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Role Reversal: Women Take Charge!

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A few weeks ago, my cousin put up a status update on her facebook page. I can’t remember her exact words but it read something like this, “Today my pastor gave an example of a girl who had sex with a guy she had only been seeing for three weeks. He expressed shock at this, wondering what kind of girl would do something like that, but I’m thinking maybe she just wanted sex.”

As I read that status update, I couldn’t help but think it was rather blunt, but in a funny and ironic sort of way. The girl was just expressing a fact that most men (and some women) this side of 21st century Africa have not come to terms with yet: the fact that a woman can choose to have sex with whomever she wants to, however she wants to and whenever she wants to.

You see as a man, and an African man at that, the idea that we have is that women are to remain passive regarding affairs of sexual activity. Yes, I know that the women in the West have been liberated sexually for years but we aren’t in the West now, are we? The way it works around here is that a guy spots a woman that he finds attractive then toasts her. Whether or not he is really interested in going into a relationship with her or not, is moot when sex is involved because as we do know having sex and being in a relationship with that person we’re sleeping with is not always mutually inclusive. Now the truth is most guys wouldn’t mind if they can have all the sex they want without the added strings of a serious commitment. It is seen as a normal thing, right guys? But why do we find it difficult to grasp that the same can apply to women? Picture this, women behaving like men and sowing their wild oats about! Shudder! Shudder or not, this is something that has been going on surreptitiously for years in our society. While the guys reading this might be in denial, I know the women know what I’m talking about. Guys foolishly think that they hold all the cards when it comes to getting it on. For real mates, do you think that booty call, friends-with-benefits classmate, or neighbour or colleague is just sitting around twiddling her thumbs, waiting for you to cycle back to her? Yeah, perhaps if you are doing the job properly, and as often as she wants it; if not, dude, she’s getting it on with one or two other guys.

It is not the intention of this article to highlight the promiscuity of women o! Far from it. I only intend to bring to light the fact that women now make their own choices as regards sexual encounters and escapades. Allow me to illustrate. Once upon a time, many years ago when yours truly was just out of secondary school, and was at the University of House, there was this neighbour that would come and help about the house.

You see, I was the only one at home at the time and we did not have a house-help and so she volunteered/was co-opted by my mum to come clean the house, fetch water etc. Now I was still largely a very good boy then and it took me a while to notice how lovely looking this girl was. Never mind that she was exotic and was older than I was, the girl was what I have now learnt to describe as voluptuous. I’d wake up and walk to the kitchen where she would be doing one thing or the other and just scope her until she either noticed me or I broke the silence. We began to chat and I generally used to keep her company and make her laugh while she was doing her chores. Before long I started making moves, trying to get a kiss here and there etc. Her initial reaction was to discourage me but I was having none of it; I was bored out of my mind and it was rather exciting to seduce a woman. With time she’d kiss me back and all that but she never let things go beyond that, try as I may. This went on, on and off for about three months and I had already given up the idea of getting any when one Sunday evening (I was home alone of course) I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and there she was with a smile on her face. She asked if anyone else was home and she came in. However, I was not in the mood to get turned again so I invited her to sit while I went ahead to finish my movie. I offered her something to drink but she was not interested. Every now and again I’d look back at her and she would smile and give me a look. Then I noticed her sitting position and that sent a clear message that things were going to be different this time round. And they were! It baffled me for months after that as to why the day she chose to get down I didn’t have to psych, persuade, or trick her into it; she did it because she wanted to and not because of my seduction skills. Period.

Come on guys! Do you remember how in school you thought you were the bad guy, the one making all the moves, toasting, macking and seducing women left, right and centre? It might come as a shock to you but maybe you weren’t as bad as you think you were; maybe the women wanted it just as much as you did! It was very easy for us to think of the girls as passive creatures waiting to be blocked by us, and then toasted over a few weeks, then invited over to the our place and then due to our Art of Seduction skills, she yields to us. Wrong! Haven’t you figured it out yet that the occurrence of sex is all down to the woman? She chooses the time, the place and how often it occurs. Ask married men, they will tell you.

