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The Shoppers Guide to Bagging a Man…Oops, I Mean the Dress of your Dreams!

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I always say choosing a man is like shopping for a dress.

You walk into a store that has rows and rows of clothes in every size, style, fabric and colour; each one sporting its own price tag, each one creating a unique interaction with your feelings.

There are those dresses that come in your favourite colour and have the right embellishments but don’t quite sit right so you take them to the tailor’s for adjustment. A tuck here, a reduction to the hemline there and viola- it’s perfect. Or you may decide that it is you who has to make the adjustment and loose a few pounds so you can fit into them. There are those you select, and then you see something else that you like better so you change your mind. There are those ones you really like, but they come at such a high price you can’t afford them. And there are the ones that look good on the rack but horrible when you take them home.

But if you take your time and look well, there’s always that dress in the store that is meant for you. That one that you think to yourself after you’ve snagged it: “what a find!”, because it looks right, fits right and FEELS right! You know it is made for you because, after years of shopping you’ve discovered what works for you and what doesn’t. You know what makes people turn and stare with envy when you wear it and what leaves you unnoticed when you’re in it. And with the wisdom gleaned from previous wardrobe accidents, your practiced instincts easily recognise what fits your shape, matches your emotional disposition and accentuates your gifts. At this point you’re a buyer who knows what you want. You know what fits you.

So what if you know an item in a store is your size but he (sorry it) doesn’t notice you, would you go for it? Why not? If it gives a perfect fit, and is hanging idly and unclaimed in that store paying you none to minimal attention, then get into its face…sorry I mean space!

“If it’s yours it will come to you.”

That’s true but ain’t nothing wrong with helping it along! If you like it then you might want to show some interest and shine some teeth! A word of caution though. Slow and subtle wins the race here because you don’t want the dress to know your intentions prematurely (might ruin the negotiation!).The first commandment is don’t get caught trying. The second commandment is don’t take another sistas dress.

I should warn you too that there’s the kind of dress to pass up on. Those stiff- necked and stuffy ones, all starched up and aloof. So emotionally wound up tight that the coyest smile would freeze up and fall flat in thin air before it got through! There’s also the slacked dress. If you have a taste for them you probably always find yourself stuck between the friend zone and the promised land of romantic bliss. It’s a yo-yo relationship.

One more thing, an experienced shopper goes for the best guy; oops I mean the best buy at the right price. Neither overrated and pricey nor undervalued and cheap! But while an experienced shopper has a knack for picking the dress that makes her look like a million dollars in it, it is an expert shopper who makes everyone think she never had an eye on it in the first place!

So you see, it’s the same science really, whether you’re shopping for a man or a dress!

Photo Credit: http://mymajicdc.com

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Omonike Odi is a freelance writer and a media content provider on all media platforms. Read more from her on her blog at http://omonaikee.blogspot.com or follow her on twitter for daily inspirational quotes at https://twitter.com/omonaikee or contact her –[email protected]

Omonaikee creates media content on print, online, tv, radio, social media and for events. Her work has been published in Cosmo, Bella Naija, Ynaija, Imbue Magazine, Metropole, +234Next magazine and True love west Africa. She blogs at www.omonaikee.blogspot.com.

49 Comments

  1. cathy

    February 17, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    hahahahahahaha very informative…….ooops i mean about the dress

  2. Still

    February 17, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Same idea really*** what about those clothes that you try on but you don’t quite feel it fits, but your friends say its a perfect fit… n You look into the mirror, but you don’t like it… To buy or not?
    D ones on sale nko , further reduction + student discount?

    • Larmmie

      February 28, 2012 at 5:39 pm

      Lol that’s hilarious but very true…and like it’s said “2heads are better than one” so one мight want to take 2 friend’s advice lol

    • Zikora

      March 4, 2012 at 4:59 am

      LOL, there are friends that know that you have being lookig and are just tired of following to the mall. so they tell why the dress you never thought fits fits. they look at at this way, or if you wear it this way. what about if you get it with this bag. lol. But you know you don’t like it but you take it anyways because you don’t want to hear you are too picky. love this article

  3. onyx

    February 17, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    I’m not going to comment on the whole allegory to getting a man but will remark on the ACTUAL shopping for a dress… I completley know what you mean!! There’s this absolutely priceless feeling I get when I’m in a store, there’s a baaaadddd ass sale going on and I find THAT dress/top/pair of shoes. Chei, see me smiling all the way to the till and holding my breath while the shop assistant takes off the 70% discount. What joy!!

