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BN Hot Topic: It’s the 29th of February! Ladies, Are You Proposing Today?

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Yay!
Today, na today, you no go escape, I go put you for corner, I’m ready for you!
~ lyrics by eLDee – remixed by Nolita

Not sure if I’ve shared this story on BN before, I remember a few years ago when I was in a serious relationship, an aunt came to visit and was asking the usual questions about when I was going to get married. My response, “When he proposes”.
She laughed and laughed then laughed some more.
My aunt then told me that I had to propose…African woman style.
That after dating a man for a reasonable period of time, if you believe he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, simply start planning the wedding! Dress, vendors, venue etc…Let him hear you making plans….
Then, tell him your father is expecting him and his people on a specific date and then take it from there.

I found it hilarious but apparently it works for some women!

According to folklore in various cultures, women can only propose to me during a Leap Year. In other culture, women are restricted to the 29th of February during that year.

Folklore aside, I do know a few women who actually proposed to their spouses in a romantic way! Candlelight, on bended knee, a ring…the whole Shebang!
Apparently, it takes a huge dose of boldness but it has worked for some.

What do you think? Would you propose. If you take the leap, how did things work out?

60 Comments

  1. sandra

    February 29, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Lol….prospose to a Man, well for me i don’t think is right the only thing i will do is if after sum yrs with a guy and he is not still saying anything and i know he is sum one i want, all i will do is release my self for another guy and if that one becomes serious i will tell him off finaly.

  2. Fashionista

    February 29, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Never!!!! He would never let you live it down!

  3. Nicole Blaze (@wetindey2day)

    February 29, 2012 at 10:06 am

    I am the first

    • moi

      February 29, 2012 at 2:00 pm

      welcome!!

    • fokasibe

      February 29, 2012 at 3:16 pm

      here, have a cookie!

    • Temi Dainty

      March 2, 2012 at 11:49 pm

      Lol!!!!

  4. anon

    February 29, 2012 at 10:08 am

    lol.thank God am married and yes i did not propose or chase. I feel the man should propose.
    By the way bellanaija did you mean ‘women can only propose to men during…..’ instead of ‘women can only propose to me during….’

  5. pynk

    February 29, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Not at all. If a man cannot come of his own free will, that woman will eventually pay the price. Many i got him to marry me stories almost never end well.

    • Bolanle

      February 29, 2012 at 3:25 pm

      I agree totally! guys at least 99% of the time want to chase the woman and not be chased! Its a guy thing and its full of pride, but it shows their masculinity, not that a woman has to force him into doing such. Let the men be the men and propose. if you’ve been with a man for so long an he still hasnt proposed maybe he just doesnt want to be with you that bad for the long term!

      women can be so desperate at times! *sigh*

  6. Jenny

    February 29, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Bwahahahahahaha. Mba nu. Once bitten, twice shy, this one nigga said I made him ask me out. I can’t live with that for the rest of my life.

  7. Nanatunde

    February 29, 2012 at 10:44 am

    arent we missing something here, if you have dated a guy long enough to consider marriage, shouldn’t it mean you can say/ask/discuss anything without feeling “less like the babe”.

    Dont get me wrong, am stench traditional advocate for ‘ the man must leave his father and mother’ (i.e. always make the first move) but once you both are in a relationship for a good while, marriage bit should be piece of cake.

    Like you said, i would simply start planning the wedding, he will either get with the picture or open his mouth and let me know whats up…girls we for look sharp!

    • Michael

      February 29, 2012 at 12:37 pm

      Its good that you pointed that out, but he must ask you and not you asking him. My name is Michael and I have this to say to ya, We – men – are not as full-proof as you think ‘cos when it comes to real affectionate love we become “babies” craving the warmth of a mother-like woman(girlfriend/fiance/wife) but on the outside we show our mature stunts. The truth is we show our soft sides we don’t mention it. but we are truly lovie dovies when its true love.

  8. faith

    February 29, 2012 at 10:48 am

    I can not do it….

    • UsaveOne

      February 29, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    • Socris

      February 29, 2012 at 6:02 pm

      She”s married, I’m sure she cant answer your question….. 🙂

  9. fade

    February 29, 2012 at 10:48 am

    It is not advisable for d woman to propose, what if he says no or gives an excuse about not being ready, d woman gets heartbroken for sure… Nay.