The issue of frequency depends on how good you are at it, because if it was not good for her, then you would probably never see her again (except she’s run out of options of course!). Dudes, didn’t you ever have that female friend who would just turn up at your place uninvited, or who would call you out of the blues knowing full well that eventually one of you was going to get invited over, even across state lines?! Hope you are getting the picture now? Yup, you were the booty call not her! (Note: if you were that good, over time you would not have to work so had to get her to come around or get invited over. You feel me?) Guys are highly predictable and girls have used this to their advantage for years, not bothering to correct the erroneous notion that men call the shots. Men need to realize that women are creatures of discretion. They cloak their sexual activeness behind a veil of discretion, which dresses them up as innocent damsels caught in the wily snares of debauched men.

Even in areas of sexual specifics, women dominate, they tell us what they want, how they want it and in our aim to please we obey them. The men that can’t get with the programme get moved over for more obedient and willing participants. Women have broken up with boyfriends, changed their minds about their life partners, cheated on their partners and even gotten divorced on account of this. I know too many examples. Women today have no patience for such sexual ineptitudes.

Thus, is the sexual revolution and liberation that has been going on behind the scenes for years. Women are in charge, whether they come off as passive or aggressive in such matters. It may come as a shock if you are a traditional African man. Guys, my advice to you is to get with the programme; it might be more of a benefit than a cultural anomaly at the end of the day.

Photo Credit: corbisimages.com

111 Comments

  1. brendz

    December 9, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    i concur!!!!

  2. Spot on

    December 9, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    OMG! you are spot on with this article. love it. I am a female in her 20s and I just laugh at guys who think they are calling the shots. The reason i get with any guy is because I want to. I once dated an older man who knew exactly what to do to me in bed and in turn, I grew to want that from him and only that! Why do guys find that hard to believe it. I was taken aback when he developed “feelings’ and all of a sudden, wanted to put me on display. No, Mr., think not. He was my under-G and i wanted no strings attached. Sadly, had to end it. Once again, I was calling the shots.
    Indeed, get with the programme, guys!

    • Aibee

      December 9, 2010 at 6:25 pm

      Word. Been there. Done that! And you are soooooooooooooo spot on.

  3. Naijamum

    December 9, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    mmm.
    Truth is women know what they want but they pretend that’s just an afterthought.
    Why? Because if they (especially African women) are too open about their needs they are viewed as ‘promiscous’
    Sad but true.
    Just the way it is

  4. evita

    December 9, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    Well done! I really enjoyed reading this article!
    😉

  5. YAYA

    December 9, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    GBAM

  6. Ytee

    December 9, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Nice one and so true! I wish the society let everyone be who they choose without attaching labels. Let the hot chicks that are interested be and let the innocentees be also. Stereotyping is one of our main social problems ans will continue to be for a long time to come except we all attempt to meet people without preconceived notions and accept that the world as we know it is on a permanent course of change.

  7. tonia

    December 9, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    lol got me smiling but, true we women call th shot,guys shld get that

  8. Ema

    December 9, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    interesting…

  9. lizzy

    December 9, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    ouch!!! this article is indicting on the women folk in many ways than one………….But it seems to be the sad truth.

  10. impressed

    December 9, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    i could not agree more! really hilarious read for me…and i must add really true. WE have always and will continue to call the shotz… 😉 ive got loads of examples…lol
    well written article

  11. iceboy

    December 9, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    this article is cool….

  12. ibb

    December 9, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    True,women can call the shots but the real truth is women are weaker mentally and can fall cheap to a determined man. E.g a prof.Lady falling for a ssce holder not because she wants him but because the guy has been able to prove some great skills of toastin

    • Sigh! @ IBB

      December 9, 2010 at 3:01 pm

      You, my dear, are clearly missing the point … it is not the ssce holder’s TOASTING SKILLS that she is falling for. He clearly must be VERY VERY VERY GOOD in bed or she might just need some other thing he has.

