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“Love Shouldn’t Come With Conditions” | Watch Media Personality Toke Makinwa speak on “The Wife Material Syndrome”



Toke Makinwa & Maje Ayida

If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it… Well we all know how Beyoncé‘s song goes.

Media personality Toke Makinwa is back with this week’s dose of Toke Moments. Oh Oh, no she didn’t; yup she did. Today, she speaks on “The Wife Material Syndrome”.

She tells us, why can’t that man marry you, not until you change the way you look, wash his car, stop clubbing e.t.c. Is worth it in the end?

Check it out!


  1. Dare to be beautiful

    July 11, 2013 at 11:02 am

    Since when did Ms Knowall Toke become an expert …. Bella Naija enough with giving her attention jare .

    • Adey

      July 12, 2013 at 12:29 am

      No-one is saying she’s an expert. She’s given advice/her own opinion…heard of it before? Other people do the same thing on YouTube.

    • aj

      July 12, 2013 at 6:04 am

      she must have hit a nerve! loool

  2. kemio

    July 11, 2013 at 11:10 am

    @”fixing lashes that sweep the floor”…lol Toke is indeed a clown. Nice one

  3. Ibukunoluwa

    July 11, 2013 at 11:10 am

    before the comments start rolling in, lemme just say now that anyone that comes here to say this was not a good video is a hater, a proper hater…

  4. BubblyBliss

    July 11, 2013 at 11:10 am

    This is clearly your turf

  5. Stacy

    July 11, 2013 at 11:24 am

    Lmaooo! Preach it Toke! “Que sera sera” I always remind myself. It’s so hard trying to be someone else I tell u, life is too short for all of that *sips green tea *

    • IzzieMedula (thismaterialGirl)

      July 11, 2013 at 2:18 pm

      lol @ sips green tea…

    • Anonymous

      July 11, 2013 at 9:26 pm

      I totally feel you! *sipping green tea too*

    • Bleed blue

      July 11, 2013 at 10:15 pm

      This sipping of green tea…what’s happening there? Will I not join so?

    • B!

      July 12, 2013 at 12:45 am

      Why green tea? #GenuinelyConfused

    • Ada Nnewi

      July 12, 2013 at 9:58 am

      *Sips all the Green tea left*…:D

    • bud

      July 12, 2013 at 12:33 pm

      *brings out the green tea i hid and sips*……:p

    • Ada Nnewi

      July 12, 2013 at 1:25 pm

      Bud! …..YYYYYYYYYYY? :'(

    • bud

      July 14, 2013 at 1:45 pm

      ada.oya sip small…small o……..sluuuuuurp……. 😀

  6. Amaka

    July 11, 2013 at 11:25 am

    lol…nice one Toke.
    Ladies better don’t waste your time…cook for your father if your looking for who to cook for, trust me he’ll appreciate it better!

  7. .....just saying

    July 11, 2013 at 11:57 am

    If I were Toke, I would keep it shut on this. Considering the circumstances surrounding her engagement and how her fiancee’s siblings have made her a prayer point case ….Wisdom is the principal thing

    • Bella

      July 11, 2013 at 2:46 pm

      what is beefing you, do you know for sure her entire personal life story, abeg give this girls a break o, its not that serious o, itsa a banter for laughter, lighten up and laugh you are clearly too uptight!

    • Nesstradamus

      July 11, 2013 at 9:28 pm

      Nigga plzzz hush and shush!! Maje has begged Toke back how many times now! He is not a saint either and she ain’t desperate. CLEARLY

    • Oaken

      July 12, 2013 at 3:32 am

      Laughing my are off…..I ve heard maje s sibling throw major shade at this toke girl…she doesn’t even know the joke is on her

    • Bellabells

      July 12, 2013 at 4:19 am

      Hope you have achieved your aim. Bitter twat!

  8. timi

    July 11, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    Very good video.Message on point

  9. chiamz

    July 11, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    Toks of life ooo! lmao! ‘when a guy loves you, he just does’ noni!!! stop letting the devil dance azonto on your future! with all the rules, wot tym do you have being yourself? true talk…be urself!

  10. teetee

    July 11, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    Lame ass video..What is up with aunty toke and cooking??lol i wonder why she didnt include sex.Ladies if you are giving the guy sex too,dont deceive yourself,you are in the same category as the girl she described in d video.for your information toke,there is no standard formula to all these things,it works for some,it doesnt work for some.babes study your man/relationship and know what works for you,dont come and watch this lame video and be giving your boyfriend attitude because toke said so,toke whose relationship cannot even be referenced to.we know that love shouldnt come with conditions but sadly in this generation,thats nt the case.i mean if you have expectations of the guy in the relationship,why shouldnt he have expectations as well.basically,if you want to cook,clean etc it should be because u love d guy or bcos u want to not because you want to win d supposed prize of wifey material.ciao!

