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The Breaking Point! When Should You Leave?



Two weeks ago, I had my usual catch-up sessions with my girlfriends and this topic came up. Just a few days ago, a website surfaced with “a letter from the grave” –
A lady named Ogo who passed away on the 27th of February 2012 had shared details of her struggles at home with someone close to her and the person has now published Ogo’s story online.

Along the same lines, on the 29th of February 2012, Nigerian actress and blogger, Stella Damasus published a personal account of her experience at a close friend’s funeral via PMNews and the struggles her friend went through in her marriage up until “her husband killed her”.

This is a very long post but definitely worth the read.

Why do women and men stay in abusive relationships? Why do many pastors, family and friends advice women/men to stay in toxic relationships. We have heard about or even experienced numerous cases of domestic violence, sexual abuse (of their partner or in some cases, children) and emotional abuse, yet, women/men are advised to stay in the relationships.
We are not saying that every squabble should lead to divorce but as we see in Ogo and Stella’s friend’s case, many women and men are experiencing extreme torment in their relationships. Nigerian musician Kefee remarried in March 2012; a large number of commenters chastised her for leaving her first abusive marriage which according to divorce documents (though allegations were denied by her ex-husband). It seems as though our society preaches “till death do you part…even if the one who is supposed to love and protect is the one who kills you”

Ogochuckwu Onuchukwu’s Story
My mum is crying. I can see her from here. She has aged since the last time I saw her.

Why does she look so old and why is she so thin? Can someone console her? Can someone make her stop crying?

I try to get up but I can’t. I try to reach for her, but I’m stuck where I am. It is very dark in here, and very cold, so very cold.

What am I doing here? Where is everybody? Where are my children? I begin to panic, to struggle; I want to get out of this dark room.

I can hear Uzo calling. She’s calling my name. Then, I see mum again. And I hear Uzo again. I don’t see my children. Where are my children? I can’t see beyond the walls of this dark and cold room.

Uzo calls again.

She sounds desperate to rouse me from my sleep. I am struggling to wake but I can’t. I open my eyes and they shut of their own accord.
I am powerless to keep them from shutting. And I find as soon as I stop struggling, my sleep becomes sweet repose. Suddenly I don’t want to wake from it just yet. It is peaceful.

I see mum again, and I see Uzo. Uzo keeps calling. She won’t stop calling. She is crying too, just like mum.

Can someone bring Kamsi and Amanda to me? Can someone bring my babies to me? I need to hug them, Kamsi, especially. Is he crying too and calling out for me?
Does he understand that I am gone? Kamsi will miss me.

He is a special child, you know; Kamsiyochukwu – my son and my first child.

I prayed and longed for his birth. He was the blessing from above that would seal Kevin’s love for me and give me some footing in his home and some acceptance from his family.

Before Kamsi, I was a nobody in Kevin’s home. I was born the last of nine children, the baby of the family. I was used to love and affection. I was everyone’s baby. I grew up knowing that everyone had my back, I grew up knowing the safety and security of being the baby of the home. You may then understand my shock when I stepped out of my home and into new territory with the man of my dreams only to find that I was really not as special as I had been made to believe. I look back to that day when Kevin took me home to introduce me to my new family. The cold and rude shock of the welcome his brother’s wife gave me set off an alarm in my head.

These people didn’t think I was special. In fact, her first words were, ”Kevin, ebe kwa ka isi dute nka?” (Kevin, “Where on earth did you bring this one from?) That would be the first time I would be addressed as “this one” and from then on, I grappled with the realization that I was not welcome in my new home.

I remember my first Christmas at Ihiala as a new bride. My brother-in-law’s wife would sneer and clap and refer to me as “Ndi ji ukwu azo akwu” (the people who process palm fruits with their bare feet). I knew she meant my impoverished home town of Nsukka. She would sing to me all day long telling me the only reason why their brother married me was because of my beauty and complexion.

Now, I lie here and I wonder if I was in my right mind to ignore the several other alarms over my 12- year union with Kevin.

I had to ignore them, I told myself. I had already taken my vows to be with Kevin until death did us part.

They never really wanted me, I can now see. But I was too blinded by love to realize that. I needed to do something to cement Kevin’s heart with mine. I needed to remain Kevin’s wife and to prove to the world that indeed Love would conquer all.

When after one year of marriage there were still no children, the painful journey that sent me to my grave started. I went from specialist to specialist, ingested every kind of pill that promised to boost my fertility. As my desperation grew, so did pressure from Kevin’s family. My horror-movie life story started playing out; the horror-movie life that has sent me to an early and cold grave from where I write this letter to my husband.

My sweet Kevin,

We started to fight over little things. The fights were worse after you visited home or attended any of your numerous family meetings. You came home one evening and asked me to move out of the bedroom we both shared and into the guestroom downstairs. The next time you returned from the meeting, you tied me up with a rope and used your belt on me. No one heard my screams.

I remember when you told me that your family had asked you to remarry. You showed me documents of all your numerous landed property including the house we lived in. Your brother was listed as next of kin. When I asked you about it, your answer rocked the ground I was standing on. You said, “What have you to show that entitles you to any stake in this household?” You were referring to my barreness.

It is funny how to my family and friends, I was the beautiful and loving Ogo, whilst to you and your family I was a worthless piece of rag. You called me barren. I could have fled but your love and acceptance was of more worth to me than the love and admiration of the world outside our home. I desperately sought to be loved by you, Kevin.
In your family’s presence I felt unworthy, unloved and unwanted. Yet, I stayed on. I would make you love me one way or the other and I knew that one sure way would
be to produce a child, an heir for you. That was the most important thing to you.

I began the numerous procedures, painful procedures, including surgery. I gave myself daily shots. At some point the needles could no longer pierce my skin. My skin had toughened to the piercing pain of needles.

After seven years of marriage, our prayers were answered. God blessed us with our son Kamsiyochukwu, which means ‘’Just as I asked of the Lord’’. God had intervened and miracles were about to start happening because for the first time in seven years, my mother-in-law called me. Finally I was home. I had been accepted. I was now a woman, a wife and a mother. Finally there was peace. Kamsi will be four in November.

The miracles stayed with me because 18 months later through another procedure, Chimamanda was born. Her birth was bitter sweet for me. Sweet because you Kevin, my husband, and my in-laws would love me more for bearing a second child, but bitter because this particular birth almost cost me my life. The doctors had become very concerned. You see, I had developed too many complications from all the different procedures I had undergone in the journey to have children and these were beginning to get in the way of normal everyday living. I developed conditions that had almost become life threatening. So the doctors sent me off with my new bundle of joy and with a stern warning not to try for another child as I may not be so lucky.

I chuckled, almost gleefully. Why would I want to try for a third child? God had given me a boy and a girl, what more could I ask for. I was only ever so thankful to God.
Kevin, you and I gave numerous and very generous donations to different churches in thanksgiving to God. All was well. I was happy and fulfilled. Kevin, you loved me again. Your family accepted me. Life was good. And all was quiet again. …………………… For a while.

Then fate struck me a blow. As if to remind me that my stay in your house was temporary and was never really going to be peaceful, Kamsi – our son, our first fruit, my pride and joy and the child that gave me a place in my husband’s home, began to show signs of slowed development; the visits to the doctors resumed, this time on account of Kamsi.
We started seeing therapists. After we’d been from one doctor to another I decided I had to resort to prayer. I was frightened. I was terrified. I was
threatened. I started to feel unwell. I had difficulty breathing. I needed to see my doctors, Kamsi too. He wasn’t doing too well either. He had difficulty
with his speech. He was slow to comprehend things. I did not know for sure what was wrong with him but I knew all was not well. Not with him and not with me. We
were denied visas to the USA because we had overstayed on our last trip on account of Kamsi’s treatments. So whilst we waited for a lawyer to help us clear
up the immigration issues with America, I applied for a UK visa and sought help in London. But by then, trouble had reared its head at home, again.

Kevin, you had again become very impatient with me. My fears were fully alive again. The battles it seemed I had won were again in full rage. My husband, in your
irritable impatience and anger, you told me to my face that our son, my Kamsi, was worthless to you. You said he was abnormal. You said that our daughter, my
Amanda, was a girl and that you had no need for a girl child because she would someday be married off. I remember, in pain, that you didn’t attend Amanda’s
christening because you were upset with me. You told me your mother was more important to you than “THESE THINGS” I brought to your house. You were referring
to our children, were you not? “THESE THINGS”.

My heart bled. I wept bitterly. Then I quickly calmed my fears by telling myself that you were under a lot of stress at work and that you were also probably reacting to all the money that you had spent on my treatments. Surely, all that was getting to you? Even when you threatened me with a knife, twice you did that, I still felt unworthy of you and very deserving of your hatred. Even when you would say: “I will kill you and nothing will happen because you have no one to fight for you”, I kept on struggling to get you to love me because, Kevin, your validation was important to me

You had refused to give me money for my medical trip to London. I knew then it was because you had your hands full with caring and catering for everybody who was dear to you. Your finances were stretched. I thought then that in time you would come around.

My health continued to get worse. Eventually, I made it to London. After extensive consultations and tests, I was given a definitive diagnosis. My condition was life threatening. It was from this time, when it was clear that I required surgery to save me life that I came face to face with a different kind of war from our home.

Kevin, you stopped speaking with me. I was in pain, in anguish and in tears. I didn’t understand what was happening. I had stayed three weeks in London and Kevin, you never called, sent a text or inquired how I was faring. You stopped taking my calls. Instead I got a call from my cousin in whose care I had left my children. She was frantic with worry because there was no food in the house for the children to eat;
Kevin you had refused to provide food for our children. Kevin, you had also refused to pay for Kamsi’s home schooling.

Then Kevin, I received that e-mail from you. The only communication from you for the entire period I was in London.
Do you remember?
It was an angry email. You berated me for putting your integrity at stake at your work place. Apparently your employers had called a hospital in London to inquire about me and were told that no one by my name was ever their patient. I later found out that you had given the wrong hospital name to your employers. Do you remember, Kevin?

For the first time in my 12 year marriage, the alarm bells in my head began to sound real. For the first time in 12 years, I felt real anger stir up in my heart. Kevin, I was angry because you paid no heed to the hospital where your wife was at in London. You had no clue and cared little about what I was going through. Yet you would
berate me for putting your INTEGRITY at work at stake. Your integrity was your primary concern, not my health.

Then it hit me! All these years I was trying to be all I could be for you, Kevin, to make you happy, to please you, Kevin, ……… you actually hated me. You didn’t want me in your life. The signs were all there. Your family had showed me from day one that they didn’t want me. I was the object of a hatred that I could not explain. I
couldn’t understand why.

Then I saw the hand writing on the wall, all those many things that went on. You even sold my car whilst I was still lying on a hospital bed in London, with no word to me. I was not to learn of what you had done until I returned to Nigeria. The doctors had allowed me to return to prepare for surgery.

Kevin, do you remember that on my return I gave you a pair of shoes I had bought for you? Kevin, my husband, do you remember hurling those shoes at me? Kevin, do you remember me breaking down in tears? Kevin, do you remember me asking you that night, many times over, why you hated me so much, what I had done to make you hate me as much as you did?

“You are disturbing me, and if you continue, I`ll move out and inform the company that I no longer live in the house. Then they will come and drive you away”. Kevin, my husband, that was your response to me. Did you know then I only had days to live?
Is that why you told me that would be the last time I would see you physically? Did you know it would only be a few more hours?

I still had a surgery to go through. Kevin, since you wanted no part in it, I had contacted the medical officer in your company directly for referrals. I left Eket for Lagos on
Saturday. That same day I consulted with the specialist surgeon and surgery was scheduled for Monday morning.

In those final hours, as I prepared for my surgery, I was alone, my spirit was broken. I had lost all the fight in me. Kevin, I knew that nothing I did or said would turn you heart toward me, and I had nobody for whom you had any regards who would speak up for me.

In those final hours, Kevin, I called you. This was Sunday morning, less than 24 hours to my death. Do you remember, Kevin? I called you to share what the specialist surgeon had said. I was still shaking from your screams on the phone when I got in here. You did not want me to bother you, you screamed. I should go to my brothers and sisters, you screamed. I should pay you back all the money you gave me for my treatment in London, you screamed. Kevin, did you know that would be my last conversation with you? My last conversation with you, my husband, my love, my life, ended with you banging the phone on me.

Recalling the abusive words, the spitting, the beating, the bruising, the knifing, and the promise that I would not live long for daring to forget to buy garden eggs for your mother, an insult you vowed I would pay for with my life ……., I knew then it was over for me. There was no rationalizing needed any longer. Even the blind could see ………. You did not want me in your life.

I went in for surgery on Monday morning, February 27, 2012, and after battling for several hours, I yielded my spirit.

Kevin, my husband, I lived my promise to God. The promise I made on the day I wedded you.

For better ………………………… For worse
For richer …………………………. For poorer
In Sickness ………………………. And in health
To love ………………………….. And to cherish


And it has.

NOW I AM DEAD!!!!!!!

