very happy married life yourself, because you won’t really get it until you are also married.

      • sosilly March 29, 2013 at 5:42 pm

        Lol, please leave and go take care of your imaginary kids. The way you talk it’s quite clear you don’t even have kids. YOu’re just making up stuff. Going around this website trying to supposedly insult people. At what point did I say I was single? If you had a brain, you’d have known that just cause I’m standing up for single people doesn’t mean I am as well. In the meantime, please go take care of your imaginary wife and kids cause no one with half a brain would marry someone who has spent the last 2 hours of his so called life trying to put other people down

    • Mz Socially Awkward… March 29, 2013 at 6:24 pm

      @ Segun, I know too many single people (both male and female) who are dealing with a majority of the issues you’ve just listed – paying rent, building or buying property, paying for a car. I think you’re a little shortsighted by calling them “grown-up issues”. Some of said single people have also taken up responsibilities like paying the school fees of junior siblings/relatives and may be living with those wards.

      You’re making your point backwards because I also know quite a few married men who stay borrowing money (from the bank or from their friends) & have refused to act like grown ass men. The only thing I expected you to point out in regards to how married life changes you is that you now need to cut down on time with your friends because you’re spending that valuable time on this very important commitment in your life and trying to build a happy, fulfilled home.

      Therefore your criteria for terminating friendships which aren’t healthy shouldn’t have anything to do with “single-people-who-don’t-get-it versus married people”, it should be based on realizing (like one commenter here already pointed out) what values these people have and whether those values are aligned to yours.

    • fashionLagos March 29, 2013 at 7:14 pm

      This Segun fellow, o ma se o!

    • Dunni Obata March 29, 2013 at 7:26 pm

      Segun you ignoramus. I acquired two undergrad degrees + a post grad degrees. I changed careers, work took me another country, I bought my car brand new. I bought a house, I’m paying my mortgage, I pay the bills, I’m helping my parents pay for my siblings school fees (two of them in American Universities), plus sending them money ever month and I am single and under 30. You didn’t read 40. You read 30. How many married women can boast of that? A lot of single people have responsibilities that married people d too. I know some of my married friends, who don’t have the responsibilities that I do, yet they come to borrow money from me. Grown up issues my foot. So, all that you wrote are the “priorities” and “grown up issues” that only married women face. I don’t envy your wife at all, at all. She probably carries it on her head that she is a married woman. See the kind husband another woman will be boasting about. Chai, some women have suffered I swear

      • Agudosi March 31, 2013 at 6:42 am

        @Dunni, all that education and you still don’t get what Segun was tryin to say….what a waste, dude gave one example to buttress his point and you made out his whole comment to be abt that…SMDH

      • NonReady March 31, 2013 at 11:06 pm

        @Dunni wow

      • Eniyan April 2, 2013 at 11:46 am

        @Dunni Obata & @MzSociallyAwkward, I love your responses to Segun. He’s talking colossal gibberish on here.

        It’s all based on values, not marital status. And yes, you can talk of something you haven’t personally experienced. Do you argue with your doctor when he talks to you about diabetes, even though he’s never had it? No. But you trust him/her because he/she is an expert. I’m not saying everyone commenting is an expert on marriage but certainly we can identify common sense when we see it, and several people on here that have rebutted Segun’s point have it!

  • Princess March 29, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    we are talking about married friends! engaged ones nko?. if you have to cut of from your single friends because you are married means you guys weren’t really friends, and you don’t understand the institution of friendship. it is just like saying you would cut off from your sisters because you are married. How can you be friends with someone for over 6 – 8 years, you guys laughed together, cried over heartbreaks together, partied together, swapped parents sef! then just because you are getting married, all of a sudden u are better then she is! shebi marriage is not a bed of roses. I think people who are genuinely friends would keep on been friends still infinite, there is no half measures in real friendship.

  • thatgirl March 29, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    I have never commented on Toke’s accent/intonation or warreva because it didn’t really bother me, but the way she spoke in this video really irritated me…one minute she had this well pronounced way of speaking, the next it was omo alata accent, and then the next it was something else, then back to pronouncing her words properly…Please my dear just pick one and stick to it, it’s pretty distracting otherwise.

    • sosilly March 29, 2013 at 1:11 pm

      Relax, many people nigerians included talk like that. You switch accents sometimes to make people laugh or to make ur point. It doesn’t make u fake.

