Its been a while the last Aunty Bella so here is a new ‘case’.
Please offer her some advice.
I really feel her pain.
Also, RIP to the victims at V-Tech. My heart goes out to their families.
Dear Aunty Bella,
I am a young married lady and I have a problem that I hope your audience can help me with. I attended a higher institution in the East and during one of my Christmas holidays in my hometown, I met my husband.
Any Igbo person will relate to the Xmas trips, all the guys from overseas arrive and during this time many people meet their future spouses. That was how I met my husband, he saw me at a cousin’s house and didn’t say much but the next day, my cousin told me that he had asked her all sorts of questions about me.
I saw him again at a wedding and we got talking and things blossomed from there.
He seemed gentle and intelligent, not like some of the other guys that arrive and think they are the best thing to land of earth.
Before he left, he made his intentions known to my parents and they approved. We kept in touch through email for some months. Immediately I finished my course, he started making plans for me to move over.
Bella, he couldn’t make it to our wedding but they did the marriage without him (his people were there and his picture was in his place). He sponsored the whole thing and kept calling and emailing as usual. After about a year, my visa was processed and I finally arrived.
I had heard some bad stories about women arriving and meeting a bad situation but I did not experience any of that, we have a nice house, he has a good job (engineer), responsible friends and every other thing a woman could want but Bella I am not happy at all.
From the very day I arrived, I realized that I do not love him and he does not love me. We do not kiss or hug each other, I just feel like I am a housegirl who sleeps with her oga. He does not abuse me but he talks down at me as though I am dumb. He has told me not to speak Igbo when I talk to my friends on the phone and that I need to refine my accent because I sound local. He said the way I dress is poor and took me shopping but all the things he picked were so old fashioned. When his friends come (his friends are all white), they do not talk to me, they just talk and laugh among themselves. These things hurt so much and I am losing so much faith in myself. We live in a town without many Africans so I do not have any friends here. I am about to start a course in nursing but so far I just stay at home from morning to night. I feel like going back Bella but I cant. I have told my mother and she has asked if he beats me, I said no. If he denies me food, I said no. So she said I should stop complaining, that many girls will kill to be in my shoes. I am ashamed to tell my friends because most of them were already jealous about my marriage to such a sought-after guy.
Please what should I do? Can I get him to change? Should I just escape back to Nigeria and face the taunts?