I have recently developed a crush on a man twice my age. Aside from a couple of friends who have been praying fervently and at all costs, trying to exorcise me free from the demons responsible for this crush, he epitomises most things a young lady like myself seek for in a partner. He is witty, interesting, cultured, well read and very intelligent. He jokes about it, that his intellectual side is a thing of default. He is old, so bound to know a thing or two about the world.
We have become well acquainted over time and both understand what we do for and not for a living. Every Sunday, he reads my articles in Elan. He sends me text messages after reading them. At times quoting lines that he finds amusing from the articles or writing his own jokes in response to what I have written. Sometimes, he goes as far as pointing out spelling errors, but it always ends with what I have come to describe as his pay off – “Good Stuff”. I once expressed some concern that I wasn’t sure if my writing was relatable to most Nigerians because I started getting private responses from people stating things like “I don’t get it” or “I think I have to read it again”. He responded saying “Write from the heart, some will get it and some will not”, which in the end made me feel that little more confident about my writing style and voice. Every Sunday, he induces in me what I call “one of the greatest feelings in the world”, knowing that someone carefully takes note and seems involved in something that you do and more importantly something that means a lot to you.
A few weeks ago, I had a chinwag with a friend of mine about my crush and how awesome it felt when I received my Sunday texts. I was expecting yet another chastising conversation about my falling for an older man but instead she told me how nice it was, and she wished in her former relationships her partners would have bothered to watch her video clips on Youtube or watch her on television. It reminded me of a story my cousin told me, about a male friend of hers, who called her up on the phone reading his personal statement for an MBA application whilst his girlfriend sat next to him. I realised that despite the spiritual, emotional and intellectual connections we seek for in partners, the fact is we spend 80 to 90% of our lives doing certain things; either for money, for happiness or just for a better life. So how crucial is it that our partners are involved in what we do to a greater extent?
From helping you do some research on new courses you would like to do, to helping you review your business plan, perhaps buying resource material to make you get better or just assisting in some brain storming. Because the truth is, however multi-dimensional we are, some things at a designated time in our lives mean a lot to us and consequently cannot be ignored. So the other person involved in your life should understand that. Besides it all making you feel good, it allows the other person feel integral and indispensable to the process of who you are and the who you will become.
The mind, they say, is a great thing; understanding the working and process of another mind is the unlocking of a kind of power, but being able to complement that other mind can become like kryptonite. Understanding what someone else does and the manner in which they work can reveal a great deal about their character traits, and a good perception of those traits both good and flawed can yield a healthy equilibrium in that relationship. I believe that relationships are friendships with intimacy attached. I take a great deal of interest in most elements surrounding the lives of my friends and most of them do the same with mine. As much time as we spend gossiping, ranting and whining, is the same amount of time we spend looking out for things that would make each other’s lives that much better. From emailing job vacancies and professional programmes to resource sites and even recommending them at any given time. My best friend bought me my first journal after reading my writings on scraps of paper and I credit that to my career as a writer and a poet till date.
Though my relationship with my crush may or may never evolve past a friendship, knowing that someone is reading and responding to my Sunday column can induce such euphoria that makes me understand that at this juncture in my life, certain things I do are of great importance to me, and anyone planning to waltz in, has to get it because I would do anything in my will to understand their world.