      • Hajiya not March 29, 2013 at 5:09 pm

        What’s annoying is that the original British accent is fake. I like that she switches though. But the trying to sound local looks condescending a la Jenifa, Suliat-kan. I’ll love to hear what her ‘real’ Nigerian accent is.

    • Mrs.Lynxxx March 29, 2013 at 3:53 pm

      omg…STFU yo…what does that have to do with being fake? I know some people who do that especially when they’re talking about something funny. didn’t you say “warreva” in your comment? we all know that’s not the original way of saying it but ppl say it that way all the time just to be silly and that’s very similar to what’s going on in the video. Take a chill pill, its not that serious and it should have never been brought up in the first place. stop picking on people over stupid shit and enjoy the video…gosh

    • thatgirl March 29, 2013 at 5:08 pm

      I understand both your points, but in her case it’s overdone and doesn’t even make her any funnier….Anyway i don’t think you two can read very well, where in my writeup did i say she was fake? My point was that I was just irritated by her manner of speaking…Note i said I,YOU don’t have to feel the same way!

    • laide March 29, 2013 at 6:47 pm

      please we ve gotten over toke’s accents…get use to it!

      • Eniyan April 2, 2013 at 11:50 am

        We haven’t gotten over Toke’s accent. She needs to stop trying to sound English at all costs because it’s def. not accurate. Tbh it takes the credibility away from her and makes her appear silly. Abeg, BN post this comment because I know you people and your overzealous behavior. lol

  • Haba March 29, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    I can understand where Regina is coming from. Girls r bad. Men r sometimes weak. Av seen anoda frnd snatch my frnds boyfriend talk less of husband. To d single ladies, u wont understand until u enter that sphere of life thats wen u will change n see that d heart of man is desperately wicked. Also childbirth changes u. Motherhood changes women so instead of beefing, pray to have ur marriage so u can mature n change positively too. Toke i still love u but get married first then u can post on d topic.

    • Idak April 1, 2013 at 11:18 pm

      Not this argument again!!
      No man will be snatched if he does not want to.
      When will women stop victimizing themselves?
      All these generalizations do not help the matters at hand.

      • Purpleicious Babe April 4, 2013 at 4:02 am

        lol…maybe she used juju nah…

    • Eniyan April 2, 2013 at 11:52 am

      Girls are bad and men are weak? People with your reasoning never have good women in your radar and will always have babies for husbands who can tell you ‘it was d devil’ after they’ve screwed ur househelp.

  • nnenne March 29, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    hilarious and truthful. a friend of mine did her introduction 2yrs ago and she changed her surname to her hubby’s on bbm immediately. one day while we were chatting, i told her jokingly that so she couldn’t just wait to change her name already and she took it personal. she told me and i repeat in her words ‘babes i’m proud i married him (won’t type his name) and that’s why she changed her surname, also said to me that i should better start thinking of settling down cos i’m not getting any younger’ ( i was just 25 then o). to say that i was shocked will be putting it mildly but i kept my cool cos anything i said then will definitely be blown outta context and perceived as jealousy cos i wasn’t married or engaged. fast forward to 2 months later, she came and opened up to me that they had an issue and the guy put her on the spot which made her decide she wasn’t going ahead with the marriage. she told me what she went through in just 2 months of living with the guy and i was shocked to my bone marrows. i didn’t even have the guts to remind her of what she told me earlier cos i was overwhelmed by what she went through. of course, she asked for my advice if she should leave or not but i didn’t give her my opinion make e no be say na me tell her to leave her hubby as i never marry. She eventually left the guy out of her own volition.
    Just like Toke said, its those ones who their hubbys have turned them to punching bags and cheat on them without respect that always make the single ones feel like they are nth in pecking order. yea, priorities will change when a girl gets married but that doesn’t mean that a married lady should treat her single friends like trash just cos she’s married.
    Marriage should be a means to an end and not the end.

    • Alice March 29, 2013 at 2:44 pm

      simply sweet dearie.Hope we all learn before its too late. Marriage is sweet, but how far would have gone today without my good friends. Thank God for them

    • No Nonsense March 29, 2013 at 2:54 pm

      Lol @ I was shocked to my bone marrows. Completely agree with you. marriage is not the be all and end all but some ladies just never learn!

