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“The Plan”: An Alternative Strategy for the Contemporary Single Woman

Glory Edozien

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one-man-two-womenAnyone who knows me well, knows I am a simple minded girl with traditional values. I believe the man is the hunter and the woman should remain the hunted. In other words, men should chase women, send flowers, buy gifts, open doors, and generally do the gentlemanly things required to get and keep his woman.

Call me foolish, but I also believe in the one man, one woman rule. I.e. if a guy has a girlfriend, wife, significant other or baby mama attached to his hip and is trying to step to me, I make it very clear that I am not in the slightest bit interested. Life has taught me that karma is indeed a female dog and always comes back to bite you in the derrière. Anyway, it is with these few but salient principles that I have chosen to wade through the valley that is singleness believing that what is mine is mine and what is someone else’s, is well…someone else’s.

These principles were put to the test exactly 5 days ago. A close friend of mine (Ada) and I had decided to meet up for a leisurely lunch somewhere on the island. The lunch itself was pretty uneventful, except for the usual girly chitchat. Things however took a sharp turn after lunch when her male friend (lets call him Idowu) arrived. As is usual with male female gatherings, conversation turned to relationships. Why are men so wrong? Why are women complicated? Whose man was caught where? And the like. Then he asked the question that I have gotten quiet accustomed to answering in the affirmative.

“So Glory are you single?” I nodded as I sipped on my fruit smoothie.

“Why?” He retorted ( I cant stand that question, why is the sky blue, why can fish only live in water, why does the sun not come out at night?)

“Errr because I haven’t found the right person” I replied trying to seem nonchalant about it all.

“Well, do you have a plan to find the right person”? He asked almost immediately.

Now I was well and truly confused. ‘Plan’? I asked in return. I looked at Ada to see if she understood what he was talking about. But even she seemed as confused as I was.

Sensing that we needed to be educated, Idowu continued.

For everything in life you have a plan. You planned your career path, you planned what you were going to do today. You must always have a plan. Is there any major decision you have made till date which you didn’t have a plan for?

Sensing I was about to put up an argument to his theory, Idowu continued without waiting for a reply. “If you don’t plan to find a man, your plan is to remain single.” Ask the single women in their thirties, they are single because they didn’t plan. He concluded rather mater of factly.

“Okay, so tell us how we can plan”, Ada asked obviously absorbed by her friends thesis.

Idowu went on to explain that the plan isn’t a step by step plan per say on how to get a man but more like a set of philosophies, which single women must abide by if they are ever to get married. His philosophy is outlined as follows. (Please do not shoot the messenger, remember this is a man’s point of view, not mine!!)

1. All men are directionless. They have no capacity to think ahead or think past what they are doing at that precise moment. Therefore women always have the upper hand in directing a man to wherever she wants him to go.

2. You must assume that every man you would want to be with, tall, dark, handsome, ambitious, well educated, well spoken, is taken. There are no good men left. The single men left are those that have been discarded and no body wants a reject.

3. 95% of men don’t marry women that they had been dating for 10 years. They marry the ‘smart women’ who either stole them from the ‘main babe’ or directed them down the aisle, the so called ‘bad girls’.

4. Based on the above points you must act accordingly. If a man you like is interested in you, forget about his present relationship status. That’s his business not yours. Instead concentrate on where you want the relationship to end. Focus on the aspects you like about his relationship with you and direct his interests towards your desired goal-marriage.

Now based on the principles mentioned earlier, it is obvious that I disagree with Idowu. But I cannot help but question myself. Have my somewhat traditional principles become archaic in today’s contemporary society? Am I wasting time trying to keep a good girl image, while the so called ‘bad girls’ clinch all the already dwindling amount of eligible bachelors available? Has the world so decayed that we are prepared to both covet and steal one another’s partners? Or is patience truly a virtue with the fattest prize reserved for those who wait their turn? You tell me.

