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Chop ‘Em Off

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A couple of months ago, a close friend advised that I should take dating a little more seriously. He felt that I was a little too relaxed about “this process” and just like the typical Nigerian, he was worried about the ticking Giant Clock! I took his advice, and soon realised that I was suddenly eager to re-explore all the wonders of the so-called “world of dating”.

In the past, I had been guilty of wasting time, trying to fix men who didn’t want to be fixed. In the course of the relationship, I would spot all the things that I could not afford to live with, and would then take on the role of a “god” and spend hours on end trying to fix him; hoping that I could get him to be good for me – I did this all in futility! Like they say, experience is the best teacher and true to that saying, I have now come up with a fantastic Plan B that has worked wonders for me in the past 18 months or thereabout; since Plan A failed me woefully.

I decided that as soon as I realise that I am incompatible with a man, instead of exerting myself by trying to change / fix him, I just chop him off! I don’t mean the literal chopping i.e. to cut him up; I only kick him to the curb at that moment when I realise that he is slowing me down. Soon after I have done this, I pick myself up and I continue with this fantastic journey of my life.

So, I met a nice gentleman. He could have fit into the shoes of the ONE, except that he had a girlfriend who he wasn’t sure that he wanted to do away with so I helped him to reach a decision very quickly; I chopped him off!

Soon after, I met a bloke who was a tad too arrogant. As far as he was concerned, he came first in all things and I had to follow. However, in my books, its “ladies first always”! I tried to make him see that it didn’t always have to be all about him but he didn’t get my drift. So, instead of wearing myself out trying to fix him as I had done very often in the past, or pretending that he wasn’t a potential jackass, I just chopped him off!

I met a hunk who seemed nice enough but he had a very questionable diction – he had the most awkward choice of words. Even worse, he was always seen to be heading for the condom dispenser. What on earth did he need all those condoms for? Instead of trying to find out whom he was getting his groove on with at that moment – which by the way isn’t my business – I chopped him off!

I met another fellow who seemed nice enough but he had a fundamental flaw – he talks too darn much! I put up with it for a bit till it started to get on my nerves. I spoke to him about it and I even went to the extent of explaining to him that it was “uncool” for guys to talk that much plus, I found this very boring and a major turn off but he still wouldn’t budge. So, I chopped him off!

I met the next chap at some outing. He turned out to be a major sugar bomb! Although he has the qualifications that can enable him to get a 9 – 5 job, he sat around waiting for government contracts. I tried to advice him to do what seemed right for him at the time but he wouldn’t listen. Instead, he kept telling me that he admired women who take care of their men when they have no money. I asked myself what this meant. Did he expect me to foot his bills at this stage? I didn’t think it was wise for me to sit around a second longer so I chopped him off!

I realise that no one including me is perfect and I am not seeking for a perfect man whom I know doesn’t exist. However, I made the decision to “chop” off all these men because I found that none of them was compatible with me! Yes, I did it and it felt good. I had related to each one with rapt attention till I was convinced that what I had seen, heard and felt meant that they all didn’t qualify as “My One”.

Instead of settling for just anyone, or wasting time when we meet with potential jerks, let’s do ourselves a favour and “chop them off”! This is easier than you think and it saves you a lot of time, energy and effort. More so, when “the One” comes, you should be available and not be tied down to the wrong man. Don’t worry, he that will come, will surely come!

62 Comments

  1. indomie

    June 16, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    This is true. But as always, its always easier said than done 🙂

  2. Lil' Ma

    June 16, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Well, after all said and done. Who has profited the most from your action. The men or you? We all have objective and subjective opinions in handling things. I’m not sure what to make of this.

    abi?

  3. Boyo

    June 16, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    I’m a happily married guy ..but I love this article.

    A stitch (cut in this case) saves not nine but a thousand.

    Damn tradition, culture and peer / societal pressure – they work against us in most cases.

    Priceless!

  4. Gam

    June 16, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    Nice..i could have written this, but yup no compromise!

  5. Swtheart

    June 16, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    @everything you chop off and you are advising women to do same…
    how long have u been with these men before chopping them off?

  6. Bisqo

    June 16, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Like your write up…. although some women would prefer to hang on to a man
    than not have one at all…after all “nobody is perfect” abi???

  7. PalmwineTapper

    June 16, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    Omg, when we remember that he isn’t the last one standing, it’s easier to chop
    them off!
    I’ve experienced the feeling where you think ”he isn’t too bad now”… Wrong!
    NEVER settle for less. I learned that early, thank GOD! Until you feel you deserve
    a great partner BECAUSE you’ve invested well in yourself to call yourself great, then
    it’ll be VERY easy to chop him off!

