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Argh! Whose Wedding is it Anyway?

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their wedding, our marriageIt had been a while since I last attended a wedding and I was starting to miss all the things that made it so special; from the themed colours to the owambe after party; I was ready to get back on the wedding scene. I made that decision on time too as my friend, Boma’s wedding was right around the corner.

On that fateful day as we applauded the couple and lined up to present them gifts I immediately noticed Boma looked sad and a bit overwhelmed. I got up the stage, dropped the gift and walked over to give her a hug and possibly ask what was wrong. She then pulled me aside and said “Did you enjoy yourself?” I said yes and asked what was wrong. Then she explained “You know, funny enough the wedding plans started off as mine, but right now I don’t even recognize my wedding“. It turned out that  her husband’s parents had commandeered the wedding plans; and now, even as the big day had arrived and there were no do-over’s, Boma felt she hadn’t taken part in her wedding plans at all.

As she flew off for her honeymoon she left me thinking; why does this happen? Is it boy meets girl, boy likes girl and proposes, boy and girl plan wedding, get married and live happily ever after boy and girls parents plan the wedding, their kids get married and live happily ever after?

As I tried to understand this, I went in search of the definition of the term wedding. One of the definitions I found was “A marriage of ideas”. Now the question here is whose ideas? The couple’s or the entire family’s? I’ve always believed that planning marriages was more than just that; it was a test to truly see how that couple could work together when it came to preparing for something hugely significant in their lives. It is like the first test of true companionship between husband and wife. Should we let our parents take over that time?

I’ve also found out that there are some couples that have already come to a compromise. “They can have the traditional, we will have the white wedding”. Is that how it is now? Understanding that a wedding is as much a family affair as it is the couple’s affair, isn’t there a limit to everything? When I consulted a friend on this matter she explained that “the main reason why couples would gladly have their parents plan their wedding is because they have done it before. They can get the right caterers, use their connections to get the venue, and most times they are co-sponsoring the wedding. So it’s like we give you money – You let me handle the plans. I wont let that happen to me though, because it’s my wedding.

Trying to get a different opinion, I went to the one person I know loves weddings, even more than BN. Even though I was expecting a ‘why wont I plan my daughters wedding’ answer, this was what she said “I will not plan my daughters wedding for her. She is a grown woman who is about to start her life with her future partner; the wedding, believe it or not is the beginning of their lives together. That’s why it’s called their ‘Big Day’. If she wants my opinion I will be more than happy to give it. But to start looking for a caterer and working out seating charts, heck no.

Granted, some parents want to plan their children’s wedding because they probably feel it’s their last duty before that child goes off on their own. It can be compared to a passing out parade; they have doe their jobs, now it’s up to the kids to show them how good a job they did. The question however is how much of that control should they be given? Some parents already decide what tribe and race their kids will marry from, will you add planning your wedding to the list? Will you pretend to put your foot down but let them carry on with the wedding plans, let them know it’s your turn not theirs or be bold and send them an invite and directions to the venue when it’s close to the wedding date? Let’s discuss.

Jennifer is the Beauty Editor & Style Representative of BellaNaija.com. Get in touch - Send an email to: beauty(at)bellanaija.com or style(at)bellanaija.com | Follow us on Instagram: @bellanaijabeauty OR @bellanaijastyle | Follow us on Twitter: @bellanaijastyle

68 Comments

  1. ij

    May 14, 2013 at 11:42 am

    my dad is all for leaving him out of wedding plans, as long as the date you have chosen does not clash with one of his many annual church / town meetings.
    Just so its not like he is not supportive he will offer to liaise with the priest on your behalf with regards to the church wedding, apart from that you are on your own oh.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      May 14, 2013 at 12:05 pm

      Biko ij do we have the same dad? cos that sounds just like my dad and my elder sister’s name is also ij. looool! You forgot to put important burial.

    • ij

      May 14, 2013 at 3:18 pm

      ah thank you how can i forget the all important burial and ordination

    • Berry Dakara

      May 14, 2013 at 1:34 pm

      LOL!!!

      I feel sad sometimes because I don’t think I’ll have the wedding I want. But I’m obstinate enough to put my foot down on certain aspects. It’s unfortunate that weddings in Nigeria cost so much and you have to be mindful of extended families. Left to me, my hubby and I’d take our immediate families and best friends, go somewhere exotic and get married.