Just as your mum predicted ….. Her cold words follow me to morgue. She swore to me that I would leave her son’s house dead or alive. I couldn’t leave whilst I still breathed. It had to be through death, and death it has become.

Kevin, you are FREE! And, so am I.

Your freedom is temporary. Mine is eternal.

Whilst you still have freedom, remember Kamsi and Chimamanda.

Lovingly yours until death,

I am gone. Gone forever. But if one woman, just one woman will learn from my story, then maybe I would not have gone in vain.

My heart weeps for my children, my mummy, my sisters and my brothers, my extended family. These ones, I was a gift to. These ones, they loved me. These ones, they wanted me. These ones, they needed me. These ones, they wish I had spoken out earlier.


Stella Damasus: When Is It Enough?
It was 8 o’clock that morning and I was already dressed in my black dress, black shoes and no make-up, with my brushed hair in a pony tail. I was heading to Yaba for a friend’s funeral.

She was 35 and beautiful, a mother of two beautiful children. I really did not want to go because I was not sure of how I was going to react. I was not sure if I could pull myself together.

Anyway, I got to the church and it was filled with people who knew her and who had heard of her. As I approached the church, I was already battling with the huge lump in my throat, making sure that I could at least sit through the service. I managed to get inside, and then the ushers took me up-front to sit with the family. I saw her mother and siblings who were weeping uncontrollably, so I tried to console them while battling with that same lump in my throat. I did all I could until the kids walked into the church with the nanny. Oh my goodness, now that lump has melted into liquid, the flood gates were flung open and the tears started gushing out. It was not a very pleasant sight as the choir leader could not continue the song.

This is to give you an insight into the kind of person my friend was and the life she lived.

She was extremely intelligent, kind, simple and most of all was in love with God and His word.
Well, as I tried to calm down, he walked in —THE HUSBAND.

I am sure by now you are thinking I would run to console him since I was very close to her and he knew me. Instead, I stood up and walked to the other side of the church and sat down. That was when I knew how much respect I had for the church and the dead.

If I could, I would have locked him up in the coffin so he could go with her; after all, he put her there in the first place.
We had all begged, prayed, complained, reported, and fought, just to get him to stop beating her. I was tired of seeing the black eye, the swollen face, the bruised arms and the constant headaches. It was so bad that I had to tell him that one day he would do something really bad to his wife and end up behind bars. Little did I know that the day in question was fast approaching.

He had beaten her so much for sending her own money to her mother without telling him, and when she tried to protect herself by pushing him off her, he got infuriated and hit her head on the wall.

This time no black eye, no bruise to worry about, she just did not wake up.

When her sister called me in the middle of the night, I was not sure whether to cry or get angry or scream. My whole body was shaking and all I could say was “no… no… no… please God, no, no, no… please”.
I started to feel guilty, “maybe I should have moved her out of there” but then again who am I to move her out of her husband’s house when she herself refused to move. It really hurt, so much that even as I am writing this I am still crying.
The case was taken to court and was dismissed, because according to the courts the evidence was not enough, and so he was discharged and acquitted.

In a country where an accurate autopsy cannot be carried out, let alone thoroughly investigate a crime, what do you expect?
She is dead and gone but the killer is walking free, and as usual, he has custody of the children whom he has passed on to his new wife.

My heart has been bleeding ever since because I know that this is happening to so many women. Some are still alive today to tell their stories, some are afraid to cry out for help; some cover up when they are asked questions about their black eye; some believe that there is no justice for the abused woman because other cases they have heard of, have always favoured the man, and lastly, some are no longer alive to speak up.

As sad as this is, it is still happening even as I write.
Now it has progressed to acid baths, body mutilation, and other unthinkable things.
In anger, I stormed to the church we all attended and demanded to see the head pastor. When he came out, I screamed and yelled and people came into the church to hold me down. Please, do not think I disrespect men of God. Oh, far from it, in fact I respect them so much because without some of them who have mentored me, I would not be the person I am today.

Truth of the matter is, my late friend’s sister told me that a few days before she died, she had gone to meet the pastor in fear because she had another fight with her husband who told her that he was ready to kill her and nothing would happen to him. He kept saying in pidgin English: “na naija we dey o and when you die your dead body no go come prove to the court say na me kill you”.

My late friend then called her sister to tell her what had happened and that she was going to see the pastor.
I asked her sister: “Why pastor? Why not police?”
The sister laughed and said: “Do you know how many times she tried that? The policeman she met on duty laughed and said, ‘madam na domestic matter be dis abeg, husband and wife must fight, go beg your husband’ ”.
When her husband found out, he laughed and asked if she thought she was in America, then he beat her some more for even attempting.

So, she went to the pastor and told him everything again because that was not the first time she went to him to complain and ask for help. As usual the pastor said: “My daughter, there is nothing God cannot do. Please, prayer is what you need. Keep praying to God to touch his heart, he will not kill you and he will not harm you. Go back home and maintain peace, please; remember that God hates divorce so you cannot leave your home and children”. She left there feeling so dejected and scared, and so she called her sister and told her what the pastor had said.

I tried to think about what could have been going on in her head everyday of her life, thinking that there is no SAFE HAVEN. The man who swore to love and protect you is the one who is killing you; the parents who gave you to him in marriage will tell you not to leave your home because it is not a family trait and it will bring shame upon the family. You are too ashamed to even let people know you are going through domestic violence for fear of being stigmatized; you are not protected by law enforcement agents nor the law because some of them do the same thing to their wives; then the only place which is the house of God also tells you to go back to the place where you are being destroyed.

My heart broke and that was when I wept the most, because no one knows what she could have gone through alone.
So, I looked at this pastor and said ‘I hope you are happy now, I hope you are satisfied that she listened to you and got killed in the process’.

I am not saying I support separation or women running out of their homes, but I insist that there must be temporary measures to take the woman to a safe place until things can be resolved. She has to, at least, be alive first before any reconciliation or anything can even take place.

My question today is: what does the church do in cases like this? Is it saying that because of doctrines women should remain there and die? Is it saying that apart from prayer there is no other way to help?

I poured out my heart to the pastor and asked him a question directly without any apologies, “If your daughter came to you, bruised everyday, threatened and battered, would you tell her to go back there and pray? What if she does and gets killed? What would your reaction be? Will you be able to live with yourself?”

Then I calmed down and said God bless you pastor and thank you, I hope this means she will go to heaven.
He could not utter a word, so I walked out.

Call this ranting, lamenting, disrespectful, but one thing is for sure. We need answers, we need to shout it out loud, we need to educate women and let them know they can cry out for help.
I can’t stress this enough, if you are going through any form of violence, especially domestic violence, you can get help. Please don’t die for nothing. Make that call to Project Alert now 01-4737270, 08052004698 or send an email to [email protected], log on to their website

Enough is enough; the time to act is now. Say No To Domestic Violence.

This piece is dedicated to all the women who have lost their lives through domestic violence.
May their souls rest in peace.

What are your thoughts on this?


  1. Nikky

    March 26, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Wow!!! This is a very touching, and as a new bride I can help but find it very scary. I just pray that God should bless and keep us all so that we don’t have to learn such painful lessons. To women going through this, please get out now!!!

    • Candid

      March 26, 2012 at 11:07 pm

      Do not be scared. No matter how much they preach sweetness and humility, always remember too much of ANY thing is bad. Men might say they like all that stuff, but if you continue even when they are being evil to you, they will turn you into a foot mat. Be sweet when needed and bitter when circumstances call for it, to your husband and in laws as well! Use iron hand when needed! My in laws kept pushing my buttons until I started pushing back. Now they can barely have a relationship with their brother and it is causing them grief. God has joined husband and wife as one so what pricks one should prick the other. I told my husband that if he wanted peace in our home he better tell his family to start coming kooooorrect. If they don’t, keeping them at arms length would be the only way for us to have less drama. Arms length is where they are at now. Mothers and sisters especially will always try to rule their brothers wives so it is crucial you lay the foundation well well as soon as you enter house. My aunties told me to swallow my in laws pricking ways until I enter house….that is when a woman should start to show them who is the madam. Another thing is to make sure the man loves you more o! Once that is the case, half if not 3/4 of your marital problems is already solved. Remember to always pray without ceasing! Keep your eyes on your husband and family, be nice to his mother and always suggest small small things he should do to make her happy even if you can’t stand her. Do not always follow him to visit his family (excluding mandatory visits), be scarce, let them miss you so when they see you and your children, they will cherish the moments. Always put your husband in front of everything that has to do with his family. Good luck.
      RIP OGO. I can type a book but nothing I say will bring you back or cease the pains your loved ones are feeling and will continue to feel. I pray that may where you are now be better to you than where you have left, Amen.

    • queen

      March 28, 2012 at 5:04 am

      good advice sister

    • Nikky

      March 29, 2012 at 12:29 pm

      Thank you so much for the advice

    • Enyinna

      March 27, 2012 at 10:09 am

      Tufiakwa, won’t be your portion. Couldn’t finish reading, too painful. My sister’s ex was abusive. I still thank God that we didn’t kill him. Nigerian men need to take this issue more seriously.

  2. Ufuoma

    March 26, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Very touching, tanks Stella 4speaking 4 d helpless women dat are dying silently in their marriages,may God bless u

    • Tiki

      March 28, 2012 at 1:01 pm

      I dont understand why a woman should die silently in her marriage…does she not have family? Ogo had Seven siblings, for the love of Christ! If I hear that anybody has beaten my sibling, talk less of sending them to hospital countless times…I no go wait for am to leave o! Na tough love I go take pull am out of there. Plus send one or two area boys to teach the batterer a lesson.
      May their souls Rest In Peace? I say no. Not yet. May their souls visit all those who had a hand in their unhappiness and death, including but not limited to their animalistic husbands, wicked in-laws, misleading, uncaring pastors and the like. THEN, may their souls find eternal peace.

    • Truth be told

      April 3, 2012 at 6:36 pm

      I do not mean to be rude what so ever but did you really read and understand the issue? what does area boys can come do to help? beat him?….Really put yourself in that situation. What would you do? your weak, your self esteem is gone, your mind has been controlled. Seriously, c’mon……Think…

  3. Nnenna

    March 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Ogo’s story needs to be made into a Nollywood movie and the proceeds given to her kids.

    • Duchess

      March 27, 2012 at 8:22 pm

      Very right,I know some day I will be of help and put some men behind bars,govt needs new law,what m I even saying,the govt headed by wife beaters,smh,God will lead us.

  4. herroyalsexiness

    March 26, 2012 at 1:38 pm


  5. Wunmi

    March 26, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Very sad indeed. In the African culture most of these women stay because they depend totally on their husbands regarding finances. so leaving him is difficult because they don’t have any way to survive without the husband. Also, the desperation of some women to be a Mrs – they end up marrying the wrong man. Someone ones told me, don’t give a man all your power, if you do they have the ability to break you. I’m all for submissiveness but to cost of my life? No way.

    • Yinka

      March 26, 2012 at 11:06 pm

      I am all for submissiveness”??? that is actually what enables abuse. Women are “trainned to be submissive” this is all bull shit!!!

  6. Opsi

    March 26, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    When I read Ogo’s story, I was angry initially but after so much thinking, I realised she could have done something for herself before it was too late. Even if not for herself, for the sake of her children and that is to LEAVE. Nobody deserves to go through all that. It’s as if she willed herself to die to attract sypathy aand that is medicine after death. No use. Am sure if she had gone back to her parents, they will not reject her.Perhaps things would have change for good if she had left and prayed for her marriage. Most times we are concerned with what society and Church will say to our own detriment. We are afraid to be seen as failures. A woman would rather die than be divorced because she would be seen as dragging her family’s name to the mud if she is divorced. God hates divorce but does not hate the divorcee. RIP Ogo, but your friends are saying you didn’t do well. You should have opened up about what you were going through in your marriage but you chose to keep quiet and die.

  7. Berry Choco-Latté

    March 26, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    This boils my blood!!!!!!!!! I have said it and I will say it again – I WHOLEHEARTEDLY SUPPORT separation and/or divorce in any physically abusive marriage! Let any pastor in Nigeria tell me to go back to my husband’s house if he has dared to lay a finger on me! That man WILL die – kill or be killed is what this nonsense forces an abused spouse to do. If either of the late women had killed their husbands in self-defense, the laughable justice system in Nigeria would have locked them up and thrown away the keys. My God I’m soooooooooooo effing pissed off! Those men deserve to die a thousand deaths!

    • Wunmi

      March 26, 2012 at 1:48 pm

      You couldn’t have said that any better. I support separation / divorce in such cases. Its disgusting to think some pastors can advice some women to go back and pray about it. It baffles me that some women cannot think for themselves and leave the marriage for the sake of their lives or children. I’m sure God does not condone domestic violence.

    • Paula

      March 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm

      Any pastor that tells a woman that has left an abusive marriage to go back to the husband,should be ready to point out that part of the bible that permits a man to beat up his wife.The way i see it “every woman has a choice.You can choose to live or die”. Pick a side and stay on it.

