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6 Words and Cold Turkey

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“You’re deceiving yourself Glory. There’s no step by step with guys like this, it has to be surgical. You cut him off, like a bad appendix. Pull him out, like a rotten tooth. Turn away and don’t look back.”- Omo

It started during the Occupy Nigeria movement. While the whole country was embroiled in a bitter struggle over fuel subsidy increase, I was involved in a different struggle of my own. Boredom. So in the evening, my cousins and I, took a trip down to a popular spot on the Island, sipped on a few glasses of alcohol as we looked into the Lagos skyline. That was how I met him. He was a friend of a friend and as soon as my eyes caught his, I felt like a deer trapped in headlights. I couldn’t stop staring, and as the night progressed my eyes would linger for longer than required on him. His small eyes, the way he squinted them and tiled his dark well shaved head backwards anytime he laughed or the way his bottom lip pouted ever so slightly when he smiled.

The night ended and we exchanged details. The following afternoon, I received a friendly text from him, I replied and before long we had arranged to meet the following day. And so began my voyage into the abyss of reckless abandonment. Phone calls, bb chats, dinners, house visits, augmented with my day dreams of him and the lingering sweet memories of our previous visits. Without knowing it, I had leapt into the wind without a parachute, I was free falling without any indication of a soft landing underneath. And as with all ill thought out plans, only in the midst of chaos do you begin to realize how vulnerable you’ve let yourself become.

Perhaps it was somewhere in-between the soft kisses he planted on my forehead or the way he would put his hand on the small of my back or how he would gently place fraying stands of my hair behind my ears….or maybe it was the way he looked at me after the first time we kissed, I am not sure, but somewhere in between these saccharine drenched moments, I had lost myself and if I am honest I wasn’t particularly sure I wanted to be found. The only problem was, if I had bothered to stop long enough to allow my brain to do any thinking besides counting down the seconds to our next meeting, I would have realized the truth. I had emotionally invested in a venture that didn’t exist. I had put a down payment on a fictional relationship, that only involved one party – ME. Slowly I began to realize that I was the one doing all the communicating, always asking when next we would meet, always wanting to know how his day was going, always wanting to be part of his day, and him never really committing one way or the other. Perhaps I should have seen the signs when he showed up 6 and a half hours late to our date, or the time we had planned to meet up one evening and he casually forgot or the fact that he only called me once a week – on Friday nights.

The truth is, he isn’t to blame. He had been honest with me about where he was emotionally, but I didn’t hear him, or maybe I did, but choose to believe something else – I am unsure which it is. But after the last two weeks of emotional ups and downs and staring at my phone waiting for any pittance of communication from him – I realized the inevitable “he just wasn’t that into me”. Those are literally the 6 most painful words any woman has to admit to herself. But if we are honest, and can manage to look beyond the veneer of make believe romance we have concocted, we would see the flashing neon signs ahead of time. I know what it feels like to have a man interested in me-he usually calls me frequently, doesn’t show up late to dates neither does he casually forget pre-arranged dates.

So after the dissipated euphoria of seemingly great conversations over good food, the unfulfilled expectations of weeks of day dreaming, and the steady increase in the painful knowledge of unrequited feelings, I decided to speak to my trusted confidant Omo. At first I thought I called Omo because I wanted a step by step guide on how to come out of this emotionally bankrupt situation but in reality, what I was looking for was another man to validate my experience of the last month. I wanted Omo, to tell me to be patient, to wait it out, that somehow ‘my man’ would come around and everything would be okay. He didn’t. Instead he gave the same advice doctors give smokers who have discovered a malignant lump on their lungs – Surgery. In order words, cut him off or be prepared to ‘die’ from the consequences sooner or later.

So here I am, my fingers flirting with the delete button as his contact details stare me boldly in the face. The procedure is clear, cut him off and move on but as any smoker knows, going cold turkey is probably harder than performing the surgery itself. Like an addict, I want one more drag. One last phone call, one last kiss…. one more day and maybe tomorrow we can have the surgery and I’ll be strong enough to finally quit.

Photo credit: http://www.blackhealthzone.com

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are https://www.canadianmeds4u.com/category/buy-antibiotics-online/ more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

158 Comments

  1. Tessy O

    February 8, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    nice!

    • Gee

      February 9, 2012 at 9:19 am

      I agree nice

      I feel like I’ve met that guy and he did a similar thing to me. I also had to say to myself, he is not that into me.

      In my case, he approcahed me. Took my numbers, called or always BBMed me, then when I thought okay let me stop being too defensive and get into things. He pulled away, telling me I’m great and all but that he wasnt ready for something serious and I guess he also did that because he found out I was a virgin; and that the only way he would get anything from me is if we were married. Then things went a bit weird, we stayed friends and then I deleted him, re-added him and then again, and another re-add until finally he got tired and deleted me.

      Although I secretly hoped he would change his mind about wanting to play around for now and didnt want anything serious. He said he didnt want to break my heart and I promised we were just friends. He just wasnt that into me, especially because I wasnt going to give him anything he was looking for.

    • Babe

      February 9, 2012 at 5:18 pm

      Hi…thats a nice story…..trust me im like you ……and as much as you like him, if he was really into you, and worth u…he would have continued and ignored the fact You were a virgin, he would also have given you time to be comfortable……. it just shows he didnt really like you for you …but wanted to have you for what you could offer him dnt worry when you find a guy that likes you for you ….you would know also just be yourself, you dont have to change to please any guy , if you do then he is a fantansy …if hes the one he would appreciate… i know cos im like you and went through all this and well all i can say is im happy at the moment…:)…God bless U!

    • hapi

      February 23, 2012 at 9:58 am

      Darling….it’s rilli funny to know what guys want this days, my story is similar, but the difference is that i always try to cut them off before i get hurt, by occupying myself with additional task at work or home. keep your shoulder high because you will find the one who loves you for you, right now am very happy i have lots of choices to make…….

  2. pinnacle

    February 8, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    first.yayyyyyyyyyy.This is so so true.moments like this the only wayout is OUT.

  3. lola

    February 8, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Yeah usually its better to cut off now that its still a shrub, by the time it becomes a tree u’ll be the stalker and you’ll have a restrainer order placed on u! let it go girl better luck next time

  4. emily onikaba

    February 8, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    As pain- full as it would sound you still have delete him from your, cos it will just keep eating you like cancer. #justsayingo#

  5. Naveah

    February 8, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Been there, done that in a relationship and I have been a smoker – Cold turkey is easy once you lay out the cold hard facts to yourself. As a smoker once I saw what smoking does to the lungs, limbs, teeth, throat etc, once I looked at all the things in my life that I am yet to accomplish, nobody told me to quit, I dragged on my last cigarette on December 31st, 2009 after 15 years of puffing and never looked back. It was about self preservation. And with reference to relationships, let me tell you, once I sat down and recounted to myself all that I bring to the table as a woman, it was easy to cut the fool off! I refused to be devalued by any man, his loss is someone else’s gain and knowing what I know about ME, I knew any man who got me was getting the equivalent of the Hope diamond. Again, it was about respecting and preserving myself.

