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It’s often difficult admitting that life can be a bit lonely sometimes. It’s all going great, career, side hustle, finance, and the prospects of living the life you always wanted.

In two or three years, you will be leaving your job to run your own business. You are only there for the contacts and the experience and most of all to formalise yourself with how things work here.

It’s even more difficult admitting that you are sticking with him because you are scared of ending up all by yourself. So you make excuses for him. Even excuses that he couldn’t cook up given he already has a great deal of expertise in the subject already. He naturally isn’t a romantic, or he doesn’t know how to be in a relationship.

Well that’s what he tells you.

Or he is used to having his own space and less we forget the favourite of them all, he doesn’t know how to trust anyone. So there you are spending your days proving to be trustworthy, giving him ample space and time, he calls the shots, again to prove that being with you isn’t that difficult and with you it should be nothing other than a blissful journey.

A voyage of immaculate and telekinetic unearthing. A kind of post modern romance you tell yourself. You both care for each other dearly but still you have separate lives.

You are a modern woman you say, you have a strong sense of self so you can joyfully be united in separation. He will appreciate you more. Apparently that is the thesis. You have beauty and brains with lots of ambition too. You’re articulate and sociable. You are cultured, well that’s important. You know your Shiraz from your Cabernet Sauvigion and you know your Sirloin from your Rump. You are home grown and international like a very muddled up a la carte menu.

Remember how many times you and the other girls hung around the round table dissecting and chastising Chika for sticking around. Aggressively, lampooning her for allowing herself be treated like a doormat and modern slave. She cooks for him and waits on him and he sleeps around. She accepts it though. She has even come to some kind of diplomatic resolution with his Unilag floozy.

It’s cool she says, “as long as he comes back home to me”. At the end of the day he knows what he has here. It reminds you of a former stripper turned a hip-hop wife.

It’s down to their insecurity you yell, because you happen to have had a quickie emancipation tutorial in the free world. Your foreign degree has bought you a ticket into social mobility. So you are different from them, incapable of falling prey to this culture of degradation.

But you can’t come to tell yourself you can’t do this anymore. You can’t admit you are scared. You can’t deal with the questions of what went wrong afterwards. It’s best to deal with the devil you know, that’s what it says in the books, ahh yes there is the other one, “no one is perfect” too.

So you start to redefine things. Maybe you have been modeling your situation based on other people’s ideals, maybe your utopic delusion has come to its ends width, maybe your case is just different, maybe you have it good and you don’t realise. Just maybe you have to tell yourself the truth. You are a woman, with breasts, ovaries and a heart. It’s already broken to pieces and you want to feel again.


  1. Marian

    July 15, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    Trying to make sense of this article…..

  2. toh badd

    July 15, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    SO TRUE… for alot of ladies these days..:(
    1st to comment..yayy!

  3. Lizzy

    July 15, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    This article defines my life right now. You had me and my relatioship described to a T. The only difference is i recently left the relationship after i had hard evidence that the guy i was accepting for his shortcomings was cheating on me with numerous women. This was the last straw for me.I learnt the hard way that a relationship is all about give and take, you can’t and shouldn’t settle for someone who isnt putting in as much as you are. Every relationship is different, but the one thing every GOOD relationship should have is mutual love and respect. Yes when you leave you may be lonely even if you are surrounded by numerous friends and family. However, i have learnt to take one step at a time and pray to God to provide me with a man that will give as much as i do, if not more.

  4. Ibo Omoge

    July 15, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    LOL @ Marian. I understand you cos it took me a while to figure out what the author’s point was. I get the jist though…I think…The article could have been more cohesive.

  5. beezy

    July 15, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    Does Bellanaija post articles about anything else??….
    Its always one muddled version of man/boy trouble to the next…
    Women have other problems too… like work/career stuff, even little things like how to organise and compartmentalize our lives……
    post articles about how to care for our babies (for the mothers)
    Give advice about how to handle our finances…
    This website is for the 21stC woman…. and we all know that woman’s life does not revolve around men & rships…..
    #ok rant over…


      July 15, 2010 at 6:33 pm

      We totally understand your point! Majority of our article submissions tend to be relationship focused. We are open to a wider spectrum. If you are interested in submitting – features @

  6. Pinky

    July 15, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    @ beezy… well said…
    Too tired of hearing all this relationship drama ish… Women will always do
    what we want to do…

  7. Labalaba

    July 15, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    hummmmm……. this got me thinking.