  2. I think from the minute the wedding planning starts you have to already have a SOLID plan, then as it goes on you can make little changes you make all parties happy. If you go in without a plan you might as well forget it because most likely your voice will be drowned. Hey and do not be afraid to say NO!

    • Okechukwu Ofili

      May 14, 2013 at 3:14 pm

      abi o…too many kids getting married are too addicted to pleasing their parents on the wedding day. its your day not theirs…control it!

    • Deedee

      May 14, 2013 at 3:25 pm

      It is your day, control it. You don’t control it with your mouth, you control it by writing the cheques. The majority of people have their parents pay for the bulk of the expenses, so what are you saying again about control? You want to control, then put your money where your mouth is. Oooooh you would rather have a small wedding, oya we know how much “small” weddings cost in Nigeria. A lot of couples can’t even afford small weddings on their own. So, while we all have plans of weddings of our dreams, you better have your payment plan as part of those dreams because those dreams are not going to pay for themselves. That is the mistake many many people make. Perosnally I only have dream plans for stuff we can pay for, anything else I can have ideas but if they are going to give me headache and stress about it, I surrender, they are the one’s paying.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 14, 2013 at 5:10 pm

      @Deedee, if you don’t mind, I have to disagree with what you’ve said. My mother has always told me that the pride of any parent is (1) Giving your child a great start to life with a great education (2) Seeing your child settle into a rewarding career path; (3) Watching your child take steps to settle down with a family of their own and giving them best wedding you can afford.

      Saying that a young couple should put their money where their mouths shows me why many-a-young person in Nigeria can’t open their mouths to challenge older people. That’s like saying because their fathers paid for their education, these same children are expected to completely handover the decision-making process of every step taken while in University to their parents. Or because your mother gives you pocket-money as a young adult, you should hand the money back to her so she can spend it properly for you.

      No, control is not what being a parent is all about. Especially when it comes to your grown-up children who genuinely want to have their own special day. Even God that blesses us with wealth, how many times do we return to Him and ask for directions for how to spend our money? We’re fine to go ahead in our earthly wisdom and invest or carry out those projects with those blessings we’ve received, yet you’re trying to justify some egomaniac parent wanting their child to run every decision by them just because of that one cheque he/she wrote for the couple? No, ma’am. Count it as a blessing if you’re a parent that can afford to pay for your child’s wedding, a good child will still come back to involve you in the planning, anyway.

    • Tiki

      May 16, 2013 at 3:14 pm

      @Deedee, the only reason ‘a bulk’ of expenses exist in the first place, is because a lot of young people are more concerned with being able to compete and show off than planning a wedding they can actually afford. Tailor your wedding to your budget, not the other way around.

      Plus, the fact that your parents are paying for the wedding does not mean that you should let them control it. After all, the money is a gift borne of love, and not a manifestation of the-carrot-and-the-stick approach.

      Then again, I don’t know your parents.

  3. biolamoyo

    May 14, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    two heads they say are better than one, i cat do it all…. i need a fresh face for my wedding, so i dont plan to go through stress before my wedding. i trust my mum when it comes to parties, so i can leave it 2 her and i handle the necessities

  4. Mo'blezzin

    May 14, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    it’s a cycle that won’t end jare…my grandma planned every bit of my mum’s ceremony to her taste possibly ’cause her own mum had taken over her’s, my mum returns the favor and lived vicariously through my sisters and I’s weddings and now because I feel like I didn’t have a wedding I’ll try to recreate my own dream wedding through my daughter’s…and so it goes on…

    • wedding planner

      May 14, 2013 at 2:06 pm

      break the cycle. throw yourself a 10th or other wedding anniversary and plan the heck out of that. it will get it out of your system and you’ll be more than willing to allow your daughter her chance 🙂

  5. pynk

    May 14, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    give them the trad, keep the formal. Everybody is happy.

    • Joan

      May 14, 2013 at 1:10 pm

      THANK YOU!!! I keep saying this: trad is for them to do whatever they want, formal wedding na my property lol.