  • Mama nony March 29, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    I am a married woman with both single and married friends,
    I have some married ladies I cut off cos of their lifestyle so I think it depends on the individuals themselves.i still have single friends and my hubby is okay with them

  • chioma March 29, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    If u have God fearing friends u shuld keep them and pray they find the same happines u have, some married women get kick out they end up wit the single friends. My point is keep good friend single or married. We don’t know tomorrow. U may be married today but not tomorrow, am not saying things will happen. U can be married and have married friends that only give bad advice or very bad. Am not saying run around wit single friends but u can do lunch or shopping. I tell u, they are time u want to get away witout the hubby, happy marriage or nt. Choose wisely.

  • Ada Owerri March 29, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    I can’t get my head round this topic. Smug because you got married? Stupidity abounds. I am married and my priorities have been altered but the only effect that had on my single and married friends as a matter of fact, is there’s less time to hang out but we all are still friends.

  • roomandpalour March 29, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    This is such a pathetic set of comments…by people who because they are bad friends attract horrible friends and women who think that marriage and childbirth make them exceptional. Eya.*shakes head*

  • chioma March 29, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    This conversation is important, it need to be had b/w ourselves. Humility is important in life whetjer u married or not; rich or not. Whatever we do to know that God is the giver of life, husband or money. When u have pride God can bring u down in a heartbeat. Don’t look down on anybody. Some women need to understand that they are bad men whether u have no single friend they end up wit the househelp. So running away frm single ladies will nt help such women. Is ur husband u shuld pray for. Am stil saying when u are at school or anywere look for God fearing people. I believe there are still good people in life. People that help u on ur wedding( witout jealous) be. God mother to ur children, u can call when u in labor if the hubby is not home. Hear my advice today and cut out bad friends period( married or single) they will only bring pain. Its not abt single or married but abt bad people aginst good people. Sisterhood or womenhood is good. There is war satan has rage against women to bring us down becos we brought a savour to the world and we are bringing great people to world read joyce meyer ” the confident woman’ damn my fingers that was long typing.

  • ADANNE March 29, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    I think this is a non-topic to be honest. This should be about the ignorance of the married woman. If a married woman stops being friends with someone because she isn’t married, when she has children, will she stop being friends with her married friends that are childless? I understand that marriage is this big achievement in Nigeria, but i’m slowly beginning to realize that there are a LOT of things these married women sweep under the carpet. A lot of them are moving around with broken spirits…saying ‘its ok, at least i’m married’. Off course your priorities will change once married, like Segun said your problems are no longer the same as that of your single buddy. But that doesn’t mean you’ll drop them as if you never loved them. I can’t imagine not being friends with my single girls and only a wretched dog will go around sleeping with your friends.

  • Amerbo March 29, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    Still not a Toke fan and again, I know from a reliable source that she puts beautiful comments on blogs herself. She has a team of close friends who help her defend herself on blogs. Pretty pathetic

    • Rachael March 29, 2013 at 4:37 pm

      It’s quite funny that you say she is pathetic; meanwhile you took your precious time without anyone putting a gun to your head and clicked on the page. Now who is pathetic and inane fellow : YOU

    • kema March 30, 2013 at 5:02 pm

      Please have several seats,you heard from where….?.the length pple go to bring down other people beats me uhg!

  • Temizzy March 29, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    Toke thank you for this, I like alot.

  • Non professional opinion March 29, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    I’m married and I have single and married friends, but if memory serves me correctly, it was a few of the single ones that cut me off when I was pregnant because I couldn’t go out rocking with them. It goes both ways.

  • Dr N March 29, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    I think it all boils down to d kind of friends u keep. I still have single as well as married friends I relate beautifully with and my hubby is comfortable with my single friends cos my single friends values and outlook in life fits in with my own value and character.
    Even before I got married, I was on a very good term with d married ones as well. If one chooses and stay with friends whose character is unquestionable before marriage. Why should that change after marriage . I love my friends equally; married or single and relate to them same and keepmy home affairs withinmy home

  • esteelauder March 29, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    we cannot deny the fact that marriage changes people’s priorities, so also does starting a new job, going to graduate school and several other big decisions. the way we’d relate to our friends would probably be different while trying to adjust to a new life but it is important not to forget how far we’ve come with them and make concious and deliberate efforts to maintain those relationships. cause single or married, we all need each other to see life through.

