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The Maid of Honor from Hell



I recently shared my Maid of Honor woes with readers of my blog.

They probably just brushed it aside as my usual ranting, but in truth, I am right now almost drowning in the turbulent waters of Wedding-mania.

My best friend is getting married in less than a month. She made the somewhat unfortunate decision of appointing me as her Maid of Honor!!

I have to be the most incompetent Maid of Honor ever! As in seriously, I was late for the Introduction; and I’m not talking a few minutes late, but like 3 hours!!

As if that wasn’t enough, you wouldn’t believe the next major gaff I made: I FORGOT THE WEDDING DATE!!

Who forgets the date of her best friend’s wedding?!!

I couldn’t even placate her or myself with an excuse the moment she caught on to the fact that I’d forgotten. I knew the month of the wedding, but never actually took time to confirm the precise date, as I just imagined that once that month came, and then the wedding would come!!

So there I was planning a Bridal Shower for a date that was way ahead of the wedding, and carrying all other members of the Shower Group along with my false date.

What a shame on me!!

My friend has asked me more than once if she has not made a mistake by appointing me as her Maid of Honor. I get upset when she says that, but who am I to complain; if I was acting right and doing all that I was meant to be doing, she would have never had to question her decision.

It’s not like I just don’t give a rat’s ass or something about the fact that she’s getting married; I’m actually just really clueless as to what I’m meant to be doing as the Maid of Honor.

My 3-time experience in this coveted position has failed to qualify me with the necessary experience required. I have a horror story attached to each time I’ve been made the Maid.

The first time, I was too busy getting drunk and having a fabulous time at the wedding, that I wasn’t aware when some sharp guy or girl nicked the Bride’s phone!!

So as you can imagine, there was the Bride on her wedding day, phoneless, and her Maid of Honor was entirely clueless!!

The tragedy of that story was that the Sharp guy or girl didn’t steal my phone along with the Bride’s. Wouldn’t it have been better if mine was taken as well?!

Second Tari-Maid-of-Honor disaster was not during the wedding, but after!! Till this day, two years after the wedding, I haven’t seen the child of my friend whose Maid of Honor I was!!

And she lives in this same Naija with me.

Ok so you now get the picture of how pathetic I am in this endeavor. *sigh*

I’m writing this because I really want to do right this time. My friendship with the Bride-to-be may be on the line if I continue to act the fool like I’ve been doing; and it’s not a friendship I’m prepared to gamble with.

Or I might just be sacked from the position!! And I suspect one or two people of secretly clamoring for the position behind my back!!

I asked her to sit with me and give me a full job description, detailing everything she expects from me as her Maid of Honor. The sweetheart that she is, she simply laughed, reached out her hand to touch my cheek, and told me that all I really need to do is be there for her.

And I know I’m there for her, I’ve always been, so that’s not a problem!! I doubt that there is anything there is that I wouldn’t do for her right now…I love her that much.

Which is why I want to be the best Maid of Honor to her.

I’m ready to be her House girl and do anything she requires of me. I just don’t know where to begin or where to end.

So I’ve come asking for your HELP!!! I need tips on what is expected of a Maid of Honor and insight on how to blow her mind by being a Maid of Honor made in heaven!!

What would YOU expect from your Maid of Honor? Can you make me feel better about myself by sharing horror Maid of Honor stories with me?!


Tari’s blog is also follow TariEkiyor on Twitter

Tari Ekiyor is a Writer, Friend, Sister, Daughter, Servant, Leader, and most importantly, a Lover.


  1. jenny

    September 15, 2010 at 10:56 am

    dis is super story ok

  2. DU

    September 15, 2010 at 11:07 am

    Tari, u ve made my day.Thanks

  3. DaBreeze

    September 15, 2010 at 11:25 am

    First to comment (yayyy!!!). mine is not really a horror story, more of a funny one. I was in a supermarket when this babe (who I’ve never met) walks up to me and asks me to be her maid of honour! the wedding was taking place in the East and my flight and acccomodation and wedding clothes would be taken care of. She even introduced me to her fiance. When I aked her, Why me? She said her friends were all short and, as she’s tall, she needs a tall person. I declined but she persisted with lots of calls, even after the wedding! Eerie…

    • DUDU

      September 15, 2010 at 12:20 pm

      You’ve got to be kidding me. LWKMD

    • wunlove

      August 13, 2012 at 8:09 pm

      Better be prayerful. She cud be a mami water spirit! Not everyone has good intentions. After all, why would someone ask a complete stranger to become her bridesmaid and persist after you decline? creepy!