  8. Tolu

    March 26, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    We are a nation where we (even women) don’t even begin to understand women’s rights, where some say you must have had a sharp mouth. Or you can’t earn more money than your husband because it will make him mad. You are too sexy, you will make him mad. You are married, naw, ah ah! What is your problem?! Do you know how many people are looking for ring?
    We have our religious establishments tell people to pray, to have faith, a Higher Power will change him. Tell her to yield to her man, he is the head of the household, divorce is a sin.
    We have law enforcement where the idea that “a man should beat his wife to control her” is so pervasive, that they themselves indulge in it and abuse their own wives. That is what they know.
    We have family who say, “go back and sort your problems out. What about the children?”
    We have a legislature who think all this noise that women are making, what kind of wahala is this? They should just stick to teaching, cooking and pregnancy, that is all they know.

    We never ask why the man cannot hold his temper, control his emotions, be a man. Instead of sending him to jail, we say, “how will his family cope? He is my neighbours’, sister’s, friend’s brother; I know him. He won’t do it again. Forgive him.”

    Until he kills her.

    Then we gasp at the horrific pictures, shake her heads and ask, “why didn’t she run away?” And then click on the next blog story and say that that woman will never be me, over my dead body.

    • Nikky

      March 26, 2012 at 1:53 pm

      Thank you Tolu, but the truth is are we women ready to change? How many times have we given bad advice to a desperate woman? I know I have. I feel terrible now and promise to change. But how many women are willing to stand up and fight? Even our own men cant fight for their rights from the government, what inspiration do we Naija women have to fight? How many of us have to die?

    • Truth be told

      April 3, 2012 at 6:46 pm

      I agree with you……We portray ourselves as the moderate women of the america’s but we forgot that women in America went through the same ish… some point someone took a stand and so many followed…till this day, they are still fighting. when we as a nation can’t stand up or look out for one another, what is left to do but to just sit and wait…..We are all waiting for what?…..for death. I have always said……you can’t oppress someone to the point of no return….they would either break or give in….and that is what we Nigerians Women Men and children are doing….We are giving in because its the way of life. No one welcomes change….Not unless it guarantees money and fame.

    • Eggy*Posh

      March 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm

      God bless u real good!…No one cud av said it any better…humans av such short memories dt its ridiculous…most will read dis story n forget wen same happens to dem or those close to dem…

    • Purpleicious Babe

      March 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

      Well said…. as in we do exactly that.

      The funniest thing, I was discussing this with my colleague (who seems clueless btw) that the men need to recognise this issue and go for help. PASTORS PLS MAN -MAN FACE THE MAN UP except if that is what u practice in your own home. Judges, Uncles, Fathers, Brothers face up to domestic violence and deal with it. Abeg seminars needs to be in place including rehab centres for ABUSIVE/violence MEN and for some women who purposely attack their husbands….

      If you are a violent person U NEED HELP… if u are abusive towards your partner in any shape or form, abeg be a MAN, ADMIT AND GO FOR HELP…

      As a society, we do not recognise when we need help instead we wait, hoping and believing miraculously help will come in which instances it can happen but am sure some of us can see that it is clear staying is not working. In the case for some of us, the help comes through death, however the damages are already done. It is not easy to go out and ask for help but it sure is better and more fulfilling than been a COWARD and ABUSER or stay abused…


      God will never stop helping us but pls we have discretion and wisdom for a reason to use it and apply it. NO POINT MAKING STUPID EXCUSES ALL IN THE NAME OF LOVE??? If he loved u he will see ur pain and not inflict another on u come what may i.e. pressures from relatives, witchcraft etc.


      OK..OHH I don talk.

  9. j

    March 26, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    I do hope a woman out dere benefits from this. Truly touching

    • Amy

      March 26, 2012 at 2:27 pm

      Very sad indeed. My mother went thru this and i remember always telling her to leave otherwise she would die (speaking as a child then) and she would reply me, ‘my child do not worry, God will answer him’ but she eventually did, it was sad and difficult but she did. Actually, she had to run away. He would lock her up in a room whenever we went back to the boarding house, a room without a bed (so she had to sleep on the floor) come in at night (on the days he came back home) beat her and forcefully sleep with her afterwards. So eventually she ran away, we had a maid who moulded the key and one day when the man was out opened the door and they both ran away. Sadly, i think about it alot and everyday, i pray for God to help me and my thots. Anyway, i’m glad she did left. She’s alive today we are well, and extremely grateful to God.

  10. femmelounge

    March 26, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    I pray this story will give someone the courage to leave a loveless, abusive marriage. There is no virtue whatsoever in staying with an abusive man.

  11. Edith Nkwocha

    March 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    To someone reading these stories, they seem surreal…. I am speechless at the suffering these women went through.

  12. enifome

    March 26, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    cruel world we leave where families even contribute to the maltreatment of the wife,like if twas their daughter in another mans house they would take it lightly.may God be with us .

  13. ifeoma n.

    March 26, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    MAY GOD PUNISH that man and his can u claim to be married to someone u she was in the hospital in yankee for 3 weeks and u didnt call her and then u have the animal boldness to tell her that she put ur integrity at stake, what madness?! an illiterate know that u dont owe ur workers any explanation concerning ur home. AWON ONIRANU!! i think we need to be reoriented, children shld not be the only reason why people decide to get married. marriage is for companionship. i have said it, if i find out my mother-in-law doesnt like me, i dont think i can marry her pikin, is it when am married that she will now like me? i cant wait for that long. ME i have said it, if my boyfriends hand should touch me cheek by mistake i will leave him!!may their souls rest in perfect peace.

  14. Lue

    March 26, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    we (women) need to know that marriage is not compulsory. It is better to be single and stay alive than get married and die early.
    Divorce too is a very lovely option, instead of sitting there just cos of what your family, friends and relatives will say, better pack your things and leave, its the best option.
    may her soul rest in peace

  15. kenora

    March 26, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    this is so tochin,l read dis yesteday on fbook,l felt so sad ,hw can a man do this to his wife,the man families ad d man are so wicked,and l know that God will punish them,ad reword them of there evil act,may her soul RIP

  16. tomiwa

    March 26, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    kai!! this is bad…i am abt to be married n i must say, i am real scared. i knw cases close to this oh!! men reading this story pls be pityful to women, we knw u r stronger than us oh! but plz hv pity and most of ol FEAR GOD!!! the fear of God in u wld nt let u do ol ds..may God help us ol

  17. Oyelola

    March 26, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Awww :'( ℓ̊ dnt even knw what tƠ̴̴̴͡ say cos as ℓ̊ write, ‘m still crying. May the souls of those who hv suffered ds kinda violence RIP. My advice is tƠ̴̴̴͡ those who r going tru it, pls ensure ΰ contact them on d phone numbers and email. W̶̲̥̅ε̲̣ always ask where help is. This is help. Thanks for sharing ds.

  18. Anuli

    March 26, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    These cases even though sad are just the result of stupidity. We can’t necessarily lay blame at the feet of their husbands. It is absolutely the responsibility of any battered woman to save herself and of cause her kids from such a hostile environment. But unfortunately in the case of these women, they loved their husbands or the idea of being married more than they loved themselves or their children. Isn’t that selfishness? A wife beater is a wife beater just as a thief is a thief, yet we don’t go about trying to change thieves. We instead secure our houses and offices against them. Why don’t women do same against their abusers?
    It is a sure thing that no matter how much a battered woman’s friends and family talk, she won’t leave unless and until she’s ready.

    • Opsi

      March 26, 2012 at 2:32 pm

      I agree with you Anuli. These women should have left for the sake of their children. Now who will take care of the children they went through so much pains to have?

  19. GG

    March 26, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    l have never commented on this sire before but this story has really touched me,its so sad she did not leave when she had to..May her soul rest in peace.l have also been through something like this and reading this am gland l left when l cld.God bless

  20. Austine Da Whizchap

    March 26, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Simply Sympathetic…..That’s All I Have To Say; I am a Man….We Men Should Be Careful How We Show Love; Women Aint Our Slaves, Neither Our Inferiors, through Which We Show Our Superiority, They Are Our Friends, Colleagues, Wives, Mothers and above all Alike Image of God. I Have Spoke My Own!

  21. Ziariz

    March 26, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    God have mercy! i am so saddened by her death, even though i don’t know her. so many women go through this and choose to stay quiet until the whither away and die.

    they constantly make fun of the single older women in my office for still being single and i wonder why. what is the big deal about marriage?
    when many people don’t even love themselves. Ogo…RIP!!! all i pray for now are your kids cos that your stupid husband am sure will go and marry one stupid woman..i pray kamsi and Amanda are safe …….

    God help us all

  22. winnie

    March 26, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Ogo, as much as i feel hatred toward ur beast of a husband, i blame u coz u saw the signs b4 the wedding but u ignored it. am angry that u didnt think that u needed to be alive to nest ur children becos no one will protect them like their own mother. am angry reading this story. and i think women shuld secretly take carat classes inorder to defend themselves when found in such situations. i take such classes and am not married yet! wisdom is profitable to direct.

  23. Nk

    March 26, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    #Sighs# ………….. pls guys just re-post on ur Facebook wall, blog or anywhere people can read…. THIS IS REAL!!!….

  24. Theodora

    March 26, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    simply sympathetic, so heartbreaking, may their souls rest in perfect peace……. and please ladies do learn and know when to say enough is enough, i hope people learn form this….God help us all

  25. ejogene

    March 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    We all should try and be “Human Beings” first in all we do and see others around us as “Human Beings” too. Ogo has since seize to be a human being with emotions, feelings, decisions, opinions, choices, values, likes, dislikes etc in the sight of her husband/oppressor. This happens in a lot of relationships, for reasons like, “what will people say” “I love my husband/Wife/Boyfriend/Girlfriend” “He/She will change” “I need him/her” etc.
    Demand for your right and respect. Never respect, love anybody who doesn’t respect or love you back or else you become a doormat. This Kevin doesn’t even see anything wrong that he and his family has done, because Ogo has always been like a furniture in their house, acquired because of his/their status.

    As you read this post, You husband treat your wife like a human being, you wife treat your husband same, you boss treat your staff like human beings, you madam treat you housemaid/houseboy like a human being, you Mr. President treat your people like human beings, you Mr. governor etc the world be be so much better.

    Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.

  26. Gidi

    March 26, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    A man that beats a woman.
    How do you defend that?
    Any man that lays his hand on a woman has lost his manhood. That is indefensible. I don’t care to hear your excuse.

  27. Gidi

    March 26, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    Maybe we should start with girls on this site who are being beaten by their boyfriends. That is where it starts o!

  28. Guest

    March 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    We’re all in shock and are extremely saddened by this. But ladies PLEASE do what you can to help yourself and your children. Ladies learn to be INDEPENDENT! Physical abuse is just one form of abuse out there. Yes, you and your husband are now one and he is the head of the household, but that does not translate to you losing your identity and being 100% dependent on him.

    They say we should do what we can and leave the rest to God. What we women can do is to learn how to take care of ourselves. Single, married or divorced, you should have your own source of income. Regardless of how little. Your husband goes out to earn a living for the family, what is keeping you from doing the same?!?!?!

    When one gives 100% total power to another person, sooner or later that power will be abused. Even in the smallest of situations. Be it a man or woman.

    Ladies PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE wake up and stop being 100% dependent on your husband.

    Btw, dependent wife =/= submissive wife or even gf
    dependent wife =/= traditional wife or gf

  29. bolu

    March 26, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    These stories are indeed very sad, and what pains me the most is that, stella’s story, there isn’t much, infact there isn’t anything the law can do about it. I can totally relate to these stories, there needs to be a change. No woman deserves to be treated like a slave by her own husband. I believe that if you are in an abusive relationship/marriage, LEAVE!!!!! Whoever telling you not to probably hates you because I don’t see the sense in staying. Maybe until your partner eventually kills you. May God help us all.

  30. lola

    March 26, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    this write up brought tears to my eyes… i wish there are ways to help avert domestic violence. Only yesterday i was reading about a guy that killed his wife last yr june he cut her up like she was a piece of meat! the case is still in court now, even the bible says watch and pray not pray and watch! i know our soceity make women feel inferior to the men but its about time we stood up and say no to violence against women and children, lets have safe houses ,help lines, trauma treatment centers to aid women going through this kind of violence! also must men who are violent usually show tendencies during courtship . We ladies need to think with our heads and not only our hearts when we’re in love may heaven help us as we help our selves.


    March 26, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    we are all at fault. when we hear dat a particular couple are seperated,we abuse them especially d female.when stella left her second husband,we all criticised her and lots of cases like dat.women are their own enemies

  32. konnie

    March 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    May her soul rest in peace. Horrible thing which happens everyday.
    What have we learnt from this awful story, I have friends and family in this silly situation, when you advice them to love themselves enough to leave, you see them literally shuddering at the thought not not remaining in the abusive situation. Like they have been zombierized or something. the thought of not being somebody’s Mrs or bearing the title albeit whist dying seems to suit a lot of abused women better.