    • Joke

      July 11, 2013 at 1:06 pm

      Your head is there o. Your head is very there kpa kpa. Me I love cooking. I can cook for Nigeria add Ghana join I be chief cook. So I don’t see cooking as anything special or something I am downgrading myself for. In fact I cook for my colleagues sef. Every week they are always asking me what I am bringing for them and if they should bring lunch from home. Oyinbo and black join. My oga will soon give me promotion at this rate on top my chicken stew and fried rice. If i can do that for colleagues that I don’t see beyond work, what is the big deal if I cook for a guy I’m dating. Cleaning too I inherited the domestic gene. I can clean if emphasis on IF he is also doing it too and I am helping out. Of course dem no born him well not to help me clean my own house when I am cleaning. So I don’t know why girls carry these issues on their head. You have expectations of him to take you out, pay for dates, buy you gifts, pick you up at this, be there at that. You love to go out, hang out that this, travel to that. What else are you bringing to the table besides “you being you”. Tell me. Wait, I don’t mean you trade his financial largese with cooking and cleaning o, I am just saying that if you expect from him something more than his personality i.e he being him. You don’t buy birthday gifts with personality, neither do you you pay for nights out at a fancy restaurant with he being himself. Then he should expect something from you too beyond you just being you. It doesn’t mean you are a 1920’s woman neither does it make you more wife material. It is just the law of give and take. Do what is in your capacity to give is my point and learn to draw the line on enslaving yourself. I’ve had 3 bf’s in my short life, never slept with any but i’ve cooked and they always looked forward to coming to my house. I only need to mention I am cooking so so so today and sharply they are on the road. One of them still tells me that my Edikang Ikong has been imprinted in his brain for life. I should please na, he promises to be good next time. This is sm1 i never slept with. My sis says cooking is my way of getting sex of their minds. Lord knows she may be correct. Cos I’ve got mad skills in the kitchen. If you are with a correct guy, all this cook no cook won’t even matter. Just learn to do stuff for sm1 who is worth it and appreciates it. Se fini

    • adenike

      July 11, 2013 at 2:02 pm

      na wa for you oh. You fit ccok send am to Scotland. Abegi, I can pay you in other ways

    • Temizzy

      July 11, 2013 at 2:07 pm

      Pls can I come for classes I beg I need to learn some skills. Let me know I beg I stay n Ajah axis. Thank you.

    • d baby

      July 11, 2013 at 2:20 pm

      and what point r u driving at exactly? why the advert? r u in need of a hubby on bella naija dnt worry ud get one, if u like have 3 bf”s all ur life nd nt sleep with them hws that supposed to be our headache? after cooking for d first he left,cooked for d second he left nd ur still cooking for the third abeg check ursef nd stop ranting #cookoflife

    • foluke

      July 11, 2013 at 2:40 pm

      Your head is over there. I like how you think. My friend is like that. As long as you are not doing it to impress him or ingratiate him to you there is nothing wrong with cooking especially if you enjoy it and it is not as if you are going too much out of your way. At least you will eat out of the food. Our boyfriends do stuff for us make we women no lie. The key for me is as long as it is not a tactic to get him to marry you no problem.

    • lola

      July 11, 2013 at 2:53 pm

      @dbaby. and that was all you could deduce from her comment. So any girl that has had three or more boyfriends and cooks for them in her lifetime needs to get checked? Cooking and doing all sorts will not make a man stay; its a different thing if its something you love to do which is the point she is trying to make. perhaps you are the one that needs to get checked ans improve on your reading comprehension.

    • Xtsy

      July 11, 2013 at 3:05 pm

      Abeg, I have 2 ‘sons’ single and eligible, would luv to be ur MIL

    • chichi

      July 11, 2013 at 3:36 pm

      lol @ d are one bitter chick…i do not necessarily agree with everything joke said but your response was really stupid…or is it that you cant cook to save your life or you have slept with all your boyfriends and that is why you are lashing out at the poor girl?? insecure much!!!please ladies if you are good at something, SHARE IT and let the world know about it…Joke, your comment only made me wanna do better in the cooking department..i can cook but im not great yet…now back to the issue at hand..i dont think i can make it a habit of calling my boyfriend on the phone and telling him to come over because im cooking…im sorry but aint nobody got time for that..if he visits and there happens to be food in the house, sure i will give him food… Cooking at his place is a hell NO but i can invite him to come eat once in a blue moon at my place when i feel like being really sweet. if he wants me to cook often for him, that fine but we are gonna have to walk down the aisle first…As for going out to restaurants, the poor guy doesnt have to finish his money because he is dating your man out once in a while especially if you work ladies…because African men have too much pride, before going into a restaurant with him, just be like “hey babe, i have something and i insist”..give him the money and they will appreciate it. Now off to watch Toke’s video and i hope i make it passed two minutes this time

    • ij

      July 11, 2013 at 3:51 pm


    • Simya

      July 11, 2013 at 1:23 pm

      It’s obvious you just don’t like Toke, cause every point you made, she also made.