  4. sisi

    September 15, 2010 at 11:31 am

    just be your self and be dere for her but please put in ore effort and remeba d

  5. fokasibe

    September 15, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    I was never a mmaid of honour!!! My story is anothers…My friend, let’s call her Miss Kay was asked to be the maid of honour at her friends wedding and on the d day, she found out that the Mrs to be had asked another friend of hers before she asked her and the other friend who previously declined had agreed!!
    You dig? Save to say there were two girls dressed as MOH’s on the d day and no one would budge..Priest had to ask the Mrs to be to tell one of them to ‘step down’ and she asked my friend to…LOL…True story o!

    • Ogo

      September 15, 2010 at 1:05 pm

      r u serious???The Mrs is very cunning… sheis not a nice person at all !!!

    • fokasibe

      September 15, 2010 at 1:24 pm

      Not even kidding you!!!

    • Didi

      September 15, 2010 at 1:23 pm

      That’s just painful. Y didn’t d bride say something earlier?

    • Jade82

      September 16, 2010 at 6:45 pm

      Wow the bride is not bright…she could have played it off as someone that wanted to have 2 MOH’s. I was asked to be a bridesmaid, but my friend realized later the person she picked as MOH didn’t know much about her, being she and the chic met becos her hubby and the chic’s boy friend (now hubby) are best friends…..
      So she asked me to be the second MOH and explained to the other girl who ended up being a HUGE FLAKE at the wedding… imagine if she had to say a speech and all…..

  6. ijé

    September 15, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    @ Dabreeze. Lol, that wan na small thing. Have you ever heard of brides who want to ccordinate the complexions of their bridesmaids eg. Having all fair skinned or all dark skinned bridesmaids etc.

    • onthesubject

      September 16, 2010 at 12:34 pm

      LOL! u r making that up…r u for real?? things r really happening in naija oh

    • Geekgirl

      September 16, 2010 at 4:32 pm

      yup!!!!happens in Naija!!pple r so vain gosh

  7. CC

    September 15, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    Could it be that subconsciously you’re perhaps envious that they’re getting married (not necessarily that you’re not the one getting married, but perhaps that your friendship with the bride will have to change) which causes you to consciously act out as an inconsiderate friend during this important time in their lives? I don’t know o, just asking.

    • jcsgrl

      September 15, 2010 at 4:12 pm

      Thank you oh CC! I wanted to say the same thing.

    • onthesubject

      September 16, 2010 at 2:56 pm


      but really, some ppl need guidance as to exactly what they r needed to do…i was supposed to be my sister’s maid of honour but alas, on the day of the wedding it was one of her friends that stood behind her…i was relegated cos i didnt help much (if at all) with the plans…i was simply clueless and it didnt help that i can be very lazy when it comes to giving my time to assist others, family or no family…i am more of a listener than a doer, so i gladly listened to her rant about plans not coming together etc etc and offered advice but once i was delegated to do something, i went…it had nothing to do with jealousy or envy…if i ever get married, it’ll be a very small affair so I don’t like being under pressure n have never understood how ppl who plan big weddings do it and why they expect to suck others into sharing the burden of the planning…Me thinks its really down to personality at the end of the day…not everyone is cut out to be a glorified housegirl/PA, which is really what a maid-of-honour is.