  6. Amazeballs!

    May 14, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    I did the “have the traditional and ill have the white wedding” with my parents. It mostly worked out okay but they also wanted to try to take over things for the white wedding. It all really depends on how firm you are and how understanding/liberal your parents are. if they have their way, they will surely take over.

    I remember our first dance at my wedding; i had planned with the dj the songs to play, i even had a sequence locked down. Thats how as the third and final song and might i add best song came on and i was about to go wild on the dance floor with my hubby, next thing, my father bursts onto the dance floor with his agbada to come and start dancing with us. ofcourse my mom and then my hubbys parents followed, i was SOOOOOOOO mad!!!!! to top it up, the band then cuts the dj off to start playing one yoruba song, at that point i literally left them on the dance floor and went to sit down. When my husband saw i had left, he promptly followed suit.

    • lola

      May 14, 2013 at 2:07 pm

      ROFLMAO!!! *sigh* I dont know why naija parents cant remain on their seats.

    • creamy

      May 15, 2013 at 10:45 am

      ROTFLOL! i can just picture it, its not their fault tho, i think there’s a default rule at weddings once the couple is dancing money must be sprayed on them, maybe the MC should have stated it that the couple want to dance and they don”t want to be interupted.

    • Berry Dakara

      May 15, 2013 at 11:32 am

      LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! That’s hilarious. And sad too. Awwww. Parents sha.

  7. mariam

    May 14, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    well for my wedding 5yrs ago i had all d plans on what i wanted and my family did all the leg work (my 2 elder sisters) cuz they know i’ll shout on them so they followed all i asked for. not matter what as long as you have a plan set out for your day even if your parent would make everything happen, they still use your plan. but like Ij and Nwanyi said Na my papa programme determined the date oooo “smiling”

  8. Deedee

    May 14, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    When you decide to pay for your own wedding then you can call the shots. Until then y’all should stop whining. With the millions of naira it takes to plan a Nigerian wedding, you want your own wedding when your only contribution will probably be your clothes and wedding rings. My dad will say to you, Ogbeni will you keep shut there. He who plays the piper dictates the tune. It is the last party they will throw for you and they have been looking forward to the day since your graduated from university. So free them it is part of the rewards of parenting in ou culture. You have loads of other parties that they will just be spectators at e.g birthday parties for your kids, wedding anniversary parties, house warming parties naming ceremony parties – my bestie’s father in law planned that one sha because of the archaic Yoruba culture of you go to your baba oko’s house to name the baby. So, free them. I say to people if it is your day truly truly then pay for it. If it is your day and not for everyone else then go to the church just you and your beloved, choose 2 witnesses and call it a day, but if you want the family to be involved and celebrate with you, it becomes a family day so you just have to let go. It is only one day, okay two and it is the success of the marriage afterwards that matters
    For your counterparts abroad the majority of them pay for their own weddings with little contribution from parents. So we are not oyinbo. Bobo and I have planned to have 3 ceremonies. One a destination wedding for just our close friends and family who live around us here. A 1 – 3hr (max) flight to a gorgeous destination that we will pay for ourselves and dictate. Then off to Lagos to party Gidi style for church wedding and trad. let both families go all out, I won’t even break a sweat but to show up and look pretty. We have alrerady had our own wedding so the other 2 are jsut formalties.

    • Nkem

      May 14, 2013 at 3:45 pm

      Your first paragraph is soooo true! Especially when you have parents that roll with the high and mighty.

      Omg! I attended a wedding year, where we waited from 12 pm (when the church service ended) to 3 pm for a minister to arrive. As in they had guests wait three hours before they could start the reception. Jeeeze!
      As if that was not enough, there were mascots; all those guys that paint their bodies with white paint and move like robots doing funny things around the hall. Apart from the dj the couple brought, their parents brought a life band, their village traditional music group also performed, their village women association too performed. They had 2 MCs; one from the couple and one from the parents. Then all the politicians that came around had to give a word of advice to the couple. It was just too much going on. I left there feeling like i had just attended a political rally. A young couple, both of them less than 28 didn’t even have time to dance with their friends. They even almost forgot the best man’s toast sef. My cuz who was the maid of honour didn’t have time for her speech. Everything was soo funny. Sure the parents felt fulfilled, no be small crowd that day. But I’ve known the couple since we were kids, I can bet that was not their idea.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 14, 2013 at 5:25 pm

      @Deedee, these your generalizations aren’t necessarily correct. Two of my oyibo colleagues invited me for their weddings – the first one held last year and it was swanky, held in a nice hotel, large numbers because of the amount of family bride & groom had and the bride told me her parents paid for it because she and hubby couldn’t afford a wedding after buying their house (her mum even surprised her with a pair of Jimmy Choos to wear on the day).