    No need to be a messiah to an adult who has full control of his actions. You’re not
    God, neither are you his mother. Quit trying to save him!

  8. Delicious

    June 16, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    Totally agree with u, we spend too much time wasting away, hoping, dreaming, struggling and most importantly deceiving ourselves dat it’ll change, n we can’t get better or have spent ..years together how do we start all over again and still notin good comes out of it. I agree”Chop ém off”dats d way to go!!!!

  9. jk

    June 16, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    U are just like some1 cooking with firewood who kept removing them one after d other saying dy re bad..How re u gonna get d food done.I think u re d problem cos u re a perfectionist!

  10. Jade82

    June 16, 2010 at 9:57 pm

    Love this article….
    Very true…there are some guys u meet and can just have them as friends
    knowing it’s not going anywhere. There are some u just have to cutoff
    like say u want use SHARP KNIFE…lmao!
    It’s better that way than to waste ur time and emotion on someone that
    might not have ur best interest at heart….
    I have come across such men before; i know the best thing is to cut them
    off. No need to waste free air-time mins on my fone to reason with an ASS-HOLE!

  11. B

    June 16, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    Chop! Chop! Chop! if he cannot keep up he has to go!! The one for you will not hold you back or give you reason to constantly doubt his character… Chop! Chop! Chop! Let ladies be ladies and boys be boys.

  12. bukky

    June 16, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    lmao…i like the way you end the sentences with i chopped him off…in my head i see a girl with a cutlass chopping a guy off!!LOL…off to finish the article

  13. bukky

    June 16, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    but i think sometimes, we should be patient and think deeply before chopping em off o.Nobody is perfect(as you rightly said) and we cant keep chopping o!We must be willing to compromise on some things sa.

  14. babylawyer

    June 16, 2010 at 10:39 pm

    Hear! Hear!

  15. deedoubleU

    June 16, 2010 at 10:41 pm

    Chop the dude off! finito…. Sometimes its easier said than done…. But they are true words… for those that know what they really want… Time wasters need to be chopped off asap, or they will start making you their throw pillow… .. ” Chop that murrasucka off!

  16. all in the mind

    June 16, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    Abeg my dear as u dey chop off dey go, no come chop off mr right by mistake o.

  17. tee

    June 16, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    i totally love…. priceless!!!

  18. Pipiiiihooray!

    June 16, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    Hahahaha!! A girl after my own heart….ride on biko!

  19. Molicious

    June 16, 2010 at 11:18 pm

    [email protected] some comments, the girl said they were not for her, how did you know she didn’t compromise and we don’t know how much time she spent with them before she chopped them off, lol (I love it!) so free the babe. Me, I support you jare, chop him off! We all know ourselves and how much crap we’re willing to take from a guy so make your judgement based on who you are. All our sister is saying is if you see a glaring red flag, run and if you choose to compromise, be patient and stay, don’t come and start writing about your wahala to aunty bella tomorrow, (on the other hand, pls write, I like to comment) lol. But on the real, how many dudes are patient and compromise (I said how many, I didn’t say there weren’t any before you start shouting) but to each man his own sha, do what works for you.

  20. ij

    June 16, 2010 at 11:23 pm

    well said o jare , chop him off before he chops u off, keep chopping till u
    find the right one made just for u, i personally know a lot of
    people who r in their own manmade hell all in the name of patience, hope and
    compromise.

  21. Komster

    June 17, 2010 at 2:26 am

    Love, Love, Love this article!!!
    I refuse to settle for less!

  22. LeighJoy

    June 17, 2010 at 4:41 am

    it’s hard– i am happy my mother always reminds me when to cut them off!!! it’s sad when i do it but when i do i am EVER GRATEFUL!

  23. lola

    June 17, 2010 at 8:50 am

    really good piece

  24. Eno

    June 17, 2010 at 9:29 am

    Thanks, Ejire, for making me really laugh out loud.

  25. Autoprincess

    June 17, 2010 at 10:12 am

    If you are unwilling to compromise or settle, then you may never settle down. Simple!!!!!
    Good luck with finding the “purfect man”…if he ever exists.lollll

  26. kole

    June 17, 2010 at 10:29 am

    I really had a good laugh, u r not a perfectionist but a realist, there are some fundamental traits that we should never compromise, though you don’t need to chop them off all the time, you could still keep them at arms length, women are always afraid to be alone but in the long run you might end up been alone.

