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How to satisfy a Man by Tobi Atte

BellaNaija.com

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How do you satisfy a Man? No really. Many women are really starting to get really frustrated about that question because they’ve been told that men are less complicated. Give him good food, good sex, don’t nag and you should have a happy man. They have been told that they themselves (women) are the ones that are more complicated.

Believe that, and you might have a man that sees home as the perfect mama put…where he can have his fill of stew and wild sex. He’ll like you. A lot. But he won’t be satisfied.

I never claim to know it all and not all these pointers will fit you, but understand them and you will certainly increase his level of satisfaction.

1)      Many times, Men are just as complicated and insecure (if not more) than women. Ok I said it. There it is. We are. Ladies, try to hold yourself back from turning this into an “I told you so” parade. Lol. It sounds cliché but it’s important you have this at the back of your mind and constantly remind yourself. They say that many women are very insecure about their bodies but we often forget that men are insecure about stuff too. Yes…their bodies, their lives, the responsibility of being the head of a home and the fear of not being able to do that well, the insecurity of reaching a point in life where they feel they are reaching mid life …and have no legacy to show for it, the insecurity of not being able to match up as a man based on society’s definition of a man…and so much more. Make no mistake. We often don’t have it all together. We don’t have a perfect plan, we are scared and we are just trying to do our best to make it. We are complicated.

2)      Understand his need to be understood: “You understand what I’m saying?” No. For real…do you understand what he is saying? Have you ever had an argument with your man…or a deep conversation and you notice that he is breaking it down step by step for you to understand? What about when you apologize about something you did and he says it’s ok but it’s still like he hasn’t let it go fully….yea this isn’t all the time but quite often, that reaction is because he still feels like you haven’t quite understood his point of view. You didn’t get the “reason”…the “rationale” behind what he said or did…you’re stuck at the junction of the emotional effect. For him, he subconsciously knows that even if he makes you feel better now, he has not really solved anything because you don’t understand the real underlying objective, practical, non-emotional issue. Only the manifestation your emotion has been resolved.(E.g: She is upset – She is crying – I have to resolve crying – Phew! Done – Crying resolved – Wait! Crap! – The real issue has not been resolved – Man brings up real issue – Woman says “you’re insensitive” can’t you see I’ve just been crying –Man goes back into shell that was difficult to come out of in the first place ) Here is a tip-For both men and women actually: When you are having an argument you are trying to resolve, literally say “If I understand your point of view correctly, what you are saying/feeling is that….is that correct?”, and watch how fast the walls come down. Your man needs to feel understood.

3)      Recognize and nurture the leader in him: Yes…it’s the 21st century and women are not slaves. They hold jobs just like men do and work just as many long hours. This is simple. If you feel that you have to always prove that you’re not a slave in the house, something deeper than the scope of this article is wrong with your relationship. Seek help. What I’m saying is that all things being fairly well, recognize it when he is trying to lead and encourage him to be a good leader. In fact, nurture that leadership. Remember that the best leaders depend on, elevate, develop, invest in, and recognize their followers.  In other words, the better a leader you help him to be, the more he will do the above listed for you. The mistake most women make is that they keep the gun cocked at all times so bullets can fly the moment they feel the man may be rising up to do what he naturally feels like he should do i.e Lead, in the name of not wanting to be anyone’s slave. Put the Gun down love…

4)      Sex is not a favor: It’s not something you’re “giving” him to reward him or taking away to punish him. Many women use sex as a power weapon and then are totally shocked when their men find it elsewhere. If you do that, you will breed a dog. You will get a good boy when he wants to have sex and you’ll get a housemate when it’s done. I recently heard something about the “pregnancy mask”. Apparently, some women use the pregnancy clause to mask the “sex power” issue. They have sex when they really want to and claim they are scared of getting pregnant when they want to punish the guy. If you are truly concerned about that, not to talk about the health hazards and the spiritual implications, my STRONG advice if you are not married is to pursue abstinence. Any good man will understand and encourage it.