    • Funke

      July 11, 2013 at 2:47 pm

      @dbaby in your own view of the world women don’t break up with men. It is the men that leave. You didn’t read that one is still begging to come back. That one left too? Abeg cook of life. Cooking is obviously you and as Toke said you are doing you. Any woman that doesn’t want to cook and has problems with you cooking should take several seats please. Some women take this cooking of a thing as if it removes anything from their body but when it is time to enjoy the guys money na dem dey front of the queue. It is no big deal unless you make it a big deal. It is like a boyfriend doing somethng sweet for you and making it out into a big deal. Cooking is what you are carrying over on your head like this but as Toke said in her last video she can spend his money on Chinese, Thai and Sushi. Hian. The girls that hold back the most on this issue are the ones whose mouths are the widest. Obatala will help any woman my brother is spoiling silly and she should tell me she is not doing her own bit too by doing something nice and extra for him too like cooking because he hasn’t married her. Sango will strike her down from my village.

    • i no send

      July 11, 2013 at 7:53 pm

      gbam teetee you have said it all

    • emeka

      July 12, 2013 at 8:13 pm

      your very correct my brother . Toke is not a relationship expert so she shld get a life befr advising others

  11. Stace

    July 11, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    Ok i don’t like this girl, But I completely agree with everything she just said…

    • aj

      July 12, 2013 at 6:12 am

      let me guess! you don’t like her for no reason!!!

  12. nnenne

    July 11, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    she’s so on point. A friend of mine is always on about wife material.
    The girl he’s about to marry is the perfect wife material for his standard. According to him, they’ve have dated for 8 years and in all the 8 years, she has never talked back at him, she cooks very well and all that.The day he was telling me about the girl, i asked him if she has low self esteem and he said yes. He said he’s the only guy she has ever been with and that love she has for him is a typical example of “love is blind”.
    He said, his wife won’t fix nails or wear make up on their wedding day and this is a guy that has two piercings in one of his ears. The girl is always begging him and the way he ignores her calls anytime she upsets him is beyond appalling. Just few days ago, he showed me the call log of all her missed calls and bbm messages (she was begging him to take her calls or reply her messages) and their wedding is in October o. I started talking to him to stop putting the poor girl through the emotional trauma. Somehow i wish i can talk to the girl to let her know she deserves better, i see her messages and i cringe at how she will let herself be treated the way the guy treats her. She once told the guy in one of her messages that she has been his footstool and the way he talks to her sometimes kills her soul.
    And just like Toke said, this guy’s ex was always dealing with him. He was always begging her and she was the one blanking his calls and he will want to die. He was more or less worshiping her and she was the one he really wanted to marry but they were both AS. The current fiancee was a back up plan. I feel so sorry for her cos they guy is already making plans of how he will cheat on her : she lives and works abroad and will be there for a couple of years after the wedding. What some women go through just to be a Mrs!!!
    Please pardon my long speech.

    • Wow!

      July 11, 2013 at 12:56 pm

      Wow! again! that’s all i can say… or maybe i can say something but i dont know how to put the goose bumps that are on my skin now into words. Na wa o. Please whoever she is, I pray she doesn’t marry him cos trust me, it only gets worse after marriage. Sadly, its true what they say about bad guys getting good girls and good guys getting bad girls. Life is so unfair 🙁

    • What da?

      July 11, 2013 at 1:02 pm

      I know a similar situation where the man is settling for her because she is the one always begging him to pick up the call and the one accepting trash. The one he wanted to marry in Yankee where he lives has standards. So he is settling for this one in naija. But chei she has suffered and it doesn’t change ladies. It gets worse with marriage and he will also resent you for accepting bullshit lol Set your standards high and watch a man adorn you! Preach Girl!

    • slice

      July 11, 2013 at 7:29 pm

      the sad part of this is guy’s like this make it tough for someone to just be human. In ordinary relationships, there’s nothing wrong with apologizing profusely when you’re wrong but some people use it as a power trip. my younger friend was speaking to me the other day and saying she makes a guy call many times before she answers so she’ll be sure he’s really interested. But if you don’t play games and just answer some people think you’re easy

  13. miz cee

    July 11, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    i am sorry this video is a joke, When toke is married and well into ten years of marriage she can come give advice

    • Simya

      July 11, 2013 at 1:27 pm

      But she is not giving advice to married women, so what does being married have to do with this? You don’t have to have experience to know not to take trash from a guy or worship the ground he comes from…you have no point

  14. Babyboo

    July 11, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    THANKYOu o T OKE dats how one potbellied fool i was dating started throwin tantrums cuz i refused to cook for him! In the end i realised i was settling so i left his sorry ass! He felt cuz he was a banker that he cud talk to me anyhow. In the end, its his loss. Ladies pls if a guy truly loves u,he will accept u for YOU! Finish!