  8. Molicious

    September 15, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    Lol @CC comments, possibly, it could also be that she’s just clueless, no offense Tari. Trust me; some people are just clueless, even the bride to be sometimes is clueless. What you don’t want is a clueless bride with pushy sisters, I should know. I’ve never been a maid of honor but I’ve been a planner and for me maid of honor is second in command. I would suggest you talk to her planner, they usually have a better idea of what’s going on, things that need to be done and decisions that need to be made. If she doesn’t have a planner, you and mothers and possibly aunties of the couple become the planners, go online sharply and look for a wedding planning checklist, meet with the various planners, preferably together (will save you a lot of back and forth, have an Advil because you will get a migraine) and figure what needs to be done and by who and you can just follow up from there. Your job is to make sure the bride is frantic about anything being done except the fact that her finances are going down the drain and even then, you reassure her it’s for a greater purpose, be her rational yet understanding right hand. It’s like a full time job you do on evening and weekends 🙂 Good luck!

  9. Uzo

    September 15, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    I have only been a maid of honor once and that experience led to the breakdown of a 2 decade + friendship.

    I think brides need to realize that some people (no matter how close you are to them) are really clueless – especially when you factor in cultural differences. Weddings are HUGE DEALS in, say, NIGERIA/INDIA and not such a big deal in say the US/UK (more people go to court and call it a day in the latter than in the former). Its also important that you consider your friend’s disposition and how it would vibe with your disposition (esp. during wedding mania) before you ask/choose who will be your MOH. If it won’t vibe with what you need then please ask someone else to be your MOH and have your personal person oversee other important things. If you two are really friends, I am 100% sure she will not mind (especially if you are honest in your communications with her).

    @ CC and Jcsgrl: Jealous is a possibility and therefore its cool that the bride might think that. Equally as important is that the bride own/acknowledge THE MOST IMPORTANT TIME IN HER LIFE does not equal HER FRIEND’S LIFE CEASES TO BE IMPORTANT . Your friend’s (and this is if you really believe she is your friend) life that is equal as important as your big day so don’t be extremely selfish . She might have a zillion and one things on her mind (hence the forgetfulness). Or she might be Jealous (hence the forgetfulness). Either way, it is always best to honestly discuss expectations – the expectations might not be met but at least its better than assuming.

    • Italian Princess

      August 13, 2012 at 8:53 pm

      God will bless you a million times over for this ” Equally as important is that the bride own/acknowledge THE MOST IMPORTANT TIME IN HER LIFE does not equal HER FRIEND’S LIFE CEASES TO BE IMPORTANT . “

  10. Bo

    September 15, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    Hey Tari….

    The internet is a wonderful place to start… It has information on just about anything and everything… I was my friends maid of honour and I had excel spreadsheets and diaries and my blackberry was full of all her important dates.

    The important thing is to be there for the bride. Even if you can’t be there for each of her dress fittings or her meetings with the caterer or decorators, check up on her… Find out how the meetings went. What they discussed, what conclusions they came up with and do take note of some of these things as you’ll need it on the day of the wedding.

    Constantly reassure her that this manic phase will all be over, call her once in a while to just talk about stuff not related to the wedding. Handle tasks that she’ll prefer not to, like telling one make-up artist you’ve decided to go with someone else… 😀

    Just be there for her and be the best friend you can be… Shower her with love and attention! Yes, she’ll get irritated and yes, she’ll grate on your nerves once in a while but it is “the most important day” of her life and everyone wants the fairytale wedding so bear with her.

    Smile, laugh, hug her and tell her you love her a lot, especially if you do! 🙂 She’ll call you once or twice to cry… Cry with her and cheer her up. Just be there to hold her hand, whether in person, via e-mail or over the phone. Once she knows you’re trying, she’ll love you for it and she’ll really appreciate you and that’s what true friendship is!

    Best of luck my darling! xxx

  11. Catwalq

    September 15, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    Go online to anyone of the wedding websites and you will find Maid-of-honor checklists that you can use.Or simply google the phrase and see what you cannot find.

    if that does not work, look for a bridal magazine, almost all that I have seen include a checklist for the bride. Use that as a baseline for what you can and cannot support her with and get cracking.

    This is a project. Manage it well so that when it is your turn, someone else will extend to you the same courtesy

  12. Tinu

    September 16, 2010 at 8:13 am

    • Pettyqueen

      October 6, 2010 at 4:26 pm

      Thanx for the info. Nice blog

  13. Hotchocolate

    September 16, 2010 at 8:32 am

    see how pple are saying go to the internet,say it as it is people that oyinbo template is different from ours o,considering culture and religion. please lets have ur best or worst MOH gists!