5)      Listen to Biggie: Take this with a grain of salt.  Remember that song…. that line “You can be as good as the best of them but as bad as the worst but don’t test me”. This is a tough one for women so men, be patient. Here it goes. In every woman, there is the damsel in distress…or the need to be her once in a while. Every woman wants to be rescued once in a while. Cinderella, Rapunzel, Ariel the little mermaid and many other share it. How does that relate to us now? Well, sometimes it’s emotionally too. Women sometimes (Even though they admit that they really don’t set out to do so,…) do things or put themselves in those emotional mazes that requires them to be found, understood, taken care of, cradled, kissed understood, and forgiven again. Ask them why they did that and it’s a standard response “Honey I don’t know”. It’s like it seems to be that women have an insatiable desire to test the emotional limits of a man. Will he come rescue? How patient is he? How much does he really really love me? Ladies…fight that urge to “test” his love. If you both are in a committed relationship, there are already plenty of tests naturally built in.

6)      Oh thou score keeper: We are terrified of going into an argument with you ladies. Why? well one reason is that along the way, you seem to have this interesting ability to remember IN DETAIL all the scores of the last 4 arguments. It baffles most men how a woman can just recall an event or a conversation in detail during an argument and then the argument shifts from the current issue, to trying to defend/explain the past one or put it in the context that was meant back then. What most men do is to revert back to what is easiest. Outright avoidance. Nag needlessly about the dishwashing schedule a hundred times and you’ll see a stack of Styrofoam plates in the kitchen tomorrow.

7)      Understand his imperfection in love: Every man…at least “good” man, is constantly trying to play superman. We’re supposed to lead, to know it all, to have a plan, to be the visionary that sets the example and forges the way for his family. Underneath all that, you have to remember that there are imperfections. Many that we are told we cannot show. We want to be able to admit things like being terrible at personal finances or being terrible at “working the room” at a party. The reason we don’t show a lot of that, is because we don’t want you to see us as less than the superman we are supposed to be…so we shove our chest out, don’t ask for help, tell you we just have a lot demanding our finances instead of admitting that we are terrible at personal finances, or say that we are bored at the party…rather than say that we’d rather just stay by ourselves because we are either a bit shy or even worse, a bit insecure because all the other dudes in the room seem to  be “bigger boys and have it all together”. You my dear sweetheart should try to know what those imperfections are and create an environment where he knows it’s ok for you to know about them, help him work through them to improve…and that he is not less of a man because of that.

8)      Fill in the GAP: In other words, help work out the details. Most men are not able to pay attention to the vision and the details at the same time. Most women say they want a man with a vision but they don’t realize that they…the woman have a role to play….to help fill in the details. Your man confides in you that he wants to be a record producer for example, and you get excited at the “thought” of having a music producer man but stand back and wait for him to “accomplish” “HIS” goal…as if it’s not “OUR” goal. Go ahead and sit back, and watch him grope in the dark for creativity and outlets, and see how fast your relationship starts to look like the Titanic after it hit the iceberg. Get up, help fill the gap…look for articles about being a music producer and forward to him. Gone past that? Suggest a live show you heard about where new talents come to perform. Be his “manager”. Find outlets for him to improve the skills that will take him there. Bring him from cloud nine back into the engine room of the space shuttle that will take him to the fulfillment of his vision. The woman that can identify, improve, and help blossom the vision of her man becomes almost indispensible.

9)      When a man finds a wife….: Ladies, the Bible tells him that when he finds you, he has found a good thing and has obtained favor from God. Step back for a sec….no really. Step back and look at the relationship from the outside looking in. Does it look like his life is obtaining favor because you are in it? Does it look like you make things easy for him in general? Or does he look like he is more stressed out, inadequate, insecure, unrested when he is around you. If the answer to the later is YES, then well, c’mon sweet pea…lets dust off the makeup and get cracking at getting this man hooked on you.

FYI- If you haven’t already, make a detour right now and read the flip side: “How to satisfy a woman” – Click here

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This article was written by Tobi Atte, the writer behind www.ijustmetme.com – For more on relationships, motivation, personal improvement and more, visit the website but be careful. You might get addicted. You can also follow on twitter @ijustmetme

78 Comments

  1. tos tos

    April 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    This is tooo on-point!!! asinnnnnnn! soooo much wisdom!!! im soooo in awe!!!
    Great piece of writing!!! learnt soo much!!

  2. faith

    April 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    thanks…

  3. hauwa b.

    April 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Cute. Thanks Dude

  4. x

    April 25, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    This was actually a really good post. Very clear points, very realistic. Very helpful.
    I think women who truly want to ‘keep’ their men already know this. And if you do all this and it’s still not working, then he’s just not that into you.