    • sweetie

      December 9, 2010 at 3:50 pm

      IBB wake up from that slumber you are in, right now!…she did NOT get with him cause of his toasting skills, …..come to think of it, what would she do with the toasting skills if he was that good, when she is lonely at night she will think of it and it will make her warm, or she would use it and cook soup or what?! abeg, she agreed cause she wants to have sex with him period, if a woman thinks u can satisfy her sexually, u dont even need to say anything, she gravitates towards u.

    • Babydee

      December 9, 2010 at 9:23 pm

      lol….Sweetie, i feel like you are about the bring a cane out and make IBB wake up by force….lol….

    • hot mama

      June 14, 2013 at 4:11 pm

      @ last sentence, WORD!!!

    • prism of an immigrant

      December 9, 2010 at 4:44 pm

      I do not agree with you that women are mentally weaker. I actually think that is just the good old chauvinistic man within you speaking. Women and men are both equal mentally. We only have different ways of processing information and reacting to situations. If you meant to say that women are more emotional and can be persuaded by a man who first has proven to be worth her emotional investment, I wouldn’t dispute that…

      http://lookingglassofanimmigrant.blogspot.com/

      http://lookingglassofanimmigrant.blogspot.com/

    • Jade82

      December 9, 2010 at 5:53 pm

      @ IBB sorry oh the guy is definitely doing something that the other mumu’s she dated couldn’t satisfy her with sexually; cos no be toasting or jazz SSCE guy take grip the Prof. na correct workout (you know what i mean)….coupled with satisfying her….

    • Dee gurl

      December 10, 2010 at 2:50 pm

      na lie

    • tj

      December 11, 2010 at 9:56 pm

      bullshit….women are not weaker mentally….so because one lady fell for someone below her class means all women are weak….stop the unnecessary n ridiculous generalizations

  13. Ogo

    December 9, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    Get with the programme guysssss!!Its all about US!!! U dig??lol
    Nice one!!

  14. Den

    December 9, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    This article is so true,women call the shots……role reversal,so true,toasting no dey work again o

  15. Ready

    December 9, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    If any man hadn’t considered that possibility, then he’s got much to learn from life. Still we have to admit that there are some very simple women (for hesitation to use an insulting term) who either don’t know or understand this power or how to use it. They might be the ones IBB’s referring to.

    • Faith

      December 9, 2010 at 10:54 pm

      I shudder to think of the women you call “simple”. I think what this article is saying is that not every woman wants the same thing. Sure, some women do like to have sex for the fun of it but some don’t. Some can have meaningless flings, some can’t and end up clinging to the men that used to be their “sex buddies”. It’s a myth that women are one way and guys are the others. Not every guy finds it fulfilling to hop from one bed to the other. So if a woman does not manipulate the use of her powers to get her way, you should actually stop to think about whether she wants it or not before you label her “simple”.

    • Ready

      December 10, 2010 at 8:48 am

      On the contrary, I think you misunderstood the point of this article which is that although many African men would like to believe that they call the shots concerning sex and sexual partners, women actually do. This has nothing to do with sexual promiscuity or bed hopping on the part of anyone, instead, it focuses solely on the power that women have long exerted regarding control of sex and the erroneous belief of the men who believe they control it.
      Having said that, why shall you shudder? The women I refer to as simple are those who don’t understand or refuse to wield that power, i.e. they let men dictate to them sexually and become involuntary sex slaves. This has nothing to do with using sex to get their way or having meaningless flings.
      Hopefully you get my point, if not, omo na free world. Adios chica!

  16. Bukky

    December 9, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Thanks for this article i so agree with it 100%. A girl has needs sometimes and the need can be sex and she can choose to have it whenever she chooses. Because of our judgmental society,sometimes women tend to not initiate these things and make the guy believe he is the one calling the shot.