  • Alice March 29, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    @Segun, did Toke offend you before ? too bad. Regarding your unmarried friend you talked about,you could be in his shoes tomorrow, aint wishing you bad buh things happen you know.Being single is no disease. Most of you men are only looking for ladies that will carry you, be your ever available bedmate, your babysitter and a nanny of your kids whether it hinders her ambitions in life or not all with the currency called marriage.
    Being married doesnt make you more happy.I recently met a very sad stupid man that wants me to be a regular bed mate of his just because he claims his wife dont make love to him in a particular pattern he loves most.He even have the guts to spell out his wishes in less than 24hrs we met. All am saying is that its a choice to be bad or dependent or whatever. Stop looking down at people,you are no better dude. @ Regina you are deluded.Men will cheat if they choose to,same goes for ladies. Wake up.

    • Segun March 29, 2013 at 4:40 pm

      HI Alice regarding my friend read what I wrote carefully. I did not say he fell on hard times. I said he refuses to get a job and get his life together. So, no. I can never be in his shoes because I take my responsibilities to myself and to my family seriously. With regard to your second point, I suggest you stop hanging out with boys and instead find men who put a priority on loving their families, their wives especially, protecting them and providing for them. Beginning a statement with “most of you men” belies your immaturity. Grow up.

    • Bunmi March 30, 2013 at 12:15 am

      As for that married man, i bet he hasn’t told his wife his needs. The poor woman would wonder what his problems are meanwhile he’s looking for any excuse to sleep around. Typical!
      Another thing, Nigerians..especially, men/guys don’t know how to communicate. They believe expressing your concerns makes you soft/ feminine. If it’s not anything related to sex, food, party, football, money, their career, or making misogynist statements, Nigerian men (not all) have serious problems with communication.

    • Katnisss March 30, 2013 at 12:45 am

      Ignore segun. From the look of his rants you can some is happier when he is working late

    • Purpleicious Babe April 4, 2013 at 4:18 am

      I feel like alot of people attacked Segun’s comment.. I thought he made sense, Yes he might have mentioned the odd things but i got his point.

      Priorities change for everybody @ different stages of their lives, Yes we can control some things and others we cant control. Due to the fact we all think differently, i think the way we prioritize things will be different.

      We live to learn, we don’t all know the answers and some of us do make genuine mistakes but we learn and do better next time. Its not only marriage that affects friendships, its other things like illnesses jobs, faith etc.

      Life is for learning and some of us we learn and soak up experiences which helps us to be better whilst others do the opposite.

      All I can say is, pray for one another, elevate one another in love, unity and respect. Also learn to deal with situations in a positive and healthy way by constantly renewing your mind.

      I am not saying its cool for friendships to die after marriages (that does hurt) but we all have our priorities. Don’t make people a PRIORITY when to them, you are an option. PERE.

      lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Omojeje March 29, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    *young married women syndrome* made a mistake. Make una correct abeg.

  • Lolly March 29, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    See how you have painted single people as ‘never do well’s. Congrats on your paying school fees and rent. Mr married man, Toke is entitled to her opinion and I agree with her, by the way, and theres no need to bring in insults such as naive silly little girl, I’d have thot you’d be too busy dealing with your grown up issues!

    • Segun March 29, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      It was not an insult. It was an observation. And I most certainly never painted single people as ne’er do wells. I was once single myself. The point of the anecdote was to highlight that married people have different priorities to single people. When you get married and are responsible for and to other people, the point will be clearer.

      • Peperempe March 30, 2013 at 2:20 am

        Ah ah! This Segun sef! Please go and take care of your family and responsibilities . Married man trolling blogs up and down and voltroning for himself. Smh!

    • Oaken March 30, 2013 at 12:33 am

      Abi o….segun has issues that run deeper than this article Jare. Pls see a marriage counsellor before its too late to fix

  • Miss Eloquent March 29, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    Hmmnn wisdom is the key. A married woman can choose whoever she wants to hang with..Of course priorities change, when a woman now has to take care of her husband and kids. On the other hand, there should be a balance. When am married, my husband and kids definitely comes first..