  5. MAMA PUT

    April 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    NICEEEE!!!! MARRY ME, TOBI ATTE

    • Abana

      April 23, 2013 at 6:22 pm

      He is married! His wedding is featured on bellanaija.

  6. Olakunle

    April 25, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    LOOOOL
    Please what is this?
    Somehow, I worry about women who actually go out and hold this post as the end all be all for ‘satisfying a man’.

  7. myHairmyBeauty

    April 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    hmmm…very interesting. Definately noted some things.

  8. aisha

    April 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    just what i needed…thanxx bn

  9. Frida

    April 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    A man who does not know himself can never be satisfied spiritually, emotionally, physically, sexually, financially name it. Till a man decides who he wants to be and takes the time to nurture himself to be the best MAN he can be any woman can do everything to satisfy him and he will never be satisfied. So yes, support him, encourage him, have sex on demand, understand him, help him fill the gap, don’t keep score, recognize and nurture the leader in him but till he makes a conscious decision to be a MAN, it will all be in vain. I know. Just my 2kobo.

    • aj

      April 25, 2012 at 7:29 pm

      Frida you are smart! God bless you.

    • A k

      April 26, 2012 at 1:41 am

      Thank you!

    • Chikaka

      April 26, 2012 at 10:37 am

      100 gbosas for you. Very fundamental.

    • Tobi Atte - www.ijustmetme.com

      Tobi Atte - www.ijustmetme.com

      April 26, 2012 at 4:15 pm

      Hi Frida! Great point- Yes it is certainly important for a man to WANT to be a MAN. All things being equal, these tips should make a difference but they ar esurely not the answer to all. Great point. When they BOTH decide to be the best for each other, greatthings begin to happen

    • Frida

      April 27, 2012 at 2:11 am

      Absolutely. What I detest seeing is men expecting women (and vice-versa) to do all of this without realizing its a two-way street. Some assume that being born male automatically qualifies them to be MEN and I use the word MEN in the context of your article. If a woman does all of this and the man is not stepping up to the plate, it gets pretty exhausting and one can only take mediocrity for so long especially when they look to you for some semblance of leadership. If everyone would just step up their game, use some common sense and realize you get what you give, there would be a whole lot more fulfilling relationships out there. And that goes for MEN & WOMEN.

  10. Vikik

    April 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    I conqur

  11. Dede

    April 25, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    mtcheeeew! just an excuse for him to take U for granted…
    Rubbish and Nonsense!

    • Bewi

      April 26, 2012 at 5:06 am

      lmao

  12. doll

    April 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    what iv learnt in 3 months of marriage is respect, for some strange reasons i cant comprehend, guys seem to crave this. so yea, respect your man, dont emasculate him and you should be fine. Not to say you wont have your voice or your will!

    • Chiefo!

      April 26, 2012 at 2:13 am

      I agree with you. I’m quite easy-going but I almost got in a scuffle with my oga because I felt disrespected.
      Disrespect from a woman can be challenging because the same set of rules do not apply. There’s this guy who always gets in fights when he’s out with his wife (she disrespects him a lot) and it’s his subconscious way of showing her he’s not a punk.
      If his friends can’t talk to him the way you talk to him, chances are that he’ll feel disrespected.

  13. [email protected]

    April 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    very boring

    • pretty

      April 26, 2012 at 9:42 am

      Eewo!!!!!!!!!!!

    • keke

      April 26, 2012 at 11:08 am

      as innn. It was sooo boring, I could not even finish it. So much for cut and paste

  14. nwosu Juliet

    April 25, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    what a wonderful article. i really appreciate this.

  15. fy

    April 25, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Awww nice..rili nided dat number 8 point..fnx bn

  16. Janded

    April 25, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    What about how to satisfy a woman???

  17. faith

    April 25, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    i hear una
    hmmmmm is d only tin i will wr\ite

  18. christy

    April 25, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    I knw my guy &he knws me, we re open 2 each other,we are like best friends.dat work 4 me better

  19. tee

    April 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    i like this. makes a lot of sense. if you genuinely love him, you would do all this and more willingly.

  20. Turn turn turner

    April 25, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    I really wanted to read the entire article, I really did. But i haven’t got a week to spare

  21. Fatimah

    April 25, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Nice and very honest! Me likey.