      The 2nd wedding hasn’t happened yet but the bride is very popular and they needed a reception big enough to fit in all her guests. Her fiance doesn’t have a regular job but trust me when I say this is going to be a massive wedding and guess who’s going to foot the bills…
      I think around the world, most parents (who can afford to) generally host their children’s weddings. I also found out from my interaction with oyibo folk that a lot of parents also help their children out with buying houses (again, if they can afford to).

    • slice

      May 14, 2013 at 6:10 pm

      you are very correct. young people in the States are not always as independent as some people think.

    • new bride

      May 14, 2013 at 6:11 pm

      That’s why they’re oyiibo! Naija parents don’t roll like that. If they’re paying, they’re definitely having a say in what happens on that day!

    • Dunni Obata

      May 14, 2013 at 8:09 pm

      I remembered to come to BN today for the express reason of hounding you as I have started updating the blog with more recipes. My dear, where is the Ofe Nsala recipe ooooooooooo? Lol

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      May 15, 2013 at 11:00 am

      Hahahahaha!!! Dunni Obata, you won’t kill me… 🙂 No vex, my cooking works according to my cravings (single gal culinary issues) and I waka’d pass the Ofe Nsala because I decided vegetable soup was calling my name. However, I have some cooking to do in a couple of weeks (coincidentally, it’s to do with a wedding and I’m supporting the “come chop” event after the couple’s Sunday Thanksgiving). Therefore, watch your inbox and see if I don’t come through 😉

    • Dunni Obata

      May 15, 2013 at 5:11 pm

      Ghen, ghen, ghen. Inbox awaiting. Whoop, whoop

    • Anonymous

      May 14, 2013 at 7:31 pm

      ahn ahn madam!!!na you own the world.. 3 weddings..I aint even mad or envious…when u finish and u cant eat for three months, no blame baba GOD oh.. *just being a hater*

      all the best in the formalities and hope it goes welll

  9. Deedee

    May 14, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    pays the pier*

    • Naveah

      May 14, 2013 at 3:02 pm

      you were right the first time…it is PIPER.

    • Deedee

      May 14, 2013 at 3:18 pm

      Aunty are you okay at all. I was correcting the plays the piper in my original comment and came back to correct the plays by typing pays. The “pier” was metyping in a hurry I didn’t even realise. Does pays the pier make sense to you or anyone? mschew

    • Naveah

      May 14, 2013 at 5:26 pm

      abeg o no vex, i didn’t see the mispelling of the other word. i honestly thought you thought you misspelled the word. what i said was not in sarcasm or to make you out to look stupid, it was an honest “make I help my sister” moment which you failed to recognize. no wahala. na me carry myself come collect insult, issaawright.

    • Anonymous

      May 14, 2013 at 7:27 pm

      ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha LMAAAAAOOOOOOOO

    • durrrrr

      May 15, 2013 at 9:36 am

      hahahahahahahahaha
      who first send u dey
      pock nose

    • slice

      May 15, 2013 at 2:57 pm

      lmao. you are funny and so right. I thought you were just being helpful but you know sometimes when you’re already arguing here, it can be hard to see that someone is on your side.

  10. wedding planner

    May 14, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    i love planning weddings. the best way i think is for all important parties to OWN the wedding. the only way they OWN it is if you give them somethings to focus on and take some. Before the whole thing starts, just say mum i’d like this particular venue or this particular decorator, everything else regarding this this this is all for you to handle. Get her excited about how much of her touch will be on those things. She can pick aso ebi for her family, but you’ll pick for your friends (afterall mum, i know what they like). you’ll pick your dress but she’s welcome to invite as many as she wants. you’ll pick the decorator because there’s this picture you saw somewhere and it was really nice (show it to her). and on it goes. Even friends get a say when I plan. The friend that likes a particular song will likely hear it played b/c I’ll ask the DJ to include it.