  • Andrea March 29, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    I got married bout 2 years ago and still have all my single frnds..Fine, I barely have time having to take care of my son and my big baby but believe me i have max fun when my girlfriends come around..It makes me feel girly alova..They tell me d craziest things and tease me on my “glow” and all that stuff but i just love them!! They understand when i tell em that im busy or even when i tell them i have to hang up in d middle of a phone conversation…My hubby is cool with them too so long as we dont pull him into our conversation..That being told*giggles* your girls will always be ur girls whether they are still single or married..I picked them wisely..

  • Breakitdown March 29, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    The way the African community at large have so hyped this marriage issue is an institution on its own, no wonder certificates are being awarded( and I noticed this just kicked off a couple of years back, like some 3yrs back, pple just went like oya oya oya o we all have to start settling down the world is coming to an end Lol and it resulted to competition amongst people in general that even immature things are all taken now. I can imagine! *thank God *). Get a grip ladies and gents, there is much more to life and it is not all about being married, yes. After marriage life continues besides.
    And woe betide those that act funny to their “single” friends cos they aint hooked up yet( u will be surprised some of your married friends wish they could end their marriage fast, cos they are frustrated already and unhappy its just freaking not easy for they, lemme say they are suffering and smiling Lol) , besides it is all these ladies that are making the men go gaga with themselves like they are “gods” haha. I don’t think its warrants cutting loose from all your friends though, cos even some married ones are not just it, its just an individual thing (the kind of friend whether single or married the character of the person in question).
    God help us all. The world has changed mehn. #shikenah

  • No Nonsense March 29, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    a terrible friend is a terrible friend regardless of marriage. it’s in their DNA

  • whocares March 29, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    I didnt finish the video, i think i stopped after 2 minutes but its not as bad as i thought it would be. No one is more surprised than I am… she even got a chuckle out of me! That said, to each his own.. If someone kicks you out of their life because they got married, then kindly step aside, and get to moving with yours…If you as a single girl sleep with someone else’s husband, well Karma is a BIG bitch! There is no 5 steps, or things to do.. it all comes down to individuals. The cheating husband, the bad friend, and in some cases the silly woman who doesnt take care of her household.. point is, nothing is black or white, and there are stupid people in this world. Take it with a pinch of salt, and a shot of tequila :P

  • Somebody March 29, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Hold up! It is not only married ppl that have a problem o. When I got married some of my single friends who I thought were close friends were the ones that cut me off, and God knows I kept trying to reach out. They would go out and stuff and not bother inviting me. When I confronted one of them to say ah why have u guys exed me now, she said ehhn ur married now u k ow married women don’t hang out with single girls and they just go and follow their husbands! And I’m thinking what kind of silly assumption is this, I was actually quite hurt cus we have been friend for long and I thot they would know better!

    I think married and single friends can and should remain friends, it’s just that. Other parties need to understand that thi gas may not be exactly how they used to be, for instance u cant really expect ur married friend to go club hopping with you every time u ask as you guys used to do back in the day, you. USB understand that she’s got a family to answer to now, children to put in bed and what not.

    And for the married friends, yes it also makes both ways u do t need to isolate urself fromurfriends completely no need for that just make sure u find a balance,and know that ur single friends might be feeling a bot left out, so no need to rub ur marriage in their faces, try and draw them in as much as possible bit it is ok to set boundaries.

    I believe true friends should be able to adapt to the changes in each others life’s !

    • Somebody March 29, 2013 at 3:39 pm

      Lol sorry for the typos Jare, damn auto correct,u get the point sha

    • Ifanyonecares March 29, 2013 at 4:21 pm

      I’m single and i’ve got a few married friends and some single friends as well. We are all going through the changes of life. If you want to keep your single friends active in your life, be careful about saying too many “Nos”. As in, toke do you want to go see a movie, No Segun wants us to out to dinner. Do you want to go to a lounge? No, I”m saving my child from World War 3. You get my drift. If you must say no, try to tie it in with another opportunity for hanging out. As in I can’t do the movie this weekend but next weekend is open if you’d like to go then. Nobody likes rejection and sometimes your single friends are not inviting you anymore because you’ve said No quite a few times in the past

  • Abi March 29, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    Toke don come…… lol

  • Stella Kashmoney March 29, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    Toke I do not agree with you at all on this issue. Marriage changes everyone to an extent. You have more responsibilities, worries etc.