  17. piedpiper

    December 9, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    so true, it takes d smartest guy in dis world to knw wen his gurl is cheating on him but even the dumbest gurl knws it wen her guy is straying, she just wouldnt say cos obviously she’s on schedule…..lemme share a story real quick
    a friend of mine pick a gurl @ random afta some heavy-booze-night-out @ Tribecca, they agreed on terms, we got home but could you believe this gurl called her boyfriend to say how much she loves him and asking him to say he loves her back, started shedding tears accusing the guy of being wit anoda gurl and stuffs, eventually the mumu told her he loves her and was not wit anoda gurl…..i was shocked…bottom-power..kai

    • wonkomije

      December 10, 2010 at 6:47 pm

      a male friend told me of the same experience, infact in this case the girl was on top of him ,hot in action!it amazes me when some men brag about their girlfriend concerning her faithfulness to the relationship.just keep your mouth shut, except u have suddenly become omnipotent.

  18. prism of an immigrant

    December 9, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    I think this sexual liberation is rapidly making its way across Africa, thanks to technology.

    http://lookingglassofanimmigrant.blogspot.com/

    • uh-uh

      December 10, 2010 at 7:44 am

      nope. it’s been going on underground for a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery long time…ladies are just coming out, that’s all

  19. Omogekofo

    December 9, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    on point…. good one.

  20. Petite

    December 9, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    OMG! Spot on!

  21. Jade82

    December 9, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    Very interesting article, that says it all.
    Some guys really think they are the ‘MAC DADDY” when at the end of the day we are the ones that determine if we want to see them again. It all involves experience and when we figure it out; the rule is GOLDEN……
    I wish this article can be put where most guys can read it, so they can get with the program.

  22. creamy

    December 9, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    i love sex my way so tell me y i sshould not call d shots n dictate d pace. i m in a brand new relationship , luvn it n oh the sex wld v been a bore if i did no tell him how i like it. we done it only once n it was fine.i m lukn forward to more adventurous sessions spearheaded by me.

    • Ready

      December 10, 2010 at 8:51 am

      Lol…TMI boo, TMI. And your name is creamy too? If only you could see the mental pictures.

  23. adenike

    December 9, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    Been laughing out loud since i read this… I tell my friends who think they are ‘smart players’ all the time that; girls are no longer silly,for the fact that a girl opens her thighs for you doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what she’s doing-in fact she really wants to sleep with you at that time. It’s really sad that our society has made us to be at the receiving end.Men should understand that in most cases, THEY ARE THE WEAKER VESSELS!!!!

    • Faith

      December 9, 2010 at 10:58 pm

      What’s with the male bashing? I am a feminist and I believe in the equality of the sexes and not the superiority of one over the other.

    • kiky

      December 10, 2010 at 7:16 pm

      help me ohhh…tell them very well

  24. shade

    December 9, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    Lol. too funny

  25. PrettyLips

    December 9, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    This is an awesome write-up!! Kudos dude. Keeping it real, everything you wrote is so so so true! Men don’t get it twisted… Too can play the ‘same’ game!

  26. Wizzy

    December 9, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    It can’t get any better than this….. I hope African males can read it o!

  27. Aibee

    December 9, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    Word. Been there. Done that! And you are soooooooooooooo spot on. Finally, the guys are catching on,lol. If only they knew.

  28. paprika

    December 9, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    so true!

  29. fifi

    December 9, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    I cdnt agree with naijamom n ogo more…@ ibb, jst one question; what wd u say about the men that marry girls from the village, same difference there must be somtng they feel they can get from them. The same applies to d woman who marries an ssce holder or dates him or woteva.. Nice piece, I agree 95%..lol..plus if you wrote ‘to yarn or not to yarn’ that was simply amazing..luved it..

  30. DimErr

    December 9, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    Who calls the shot the in a relationshp???Women say dey do, Men hav always bin calln…………The conclusion is no one can do witout the other, so stop the whole Shot callin shit and get together……Dis aint a game

    • Neighbor

      December 9, 2010 at 8:40 pm

      Exactly!! I don’t know what people are saying here. This article pisses me off.

    • partyrider

      December 10, 2010 at 12:17 am

      take a chill pill my neighbour

    • Justsaying!