  22. FORGET ABOUT NINE THINGS...ITS MORE LIKE TWO

    April 25, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    im a GUY. ill tell you its TWO things….good FRIENDSHIP + good SEX (trust me.lol)

    1) be a GREAT BUDDY/FRIEND to him in the TRUEST sense of the word
    ( fun to be around / loyal / honest / caring / trustworthy / and all the other attributes)
    2) give him a CONSTANT supply of GREAT SEX (trust me)
    ( different position / different scenarios / be the initiator / never use sex as a weapon/no excuses / be open to all his needs )

    DO THIS and i PROMISE YOU. he will be with you FOREVER

    • mimi

      April 26, 2012 at 12:20 am

      LOL so what’s in for the celibate females? Nawa. Oo

    • Purpleicious Babe

      May 4, 2012 at 9:25 pm

      looooooooool……………………………. what a joke.

      http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

    • lilly

      June 6, 2012 at 11:57 pm

      HAHAHAHA…true talk. Next up HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN!

  23. Anon..

    April 25, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    @ Farida, I totally agree with you. Some men are not just ready to be men. Many are confused and I think one of the biggest issue today relates to hw much women have stepped up their game. In my opinion, many men are intimidated, you have a good job issues arise.I dont believe in opening my legs for any man esp when i cannot sense commitment and dont forget women are very intuitive so you cant really fake it, the man that wants to get in between my legs has to be committed to me. In previous relationships, I did quite a lot listed here but still they did not work out, never complained, hardly nagged, never demanding (cuz im content and have a fairly good job) but still…anyways I believe I havent met him yet(lol). I dont know what works but I have decided to cast my care on God believing that at the appropraite time he will bring a man with whom I will be a good match!

  24. chinco

    April 25, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    Wow I agree more with forget about 9 things than d writer of this article. Lol @ d person who said ‘I haven’t got a week to spare 2 read d article’ #fact#. Also I’d say der r simply no strict rules, different things work 4 different ppl. So 3/10 to the author but if he’s d cute dude up der,(I doubt). Then I’ll add 2 points extra, lol.

  25. fashion icon

    April 26, 2012 at 12:13 am

    Shutup pls!no offence but u wud do al that and then he is on to d next once he gets d record deal!

  26. Anonymous

    April 26, 2012 at 1:13 am

    Frida said it all….. that statement was truth!

  27. Anon

    April 26, 2012 at 2:05 am

    Articles like this frustrate me. We humansa re used to seing this life as highly formulaic. We put everyone in a box and expect them to follow this norm that we call “society”. For once, we should just consider that not everyone is the same and what works for one man or one couple does not work for the other.

  28. Bewi

    April 26, 2012 at 5:21 am

    In any partnership especially marriage, communication and respect from both parties is fundamental.If they both respect each other then they will treat each other well. Everything mentioned in this post is also what a man should do to his wife.It seems like women are always charged with the duty of helping a man be a leader and helping him achieve his goals, what about the woman’s goals?The man too should nurture the leader in her and help her reach her potentials. In regards to sexual activities, if men pulled their weight around the house and did some housework maybe the woman will have enough energy to try different position / different scenarios / be the initiator (as a male commenter said). Lastly, i don’t believe there in leadership roles in marriage.It is a partnership and i think depending on the situation either one of the couple should be able to assume the ‘leadership’ role.

    Like i said, if you respect your spouse and treat them the way you want to be treated you will have a good marriage.

  29. Jazzmingurl

    April 26, 2012 at 9:11 am

    I tink d issue abt sex waz meant 4 doz dat ar married… Bt honestly u can only do diz wen u knw witin urself dat he’z da RIGHT MAN 4 u…

    • Idak

      April 23, 2013 at 5:23 pm

      can you write in English? This teenage writing style gives me migraine.

  30. SweetJoanna

    April 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Nice Article!!!! Thanks … exactly what i need now!!!!

  31. kreamy

    April 26, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Thumbs up Bewi!!! U just said my mind.

