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Kilon Sparkles!

Chances are if you live in Lagos, you’ll either know of a friend whom is engaged, getting married or married. In fact, chances are all your peeps are rolling double. Eating from each other’s plates at dinner whilst you sit across them cringing at the very thought of someone daring to extend their fork onto yours (err…perhaps that’s just me)

Most likely, these newlyweds & ‘about-to-be-weds’ are expecting a child. A major piece of news which increasingly happens to be announced on social networking sites as opposed to the good ‘ole face-to-face conversation. Anyway, during a conversation with possibly the happiest pregnant ‘husband’ (I’m no longer sure who is actually carrying the baby) – I asked my friend if he had thought of baby names.

This usually is a trick question, so if I ask you in future, think carefully before you answer. I know it’s your child and you can call it “The Forbes List” for all I care, perhaps, after a dead aunt, or grandparents or Hollywood’s favourite after the city of “conception”.

Which I personally find hilarious because these people fly 10 cities in 2 days, how the hell will you know exactly where you scored the winning goal? I mean, it is all too convenient to name the baby after the city with the prettiest name like London, Paris, or Brooklyn, how come no celebrity has named their child Cambodia or Merseyside?

Some Nigerians are starting to jump on that bandwagon, last year; I remember someone’s FB status commenting on their Nigerian neighbours who had named their new born “Chelsea”! I know what you’re thinking; I was thinking the same especially when I found out the couple lived in East London.

But I guess you can’t blame a delusional couple, after all this is a nation full of “Victorious”, “Lucky”, “Success”, “Independent”, “Precious” – “Monday” all the way to “Sunday” – I’m still waiting to meet someone called “Weekend”.

Back to my conversation, I noticed the baby names talk became cagier and cagier as we dived deeper into the world of names. It just so happens that I was getting my daily dose of TSN’s critically acclaimed show “Dallas Divas & Daughters” where a token black family consists of a mother “Chanel” and her daughter “Kenya”. This further triggered my curiosity, so I ask.

In a nation full of adventurously random names, why hasn’t anybody named their child “NIGERIA”?

After all, most likely 70% of the population were conceived with no light, a burst Gold Circle and mosquitoes doing their own sucking; stop fooling yourself you weren’t conceived in V.I. you moved there when you were 10.

Now, the question is who will set the example and name their child after our great nation? In fact, I think Nollywood stars should start the trend, by 2030; we should have a major home-video star with a name like ‘Nigeria Akpan’. O ma famous gan!

This week’s Friday Track is “Gyal mi wann fi hold yuh, Put mi arms right around yuh, Gyal you give me the tightest hold me eva get inna my life…”. Enjoy Gyptian and the massive club-smash “Hold Yuh”. Click here to Listen


If you’re free tonight, come to the informal introduction of ABC – The exquisite Atlantic Beach Center – 1400b, Tiamiyu Savage Street. Ms. Folake Ekundayo is the new manager and the most fabulous hostess. She promises your drinks bill won’t sober you up!


  1. brooks

    June 11, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    nice.yipeee.1st to comment

  2. seun

    June 11, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    v got a naija frnd dt goes by d name paris.i mean wth!!nawa 4 names sha

  3. WLB

    June 11, 2010 at 2:44 pm


  4. miss b

    June 11, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    i have always said i will name my child surulere!

  5. Renaissance Man

    June 11, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    A friend just told me her colleague is called “ThyWillBeDone”

    I think that pretty much beats every other name in the universe.

  6. Me

    June 11, 2010 at 4:13 pm


  7. Bigzgelz

    June 11, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    NO! what about an ibo name called Tupusiemjehova…there

  8. Iya2

    June 11, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    i look forward to Fridays becuz of u …. “Weekend”?? OMG
    You are hilarious

  9. miss bonnie

    June 11, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    lol..reminds me of some names I heard .. mixed blessings, I am blessed, laughter . it would have been much better if only their parents had given them names with those meanings in their native language

  10. Peperempe

    June 11, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    Met someone names Wonders and i thought i had seen it all till 2 days ago when i met a man called ‘Lovity’. I silently cussed out his parents on his behalf.

  11. Gam

    June 11, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    Very funny, cause i and my mates were just talking of this some hours ago.

  12. Omo urhobo

    June 11, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    Ive always wanted to name my child Nigeria but the Mr says an EMPHATIC NO..there goes my dreams 🙁

  13. Me

    June 12, 2010 at 12:23 am

    I actually know someone named Nigeria and no she’s not Nigerian.

  14. Olivia M.

    June 12, 2010 at 1:16 am

    Very funny…

  15. Ijé

    June 12, 2010 at 3:09 am

    love this songgggg

  16. beezy

    June 12, 2010 at 7:22 am

    When I saw the title of this week’s friday track:Ges2geda… I was expecting a Jennifer/Suliat type analogy that wld keep me on the floor…. but i’m seeing baby names. baby name:Ges2geda?…wats d correlation?..just wondering…. stil a nyc read though….

  17. lola

    June 12, 2010 at 10:51 am

    ROTFLMAO @ stop fooling yourself you weren’t conceived in V.I. you moved there when you were 10.

  18. Myne Whitman

    June 13, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    Nice read, not as funny as usual. Hope your weekend is going great?

  19. vickky

    June 15, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    LMAO. What about nigerian names like Utchay?

    I also heard of a Thywillbedone B, son of Mr B, my teacher in secondary school many years back. Could be the same chap that renaissance man is talking about.

    What of a chap called Vampirious who works in a blood bank!?

    Im still giggling at “mosquitos doing their own sucking”

    funny funny article.

  20. xi

    July 5, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Weirdest name I ever came across was this kid. Ask him his name, and he begins to recite “TheLordShallProvideMoreAndBeyondMyExpectations”. The short form of his name is “MoreBeyond”. Omo, I just tire. Some parents should be flogged.

  21. eran iya

    July 18, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    I was in court one day, goin thru d cause list for d day I saw Mr Hypolite (igbo surname), it took all I had not to burst out laffing

  22. Peperempe

    July 24, 2010 at 11:26 am

    What of a guy in my ss1 class that was called Hallelujah and his surname was ThankGod!

  23. Janet

    July 24, 2010 at 1:33 pm

    Actually I do know an African-American called NIGERIA whom I met in New York. I guess their parents were big time Afrocentrists in the 60s and 70s and named their child Nigeria. I also know a Sierra Leone. So, the Americans have beat us to it…….

  24. Nigeria

    November 6, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    my name is Nigeria and am proud of it… except that i get insulted in sch, if u like u can name ur child after me…
    follow my blog-

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