      December 10, 2010 at 6:01 am

      You should have ignored it and keep walking abi na by force to read? From the title of the article one can easily decipher what it was about anyway.

    • Justsaying!

      December 10, 2010 at 5:59 am

      Its not that serious so easy with the cuss words ok?!!

    • Ready

      December 10, 2010 at 10:33 am

      Where are the cuss words? Pissed is not a cuss word.

  31. NNENNE

    December 9, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    No matter who call the shots, SAFE SEX please…STDs are on the increase and they do not respect anyone.What so ever anyone believe in, they should go with it. It feels good to know that Nigerian women now have sex, because they want to and not because of material things. N o moralizing…(I still remember those arrangees in the university).It is ok to have sex, when you are really in love.Some of us are socialized that way. PEACE!!!!!!

    • uh-uh

      December 10, 2010 at 7:46 am

      word!!!!!

  32. Neighbor

    December 9, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    This is so full of FAIL. I can’t even begin to describe how this is so wrong on many levels. I’m hoping someone will come here and articulate appropriately what’s in my mind!

    • dami O

      December 9, 2010 at 9:59 pm

      please why don’t you tell us your mind…..

    • leggy

      December 9, 2010 at 10:12 pm

      lol, and whats on your mind? the article isn’t saying that men are just dormant, its saying:’ it takes two to tango”.

  33. Oma

    December 9, 2010 at 11:00 pm

    *clearing throat*
    No comments.lol
    http://lifethroughomaseyes.blogspot.com

  34. Gretel

    December 9, 2010 at 11:49 pm

    GBAM

  35. OBY

    December 10, 2010 at 3:02 am

    THIS ARTICLE IS ON POINT……. I TELL ALL MY MALE FRIENDS THAT ACCUSE GIRLS OF BEING EASY OR CHEAP. IMMEDIATELY A GIRL MEETS A GUY, SHE ALREADY KNOWS IF SHES GONNA SLEEP WITH HIM OR NOT. ITS NOT A MATTER OF PLAYING GAMES, ITS JUST THAT SHE LIKES WHAT SHE SEES AND SHE WANTS TO TASTE IT. LOL

  36. GNV

    December 10, 2010 at 8:36 am

    GBAM. TJ only some divine being could have revealed this to you. Nice article, coming from a guy makes it nicer. if a lady had written this it would have been critiqued negatively.

  37. the truth!!

    December 10, 2010 at 9:07 am

    If you are smart enough to put your real name at the top then you’re definitely getting yours this weekend. I am a guy and i somewhat agree. i don’t believe that mostly men or women are really calling the shots. It just depends on who is the more dominant character of the two. Where I agree is that women crave sexual encounters as much as guys do. This understanding therefore leads to the approach that all that toasting, blocking and whatever else is not really necessary. A more direct approach will be more likely to get you what you want cos its either you want it or you don’t.

  38. lekan fayz

    December 10, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Yup, you were the booty call not her! Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,it’s too early in the morning, my brain can’t handle this.

  39. Omogekofo

    December 10, 2010 at 9:59 am

    couldn’t be more well written

  40. Ballad of a life soldier

    December 10, 2010 at 11:13 am

    writer has said it period!!!!! any man when believe say na im dey call the shots, i pity that fellow, co’s if u think u do it’s cos she allowed it. if she doesn’t, will you force her?after all your toasting and braggings. i see lotta guys boasting about how they F”d jane and mary. She F”d u cos she chose to.

  41. Ovo

    December 10, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Nice Article I must say!!!…but in Life,we should always look at issues from both Angles…What if Guys,happened to v understood the ‘Program’ right from d start…but just happen to play along,because of the ‘Jelly’ nature of Women when it comes to feelings…Just as she’s having some other guy…betta believe that the dude is avin ur friends…NO GAIN,NO LOSS!