  27. Tinu

    June 17, 2010 at 11:09 am

    Love love love….i know a babe for this lagos and even her mother in-law jokingly asked, (before wedding and all) “are you sure you are ready to live with my son? Chic was like yes sure…all jsut cos she wants to get married and be featured on Bella Naija (honey nothing against you o, you do a darn good job doing your stuff and you keep us coming back) the chic was like yes ma, i am ready…needless to say few months after the wedding, the guy is already back on the streets, chasing 23 yr olds…yeah, so some of these chics no dey hear jare. all the signs are there, yet they ignore

  28. bumble bee

    June 17, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    I loooovvvvvvveeeee this article. and I am so into the chopping off thing. A wise person once said that and i quote ” there are so many mediocre things in life and love should not be one of them”

  29. Bukky

    June 17, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Dey chop dey go!!! Carry on, my sister. Nothing do you!!!

  30. Dele

    June 17, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    I believe it’s a good philosophy, so long as you do not get intimate with each and everyone of them, as you may likely lose your dignity and your precious name will be so tarnished that it will be virtually impossible for the right one to be the right one in the long run.

    The truth however still remain you can’t go into a relationship with the aim of changing every thing you dislike about that person, change is good however it must come from you first and then the other party will pick up on it.

    We have all come from different backgrounds and where there is true Love all things can work out for the better.

    On a final note, in exceptional cases when you spot a very doggy character in your partner, I mean like the tendency to be violent , by all means head for the Hill, as that is defiantly a no go area.

  31. Gezani

    June 17, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Men will soon be replaced by vibrators. Women are getting tired of the disappoitments and expectations which are never met. In future there will be more women chosing to be single. Vibrator can never disappoint you.

  32. Anwuli

    June 17, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    hey, read ur article and i must say, not only was it hilarious but it was the darn truth, found myself goin “you go girl” you are absolutely right, it takes a lot of maturity to just say you know what “this is not for me” i find that the more you try to “fix it” the worse it gets…. i once dated a man who was terrible at kissing, now i’m a kisser, i knew that i would never be able to be with him, i found myself in a dilenma, should i or should i not, finally i knew that there was no amount of teaching that would “fix him” i did like you said chopped him off and then couple of months down the line, he made it abusiness of finding me on facebook and going “oh hi, i’m married now, it could have been you”, and i was like thank god it wasnt me… then again, to each his own, if i had stayed in that relationship, i know me, i would e ventually have cheated on his behind… anyways, i loved this article. Ladies take note!!!!

  33. TrueTalk

    June 17, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Ol’ girl! You go old o! Be careful or u might end up as an old maid cos you
    appear to be a perfectionist. Remember, no one’s perfect not even YOU!
    maybe you should go chop chop chop yourself off too! lol!

  34. Sav

    June 17, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    lolll… Lmao!
    Well said…. Love this article!
    Life is as simple or as complicated as you make it.
    Me… I choose no drama, no wahala… So chop them off!!!

  35. Biblo

    June 17, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    U rock gurl! Tnx 4 dz candid piece. I’m totally into the ‘choppin ‘em off’ ideology. Like sum1 said, thr r so mani mediocre things in life, love shldn’t b one of dem. The era of ‘managin’ & ‘he mite change’ r so ovr. It’s time 2 shine our eyes and take a bow wen we shld, no matter how painful it is or how lonely u’l b. The right guy, evn if nt perfect not only will cum along, but meet d important & necessary criteria.

    So Ladies, Wot say u? We kip cutting ‘em of shey…

    And if u dn’t cut dem off wen u shld, dey’l cut u off cuz of ur incessant criticisms/corrections (called naggin). Dn’t also let ur gurlfrnds deceive u into ‘seein hw it goes.’ It ain’t goin nowhr!

  36. ForeverYoung

    June 17, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    Keep chopping them off oo…by the time u turn 40, none will remain for u to chop off..then u can galantly retire ur chopping knife…..

  37. Komster

    June 17, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    for those who keep saying that she’ll be old and single….my question is: so damn what??!! Dating, Marriage, etc. is a personal choice! Choose happiness!!!
    Like I said before, refuse to settle for less! I know nobody is perfect including me, but there are just some stuff one CANNOT and MUST NOT compromise on.
    I’d rather choose being single and fulfilled and happy a millions times over married and miserable.