  32. CUKKA a.k.a badboi emeritus

    April 26, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    to satisfy a woman,
    compliment her, encourage her… meet her expectations, then help her to meet her aims and targets…that way , you’ll be a darling to her

  33. ify

    April 27, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I think some of the peeps criticizing this article should actually read the intro properly. He said: ‘I never claim to know it all and not all these pointers will fit you, but understand them and you will certainly increase his level of satisfaction.”
    if it applies to you, use them, if it doesn’t move on. They are also not a summary of all that a woman should do, just tips that may help someone who may just be confused or even frustrated at the moment.

    • Kunle Falae

      April 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

      Thanks Ify…..I second you.

    • Iamme

      April 23, 2013 at 4:46 pm

      God bless you Ify. Even after the author’s opening statement, some people are still quick to criticize as though he said it applied to everyone. The brother was only sharing a few tips (that may in actuality help the people criticizing). Some people really need to take the time to read before they make comments.

  34. Jamce

    April 29, 2012 at 7:08 am

    @Bewi, it can never work where the parties start to struggle for leadership position in a marriage or relationship. Don’t forget the old saying that two captains cannot be in a ship. The woman’s role is that of a helper. From my understanding is this role, the woman’s goals should be subsumed or aligned to that of her man. See Genesis 3:16 “To the woman He said:
    I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.” the attempt to change this order by our personal will that is causing more problems in marriages and relationships. Granted that a lot of men are now abusing this position of leadership, it is not an excuse for violation of the will of God. Men are rebuked also in the Bible for this violation. See Malachi 2:13-16 “And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, With weeping and crying;
    So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. 14 Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. 15 But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one?
    He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16 “For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.” See also 1 Timothy 5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever”. 1 Peter 3:1 “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,…”

    1 Peter 3:5-7 “For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
    7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

    In verse, God will not answer the prayers of husbands who mistreat their wives. This is shown in Malachi as quoted above.

    Mans leadership is compared to that of Jesus to the church in which the man must honour and defend his wife even to the point of giving his life. God did not institute man’s leadership position for the fun of it. Christian men and women must bear this in mind and not allow silly ideas of modernity to confuse them.

    • Bewi

      May 1, 2012 at 9:41 pm

      I am not advocating for a power struggle in marriage.I am saying there is no need for a leader. Lets leave the ‘leadership’ for the workplace and other impersonal facets of life. Each party should pull their weight and assume responsibility accordingly.

      The bible is ridiculously patriarchal in nature and subjugates women.(Lets call a spade a spade) . I do not subscribe to those parts of the holy book. Those verses you mentioned, mean nothing to me.

    • brittany

      June 17, 2012 at 1:45 am

      You sound like an atheist….MEN are supposed to be the head of the home…forget patriarchy..u should even be happy they are the head and they pamper women..
      pass the mic mehn

  35. carlton

    April 30, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Thanks for this post… quite a good reality check for those in relationships

  36. lebo

    April 30, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    iyooh thats scary

  37. CUKKA a.k.a badboi emeritus

    April 30, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    whats all this preaching? a man with no Godly foundation cannot appreciate a real woman period!.. How to please a man? Get him to know GOD first… Oda tins are fringer benefits

  38. Jamce

    May 2, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    @Bewi, could you please picture a family or organisation without a leader? If you want your family to be without a leader good for you. But I can assure you that chaos is what you will get because nothing will work. Even animal kingdoms do have some form of leadership to the best of my knowledge.

    If the word of God means nothing to you, you can create your own world, your own rules and live by them. Perhaps just like the serpent suggested to Eve in the Garden of Eden, he is suggesting to you that you don’t need God to play a role in your life or family and you can live your life the way you want. I guess you belong to the extreme school of feminism that stand in opposition to God’s order. I can assure you that there are countless people who have passed this same route and ……… Am sorry to say that Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson are recent examples. Perhaps, in your world, you will carry your pregnancy for 4.5 months and transfer to your husband for the remaining 4.5 months, then the nurses or midwives will magically get the child out from any of you. Am laughing.

    May be you want to apportion the weight and responsibility for each person for us to follow your line of reasoning. I can tell you that God’s word and order cannot be changed. It is either you bow to God’s will or you break… There is no middle ground. If you consider that the Bible is “ridiculously patriarchal” it is unfortunate. It is questioning the will and wisdom of God who made it so… This is the pattern of the children of Belial (the spirit of pride and disobedience whose king is Leviathan. Job 41:34).

    Godly marriage where there is peace and harmony is for only the humble (men and women) and not the proud and worldly.