    • kiky

      December 10, 2010 at 1:12 pm

      trust me when a girl sets out to just have fun..feelings will never get in the way unless she wants to feel for that particular person

  42. kiky

    December 10, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    dude I love you for this…..now i know all men don’t think alike. well said

  43. vanese

    December 10, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    am lovin evry inch of this nid more ride on sista

    • qeee

      December 10, 2010 at 3:51 pm

      TJ is a male.

  44. Ovo

    December 10, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    @ kiki…from d little I know…Women don’t force Feelings…it happens naturally,So there are billions of girls,who enter stuff,with d mission to just play with the dude,then after some days…she’d be the one trying to blow up ur phone…The Sex is a major Factor…but pls u Girls should stop acting all ‘Am Strong’ when u really know what it all turns into.

    • kiky

      December 10, 2010 at 7:13 pm

      its obvious that u guys dont understand what the writer means and is trying to say in this article….but u guys can keep burying ur heads in the sand and keep thinking u call the shots all the time.
      its not every time a girl shags a guy that she wants a relationship from him we have our own urges too. and choose whom to do it with. but bcos most times we cant just go and toast a guy to shag him…we wait 4 the toaster who offers him self on a platter of Gold, that way u dont look like a slag…going on and chasing boys around….lol.
      Buts its a free world u guyz can keep thinking its you…anything that makes u sleep really…

  45. brownie

    December 10, 2010 at 3:18 pm

    great article. loving every bit of it.

  46. Jennifer Jesse

    December 10, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    @ Poster… am female, i must say that i havent read any article written by a man addressing this issue. You right on point, some male folk should get some education on this!

  47. Kenis

    December 10, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    Women, call the shots?
    I don’t think so. I won’t approach her if I don’t like her…if she likes me, good, but I chose her first. It might be easy for a lady to choose and win any man immediately, but the man’s role of being the one to make the move will always be respected in our society.
    If you come after me for sex…it might as well start and end there. A higher percentage of women want more than just sex…even if they choose to get the sex secretly or from me…I wouldn’t give more than I want to give. I REMAIN IN CONTROL OF ME AND MY CHOICES!

    • kiky

      December 10, 2010 at 7:02 pm

      Kenis….if a woman wants to sleep with you…unless u are Angel Gabriel’s junior brother…she will most definitely succeed.

    • bcgeorge

      December 15, 2010 at 10:54 am

      I dare you kiky..lolsssssss

    • kiky

      December 10, 2010 at 7:04 pm

      and the article was only talking about sex and not commitment…

  48. mike

    December 10, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    The name of this write up should have been ‘THE NAKED TRUTH’

  49. wonkomije

    December 10, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    i love this article. what men don’t know about women is that a woman solely decides what she does with her body, be it 2 hours,2weeks or 2months after meeting a man.God’s grace defines a “man’s” life even men who settle for virgins do not all beat their chest to have a blissful marriage.we all look forward to being with the right person and grow old together in love.

  50. Timma

    December 10, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    Nice one, all the guys need to read this one

  51. vickky

    December 11, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    This article is quite on point.
    P.S. Why must the girl tell her pastor about her sexual history? some confessions, gory details and all, just arent meant for puritan ears. LOL.

  52. ibb

    December 13, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    This article/comments already makes women cheap which shouldn’t be!! sex! sex! sex! habaa! women have powers and are suppose to use such to control there home,there promiscuous husband,there children not controlling sex activities with other men as some are commenting. A sex starved man goes to brothel while a sex starved woman goes where?If she goes to a brothel she’s termed a prostitute!if she goes to a neighbor is termed a whore! Friends,I think a woman’s place is her home where she has control over her husband,are children and helps. Even there sex activities are controlled by the woman.

  53. Obie

    December 14, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    Very much interesting & to a great degree, true, the article.. But i’d love to ask; If the ladies always call the shots, then how come some dudes whom I know only too well, ‘get some’ from almost any lady they as much as say ‘hi’ to.. Do all the ladies involved call the shots in these cases, or are these dudes simply ‘Master Seducers’?