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are https://www.canadianmeds4u.com/category/buy-antibiotics-online/ more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

41 Comments

  1. berry

    March 5, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    its a good view,nd could sometimes be true,but i wldnt wnt 2date a guy in a r/ship,dats calamity calling.its good 2 ve ur own,ur own na ur own,dough we cnt wait 4rever 4 mr ryte,we just ve 2 find 2 guy smehow

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  2. Yinka

    March 5, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    U think ur archaic, I may just be fossil. But let me tell you, I have been having a deep, intimate relationship w God for abt a year now, and more and more I realize how real and intensely loving God is and guess what, He has made it clear to me he has plans to give me away to my man, even like your earthly father desires, even more than ur earthly father desires. A man he has predestined for me, see God has everyday of my life already written down before I lived anyone of it. It’s my choice to live it, or to “form my own creation story”, but he loves me jealously, intensely, regardless of my choice.

    Guess what, in just one week, I have been walking closely w God, and getting to trust him regarding this issue, and I feel so…free…now I realize what he means by “…my ways are higher than ur ways, and my thoughts higher than urs”. I cannot settle for less! Esp not in this area! It is not even in my DNA!!! At all!!! How can I know God’s love and bask in his love consistently and then…allow my self to be one (emphasis!) w someone who does not ‘get’ how to love like God intended…talkless of a man I “plan” for myself, given, according to Idowu’s analysis, that all the good ones are taken!

    Sorry hun, but it’s soooo beneath me!

    Now, for those people whose insides would spew fire over this, guess what, me and u do not, cannot and will not think alike, unless God converts and renews ur mind. That said…u can like slide to the left, to the left, please and thank u!

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  3. seun d

    March 5, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    I am a bad girl, I think I am in that dilemma but I just can’t go through I prefer drama less stress free r’ship especially at the beginning.

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  4. silva

    March 5, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    i feel you hun!!! am archaic and i’ve decided to leave it dat way.
    I love and enjoy the relationship i have with God and i have commited every area of my life into His hands( my friends laff wen i say, ‘i have commited my lovelife into God’s hands’, i’ve been single for a really long time and i’d rather remain so instead of compromising and settling for less), bcos every good and perfect gift come from above and also He that created me knows and understands all my complexities, so He knows who is best for me…
    yes, the so called bad girls marry the eligble bachelors and we wonder, but i know, that those who put their trust in the Lord, shall never be put to shame, cos if u delight urself in Him, He will give you the desires of your heart…

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  5. Omoye

    March 5, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    Stick to your principle. There is no short-cut to long lasting success. There is someone for everyone. And except you give up, your husband is just a “faithful” prayer away.

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  6. ytee

    March 6, 2010 at 12:05 am

    It is really easy to look at others and make thier achievements your yardstick. Thats what peer pressure, family pressure and the fast paced world does to us. Thats why it is written that ” we should look upon Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith”. When your focus is God, all things are easy and really become clear. You wont worry if you are becoming archaic because the bible principles are tried and true and never change. Whenever i and my boyfriend have a misunderstanding, friends are quick to tell me to forgive him lest some ‘sharp’ babe plays the ‘understanding and caring’ card. I just tell them i’m not on earth to be a schemer and that i cant keep up with that level of planning for the rest of my life.
    All that aside, lets talk about Idowu*. Does he have a relationship and if yes, did his girlfriend/ wife scheme to get and keep him? He knew all these rules and didnt mind been caught. wow! This is just the kind of interesting person i like meeting. lol.

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  7. Toks

    March 6, 2010 at 2:11 am

    What Idowu failed to mention is the insecurities you have to live with when you go after a man. Would he ever have chosen me? Then there are the thoughts that assault you when you see him with other women. What if they are smarter than me and gently stir you beau in their direction? I am 100% in favor of being chased, it pays to be wanted…plus I agree with Yinka and Silva, a loving relationship with God will set you up for life, so that even when you go through challenges in your commited happy relationship, you will always feel loved.

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  8. jennietobbie

    March 6, 2010 at 2:20 am

    omg….I am so proud of you ladies. One thing is for sure, I cannot settle for less. Nope. If I have something, it’s because I deserve it so I cannot plan for a guy. Heck no!!!