    It is not a crime to fall in like, lust or love but it is a crime to remain in that state when the person is showing you clearly that they do not NOT value you as a person through their words and/or actions.

    Women need to read that book by Steve Harvey, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man! We need to learn how to compartmentalize like men because they have a category for everything and expend their energy for each thing depending on the category. If they have placed a girl in the Good Time Girl category, they reserve their energy and don’t invest heavily like homeboy did in this story BUT women on the other hand, EVERY DUDE is a fiancé-to-be so they throw all their chips down and bet on homeboy without working on the finer details like how does he speak to you? Does he show up on dates on time? Does he check in when he’s not with you? Does he ask questions of you, your life, goals, dreams aka does he seem to want to know you on a deeper level or does he just talk about himself? Is he introducing you to the people that are important to him? Or are you the side piece he sees on Friday night because he has to take his main chick out on Saturday? Check out he speaks to the waiter, gateman or driver because that would be indicative of how he will deal with you as well? And I could go on and on and on. When I was 25 I would just go with the flow and say “oh that will change” but my 30s, I learned that the ish doesn’t change. I learned to observe a man’s spoken and non-spoken behavior, body language will tell you TONS if you dey shine your eyes. I learned to look at every single thing a man does and listen to LESS of what he says because the actions will speak volumes while words may sound pretty but very hallow. If the actions AND the words don’t match, sistergirlfriend, please high tail your a$$ outta there, that man ain’t looking for nothing but a sperm receptable!

    I am telling my sisters today, THINK WITH YOUR HEAD and let your heart slowly catch up and you will not fall for nonsense!

    • Ikem

      February 8, 2012 at 5:37 pm

      Absolutely spot on! OMG! I can relate to this.

    • Kay

      February 8, 2012 at 5:38 pm

      wow, y is there no like button here?…….thanks for talking to me, it aint easy but i’d do my best to walk my ass outta there……..thumbs up!!!

    • 'msexyniknowit

      February 10, 2012 at 7:09 am

      i know right? Bella u so need a like/luv button abegeee

    • A.D

      February 10, 2012 at 2:45 pm

      Bella shebi u see what ive been saying since. Put a like button or even love button sef

    • partyrider

      February 8, 2012 at 5:41 pm

      Gbam..Gbamer..Gbamest!!! Very well said.I have learnt from this..thank you.

    • Tessy O

      February 8, 2012 at 7:09 pm

      Well said… Shine your eyes ladies. And everyone really needs to read the book by Steve Harvey, “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”.

    • jennietobbie

      February 9, 2012 at 1:49 am

      Yesssss on Think Like A Man Act Like a Lady and a bigger YESSSSS on Straight Talk No Chaser.

      Glory, I freaking love you. You are a smart, beautiful and smart woman. Cold Turkey? Freeze the damn thing…lol. YOu know what I mean

    • Ufedo

      February 9, 2012 at 7:05 am

      OWn the book, Love it! I read it often enough, and yes, i’ve had to 6 words and cold turkey. but nothing feels better than hearing from others how the guy really respects me cos i refused to accept what he was dishing. I love the title of this post. learn it, live it, love it.

    • D Dreamer

      February 9, 2012 at 8:37 am

      Ure soooo on point! So true…..

    • Lue

      February 9, 2012 at 10:04 am

      GOD BLESS YOU!!!

    • Tiki

      February 9, 2012 at 12:02 pm

      I badly wanna meet you – you sound like someone I would want to talk to. Unfortunately you don’t have a blog or anything I can promote, but I’ll be sharing this anyway, and citing you as the speaker.

    • kemmyG

      February 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

      On Point!!!

    • Jade82

      February 9, 2012 at 11:45 pm

      Gbam @ Naveah…..u said it all.
      A lot of females can relate to this story. I had a similar experience but decided to let go and LOVE ME more. Trust me ladies that works, once you learn to love yourself more u realize that certain things men do or anyone does to you won’t bother you because you value yourself.

    • Content in Love

      February 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

      Wise words. Same thing happened to me years ago. I stalked the guy for so long I personally got fed up & just ignored him. He didn’t call or make any contact. Then i meet my husband who incidentally bears his name so of course he moves from ‘H” on my phone to “H” something.

      He finally calls years later after I had gotten married & had my first born & the conversation was something like this:

      Me: Hello
      H: Hello, what’s up
      Me: I’m good, who is this please?
      H: So you have deleted my number, this is so unfair, to think i thot we were friends…(ranting on)
      He then drops the phone. it took me 2 days to figure out who it was & then I really pitied him. Like he expected me to still wait by the phone for him to call after so long?!!!!! Good riddance to bad rubbish.

      One more thing, when you eventually get married to “the one” you will cringe anytime someone mentions your old flames cos trust me, they will pale in comparison. You won’t even believe you stooped so low as to have given them your heart for just one second. Trust me, it happens to us all.

      Billy Graham’s wife said “If God had always answered my prayers how i wanted, i’d have married the wrong man – several times!” And i say I would have done the same.

    • Shida

      February 10, 2012 at 10:07 pm

      Tnx sista,i realised dat i sam any guy dat comes ma way as a fiancè n they all end up hurting me and i guess i allowed them to. I’m gonna look out 4 these signs in ma next relationship n i believe it will workout 4 gud. God bless u.

    • debbie

      February 13, 2012 at 11:32 pm

      right on girl, for me i think we all know in our hearts when a guy is playing us, but because we are wishing that he should be the one, we forget 99.9% of him that obviously points to the fact that the guy is a no good and just keep replaying the 1% that plays on our emotions.

    • Boywonder

      February 15, 2012 at 8:45 am

      One small rejection and all the ladies are crying like little babies. What is good 4 the goose is equally 4 the gander. Suck it up and move on. Just like you ladies, we also have a right to like or dislike.

    • aBEg

      February 15, 2012 at 11:33 pm

      I have read the book and oh mine it’s an eye opener; if i had read it a few years back I bet i would have been more careful but it’s not too late…..I think all the sisters out there regardless of ur age shd get a copy of that book and believe me no man will take you for granted ever!

    • tilly

      February 16, 2012 at 9:44 am

      beautiful gurl

  6. titolicious

    February 8, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    hmmmm,,,,,,,,,,,,DEEP!

  7. Miss K

    February 8, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    It’s such a tall order having to root out this one ‘shrub’ you would like to see grow into a tree but beyond the bleakness and the hurt, the sun still shines. You will live again, i just did.

  8. talkingeyez

    February 8, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    i can so relate with this story,but i letting GO is the best option……

  9. just me

    February 8, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    awwww babes i was dere once even spent ma whole savings buying gadets for him hoping he ll see how much i like him and meet me half way in the end i just had to be strong for masef and delete him. u know when a guy is into you and what extents he goes to gets you. holding on will only hurt you more but deleting his is the first step to healing.