    Although… come to think of it, that must be very similar to the feeling of finding the right “one”. Okay so I lied… ended up commenting on the man-matter 🙂

  4. ena

    February 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    “One more thing, an experienced shopper goes for the best guy; oops I mean the best buy at the right price. Neither overrated and pricey nor undervalued and cheap”….talk!

    • whoa

      February 20, 2012 at 1:38 am

      word!!

  5. NIno

    February 17, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    I like…

  6. Eny

    February 17, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Loving the comparism!

  7. lily

    February 17, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    nice writing strategy…luv d concept

  8. Kem

    February 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Nice write up! got the theme and lesson

  9. Bad Comparism

    February 17, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Writer, if you are sincere about shopping, that is fine but if you referring to men, i think you need to go to God for forgiveness. You dare compare someone made in God’s image to a cloth/dress?

    Saw in the archive too an article about kissing frogs. What baffles me is that despite the fact that we complain so much about men, we cant still do without them and we crave for one in our innermost heart.

    The inabiity to make up your mind about a man is what keep most ladies single till old age. There is an adage that says anyone who chases two rats will eventually lose both of them.

    Do you know that men change? Have you realized that a man who has been on you for a while can suddenly stop calling you despite the fact that he has professed loving you and all? Everything is timing. If he loves you all through and you can’t make up your mind or still playing hard to get, it gets to a time that someone out there shows some love and care and his heart slowly tilts away from you.

    This is why there are problems in relationships-one is on hold, you meet another one you are considering and you get stuck in between. Younger girls can keep shopping but a wise individual knows that except the tailor takes your measurement, no slim fit can be perfect on you. Sometimes, the tailor even commits a lot of blunder despite the fact that he/she took your measurement.

    Good luck to those shopping!

    • annie

      February 17, 2012 at 4:24 pm

      You need to get the giant tree trunk stuck up your backside out…& lighten up just a teeny, tiny little bit. Life is surprisingly very short. Smile!

    • sweetie

      February 18, 2012 at 4:36 am

      Hian na wa….chill abeg and have a cookie.

    • PD

      February 20, 2012 at 11:06 am

      go sleep abeg!!!

    • lustre

      February 21, 2012 at 1:40 pm

      pls take it easy. ur not friends with humour that sends a key message i guess. Ah ah!what fanatism?

    • Anti-bad comparison

      March 1, 2012 at 3:54 pm

      What ever happened to the word ‘analogy’? or havent you ever heard of it? please be informed…

  10. ifyoma

    February 17, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    chuckle : )

  11. Personal Shopper

    February 17, 2012 at 4:03 pm

  12. lol

    February 17, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    bad comparism i see u didnt do engliah literature to fully understand and appreciate a writing style, this is to paint a picture boo not that shes comparing men with cloths…get d pic? smh

  13. Moxexy16

    February 17, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Bad Comparism, please go back to jss1 and be serious with ur literature in English, u are suffering from chronic English deficiency syndrome(EDS)which if not treated on time could cause grave embarrasment. Thumbs up to d writer as this is a very deep figurative and figure of speech embeded write up, which is not for d fish heads/yam heads bt for great intellectual minds and for those of u still shopping i wish u , oh sorry best of luck.**iamstillreelingwivlaughterolodo****

  14. Bad Comparism

    February 17, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    @ Annie, lol and Moxexy 16,

    I know what i mean, stop being a nuisance here. Babes like calling guys/men names and you know it. You have different names you stored their contacts with on your phone. When ladies meet to discuss and gist, you know how you name them and tag them so stop being so ridiculous-cockroach, frog, big head, fool, e.t.c

    • Annie

      February 17, 2012 at 11:23 pm

      *smh* utterly pointless, clearly.