    Also, when you keep thinking that the “eligible” bachelor’s are taken; you will be forced to compromise and settle for less.

    Every one is eligible depending on what you are looking for, so let’s stop this perfect-eligible-Mr-Wright crap!

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  9. Dith-H-P

    March 6, 2010 at 2:42 am

    Very interesting article. Unfortunately Idowu is right but he also forgot 2 mention that not all “bad girls” get lucky.
    You may be that bad girl who will remain the other woman/side chick forever and now the question is—Will u be able 2 live with yourself, knowing fully well that was not who u really were in d first place?

    I’d rather a man marry me for exactly who I am & what I believe in; good girl, bad girl et al., and not some “plan”/act that was developed all as a scheme to nab him. Arrant nonsense! Men and their philosophies i tell u.
    If I get rejected being who I am, it’ll be easier to live with myself.
    Just saying

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  10. Debo Ade

    March 6, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    plan ko, plan ni. if not having a plan is archaic, i would rather be that. stay true to your principles and values. there is no hard and fast rule to it. as a guy would Idowu be able to tell his friends that a chic approached him first?????????

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  11. d tin don shele!

    March 6, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    I am sorry to say but as much as i hate to admit it, this guy is on point.

    1. that is a known fact
    2. I wouldn’t put it as all taken but there is some truth to that
    3. 95% of that statement is very true. I would call them more smart than bad.

    Prayer is everything ladies. There are plenty of good women, educated and beautiful but single and lonely. If you have a good man and the relationship isn’t progressing, fall back on # 1 if not, #3 will take over.

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  12. Ada Owerri

    March 7, 2010 at 5:39 am

    God bless you for this.

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  13. Truthteller

    March 7, 2010 at 11:25 am

    Its interesting to note how in so many of the responses there has always been a lot of emphasis in “faithful” prayer, “putting faith in God” etc, but i think while prayer is an important component of the solution, it is not the total solution by itself.
    Effective prayer in itself is a very difficult thing to understand, measure,
    and implement. I will use the state of Nigeria as a perfect example. Almost everybody in Nigeria prays fervently for a better Nigeria daily but from all indications, Nigeria is not getting better (at least seemingly commensurate to the volume of prayer). It means one of the following:
    1) We are not praying properly-individually and as a result collectively
    2) We are praying properly, but then it is Gods will that our “prayers are not answered” in which case our prayer is rendered “irrelevant”
    3) We are praying properly, but there are certain actions that need to be taken in addition to the prayer to make it effective.
    So, if we can be getting it “wrong” when it comes to praying for Nigeria, why do we think we can’t be in error when it comes to the way we pray about our Matrimonial future or any other thing for that matter?
    And so, on to my main point. I agree with “Idowu” from the story that most females lack a serious plan for getting married. However, i don’t really accept his 4points or suggestions as effective ways to landing the perfect catch.
    In my opinion, any married member of the opposite sex, is “no go”, but every other person is “fair game”. Without resorting to telling lies, going sinful or getting fetish, I believe it is okay for any single person to try and attract a member of the opposite sex with whatever “legitimate tools” may be at their disposal. Unless you are dating someone close to me, why should your relationship status matter to me?
    Women should learn to differentiate between throwing themselves at men, and putting themselves forward in the best possible way. It may look the same on the surface, but it is quite different. The summary of my advice is this:

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  14. Truthteller

    March 7, 2010 at 11:27 am

    1, Ask yourself this question sincerely, “why should a man want me above every other?”. Too many ladies(and guys) erroneously believe that they are “All that and a bag of chips”. If you are not a princess(i am not saying every lady does not have the potential to be one, or is not born special), why the heck do you think you deserve a prince? Summary, work on making yourself the best possible person!
    2, Meeting the right person is a game of numbers. The more guys you meet, the more your chances of meeting the right TYPE of person. Girls should make it a habit to actively seek out male company (sports bars anyone?) and make new male friends. You won’t like everyone you meet (in fact some you won’t be able to stand), but it is all about increasing your options
    3, Don’t sell yourself short, but be practical about it. Some “bad boyfriends” can still make great husbands. People behave very differently when there is a scarcity instead of abundance. I think in the initial stages of dating, girls should learn to turn a blind eye to some male infidelities especially if she sets her ground rules from the onset. For example in most cases, it is totally unrealistic to expect that you will insist on not being sexually active with your partner, but expect him not to have sex for the next 2yrs until you marry. Better to set the rules governing such (very likely) actions on his part, which for example could include, full disclosure on his part, insisting on his being “respectful and discreet” in such matters, and if necessary insisting that you are allowed to platonicly date other guys until he learns to get his libido in check. I’m not condoning premarital sex, but very few people(men) are able to practice celibacy. When he is “ready to settle down” and be monogamous, if he is still your number one man on YOUR list, then you can move on towards marriage. If you are truly celibate why can’t you be close to many men (to better understand them and determine compatibility) before using prayer to guide you to the one that is best for and meant for you?

    So, please, by all means put your matrimonial future into proper prayer, but do not, neglect to take the necessary actions that will help your prayers manifest. You do not have to turn yourself into a queen b**** to get a man, you just have understand yourself as a person, and clearly understand what a complementary mate for you will look like, improve on yourself as an individual, and then actively and using sensible/safe means increase the number of men you meet which will lead you to more of your time of man. Happy married life!

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  15. Nneka

    March 7, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    You have a point. There’s definitely more sense and value in getting rejected while being the main chic than while being the side squeeze. As the side squeeze you can’t even lament (and sound rational) to any sensible person for pete sake. Any sane person, sibling or friend, will tell you the truth: your actions suck so don’t air your dirty laundry!

    2 is hella funny. Although I don’t think anyone is a reject really. It’s all a case of one man’s meat is another man’s(or several men’s) poison. Maybe these ‘reject’ men need “The Plan: An Alternative Strategy for the Contemporary Single MAN”.

    On 4, I noticed that even though a lady ignores his past, HE DOESN’T. All he wants to hear are the whys and hows and whens of your past relationship(s). I make it a point not to date men who ask tooo many questions. I’m letting your sleeping dog lay. Don’t wake mine up Mr.

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  16. Hawt

    March 8, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    Hey Truthteller 🙂
    you know when i first saw your comments, i was like too loooong, but i’m glad i read everything cos what you said up there was the TRUTH. like you literally took the words outta my mouth. I also believe in praying, and praying some more but at the same time, it pays to ACT!.it’s one thing to go on your knees everyday and pray, it’s another thing to step out and do something. God, as loving as he is, is not gonna come down and literally place your man in your laps…so ladies, pls balance your prayers with some work/action.

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  17. Betty Boop

    March 8, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    This is plain ridiculous: let him get his indiscretions done discreetly? This is the type of behavior and acquiescence that makes our (African) men think cheating is ok or inevitable. Are you kidding me? So what if we get married, i get pregnant and am put on bed rest (very common occurrence). If I can’t have sex then and his libido is up, is it ok for him to ‘discreetly’ go and have an affair? u really must be freaking kidding me. Oh – and forget the prayer angle: with an outlook like this – prayer isn’t going to be helping anything. Lawd! Oh and might i ask why it is unrealistic to expect him not to have seex for the next two years, if I am not having sex either? Men are not animals running around. Even animals have been trained. So why not them? Puh-lease!