    • Titi

      July 11, 2013 at 12:53 pm

      Accept you for you ke?!!! My dear, better go and learn how to cook!!! No matter how pretty you ar or whatever, when a man marries he expects to get fed good food at home or he’ll go somewhere else and find it…..

    • Lucylink

      July 11, 2013 at 1:12 pm

      Really, what about all the women who wives go over and beyond in the kitchen, yet they continue to look elsewhere? A man that wants to cheat will cheat even if his wife is cooking, cleaning and doing it all or not. I’m not saying that people (not just women) shouldn’t know how to cook. If you think that cooking will keep your spouse in line, you will be in for a real shocker in that marriage.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 11, 2013 at 1:24 pm

      She “refused” to cook for him. I don’t see anything in that comment which says that she knoweth not how to cook. If you’re one of those women going around sharing the sort of advice you’ve just typed out above with impressionable young women, I feel sadder and sadder for Nigerian females….

    • Babyboo

      July 11, 2013 at 1:25 pm

      Point of correction, never said i cdnt cook,he was throwing tantrums n reporting me to his sister cuz i wouldnt cook after only a few months of dating! Point is,love shdnt come with conditions,a man who disrespects u n insults u deserves nothing. Most especially when he himself is nothing to write home about.

    • Bea

      July 11, 2013 at 1:26 pm

      Did she say she does not know how to cook?? She said I REFUSED to cook for him- it does not necessarily mean it’s because she does not know how to cook, or because she’s too pretty to cook as you seem to suggest.Please read properly before you come here and start chatting nonsense biko! Besides as you said, when a man MARRIES you he expects to get fed good food, NOT when he’s DATING you that he should expect you to cook regularly like he’s entitled to it.

    • John

      July 11, 2013 at 3:32 pm


    • Babyboo

      July 11, 2013 at 3:35 pm

      Thank you Bea and Mz Socially Akward. sum ppl cant read kwa!

  15. Dora the explorer

    July 11, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    but you ae not chatting with us na? you are talking to us! I’m bored of this wifey material topic.. If le boo would turn a ring on it he would come rain come sunshine..

  16. Ebukah E. Nzeji

    July 11, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    Toke has made her point; which I think rightly conveys what most men feel ’bout this ish. No babe should use the washing of clothes or cooking for a guy, as way of coaxing him to love her. If a guy truly loves you, then he loves you and you’ll know. Ladies Note: Men that can truly love a woman indepthly are hard to find. So pray to cross paths with the few that can, instead of killing yourself trying to please a Dundee United! Igho’tara!

  17. Global

    July 11, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    @teetee how do you know toke’s relationship cannot be “referenced to”? Are you in it with her ni?

  18. Babym

    July 11, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    Hahahahaha ha Toke oo, pls don’t keee me with laff b4 they sack me commot from my office lool, this is the funniest video so far, o my lawd! Cracked up soo much lol at washing his floor and using eyelashes to sweep the streets of Lagos hahahahaha too funny, u have made my days thanks for that babe.

    And to those of u that cannot take a good joke and decide to use toke Makinwas personal life as a yard stick to measure wether to take good funny advice and keep it moving u r on a long thing! Tokes videos are simply light hearted and fun and usually carry a lot of sound advice along with it so what is your problem realllllyyyy? Enjoy the video and keep it moving, laughter is very good for the soul.

    Toke pls make sure u don’t stop these videos o otherwise I’m coming to get u lolol, always look forward to them.

  19. Eve82

    July 11, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    Take home message for both parties ; Unconditional Love regardless of your flaws!!!

  20. Temizzy

    July 11, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    Pls can I come for classes I beg I need to learn some skills. Let me know I beg I stay n Ajah axis. Thank you

  21. princessa

    July 11, 2013 at 2:47 pm


    • John

      July 11, 2013 at 3:31 pm


    • carliforniabawler

      July 11, 2013 at 4:39 pm

      Mr and Mrs capslock

    • i no send

      July 11, 2013 at 7:57 pm

      loooooooooooool u are super funny…@ mr and mrs cap lock…

    • Bleed blue

      July 11, 2013 at 10:24 pm

      Lol!!!Honestly though, the capslock gave me eye ache…I had to free the comment halfway and move on

  22. Scope

    July 11, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Totally disagree. Na okra soup and pounded yam make me enter marriage ooh. I am a guy ooh!!!!!!!! Wife material is homie, lover and friend. Food is necessary ooh. A woman that does all those stuff for a man will be repayed somehow leave matter.