  14. temmie

    September 16, 2010 at 9:57 am

    sweets first i do ave to laugh, you are nuts. anywho its not that hard trust me i basically co-ordinated my elder sista’s wedding and ended up with no voice. get ur diary and first pencil in the date, from there work backwards, pencil in the bridal shower, the dress fitting, when and where she is aving her hair done, where is the bridal train getting ready, if at her pencil in the time the start getting ready, my dear u ave just become a general and you are running ur troops by fire by force. oh and get ready to be really pissed cos lotsa people are goin to get on ur last nerve but u will handle. most importantly tho make the bride feel really important, trust me if you do that every other thing u mess will fall into place. i shud know, i still get appreciated from both bride and groom and wot a good job i did. if only they really knew lol

  15. Aibee

    September 16, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Before the d-day
    BE THERE for the bride. You will more or less be her sounding board for ideas. Be there for her fittings, make up and hair tests (ensure she does this cos sometimes a hairstyle that looks good in a mag may just not suit her facial structure). Get the other brides maids to their fittings. You are the Chief brides maid (emphasis on maid) and so the responsibility falls on you. Get the numbers for her suppliers – flowers, decorators, make up artist etc- and call thep up often. At the engagement or traditional wedding, dance with her when she will be brought out (most cultures have this) smile and be happy for your friend because SOON, your own day will come.
    In addition to all the above, on the d-day,
    1. Get ready to have your hands scrapped at the reception. was MOH for a cousin and had to pick the naira & dollar notes as they were being sprayed on her. My hands were scrapped by shoes as I bent down to [pick some of the notes from the floor.
    2. Have breakfast before the church ceremony cos that might be all you’ll eat during the day till the reception is over.
    3. Have an endless supply of tissue, face wipes and a handkerchief handy for the groom. you’ll need to dab off sweat and shhen from the bride and its very likely the groom and his best man might loose their handkerchiefs while still sweating profusely.
    4. Please have somebody pack lunch for the couple to eat in the car while they are waiting to dance into the reception venue. Chances are they will be too excited to eat anything during the reception plus its hard to eat when people are traipsing all the way to the high table to congratulate you.
    5. Forget that whole theory of the MOH hooking up with the best man. I’ve been MOH five 5 times and never hooked up with a best man. Liked one friends best man but alas he had a significant other. Sob, sob, sniff, sniff, lol.
    FINALLY, try to have fun too. It may be hard so just try. If I remember any more tips, I’ll be back to post. Kiss, kiss.

  16. Bukky

    September 16, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    I was lucky, my younger sister was my maid of honour and was really available to help- even though she has a busy job (she didn’t let me boss her around tho), and was also very available on the wedding day. I on the other hand was a very useful maid of honour to my elder sister all the time before the wedding, and not quite as useful on the wedding day. She’ll probably remember my usefulness before and forgive my uselessness on the day 🙂

  17. Ore

    September 17, 2010 at 10:36 am

    There are loads of online resources, like many other posters have mentioned. Use them as guidelines and adapt as required:

  18. funmi

    September 17, 2010 at 10:43 am

    like she said just be there for me…….help out with the planning if possible be the wedding planner.make sure u help with gettin the wedding location,Booking for honey spot,the aso ebi, the wedding caterers, getting the IVS to expected guest and if possible putting some calls through as a reminder to them so they dont forget bout the wedding and you should help out with the shopping for the bridal dress, bridal train dress and most importantly you need to be there for her emotionally cos she might at a point experience the cold feet and she would need someone to assure her that she is making the right choice bout getting married now.once in a while take her out like a girls night out along side the girls on the train, surprise her with lunch dates u no something to take away the wedding tension and have sleep overs something she wud miss when she gets married..
    and finally on the wedding just be behind her holding her gown, with a big smile on ur face even if the heels u r wearing her kiiling u or the food is bad or watever………. and after the wedding just be normal and make sure you meet her first kid dat wud cover if u miss out meeting the other kids………

  19. Tari Ekiyor

    September 17, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    Thank you, thank you!!! You guys are the bestest..I’m definitely stepping up my game (already started)!!!!!