  11. LILLY

    May 14, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    personally i am all for my parents and hubby’s helping with d plans. they assisted whenever we asked. as for my trad, i was content just dressing up and showing up coz my parents took care of everything all i did was tell them my colours & it was beautiful. as for d formal, hubby & I took charge with the inputs of our parents.

  12. neon

    May 14, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    Unless you are willing to pay for your wedding then no it is not ‘your wedding’ if the parents are paying then they call the shots.

    I did the let them have the traditional wedding and i had the white my way! as in, my parents didnt even know what the day was going to be like, they didnt even dance in. it was my day, my way, strictly by invitation etc.

  13. Naveah

    May 14, 2013 at 3:15 pm

    Before you accept the check, set the ground rules and if it appears that both sets of parents are going to be overly involved then say NO and pay for your own wedding. I married a non Nigerian and his mother was a pay in my behind about the guest list. We paid for our own small wedding and we were fine with it but his parents insisted that they will pay for the grand reception. We had to limit our amount of guests because his mother was hell bent on squeezing in every single body whose wedding invitation she has ever ever honored onto the list. So at the end, it really became about them and I was a litte miffed. I looked at it and made up my mind to simply have a good time which we all did after all it is one day and it is her only son. My reception is till talked about 3 years later and nobody had been able to top it. NOW, when it came to my children’s dedication at church, she firmly took the seat I gave her lol

  14. Naveah

    May 14, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    *pain

  15. lolly

    May 14, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    hmm, we wanted 300 guests, and my dad looks at us like we are crazy…..”do you know who we are in this town, my first daughter`s wedding can`t have only 300 guests, you ppl had better plan for 1,500….why are u kids being selfish?, i told him that hubby and i can only afford 300 guests he would have to feed the remaining 1200….that settled it. I mean, why do they have to invite the whole world?- office people, club people, village meeting people, age-grade people, knights and ladies of the church, mother`s union,church harvest committee, i tire ehhhhhh….Hubby also made sure to get a stern emcee, who stuck to the program like glue and didn`t allow any interruptions…

    • zsa zsa

      May 15, 2013 at 5:44 am

      [email protected]”why are u kids being selfish?”

    • Tiki

      May 16, 2013 at 3:21 pm

      loool. I have told my parents that they get half of what I am getting in terms of guests, irrespective of what they are giving me as financial contribution! They are assisting me, not buying my wedding off me. 1500 people how? Nope, this is not a church bazaar.

  16. Lola

    May 14, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    I honestly think that you can strike a balance. I got married a few weeks ago and trust me my mother owned both the traditional and white wedding. I gave her the free hand to pick whatever vendors she wanted and all that but i also put my foot down on what i wanted to wear (both trad and white), what songs i wanted to dance to, the pattern of the wedding reception etc. I realized that the wedding was not only about my hubby and I but about my parents, his parents, my sisters and brothers, his brothers etc. My mum was simply amazing although there were times i wanted to kill her!!!! I decided to enjoy my day and that worked for me. The truth is that i couldn’t have afforded the wedding that was put up for me and being the last born and last girl, my parents went all out to dazzle. I had also learnt from my other sisters when they got married to just not bother trying to get it done my way, the fights were not worth it. Trying to compromise with the parents is the only way to make it work.

    • Deedee

      May 14, 2013 at 4:02 pm

      Big hugs. You are a very smart woman for relaising that. I bet you were looking relaxed and refreshed on that day because of that realisation. No stress. People it is not your day o, really it isn’t.

  17. Deedee

    May 14, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    realising*

  18. Amaka

    May 14, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    First, I won’t allow my parents to plan my wedding because theirs was back in the days. This is the now; i’m in the now and i’ll be fulfilled planning my own wedding.
    Of course my parents will still sponsor the wedding, after all, they are my parents even after the wedding.
    Parental advice will also be welcomed, at my own discretion of course! Planning our wedding will give us (my husband and I)the experience of achieving our dreams together. My parents or anyone else won’t be there to plan or do any further tasks that comes after the wedding.

  19. Lin

    May 14, 2013 at 5:57 pm

    Well as for me I have always hated the big crowd our people love. I have always said that on my wedding day i will not want more than 50 guest (in fact 50 is too much for me self, i’m just considering my future husband’s immediate family and close friends too). I want to have a wedding in which my husband and I can afford it. No wahala, no stress I just want it simple and classy. And NO our (future husband and I) parents cannot plan “OUR” wedding. They can suggest when we ask for their opinions.