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  18. Truthteller

    March 8, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    Hey Betty Boop,

    I wonder if you took time to read my comment carefully. I said clearly that i do not condone pre-marital sex, and i don’t have anything against prayer as you imply. what i do know is that prayer without ACTION is empty. I am not making excuses for african men, but on a different note, it will take several generations (maybe as few as 2 more) before the concept of monogamy will sink in properly and pervasively. Most of us have grand fathers who had more than one wife, but most of our parents were monogamous. Our generation (i’m assuming you are between 22 and 40) will almost completely be monogamous, and our children will almost all shun polygamy. Monogamy is mainly a NEW christian concept which will take time to sink in.
    When making plans you can be idealistic or realistic. choice is yours, but if you are too idealistic, you will be disappointed over and over.
    I am glad you used the word “training” when it comes to Men. Yes, they can be “trained”, but as you know, training is a gradual process. Changes will not come overnight.
    It is like smoking. If a someone promises to quit, the can’t quit overnight. It will take a while, 10cigs today, down to 9 next week, then 8etc etc.
    I wish men could control their libido, like the average lady can. I truly do. But truth is whether you like it or not, most men can’t. I didn’t make them that way, they just are. So, when it comes to a man changing from a playboy overnight, i dare say it is almost impossible. it may happen once or twice, but it is very rare. So, when you meet that right man, who is perfect save this bad habit, what do you do? throw him out immediately, or work with him to change his ways? This process, by the way, would include lots of prayer.
    I believe part of the problem is that people do not marry or try to marry people who they are not compatible with financially, morally, spiritually, AND sexually. You MUST see eye to eye on these and other topic, to minimize problems within the marriage.
    And that leads me to my final comment. Hopefully, by the time you would have gotten married, he will be in the proper state of mind to be the faithfull husband HE SHOULD BE. His libido would be in check, and he would have learnt to focus it totally on you. If you do get pregnant, and have to be put on bed rest, I would hope that you and your husband would have had the discussion of what would happen in that situation well before you even got pregnant. Every couple has very practical solutions to the unique sexual situations they will find themselves in. I am sure that the two of you will be able to creatively satisfy each other without violating the terms of your bedrest for that brief period of time.

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  19. Betty Boop

    March 8, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    Hi truthteller…..
    I think we should just agree to disagree. I understand your point perfectly, I just happen to 100% disagree with it (and Idowu’s opinions too) .
    first of all – saying “i don’t condone premarital sex, but whether we like it or not, most men can’t control their libido” is condoning premarital sex.

    On the subject o prayer, the Bible says that God has given us “everything that pertains to life and godliness”. If abstinence is a part of godliness, then God has given us that too and women AND men are able to control their libido. I have a question: why exactly can’t men control their sexual urges? Women control them; why can’t men?

    As to monogamy v. polygamy. What generations? Why should it take time for monogamy to sink in? That my grandfather was polygamous has nothing to do with monogamy! And polygamy had to do with TAKING WIVES, not sleeping with people before you were married to them because your significant other isn’t sleeping with you. Saying it will take ‘some generations to sink in’ is another way to justify men, the way I see it. You say our generation will be monogamous – sleeping with other people because your girlfriend doesn’t want to sleep with you is not monogamy. Monogamy=one spouse=one sexual partner.

    monogamy is also not a new concept. It has been around as long as there was marriage. Are u trying to tell me that in the days of our grandfather and back, every man married more than one woman? No.

    Again I reiterate: men are not animals; they are not aliens. They are humans, just like women are. Women and men can control themselves, that’s part of what makes us human. There is nothing about a woman’s self will that is not present in a man. If a woman can control her libido, so can a man.

    And as to prayer – God is forgiving and loving, and understands our circumstances, but He doesn’t condone sin. How is he going to be answering your prayer for a good man, when u are off encouraging your man to go off and do something God expressly forbids? How will God change a man when the influence in the man’s life, the very person who is praying for him, is encouraging him to go and do something God forbids. Again I say: in that case, forget the prayer bit, because it won’t work. Prayer requires action, you say, and that’s true. God will answer a prayer for a faithful man if the man is trying everything to be faithful, if his girlfriend/fiance is helping him to be faithful and praying for him to be faithful. If he’s off sleeping with other people at the behest of his GF – no! just forget the prayer.