  • Dee March 29, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    Anyone who ditches you because she got married was never a real friend and isn’t worth the headache. That’s the problem with women, most men remain good friends with their single friends while the women lose contact with good friends while focusing all their energy on their husbands and kids. In life everything is about creating a balance, just remember that a time might come when its those same single girls that will have your back while the married ones like you won’t be bothered to take the time out.

  • Cool cat March 29, 2013 at 5:10 pm

    It really irks me when married women say their priorities have changed, single friends will make your husband cheat or even you the woman. That’s just a bunch of bullocks. What happened to “you” being happy? Marriage doesn’t mean you only focus on your husband and kids, who is focusing on you, bcos trust me, the man sure isn’t. Then again it depends on the type of friends you have. If the are true friends, confidants, motivators, you definitely need them, there are many things you can never discuss with your husband, or even other married women, besides, will tell you when your husband is out in the clubs every night? It’s when your friends are of questionable character that you might want to sever ties with them, but then again, birds of the same feather…..

    Trust me, your husband does not want a “married woman”, he wants a woman who still acts like his girlfriend, learn to love the things he likes, if he’s into clubs, you best be ready on Friday night to hit the town. Many people will disagree but it happens everyday where the man falls in love with the baddest meanest girls in town, and it happens to the naive wives. You don’t necessarily have to go every weekend, or with him, but once in a while, hang out with your friends too. It helps to keep you sane.

    The worst case is women who feel their greatest achievement is to be married. I feel sorry for you. You are at the bottom of the chain honey.

  • Mz Socially Awkward… March 29, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Kai, BellaNaija, is it that you know some commenters personally and therefore decide to post whatever bile they spew out but then choose not to post much milder responses by other commenters because you don’t want such comments ruining your ethos?

    Because I do wonder and if you like, don’t post this comment, na you get your blog. @ Omojeje, those “single no hope girls” are what you used to be until your husband rescued you with a wedding ring. Don’t you ever forget that.

    How dare you insult someone you don’t know as “prolly sleeping with some1 else’s boyfriend”? Did she hit the mark because she described your hubby so perfectly?? She clearly makes all her comments about “smug married women”, not “ALL married women” and you’re firing insults to justify your claim to the former title.

    From your description of you friends…. And I use that term as loosely as possible… I believe the character they exhibit is only a reflection of the kind of person you are. Otherwise, how ON EARTH can any sensible woman continue to call these kinds of people her “friends”? You can only attract what you put out there so either change or shut it.

    BN, if you like, no post am. Na you get your blog….

  • Princess March 29, 2013 at 5:55 pm

    It is a Nigerian thing. I won’t go as far as saying it is an African thing, so, it is the 9ja that I know I will talk. Caucasian women do not treat their single friends differently. They even tell you that they envy you sef, with your freedom, no responsibilities, no money worries (usually), and you are answerable to yourself alone. I can’t count how many times they whine when we are out, and they’ll be asking you for delicious gossip about your single life. They get you involved in their lives as much as they can and they stay in touch. Some times they are the one’s that even initiate spa dates, movie nights and co, just to escape their families for a bit. Especially when you live close so you can babysit for them, when they need some alone time with hubby. I’ve lived abroad for years, and unconsciously over time a lot of 9ja female friends have eased out of my life, and most of my friends are white. Yes girls have drama irrespective of skin colour, but hands on my head, oyinbo women think differently than we do. It is almost unheard of for them to look down on their single friends or consider marriage a status or a trophy. A good example, one of my 9ja friends was pregnant, and she was sooooooo secretive about it. Shu, Aunty, am I the witch from your village that will eat your unborn baby. She never even let me touch her belly for once. She never told me the sex, even though I asked her what to buy for the baby. When are you due nko, story. I didn’t ask for her exact due date o. Meanwhile my oyinbo friends, tell me without even asking. Many times I’ve shopped for them when they are ill, we’ve planned their nurseries. Some of us, single and married organise to babysit for their kids, when they need to rest. I knew the sex of their babies, I’ve been asked to go to ante natal appointments with them and one Lamaze class when one’s husband couldn’t make it. The other secretive one, beyond calling to say Congrats about the baby, I have never gone to her house. 9ja married friends, just stay away, give you excuses, you are no longer allowed to call their husbands by name (husbands u knew before) to reduce familiarity. Orisirisi. Once you start giving me attitude. I hold myself o. There are many other women who still consider me valuable to their lives. it is not by force