  20. Dearie

    May 14, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    Sigh! I’ll be getting married in August and trust me, I’ve fought with virtually everyone who’s been trying to impose anything on us – from my mum to my sis and even to my uncle who’s representing my dad. My in laws are hugely liberal – they’re the “whatever the couple wants” while my family is the exact and annoying opposite! My in laws said we (the couple) should come up with the date since it’s our thing, my family said “insult”, you don’t give us a date – we tell you when we want it. I don’t want a bridal train, my mum says I’m not exposed, hubby doesn’t want a ring bearer and my sister says he doesn’t like her son (my nephew). They now call me ‘oloyinbo’ etc but trust me, I don’t care. I don’t want anyone making me weep unnecessarily on that great day cos it’s me and my hubby’s day and not theirs abeg.

  21. tee

    May 14, 2013 at 7:12 pm

    Well, it still comes down to understanding each other and working together, in my opinion. I will really love my mom to help me with my wedding plans because God knows I can’t handle it all and I have always dreamed to have my mommy by my side on that day.There are some aspects I know that my mom will be more familiar with e.g food and drinks, decoration services e.t.c. But when it comes to what I will wear, the songs I will play on that day or the colors for my wedding, I will like it to be my own decision. That aside, I have gone through the comments and mehn!! planning a wedding is so stressful. Had no idea that all these wahala can come in. Well, I am still 18, guess I have some time before I before my own will start…..LOL

  22. Anonymous

    May 14, 2013 at 7:23 pm

    @Mz Socially Awkward are u Albert Einstein’s sister or what?I dont even know what to say to u. You hit the nail right in the head!!!I couldnt agree more with what u said…infact everybody should delete their comments…this babe has answered!!!!!LOL…. for real tho true talk

  23. honeymix...

    May 14, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    I think its just a normal thing for parents’ who can afford a wedding.For example a bride friend of mine got married 2weeks ago,because the couple could not afford the wedding altogether,the parents of the couple footed all the bills.The parents of the bride especially the mum took over every item on the program,out of the 5hours that they used for the celebration,it was like the mother alone paraded and danced for like 4hours.I’m very sure that if anyone had come into the wedding at that time would ask who precisely was getting married and if they are not in the wrong place,it got so bad that at the time the couple were about exchanging rings,one of the society members came in and all attention was diverted from the couple to the woman with the hailing,drumming and dancing and they left the couple the hanging as if they did not matter,it really was so annoying.I even over heard the younger sis of the bridetelling their mum not to do so during hers.Is this supposed to be so all because the parents footed the bills,they just made the wedding look like their carnival.All we thank God for is that the couple are happily married.’Their wedding, our marriage’.

  24. molarah

    May 14, 2013 at 9:02 pm

    Right.

    Maybe its because my family is the owambe-loving type that I consider this discourse ridiculous in the first place. I’ve never even for once deceived myself that I’ll have a small wedding: if the hubby is inclined towards that we are simply gonna have a small private ceremony before that and close our eyes for the main one when the parents do their thang. Life is too simple, why make it complicated. And why all the fuss about who plans the wedding? If my future mother-in-law is excellent at events handling and organization I’m definitely handing the reins to her, because what I really want from my wedding is a great party where everyone goes home blessed, happy and ‘belle-ful’. Seriously, don’t we have greater battles to pick?

    • Amazeballs!

      May 15, 2013 at 9:07 am

      errr and what if your future mother in law isnt great at planning events, yet insists she must plan yours? Before you’ll be there saying dont we have greater fights to pick!

  25. Bisi BusyBee!

    May 14, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    Hmm, WEDDINGS… A very interesting celebration in the lives of everyone. As an event planner, i’d say weddings are very emotional/ personal. Everyone wants to be part of it, The truth is the couple can have a wedding of their dreams,Its about reaching a compromise on certain things.Especially when parents are paying a chunk of it.
    Advise: Let everyone be carried along in the wedding plans, its ‘OUR'(entire family) weeding.
    For your full service Planning/Management and Provision of event services Call BusyBee Events! 08023536467 or visit busybeeeventsng.com

  26. Funke BUCKNOR obruthe

    May 14, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    Wow,loving all these arguements. You can have the wedding of your realistic dreams though.