    • Hosea

      February 9, 2012 at 6:16 am

      That is sad! I’ve always said Screw this independent/contemporary woman bulls***! men should do the chasing but don’t play hard to get for too long (especially if you believe he’s the right one). Communication is key! I’ve never been a situation like that before but I can understand how painful that would be. It usually takes a while for me to open up and let anyone in! Sometimes I think it’s bad but I believe that has somehow saved me from any form of heartbreak. I have to be sure or really bored to even invest my time on you. No man has had that “honor” of breaking my heart and I pray that never happens.

    • julia

      June 19, 2012 at 6:45 pm

      @hosea you are my twin i’ve never suffered heartbreak or anytin like dat bcos i dont open up easily and i ve 2 b sure of u b4 i let u in and dis always saves me from heartbreaks…. u r so on point!!!

  10. Naveah

    February 8, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    *receptacle*

  11. lola

    February 8, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    sorry i meant restraining order, lol

  12. correct

    February 8, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    What r u still waiting for,delete that contact fast and find somfin else 2 occupy ur mind.Dis kind of Situation is called”shit happens”

  13. joicee

    February 8, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Glory , I love your writing….Yes those famous 6 words…wasn´t it a book title and later made into a movie…Your man is coming …no need to waste time in a venture that does not even exist.

  14. Fashionista today and forever

    February 8, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Damn Girllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
    You wrote it like you were writting my story. Straight from the heart you kept it real.
    Thanks babe.

  15. Traditionalbay

    February 8, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    @Naveah. i hear u. done deal!

  16. UsaveOne

    February 8, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Hahaha..nice! Plz in the spirit of Valentine’s day..let celebrate here http://www.usaveone.blogspot.com/

  17. Sheila

    February 8, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Good one…a lot of women can relate to this story…i know I can..

    http://www.sheilaspeaks.com

  18. Elisa

    February 8, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Very well written. I have a friend who is going through the same thing. Could not have come at a better time. Cut him off and keep it moving o jare.

  19. deep

    February 8, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    It’s funny how I’m going through this right now…Glory, I felt every word you wrote. I too last night was given the same advice by my own male confidant and it essentially echoed Omo’s advice to you…I invested in so many ways in this guy and now I’m very hurt ;-( will be thinking you as I too am unable to press delete

  20. Boxicus

    February 8, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    wooow… i loove this peice. Sooo apt

  21. diamond

    February 8, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    and it’s more so annoying when you are trying so hard to let go & he doesn’t want to let go because of all the attention you are giving him, knowing fully well that he’s not into you. Rubbish!

    • El Bee

      February 9, 2012 at 12:08 am

      OMG! Yes! The moment you decided to cut him off completely, stop calling and all that, that’s when he’ll realize he has your phone number. And then your stupid self start thinking “Oh he’s into me now”. Umm NEGATIVE. It’s because he miss the attention. DO NOT FALL.

    • lol

      February 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

      i did tht and he wen made sure he the attention again he went awol and he said i had evil spirits tht makes him stay away frm him

  22. lekwe

    February 8, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    @ Naveah it couldn’t have been put more explicitly than you did.
    Glory please move on once for all, cos ‘the just one more time” might end up being said 20 more times without any hope of it ever truly ending

  23. faith

    February 8, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    the worst type r those dat lead u on as if they feel dsame way u feel abt dem…..

  24. michelle

    February 8, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    sounds all too familiar….i know that feeling, it happens even to the best of us!!….my dear, RUN now you can……your true man is coming…

  25. amy

    February 8, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    hahahaha wander why that sound sfamiliar… God helps us chicks ,we appreciate the unavailable dumb ass ones and run away from the one panting and worshippingevery sand we walk on, how ironic. Just wandering if girls really want a man who would love them or a man whom they would chase after and beg him to love them…hmmm just wandering!!!!!

    • PD

      February 9, 2012 at 9:21 am

      Abiiii my sista……………the ones panting irritates me like hell…..but right now……i don wake up,before he pant sef i don grab am!

  26. H.A.W

    February 8, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    I am currently in these jeans… Ouch!

  27. CaRaMeL SeXy NoNi

    February 8, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Cut the MOFO off jare, i jst deleted sum dude off my fone jare, is dat why i av been itching to ring the guy, buh thank goodness i deleted him, if not, i would av made a fool outta myself by ringing him everyday.

  28. Aibee

    February 8, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    Ah Glory I’ve been there before oh. In my case the guy already told me he was ‘commitment-phobic’. I held on for 6months untill the night he stood me up and I foolishly waited for hours for him to show up. finally took a cap at past 9pm and was robbed of everything I had on me. Shoes, fones, laptop, money. The thiefs even led to an ATM to withdraw N100,000.00 of my hard earned money. I was beaten black & blue because I struggled with the thieves. Got home at about 11pm with a broken nose and bruises that lasted several weks. That was the day I knew I had to leave him. Now we are friends and he just told me a couple of weeks ago that he was just separated at the time. His divorce is currently before the court and will soon be finalised.

    Glory, you get out of a bad relationship the same way you pull out a bad tooth. Quickly and abruptly with minimal fuss. stop wasting time on this dude and leave space in your heart and time for someone more worthy. XOXO

    • Mary007

      February 8, 2012 at 8:34 pm

      So happy for you that you came out safe after such a struggle.

    • A.D

      February 10, 2012 at 2:55 pm

      My goodness!!! Wow, thank God u r alive oh…….what was his reaction sef when he heard your story #justcurious
      Kai, think we do for ‘suspect love’

  29. Cynthia Fayomi

    February 8, 2012 at 5:52 pm

  30. damico

    February 8, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    i feel like i wrote this. but in my case i j DID go cold turkey. its the only thing that can help

  31. Dimma

    February 8, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Glory I just love love love your writing. Naveah’s comment was just spot on though I couldn’t have said it any better.

    http://www.thatigbochick.blogspot.com/

    • oto

      February 10, 2012 at 10:23 pm

      your an 042 girl

  32. BBB

    February 8, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    @aibee, wow that was some experience u had there.

  33. doll

    February 8, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    I KϞöω̲ its not easy dearie, but U̶̲̥̅̊ have †Φ borrow leg join d one wey U̶̲̥̅̊ get and run as fast as Usain Bolts.