    Faithfulness and smoking are apples and oranges. Faithfulness is practiced. A man becomes faithful by being faithful-consistently. He doesn’t become faithful by having affairs to ‘get it out of his system’. He doesn’t becomf faithful by reducing the number of affairs he has over time. It is an all-or-nothing propostion. If he is unfaithful before the marriage, he will be unfaithful after because he wasn’t faithful to begin with.

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  20. Betty Boop

    March 8, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    Besides, there are so many dangers with this propostion it’s scary. Eg: STDs. And many STDs are asymptomatic – even if he has them, he won’t know! No…it’s untenable.

    As for God – He is the one who knows where the faithful men are. So I guess my prayers will better be directed to asking him to LEAD me to one instead.
    And no, there is no excuse for cheating, ESPECIALLY if you are married. A woman doesn’t get pregnant by herself. If a man is not man enough to hang in there while she carries the baby HE put there, then, well – he isn’t a man to begin with, was he?

    This is not about being idealistic or being realistic. it is about self control and realising that women and men both have self-control. Excusing men on grounds of ‘it’s unrealistic’ is what lets men think they can cheat and get away with it.

    And I’ll hold out for a faithful man – one who has self-control, because they do exist. If women who have self control exist, then men who have self-control exist too, and God knows where they are. Whether or not you are abstinent in your relationship, there is no reason for a man to cheat who is in an exclusive relationship with someone.

    Telling a man to cheat, but do it discretely and let me know when you do it is ;
    1. selling yourself short as a woman. You deserve the best, including a faithful man
    2. fraught with dangers like STDs
    3. denying my man the opportunity to be a man, to assert himself over his sexual urges.
    4. telling my man i look at him like a child, or an unbridled animal. No one wants an animal or a child for a mate. we want a man! a man: a strong, assertive, caring, loving MAN. No one who cheats is any of these.

    Ok my essay is over.

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    • zaizai

      March 25, 2011 at 1:51 am

      i love u….yes homo, lol
      u n i are totally on d same page on dis matters, unfortunately we have been brainwashed dat men r animals not humans, n dey no dis, dey can sence our desperation…

      1
  21. Truthteller

    March 9, 2010 at 1:32 am

    Dear Betty Boop,
    I am thoroughly enjoying our discussion, and yes we can agree to disagree, though I do not think we differ as much as may appear on the surface.
    I have emphasized more on the cheating man, because the subject of this article has been a woman.
    Also, most people do not find salvation early enough in life, and in this case, many men are more likely to have lived a wild life before coming to their senses, repenting and trying to live the proper spirtual life. Because most men fall into this category, my focus has been on this type of man. The man who wants to change but is most likely going to slip and slide along the way.
    Unfortunately, the only real way to measure a faithful man is at the “very last day”. By that I mean that if a man cheats on the very last day, just before he dies, then in the end can we say he was a faithful man to his wife?
    I do not want us to keep on going back and forth, and this medium will not let me properly flesh out the other aspects of my “solution” and so i’ll end by saying that I REALLY do hope that your holding out for that faithful man in the manner which you have suggested is successful. I have always said that part of the reason men get away with a lot of their nonsense is because too many ladies cut them too much slack.
    So maybe ladies like you will be enough incentive for them to straighten their game.
    Go forth and prosper!

    1
  22. gingergingerakaswaggaswagga

    March 9, 2010 at 6:15 am

    Idowu’s principles makes no sense to me….marriage, relationships and general matters of the heart have no principles, …Another man will bail if a woman is trying hard to direct him to the aisle …It is what it is!!every situation is distinct , there are really no hard and fast rule to these things

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  23. theodora

    March 9, 2010 at 11:15 pm

    I’m in my tweenties, beautiful,smart,godly and general an interesting person so when i meet guys and they ask me that question why are U single? i say i don’t know then they think something might be wrong with me lool. Praying, planing all that is theory. Matters of the heart are complicated…I refuse to settle for less sha