  27. CROWN OF GLORY

    May 15, 2013 at 9:47 am

    Frankly, I dont think it’s a big deal. I am willing to compromise with my fokks as a parting gift to them because God knows that’s the last time they’ll have a say. Besides, it’s the least I can do after decades of their love n support – they’ve been fantastic really!

    Plus, God willing, our 10th anniversary celebration will be all ours!

  28. Jelly

    May 15, 2013 at 10:25 am

    hmmm… interesting commentaries. When i got married a few years back, i planned my wedding, every detail. Needless to say that i tried to carry my parents and parents in-law to be especially when it came to setting d dates for the ceremonies. oh and yes i received financial support from both sides to pay for some necessities especially catering and drinks…all went well as planned 🙂 . It’s not such a bad deal if you understand the people in your life and their preferences, wedding planning and execution can be fun even with difficult parties (my mother in-law is stubborn but she just some how worked with me through d whole thing).

  29. ebony

    May 15, 2013 at 11:28 am

    i will just let my parents handle it afterall they are paying.. all am after is my colours, cloths&accessories,cake and rings datzall.. what really makes up a wedding party is our parents friends, sisters brothers, uncles, aunties, etc, the couple only have a handful of friends.. sooo, i am just going to sit back and reserve my energy for the marriage gangan and not the ceremony…

  30. Diane C. Smith

    May 16, 2013 at 9:07 am

    When it comes to the wedding planning process, i don’t mind having a little help from my parents and in-laws as long as i get to decide, the last say will always be mine. Besides, it’s my wedding, i’m supposed to know how i want it to be like and what will make my husband and i happy. A little help won’t hurt.

  31. gotta be involved but parents wont let you be

  32. Peachy_mo

    May 17, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    It can be quite overwhelming and annoying! My wedding is in 3 months everybody (mine & hubby’s) family actually LISTENED to me describe the type of wedding I want BUT now its all changed! they have commandeered It! from intimate to Kaboom! 150 guest turning to 300, 2 serving point to 4, colors flying around, ideas & suggesting firing at me…my protest yields a “don’t worry your pretty head dear! we got it”. Thank God I put my foot down on venues and my outfits (which are the two I so can’t compromise on)

  33. Aryah

    May 17, 2013 at 9:39 pm

    I wouldn’t mind o. As long as they stick to my colors.
    Planning a wedding would stress me out too much. Let them do all the work. They even smile while doing it sef.

  34. honeyboo

    May 18, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    wedding fever,would wish for no other person than my elder sis to plan my wedding cuz she never goes wrong wen it comes to planning parties and weddings in my family.

  35. Wedding photographer Devon

    May 20, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    I think leave keeping it within the family is the best idea when planning a wedding as it gives it that little bit extra when it comes to personal touches!

  36. wara

    May 26, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    I agree with everyone who said they would like personal touch from family to make that day glamorous, there is nothing bad in adding one or two ideas to what the couples already have in mind. However, when it becomes too much of an interference then there should be a line. There is difference between trying to help and dictating for you, helping is when they are working with the idea you have in your mind and dictating is when they are planning without your ideas but how they want the day to be. Parents are even more excited than the couples these days and they emphasise this by automatically taking over the whole wedding plan forgetting that it is supposed to be a special day where the couples express and realise their dream wedding. Following this, I would say letting parents dictate your plans means giving them room to come dictate in your home after the wedding. 85% of failing marriages today are due to family interference and if carefully studied it all started even before the wedding day.

  37. Rukky

    May 31, 2013 at 10:44 am

    shoo! Nigerians love weddings! see comments lol I’m even tired of reading–nap time

  38. Miss m

    June 2, 2013 at 3:06 am

    I will want my parents especially my mum 2 give a helping hand. I love them so much. Both the traditional n white. I don’t want my mum to feel left out. But they can’t choose d tribe n who I am going to marry. I am 4rm Niger delta n my better half is Igbo. My mum tried to hook me up with my people but it never worked now it is OYO. Own your wn. Whatever u see in th marriage u choose it n I am even happier.

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