  54. Adeola

    December 14, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    HUM KENIS…YOU ARE DEAD WRONG. The writer was talking about sex…what has love or commitment got to do with it? She wants sex and she gets it…you didn’t use her, you got used. hehehehehe!

  55. Adeola

    December 14, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    @Obie, not all girls know what they want or are in full control. Frankly some are just plain stupid. Tell the ‘master seducers’ to pick worthy prey…

  56. Mariamah

    December 14, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    Been there, done that, you are totally right.

  57. Mariamah

    December 14, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    I totally agree wit u

  58. annie

    December 15, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    i for one would’ve preferred it if the men DID NOT in fact know this.

  59. thad

    December 17, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    simple fact of the matter is that it takes 2 to tango.

  60. storm!

    December 17, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    Kiki,ur right on point.veree nice article.its hightime men started realising dat if a woman doesn’t want it,she won’t do it! She’s in control of her body.

  61. Joe

    December 19, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    This is just another episode of a woman wanting to be independent at all cost,
    Claiming that they can do without men and letting the popular quote ‘what a man can do, a woman can do better’ drive them nuts.

  62. ray.

    December 19, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    now that you women have agreed that you aint soft nor weak as we men ‘stupidly’ take you to be,i really wish all men would come across the article and read all the comments from the women. . . . .lets accept you for the strong and capable gender you claim to be. . .he,he,he. . .no more soft tango,no more lovemaking,no more woman pleasing,no more sex superman ego medals. . .no more trying to get you to orgasm. . .lets see how sex with us men would feel then. . .remember we could come in a minute but strive not to so we could please yhu. . .and we go at ur directed pace coz we been blindly thinking u r soft. . .d article is a wake up call. . .men! Game up! No soft ball. . .lets actually play rocks. . . . ! Lets see how strong the women really are!

  63. Benny

    December 21, 2010 at 10:31 pm

    Well I’m cocky and funny….Never fall for any woman..I always go for what I like…If any guy can be cocky and funny ohhhhh

  64. wonkomije

    December 25, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    can i have a hand hug guys?dis article aint written to piss anyone off,its just d f*&@n truth!

  65. Jatropha

    January 6, 2011 at 5:24 am

    While acknowledging that this article is well written and reasonably persuasive,I still have a bifurcated view that it’s whole content is not entirely factual.While i totally agree that African societies should relax their views about Women and their sexual needs,i beg to differ on who call’s the shot.

    The truth that “it takes two to tangle” makes it a very weak argument crediting women with all the glory.It’s factual that whatever a woman wants sexually is limited to what is available with who she wants it from.Considering the authors experience with the lady,what could have happened when the lady comes back apparently to have sex and he says no?Would her saying yes to sex at that point have any meaning?What happens when a woman wants sex and a man says No?Who’s calling the shot then?

    Therefore,this article is only relevant when a Man takes the initiative as always the case.But when a woman does,the reverse is the case.It is indisputable to conclude that whosoever initiates first; is at the mercy of the other.50/50 is a good language for sexual consent.Take or leave it.

  66. omoyemi ibrahim

    January 13, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    true talk lol

  67. happy mood

    January 25, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    yea.. word well written well said. sometimes we go as far as playing with a guy’s instrument just to see d size and then we r off. *smiles*

  68. Ima

    January 26, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    kiky
    and the article was only talking about sex and not commitment…

    Ha ha. Players getting played! Predators becoming prey! If only they knew. And yet they say women are the weaker sex! Ha Ha.

  69. anon

    January 27, 2011 at 2:01 am

    I totally agree with this article, and I love it that it’s from a guy.

    Anyway, women take the shot all time. Women are not that innocent or naive. For example, women think and want sex just like how men want it. I’m sorry I know of relationships where the men is trying to take it slow, want to get to know before having sex, but the women are the ones pushing it.

    So, if the woman offers the man, of course he will give in because it’s free and also their ego. Women know what they are doing 90% of the time, so it’s very interesting when the society try to perceive or see the woman as victim all the time.