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  24. vistruck

    March 10, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Don’t you just hate it when you find that person that makes you happy but cannot be with them because is complicated. No mater the complication one thing you are sure of is the way they make you feel when they are around. When they go haywire you stamp your foot on the ground saying you are over them and when they come back you’ll be strong and just ignore those feelings. But then those feelings don’t go away. The difference is clear with the way you feel when they are away and when you have them close to talk to or know they still like you.
    A very smart young woman with moral values end up falling in love with a guy that is a major flirt and insensitive the ’I just want to have fun type’ with time it becomes obvious the guy is just a *** and will probably never commit but still those feelings are not going away. You read all the empowerment quotes to get over it and move on but still find your self hooked on the guy you can’t have. Matters of the hearts are complicated according to Theodora but what is a girl suppose to do?

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  25. Lolly-Dee

    March 16, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    There is something about men wanting bad girls. I remember back in high school days when we had the so-called good girls and the bad girls. As it turns out, every single one of the bad girl is married today and most of the good girls are still un-married.

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  26. WALE ADENIJI

    March 17, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Truthteller,true to your name, you have said nothing but the truth here whether anyone agrees or not. I’m a man and get the point. An average African man is polygamos in nature. It is only recently with the economic situation that we tend do see polygamy as anomaly. Interview 100 men about being faithful to a relationship they have with a particular lady and you will be shocked to realise that 99.9% keep more than that lady in question. I need not go on and on saying so much. You have said it all and thank you for that. Let those who will listen to you listen good and those who won’t, shouldn’t at their own peril.w

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  27. Anon

    March 17, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    Sounds like something a man who won’t remain faithful to say: ‘ i am polygamous by nature’

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  28. ME

    April 15, 2010 at 10:35 am

    Sadly, that’s the life we live in… the so called bad girls are so smart and they do all they can to take and keep any man they want In as much as we cannot compromise our values..we need to have a bit of “the bad girl” in us..we cannot be the goodie lovie girl all the time..the contemporary world wont allow us, we only need to know the right context to exhibit out craze and bad girl attitude…As for me..when i find him..I will do all I can to keep him, however..i wont take any trash just because I wanna keep a man. And I still believe the guy should be the hunter and the girl the hunted…that cannot be compromised….

    1
  29. Ify

    April 20, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    @Betty boop and Truthteller
    Life is such that you get what you expect. He (or rather she) who is already preparing to be cheated on and is already making excuses in advance for her husband, most probably that is what you’ll get. And she who is ready to hold out for the best, so be it. Time will tell.

    1
  30. Gezani

    April 20, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    I am young woman in my 30’s and a divorcee South African woman without a child. I never entertained a guy who was in a relationship bt my perception is changing. I have met a nigerian guy in South Africa and I put my cards on the table (I was seperated at that time) and he was open to tell me he also has a wife back home. I do not wish to marry him but he is Mr. Right Now. We are getting closer everyday and I do not expect him to leave his wife bt for now we’re there for each other. I used to be so judgmental on people until I found in this shoes. I am creating my own rules.

    1
    • zaizai

      March 25, 2011 at 1:54 am

      ok den..pls let us no d rules of an adulterer

      1
  31. Anon

    April 21, 2010 at 1:06 am

    Ah yes – good for you, Ms. non-judgmental – helping the man to betray the trust his wife has in him. Thank you for creating your own rules while his wife in all probability is holding the rule the rest of us hold – monogamy, especially if you are married. Load of bullshit.

    1
  32. Annie

    April 25, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    my plan to bag a man is to let God’s plan for me to get married happen when He means for it to happen…

    1
  33. kech

    April 28, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    interesting. so many good gals are in this dilemma. really do u have to plan 2 get a man and kip him? trust me the oda side of the coin is that, u will kip planning to kip him, until death do u both part. It comes with a whole load of insecurities and uncertainties. Trust me. I believe every girl deserves the best and u nid a man u can trust with ur 2 eyes closed cos he came to get u and he has accepted u for who u are. Girls shuldnt give up on themselves and stoop low as to plan to get a man. That is bullshit. Just believe in urself, hold on to God and develop urself well. That man will come.