    • Adey

      July 12, 2013 at 12:59 am

      No-one is saying cooking is wrong. The girl should cook if she wants to not because she’s trying to do some mind trick on you so that you’ll marry her. That’s what Ms Toke is talking about.

  23. Ona

    July 11, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    This video isnt one size fit all o abeg. Evaluate ur relationship, understand what works and apply accordingly. If u have expectations from ur man eg financially stable, provider, protector….etc….why da hell shouldnt he have expectations from u?? How selfish is it to tell women to desist from taking care of whom they love, all in the name of being a modern and independent? If u’re mizing ur kitchen etc skills till he puts a ring on it, then the man might as well also mize his wallet till he puts a ring on it! Biased ass video.

    • Mr B

      July 11, 2013 at 4:01 pm

      Thank you very much. Babyboo that refused to cook for mr pot bellie in the short time that they dated. She should please tell me that she didn’t not partipate in the benefits of being his girlfriend in that short time. If we check the man’s bank blance in that short time, we will see the other side of the story. Women and telling only one side of the story. Whether he was worth the cooking or not is not the issue. I am NOT admonishing her for not cooking but she should tell us if she was entitled to all the toasting that he did. Afer all she is not his wife. What makes her feel she was entitled to that. Women want men to play the traditional roles of boyfriends especially in our society if not they will gather their friends around for gist, abuse him and label him as stingy but when you flip the coin they shout independent modern woman they cant do this they can do that. Modernism only works one way with today’s women. If a guy puts forward that same argument he is called stingy but it is okay for Toke and her kind to chop his money well well. I am waiting for her to do a video asking the men to just be themselves. It will never come I know. Hypocrisy is her body cream. She oozes it. Yes a man should not demand any domestic payback from you even husbands shouldn’t. At the same time you have no moral high ground or leg to stand on if he is fulfilling your expectations and the only thing you do is you being you. If the sucess of relationships and marriage were based on you being you and him being him, there will not be a multi billion dollar industry dedicated to things that appease women. Yes some women overdo it because they have self esteem issues but you should not apply that yardstic to everyone. Ther are more things that come into play in such relatiosnhips not just the women turning themselves to slaves. Low self esteem women and men that are bullies are like bread and butter. There are women that don’t cook clean and all the rest and they are sill bulied by their men and treated carelessly. Their are also women that do all that and are still loved, respected and appreciated. Just because Miss A did all that and did not get marrie doesnt mean Miss B who did the same won’t.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 11, 2013 at 5:33 pm

      I’m trying to be really objective here and I don’t subscribe to the school of thought of “chopping his money well-well”. However, you have to admit that a woman is usually minding her own business when a man comes a-courting and in the process of courting her, he takes her out on dates, etc.

      If a modern woman like me who usually prefers to pay her own way, brings out her wallet during the courting process, you, Mr. B will complain that I’m too modern. So I let said man pay because I see what he’s doing (i.e. trying to impress me by taking me to a fancy restaurant) and don’t want to undermine his efforts. I didn’t force him to do what he did, I didn’t encourage him to come and toast me, I just was jejely on my own and he discovered me.

      Same man now decides that his payback for taking me out, is that I must cook for him. Why? I love to cook, in fact my sister dey yab me say my kitchen na buka. However, I’m not going to be cooking for a man just because I have to prove that I can. If I like him well enough to see him again, things will probably develop to the point where I decide to treat him to dinner, a night out, etc (because now we’re friends and I can easily do that for a friend). Bearing in mind that I won’t ask him for money, all of this will be straight out of my own pocket with no contribution from him. If we progress into proper dating, then I can open up my heart and kitchen to him.

      But cooking to prove the point of “wifeliness”. Why? Because a man is toasting you with all his effort and kudi? No be so courtship suppose dey – the man chasing the woman and not the woman trying to convince the man to marry her? Mba, my brotha. Talk wetin dey right, biko.

    • Abana

      July 11, 2013 at 5:51 pm

      Your comment just made me remember what my bro went through. For instance, my brother in Canada was dating one babe like that. Always picked her up to go to church, returned her home, take her out and pay! One day he took her out, bought something and asked her to help him hold the bag. The girl refused o. It was such a big deal to her. He left her at the mall and that was it. By the way, babygirl never cooked for him. She would come to his house, eat his food and leave the plate on his table. He never even thought anything of it until the day she brought stuff from a coffee shop to his house, ate it all alone and left the rubbish on his table. Na only her fit do Ms Independent abi? Some girls are spoilt and simple.
      By all means do not cook for a man but don’t expect the man to do all the things you think guys should do for women.