    I pray that God will give you the spirit of humility to see life from the perspective of God’s word and abide accordingly. God bless you.

    • Bewi

      May 4, 2012 at 1:34 pm

      Micheal Jackson, Whitney Houston, pregnancy, nurses & midwives??… huh? *blank stare*!! Thank goodness you are laughing at those irrelevant remarks. *Now, joining you in laughter*

      I have been giving the ability to think so I can question Gods word if I choose to. I cannot wrap my head around concepts that proclaims I am a weaker vessel and that I need to be ruled by a man in a partnership we both decided to go into.
      Like most traditions, cultures and religions, Christianity was organized by the dominant gender and we know what men thought of women 2000 years ago. In 2012, I cannot live by prejudiced regulations that were made for by Hebrew people for the Hebrew people. Am I honestly not meant to question things like, I Timothy 2:11-14 “Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence” or 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church” or I Corinthians 11:8-9 “For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” Am I seriously supposed to smile and live by these blatant suppressive rulings????

      Am I a Christian? Yes, I would love to believe I am a follower of Christ. I love the way Christ was kind to everyone. I admire the humility he exemplified, his generosity and his tender heart and that is what I would like to bring into my marriage. A marriage where we follow Christ’s example and treat each other the way we want to be treated. A marriage where we live by “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). A marriage that is founded on the love of Christ, a marriage where we support eachother’s dreams and goals.

    • Damie

      May 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm

      Thank God for christians like youBewi. I’m a muslim and I take the same approach to reading the Quran. The same Bible (both old and new testaments) has provisions that support slavery. Please tell me if you have would gladly sell yourself or your daughter into slavery? Hebrew daughters were contracted into slavery. People like Jamce are the religious people we are tired of. You pick religion and drop common sense. God gave me a brain and the ability to question Holy Books. There are provisions in bothe the Bible and the Quran and the Torah that can be used to support and argue agains many views ranging from incest (many examples in the bible) to female subjugation to slavery.
      Please women have come along way to still subject ourselves to such balderdash.
      As for the article, having read both views, I just think the writer wanted to say something. Everything in both articles applies to both men and women. Why don’t we just move away from the articles of “keeping” or “satisfying” our partners and just get to the point of being happy for them. We are tired of rehashing these articles and the stereotypes are appalling. In my own relationship, my boyfriend is the nag and the score keeper (and do i love him any less? No). It is annoying but he generally makes me happy. Let’s just be the best we can be and stop these male and female generalizations. Thank you.

  39. ify

    May 3, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Very true, but for a man to wear this cap, God has to be his head. No head, no cap of leadership in the home 🙂

  40. JvsB

    May 3, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Gengen @Jamce and Bewie. Really interesting points and angles you guys have presented. oh please don’t stop now…

  41. Chioma

    May 4, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Thanks Tobi Atte. very nice write up and it will definitely work with the right man.

  42. Purpleicious Babe

    May 4, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    From reading it, iliked the article and thought it made alot of sense. I am sensing with my sixth sense you have z lady that is already doing this for you or more for her too..

    My two kobo, I cant give the best of me to somebody that is not ready to give the best of himself…. It takes hardwork and GRACE from GOD to build a great relationship and that has to be understood by both individuals.

    Am sure alot of ladies have been there done that and NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT. THE man still walks out the door….. soooooo it all depends on the mentality of the individuals in it..

    http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

    • Purpleicious Babe

      May 4, 2012 at 9:34 pm

      i meant a lady not z lady…lool.

  43. Jamce

    May 4, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    So Bewi can quote Scriptures from the same word of God that makes no meaning to her. Am glad that at least you can quote the Bible, if only for the verses that do not go down well with your feminist views of the modern 21st century woman of achievements. This selective study and application of the word of God cannot help us in addressing and resolving the problems in human relations, particularly marriages.

    Now, does the mere fact of having a leader in any organisation make the rest members slaves? NO! Every member accords the chosen leader his/her respect and follow/help to achieve the organisational goals. From time to time, meetings are called to discuss issues and the direction of the organisation with each one making contributions from their areas of strength or expertise. Each member makes his or her contribution accordance to the gifts, talents and functions to which they have been assigned. Yet the leader drives or gives direction for the group. So it is with a family unit.