    • kiki

      February 29, 2012 at 11:03 am

      you will still be heart broken if after 7years of dating him and thinking all was going well he suddenly breaks up with you. either way u will still be hurt. so why waste such a long time with a guy.

  10. Asakeismyname

    February 29, 2012 at 10:56 am

    I would rather die single than propose to a man…. if he wants to marry you he would ask… Imagine your daughter asking you how daddy proposed and you would now have to say I forced daddy to marry me… NEVERS

    • tootie

      February 29, 2012 at 4:29 pm

      lol

  11. Personal Shopper

    February 29, 2012 at 11:01 am

    No wonder the status of my bb contacts is all about proposal…am so last in this thing!

    http://personalstuvs.blogspot.com

    • Berry Choco-Latte

      February 29, 2012 at 1:35 pm

      Me too! I was wondering why my friend’s status said “she went on one knee, and he said YES.”

      Fat chance it happens in real life. And there is NO WAY I will start planning the wedding without a proposal! Please o, I don’t need that kind of embarrassment in my life.

      http://ajebutternysc.blogspot.com

  12. Jatropha

    February 29, 2012 at 11:17 am

    The Author’s suggestion did said it all.Asking your long time guy to meet your parents on a said date is a subtle way to propose to a Man without loosing your pride.If he repeatedly excuses,He would have said the opposite and is time to move on.

    Our beautiful ladies on this platform should get straight.

  13. AMY

    February 29, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Heheheheheheh..like John Legend sang,‎​I can only give him the “greenlight”..but propose?Biko obaro uru..(Abeg,e no follow).

  14. A2Z

    February 29, 2012 at 11:51 am

    There is a way to go abt d proposal, d usual tactics. Pregnancy no ni

    • moi

      February 29, 2012 at 1:57 pm

      pregnancy bawo????…..e go shock u….not all guys fall for that ooo

  15. tee

    February 29, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Guys are human too.I am sure they are scared of rejection too. weather the man or woman proposes,if its meant to be, it would be. if both parties are sure, why does it matter who proposed. Pride# smh
    I think the main issue is don’t ask if you know the answer is going to be negative.
    I would rather ask than propose African woman style i.e contacting vendors and all, that’s like forcing the guy. if he backs out, money lost.
    its like girls saying they cant ask a guy out. Be there waiting, while he is going out with the girl next door. why seat and watch the man of your dreams get past you. its like buying a shoe. you just dont stand there and watch the shoe expecting it to come to you, you go and pick it up and take it home. if not, another girl will snatch it up the rack. lol

    • sugaplum

      February 29, 2012 at 3:41 pm

      Sweet heart, getting married to someone I hope to spend the rest of my life with is not like buying a shoe of a rack dear. it’s most definitely more serious than that. I personally like a guy that can take charge and generally be a man, and if he can’t be a man and propose to me, then he’s most probably not my kind of guy then. Good riddance……..

  16. Triangle

    February 29, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    I remember one marriage seminar i attended in my Church. The guest speaker told us ladies that once you hit 25 and the proposals aren’t coming. That if u’ve sighted a guy u like and think he may be the one, you should talk to God about him, then you should MOVE. Everyone burst into laughter and we asked him to explain what he means by MOVE, he said, he gave an analogy. For example you are a chorister and there’s this brother you’ve been eyeing and feel he’s the one for you. That you shud become friends with him, then one day during conversation, you shud casually say something like “I’ll like to marry a very good singer” or ” I’ve been praying for someone as articulate as you are” or “You fit the exact height of someone i’ll like to settle with”. That dropping those hints, the guys is filing them away subconsciously. That most times, when the guy finally decides to settle down, proposing to you won’t be a big deal cos he knows u’re cool with him. LOL.
    He gave us so many instances of ladies that tried this technique and are happily married today, including a woman in her 30’s. All i can say, this method can be used without outrightly proposing to the guy. Mind you, Pray about it first and go with the Spirit’s leading.

    • molarah

      February 29, 2012 at 1:21 pm

      Na wah for advice! Which one is subconsciously dropping hints again? Can you just let the man be a man and do the proposing himself? In case you didn’t realise this is one of the tests that shows how well he’ll be able to provide the leadership and direction for your future household. We women know ourselves – it would be so hard, after assuming the leader’s position in making the initial proposal for marriage to later return to the submissive post required by wives according to scripture. Concerning Triangle’s comment, all I can say is may God deliver us from ‘funny’ pastors and their even ‘funnier’ counsels.