  34. deedee

    February 8, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    WTH!! I swear I just finished deleting him from my contact details.. same story!! very very little difference in details of course but same story.. you have no idea how freaked out i am to read this story as i just ended it with the delete button about 10mins ago. what coincidence?? I could not do it even when I know it needed to be done, I just could not stand one more update from him and was constantly viewing his profile *sigh*. and then i strongly thought it will be silly/childish of me to delete him so i sent a message to my friend and she bombarded me with so much , sme i will share. “u dont owe any1 explanation for doing what you feel will help you. its in the Bible, if something is not good for you, cut it off. if a relationship(anykind) is not good for you, end it.Let go and let God flow. Let the plans he has for you come to pass.Put God and yourself first, it is every man for himself and God for us all” .. thanks Glory, amazing writeup!! *still freaked out tho at the coincedence *

  35. Yinca Es*star

    February 8, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Nice one glory…been there too…in states lyk this its not lyk we dont know what to do…the problem is d strength to do it..call me spirikoko but i talked to God bout it and it was easier…not that i dint feel it (of cos i had to learn lessons from my free-fall)…but not too much……rytnow, everytime i see/remember him…its a mixture of ‘pity for him/relief from him’ feelings and all i can think of is, he dont know how much he lost when he lost me…but he’ll know very soon….prolly on BN doing great things with a very-correct Bobo by my side…gbam! lol……press dat red button and just keep doing what u do, work towards being a better you for that better man (work is a good healing balm, makes it faster)….and of cos be more careful next time….dont jump out without your parachute…

  36. Olu

    February 8, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Funny, some ladies here are still blaming and abusing the guy!

    You have no-one else to blame buy you. The signs were there from the start but you ignored them because of lust..not love.
    A female friend said she wanted to be the one credited with changing him and winning his heart …that’s why she held on – she’s still single and the guy is married.

    Check yourself.

    • A.D

      February 10, 2012 at 3:00 pm

      Wow, scarily true. thats the line the females in most ‘good girl-bad boy’ relationships tell themselves

  37. AK

    February 8, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    damn thats me right there ,but ‘”Like an addict, I want one more drag. One last phone call, one last kiss…. one more day and maybe tomorrow we can have the surgery and I’ll be strong enough to finally quit'”.hmmmmm. thanks Glory . tomorrow for sure the surgery go happen

  38. x0x0

    February 8, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    YAAAY WELCOME BACK GLORY! I’VE MISSED YOUR WRITE-UPS.

    That being said, guys really suck. He may have given you little signs and all that but he also led you on. Nothing more to be done than to treat the sore before it festers. Thank God for great guy friends like Omo who give it to you as it is. I have a few friends like that and I LOVE them. Sometimes we just need the cold hard truth…
    Perhaps you can have that one last goodbye-drag haha (I kid!)

    • @_deyemi

      February 9, 2012 at 9:44 am

      Guys suck? Isn’t that a tad bit too general?

      I’m a full blooded African man and though on the average I’ll be termed good, I’ve found myself in this scenario quite a few times. Truth is if a man is not ready for a deep lasting relationship there’s nothing you can do about it except leave him be.

      Even though most of us are more dishonest than honest we always show the signs. We expect the women we hook up with during this phase(s) of our lives to understand that and either “get with the program” or be “gone with the wind”.

      So please do not blame a man for being a man and if you ever find yourself in this kinda situation follow the writer’s advise and save us all the drama… we’ll understand

    • lola o

      February 14, 2012 at 4:00 pm

      wow…a rather hash response…so i’m curious – what could happen if she chooses to “get with the program”?

    • Pinkus

      February 14, 2012 at 4:31 pm

      Hmmmm…. I would want to believe you are older and wiser and would boast of more common sense now that you’re in your thirties, right? Wrong! Rather, your skill at being smug and dishonest has most likely improved. Please for the sake of naivety, what is this bull crap about a girl getting out or getting with the program? I’d take honesty over dishonety anytime any day, no matter how bad it hurts, but I’d assume your kind thinks the female folk so fragile and would break at the mere attempt of what you think is too painful to be the truth. But then again, this man/woman relationship would never change, it can only evolve, the dynamics have pretty much remained the same, say for a little more obvious sceheming and clawing on the parts of both sexes and that would mean flogging a dead horse if we were all to keep at this conversation. I would also want to believe that when you get to a stage (age or whatever) in your life, you let go of some things and put respect before all else, basically try to put into better perspective. If at this point you still share the ideology of a girl getting with the program or taking a walk, I would assume you pretty much would string on the girls who get with the program, abi and would take that route as opposed to the high road. Mister, please, a little honest goes a long way and a little truth would do much for your integrity as well. Get with the program ko, get with the program ni! I dont blame you though, its my kind (women folk) who decide getting with you and your program is more important that being single and happy in themselves in the belief that a more decent human being (man) would find her or vise versa. Afi get with the program na!

  39. Nokal

    February 8, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    Been there….Lesson Learned…..Sometimes we lie to ourselves that they will invest back…Well maybe thats why i decided to think like a man and act like a lady, I said it”Steve Harvey”.
    This is one of those lessons we have to learn whether you are a woman or a man….For once, i don’t worry if a man calls me or not, i dont even bother calling him…better still…i dont worry myself sick if he doesnt make plans…A woman like me always has her own plans….Life moves on, he is there or not…..Besides, i will only make a down payment when i am getting married to you……………….Actually when we are married…

  40. fondest

    February 8, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Thanks for your write-up. U just motivated me to do what I ought to have done years ago. I guess there is no better time than now. It hurts like the sting of the very devil, but ill heal. That’s for sure.

  41. fondest

    February 8, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    Thanks for your write-up. I just got the strength to do what I ought to have done years ago. I guess there is no better time than now. It hurts like the sting of the very devil, but ill heal. That’s for sure.

  42. Dee

    February 8, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    Spot on again Glory!

  43. onegirl

    February 9, 2012 at 12:32 am

    Deleting a guys phone number doesn’t change any thing. If you are like me then it means you’ll have the number stuck in your memory like a tattoo.,especially if you were the one driving the car. By driving the car,i mean,doing the checking up,calling etc.
    As a woman,you’ll have to get to the point were you make up your mind and decide ”on your own” that you’ve had enough. Until you get to that point,every ones advice goes into one ear and out through the other. A lot of women tend to love men more than they love them selves and sometimes i think the society is to blame for this. When we start loving and respecting our selves right,we’ll spot a guy who doesn’t care or have good intentions before they say Hello.. 🙂

    • Africhic

      February 9, 2012 at 12:00 pm

      I was going to say the same thing onegirl. I was like with some guy a few years ago i was a boderline stalker. I still know that number off hand today almost 5 years after. But i got to a point when i said enough.

  44. onyx

    February 9, 2012 at 1:18 am

    Nice post Gloria, Never been there until recently December-January and I think he is into me too…so yay Im fine lol… Please cut him off asap!!

  45. mimsymams

    February 9, 2012 at 1:43 am

    Gloria this happened to me… Exactley this during the occupy movement too…. I deleted his number to avoid calling him even though I could get his number. I would get one tiny missed call and call him back till he picked up.

