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Fighting for Love



I had an amazing weekend! My friends and I had a major cook out, just for the sake of it! Peppered chicken, jollof and fried rice, cat fish pepper soup, honeyed barbequed ribs and all the ‘medemedes’ you can think of! So much for my diet! After, we had eaten till we were bursting out of our skinny jeans and watched what seemed like the 100th Nigerian home video, our conversations turned to the inevitable….MEN. Old boyfriends, new boy friends, toasters, fiancés, husbands nothing was off limits. At first the conversation was humorous, we laughed at ourselves, at our past and present men. Then almost by design, Cheryl Cole’s “Fight For This Love” song came on. We all echoed the chorus like contestants on American Idol and some of us even tried to copy the steps!

But when the song was over, I started thinking about what it meant to fight for love? This love thing is a tricky business. In the past, I have fought for love and others have fought for my love. But in the end love had already made up it’s mind and the inevitable heartache followed. I remember putting this idea to my friends and they all disagreed. Anything worth having requires a fight, they replied. Fight as much as you want, love always goes where it wants, was my reply. Glory, you need to stop being so cynical! They screamed back!

Maybe age has made me more realistic. You see, I am a firm believer in letting love and life be. I am tired of fighting for what wasn’t mine to begin with and getting severely burnt in the process. A few years ago, I was in a long term relationship. The first couple of years were pure bliss. Off course we had fights. But the good times outnumbered the bad a million to one. Then 3 years into the relationship, the inevitable happened. He changed. The calls became significantly less, and the fights significantly more. It was one issue or the other, one quarrel after another, each fight taking away the memories of good times we’d shared. I will unashamedly admit that I fought tooth and nail for that relationship. In fact I even took training lessons from Mohammed Ali. I did physical, emotional and spiritual warfare. Then one day it hit me! I was the only one fighting! I was like a mad boxer alone in the ring, throwing punches into mid air while my opponent was busy sleeping in a hotel room somewhere. So I stopped fighting and used all that extra energy to take care and love me. It was hard at first but I learnt the hard way that if you have to fight to make anyone love you, it really might not be worth it.

But how do you know if the fight is worth it until you have fought to the end? It’s common knowledge that every fight requires more than one person. So if you ever find yourself fighting for love, it might be worth taking a step back and seeing how many people are actually doing the fighting.

Love, as I have grown to understand it over the years, isn’t as hard as we all make it seem. You either love someone or you don’t. You either want to be with someone or you don’t….yes there will always be challenges, but love means deciding to be with that person regardless of those challenges. So personally I see no reason to fight for someone to love me. None whatsoever. I know its cliché but the saying ‘the best things in life are free’ isn’t at all far from the truth. And if any of the relationships around me are anything to go by, love really is one of those free things and if a fight is necessary to preserve any relationship, like with all things…it should always involve 2.

Photo Credit: istockphoto

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on


  1. neli

    April 29, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    Real love wld’nt make you fight… tanx for the heads up.

  2. Ada

    April 29, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    true talk! good piece

  3. lullaby

    April 29, 2010 at 8:32 pm

    I believe that when another babe is trying to take your man and he is blinded by infatuation, you need to fight for your man and prove to him that your love is sweeter and more lasting than anything he thinks he is getting outside. Yes, true love is free but keeping that love takes a lot of hard work.

  4. Lamide A.

    April 29, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    I definitely agree.

  5. Mena Ukodoisready

    April 29, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    Not at all meaning to state the obvious: but look at what happened to the owner of the song? There she was promoting the notion of a married life and sticking with your man no matter what, while her husband was sticking his d*ck wherever the thing wanted!

    ..and with a minute orgasm, breaking her heart, self conidence, and general view of men.. Someone should have told me years ago that keeping yourself for the right one, being the perfect, loving, giving woman when you see him, and even releasing an album to celebrate him, will not win you a happy married, committed life!

    Best to invest in yourself, and take life as it comes, Glory, you said it all


  6. dlapikin

    April 29, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    I so agree with this piece!!!

    @ lullaby,
    Sometimes men really need to go for those useless girls to appreciate what they have… Otherwise you think you’ve one but for him it’s just another unfinished business…
    I say let love find you; If it’s yours it’ll come back without you breaking a nerve or a sweat…

  7. Fumzy

    April 30, 2010 at 12:18 am

    Good one. First time commenting… I’m just glad you are back, being craving your work.