  20. Godlovesme4me

    September 21, 2010 at 4:53 am

    Hey Tari, I enjoyed really and laughed in between as well especially with your 1st MOH experience. Anyways guess enough advices and stories shared already, any more and you will probably go bonkas…lol.
    I’ve only been a MOH once and I’ll be one again in a couple months time and I’m looking forward to it. Thing is, I know it will be a lot of work as I’m younger than the bride-2-be but I’m very excited. I’m helping out as much as I can cos we not in the same location…I just hope she appreciates d help I’ve offered thus far. Whether you are a MOH or BM, its always best to enjoy the wedding day as much as one can…abeg only one life to live joh!! So Tari girl…be supportive and let her remember each day afterwards that…”Tari, was such a great MOH. I wouldnt have had anyone better”.

    Tho’ an horror experience would be the MOH that collected and gathered all the spraying money and vanished with every single penny. GBESEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

  21. girl

    September 22, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    I really don’t know why brides just make an unnecessary fuss. I got married three months ago and all the people i worked with in the run up to the wedding wished all brides could borrow a leaf from my book and just learn not to overstress on everything….what if the roses aren’t red? big deal get white roses, it doesnt stop you from exchanging your vows does it
    i was MOH for my cousin last year and boy was i her errand girl or what? she said it was my duty to carry her hand bag????????? at one point she was relaxing with her friends and sent for me to go to the bank……..with one look she knew to do away with that idea. If she was more polite im sure i would have obliged……

    i didn’t stress my MOH, i went to the caterers, florists decor etc all by myself, off course i would have loved to have someone with me but it just wasn’t convenient, big deal….but on the day she was there to make sure my make up stayed in place, or i didnt break out in a sweat . she did her best on the day and it was such a beautiful day. Even if she didnt, it wasnt going to stop me marrying my man!!!!

    Tari just be there for her, ask her what needs to be done , try to calm her nerves if any. And please for the brides to be, there’s really no need to be a bridezilla, your marriage is more important, all your energy should be chanelled towards making it work and not biting someone’s head off because she forgot your breath mints.!

  22. shantee

    September 22, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    I have been MOH/CBS*chief bride’s slave* (lol) countless times and will still be on the 2nd October 2010! I think it’s basically fun and one’s able to chit chat with the bride on her day.
    Although, I’d be retiring after this one in Oct (friends & family pressure….. sobs), I have enjoyed everyone of it. The anxiety; the silent prayers; the coded looks; et al….
    All you need be is YOURSELF & also being available to your friend the bride.
    Can’t still wrap my head round how you could forget your friend’s big day! Tari, that’s rough play o

  23. Pat Pat

    September 23, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    @ Shantee, so far ur comment is the best…. I know the feeling of The anxiety; the silent prayers; the coded looks et al..Thats really wat makes the whole thing exciting. A bride once made me cry so hard on her wedding day that I regretted ever having to travel so far of my location just to go get insulted that I had started growing hips and still slim,I shouldnt wear my shoes that I went with, my dress wouldnt fit so at the end of the day someelse did the job the day while I was set aside to be around incase I was needed. Imagine…That was my last, ever.Tari, u truly can’t entirely please the bride.

    • shantee

      September 23, 2010 at 4:04 pm

      Thanks Pat Pat….
      awwww….. so sorry about your experience. Don’t tell me you now have a MOH_phobia?? Jk…
      And truly, some brides can get under your skin and really wanna make you scream! lol