    Quit annoying. I had to tell my sister in-law to stop talking about her abusive husband if she wasn’t ready for everybody to confront him with his boorish behaviour

    Low self esteem and no self esteem plus societal pressures are also a be factor in this matters. I shall get of my high horse at this point. Peace out.

    Therapists are needed ooooooo. If you are abused and and are not mentally strong enough to get out please seek help. Now I am talking to the abused (mainly women) that are reading this not. Sometime I will write a note about abused men of which we have a lot in Nigeria too. peace OUt

  33. erieok

    March 26, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    it is sad that women are not protected by the law. did u know that in the nigerian constitution (unless it has been amended as at late last year) permits a man to beat his wife to correct her as long as he does not inflict bodily harm? bodily harm wasn’t explained o! my advice for women, if ur husband, the church or the society has refused to protect us, then it is high time we protected ourselves by any means necessary. we should also value ourselves and understand that it is not our fault that we are being abused but that of the horrible man in question. most importantly we should seek help

    • Nikky

      March 26, 2012 at 4:58 pm

      Hear Hear

    • emma

      March 26, 2012 at 7:56 pm

      i do believe that’s religious and/or traditional law. not the constitution. Naija is not that bad

  34. Kemi

    March 26, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    this story is the most saddest I have read in websites. What breaks my heart is that it can happen to anyone. I know a lot of real women going through situations like this and the worst part is the man still don’t care.

    Talk about husbands that go abroad and leave their wives in Nigeria. This men ignore their wives and never come back.

    Men who beat their wives alarm me
    Men who control women with money, really???
    Men who rape their wives because she doesn’t give sex at night

    After reading this article, I think websites like Bellanaija and Linda Ikeji can seek out more women empowerment groups to help spread the word about women abuse. I really think that awareness can change a lot of things for today’s woman and the upcoming ladies entering into the world of marriage.

    I know God said people should not swear but I tell you ladies. It is not by force to be married to a man that is treating you wrong. When a man treats you like CRAP, pls run for your life. This men can kill you, men are stronger than women, they can beat one and injure you.

    Every woman:

    Pls get yourself educated, don’t sit at home and allow him to feed you.

    Pls start a small business or trade, don’t just be the one to be asking for money here and there

    Women out there, don’t suffer in silence. If your situation is bad and causing you to lose yourself. GET OUT of that relationship. No man is worth the tears, I tell you.

    There is nothing in this world that will make a woman cry or die for a man. This men are very ignorant and will go to the next woman. God is the judge of this case and many other quiet cases of women suffering in silence.

    What we don’t know is that there are millions of Nigerian women suffering in their marriages, too scared to speak out, when they speak out in their churches or anywhere. It is frowned upon. Nigeria you can do better, women don’t have to be battered, raped or injured for the sake of MEN. I pray that Bellanaija will post this comment, it pains my heart to read this article. It even saddens my soul to know that this lady is DEAD. Her husband’s people might not even care for this story and will just move on to the next.

    We women are special, we deserve better. Please, don’t women dress for yourself, look good for you. Find your way, there is a lot of opportunities for us women out there, don’t sit idle at home, educate yourself, learn a craft or trade. Be Independent for yourself and the kids. God will judge the world of evil men, I have said my own.

    Pls Bella Naija post this comment and help save another woman’s life. Pls Pls, we don’t want to read more stories of women dying all because of a man. Enough is enough, pls help share the word. Thank YOU!

  35. Kemi

    March 26, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Typo: Wanted to say women dress for yourself. Typed this post in a hurry…

  36. fokasibe

    March 26, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    I’m so so speechless……May She Rest in Peace..all I can think of now are her kids. May God deliver them from the clutches of the ungodly. Amen.

  37. Victim

    March 26, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    i am ready to leave, but no place in mind to go and afraid of whot the society and my church will think of me. infact my whole life is at stake. i have been heatedly raped by this same man called my hubby………………!

    • Tosyn

      March 26, 2012 at 5:01 pm

      Victim, please STOP being a victim! Help is at hand. Please call the numbers in the article or send an email NOW!! God forbid it’s your (sad) story BN publishes next…

    • partyrider

      March 26, 2012 at 6:01 pm

      No one can help you,if you are not ready to help yourself by LEAVING that animal.forget the damn society and save yourself have people who love you,dont you want to leave for them? there must be a place you can go:friend,family,there must be some those numbers today,send an email..RUN FOR YOUR LIFE NOW! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. there is so much to live for.

    • Sugabelly

      March 26, 2012 at 6:21 pm

      Husband never finish for market. Your life is far more important than any useless man. Your life is also far more important than any church, any society, or even any country sef.

      If you like continue behaving as if this is a video game and you have six other lives remaining after he takes this one from you.

    • Olawuyi, Oladotun

      March 27, 2012 at 11:35 am

      Look at it this way. If he kills you he will remarry. If you leave him, he will remarry.
      If he kills you another woman will be mother to your children and she MAY not be nice.
      You have family, go back to them. I f they refuse to take you back start out on your own. You need to LIVE.You are the most important factor not your family, your husband, society or even your church. God will punish you if you allow someone kill you.
      Call the number or send the email. I pray for you.

    • anonymous

      March 29, 2012 at 2:21 pm

      Fast forward a few months or even weeks from now, it may be you we will be discussing here, God forbid, but it’s up to you. Beware ladies out there who think their husbands should be their ATM, get financially empowered so you can stand on ur own.

    • mama

      June 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm

      just reading ur post……hope u have left? society and church will not live ur life for you…the same society will blame u when u allow yourself to be killed, so please no dulling…..while u are apart keep praying when he changes u will know and take him back but if he doesnt – thats good riddance

  38. Tolulope

    March 26, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    I feel so sad on hearing and reading this again. Will this ever end, will some men ever learn about protecting and truly loving their wives. I pray that she will find peace wherever she is and please let’s us spread this ‘NO TO FEMALE ABUSE’ around.

  39. moi

    March 26, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    i will be too glad to poison any man who does this to me, after doing that i will take him to the hospital if he survives it, then tell him what i did b4 leaving his house l can be as heart less as he is. BASTARDS.

    May the soul of the departed rest in peace.

  40. Madun

    March 26, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    dangers of a single story…every marriage, believe it or not has its ordeal. Please don’t believe everything you read or hear, especially when you are not fortunate to have both parties sit and recount their ordeal. it takes two to tango. be very scared of people who blame others all the time except themselves. be very scared.

    • partyrider

      March 26, 2012 at 6:04 pm

      i dont get what you are driving matter what the case maybe NO WOMAN, DESERVES TO BE BEATEN BY ANY there can NEVER be any justification for hitting a woman.NEVER!!

    • Madun

      March 26, 2012 at 11:23 pm

      nowhere did i say she deserved to be beaten. all i m trying to say is that the guy, has been crucified before he gets a chance to refute these. frist and foremost, this was written by the deceased relatives. and if they knew this much yet watch her continue to endure pain in the man’s house, then they are as guilty as the person they are accusing. for some reason, i choose to not believe Kevin was downright callous. only God knows the truth between two people. you’d be surprised by how much disparities that exists between a woman narrating an occurence and a man narrating the same occurence. i personally question anything that seems one-sided. its unfortunate that a life was lost here. But why did her sister, Uzo who wrote this story, wait till her sister’s death before she mustered the courage to write this? Why?

    • Omada

      March 26, 2012 at 6:13 pm

      single story? what can possibly justify a man hitting his wife? what? arrant rubbish!

    • Desadarius

      March 26, 2012 at 11:14 pm

      Hi Madun,
      If you can make an excuse for an action as cruel and hateful as this then it is really very sad. Can you think of any offense on this earth that the woman could have committed that would justify Kevin’s action? Growing up as kids, my mother always said, that no matter how angry one is, when it comes to live and death, you just need to throw in the white olive branch. Both men crossed the boundaries and should not be excused.

    • Madun

      March 27, 2012 at 4:34 pm

      not making excuses. i just feel the internet court of law these days has become a weapon to tell one-sided stories. i have no doubt this was a troubled marriage, just like most marriages. however, i also have no doubt that if Kevin had beaten (no pun intended) his wife’s relatives to writing his own side of this story, we would be casting stones at his late wife too. i just don’t see any objectivity here adn i am rather disasppointed that not a lot of folks are being objective here. Ogo saw trouble from the 1st day she set her foot forward to meet Kevin’s family, YET she didn’t run. she stayed. I can’t be crazy to believe there has to be more to this story than meets the eyes. if Kevin were such a demonic man as portrayed in this story, then he would have taken a 2nd wife and not bother waiting 6 yrs for Ogo to have a child. i am very inclined to believe this story has been seriously embelished and exaggerated to make Kevin loook liek the spawn of the devil. She stayed for 6 yrs and those yrs she didn’t have a child so no excuse of “im watching my kids”. She had alll the time in the world to run but for some reason we would never ever know, she stayed. I just hope no one takes to the internet to tell a one-sided story against any one of you before you realize how much it hurts. i am not disputing he hit her, abused her or did bad things to her. However, he is not the reason she died. nor did he kill her.why is this hanging over his head? we will never know the truth but i don’t think this is it all. Kevin could have told his own story and make ogo look horrible too.

    • Mercy

      January 26, 2013 at 7:32 am

      It is women like the poster who condemn, aid and abet domestic violence against other women, to them, their brother or son is perfect and the wife is evil. Sometimes some female in laws are the most wicked accessories to domestic violence. Imagine the poster madun saying there are 2 sides of course….but 1 person is dead… That is a big difference. Women please be nice to one another, even your brother’s wife or your son in law because one day your child will get married

  41. seanini

    March 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    May her soul rest in peace,where do we put God in our relatnships n marriages?we put in our time,resources n energy to get degrees but we hardly do dat when we lookin for a life partner.its so sad her destiny as bin cut short,let us all go bac to d drawing board n do our homework.

  42. Abi Abidekun

    March 26, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    My blood practically went cold whilst reading this piece. Nobody should accept domestic abuse, which is why women need to understand the need for financial independence as well as self esteem . With these you can stand up for yourself and make the right choices in situations like this. To crown it all ,ladies please marry your friends- a man who loves ,understands and cherishes you, will never abuse you in any form.

  43. topsy

    March 26, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    It’s so easy to lay the blame on the other party without hearing their own side of the story.This woman in question may have decided to alienate herself from her husband’s family on initial appraisal and will now have found it difficult to go back to them when problems arose in the family.

  44. mhydhe

    March 26, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    ave u seen the man before?? I knw him very well, to the xtend that i knw were he works and people close to him. dont knw why she decided to stay in such and abusive marrigae. I f u see her , she doesnt look battered but inwardly she battered.

  45. Sugabelly

    March 26, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    This is all as a result of I MUST TO MARRY.

    If Nigerian women weren’t so afraid of divorce we wouldn’t be reading this article.

    Your husband will ALWAYS be less important than your life. In a choice between your husband and your life and safety, your husband is always disposable. Husband never finish for market, you can always get another one.

    Why would you stay married to someone who is reducing your health and safety or preventing you from enjoying your PRECIOUS life?

    Marriage can never be that serious that your one and only life should shorten by even five minutes because of husband.


    • Onyinye

      March 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm


  46. sunshine

    March 26, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    We live in a society where instead of raising real men that are responsible and respectable we raise our women to believe they are inferior and should accept being treated like trash…The Nigerian society is MESSED UP and every single one of us, especially women are to blame: mothers who give their sons prefrential treatment from birth by keeping them away from domestic chores while telling our daughters that a womans place is in the kitchen,or are always making excuses for them whenever they get involved in any vice ‘he is a man’ but almost killing your daughter for the same act ‘you know you are a woman,who will marry you?’. We spend so much time and energy developing our daughter’s character, yet we raise failed projects as men.

    The only way things will change is if we women as individuals become concious of how we treat each other, as friends, as sisters, as mothers, as daughters, as in-laws, because it was the women in the lives of the husbands mentioned in these stories that made them feel it was ok to be the animals they turned out to be.

  47. Desadarius

    March 26, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    It is really sad to know that things like this continue to happen in this time an age. What is even sadder is that the women who find themselves in these situations continue to remain in it with the hope that things will get better. Well, as women, we need to remember that a leopard will never change its spots. I see a couple of posts that are alluding to the fact that women find it difficult to leave abusive marriages because they do not have the financial backbone to support their kids if they should leave. What women need to remember is that a man who abuses them will, in most cases, transfer that hatred to the kids when she is gone. She is, therefore, better off running a way with her head still on her neck and finding the will power to make a living for she and her kids. Maybe the biggest lesson to be learnt by us women is to have only as much children as we think we can support on our own, until we know for certain that the man does not have it in him to hurt a fly. A man who beats a woman is synonymous to a lion that has tasted human blood…he just can never go back. So, please, ladies, he will not stop beating you because you have “so many”children for him because that wasn’t why he beat you in the first place.