  8. DUDU

    July 15, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    @ Beezy there are openings for writers from time to time. Do apply and write
    on a few of your preffered topics instead of criticising other people’s articles.
    Bella please i love, love, love the r/ship articles. Do keep them coming
    NB The lol ……………didn’t work at all

  9. Ada

    July 15, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    @beezy you are right…will also be nice to see articles on other issues surrounding our everyday lives some of which you pointed out already..
    That being said,bellanaija rocks!

  10. omo tee

    July 15, 2010 at 6:55 pm


    this is why I love bella naija

    something real,something fun,something interesting

    but i am tired of this relationship gist,could almost choke on it.


  11. beezy

    July 15, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    @DUDU…. criticize? which part of my post criticized the article?
    I was simpy saying the theme of most articles here is always men/rship
    and women today are dealing with much more than than just men/rships
    As such, it would be nice to read about other pressing issues too(i gave egs)……
    But I understand… english can be hard sometimes…so go back and read again…

    @…. sure thing, now that we know u’r considering other articles,
    I’l be on it…soon… tnx for acknowledging my comment.

  12. Moo

    July 15, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    Thot provoking

  13. nelly

    July 15, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    @brezzy you’ve made your point but you can be the 1st to start with a nice articles on
    other issues….
    I’m enjoying what i get here.

    Bellanaija is da bomb

  14. DUDU

    July 15, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    Nelly my sentiments exactly. Critics only know the way, they can’t drive the car.
    We look forward to reading your “21st Century woman” articles beezy

  15. Loli

    July 15, 2010 at 11:11 pm

    interesting piece…but there’s something to be said for clarity. Too much modern phonetic
    jargon; I was expecting something more in depth about the topic, but it falls short. I was
    actually more confused–I don’t get it!

  16. jessy

    July 15, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    @ beezy dis article is based on relationship is it dat u didn’t notice it at all………it is under relationship, u can go back 2 d home page. ha! but dis article is like i keep on readin almost d same thing….pls get a real story abt relationships ……….dis article was just blank

  17. friendofzara

    July 16, 2010 at 2:30 am

    its official. nigerians online r nuts! is suggestion d same as critique?! sigh.

  18. beezy

    July 16, 2010 at 5:18 am

    @ friendofzara….. I’m just as confused!!..*double sigh*

  19. Moji

    July 16, 2010 at 5:38 am

    well thought article, comprising of views from different stages of life experiences…….
    i appreciate the writers view of expectations as a young adult and woman. It strikes me as a brief synopsis of views of a young lady blossoming into womanhood and the expectations set by society and self.

  20. Qees

    July 16, 2010 at 7:20 am

    Please free this article nkt, i know it got alot of you thinking, dont take out your angry on the article, author or ooooo….
    Atleast some people are not ashamed to share their write ups. I have been begging my brother for months to write for this site..

    @ Friendsof Zara, u can say that again….

  21. Bridget

    July 16, 2010 at 8:23 am

    well done bellanaija writers but other spheres of life should be inclusive to make it interesting, relationships are important, it should be noted that different people browsethis site…

  22. Funmi

    July 16, 2010 at 10:16 am

    For real, this is so TRUE. this was me!!!

  23. Ncyluv

    July 16, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    Wana you have done it again, nice write up.

  24. hy

    July 17, 2010 at 8:49 am

    y do people like jumping into conclusion??

  25. Moi

    July 23, 2010 at 10:26 am

    LOL @ all the comments
    @ wana – you must be a soul sista. this is the kind of musings i get, no offense, but lesser mortals (:D) cant understand this flow! I loved reading, read it about 4 times before I could comment. It felt so alive… so real, like I could have been the one thinking… But this is not my story sha… mine is more… colorful!

    And yes, bellaniaja rocks!

  26. rezoan

    December 29, 2010 at 7:46 am

    nice picture

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