  17. chioma OOOOOOOOOO

    February 29, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    funny! e fit work sha.

  18. Michael

    February 29, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    BN, are you a christian? Y/N. If N you need redeeming and if Y! OMG you need serious REDEEMING. How can anyone be stupid to propose to a man. Did we – men – say we can’t propose again, The word of GOD say ” he who finds a wife”; Proverbs 18:22 the bible also says: “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh”; Eph 5:31. The Bible did not say a woman will leave his father and mother. BN, you may or may not know what you’re causing by propagating this method but if its a joke Lol’s if its not you’re going to cause a lot of damage in the future.

    • onyx

      February 29, 2012 at 2:52 pm

      Michael, sharrap dia biko. Which one be “redeeming” again and even if she does, who the heck are you to decide she needs redemption? No be the same Jesus wey come redeem us (*side note – I’ve been nacking this pidgin anyhow these days, maybe its time for a home trip).

      And for your un-informed christian self, what do you think Ruth was doing in Boaz’s granary and room in Ruth 3:1-11? You think the man for notice her if she no carry herself come dey very “visible” to him? Biko siddon, read your bible again before you begin mis-yarn.

    • Onyinye

      February 29, 2012 at 3:55 pm

      LMAOOO that’s right!!!

    • Rose

      February 29, 2012 at 4:05 pm

      LOL I no fit laugh. Preach it sister. The whole point of this write up is no that women are to propose but that you strategically plce urself in a position wher you can be proposed to.

  19. MAMA PUT

    February 29, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Although, I would never propose, I’ll say this…Women dream of men ridng to them on a horse with a huge diamond ring to propose to us without us hinting. That is not the case,maybe in 1% of men. Personally, I think when it comes to matters like this, we must pray and we must help ourselves. If you know he is the one you want to settle with and you have been together long enough and things are going well. You can bring up the subject e.g. What are your plans for the near future? What are your intentions for this relationship? You can also put it on the table and say you are not looking to be a girlfriend forever. You are looking to be in a lasting relationship that will end up in marriage, are we on the same page? Let’s start preparing and praying towards that. He will get the message, he will either flee or propose.

    • Ann

      March 1, 2012 at 9:43 am

      From the comments i’ve been reading so far, i think you have put the nail on this issue. If you are with someone and you care and about him and you guys are in a long term relationship that you are sure will eventually lead to marriage, why not go straight to the point and talk about it? instead of beating about the bush with hints and all that. There’s no point. Ask him, discuss things and know where he stands so you too can know what next to do. you cannot afford to let your life pass you by.

  20. pinnacle

    February 29, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    @Michela BN didn’t say all the ladies should start proposing to guys.its a discussion saying can you or can you not propose.people choose what they want to do.BN is NOT propagating any method.please be open minded.

  21. Fashionista

    February 29, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    lool!!! haba Micheal, easy na……… but i get ur drift sha!!!! like i said earlier, NEVER!!!

  22. cassidy

    February 29, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    hahahahaha, how can propose to a guy? when there so many men in d world. if we’ve been dating for some years, and he thinks its not time to propose while am ready i will move on with my life. i can’t fit shout ooooo

  23. PD

    February 29, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    prospose ke…..he will ask me if i put juju 4 mouth……

  24. PD

    February 29, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    *propose…gbaguan!

  25. sassy diva

    February 29, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    well sorry make una no vex but the truth is ; I met a guy, he fell head over heels..mine wasn’t immediately but after a while and after removing all the dirty for my eyes and crying for monkey boy wey leave me – counting 6years now; i started to realize he is EVERYTHING i have always asked God for ; infact its too good to be true; eh when him they talk, him go say we for everything…we need to …we have to …we ought to…when are we…na so me self fall, so finally we find house, we travel, we see mama, family like us ..now we go soon marry ; more so i as am …you no go propose …boy code am come propose officially; I asked but the truth is nothing had to be said self cause we instinctively knew we were it; soooo whether GIRL ask or BOY ask, my sisters whatever works for you.

    Suffice to say; it was Tara who asked Fela to marry her; ladies please after dating for long, if you see say boy meet your specs, pls just ask him so you know what you are doing. Sometimes they are just too scared like one who told my friend he is thinking of children’s school fees and wants a better job before him go propose, she had to tell him make we do the wedding first, then i go get belle then after months pikin go come.