  70. naughty me

    January 29, 2011 at 4:53 am

    haha..this article reminds me of one time I sneaked out on my boyfriend to go check on my intermidate ex,was mad curious to know if the sexual attraction was still there.

    So I showed up under the pretence of coming to apologize for the way I broke up with him while going thru the checklist of procedure in my head.

    Quickly gets a boner once we’re alone. CHECKED.

    Kiss is still mind-blowing hot and lasts so damn long. CHECKED.

    Moans my name softly when he grabs my b**bs. CHECKED.

    His torso- still smooth,fit & hard as a marble……zzzzztttt!

    urgh..he grew some chest hair and a slight belly fat..argh..

    no! time to stop,I just realized things have changed, no need to go further before I arrive to that conclusion.I quickly claimed I needed to be somewhere as soon as possible and just dashed off. I heard him swear loudly and banged the door after me. cracks me up whenever I remember that evening.

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 28, 2013 at 10:52 am

      Did this same thing a long time ago…He was still madly attracted i was not…End of Story..Left him with a Pestle size hard-on…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  71. naughty me

    January 29, 2011 at 5:09 am

    Oh and I dn’t go around checking on my exs oh. Was only trying to find out if I could be in love with someone while still attracted to another,you know the two-dimensional attention issue. @[email protected]

  72. Tiki

    February 10, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    ROTFLMAO!some comments here kick ass, other …Neighbour, why don’t you tell us ur mind instead of sulking in the background?
    TJ, Gbosa!!this was on point! at least there are guys out there who understand how it goes down….(ahem ahem, forgive the pun!)lol.

  73. Chi

    March 18, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Toasting. How many times the writer employs this word! Its overuse in the article though exasperating, is not as maddening as the writer’s ignorance of its meaning and his apparent implying of a synonimic relationship between the word and terms such as chasing, courting, making advances, wooing…
    I’ve noticed such butchering of the English language more and more among us Nigerians. One of my favourites is “severally”, as in: We had to rehearse severally before getting the right steps”.
    Gosh!

  74. Lilpeach

    April 14, 2011 at 11:48 am

    nice one!!!

  75. Claus Von Stauffenberg

    April 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    Men love sex! If they are discovering that women too love it like they do and it leads to more sex for them, na win win be dat now.

    Everything else, who initiated it, who’s in control, who used who etc na story.

  76. Darcy

    July 18, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    Omg……so on point,TJ I applaud you once more but it seems the male folks(some newayz) can’t just agree with this because they feel its wrong and a lie but I think the truth is they just bitter that they have been getting played by even the smallest girl they know all along*hahahahahaha* On that note,I ask that the title of this article be changed to “POWER OF A WOMAN”……my 2cents newayz…….

  77. AMARAsoulz

    January 3, 2013 at 7:49 pm

    IT TAKES TWO! it all depends whos more dominant. if a guy is putting in “work” and she satisfied, theres no way shell deny the next time he wants to have sex and thats VICE VERSA if shes experieced and knows what she wants and knows how to do it right theres no way hell deny her aswell.

  78. Chase

    March 22, 2013 at 12:58 am

    As a polygamist in Africa (4 wives, 3 different African countries plus fiancees) as an African American male, I too do “role play” when in the US. All of my wives in Africa are younger than myself. In the US, I’m usually a “Cougar Chaser”, meaning the US-born women are 10 yrs to 30 yrs older than myself. My Cougars are usually “Alpha females” mentally and normally air-signs astrologically. So with me being a dominant male (heavy fire-sign) I suppress such to their liking as I play the “MaleMaid” and “BoyToy” roles when I spend the nites. In exchange, I live rent-free in the US at various Cougars homes or apartments as I wish. Being manly financially, I make more money than all my women and take not a dollar from any. In fact, I teach my women on both sides of the ocean how to make more legal income for themselves without jobs. Such endears them to me even knowing I am a “ladies Man” globally. Without women and children, life would be a waste.

    • Speechless in Marina

      June 14, 2013 at 3:28 pm

      *totally gobsmacked*

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