    2) U are however fri to plan kip him wen he has taken u down the altar and u are his wife.

    1
  34. Jade82

    April 30, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    Nice read from everyone…As for Idowu’s comment …..lmao ! A man will tell u the way they see things and persuade you to believe it’s true. Believe me they think and reason different.
    I am in my 20’s single and just remaining steadfast and letting God almighty lead me to a good man. I have dated and gone on dates and when they say u learn from experience you do.
    They are good men out there but one thing people need to understand is prayer is key. Also faith without works is dead; meaning when u realize what you want in a man then you know right off the back the ones you keep as friends and nothing more and have faith in meeting the right person. Because God will not put the man on ur lap, he will lead you in the right path.

    Secondly, Betty Boop and Truth teller have a point I agree with them. It’s just we can wish/want men to practice celibacy like women. I know they can it’s just they don’t want too. With God in ur relationship / marriage a God fearing man will stay clear from such…..prayers and more prayers are needed….

    As for men asking why you single? Girl say Yes, is that a problem…..some men might think it’s weird; no u just haven’t met the right person. No need to be wasting ur time with someone that will kill ur emotion and probably blind you from meeting Mr. Right. Go out with friends and stay focused u will see all the wolves in sheep clothing….

    Ladies don’t give up just ask God almighty to lead you in the right direction. Because your time is not God’s time, so do not SETTLE FOR LESS because everyone around is getting married. I am content with myself and any man that will accept me for who I am and I like/love the person….all I will do is give God the glory.

    Besides there are a lot of assholes out there that think they are doing you a favor by talking or dating u….so make sure you SHINE EYE…abeg!!!

  35. Molicious

    May 12, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Lmao, Lmao @ the comments, lwkmd, too funny, oh Idowu, see the kind of debate you started…trust God, follow your heart and you’ll never get lost

  36. Obie

    December 17, 2010 at 8:59 am

    Reading all the comments on this page reminds me how much most ladies don’t get it. I dont understand the ‘archaic’ or ‘badgirl’ terminology.. I’m just on the affirmative with most of what Idowu says.
    I’m a dude too, & Idowu was only too right when he says that men are directionless, this means that only the ladies that propel the r/ship towards marriage will make it to the altar in most cases. Guys love lounging in the comfort zone.. sorry to say, but marriage doesn’t exactly fit into the zone. As it is with breaking off from comfort zones, irrespective of which, we need a ‘push’, to leave the zone, thats where the girl’s ‘plan’ comes into play.
    Also, for some inexplicable reason, guys most times dont marry their long-term girlfriends, especially when they already start acting like a couple.. for example; living with each other. I’m yet to unravel that one but in the time being, U single ladies had better start planning, except U dont mind the ‘status’.. I’m pretty sure the guys don’t mind either.
    As for U “God will do it 4 me” people, sure He will.. but not without Ur concerted efforts.. think about it!

    • zaizai

      March 25, 2011 at 2:00 am

      …and y does dis effort involve helpin a man cheat on another woman?would u be totally cool wiv it if ur girlfriend or fiance was being ‘led to the altar’ by another guy who is ready 2 settle down, if u were just one of options, after u put ur all into the relationship? lets treat pple as we want 2 b treated….justifying cheating wont help…

  37. zaizai

    March 25, 2011 at 1:49 am

    polygamy and cheating are two different things…..in polygamy, u r married, key word, married 2 d new wife and the old wife knows abt this…..yes!dat is traditionally african…
    cheating howvere, is…..cheating, u r hiding it! (p.s-it is possible 2 marry a new wife after only courting wivout extra-marital sex)
    so mayb u meant 2 say many men cheat…pls guys, lets stop justifying wrong deeds…many of u men, will faint if ur wives cheated on u, n pls spare me dat trash on nature n inevitibility…u work hard at restraining urself not succumbing to temptation, under d unbrella of ‘i’m a man, we all cheat?!’

  38. Pingback: Can Women Really Plan to Find a Man? « love.african!

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