    So my ladies abeg …FEEL FREE TO ASK – DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP – BE SURE OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND AVOID HEARTBREAK…kpata kpata na NO …you move on…

    Make i go before una go course me

  26. cassidy

    February 29, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    hahahahaha, how can propose to a guy? when there so many men in d world. if we’ve been dating for some years, and he thinks its not time to propose while am ready i will move on with my life. i can’t fit shout ooooo

  27. Francesca

    February 29, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Haha! Call me old school but I’m not proposing today or in this lifetime.

    http://www.stylebycesca.blogspot.com

  28. Tonia

    February 29, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Lool… Me TONIA propose to a man? NEVER!!! By the way y will a gal hang around wit a buy who isnt bold enough to propose? If hes nt finacially bouyant atall hmm dats a different thing cos person like me i no ready for suffer. I meet my man and in less than 6mths he propose. i knew he ws serious bcos he always want to speck wit my mum wenever he called. so i had to fix my legs together. if he hadnt definately i wuld hv spread my tentacles.

  29. missoyi

    February 29, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    One may think there’s nothing wrong with a woman proposing to a guy. But ladies let’s not forget that men have something that can be HUGE: it’s called EGO or PRIDE! Even if you drop hints,he will be so proud to be the one to pop up the question and surprise his babe. And I guess even if the guy is really into you, he will feel somehow if you’re the one proposing, I mean…

  30. Didi

    February 29, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Think twice before you pop the question, if he isn’t committed enough to make the decision on your future together and pop the question, what makes you think he will be committed after the wedding?
    “Marriage is an indicator of commitment, not a cause of it”

  31. Vintage

    February 29, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    @ sassy diva. tara NEVER proposed to fela, she just noticed him 1st then complemented him,, e.g, something like i like ur shirt and that was how they got talkn. she was never pushy or fussy (cos dat sucks) anyway, i heard this from her, herself, as the Bible has defined standards, of a man “FINDING” a wife not d other way round, i cant fathom the woman proposing. in anycase, if u like a man use wisdom and greet or be urself around him, be nice too him but not fussy (it irritates him) and men only value wat they fight to get or work for (it boosts their ego) so dont try to help him, if not after u’r married he would value d girlfriend out there that shouts on him, use wisdom like ruth in the Bible, her good virtues made Boaz notice her and she was at the right place doing the right thing at the right time, she never even greeted him 1st, was just dilligent

  32. Naveah

    February 29, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    This propose to a man business works in Western cultures but abeg, Naija people and dis kain liberty can never be joined in any union. Okay, so after the woman proposes to the man, she go carry wine to meet him papa and mama, abi? You can’t do one and not the other just like a woman wouldn’t expect a man to do one and not the other! Or abi, she will now propose and then he picks up from there? This isn’t hinting at your man to help more around the house, this involves family, culture and tradition; all things that are not that easy to bypass in a society such as ours. I can just imagine people saying “see how Mr. Soremekun’s daughter asked Ade’s hand in marriage o, who be the man, who be the woman? E don bad reach wey woman go dey ask man to marry am?” In my opinion, this may not be embarassing for the liberated, daring woman BUT what about the consequences for her family?

    I consider myself a very open person but having said that I am a staunch believer in tradition when it comes to certain things and this is one of those things. Men are hunters, they like the feel of the chase and women like to be chased. I don’t believe in reversing those roles because I do believe that they are there for a reason, they are inbred in us. A woman can give a hint but if the man isn’t taking the bait, well sistergirlfriend, I think it’s time put Plan B in motion. My very sage father always told me if a man doesn’t begin hinting at the relationship leading to something permanent within 6months to a year of dating a lady, the woman should begin to ask very pointed questions and if the responses are not to her liking, she should begin to look for the exit sign. My husband proposed to me within 7 months of our meeting, we got married a year to the day we met and this na after I don waste 4 years on one bobo who even with all the goodness I showed him didn’t even hint at anything relating to a ring and license.

    Women see the signs that a man is not ready and might never be ready but they hang in there hoping that the man will change and come around in the meantime, their youth is circling the toilet bowl and their eggs are turning to dust. Women need to stop fearing the unknown and hanging onto the familiar even to their detriment.