    This morning I deleted him off BBM – I had to realise that I was more into him than he was me, I made more effort. The only diffrence is that this guy appeared to be on the same page, introduced me to his brother …. I thought we had found love in a hopeless place/time and this would be a great story to tell…. me and my bestfriend sef…. we don plan wedding already na to go to austria and pick up aso ebi remain. lool

    I got caught up and Im kicking myself because I should know better….. guess we never learn and see what we want to see

  46. michael

    February 9, 2012 at 1:46 am

    hey whops y’all ladies, ” sound like a good guy gone bad to me”. My discovery ”shit happens but good things happen too. So if you find shit happening and you ain’t a shit fan, simply flee or go search for the good thing. Good things are usually hidden in the strangest of places, especially if you stay humble and funny ”have good intentions”. some come in funny wrappers only for the keen eyed to spot whose got good intentions

  47. jennietobbie

    February 9, 2012 at 1:49 am

    Yesssss on Think Like A Man Act Like a Lady and a bigger YESSSSS on Straight Talk No Chaser.

    Glory, I freaking love you. You are a smart, beautiful and lovely woman. Cold Turkey? Freeze the damn thing…lol. YOu know what I mean

  48. onpoint

    February 9, 2012 at 3:50 am

    In times like this, acceptn d bitter truth becomes almost impÓ§sÍbe bt as always,truth is better. Gloria, let go and let God if not, u r bound to walk down ds road again

  49. ester

    February 9, 2012 at 7:55 am

    good post, please for interesting rural post, visit
    http://www.mrs-ca.blogspot.com

  50. Dahlia Voka

    February 9, 2012 at 8:17 am

    @Naveah Well said, I like your words

  51. Berry

    February 9, 2012 at 8:44 am

    DUH-LETE! NOW!

    Easier said than done, though. But the hurt you’ll feel now will be nothing compared to the hurt you’d most probably feel if you keep holding on.

    *Berry needs to take her own advice*

    http://ajebutternysc.blogspot.com

  52. kechy

    February 9, 2012 at 9:01 am

    this totally happend to me, i was a cool sorta level headed girl , but i meet this skinny boy who just cam e and turned my head around. took me on fantastic dates, told me sweet nothings and then next thing i found myself constantly dreaming about him.
    but after like 10days, i noticed i was the only one calling, the only one making plans to see. one day we were supposed to see a movie together and then he ddint arrive until the movie was over and didnt even apologoise properly., he was just generally taking me for granted.. last straw was when i realised he hadnt called me in 2weeks and i had called everyday of those weeks.

    omo, i had to give myself brain o. i deleted him and deleted all his mssg and any semblance or presence of him on my phone or in my life. guess what, after 3 days, bobo was calling me, i didn’t pick because i knew it was a trap. and after that i deleted his number again from my missed call history so i would never be tempted to call back

    glory, cold turkey is the only way to go in cases like this.
    wish you all the best

  53. pynk

    February 9, 2012 at 9:26 am

    had to cut off someone last year. the truth of the matter is that women need to realise that we are not Jesus, we can only save ourselves. Always remember that.

    • onyx

      February 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm

      Sister can you please get on the pulpit and PREACH some more?? That’s just gospel truth in all it’s simplicity.

    • Qutey

      February 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm

      Lots of true words and advice here but THIS IS THE SINGLE BEST ONE ADVICE I’VE SEEN…I literally said the exact same thing to myself o…after years of struggling with this it suddenly dawned on me- I am here hanging onto Jesus to deliver me, let him go n work out his own Salvation if he feels d need…SHIKENA!

  54. Very simple Analysis

    February 9, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Its very simple. Nearly every lady has gone through this-shows that ladies love lies.

    They love bad guys more who can come around, tell them sweet lies, make them 10 times taller than they are, turn their heads and prolly deceive them into sleeping with him, while he has no plan for them.

    The real guy is there showing care, buying gifts, doing all the calls, begging to take them on dates…but they don’t wanna see. He is a stalker!!!!

    May be after a lot of deleting and adding and deleting ( add-delete-add-delete-add-delete-add-delete) some people will learn that all that glitters is not gold.

    • Ejiro

      February 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

      Lol.

    • Sim

      February 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm

      you are right

  55. snowpal

    February 9, 2012 at 9:48 am

    God ooo dis is wat it means to speak n relate to a thousand and one women and hit dem really hard with the truth.Mehhnnnnn i sure ve learnt hw to use d delete buttons , chin up and chick on .The moment he becomes too busy all of a sudden to even call n make excuses at d slightest given opportunity Omo den dnt wait for d official lines.SURE its very painful but u got to let go or be prepared to die.lol

  56. Asakeismyname

    February 9, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Kai I can totally relate to this o… these days girls are getting heartbroken by guys they are not even dating shio…. Life didn’t come with instruction so I’ll say cut him off, dust off your shoulders and keep it moving… just see it as a learning curve to be more careful not to fall in the same trap in future.

    • Nades

      February 9, 2012 at 12:00 pm

      Lol…”these days girls are getting heartbrocken by guys they are not even dating…”. Verry funny…nice one.

  57. Phat

    February 9, 2012 at 10:11 am

    “If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a f-ing phone call.

  58. Haddy

    February 9, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Glory…i totally love your writing! Gosh, you write so amazingly well!!!

    About the content, we all seem to share these experiences. lol. Currently going cold turkey and thanks to your article, i have found the strength not to look back this time around….(i had actually been musing about the whole thing just this morning) Thanks a lot Glory. God bless you.

    Sistahs, we just have to stop being so bloody emotional and sentimental all the time! Naveah’s comment just sums it all up succinctly anyways.

  59. juliet

    February 9, 2012 at 10:46 am

    well i have been in this situations a couple of times and it is so sad to say i usually don’t learnt my lesson the 1st time but one thing for sure i am so good at doing is the DELETE button on my phone.

  60. TONI

    February 9, 2012 at 11:10 am

    I had the same experience last year November. Glad i was able to cut him off immediately. But it wasn’t easy, i still think about him daily. Thank God i do not have his contacts anymore, i would have been a nuisance. NICE PIECE!!!

  61. Lynn

    February 9, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Lovely piece…i think why some ladies hold back from applying the surgical blade is because there’s always this little voice in your head telling you that he’ll change. We easily make excuses for guys and in-turn forget to love ourselves. The more excuses you give yourself for not cutting loose, the more you devalue yourself in his sight. He has shown you all the signs, so trying to leach onto him will make d gal look desperate.

    True love has a peace that comes with it, a peace within you that calms everything. If that peace is not there, LOVE YOURSELF enough to let it go. Better days are ahead, if you keep crying over him waiting for a change, the tears may not allow you to see the sun when it’s rising on the other side. Go to http://lynnville.blogspot.com and read the article “LETTING GO”; it should inspire you.

  62. Nades

    February 9, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Yes, but it happens to guys too! We just don’t whine as much about it cos its ‘uncool’ to do so. So wee just suck it up and move on….it gets easier with time.

  63. bundle

    February 9, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    in my case, he told me point blank, that if i had other options i should take them…..funny enough after 12 months of moving on….he wants me back….your loss buddy…..i dont take rejection very well.