  15. I found my perfect dress

    February 17, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    Good work Nike, it was funny and to the point.have fun shopping
    @bad comparison – lighten up Bro! Yes some girls call men names so what? We pick and choose true again. That is life- you just keep fishing sorry shopping till you find your own that fits you perfectly

  16. Oma

    February 17, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Very intellectual and interesting writeup. i would definitely love to read more of your work.
    http://lifethroughomaseyes.blogspot.com

  17. molarah

    February 17, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    No, the comparism is way off. What a weird article. I can imagine the reaction of the same commenters ‘lol’ing here if a guy thought to write the same article about us. People (yes, even men) are people, things are things. Any woman who sees the slightest comparison with the cute but trend-dependent articles in her wardrobe and the human man in her life simply needs help #justsaying.

    • Bad Comparism

      February 18, 2012 at 8:28 am

      Molarah, thanks for seeing it this way
      see my reply up there to Annie, lol and Moxexy 16
      love you

  18. adah

    February 18, 2012 at 1:56 am

    lol

  19. missA

    February 18, 2012 at 10:27 am

    there’s also that dress that was never in any of the shops you were in, someone else gets it, and u fall in love with it, you beg, plead and offer to pay double the amount just to have it, and yes it fits like it was made with you in mad. it turns heads as well. happily ever after.

  20. Bliss

    February 18, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Not 2 be a Debbie Downer or anything, but the writer is very boisterous and you can tell from her writing. However, there’s no new information or insight. The article is like Indomie, tastes good but there’s no nutritional value.

  21. awe

    February 21, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    nice article i totally relate to this. @ bad comparism and co! i get what you mean but have you not noticed that the most difficult decisions ladies make are revolves around what to wear and who to date and almost the same principles apply. being open minded helps keep us in perspective. and for u who says there’s no nutritional value., think again.
    1. in relationships we have to make adjustments!
    2. not everything that looks good on the rack will fit you
    3. because your friends think someone’s okay does not mean they are for you.
    4. when you fine the right man you’ll be satisfied…….
    and so on….*wink*wink*

  22. lustre

    February 21, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    honestly this article gave me a food for thot

  23. swagga mama

    February 21, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    i really enjoyed the article. beautful write up. shoppers keep shopping. experienced shoppers still make mistakes . Reference- how do i look ?.

  24. Naveah

    February 21, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    if only it were that easy, men have the presence of mind and speech, clothing don’t lol

  25. oyin

    February 21, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    I totally relate with the article, I dont sleep when I see a dress or shoes that I like, I can go to the mall 5times and sit in the shop just to keep an eye on it (especially when I dont have money to buy), and when my friends encourage me to buy a dress I dont feel or like I end up giving it out.
    @ bad comparism I wont blame you for your point of view, but you cant force us to think you are right and we must see reasons with you.
    Everybody gat to believe what they gat to believe.

  26. lola

    February 22, 2012 at 10:22 am

    I totally loved the article and its message, have u ever been to an igbo man’s store to shop and u see a gown that catches your eyes and u totally want it , but you act coy because to let the seller know your desperation to buy the dress is to have him jackup the price, u act disinterested and u have the seller practically beg you to buy it you try it on u act unsure and tell him you could only buy it if it was so so so price since you really dont want it, #liar# u’re dieing to take home the dress! then he finally agrees to your price after seeming to convince you to take the dress, you go home and dance in front of your mirror cos u got THE dress at a reasonable amount, frankly its the same way with men, he asks u out even though you’re dieing to say yes, u act unsure and a little uninterested? then he intensifies his pursuit, u act like if he really tries harder you might fall then finally you tell him a yes but! its a trial period his sooo grateful, u go home and you’re grining from ear to ear becos u got what you wanted but u made him do all the work ;), at bad comparism and co even Jesus used such comparisms in the bible, ofcos he was sometimes criticized by the pharasees, go figure!

  27. Omalichanwa

    February 24, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Am really lmao…this is so on point n helps 2 liven up ones mood…sowi 4 dose dat dnt c it dat way

  28. Purpleicious Babe

    February 27, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    Clearly I live in a different world from most women or should I say BN commentators.. more like I have a different mindset and I see things differently.