    • fofo March 29, 2013 at 7:53 pm

      ok

    • Anon March 29, 2013 at 8:58 pm

      I swear this is sooooo true. Nigerian friends won’t even tell you they are preggers?..like I wan chop the pregnancy. Abeg in Gods time I will marry No Rush at all…

  • Aunty Prada March 29, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    @ Ms. Socially Awkward, don’t mind the foolish Omojeje. I was very weak when I saw her comment. Madam Omojeje should continue to revel in her smugness o. awon upgraded married women. Nonsense.

  • Sel March 29, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    I got married @ 23 and my husband was like I have to limit my single friends cos my priorities have changed and I was like no Mehn. Cos even him, his still remained friends with his pals who married ahead of him. My friends are my rock, we are same minded career oriented people who have each others back. We motivate each other and on top of that we always have a great time when we are together. So why should I stop talking to them cos of a marriage certificate. And this is friendship that we have cultivated over a long period.
    I think at the end it’s about the depth of character of people you call your friends.whether married or single you should do an audit of your friends once in a while

    • fashionLagos March 29, 2013 at 7:08 pm

      Well said. I have noticed that it is women that usually carry this whole marriage status on their head. Men, typically remain friends with the same people and still do the same things they did as bachelors. Granted, priorities change once you get married but like everything in life, you have to strike a balance. Anyone who stops talking to their friends simply because they are now married and the friends are single has got to be the most shallow being in this world!

      So question to married women who stop talking to their single friends, will you also stop talking to a friend that is widowed?

  • miumiu March 29, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    I think it’s an individual thing and therefore not fair to generalise. I stll have most of my single friends, BUT i have kind of distanced myself from some simply because they have high expectations and expect us to hang out and all as often as we used to. If you do not understand that I now have a husband and kids and i will sometimes want to talk about them the same way you want to talk about that one dude, or that i sometimes would just want to spend time with my family after being at work all week, then YES i have the “married women syndrome”

  • miumiu March 29, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    I mean some of my single friends just know how to make you feel guilty for being married. Abegi jor!

  • Kelly-Taylor March 29, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    I think it goes both ways. It’s all about reciprocating and making sacrifices and efforts if you really value the friendship you have. I have seen single women ditch their married friends out of jealousy and I have also seen married women ditch their single friends. FYI: I am married and I am loving it. I wouldn’t claim to be a counselor or anything but I think with some (not all) Nigerians Marriage is seen as this trophy or gold medal to be won, it’s seen as the beginning and end so they wouldn’t mind ditching their friends once they get that ring and Mrs. Title. My advice will be SINGLE LADIES: be a little bit considerate of your friends that have gotten married. You need to realize that he/she wouldn’t have as much time like it used to be before. Also, MARRIED LADIES: I completely understand that priorities change when you get married and I am going through that myself. However, if you value the friendship you’ve had with someone that has been with you through thick and thin you will make up time from your extra extra busy schedule and keep some or restructure some of the traditions you both had before you got married. You want to make sure the friendship flame is still there because you never know when you will need each other.

    When I think of friendship examples: all I need to do is look at my parent. My mum has had the same three best friends since 9th grade high school (4 decades) and my dad has had his 2 friends for more than 3 decades. My mum got married before her three friends and even with her crazy work schedule and a child: she still managed and sometimes had to sacrifice some time to keep some of the traditions she had with her friends before she got married. I was told by mum that it was her friend that was still single at the moment that had to rush from work to take her to the hospital when she was pregnant for me because my dad was out of town. My mum and her friends have a vacation and shopping tradition they do during the summer. Trust me when those 4 get together there is no stopping them. You will think they are sisters. The same goes for my dad: My dad still kept the watching football and hockey tradition with his buddies. My parent had to reschedule and reprioritize their life when they got married but they made effort to keep the friendships and some traditions they had before getting married. It’s all about balance and value. There is something about valuing relationships and friendships: When you do you will make an effort to keep it.