    • Mimi

      July 11, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      You like Toke totally missed the point and I will have to disagree with your comment. Number 1 you painted a picture of a guy who is toasting you. Toasting will progress to dating. So you will still be of the opinion that you were sitting on your own he came to meet you. A man you are now dating so I am sure there is some form of emotional involvement if you are not chopping his money. I’ll refer you to @Joke’s comment of the law of give and take. This has nothing to do with you proving that you can or proving that you deserve to be a wife. I sure did not read that from MrB’s comment. Most of you girls on here are burying your head in the sand on this issue. For the guys that are insisting or demanding, they should sod off and ask their mothers to cook for them. For many men they don’t even insist or demand yet the girl will refuse to give anything back in return. All she is interested in, is you must like me for me but in reverse she is receiving all the proceeds that him being himself cannot pay for or provide. Like @Non Professional Opinion said everyone wants special effects both guys and girls. It is easy for us girls to sit down and expect and sometimes even demand that le boyfriend does it, but when it gets to us like @Mr B said we pull out the independent modern woman card. Nowhere did I read from other comments that a woman must cook to prove wifeliness. I enjoy this argument because it is the first time that a fellow woman has laid it bare like this. We women expect and expect and expect and take and take and take, but something as basic as cooking we consider it as disrespectful to us because he hasn’t put a ring on it. What about the other benefits that you are getting from him, sex involved too. Are you his wife? “No be so courtship suppose dey – the man chasing the woman and not the woman trying to convince the man to marry her?” That is so old school, yet it is okay for you to be modern while the man is still traditional and chasing you around all in the name of courtship, but doing something extra and nice for him is an insult on you being yourself. No wonder men take us for granted and treat us like shit. It is becoming clear now. We should not just complain and lament about men. Women women. Take a good look at yourself. What else are you bringing to the table

    • slice

      July 11, 2013 at 8:16 pm

      i know there are exceptions to every rule. But let me say I have never known ANY woman whose man takes her shopping (real shopping o. not recharge card), who just loves on her, takes her on beautiful dates, I have never known any such woman to refuse to cook for him once in a while. just haven’t. When you get resistance from a girl in that area, it’s usually cause you want to reap what you’ve not sowed. you’ve not touched her heart in that way. I went to visit a guy once. I flew in. he had no food for me to eat. said i could make something for myself. i did. fast forward to a few hours later, he asked me to cook for him. this same me that you didn’t feed after a trip. the same me that you left stranded at the airport. Oya come and put pot in my hand.

    • Ona

      July 11, 2013 at 8:20 pm

      @MzSociallyawkward…..U may not have “forced” the man to spend on u or perform other boyfriend duties, However, we all want to see a snap shot of the kind of potential out significant other is. If everyone keeps all their wifey/hubby qualities to themselves, what will compel the man or woman to be rest assured that u will make a good wife/mother….hubby/father if those qualities arent being displayed during courtship?? I know its not necessary for a man to spend on his woman all the time, but would u honestly be comfortable marrying a man who never spent on u ever all thru ur courtship? Or who can’t go out of his way for u and do things that make u feel protected etc….eg fixing ur flat tire, helping u fix that broken door or atleast getting someone who will, if he cant. Do u really want a lax dude, who will just sit there and do nothing when something goes wrong?? I dunno about u, but cooking is not a biggie to me esp for someone i love. I cook for my man to the extent that he has to plead that i shouldnt the next time i visit cos i cook up a storm. I am not an opportunist or desperate either….he knows the many guys checking for me, and i am a professional (i actually make over double what he makes). Its just how i was raised, and its not a burden for me. Moreover, he is such a sweet heart to me….will do just about anything i want, so why wont i spoil him?? Relationship is about give and take…and both parties ought to give selflessly instead of rationing affection.

    • slice

      July 11, 2013 at 8:19 pm

      @Ms Socially Awk. I agree with u completely. let things progress on their own.

    • Ada Nnewi

      July 12, 2013 at 10:12 am

      My darling Wonderful Slice, I couldn’t like this your comment “slice July 11, 2013 at 8:16 PM” for some reason the reply button under it is not visible….My man takes my car to the mechanic, fills my tank worries about me having to use public transport if my car is bad so takes rides with his friends and colleagues while i use his car when mine has issues, I don’t have to worry about anything financial with him and he’d do anything just to make me comfortable….This man’s love has changed me from the Hard core modern day Feminist i was to someone that kneels to give him his food and watches him eat before i eat my own food or he calls me to eat with him after i serve him…Morale of my story, If you show a woman you really really Love her, she will Love you back with everything she has…

    • slice

      July 12, 2013 at 11:38 pm

      and that my dear, Ada, is the crux of the story. love her. she’ll love you

  24. Ona

    July 11, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    This video isnt one size fit all o abeg. Evaluate ur relationship, understand what works and apply accordingly. If u have expectations from ur man eg financial stability, provider, protector….etc….why da hell shouldnt he have expectations from u?? How selfish is it to tell women to desist from taking care of whom they love, all in the name of being a modern and independent woman? If u’re mizing ur kitchen skills etc till he puts a ring on it, then the man might as well also mize his wallet till he puts a ring on it. Biased ass video!