    I think I will reserve my innermost comment. oh yes, this article is not applicable to anyone or to men in general. Why: nothing is guaranteed in this life(apart from God’sgrace)…so u supposedly found the perfect DRESS and its got stolen or got damaged. If its damage you might go back and return and if lucky/company policy u might get ur money back. So then use the dress analogy and supposedly find a dude that is right for u and he happens to have had an accident as a result damaged, will you return him back and you have said yes to for better for worse/till death to us part?? Except if those words were meaningless??
    I am guessing if you love the dress so much you will be looking to amend it but in actual fact you can always get a replacement right and when you are bored of tending to its damaging needs you can send it off to charity or dash someone.. so in a case of a dude I guess it cant be that straight forwards cos he is human and has feelings… dress is a thing…

    Obviously there is a clear target audience this article appeals to.

    http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.com/

    • anonymous

      March 15, 2012 at 7:44 pm

      this article is only giving women insights into how they make decisions and how to make expert decisions. Most women are indecisive you know? Anyways, it is still about “shopping” i.e the dating process and not about marriage.
      My own opinion on the article: Not all women are crazy about shopping and finding the right dress/shoes and all, so find what you’re crazy about(could be house, job) and help yourself make expert decisions in that area and hopefully it will influence your decision of finding the right man.
      PS: I believe God knows best and he will give us the best man for us at the right time but we forget that God has also given us free will and some people may not recognise this “best man” while others may just have to willing and prepared to recieve him.

    • Teris

      April 1, 2012 at 10:17 am

      you’re over-analyzing the analogy babe.
      if you work within the confines of me-see-Dress, the Dress – it fits, me-buy-Dress… (notice how i capitalized Dress) then u’ll be fine. ditto BadComparison &c.

  29. Larmmie

    February 28, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    Best thing i’ve read in α long while…thumbs up to the writer,keep it up!

  30. wemimo

    March 1, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    got to go shopping…

  31. Arewa

    March 3, 2012 at 2:23 am

    My mama always said “if you don’t have anything nice to say, shut up!” I guess that’s why we argue 🙂 For the sake of the author, I think it’s important to commend her courage for writing and having it published, but, to also state that this was not a particularly well written piece. To be honest… It was very elementary and suitable to a personal diary account. Comparing a man to anything is all well and good… but comparing “the one” to a dress???? is just preposterous…lol Lord knows I cheat on my favorite dresses every week. Let’s not even get into the severe case of buyer’s remorse that most girls can identify with, I return every other dress I buy, whether it fits or not… budgets matter, return policies, matter… can I return my husband for a price adjustment if his value goes down? I think not!!! Before you secondary school strong-head babes attack, I’m not taking the analogy too seriously, but even as a comedic piece, this writer’s skills needs work. Omonike, always think to yourself… “Would this ever be published in Marie-claire? or any other self respecting media source?” If your answer is no? Get back to the drawing board.

  32. ibukun

    March 7, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    very self explanatory and straight to the point write up…thumbs up.

  33. Sandy

    March 26, 2012 at 5:12 am

    from my experience i would say it depends on the friends. ask urself are dey frends dat wish u well? cos somtimes u tink it doesnt fit u cos u are tinkin in d box as regards ur experience from ur past shopping so somtimes frends are right. Atleast my friends were right.

  34. newbie

    March 28, 2012 at 2:35 am

    And then there’s that friend you go shopping with for that all-important second opinion;youfind what you believe is your dream dress, rush to the fitting room, get into the dress and give it a twirl….. Your friend says no, no good….only for her to turn around the next day, sneakily head for the shop and purchase the darn dress for herself!

  35. ejiro

    March 28, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    No beef @all o,its a nice article but in d real world,men are streetwise;perfect dresses aint.asta la vista baby

  36. Kenny

    April 7, 2012 at 7:08 am

    I carry yansh for una, nothing una no go take describe men this on don comeith her own she say men be like cloths when them go buy for mall. You go try am if e fit if no fit hse say you do adjustment or she say some clothes already dey when go fit as such u no need to do adjustment really!!!!!! me i no noooooo. As una dey shine una eyes men they shine their eyes toooo

  37. Kenny

    April 7, 2012 at 7:13 am

    I carry yansh for una, nothing una no go take describe men this one don come with her own she say men be like clothes u dey go buy for mall. You go try am if the clothe fit and if e no fit she say you go do adjustment. She say if you shine your eyes very well some clothes dey when you no need to do adjustment really!!!! are you serious me i no no ooooooo. Women una get time sha make una no go find work do

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