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 8, 2013 at 3:02 pm

      My story is similar to yours..After 10 months he’s like let’s give it ago, the laugh i laughed that day ehnnn…Still laughing at the laugh..with tears of joy in my eyes i gladly told him i would never have anything to do with him even if every other man on the planet suddenly became extinct and continued with my laughing..

  64. Theodora

    February 9, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    This and many more are the very reasons i love this site..BN i love you guys…….Thanks glory

  65. Nomy

    February 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Glory you too much! You just described my current position, you are so spot on! And though your write up is accurate and very motivating, am still going to hold on. One last drag, one last puff then i ‘ll let go. That puff and drag i promise MUST be my last! (and am not talking of smoking here)

  66. Zeggy

    February 9, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Glory Edozien. you have just ministered onto me. i can so relate with this post. so so on point. very nice literature.

  67. Ejiro

    February 9, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Had a friend that has the same story… she found out he was the marrying kind after all. He was marrying someone else! I had this experience early in my dating life, but once I succeeded in finally going cold turkey, I realized he wasn’t all that and that I could do so much better…hindsight. I’m married now to the real deal!

  68. tinuforbes

    February 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    nice post but really its not all about deletin him i see peeps shouting delete him with angry faces the thing is if you dont know what it means to be in love (i mean if u dont know what it is to be a chronic smoker you really dont know wat nicotine does to people) i have bin in gloria`s shoes and the relationship kept on goin off and on until this last time i got tired of evrything and just had to let it go although i did not delete him from my phone but had to delete his old messages. the second thing is that we actually get the wrong message some girls know it before hand that this guy is not into me and you still go ahead and date him thinking you can make him fall in love with you NEVER. thirdly we should learn to know our levels you might think this is rubbish buh when your father is a pauper and you start mingling with a rich man`s son he will never be into you like the yoruba would say olowo shore olowo- the rich befriends the rich. nuff said. God help us.

  69. ify

    February 9, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    I have been in these before,just came out from it dou,i must confess it aint easy,buh we ladies should always know that there is someone out there that loves us so much,instead of wasting our time with a nonsense guy that doesnt even give a shit about us.

  70. MISSGLAM

    February 9, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    hmmmm…do wat makes u happy sweetie….life is too short…. buh wen u feel a tinge of sadness,BAIL!!!

  71. tatafo!

    February 9, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Kai, Glory you’re smart that you caught this on time. I had a similar experience but in my case I let it drag on for 3 solid years. I always held on to the good things and blanked out the red flags. Thankfully, I figured it out and eventually went cold turkey.
    I have to admit the people saying we women are to blame are right. You shouldn’t invest time, energy and emotions in a person who doesn’t value you.

  72. Gift

    February 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Infact this is a story that relate to every woman. In my own case, my so called husband had a love child with another woman before I got married to him. But soon after our traditional marriage I got the shock of my life when he told me that the same woman he already had a love child with just put to bed another child for him. And for this shameless act he didnt ask for my forgiveness. I was just desperate to get married to him. Now after our wedding we started having issues in our marriage. My husband abandoned me with my 6 mnths old pregnancy , claiming that the child is not his. The family sent me out empty handed. Wit the help of my family I went thru childbirth and had a daughter that is three yrs old now. For those three yrs I never had any contact with my husband becos he stays abroad. he never called me during and after my pregnancy. Recently, on face book, I saw that he has married another woman from nigeria here and has taken her with him abroad. I also saw that he has another child. I resigned to my fate and moved on with my life . But, one day my phone rang and he was the one one…..mmmmmh . As we got talking , he denied ever saying that he is not the father of my child. He told me about the new woman he married. But that they are having serious issues that has even involved the Government. He told me how this woman used razor Blade on him and also how she has been maltreating his children (kids from different mothers). When I confronted him about the new baby on his profile pix on facebook…..mmmmmh ….. this man told me he had the child with another woman from labanon… the child should be three years this February while my own daughter is three yrs and and 2 months this February. The shocking reveletion here is that while I was 3 months pregnant in my husband’s house in the village, some other woman was also pregnant for my husband abroad.
    And I am sure, the other woman whom he eventually married and took abroad is also pregnant before leaving him ,ie, if I should go by what he told me. Recently, I accused him of inconsistency and I told him that I dont trust him. since then he has stopped calling me and my child. But we are fine without him. The only reason I allowed him again into our lives was just becos my daughter should have a good relationship with the father.

  73. drlily

    February 9, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    @ Naveah, spot on girl! I love this part- “…it was easy to cut the fool off”! ℓ☺ℓ ! U̶̲̥̅̊ are strong!
    @ Aibee- that was a particularly hard way to get the message. E pele oh! And U̶̲̥̅̊’re still friends with him? U̶̲̥̅̊ must have a very large heart!

  74. loma

    February 9, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    Story of my life, those I dig don’t dig me, those I don’t dig, dig me…phew!.
    I didn’t do my surgery though he did, after I totally ignored him and started speaking on platonic tones, he got the msg, deleted me from his bb contact n took off…lol. Lucky guy i was planning worse fate for him..lol
    @Naveah…spot on

  75. Sim

    February 9, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    I am currently in this situation but my own get small twist. I’m not that into him too. I have even come to terms with the fact that he is just a distraction and in fact, he has helped me in very many ways to get over a past painful relationship. But he doesn’t know this. My past relationship was plenty drama that I thought would never end – thankfully it did. So, I needed new drama and I got one. However, I like this new drama and I also know it’s going nowhere slowly. Lol!

  76. Fun-mee

    February 9, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Interesting write up Glory. Seriously you should not dish out great advice like this for free. Write a book girlie!

    I just want to add that this can also happen betweens friends with no romantic interest between them. I had this friend that was really a nice person and I admired (in a platonic way) his personality he was cool headed and everything. If I called he would be pick up, if I wanted to meet up he would agree and if I needed a favour he was willing BUT he never called me. He never asked how I was. I realised although he was a good person, he was not into me at all. If I asked why he hadn’t called, he will make up an excuse. Anyway, I decided to let go of him. No more Christmas/bday texts if I run into him again I will be cordial but I am no longer “forcing” myself on anybody romantic or not.

    • annie

      February 10, 2012 at 11:48 am

      THIS!! Opposite sex or not as well.

  77. Black

    February 9, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    In my opinion get rid. Good radiance to bad rubbish. He’s a waste of air time. If a guy likes you, he will be beating door your door and will literally want to hear from you every second. Be patient dear, you’ll meet the right person, and he’ll be all that you ever wanted and more.

  78. Very simple Analysis

    February 9, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Prolly my words may help a sister out. You all can relate with this but so sad that no one has given the right solution. We are a generation of many words with little or no action.

    Ladies, please tell yourself the truth. D-E-L-E-T-I-N-G aint the solution. As long as the problem is not dealt with, that process is going to continue forever. What happens when you delete the so called fool (although you were the one that was fooled) and another one comes with the same mindset? You delete him right and it continues all through.

    If the foundation is not right, problems are inevitable. Submitted up there that the guy is not the problem but you are. Knowing the fact that there are real guys and fake guys(players), it is left for you to decipher the right things that matter.