  25. talkam

    July 11, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    nice one @Teetee…study your man…don’t do things cos you want him to propose to you do cos you love.If you still want to be yourself clubbing,, drinking,, why then do you have to go to church and praying for a god fearing man…with all your bad attitude…work on yourself and be yourself responsibly

  26. xxx

    July 11, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    so ur wife is pounding? how mean can u be?

  27. Non professional opinion

    July 11, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    So someone who
    1. Changed from black to white
    2. Is rarely seen with the hair or face God gave her.
    3. Adopted a strange “porsh” accent or should I say “assent” to fit in,
    is telling you to be yourself and not change for a guy. As someone said recently on this blog, I laugh in Yoruba-hio hio hio hio
    Being able to cook or not is not a fundamental part of any human being except a chef its merely a skill and a positive one at that. If that skill was standing between you and the career of your dreams, you would run to enroll at the Cordon Bleu, but for a man, it means he doesn’t love you for yourself.
    If people were telling you to learn salsa for a guy, everyone will scream ” yay fun!!”
    Ladies, everyone likes special effects wether guys or girls, which is why everyone wants, a rich, handsome, sexy guy that they can love for who he really is.
    Toke has already semi-got her own man, let her keep deceiving you about how she went about it.

    • Mr B

      July 11, 2013 at 4:21 pm

      I need to buy a drink for you ma’am. This is a professional opinon. I am happy to read your comment and the likes of some above. There is still hope for some women. I hope others who have Toke’s mentality will learn more from these comments than the waste of megabytes that she put up. One thing is of note. She has been dating his guy for 10 years. Need I say more.

    • slice

      July 11, 2013 at 8:09 pm

      i think you should watch her video well. she didn’t say don’t do all these things. She said don’t do them thinking that will make the man stay with you because they won’t. We all need food and sex (at some point) but even if all a guy does is give you money, you won’t necessarily stay with him just for that reason…at least if you have your head screwed on right. these things go both ways. i’ve known guys who could only offer a life filled with relative wealth but their personalities were just boring and blank. so nothing to keep the whole thing going. in that case, just showering me with money would not make me stay. on the other hand, there are some girls who know in their heart of heart that the guy they are with doesn’t really like them. Yes, he likes their food, the sex, the cleaning, etc but he doesn’t like them. he’s not interested in hanging out with them. he can go days without talking to them but will surely show up if she says there’s foods. so she’s sticking around thinking all these things she does for him will make him marry her. In some cases, he actually does end up marrying that girl…and then continues to cheat on her because his heart is not in the thing anyway. Cook for a man/woman if you want. Give a girl/man money if you want. But don’t assume those things will make the person marry you

    • The Original Beebee

      July 12, 2013 at 8:53 pm

      Gbamm…all your comments on point Missy….

    • i no send

      July 11, 2013 at 8:10 pm

      loooooooooooool again..toke see wetin u don cause..chai

    • Ona

      July 11, 2013 at 8:22 pm


    • Yupp

      July 12, 2013 at 9:08 am

      When will some of y’all learn to take the main point of the story and forget all other odds ? It is people like you that don’t wanna learn that would start going on and about..she has made her point, u re either agreeing or keeping your mouth shut !..evaluating

    • Yupp

      July 12, 2013 at 9:22 am

      @ nonprofessional opinion and Mr B…. When will some of y’all learn to take the main point of the story and forget all other odds ? It is people like you that don’t wanna learn that would start going on and about..she has made her point, u re either agreeing or keeping your mouth shut !..evaluating her life style is totally outta point.. meanwhile, Toke Makinwa has never been black, she wasn’t as fair as this either but then (that shouldn’t even be ur business)..ur point about her many people actually leave their hair out ? U’ve not heard some people leaving their hair out breaks their hair ehh? And yes her accent isn’t like yours but it isn’t strange ma/sir..her diction is just right !… Now back to the point you are trying to drive out that she ain’t real, u wanna prove that even with the way she dances on her keeks ? Her facial expressions ? The way she handles the radio ? The way she adds Yoruba in some of her videos ?…mscheeewwwww plz have several seats with that your she is not real cos how else does someone get real ? Meanwhile have you not heard the saying that goes if you have nothing nice to say, you shut the fuck up !? Some of y’all just like to go on and about what is not…. The take home advice here is Love is not conditional, have you picked that up ? But you wanna start telling her what she should say or what she shouldn’t say ? Ermmm ok bye