  33. n enye

    February 29, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    nay 4me…….

  34. lola

    February 29, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    @ Onyx, u’re my kind of girl i love your reply to micheal,you too make sense joor,

  35. IVORY

    February 29, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    I waited forever to finally comment. Finally,it’s my turn*winks* Let us not be misled by what we perceive or see in movies,after all ,they are fictious. First,asking a man to marry you makes him think that you are closing in on him;men love to sort through their feelings for us ladies. The spirit of conquest is innately embedded in men,and they LOVE whatever they sweated to achieve. Have you asked yourself why men love sports? It’s because,they love using up the energies in them,same applies to everything in them….conquer to acquire!!!. A man who has the heart for you will only commit to you,that is through chasing after you(I mean that in the most romantic ways)to have you. So,ladies,don’t make the first move,that’ll only mean starting out on the WRONG foot.I’m sure you don’t wanna get hurt….

  36. lola

    February 29, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Naveah na which one concern the family concern say na their daughter propose, would she tell her family she proposed abi she publicly proposed and if the guy let it out that she proposed does he have any pride at all? am not down for women making proposals to men but there are ways of finding out if your relationship would be going to the next level without an outright proposal to the man, like you could have your mum send for him and tell him, Mother to your boyfriend : my dear i noticed you and my daughter have been to gether for a while, i want to know your intentions towards her?, i have a friend with a son interested in her but i need to be sure about your intentions towards her before i encourage or discourage his advances, please dont tell my daughter she’s not aware of this’ shikena if the guy is seriouse he’ll step up his game if his not seriouse he’ll take a walk, win win situation

    • Naveah

      February 29, 2012 at 4:57 pm

      You tink sey e no go come out one day one day? Okay, make we just agree to disagree on dat matter.

  37. juliet

    February 29, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    me i would not prose ohh

  38. paloma

    February 29, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    *signs* dis issue is turning sum pple 2 preacher oooo……………………………..
    well, in my opinion i cant.
    i have a guy dat jt wooed me though i like him so i accepted, d relationship is not up 2 one mth now he has started proposing, it really scares me coz its too early. wat did u think guys???????

  39. NUBIANWATERS

    February 29, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    Hilarious comments! lol!

    I strongly opine that ‘to do the chase’ remains the eternal calling of the man. Personally, the preservation of the feminine dignity remains paramount! To those who would want to make the most of this leap day….all the very best!!! *winks*

    http://nubianwaters.wordpress.com

  40. Des

    March 1, 2012 at 8:58 am

    I fit not propose to a man,but am all for dropping hints. My bf will gloat eternally if i do dat, He is yet to get over d fact dat i asked to be introduced to him afta 2yrs. Besides i like my man to always be in charge.

  41. toyin

    March 1, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    she asks, he asks, u drop hints, wateva works 4 U ABEG. Like I’m fond of saying each to his/her own, jst let d world be at peace. if ur husband taunts u bcos u proposed, be proud u made ur union happen. Traditionally men propose but even in bible times, there was at least 1 exception, ruth fearlessly expressed her desire to marry boaz, d shulamite maiden unabashedly declared her love 4 d sherperd. In some parts in Nigeria parents matchmake u & u have no say in d mata. Men of this days are mostly focused on amassing materials tins to boost their desirability, pity u mite not b d one he proposes 2 by d time he achieves his goal. most likely u wld have broken up by then becos he is wasting time in proposing to u. Wats stops u frm proposing. If u perceive ur guy’s ego will b bruised if u propose, then drop hints 2 let him know u wanna b his wife even if he don’t have his dream home, job or wateva is holding him back. If he genuinely loves u, he will rejoice at ur proposal. On the other hand their are guys who feel inadequate cos they are not as rich, brilliant, courageous as their babes, in such cases u would have to be elektra/cat woman or wateve female hero appeals 2 u, u have 2 put on dat sexy costume & kinky guts & propose 2 him. Abegi 2 can play d game. If he breaks ur hart, then he isa neva gonna wife u, Its gona hurt, no doubt, but beta u knw now, than 4 u 2 hang around 4eva hoping he will propose. My big brother who by d way is very traditional & strict told me when i was 18 dat if u find a guy u like, ask him out, no bigie. No woulda, shoulda, couldas pls, go for it ladies. Just pray about the whole thing, like Ruth let God be ur guide.

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