  48. Miriam

    March 26, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    Reading these stories give me more confidence in the fact that I walked away. Even though I know for sure I did the right thing, it just makes me feel good again. I had once been in a bad relationship as well, engaged for almost two years and getting notin but ill words and battering. Still have my money even hanging with him, but I was better gone without the money than dead. What kinda man drop’s off his woman at ten minutes past 5 in the morning in the middle of nowhere all in the name of an argument? What if I got kidnapped or raped? Every time he hit me, I had his mum begging and him rolling over the floor for forgiveness, but this went on for more than a year, into two years, he was not just a wife beater but a lying cheat as well. I had series of experiences with him, I would cry all through the night while he slept. When he woke, he would tell me to keep crying my crocodile tears… Once I cried from 9pm till 5:30 am in the morning. Initially I wasn’t telling my mum, but when I eventually did, she was equally not at peace, ‘cos like it or not, when you’re in a good relationship, your mum will be the first person to act it. Each time I got home, she would ask hope you people didn’t quarrel? Just imagine… Like Stella said pastors and their keep faith messages; we talked to a pastor and he said we were meant to be together, that it was just the devil tryin to obstruct the good to come. Good indeed, One faithful day, a day I would never forget, My mum advised I go to the altar and pray, there I cried my heart out to God after a very powerful prayer session at church and said “if the good to come was coming to meet me half broken/dead, of what good is it?” I asked for strength from God to walk away, to take away the stupid love I had and give me a heart of the woman of substance I should be that knows her worth and is very sure out there, there is a man for me that would love her and respect her like he does his own mother. Today as I write, I just Okayed the final draft for my wedding invites. Yeah, I did find him, I am getting married to man who adores me, in the space of a year and half that I walked away from the horror I called a relationship. Sometimes I think it’s a set up or a fairy tale but really its true.. Its what I asked from God and helped him help me with it. The ability to walk away and find my own. Every woman needs to know when to walk away, damn the feeling of what if … “what if you don’t find another?” that question contradicts the word of God; He sure took me to my expected end !!

  49. jaygirl

    March 26, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Some of these men are good at recognising the women they can do this to, mostly quiet women,totally dependent on them,no families or socially inept, reserved or those with very low self esteem. Our society doesn’t help matters either, who counsels these men? You always hear the same thing, the women running to pastors and family members and the men taking boxing classes for the next match. I am married and i thank God for the man i married, but i always tell my friends ‘if you get craze, make the man see am well well before e marry you, if im craze pass your own, run!’, at least no surprises. I just pray we don’t get to the situation where the next story being made will be women killing their husbands in self defense ( that is if it isnt happening already). Abused women need to look beyond what other people say, be selfish, think about yourself! Look for people, friends that you can stay with till you find your feet, that pastor giving advice..move into his own house, sleep in the church sef.Even as people, we shouldn’t be bystanders, take these women in, be supportive. As future mothers and sisters,be a sister to everyone, it could happen to your daughter or sister or close friend . May God help us all

  50. Miriam

    March 26, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    God help married women passing thru all dis esp domestic abuse,my hubby used to hit mi n even while I was 3mnths pregnant for my dota. He used his belt onn ‎​♍ƺ,it maDe ‎​♍ƺ despise him n though he has stopdd hittn ‎​♍ƺ I still ђά̲̣̣vέ no love for him

  51. cynthia

    March 26, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    all i have to say is that both women and men before u get marry or move in with someone make sure u get ur self to together. get a job, not just any job but a job u know that if anything should happen u can take care of urself and if u guys should have any kids u can also take care of ur children so that tomorrow if the relationship turn into abusive relationship u won’t use financial reason as an excuse to stay becos if u are a liability to him he or she will treat u like one. if guys start arguing and it turn look like it will turn to fight just live the house and try to live the relationship as soon as possible becos the more u stay the more he has control of u and before u know it will be a normal thing for ur husband to beat. alway put urself before anyone becos nobody loves u more than urself.

    • Mercy

      January 26, 2013 at 7:50 am

      Having a job or being financially ok does not protect from domestic violence. It may even make it worse with the man’s feeling of inadequacy being blamed on the wife. Domestic violence in Nigeria is much more complex than in the West. In the States, even if the Moran has no job, she can ask the man to leave and the court system will compel him to pay child support and alimony depending on the circumstances. The problem with Nigeria is that there is no systemic or structural protection to deter such evil behavior. I have a friend here whose husband slapped her. She called the cops and he was arrested. He had to beg the wife to drop charges as he did not want to be a convicted felon. He was made to enroll in anger management classes. The heart of human beings are wicked but we need systems in place to deal with wicked behavior.

    • Mercy

      January 26, 2013 at 7:59 am

      Sorry, I meant to say”even if the woman” not Moran

  52. molarah

    March 26, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    Really sad stories, but I feel a lot of female commenters are missing an important point here. We always want to look like the victims, but can’t we see how much of this injustice is encouraged by the womenfolk too? The mother and sister in the first piece, are they not women too? We’ll leave our comments here on this virtual space and go back to the real world encouraging hate and ‘beef’ against our fellow woman who is in an unfortunate receiving end. Its a warning for us all. Mothers, make sure those young men of yours understand that raising their hands against a lady is totally unacceptable. Sisters, as much as is within your power, discourage these traits in your brothers. Girlfriends, pass on the escape routes and help lines to women in your circles – you never know who needs them.

    • ask women

      May 5, 2012 at 2:30 pm

      well said..

  53. Mimi

    March 26, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    all boils down to african society and its pressure on women to get married and stay married!! we have to changw our attitudes! everytime i am back home i feel the heat coz ofmy unmarried childless status but when am away life is rosy it is this society of ours that sends these young women to an early grave!

  54. primrose

    March 27, 2012 at 12:43 am

    may her soul rest in peace but this marriage thing is not by force

  55. Rom

    March 27, 2012 at 1:18 am

    OMGosh, I feel so so bad. Yoruba adage says ‘te ni toku logbe’ means once u r dead life goes on. Why are we women always lamenting? We love to have fun , we love to suffer in silence just so that people would see us with a rich man and call us ‘chairman’s wife’ or ‘oga’s wife’. Jesus christ! Getting married does not mean you do not have a home anymore with your parents. Parents please always listen to ur children and support them no matter what their decisions are. As a mother I will never ever try anything that will put the live(s) of my child(s) in danger in my life time or after I am dead.
    We are not inferior to men, we are all equal and that is why we must always be hardworking. Never let a man run over you because of money. These women I am sure thought about how miserable their lives would be without those useless men that is why they never left. You can do without anybody. Get a life get,ur money, be independent and never lie to your family. Most of us who are talking if ur billionaire husband beats you and he gives u everything you want in life, would u leave? As for me I grew up learning to live with or without. The money that a man would give me would never affect my brain in knowing the difference between love and oppression. Please women let us look beyond what people will say and love ourselves and our children for once.Omase o

  56. dr james

    March 27, 2012 at 2:05 am

    i feel ashamed to be a man after reading this , i know a lot of guys that beat up their girlfriend and i wonder why the girls keep coming back after they are treated like trash , women have a big part to play in this too . if he beats and abuse u while you are dating what makes u think he will ever change, most of us men are sick in the headf and it has nothing to do with his family staus , the truth is you can never stop men from abusing their women(i dont know any country or culture that have succeded in that) but you can help abused women get away from such relationships

    • Gidi

      March 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm

      Your point is the reason why alluded to earlier when i said that a lot of ladies writing sermons here are either being beaten presently by their boyfriends or have siblings who are in such relationships. It is not only in marriage that physical abuse should never be accepted. Infact, if i am a girl and while dating you, you slapped another lady that is the end of that relationship.

  57. NNENNE

    March 27, 2012 at 2:21 am

    Nigerian Nurses in the Americas are conducting a research on domestic violence .They claim their community have been hit had by domestic violence.A lot of them have died in the hands of their husbands.Husbands who felt threatened by their wives who made more money than they did and ended up killing those wives. So far, they published about ten case studies, all in the Americas.Thank goodness those husbands are in jail.
    So sad, divorce rate among Nigerians is so high in the Americas.As the role of women in society changes, we have to raise our sons well…They need to adjust their role too.

  58. NNENNE

    March 27, 2012 at 2:23 am

    Oops…their community has……

  59. Xtella

    March 27, 2012 at 5:10 am

    I used to be like all the people who chastise the victim and insist that they should leave the abusive situation. Now that I have been a victim myself, I realize it is not as easy as it seems.
    Men don’t abuse women when they can easily walk away. When I lost my job, my husband changed overnight. I got hit for my hairstyle, for reading bella naija, ,for asking about our money, and many more ridiculous reasons. My in-laws grumbling now became law in my home. I was banned from looking for a new job since I needed to “focus on my marriage”. My husband’s sisters justified his hitting me by saying that I said he was from an adulterous family (which I never did). Whenever he hit me and I fought back, they only spoke of what I did in defense… managing to turn me into the aggressor. They told me to my face that I was the one at a disadvantage if my marriage fell apart. I was so depressed and I knew i needed to get out but I didn’t know where to start from or whom to talk to.
    Well, my marriage fell apart and I am much happier now. They are still sitting on their high horses expecting my family to come and make peace with them. Some days are obviously worse than others, but I know I deserved more than I got in that marriage. Luckily, my family was really supportive. As soon as they realized what was I was going through, they encouraged my to move on.

    • Jasmine

      March 28, 2012 at 5:24 pm

      I am so proud of you for leaving that marriage!!! So proud. Good riddance my dear.

  60. yeye

    March 27, 2012 at 6:12 am

    I have been in tears all this while. When you are in an abusive relationship, you need to guard and guide yourself. The worst of an abusive relationship is a man cheating big time on you and turns things round to bastardize your name and image. When a man hates you, everything you stand for stinks and he cannot stand your guts. I have witnessed where the man even came home with STD and contends it is from the wife. He went to Naija and took a wife and came home to tell the legit wife that if she does not accept the Naija wife, she can leave. Thankfully, the Naija babe is a gold-digger who has milked the darling husband .Darling husband was beating and abusing the legit wife. He stopped doing everything in the house including mortgage and bills. Now Naija babe got all her money and fled.Darling husband lost job and could not go back to the hardworking legit wife. You see how domestic abuse can take various forms. What advice would you give to the legit wife? Darling husband is also extremely fetish and has separated himself. Do you think legit wife should put his stuff out especially when darling husband is in the arm of another woman again? Help. Need answers from you guys.

    • Papa

      March 27, 2012 at 8:26 pm

      I don’t understand all of the story but unless legit wife enjoys abuse, she should cut all ties to the man. Your life is more important than anything else. Luckily, she’s in Yankee; she can always call 911.

  61. may

    March 27, 2012 at 6:32 am

    Pls don’t berate the women going through abusive marriages. Its easier said than done. Encouragement helps a lot. Physical battery goes beyond the physical. These abusive men make the women feel worthless. A physically abusive man is often verbally and psychologically abusive as well. When a woman hears all the time how worthless she is, she might start to believe it. It does a lot to the woman’s psyche and self esteem. To help such women, u first let them see the good in themselves, let them know they don’t deserve it. That they are actually worth more than what their husbands are putting them thru. A lot of psychological help is needed. Strong support from family and friends alike. We all need to educate ourselves on what to do if we are being battered, and also how to help the battered.
    The most important thing is to speak up if you are being abused in any way. May God help us all. Amen.

    • Olawuyi, Oladotun

      March 27, 2012 at 11:43 am

      I agree with you. But as women we must never allow ourselves to be abused. Physically and mental abuse go together. No matter what happens we must find self worth because this is the only tool to combat violence of any kind. There is a difference between a quarrel and abuse. Any relationship that has no quarrels is fake, but derogatory remarks must be taken with seriousness and discouraged.

    • Mercy

      January 26, 2013 at 8:14 am

      Violence especially domestic violent has deep roots in Nigeria. We have a culture of verbal and physical abuse. I did not watch nollywood movies for a while for different reasons then a friend gave me a link and told me to watch a movie. Have we noticed we are very angry society? Every other word coming out of some people’s mouth is a curse word. Some take out the frustrations on their maids and beat them helplessly, some their wives. As a health care professional in mental health my guess is that most Nigerians need some form of therapy and counseling. Remember when sandy hook happened, all the kids and staff not just in that school but in many schools I all over the us were offered counseling. The children who grow up watching their mum being abused and battered need therapy or else the cycle continues

  62. pisssssed!

    March 27, 2012 at 8:26 am

    i couldn’t help but shed a tear, when i read the stories. its just really unfair that women would prefer to die than leave an abusive marriage. i know a couple too, the husband would beat her black, pink, red and blue with whip, boiling ring cable and the anything he cud lay his hands on, sometimes in d midnight, the whole neighbourhood was aware and he doesnt even work. he uses his wife as bait, arranges for her to meet rich married men and then he’ll just appear outta the blues ranting and threatening to put their pictures in the paper, the gullible rich men wud then succumb to his threat and pay him to keep his mouth shut and would sometimes seize their cars too until they pay up. and the most annoying part is that he wudnt even drop a dime outta d mney for his 6 children’s upkeep, he’d still come home beat, starve and insult her and the children while he’ll be cruising round town with the proceeds from the scam. pple really pitied her and after many years of suffering she finally ran away with 3 of her kids. very stupid woman if u ask me but @ least she came to her senses and fled.