  8. Bibi

    April 30, 2010 at 12:59 am

    When I sing that song, I change it to “I’m gonna slap, punch, kill for this love…if it’s worth having, it’s worth killing for”. And I mean it LOL.

  9. lullaby

    April 30, 2010 at 1:49 am

    Dlapikin – I think that in an ideal world, if you let love go, it comes back to you if it was truly yours, but in the real world that we are living in, you’ll be waiting a long long time! By the time he realizes what time it is, he’ll be married with 4 children with the ‘other’ woman. Would you still want him back then. I think people are of the notion that when love happens, this is where the story ends and because you have found love, the feeling of being in love will remain everlasting. The truth is, you have to keep keeping him interested and vice versa. True love is hard to find and what one must never ever do is let it go without a fight.

  10. tayosque

    April 30, 2010 at 5:06 am

    Fight for true love…. until you know there’s nothing else to fight about….

  11. Dith-H-P

    April 30, 2010 at 5:11 am

    U are too good! Absolutely Love this piece right here!!

  12. sils

    April 30, 2010 at 9:40 am

    I totally agree with you.sometnihng similar to this isgoin on in my life rite nw.m donly one fightn to keep d relationship together.v tryd getn him out of my head bt its nt workin.i knw wt tym i will be able to let GO

  13. LALA

    April 30, 2010 at 10:27 am

    This is a nice pice of writing..i agree with the writer, if the 2 parties involved arnt both working to make it a successful one and theres only one person who’s doin all the fighting, eventually it will burn that person out nd ull begin to feel weary and tired and dissatisfied and eventually unhappy.
    real love aint perfect but its bout two imperfect pple working in agreement together to achieve similar goals. pls note i said TOGETHER(2PPLE) Dnt for the love of a man or woman who aint interested in trying to have u for keeps too.

  14. lau

    April 30, 2010 at 10:33 am

    Nice piece,I dnt thnk love is worth fighting for.Bella I wnt u to publish my story,hw do I send it across,plss.

  15. TJ

    April 30, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Another nice one! Girl, you’ve said it all. At least you know you tried
    your best and like I always say “Nothing is by force!” Coming from a guy,
    believe me when I say that sometimes it’s that extra push (or punch!) from you
    ladies that makes the difference.

  16. adelegirl

    April 30, 2010 at 11:34 am

    I think that most people can associate with this story. I certainly know that I can. But it takes wisdom to know when something is not worth fighting anymore and hang up your boxing gloves. Case in point – Cheryl Cole. Ashley Cole had cheated on her several times but she stayed with him (fighting for her love) but she finally let wisdom rule and left him. I’m sure it was a very difficult decision but kudos to her for taking that decision instead of being forced out. It’s marginally less heart breaking when you decide of your own volition to quit.

    And I totally agree that if you have to fight for it, then it’s not worth it anyway. Christians know that they should model their life after God and His love. Do we have to fight for God’s love? Certainly not.

  17. kemi

    April 30, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    Words out of my heart! Have fought for a love I thot was worth fighting, only to realise that if I’m d only 1 fighting this hard- then he just doesn’t love me enough. Simply put. And I gave up fightin. Best decision of my life.

  18. Steve

    April 30, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Nice Article, i totally agree with Lullaby! If you won’t fight for it, then the guy you’re letting go of is actually lucky.

  19. Tess

    April 30, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    My brothers’s girlfriend should read this, just what she needs right now:
    to stop fighting alone.

  20. Toun

    April 30, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    Totally agree. Best article yet Glory!!

  21. V-gal

    April 30, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    Glory I love this piece because it reflects my point of view
    1. The truth of the matter is if a girl that is fighting for love see this she will ignore and say you don’t understand
    2. It is only out of experience you can learn and begin to understand what love is. So many times we think we are fighting for love when the deepest truth is we are in the relationship because of economical security and fear of loneliness etc
    3. Distance, work schedule etc can make a relationship hard but in those times it is not love you are fighting for, the love is there but it’s just the circumstance you are fighting against.
    4. If the love is meant to be it should make you happy deep inside and not turn you to Ho kogan

    Glory your writing is a gift..DON’T LOSE IT

  22. Netta

    April 30, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    I agree with u completely V-gal. Love should make u happy not turn u to Hulk Hogan.
    First time I read ur piece Glory. U are awesome. Makes a whole lot of sense.