  38. TK1

    June 17, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    I totally agree with chopping guys of when they dont fit. What irritates you today in a man will drive you totally bonkers in a few years.
    Please chop of where necessary, nobody is perfect. What you can manage,manage.
    There is always someone out there better waiting for you.
    Living proof.

  39. AMEBO

    June 17, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    sisters open ur eyes oooohh…. DO NOT BE A FOOL FOR LOVE…. if da guy
    ain’t into you…CHOP HIM OFF B4 HE ‘DICES’ UR LITTLE HEART
    …. if you need COMPANIONSHIP get a VIBRATOR…. its not expensive…
    it would never DISAPPOINT U… its STD FREE, PROVIDES MAXIMUM SATISIFACTION,
    NO Heart breaks and sleepness NIGHTS….

  40. Molicious

    June 17, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    God Bless you Komster…”When you know what you want, it’s easy to walk away from what you don’t”

  41. chisom

    June 18, 2010 at 8:33 am

    This is so funny cos this was the same topic my friends and I were discussing. Life is too short to waste on a person that doesn’t even want to change (for the better) and why on earth should I be subjected to settle for less? I deserve the best, you deserve the best. I agree that it is not an easy thing to do but once you do it….omg…you will literally feel the weight lifted off you. I really love this article cos its the truth and it applies to both guys and girls.

  42. Ijé

    June 18, 2010 at 8:38 am

    preach on sister!

  43. notaplayahater

    June 18, 2010 at 10:53 am

    ive been married now for 6 months, after dating my hubby for a year. before then there was a break of two years; before which we had dated for 6 years plus. odd, huh? well, i had ‘chopped him off” after those six years cos i could see we weren’t moving forward, and we were both not mature enuff for a marriage(he was my first serious r/ship). i spent those two years exploring other r/ships that were fun, but kinda lacked certain stuff, so i chopped ’em off! Now, i’m back with hubby., and we’re stronger than ever. i think the break helped us mature in a lot of ways, and appreciate what we had and could still have…. so i’m all for the chopping block. if it aint working…. get rid of it!!! better alone, than married AND lonely!!!

  44. Mary

    June 18, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    I am married and chopping off is so right or you end up married then divorced! when you are honest with yourself as an imperfect person you know what you can cope with, if a man talks too much and you cant stand that do not i repeat compromise na you go lose- I chopped off and now I can proudly say any where I married my own!

  45. Dee

    June 18, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    Nice one girl, why should we have to settle for less?

  46. otilopoju

    June 19, 2010 at 5:42 am

    I agree that there are some major flaws that should make you chop a
    person off..but we should also major on the major and minor on the minor.Dont chop someone of for some little and stupid irrelevant reason….but anyway at the end of the day it is the person that is wearing the shoe that knows where it is pinching-abi?Like everything in life, chopping off should be done in moderation.Lets not get stuck looking for flaws.

  47. marietta

    June 21, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    totally agree with you sister!! i was so like that, last year, my first boyfriend was the only guy who i though i was compatible with, he was a 9-5 guy, took care of me and vice versa, was handsome and evn did the dishes every now and then but then had to come back to naija and all of a sudden the men here were just too not my type at all but i felt i had no choice and i needed to ‘manage’, so every time i’d settle with guys who were either broke-ass, violent, crazy, broke-ass and… did i mention violent? in one case Nigga was both violent and broke lived off his dad and my money!! @$$!! anyhoo, i’m finally in a relationship with someone who’s man enough for me and who i feel like i’m woman enough for him… keep loing ‘the one’ is out there and u don’t need to be chained to anyone till he comes around:)… love the article.

  48. omotoke

    June 21, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    easy ladies, lets not ‘ova chop’ and chop off the right one. sometimes, we need to be patient. remember that men are like grown babies and sometimes, they need to be lectured about somethings and besides,how many men do u want to kip chopping b4 u find the rite one, except u can date dem witout getting intimate.

  49. omotoke

    June 21, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    i cant find my earlier post. i agree wit chopping but pls lets be very sure b4 we chop so as not to chop the off the right person. do u also chop off a man that loves u dearly but u dont love him bak. i rili hope i can get responses on my question cos im in a relationship wit the nicest man on earth, who wants to marry him but im not sure of my feelings for him. i wish i cld love him back cos he’s a husband material. should i go into it and hope to love him back or chop him off. pls ladies i nid ur help

  50. Genevieve

    June 21, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    @ toke, it all depends on what you want. i support the idea of chopping off a guy u knw u cant stand his attitude, cos u cant try to change an adult. i’ve personally tried two guys and trust me, its rily a waste of time. but u shuld also be sure not to chop off the right guy. The guy loves you, find out the reasons why you cant love him, and if the reasons are trivial continue your r/ship, but if not chop him off. but remember that its better for a guy to love u more than u love him, when u find d guy u will be head over heels for, he might not be for u.