  63. Qee

    March 27, 2012 at 8:50 am

    After all said, another young person created for better has died. Ogo’s husband did not necessarily commit murder, but he aided her losing the will to fight for life. There’s no assurance that the complications of surgery which took her life still wouldn’t have if she had a loving, caring, considerate, humane husband by her side, but she would have died happy and assured that her children still have a worthy parent alive. Sadly, the story implies not.
    As much as one has to always know there are two sides to a story before signing and sealing judgement, there are some events recorded here that can be very typical of men in this side of the world, and I must confess even I condemn the man’s alleged actions totally already!

    But for women who still have the chance, if your life is threatened in a marriage, walk. Love thy neighbour AS thyself, not more than, is the primary injunction we’re given.
    While it is easy to claim it’s love and obedience that makes a victim stay in an unhealthy marriage, sometimes (definitely not always) it may just be PRIDE! You don’t want to hear ‘We told you so’ from dear ones who may have seen signs and warned against the marriage. Look at Whitney Houston. I feel she remained with Bobby for so long, not just because she was ‘addicted’ to him or ‘cos divorce shouldn’t be the first option for a christian. I think she lived her marriage trying to prove the world wrong about her marriage.
    When your primary focus becomes ‘proving the world around you wrong’ about your choice in marriage, you’re losing bearing. The primary focus should be you two and your Maker. When you start to lose ‘YOU’, seek help before it’s too late.
    If it becomes entirely necessary, WALK! And God won’t condemn you for walking, even if the world does. But guess what? They (world) don’t matter THAT much.

  64. Funke

    March 27, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Thank you Stella, I appreciate your concern and thoughtfulness. I have always felt this way when this issue arises and felt even worse when I read Ogo’s tragic story. I’m a staunch advocate of women opting out of abusive marriages or relationships. It is those who lives that can recount tales. Dead men don’t talk.
    This is a clarion call to all women out there going through abuse in their marriages or relationships. The message is clear – RUN BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!!

  65. pynk

    March 27, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Na wa man. I walked away from an engagement because he was emotionally abusive. Nothing more or less.

  66. Eggy*Posh

    March 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    This is really sad bt real! Women its nt until ur partner starts beating u dt u realise abuse has started o…it doesnt even begin with physical abuse (e.g. beating)…it starts with mental and emotional abuse. So many ladies r out there wit no idea of their identity n no iota of self esteem cos through emotional and mental abuse, it has being taken away by their partners all in the name of relationship/marriage. A word is enuf for d wise…

  67. Sad

    March 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    I have never left a comment on this site…however as a relatively young woman who is going through a divorce with 2 young children…I say COURAGE , PRAYER and STRENGTH to leave….Thank God my abuse was not physical…but as eggyposh has stated…emotional and mental is horrifying and can defintely lead to worse. Leaving is the hardest decision I have ever had to make the “shame to family” being the talk of the town and the feelings of failure I have felt have been tough. However the Grace God has given me to survive , work , return back to school and depend on MYSELF has been priceless…Happiness and peace of mind is key. Marriage is so much more than the wedding day and the idea to rush in because of your age or because that is what is in vogue now will get one in to trouble. Me I have learned a very deep lesson. Marriage is tough and while I don’t support just leaving or divorcing….LIFE is so much more important..Life is so short and for the very “SAKE OF MY CHILDREN” which numerous people told me to stay because which man will want a woman with two kids….its for that very reason I decided I must walk away…for the “SAKE OF MY CHILDREN” two HAPPY homes are surely in my book better than ONE BROKEN DSYFUNCTIONAL LOVELESS HOME. May these ladies soul rest in peace. Thank God for Grace it is not easy but God has been able in my case with solid family and friends for support. I hold my head high no matter what…I hope others in abusive any type of abusive relationships where the guy just does not want to change take heed….

  68. Tiki

    March 27, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    So nobody in Ogo’s family knew some area boys that could beat the husband to a pulp? She had EIGHT siblings, for the love of Christ! Tie her with a rope? God help the person who does that to my younger sister…scratch that, to any of my siblings, and I hear about it. You will regret the day you saw her.
    May their souls not rest in peace. Not until they have tormented those husbands, and the inlaws, and the pastors, and everybody who inflicted pain on them and left their children motherless. THEN may their souls rest in peace.

  69. yemmy

    March 27, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    This story is not surprising to me, even though, its worrisome. Ummm, our culture, our religion, our families, and for most women…the children are the reasons why they keep staying in abusive relationships and marriages. For many people, until a man physically hurts, hes not an abusive husband…forgetting that…emotional abuse drains strength, causes stress and kills faster than physical abuse.
    Why must we keep staying in this relationships / marriages….. so many cases like the just read pathetic stories…..but still we stay and say for the children’s sake…..forgetting that…when we are no more….the man finds another woman immeadiately to warm his bed and complete the unfinished child-bearing agenda…under the pretence of needing someone to take care of the children…..WHAT AN IRONY…
    Thanks for this post……..its for a woman out there….crying silently and gently slipping away……
    May we be brave to walk out of abusive relationships and marriages…..

    ***Remember….No one has the right to make you unhappy…..its your choice…***

  70. Tt

    March 27, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    God help us

  71. Tt

    March 27, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    Women women a man’s background is extremely crucial in choosing a life partner;am not talking about the obodi oyibo men who have done all sorts of menial jobs including taxi drivin n u get abroad and see his standards is far beneath yours n out of low self esteem he resorts to battering u to get you to see him as what his not; we must marry men wt similar values as us ;please do not jump into a marriage becos a man has called himself a man of God; it’s easier to preach than to practice; am a feminist to the core n believe every woman wants to keep her home but we mustn’t do this at all cost; may their gentle souls rest in peace.

  72. Jacme

    March 28, 2012 at 1:39 am

    Hmmmm. Where does one start from on this issue? Well let me say that all of us are guilty one way or the other and it is a great pity. First, women are their own enemies because over time they have not learnt to control their emotions and be objective in relationship issues. Love does not connote lack of reasoning and objectivity. God is love, He loves us yet He chastises us when we err. The Bible says in Proverbs 3:11-12 “My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor detest His correction; For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.” In the name of love, we condone irresponsibility and animalistic behaviour. For me, what we call love and even die for in most cases are lust, low self-esteem and greed. These factors becloud our objective reasoning and enter into or continue in destructive relationships.

    Secondly, we often blame our so-called traditions and societal expectations that put us under pressure to marry or remain in a marriage at all costs. This is a false line of reasoning. Our society frowns at pre-marital sex or “sex outside marriage” yet all us are having sex outside marriage as if it’s going out of fashion and conveniently disregarding the same societal values. Why don’t women also disregard the same values that put them under pressure to get married or stay in an abusive marriage? Women put the pressure on themselves to marry or remain in marriages for varying reasons some of which are 1) fear for their imagined “shelf-life”. On Friday night I had the testimony of a lady who married for the first time at 50 years and married a wonderful man. 2) pride of just being a Mrs. 3) for sexual needs 4) for money/material cravings 5) to please parents. The level of desperation to get married or remain in a marriage for most women is so alarming such that some women get involved in inexpressible things. Consider issues of “jazzing” and even murder.

    Thirdly, most of our so-called men of God are hypocrites when it comes to the issue of marriage, divorce and re-marriage. A lot of them are guilty of the same spousal abuses and worse than infidels in their own marriages and quote Bible passages out of context to justify their hypocrisy and ideas. They often preach submissiveness on the woman’s part to the point of death but will not emphasize love on the man’s part to the point of death as Christ died for the church His bride. They are quick to quote “God hates divorce” in Malachi 2:16 without reference to or understanding the context in which God made that declaration and the historical antecedents thereof. See Malachi 2:13-16. Marriage is a covenant and am not sure spousal abuse is one of the terms. So when a man beats or does not take care of his wife is that not “dealing treacherously with the covenant wife of your youth” according to the Bible? How many of our so-called men of God stood on these Bible passage to call the men of their congregations to order.

    Their half-witted reliance on Romans 7:1-3 to say that there cannot be divorce and re-marriage unless one partner dies shows a clear lack of understanding and/or selective interpretation of the Bible. Paul the Apostle was not laying down a doctrinal rule of marriage but only using an existing legal marriage as an analogy for our previous sinful life or ways to die before we can marry Jesus Christ. In Matthew 5 and 18 Jesus laid down the grounds for divorce. Same with Paul in 1Cor.7. The same Paul stated clearly that a man who would not cater for his family is worse than an “infidel”. See 1 Timothy 5:8. The word of God is available to all but we choose to rely on Pastors opinion more than direct reference to the Bible.

    Truth is that the women use the Pastors counsel to justify their own weakness. So the Pastors are not to blame but the women themselves. Pastors do preach against sin in some cases yet we disobey them and still commit the sins. So why not disregard their opinions when your life is at stake.

    Police….. Just forget it unless you have enough money to bribe for temporary relief.

    Parents, siblings and other relatives can only be of help if only the abused woman has made up her mind to help herself. This is the difficult part.

    In all these, women please be your own friends. As one of the commentators said, if your brother or son is maltreating his wife try and correct it because some day it could be your turn or your daughter’s turn. Marriage is not a do or die affair… You can be unmarried and still be fulfilled as a person. It is a matter of choice.

    • Sid

      March 29, 2012 at 1:02 pm

      You have broken it down and given some wonderful scripture. I just love your comment!!!

  73. Jacme

    March 28, 2012 at 4:49 am

    Not forgetting the spiritual angle to domestic violence and other forms of abuses which satanic psychologists gleefully label “personality disorder”. In such cases, separate yourself and then call in Jesus the Deliverer to chase out the demons before you go back

  74. Ad

    March 28, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    So touching. I still cry in my heart. U were an educated woman, a professional for dat matter. Were U not practicing? He did all dat because U totally depended on him, & dat’s probably why he succeeded. Women liberation & empowerment, how do we achieve it??? I advice dat evry woman shld hv a strategy to hlp her survive. U don’t hv to leave, or die. If U hv a job, no matter ur salary, take care of urslf & make sure U are happy. Avoid him most times, don’t ague wit him cos he’s always right, withdraw ur love gradually & harden up.Wit time he’ll realize his foolishness. Pls be wise in all U do …

  75. wendy chucks

    March 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    hmmmm i finished d story bt men…. i had tears in my ears altru…m married n m scared rite now bt i swear to God if my husband tries dat or his family members i will snd …. to wipe dem away instead of been late its beta m a widow cos if i die life continues he had beta go down first. rubbish! OGO N STELLA S FRIEND DO REST IN PEACE WE WILL AVENGE ON UR BHALF!!!!!!

  76. ennie

    March 29, 2012 at 9:30 am

    I just can’t stop d tears from rolln. Dis is soooo touchin. Ogo, may ur beautiful soul rest in perfect peace n may ur kids find help. Violence MUST stop

  77. RealMan

    March 29, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Strange we are not seing the battle here. God set up marriage, devil is fighting to destroy it. Pls let us not say we must not get married, rather if we can do it within God’s spec it will be better. Devil just want people to hate marriage. It is agelong. He has used divers means eg celibacy, war, economy, moral decadence, elitist vices like swinging which is here with us now in nigeria, making of adultery etc. I am not staying you must stay in an ABR even if it was a mere slap following an argument pls let your early warning machine tell you to log this incident somewhere effective. Even if he begs afterwards he must go for counselling in the least. because if you just make up and make love honey that demon will rise again someday. I have had to do lots of couselling, what you will hear will shock you. Women please be wise, you should be treasured. Even if a woman scheme to marry a man should not pay with her life. Men , dont men also strategize to get what the want? Delibrate choice of words. And for those beastly men, bear in mind that people are becoming more aware.We should be careful. In history this was one of the things that gave rise to Mafia clans-where the law and law enforcement agents could not protect the people. Poeple invented their own justice system with its own unique way of enforcement. Btw Stella if you need real Men to volunteer for your cause pls IM me insitu. You are doing a great job.

  78. afolabi olabisi

    March 29, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    my prayer is women in such situations will speak out.

  79. tunmise

    March 29, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    RIPP Ogo and Stella’s friend….and may God punish those so-called husbands of theirs. even if they repent, may God not forgive them (God forgive me for this) and may they suffer the consequences of their actions. Ladies…no slacking o, we wld not allow any man to beat us down, we are strong even in submission. May God help us.

  80. bisayo

    March 29, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    i am a christian o but on issues like this i really disagree, if it is a sin God forgive me… But the issue is traits of violence would be noticed during courtship, Please ladies in your love drunk state be cautious if he shouts for no reason or hits you then you know what to expect in the future. There are many men out there o, if he hits you, he doesnt deserve you. MOVE ON!