  23. chika

    May 1, 2010 at 1:57 am

    I can relate with this article now. I don’t know if I should fight for it or just let go. God please help me.

  24. Olivia M

    May 1, 2010 at 3:22 am

    Nice piece.

  25. Lala

    May 3, 2010 at 4:54 pm

    i totally agree with you Glory! Nice article! I really don’t think one has to fight for a love that is clearly non-existent. besides, Cheryl Cole said ‘We’ve got to fight for this love’ not ‘I’ve got to fight for this love’. if you want to fight, it has to be together. but for me, my mother always told me that no relationship by force, either they love you or they don’t, why fight??

  26. misstee

    May 3, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    well said glory!..ladies a lot of us keep mixing up d true meaning of ‘fight for love’ definitely doesnt involve forcing smone (who’s obviously not/no longer) into u to change his mind…u can’t fake the funk sistas…he”s either into you or he’ not..and when he me!..u wldnt need to be spotting boxing gloves..period!

  27. Wayfarer

    May 4, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Adelegirl…well said…going back to cheryl, how long did they date before they got married? they were to quick to say we are in love, lets get married. this is what you get when two overgrown kids try to do things meant for adults, Ashley is totally and overgrown boy!!! thats all

  28. bebe

    May 5, 2010 at 2:29 am

    nice one! after struggling to be in a relationship for a year ! i have come to realise that really guys are easy to understand ohhh , we are the ones complicating issues and
    reading meaning into the obvious … when he loses interest there will definitely be a hint .

  29. semira

    May 5, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    woww..i luv dis piece…its soo true nd i totally agree wit bebe..we girls tend to
    complicate things alot..regardless u shuld only fight with some1 dats willin
    2 get in the ring with u…nice piece

  30. Molicious

    May 7, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    Nice one, loves it! A lot of people fight and hurt themselves for things that aren’t theirs, I love it! you hit the nail on the head sista, preach on!

  31. Lohita

    May 7, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    wow this makes total sense..i so agree.
    what will be will..thnx 4 d reminder

  32. Senorita

    May 7, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    Word!!! Just like you just told my story…..only that mine was for two (2) years.
    Fought spiritually and all….fighting alone and just grew older than my age and
    still lost the ‘battle’ after all. There is no point fighting all alone might not worth it.

  33. tk

    May 10, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    go Glo go!! where’s the next article pllllsssss? i have missed this!

  34. kumzy

    May 12, 2010 at 11:38 am

    I def luv the article & agree with most pple
    Love needs working on…so the 2 people have to work to keep it fresh..That is my own understanding of fighting for the love but you need to be sure its the TWO of u working together. If he is not committed to working it out, then one needs to seriously think whether that is what one wants. Of course, ask God for wisdom as well

  35. 2 fyne

    May 12, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    True oh – no need fighting alone. When u fight alone and lose then the ” i invested so much in that relationship” story comes up. So beta not fight alone and let it go.

  36. Teetee

    May 13, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    its quite true. love should not be ‘hard labour without an option of fine”.it is either he/she is into you or not. When you have to fight and cry everyday to get any attention, then it is time to say good bye. it may be hard at first, but it surely it will get better.the saying is true ‘if you dont let go by opening your hands, you cannot receive’. i wish all hurting lovers all the love they deserve

  37. lala

    May 15, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    glory i totally agree with you.true talk mehn…..

  38. DivaliciousT-Baby

    May 16, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    I fought for a love and i ended up looking older than my age lol.but the minute i told myslf No Love is worth fighting for!I fell in love wt me!Moi! and God the more.Now the yeye love i almost got blinded for by fighting is still on my heels butttttttt T-Baby has moved on frm that level.Soldier Come Soldier Go!Whats yours will definately be urs .You dont have to fight for it,rather pray abt it.