    To be candid, shey you people know that there are real guys there treating you with all the respect? who wont dare touch you till he kinda takes permission; who is presently on you as i write this but you dont wanna see; who begs to see you or take you out on dates but from your own viewpoint, he’s stalking you. On the other hand, one guy with no other mission and vision on earth than to chase anything in skirt/pant comes around with the sweet accolades, already kissing your forehead, sweet talking you, calling you all sort of names that angels don’t even bear themselves, chatting you up on things that exist in another continent he has not been to himself…and you are already tripping or some fake butterflies just get into your tommy without you putting one in there.

    What do you expect from a foundation built on lies and deception? Whatever that is built on sand will never stand the test of time. Therefore, if you want a long lasting relationship leading to marriage, begin to do it right.

    The heart may be feeble but you have the will power to call it to order. Which kind of guy do you want? Do you want the cultured guy with family values or just the player? Forget it babes, when you see them you recognize them. The way a guy talks, his dressing; his schedule and what he discusses with you will show you the kind of person he is. Not some ruffian, unkept, guy with stuffz all over him (you know what i mean)

    Lest i forget, the ones you think are too dull, unromantic, weak may just appear so-gotten to the house with them? They may be sweeter than the one that comes sweet talking. They may be principled, of good virtue and prolly Godly in nature. Think about this, if the ones in church have their own, what do you now expect from the ones who are not rooted in God? if the church ones are double dating, expect the ones outside to be six-pple dating

    You need to work on yourselves too i must say here. No real guy will just stop calling or do away if there is nothing chasing him away. Real i said cos have got nothing to do with the players. Some ladies (they know themselves) are so full of drama. If the guy is real, why drama? In my office, realized most of the men are single and none of them likes drama. A matured man/guy has the vision of a home in mind, why playing hard to get? What does it add to you? Most have lost their potential husbands to that. A man of God said opportunities don’t die, when its passing infront of you and you dont make good use of it, it goes to the next person. Opportunities have come your way but you let them slip away.

    Everyone knows that there is no one who will report an incident and robe himself/herself in. You all have said what the guy did, but what did you do? Most do alot of shakara; i dont care attitude; if you like me call me; See my dear, relationship/marriage is not for small kids- its for the matured minds. Both parties are to contribute to make the thing work.

    Ever seen where a plane flies with just one wing? Ehn shebi he is the guy/man, let him do this let him do that. Ever come across ” work out your salvation” in the bible? This is for matured minds who acknowledges that fact that if my guy does not call today, i will call him atleast he’s been calling all this while-peradventure something is wrong. Not for weakling who will not try his line 2-3weeks cos he dint call. If you wanna settle down, you need to leave all those childish behaviour and get serious.

    He must be this, must be that- are you perfect yourself? If you understand the fact that we all came from different backgrounds with different upbringing and values, you will take sometime to see how you can integrate into each other. Don’t expect him to be all you want-Na jazz? Na you create am? The only one you can have that will be all you want is the one you create yourself.

    Get matured babes- Maturity is the key. Study a typical marriage of our parents. At the initial stage, they may be having some little quarrels but as soon as they get matured, one party may do stuff and the other will just overlook it-Maturity talking. Our value system and orientation has been tampered with and no one talks about endurance, patience, calmness, consideration, to mention a few. Our parents could sustain their marriage cos of their value system but since you all wanna be the modern husband and modern wife, accept whatever heartbreaks and divorce that it has brought with it.

    So much to say but i have already said much, therefore i rest my case

    • MISSGLAM

      February 10, 2012 at 9:29 am

      THANKS FOR THIS…..XX

    • Very simple Analysis

      February 10, 2012 at 1:02 pm

      You are welcome honey

    • somebody

      February 12, 2012 at 5:54 am

      Damn! I read your comment and thought about myself for a good while. Do you have a blog? An email address where I can contact you perhaps? I need to learn more from you. You spoke the truth!

    • Very simple Analysis

      February 12, 2012 at 11:50 am

      Yes dear i do.
      I have words on this-not an article (cos they were practical illustrations and inspirations)
      You can mail me on ([email protected])and i will forward the article to you.
      Cheers dear

    • becca

      February 15, 2012 at 12:12 am

      spot on!

  79. cledgescledg

    February 10, 2012 at 9:16 am

    *word*

  80. Suashee

    February 10, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Glorrryyyyyy, I see u babes>>>>wonderful, still waiting for the book though. love u babes…..muahhhhh!!!!

  81. oma

    February 10, 2012 at 9:48 am

    u r so on point,u got me big time the word remains **delete**

  82. Eni

    February 10, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Went though this exact same situation. We’re together for two and a half years and I kept making excuses for him. All my friends advised me to let go but I just couldn’t. I finally left him 8 months ago when he told me he was having a baby with another girl. And 2 months ago, I found out he’s newly wedded to his baby mama. He told me himself when we bumped into each other. I’m over that right now. But I just regret having wasted so much time on nothing for no good reason. I do not hate him, I blame myself more.

  83. Love

    February 10, 2012 at 10:37 am

    we really need a like button here………….wow…word!!!!

  84. pretty me

    February 10, 2012 at 11:10 am

    just wen i was thinking of going COLD TURKEY he was attacked by robbers nd lost a lot.now all my friends keep on saying “be supportive” dat it may seem like its cos of d loss am leaving but hell no.it jst happen to be a coincedence.but for how long will i be supportive before i spill out my mind nd go for d delete button?#justthinking#

  85. Gemma

    February 10, 2012 at 11:30 am

    The story of uncountable women’s lives. Was in a similar situation once. He claimed he wasn’t ready for a relationship. That good old classic line. But of course he was, just not with me but with another woman whom he’s married to now. He came back when he started dating her and even when he married her and like the big fool that I was, I took him back until I learnt my lesson in the hardest possible way.
    Haven’t been on a date in four years because I’ve buried myself in other aspects of my life that are going very well. I get lonely sometimes but I’m prepared to wait for as long as it takes. Never ever going to do anything I’m definitely going to regret later again. Never ever going to make a fool of myself because of a man again. Never ever going against my personal principles again. Never ever going to waste my precious time on anyone who doesn’t value me again.
    All the best Glory. I hope you find the strength to cut him off.

  86. Zeenie

    February 10, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    I love this story… I can relate with it very well because I had a similar experience. I particularly love the end and the way it is likened to surgery … Glory Edozien keep it up!

  87. nenye

    February 11, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    interesting

  88. nita

    February 11, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    awww glory i missedur write up joorr i can totally relate to this and i am enjoying the comments too i love bella naija we here all seem to have a lot in common

  89. Anehibaby

    February 11, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    I am going thru a similar thing also and honestly, i don’t understand y guys focus so much on girls giving. Its like if we don’t give there is gonna be no relationship. I guess, gone r the days when guys actually searched for and proudly dated virgins, even if they were’nt intending on getting married soon.