  81. oyin

    March 29, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Am sad,bitter and annoyed. ogo story felt real. May Ogo soul rest in perfect peace, but God should please watch over her kids. I’ll repost the link on my FB page.

  82. if

    March 29, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    i think the woman must have written the story in pain before going in for the surgery with the hope that if she does no make it alive she would have told the husband how she felt and also let the world know and learn for her mistakes. she never married the man for money cos he was not an oil worker then and even if she did at the time of quarrel the cash will seize and she did have left. she was a pharmacist and it a lucrative profession. she didn’t just want to be a failure in her marriage and must girls wont back out of a relationship bcos a sister in-law wasn’t nice as long as the man is. Doing every thing to please the man was her mistake she regrets it too late. lets just learn men remember you have sisters and women remember u are a woman and u have daughters. what goes around surly comes around but thinking back sometimes frustration gets guys to do alot of thing not that its an excuse

  83. GheneGhenz

    March 29, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    This entry made me cry! As sad as the story of Ogo was, she could have left!! She put the love of her husband before her children and thus paid with her life. I would rather be stigmatized, divorced and alive with my children than a dead mother. Now her children are left with a psycho for a father. Everything has now been in vain. Such stories scare me from marrying a Nigerian guy, or any guy for that matter. Lord knows if a man laid a finger on me, he will BLEED! Internally, Externally! Na die we go die together by force! I just hope this can begin a change in Nigeria.

  84. Nnenna Onuegbu

    April 1, 2012 at 12:38 am

    What a life! I identify with the issues here. I went through an abusive marriage myself. I am glad I had the strength to walk out with a cut under the eye & still having problems with the said eye. It is still nothing compared to the situation these women have found themselves. The important thing is knowing when to walk away. I know that its not easy to walk, because physical abuse is not just a physical thing. The abuser attacks everything you live for – your emotions, character, intergrity, family, children , friends , job, you just name it. Even when you successed in seperating yourself from them, they resort to other means of abuse. However it is up to you to decide that no matter what, nobody will steal your joy from you. So long as there is life which you achieve by keeping yourself safe, your life will surely work out for good. I feel the pain of these women & that of the families involved. We come from a country where domestic abuse is not regarded as a crime & where murder is never properly investigated. People have gotten away with a whole lot of things & will keep doing so. We all need to learn to use self preservation skills. Even as I write this, my son is still with my ex family who have him because of the money they get from their brother not because they love him more than me. My ex remaried, lives with the wife & their baby but not my son yet he refuses to let me have my son with me. I know all these are meant to get at me but I know that one day my son will want to know why he is where he is. He who fights & runs, they say live to fight another day. Take care girls, its all real & happening to real people irrespective of social status.

  85. Fostable

    April 1, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Very touching. Abusive marriages are always messed up.

  86. Truth be told

    April 3, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    I do not mean to be rude what so ever but did you really read and understand the issue? what would area boys do to help? beat him?….Really put yourself in that situation. What would you do? you’re weak, your self esteem is gone, your mind and thought is being controlled. Seriously, c’mon……Think…

  87. Jamce

    April 3, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    @Truth be told, if you choose to be weak who do you blame? Where were you and your mind when “your self esteem” and “your mind” were going? It’s people like you who give room for these abuses in the name of love and marriage. Abuses to the point of violence do not start one day; the signs are always there but we choose to ignore them in a cowardly fashion until we are totally broken, defeated and at the mercy of the abusing spouse or partner. We must all learn to recognize abusive traits and patterns and either nip them in the bud or walk away from such relationships. Rather than “put myself in that situation” as you have suggested, I will walk away from that situation.

  88. Very simple Analysis

    April 3, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    Condemnation, condemnation, condemnation is what we all write. What is the solution?

    Violence is not Christ-like. Any one who is violent is definitely not a child of God. At salvation, we are purged of the old man and a new man takes over our being. Therefore violence is demonic and satanic.

    2. The above leads me to inquire from all who have encountered violent partners which kind of man/lady are you dating/planing to marry? See friends, if we do it the Lord’s way, we will have perfect peace.

    Most of us who claim we are christians don’t want the real born again partner. We say they are dull, they are boring, they ain’t fun to be with…e,t,c. If you are a born again xtian yourself and you marry one, you can never experience such cos being born again means God has worked on you inside out.

    God specifically told the Israelites not to marry from without but within the fold- i.e a born again like you. Heard devoted babes say to my face that they can’t date church guys they are this and that-deal with whatever you encounter from those who aint godly. Solomon had problems and his heart turned from God cos he married outside the fold.

    Most of us prefer those ones who can lie the future today, those who will bring those butterflies and give us fun. You have to choose what you want and don’t complain. The one with the inner/godly xter or the one with the outer quality.

    3. Bible is bible. The word of God stands sure and can not be compromised for anyone be it a pastor, you reading or myself. You can’t divorce simple. You can’t marry a divorcee when the former partner is still alive. If you do it the Gods way, fight can’t ensue not to talk of divorce. Read comments and suprised xtians said anyone can. Your opinion can never replace Gods word. Take it or leave it

    My God knew what He meant by that. For those who follows His instructions, they can never end up in divorce.

    4. Having discussed the issue of marrying someone with the heart of Christ, let’s now assume someone marries a man/woman who aint got the heart of Christ.

    I want to believe (pls correct me if I am wrong) that no man in his right senses except if he is insane, will lift up his hand and beat the lady he chased, proclaim he loved, paid her dowry etc. Ladies let’s be sincere with ourselves here, this thing is a two way affair. When you do it right and he does, the marriage will be right. We over emphasize and stress things unnecessarily. Opinions are not always right- be sure and have valid evidences before you conclude and accuse.

    Most times we are the cause of these bad incident. You catalyze and activate the fight aspect of it. Your bible and mine says be swift to hear and slow to speak, same bible says a gentle answer turns away wrath (prov 15v1) if he is high and angry, babe be quiet for that period later when he’s aiight then you express your grievances (and vice versa if its the woman too, the husband should) that is not weakness but wisdom and maturity.

    I keep repeating when you do the bible, you will save yourself from so many problems.

    In order to have peace, do your own part as he does his too. Don’t be nagging, shouting, doing a whole lot of female stuff and not expect the ungodly man you chose for yourself not to react. He is human you know. No plane flies with a single wing o-if you want peace, let both parties act accordingly as expected of them. Please be peaceful-yr gentle answer can turn away wrath/fight/quarrel. So the bible says.

    5. As you know that marriage was established by God, the devil has no other assignment than to wage war against it. So the devil wants many of you to be scared of it and have some kind of ideology against your partner. Don’t give room for him babes.

    I personally dislike articles like this cos I have realized as a child of God, that articles such as this are posted and written either by agents of darkness or people who allow themselves to be used by the devil to destroy the minds of so many feeble minded people. Already so many are scared and am sure will go with a biased mind against men-a simple question for you. Is that what your God promised you in your marriage? If no, discard things like this. As a man thinketh in his heart so he is.

    Jesus brought good news not bad news; thousand may fall at your side or ten thousand at your right but they shall not come near you. See its what you believe o. What bout marriages that are prospering and flourishing-why not put here to encourage people?

    6. As whatsoever thing that is good needs prayer to be perfect, so also does anything that is bad require prayer to be good. Spend more time in prayer to God for your family and marriage. Pray with your husband. Most babes don’t do during dating, relationship, courting and even in marriage. Fun fun fun all the way. It was when David was relaxing and having fun that he got into the trap of Bathsheba and all that followed.

    7. Avoid bad friends. Don’t listen to any ill advice by friends. You married the man not them. What we don’t know is that the devil can use anyone that is available to be used no matter how close. Don’t allow any friend to rule your home for you. You are matured enough to know what’s best for you.

    Those who know their God…hmm. I know my God o, wish you know the God you are serving too. Let 99 of your friends be going thru these stuffs, can never come near you cos you stand on Christ the solid rock, you do what is expected of you, married a man with Christ’s heart, you are a lady after God’s heart yourself, you act, do and apply the bible in all facets- heaven on earth will be your experience in your marriage.

    So much to say but I have said much. If I can find someone who agrees with me, by the virtue of prayer of agreement, standing on Gods word that whatsoever 2-3 shall ask in His name He ll do, we declare and decree that there is a calm in homes field with crisis and storms in Jesus name Amen.
    God bless us all.

    A child of God

    • InCotonou

      April 11, 2012 at 6:29 pm

      This is precisely the kind of self riggteous nonsense talk that makes all these Bible wielding phonies so annoying. Everyone else is evil, or under the influence of the devil, or have feeble mind, except you.

  89. please read

    April 3, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    Condemnation, condemnation, condemnation is what we all do. What is the solution?

    Violence is not Christ-like. Any one who is violent is definitely not a child of God. At salvation, we are purged of the old man and a new man takes over our being. Therefore violence is demonic and satanic.

    2. The above leads me to inquire from all who have encountered violent partners which kind of man/lady are you dating/planing to marry? See friends, if we do it the Lord’s way, we will have perfect peace.

    Most of us who claim we are christians don’t want the real born again partner. We say they are dull, they are boring, they ain’t fun to be with…e,t,c. If you are a born again xtian yourself and you marry one, you can never experience such cos being born again means God has worked on you inside out.

    God specifically told the Israelites not to marry from without but within the fold- i.e a born again like you. Heard devoted babes say to my face that they can’t date church guys they are this and that-deal with whatever you encounter from those who aint godly. Solomon had problems and his heart turned from God cos he married outside the fold.

    Most of us prefer those ones who can lie the future today, those who will bring those butterflies and give us fun. You have to choose what you want and don’t complain. The one with the inner/godly xter or the one with the outer quality.

    3. Bible is bible. The word of God stands sure and can not be compromised for anyone be it a pastor, you reading or myself. You can’t divorce simple. You can’t marry a divorcee when the former partner is still alive. If you do it the Gods way, fight can’t ensue not to talk of divorce. Read comments and suprised xtians said anyone can. Your opinion can never replace Gods word. Take it or leave it

    My God knew what He meant by that. For those who follows His instructions, they can never end up in divorce.

    4. Having discussed the issue of marrying someone with the heart of Christ, let’s now assume someone marries a man/woman who aint got the heart of Christ.

    I want to believe (pls correct me if I am wrong) that no man in his right senses except if he is insane, will lift up his hand and beat the lady he chased, proclaim he loved, paid her dowry etc. Ladies let’s be sincere with ourselves here, this thing is a two way affair. When you do it right and he does, the marriage will be right. We over emphasize and stress things unnecessarily. Opinions are not always right- be sure and have valid evidences before you conclude and accuse.

    Most times we are the cause of these bad incident. You catalyze and activate the fight aspect of it. Your bible and mine says be swift to hear and slow to speak, same bible says a gentle answer turns away wrath (prov 15v1) if he is high and angry, babe be quiet for that period later when he’s aiight then you express your grievances (and vice versa if its the woman too, the husband should) that is not weakness but wisdom and maturity.

    I keep repeating when you do the bible, you will save yourself from so many problems.

    In order to have peace, do your own part as he does his too. Don’t be nagging, shouting, doing a whole lot of female stuff and not expect the ungodly man you chose for yourself not to react. He is human you know. No plane flies with a single wing o-if you want peace, let both parties act accordingly as expected of them. Please be peaceful-yr gentle answer can turn away wrath/fight/quarrel. So the bible says.

    5. As you know that marriage was established by God, the devil has no other assignment than to wage war against it. So the devil wants many of you to be scared of it and have some kind of ideology against your partner. Don’t give room for him babes.

    I personally dislike articles like this cos I have realized as a child of God, that articles such as this are posted and written either by agents of darkness or people who allow themselves to be used by the devil to destroy the minds of so many feeble minded people. Already so many are scared and am sure will go with a biased mind against men-a simple question for you. Is that what your God promised you in your marriage? If no, discard things like this. As a man thinketh in his heart so he is.

    Jesus brought good news not bad news; thousand may fall at your side or ten thousand at your right but they shall not come near you. See its what you believe o. What bout marriages that are prospering and flourishing-why not put here to encourage people?

    6. As whatsoever thing that is good needs prayer to be perfect, so also does anything that is bad require prayer to be good. Spend more time in prayer to God for your family and marriage. Pray with your husband. Most babes don’t do during dating, relationship, courting and even in marriage. Fun fun fun all the way. It was when David was relaxing and having fun that he got into the trap of Bathsheba and all that followed.

    7. Avoid bad friends. Don’t listen to any ill advice by friends. You married the man not them. What we don’t know is that the devil can use anyone that is available to be used no matter how close. Don’t allow any friend to rule your home for you. You are matured enough to know what’s best for you.

    Those who know their God…hmm. I know my God o, wish you know the God you are serving too. Let 99 of your friends be going thru these stuffs, can never come near you cos you stand on Christ the solid rock, you do what is expected of you, married a man with Christ’s heart, you are a lady after God’s heart yourself, you act, do and apply the bible in all facets- heaven on earth will be your experience in your marriage.