  24. brownsuga247

    September 24, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    Tari!! u r not alone on this, and from one guilty as hell MOH from hell to anoda, i’m really not in a position to go giving advice to u, but i can only share my story with u. Here it is……. I’v been MOH 3 times …scratch that, 2 times, (cos d very first one, i was replaced last minute by d brides sista @ d brides obvious annoyance!) for 2 very dear friends and both times i just walked into d wedding on the eve like a guest!!! **shamefaced** I’m a doctor and so i tend to get caught up in my work and it makes it crazy for me to run around all the time @ dress, hair and make up fittings! with them but that excuse didnt quite cut it. My 2nd invite @ MOH and my first official outing, i arrived into town on d eve of the wedding and jumped into getting my hair and nails done, and trying on my dress for the very first time. (had to get it altered first thing the next morning!) Needless to say i was made to pay for my “sins” by wearing this dress that was quite different from what was described to me over the telephone. It had this ridiculously large bow that trailed all the way down the front of the dress! I hated d hair, thot the dress made me look like sista Maria, but i just grinned and hoped d pictures would stay tucked in her album. Luckily for me, that was some time before the era of face book so the pictures didnt make it there! Earlier this year, my best friend since i was knee high was getting married. we had lots of time to plan d wedding cos it was postponed twice, but when it came around finally, i was caught up in so much “man trouble” dt i didnt have d strength or the presence of mind to step up to the plate and be there for her. i cant even begin to tell u all d many ways i messed up which wld hv given any self respecting bridezilla the legal rights to break out her claws but bless her dear heart, this friend of mine ended up being there for lil ‘ol meah! I half expected her to replace me as her MOH but she didnt. Once again, come the eve of the wedding and i pull my usual stunt..dash in for hair and dress fittings (this time i was lucky, cutest dress ever!! and the pictures made it to face book! :D) The D day breaks and i slipped into my sexy dress, stepped up to the plate, proudly going about my “duties” with a smile on my face and quite truly sharing a good time with my friend who never once mentioned my short comings. she’s a dear and i’m truly ashamed at the way i handled the whole thingy but someday, someway, i’l make it up to her… strangely enuf i’m still friends with all 3 ladies, they didnt hold any grudges, *whew* u however, still have the chance to make it right, ure on d right track so get to the stepping girl! lol! 🙂

  25. Mighty

    September 28, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Oh Oh…this could easily be me as im supposed to be MOH for my friend in dec. Forgot the date luckily got saved when i saw a copy of the save the date draft. I’m freaking out. I’m somebody who hates stress or being stressed so i have no idea how im gonna cope even though i wanna be there for my friend. It also doesnt help that we are in 2 different countries and i cant help wondering if i can do my duties effectively from over the atlantic.
    Oh and cap that with the fact that ive never been MOH or a bridesmaid before…shocking i know and im 26…oh well

  26. bee girl

    October 5, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Seun won’t mind you read all these links that have been shared here, so stop ranting, and go ahead and read your heads off, Tari

  27. OaM

    October 7, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    Whatever you do, PLEASE just make sure she looks good in all the photographs! Be sure to powder her nose, tuck in stray whisps of hair…. because after everything else is forgotten, the photos will be there for ages and even worse, all over facebook and BellaNaija!!!

  28. Neverbeenabridesmaid

    October 15, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    Interesting post however it’s just made me a little depressed that I have soooo many “close” friends some who are now married but NONE of them bothered to ask me to be a bridesmaid let alone a maid of honour. I dont know but perhaps we’re not as close as I thought we were…hmm.

  29. angelsbeauty

    November 11, 2010 at 12:37 am

    *sigh* i would be in tears if i were you friend.. ok i dont mean to sound dramatic. But at least you realise there is a problem. Well even me speaking other than bridal shower and organising the brides maids and helping her with making decisions and liasing with the wedding planner if any where necessary and making sure a week before the wedding you have a comprehensive list of what needs to be done and contact details of who needs to do those things… hope it helps. 🙂

  30. BB

    December 12, 2010 at 11:53 am

    OH dear; wat an i like the fact that u realy dont wanna toe that line again of being a poor/bad MOH.
    Have been a MOH 2wice, and a onetime MOH tho not in physicaly bt in action.I’d say that been a MOH cld be stressful too.You just need to be concerned, be the comited friend that u can be.As a MOH u need to be wit the Bride from the time she makes u kno u have chosen as her MOH.way be4 d D-day u girls plan together, and along d line u help her cross check the chek-list and make sure evrything is done right as the bride would desire.Then on the Dady, u just need to be like a maid more/less.U have to atend to evry need of hers.She is ur sole concern, and u also take charge of the Bridal train,u caution them by words wher necesary.Think that my own 2cents…

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