  • hmm March 29, 2013 at 10:24 pm

    Erm excuse me its not Just a Nigerian thing…I have also witnessed caucasians and other races act this way …so yh..infact it was a debate on the dailymail recently……women over the world have this issue not just Nigerians…………………..also please can pple stop looking down on women that want to get married or see marraige as a goal/ we are all different, some people want to work to their fullest.. while some want to get married and have a family…every one should do what suits them …..that you have a job doesnt mean you are better than a family woman……….

    ps im not married just stating facts that single women also look down on married ones…

  • NNENNE March 30, 2013 at 1:00 am

    I must say, that Ms. toke has sharpened her skills .She now has an understanding of who her audience is….Nigerians! She has toned downed down the fake accent.
    Married women in my opinion withdraw from their friends because they have a lot to do. Their husbands do not do as much.Some women are working full time, pregnant, going to school, with no regular house help.In addition to that they have to look pretty and take care of their husbands.Where is the time? Nobody is looking down on anyone.
    Toke you sound like you have an inferiority complex. Certainly there is more to life than marriage .Please relax!!!!

  • nnenna March 30, 2013 at 6:59 am

    When you marry someone, you promise to be their everything. That my friend is a daunting task. When you are single, there is the luxury of walking away if things don’t go exactly your way. Marriage changes all that. Friends know when you need space to sought yourself out, single or married. If friends do not tune in to each others needs, then your friendship is questionable at best.
    The good thing about blogs/vlogs is that it’s like a permanent record. Ms Toke, I hope you’ll practice what you preach when the time comes. If you have to choose, for whatever reason between your growing family and a “single” friend, I hope you remember your little tantrum.

    • LOl March 30, 2013 at 1:27 pm

      nobody can be anybody’s. Even God can’t be your everything…..he won’t come down from heaven and marry you. No one is saying your spouse is not your priority but you should take time to nurture other relationships. Even your spouse needs you to have friends so he can take a break from meeting your every need. go call a friend and hang out and I’ll take some time with the guys or with my own family

  • Lolade March 30, 2013 at 7:23 am

    To think the likes of segun are the husbands some women have to deal with in the name of marriage? How unfortunate

  • CHICHI March 30, 2013 at 8:08 am

    LMFAO AND THIS IS WHERE ALL THE MEN IN THE WORLD JUST SIT BACK AND LAUGH AT US WOMEN!!! WHY DO WE DRAW SO MUCH NEGATIVITY AMONGST EACH OTHER! YALL CHILL THE – OUT!!! CHILL THE -ING OUT!!! IT IS NEVER THAT SERIOUS!!!
    TOKE PLEASE MAKE A VIDEO OF SOMETHING POSITIVE, FUNNY, THOUGHTFUL, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

  • Titi March 30, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    When it comes to keeping friends, no hard and fast rule. Some people are so sensitive, the cut off friends with the slightest offence and others hang on. As a single, once had a married friend who we confided in one another. She was a few years older, not as educated but we flowed. One day, wanted to use her fone to call mine to know where it’s hiding, lo and behold my boyfriend’s 2 nos were in her dialled log. My heart skipped but I kept my cool. Next day, checked my boyfriend’s fone and discovered he spoke with her for less than 10 seconds. I later asked the married friend why she called my boyfriend and she feigned ignorance. Since then, I stopped to trust her. That boyfriend now my husband, when we started planning wedding, I gradually snobbed my married friend till I cut her off. She noticed, asked what happened and I insisted nothing. I want to believe some married ladies cut off singles because they had issues against them and waited to cut them off. Just like they cut off when married, they can cut off when richer or more famous.

    • someone April 3, 2013 at 3:45 pm

      Hmm…could it be that maybe he needed her help with planning a surprise birthday/celebration/proposal to you? Or something similar? Things are sometimes not what they seem. :)

  • GREAT STUFF April 2, 2013 at 1:27 am

    nice and funny, welldone!

  • pynk April 2, 2013 at 9:43 am

    all these epistles? Friendships change depending on the parties involved. Otan!

  • Titi April 5, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    No, he didn’t need her help. She just wanted to famz with him behind me… Or just wanted to start a gossip.

    • Ada Nnewi April 9, 2013 at 1:38 pm

      Dear titi hope you won’t be one of the women that will be following Atoke’s last tip in a short while

  • Ada Nnewi April 9, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    Atoke’s tip No 8 in “The married woman’s guide to eliminating pesky single girls from Le hubs’ radar”..btw i know where you can get those things at really good prices :D

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