  51. lola

    June 21, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Am so tired of ignorant people saying oh she wud remain Old and single!!!!!!!!!
    Is one to stick with a loser simply because it is the norm!
    Girls… Please let’s stop settling for less.
    TO EVERY MAN THERE IS A WOMAN.
    DO NOT ALLOW THESE IGNORANT PEOPLE FOOL YOU…
    I am all for the chopping board…
    Am getting get married in December n this principle worked for me dear friends

  52. Fine Babe

    June 21, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    Chop em off jare. Don’t let a loser make you jaded for Mr. Right!

  53. dolly

    June 21, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    i agree with the “chopping ” many people go into marriages and think they can change the man when they are married big lie men dont change unless they really want to and that is why there is a lot of troubled marriages today also because people say u are going to be lonely for the rest of ur life but i think i would rather be single at 40 than miserable at 40.

  54. LONSCO

    June 22, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    i LOVE this piece. i wish i had this much insight when i was on the dating scene. it would have saved me from a trailer load of heartbreak and freed me to do other valuable things. Shakspeare’s Hamlet says ” to thine own self be true”. if women can be honest with themselves and do the needful, they’ll save themselves and their children from unecessary heartache! Woman, you know deep within your heart the man aight right for you, you know you’re compromising, you know he’s a waiting timebomb but you’re too scared to be single at 30 something so you settle……..you’d live with that sorry excuse for a man for the rest of your days! it’s better to kick him to the curb, pick yourself up and know that the Good Lord will bring you THE ONE!
    Ejire, thanks for a wondeful piece.

  55. Ille

    June 24, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    Yes off with their heads..lol ..Pardon me, chop them off!

  56. DaBreeze

    June 28, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    True talk. There are certain things I know I can NEVER live with, and there are lesser things I can compromise on. There are too many unhappy marriages/relationships out there hiding behind “happy” facades.

  57. TrueTalk

    July 8, 2010 at 10:50 am

    @DaBreeze: I quite agree with your point. But you’ll also have to agree with me
    that its kinda unrealistic or rare for a woman to find the 100% qualities
    she wants in a man. So she should be smart enough to decide for herself
    the qualities she absolutely must have (realistic ones!) and the ones
    she can live without! If we all sit around waiting for perfection while
    chopping off the prospects especially those that have potential for improvement
    there’ll be lots of blood on our hands.

  58. uchechi

    July 25, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    Certainly, sometimes we have to make decisions that will favour us at the end. No one is perfect, but as individuals there are certain things we can tolerate and when we cant..chop them off sharply..gashi ike biko!

  59. ronnke

    July 30, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    my own case:

    met this nice guy, found out l8r from him that he’s in a failed but not ended marriage…
    i like him a lot but when i found out i called it quits…
    the wifey wants out of the marriage and so does he, his mum, sisters and best friends all begged me to stay wit him cos hes abt to got a divorce. i did
    i came home and my ppl are mad abt my decision…my mum hates him….she doesnt trust him at all…she hasnt met him but thinks hes not good enough for me…
    hes cute and caring but not rich, he’s grammer isnt hot, and the marriage thing is an issue with her

    i was raised to love the better things of life and he does try to make me happy…
    im a bit confused and i know that endin it would shatter him….he loves me tooo much
    now, he’s doing all to get the divorce asap and im scared.
    he also told me that wifey isnt too happy now abt the divorce but he’s goin ahead wit it.
    wot do i do?

  60. Catwoman

    August 13, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    @ronnke – chop ’em off!

  61. Tiki

    December 9, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    Ejire, you are a girl after my own heart! Ladies, we need to remember that no matter how good a relationship is in the beginning, its hard to revive when things start going south. So, rather than stay there and make two (or more people, eg kids and family members) unhappy, just call it quits, thank God for the lovely times you shared, and go separate ways before you really hurt each other.
    And for the real skanks (eg dead-beats, lazya** m***f****s, girlbashers) don’t bother with the niceties, just…you know…chop ’em off!

  62. encee

    February 7, 2011 at 9:18 am

    not to sound harsh but u dont sound realistic, this man was this and that one was this yet the other one was this, yet u say ur not looking for a perfect man,get real dear..

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