  39. me

    May 18, 2010 at 8:56 am

    Never fight for love instead it should fight for you remember love conquers
    everything, if it goes let it just go and move on if it comes know it is there to stay
    if someone truly loves u jst do the needful & force not coz it might break and
    injure you badly.thats what i did and believe you me it worked best.

  40. Onayimi

    May 19, 2010 at 8:20 am

    Yes, love shouldn’t be fought for. It will find you.
    I learnt from a bitter experience that fighting for love is just too expensive, too tasking, energy exerting and energy sapping.
    Just move on, it will find you.

  41. Dianah

    May 19, 2010 at 10:29 am

    sometimes the fight is not becos the other party doesnt love u, sometimes the fight is cos of the challenges you meet and if the person is worth the fight.
    trust me on this, it takes two to fight,if the brother aint fighting as well to make it work,then maybe u should transfer all that energy elsewhere.

  42. WaleAdeniji

    May 23, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Glory, i agree with you. You don’t fight for love. Whatever will be will be. All we need do is commit all our things in the hands of God. Play your part and leave the rest to Him. If that relationship is destined to be, it will surely be. If not, it was never meant to be. If you go to the extreme and fight for it, you might be undoing yourself. What if God wants to safe you future tragedy and you’re by force holding on to that tragedy. Such is the situation many have found themselves and what you later find on their lips is ” Had i known”. Let love take its natural course and stop fighting dirty.


  43. Ty

    May 25, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    Dis is a very gud write up.LOVE can be so complicated,bt wat is urs is urs.Its beta 2 pray abt it & move on cos wen u kip fighting u could get hurt d more.

  44. jennietobbie

    May 28, 2010 at 1:22 am

    I love you Bella.. This is really a good piece

  45. Aibee

    May 28, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    I agree with you, Glory, to an extent. You should fight for love. Matter of fact, fight tooth and nail for it. But you also need to step back once in a while and see if you are the only one fighting.

    every solid relationship requires the 2 parties to build it and keep it going. Where you are the only one fighting, its probably because you are the only one who wants to be in the relationship. Let it go.

  46. beanie

    June 2, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    just like we fight to get to the top,fightin to keep true love is part of living…few hitches in this kinda fight tho are: is the love worth fightin for? is d prize itself(d person) worth the fight? how much fight are u ready to put in?r u going to start fightin and den give up or are u goin to fight while keepin an alternative on the side?…sometimes, wen it’s time to fight,den its time to pack.few other times, it’s worth it…inshort, it’s a personal decision and has no rules

  47. omotoke

    June 3, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    i agree fully with Glory.Men break-up with women only when their minds have been fully made up, so fighting for him might be worthless. Never allow yourself be ‘managed’ by a man. Sometimes, we just have to let go no matter how hard it seems but then again, this dosen’t apply to everyone.-YOUR CASE MIGHT JUST BE DIFFERENT………….

  48. Genevieve

    June 3, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    like you rightly said, fighting for love is only reasonable when there are two of you fighting, but often times, you dnt tend to realise that! but if two people are involved in the fight, i think there is sure to be a good prize-HAPPINESS.

  49. label

    June 3, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    I couldn’t agree more, lol even the cheryl cole has stopped fighting

  50. Karen

    July 2, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Very Good!! Chapeau!!! and Thank you!

  51. iquo

    July 16, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    i agree to that. when love finds you, if its yours it’ll definately come back to you that is if it is really yours. there love is not fight in love but has alot to do with sharing

  52. teebailey

    December 9, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    love aint worth fighting 4,it flows naturally,so let it flow naturally with no catalyst

  53. Obie

    December 16, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    @ Gloria- I used to think exactly like you not so long ago, until an incident involving a very close friend of mine changed my standpoint on the issue..
    Sometimes you’ve just got to fight for what is ‘yours’. You’ld be surprised how far a little push or tussle from you can go in retrieving what is ‘yours’, if it really is i.e.

  54. T.Paul

    March 22, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    This is an eye opener 4 me…..this is what i need in my present predicament. i really appreciate d fact that i read this.

  55. babylove

    April 6, 2011 at 3:05 am

    this piece is so true nd it is exactlly wat im going through, fighting and crying for attention from the one that says he loves me nd im getting married to in about 4 months time so torn between letting go after 6yrs…

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