    The problems we have today are the result of the attempts by humans to override the law and order that God has created to live a self-seeking life of pleasure and convenience as dictated by our carnal nature. As Isaiah 53:6 puts it: “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”

    Let me quickly addressing the issue of Paul’s injunctions in the Bible such as the ones you referred to.

    Paul was careful to tell his readers the commandments he received from God and those he gave by himself. See 1Cor.7:12, 25. He did not arrogate a cast-in-stone authority of the commandments to himself. They are not commandments from God but “directives”.
    Paul gave the “directives” according to his understanding of the Scriptures and with the cultural settings of his time as you pointed out. Yet his teachings has today given us a better understanding of God’s word. However, God’s word stands sure and it is very dynamic. I believe you know that Deborah was a prophetess and a Judge in Israel. See Judges Chapters 4-5. She was appointed and given authority by God yet under a husband (Lapidoth) at home.
    Contrary to your understanding and belief, the word of God has not in any way try to enslave any gender. It is us humans who misunderstand and misapply the word according to the dictates of our flesh to enslave ourselves and each other. In fact, God’s word brings liberty, but every liberty has its price and limitation. In Matt.11:29-30, Jesus enjoins us to exchange our yoke for His own yoke. Our yoke is satanic deceit and oppression while that of Jesus is obedience to the word of God and assurance of eternal life.
    So for those who choose to live by the commandments of Jesus in righteousness, there is liberty and power.
    Just as Ify said, for a man to lead his family well, he must have God as his Leader. Same thing Paul said in Ephesians 5:22-33

    “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

    May I ask if these admonitions represent the rules of a slave camp?

    Unfortunately, not many men or women have God as their leader. We often times call God’s name when it is convenient.

    Any man or woman who has the fear of God would of necessity live a sober and responsible family life devoid of worldly expectations which we all seek in most marriages of today. This applies to both men and women.

    Be rest assured that when God gives a command (whether general or personal), those that have understanding will always know that it is for our own good. For God says in Isaiah 55:8-9

    “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

    What should we do? Repent and return to God for He is merciful.

    I had in the past questioned and rebelled against God’s word and lived by my own life based on my own knowledge and understanding (good degrees and career to be proud of then) and paid dearly for it: if not for God’s mercy it could have been my life. I am wiser today and I have peace that I could never have imagined. If we humble ourselves (mortify our carnal nature) and diligently follow God’s word, great peace and life in abundance awaits us even in the troubled marriages and relationships.

    Shalom.

  44. Oreoluwa

    May 6, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Amazing advice!!!! Women who read this should absolutely take this advice.

  45. deb

    May 10, 2012 at 10:29 am

    if we are practicing all this advice with a Godly individual it sure will work if not it wil just be waste of effort

  46. Olufunmi

    May 12, 2012 at 9:58 am

    @Jamce: you’ve made “true” christians and i’m sure God proud. may HE continue to strengthen you.
    @Bewi: I pray God clears all your doubts, and wipe out any bitterness in you. but be careful with your comments, so as not to bring a mockery from ‘unbelivers’ to the body of christ… Galatians 6:7
    also note, not all who think they are christians,actually are.
    mathew 7:21-22:
    “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ 23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!

  47. thisisEseosa

    May 13, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    I agree with deb. And you both should be ready to make the relationship work. Even if you do all this and much more, if he’s not ready, he’s not ready.

  48. Renny Vonne

    May 18, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    I love the point of loving him despite his imperfections. A lot of women have the biggest problem doing this

  49. Precious

    June 18, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Good write up , Plus d writer is a fine boy .

  50. julia

    June 19, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    God bless you @jamce….. nice write up……

  51. uchenna

    July 18, 2012 at 5:33 am

    True talk my friend!

  52. LOUDA

    August 22, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Very interesting but I must say all these should be done for only a man who is ready to do so for you too. Never give your all to a man until he puts a ring on it. Guys can be very tricky. I am presently considering walking away from a wonderful relationship that is fast going sour simply because I refused to satisfy his physical needs having waited for almost 30 years. Will someone expect me to put in my very best just to make him feel on top of the world when he is not ready to do so for me. . Nahh overself esteem dey worry me sef.

  53. Ashekem

    September 3, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    wa ooo, this is very educating
    Thank you.

  54. jemisan

    January 16, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    This is really educating and nice.thank you for your words.

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