    So much to say but I have said much. If I can find someone who agrees with me, by the virtue of prayer of agreement, standing on Gods word that whatsoever 2-3 shall ask in His name He ll do, we declare and decree that there is a calm in homes field with crisis and storms in Jesus name Amen.

    A child of God

  90. dannyilo

    April 4, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    This tale is really long but ineteresting however. A tragedy i must confence. This is to sound as a tip of the iceberg for ladies who marry out of desperation because they see others doing it. Marriage is not the ultimate thing in life. What is the essense of courtship in the first place? most ladies choose to endure emotional hardship in relationship in the name of love.

  91. honeymix

    April 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    oh my God! I am getting scared of this marriage thing cos av seen marriages wer d husband and wife fight so hard and they injure themselves.anytime i go visiting most of my family members who are married, d message i get 4m all dis is dat d wedding day is d only happy day in d marriage and after that day there is never any peace.sometimes even my father still says he wud beat my mum if she did wrong.i av 2 statr standn up 2 him even though am a lady.i rily dont know if i sud get married 2 d guy am wit now though am engaged cos am rily SCARED.

  92. iamfascinating

    April 8, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    As a Christian, I hate divorce, but separation is key where you are in a situation that your mental state, physical health and psychological balance is threatened. it just shows that you do not love yourself if you stay or do not create some distance at least. And if you do not love yourself, best believe that no one will love you. How do you love yourself?, first realise that you were created by the Almighty God and you are precious to Him. Also, he loves you more than anyone else can and you should know more about Him and love Him too. Ask Him to come into your heart and He will guide you in your life choices in the best way ever. The more you know His love, the more you build your self-esteem and love yourself. I attend Daystar Christian Centre and there is a message on self-esteem (Success Power CD). It will bless you richly.

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  93. Izadibabe

    April 10, 2012 at 1:23 am

    Came across this story initially via facebook and my blood was boiling so bad at how naive, clueless, desperate and sad this Ogo person was in allowing the abuse her husband dished to her and I will maintain till thy kingdom come that it happened only because she permitted it. I have a family friend who’s husband tried to get physically abusive with her, she locked the door then racked and wrestled this man to the ground, fighting him fire for fire, she even wore jeans shorts so she could hold her stance while giving her own blows. After giving as good as she got, her husband realised he didn’t marry a lame dog and has never tried himself again. We are beautiful nubian queens and we need to start demanding the best treatment from the men in our lives or be ready to vote with our feet. Nuff said!!

  94. Jamce

    April 10, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    In as much as I do not support any form of abuse in a relationship or marriage or even friendship, resorting to physical fighting as a defensive mechanism may prove fatal except the person attacked does not have a choice. But to really prepare and fight it all the way can prove to be very costly.

    If the man did not stop the physical abuse, it means that there would have been a daily boxing or “wrestlemania” match in that home. Now if in the course of the parties trying to outbox or outwrestle each other a fatal injury is inflicted on one of the parties or even death, the story would be different. When anger is triggered you can never tell the level of damage that could be done.

    I will suggest that we heed the advice of “iamfascinating” and “create some distance at least”.

    God bless you all especially ladies as you take the first step of helping yourselves by not accepting any form of abuse in the name of love (really it is lust) and marriage.

  95. anita okoro

    April 13, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    good good good this is a lesson for avery woman at their, aduse is something we most do some about. if a man love a woman he will lay is hand on her, and for we woman that say a woman house is her husband house. and for mother at their is not a bad thing if you tell your daugther”s ( abuse is not acceptable) that tradition that say we woman african woman should accept abuse is bad

  96. Tiffany

    April 14, 2012 at 1:25 am

    It’s real and it happens! Anyone can say what they like but u won’t understand until u are in a relationship d most painful 1 is marriage where u trust,believe,respect and love the person and u are been abused in everyway by that person. Funny enough domestic abuse is not just beating oooooooooo! So just imagine what the person would be going through alone and what they would be thinking not to talk of when u now have a child or children? That depression alone,low self esteem and the things you think about. I have brother’s who I love so much and are older than me but on no account because they are older would I support them to treat their wives or girlfriends in a bad way. I have never supported them and would never! Most girls forget that because their brother is married doesn’t give them the right to act stupid to their brothers wife same goes to the mother. U forget that when u do things like this to other peoples children yours would go through worse and more painful experience. Reading her story touched a place/ a spot in my heart. I would advice women to think of their kids and for Gods sake give ur self brain same goes to men in a situation like this. Love is not a do or die affair and trust me I know what am talking about. Your kid/ kids are the most important thing in d world to u. A word is enough for the wise

  97. Tiffany

    April 14, 2012 at 2:01 am

    Pls stop talking like its that easy to fight back it takes time and courage. Like I said u can talk if u have experienced it rather than bring up ideas that are not realistic to the person’s mental way of thinking.

  98. Sleekykay

    April 14, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    I was abused physically, financially and emotionally by my husband and in laws from hell, didnt have the courage to leave as i was childless, but once I gave birth to my child i wasted no time dumbing the husband from hell like its hot.

  99. ify

    April 27, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    what happens when you marry an unbeliever when you too are actaully an unbeliever and you subsequently give your life to Christ but are still stuck in an abusive marriage where the man has vowed to kill you if you don’t leave the marriage? i do not think that people who have neither seen these things happen firsthand nor experienced them in their own lives should try to trivialise it. The same Bible says God’s people perish for lack of knowledge, so what is wrong with posting stories like this and educating people that this kind of abuse is real and helping them guard against falling into a pit that has not benefitted any of its victims?

    It is better to leave an abusive marriage than to die there. I grew up in a home where my father would beat my mom to stupor and swore to kill her if she did not leave. My mother is alive today only because she walked away. The same Bible that hates divorce also commands men to love their wives.

    Again, please how do u pray with a husband who sees you as an unwanted flatmate? what do u do to a husband who wakes u up in the middle of the night and threatens to kill you if you don’t leave his house? hold his hands and clap them together so that you two can pray? Let’s not take this to an unreasonable level. The Bible also says in all things use wisdom.b Let us apply wisdom form God in tough situations. Like i said earlier, my mother did not die and leave her kids behind because she had the courage to damn the consequences, damn society and walk away. i thank God she did.

  100. ify

    April 27, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    *from God

  101. omalicha

    April 28, 2012 at 6:15 am

    And then after babes will be shouting marriage marriage i want to marry and this is the result abi??Thank you i will stay in my America and marry Colombian, Dominican republic and co. At least if they beat me i know police here will do something. But as for me dating a Nigerian Man. #HELLTHE- NO!!

  102. Jummy

    April 30, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Domestic abuse has nothing to do with your nationality,tribe,religion,skin color etc, its about the individual(man). Who is that man you are married to? What is his mental state of mind? Is he an angry and aggressive person towards people anytime he’s offended? So my dear, whether the man is an American, Colombian or whatever just pray that he doesn’t kill you before you can report to the police.

  103. ask women

    May 5, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    its all women.. the sister in law, the mother in law that started the problem.. why hate on your fellow woman?.. weren’t they all newly weds at one time with challenges? i tire for women..

  104. DEDE

    May 6, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    this is pathetic. To think that a man who claimed to love you now turns to hate you like this. I think it is high time men are also groomed and well educated before they take their brides to the altar. more time the concentration is on the woman. and men, the fact that the Bible said wives should be submissive to their husbands does not mean they are slaves. love, honour and respect your wife as much or even more than she gives you. to all the women in abusive relationships, the time to make that decision is NOW. Who knows. your story might be up her 2moro…….wise up

  105. CN

    May 7, 2012 at 1:16 am

    We can all shout and boil, but how many of us are making it easy for our sisters’ in-law and daughters’ in-law. If we all resolve to mind our businesses out of our brothers’ marriages or son’s marriages, things will e better.

  106. Facade

    May 12, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    Only God knows what truly happened in this marriage . rip ogo

  107. funmi

    May 17, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Sometime there some decisions that one has to make in life that is between you and your God, nothing to do with Pastor, your Mum, Dad, friends or your siblings but just you.
    As a woman you need to know your worth most men believe they are doing you a favor for marrying them and that is why its easy for them to treat women like a peace of rag.
    Always let your husband know that he is luck to have u don’t put yourself down for any in-laws.
    When a relationship is becoming abusive take a walk. May Ogo, Moladun Kenkelewu and other women that lost their life through domestic violence soul rest in peace.

    The rest of us let us be vigilant marriage is not by force and always remember you can’t change a man an abusive/violent person will always be

    God bless women all over the world

  108. Adetutu

    May 18, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    I couldnt help but feel shock; anger; pain and so many emotions while reading both articles. My Pastor told us sometime ago that if a lady is going through the domestic violence, she should leave and resolve the issue from “outside” her home pending when the matter is resolved. He says she should value her life and not stay in a place like the above. I just jope our women are strong enough to do this if ever they find themselves in this kinda situation…But then, it boils down to marrying right…the lady most times would have seen the signs.

  109. freedom

    May 28, 2012 at 6:41 am

    african men with their stupid african, illiterate mentality.whan a men raises his hands on a woman one time he will never stop doing it.this has nothing to do with being an illiterate or literate man, when a man is an animal, will forever be an animal. been in it too,got up after 15 years of verbal and physical aggressive,body aches, back pain and name it all.because a woman want to be referred to in public as mrs… will kill herself silently or because of the kids as some of our african parent will say.,it’s all bullshit and nonsense,women,let’s stand up for ourselves and save our life for better,happy and respectful life.we deserve to be happy for the rest of our lives and for our children sake.some men are not worth it for a dime.thank god for this part of the world i am(canada) and mty precious and loving family thatdo not take any nonsense from my so called killer,animal that calls himself my husband my foot.what a touching story.been married with children does not mean you can not find happiness in somebody else or can not re-marry.let’s break the chain and move on,i did it and have moved on with my kids.thank god for the courage he gave him.

    • janice kyomugasho

      June 8, 2012 at 9:41 pm

      Ogo’s story just like that of several other victims is sad and an embarrassment to these companions that God gave us,women! I pray that women will,learn to believe in themselves,trust their instincts enough to follow them and take the courage to walk away early enough. Sticking in an abusive relationship is not a sign of bravery and good naturedness but should be viewed as an injusice to one self !

  110. chiomy

    May 31, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    This is so pathetic, they would have left and pray for their marriages from outside , marriages can be broken and be re – amended again, honestly speaking is high time woman should wake up from their slumber as for men i don’t have any thing to tell them God will always send stronger women to matreat them and their families after they have done all this outrocities. my dear sisters lets also put this women (living ones) in prayers for God to open their eyes before and after marriage.

  111. jolly girl

    June 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Naija girls, u pple are funny, y dont these women leave? its sad but sometimes i feel its their fault, only u can actually say exactly wat u are goin through and if after evaluating your situation you feel your lifeis at risk my dear pack up an dleave, y should u b thinkin of what pple wld say? are they the ones gettin abused to death? I think we should all b string o, am young still 24 buh mehn thats y i have a job abd a degree, if any man messes with me am so out, and my dealing with him depends on his degree of f** Up. but until then am a sweet gentle angel.

  112. Canadian

    June 30, 2012 at 3:56 am

    Hmmmm… quite overwhelming. I must add that life throws a lot of expected and unexpected things at us. I was once in an abusive relationship for about 3 years.I was pretty much more of an introvert.I sucked up my own marital shit and never shared my problem with anyone. Down the line,it weighed me down to the extent that I was rushed to the ER ; I almost lost my life but God in his infinite mercy was there for me. After all that I went through,I made up my mind to move on,to become independent financially and emotionally.It was not easy ,I was barely 20 years, I was worried sick about what haters,friends and even family members would say.One of the things that got me going was the fact that I was true to myself. I had to damn what the bloggers and haters would say, I put myself first and turned a deaf ear to ever other thing dt did not matter as much as my life and the well being of my only child. Let as not loose sight of the fact that life is pretty short and we all hv just this one life to live.pls lets make the best of it. Is it worth it to die for a man or his family that doesn’t give a hoot about you? People that don’t luv you,don’t really count in YOUR life ,JUST DUST ‘EM OFF AND STEP !
    I searched within me and realized that it had to be me,myself and I. I had to be strong for my lil’ daughter.I wanted to be there for her so as to give her the best. I brought her up ,I am alive,still strong and God has brought a luving,respectful,thoughtful man my way. Please if you are reading this and u are in an abusive marriage/relationship…any form of abuse,please stand up,speak up,do something while you are still to your mum,dad,sibling,or friend. I am also willing to give you listening ears.We should be one another’s keeper while we still have life. If Ogo had all these people on her side while she was going through her shit,she may have made it but now she is dead and we are all here writtting….pls don’t wait till its too late. We women must say NO TO ANY FORM OF ABUSE!

  113. mz_nerd

    July 25, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    thank God for inspiring me to had taken karate lessons after ma graduation. hopefully wil get ma black belt before marriage. let me see d man that wil turn me into his punching bag..sad story

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