  90. Browngyrl

    February 12, 2012 at 12:22 am

    Cold turkey all the way. When Sh*t ain’t right, it ain’t right regardless of how old you are.

  91. Emperoh

    February 12, 2012 at 11:41 am

    …..and when in this case, the ‘victim’ is a guy?
    What is he meant to do?

    Still asking me how i got to that point

  92. chris nomjov

    February 12, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Hilarity encapsulated in hard-hitting true facts..yet again Glory keeps thrilling

  93. Cece

    February 12, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    Naveah and simple analysis nailed this article. It is life-changing, I must say.

  94. Maegan A. Whisnant

    February 13, 2012 at 2:00 am

    Very nice. This reminds me of my ex and I. We were good friends before we started dating, but somehow we lost the friendship whilst we were dating. Needless to say, after we broke up the friendship wasn’t a friendship anymore. Hell, I would’ve been grateful if it was an acquaintanceship. Anyway, long story short, I put on those gloves and very diligently performed the “surgery”. We haven’t spoken in years, but my life is drama free; but I still miss the friendship though :(. Oh well…c’est la vie.

  95. lol

    February 13, 2012 at 11:36 am

    i did tht and he wen made sure he the attention again he went awol and he said i had evil spirits tht makes him stay away frm me

  96. sister in the lord

    February 14, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    I went on a hook up with a guy that has an awesome personalty. Before we hooked up, he used to call me for long hours everyday asking us to meet. But once I did( the best date of my 24years on earth), the phone calls reduced. He calls like just 3times a week and the conversation is a bit bland. Its eaisy to say back out(I already deleted his contacts to dicipline my self) but the issue here is I’ve already started picturing a future around him. He is godfearing has an international job, good looking+ and calm. Its hard to let go and admit to my self that he just might not be into me. The key thing is that we ladies need to stop building castles in the air. If he likes you, he wld make u his prioroty….no excuses!

  97. alice bassey

    February 15, 2012 at 11:22 am

    now we go d same memory lane
    same old story, did delete it nd waited 4 a call, when he didnt, i needed that last kiss, feel of him to reminice about when we finally leave but i just cant have that. there aint no need building castles in the air cos they nvr stay.now you knw just pick ur last shred of dignity and leave 4 gud.

  98. longsufferer

    February 16, 2012 at 11:53 am

    aka.. time waster…go cold turkey on him!

  99. Pingback: Ladies Love Lies! Do they? | nubianwaters

  100. Tope

    February 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Nice One; It happened to me but I cautioned myself early because of the experience I almost lt go of my husband not knowing he was having financial challenges for not calling me but if it is a man that is really interested in you; He will run after you and get you back.

  101. Claus Von Stauffenberg

    February 24, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Well said Glory. Having been at the opposite end of 2 similar, but not identical situations, I can say you are on point with your decision.

    Looking at it from the opposite side, you may also be doing the guy a favour. Most guys are used to being the chasers. The truth is, a guy has no clue how to let a girl down if she is being really keen and he’s not interested in a relationship. I got conflicting advice when I was in the 2 situations. One female cousin told me I should NOT tell the girl that I wasn’t interested in her in that way (since she herself hadn’t told me she liked me). In the other scenario I followed the same principle and it appeared I was leading the girl on.

    In the first situation, the girl ultimately got tired and stopped communicating (cold turkey I guess). In the second situation, the girl’s moves grew stronger and stronger until I HAD to tell her I wasn’t interested…then I saw a really crazy side.

    Let’s not be too harsh on guys here. A lot of people just don’t know how to bump someone off if they’re not that into them. The guilty ones are the ones that chased others, leading them on, and them dropped them. For those that never chased in the first place, they can only be adjudged NOT GUILTY!

  102. Nomy

    February 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    I commented before now am back again with my second comment! Its time for my six words and extremely cold turkey “am just not that into you”

  103. toyin

    February 28, 2012 at 11:29 am

    even when some1 calls u, texts u or hangs out wit u often dat is no gaurantee he or she is into u. sometimes people use odas 4 diff reasons, he may enjoy ur company, he may b fronting wit u or camouflaging ur his girl to dissuade odas frm disturbing. it’s quite easy for a woman to fall 4 a guy in this situation. women may have been created frm men but in truth we are very different creatures, tink diff, react diff, feel diff. A guy may tink I like this miss, she is nice 2 me, she makes a good friend on d oda the miss in question is already in love & tinks her feelings are reciprocated cos he’s nice to her, conflict of interest ensues, d drama starts. to avoid this scenario, i have learnt frm experience to always define my relationships, it saves me a lot of headache later, beta i knw nw if d guy I am digging is into me or not than be way into him 2 deep it hurts like migraine later. Cut out the little assumptions and insinuations and get to the root of the matter, ask point blank , are u into me or wat. if u assume dat a guy who don’t call is not into u, it may be dat he is broke or shy, whilst d oda who call u often is loaded and is in need of someone, anybody to chat 2 make his day less boring. learn to cut to the chase, define ur relationship or as its been aptly said tink like a man if u can.

  104. kem

    February 28, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    who, see comment, wisdom is indeed profitable, nicely put together

  105. dewunmi

    February 29, 2012 at 10:25 am

    I totally agree with you Toyin. Someone might be calling you,texting you and seeing you everyday but he is not that into you and you would fall in love and then the drama starts and then he sees a very good excuse to run away from you.

  106. wemimo

    March 3, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    serzly, it has hapnd to me countless times too….it dint pay off at d end n i felt like a complete idiot!…..cut him off glory…..he doesnt deserve u….

  107. Damilare

    March 5, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    Just when my head was trying to posit for a re-read, @very simple analysis takes the thoughts rights out of my heart. Great initial write-up by Glory and an equally great reply by you!

  108. madge

    March 27, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    Guyz,what if he actually asked you to date him and after a while he suddenly turns cold???

  109. Shady

    April 6, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    @deyemi, pls can u tell us what ” The Program is” . Get with the program, u must think u people are all that and a bag of chips, Rubbish! What goes around comes around u will all get urs in due time . @ the end , the player ends up been played.

    • Bazooka John

      June 5, 2012 at 5:04 am

      You ladies are arguing for the same thing as this guy, don’t hate him. Getting with the program is what it sounds like, you must want what your man wants. And the man must want what the woman wants, both must be true for a lasting relationship to work. I can relate to this, I just got dumped by a woman because she needed her space and needs more than the attention of one man only,, she wants to be free, without strings. Its not just men that want to be free, but yes. men are more inclined to seek multiple partners. its genetic. Getting with the program is simple, and it applies to everyone. People must understand that not everyone is looking to settle down. The whole article is about this! Sometimes it will hurt, so let go before it gets hard, and learn to spot when someone is leading you on. I was led on, and even though I had a feeling it wouldn’t work out in the end, it hurts having your heart strings pulled when you are giving someone a chance at your love. Please recognize that sometimes people just want sex, it can be mutual!

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