  28. wakapass

    July 11, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    There you go again, don’t judge what you don’t know about. stick to what you know that why it called unconditional love. love your wife more. #gbam

  29. Guys Perspective

    July 11, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    My comments is more like a question than opinion, when did we become so strategic and calculated. For ladies on here who are/were in a relationship, lets play a game, first lets remove sex because this complicates things. Assuming a guy has wined and dined you for two – three months, and now you guys are officially dating, what do you then bring to the table (the relationship). I do agree that we “men” can be callous sometimes, but at the same time I do not think women should be overly calculated in relationships, not all relationships will end in marriage. Sometimes we all just need to chill and just relax, have fun (whatever funs means to you, since this can be subjective) and see where things go. If you prefer home-cooked meal to the thai restaurant down the road, why would you deprive yourself of some homemade yam porridge, just because you do not want to cook for your man, or lets assume his apartment is a little messy, you will spend a weekend in a filthy apartment just because you do not want to clean his crib. I understand that my comment is all over the place, but my final thought is that everyone should treat their partners/significant other the way they want others to treat their own siblings/cousins etc.

    • Non professional opinion

      July 11, 2013 at 5:43 pm

      Women have to be strategic in relationships because you and your boys got together for a meeting a and decided that the girl who”goes with the flow” ” to see where things go” with too many guys, gets labelled a slut. Work with us to change these outdated attitudes and we will be able to let our guards down.

    • lily

      July 11, 2013 at 5:56 pm

      hmmm, strategy and calculation,sometimes help d woman know her place,cud b a gf or a wifey

  30. nich

    July 11, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    If you have never cooked for a guy when dating, how is he going to be sure that when you marry you will cook good meals for him. If you do not give him sex, how is he sure that when you marry, he would have it as much as he desires. but you expect him to take care of you and pay ur bills. you have got to show him that you can be a wife. love alone cannot make marriage. sex and food would always be in a mans mind. a guy would simply want to know what you can give when he marries you.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 11, 2013 at 5:35 pm

      Bros, this your own comment has done the unimaginable and caused me to be speechless. My mouth no even know wetin to talk in response….

    • hmm

      July 11, 2013 at 7:30 pm

      LOL I agree with you on this one …but I have to say you contradicted yourself a lot in your reply to @Mr B….he actually made sense and wasnt insinuating..

    • Esther

      July 12, 2013 at 11:28 am

      Oh my gosh! Your response got me laughing out loud for real. The guy left me speechless too. ROFTL

    • miss

      July 12, 2013 at 2:51 am

      @nich To each their own, months before my cousin got married she cooked one kain rice that her siblings were begging me not to eat the food I ate now, after which I was scared that bros would return her and ask for refund of bride price, today they are still together and waxing strong .when you love your woman every other thing don’t matter… you are meant to take care of her ,teach her ,be her biggest supporter & encourager even when she is getting it all wrong, lead her to God and with that attitude and approach to marriage you won’t be scared of what is locking in the corner after marriage .most times it is easier for women to come around and you will reap a good reward.

    • Tinu

      July 12, 2013 at 11:09 am

      You are sounding very basic right now, Rich

  31. Es

    July 11, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    Toke… where are you? Come here! Come chop the FATTEST KISS! Love this. Love you. Absolutely spot on. If a guys is totally committed to you and you want to do things for him, go right ahead. But don’t do things for him in hopes of commitment and a ring and marriage. I love this! Tokes you are truly a staRR and this is funny as hell

  32. timmy

    July 11, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    abeg I don laff tire…love all these guys are making my day especially @ non professional opinion, my first reaction to the video was (in yoruba)”ki re?” translated “what’s this”…I mean she does have a few points but whats all the wriggling and exposure about…o gaa o!

  33. Blessing

    July 11, 2013 at 5:24 pm

    I agree with Toke 100%….u don’t need to do anything for a guy before he can marry u. I’m engaged to a man and we are getting married in 6 months. I have never cooked, cleaned, washed, in fact I have never done any house chores for him but he loves me the way I am, he knows that once he becomes my husband i will take good care of him. In the beginning of our relationship, I told him just like I do with any man who wants to date me that I won’t do any house chores for him, my husband is the only person whom house chores I will do, he smiled and told me that he wasn’t expecting me do to them. Love or marriage shouldn’t have conditions. If men are not supposed to prove that they are husband material why should women do?

  34. Browngyrl

    July 11, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    All these hooplah about cooking or not cooking. I have been on the side of both and I have realized that it does not mean shit. He does not mean the guy would appreciate you more and starting thinking about putting a ring on it. I like cooking, to me….feeding a person is a basic thing, I feel that it’s a basic way of showing someone that you care…whether friend, significant other, family…it’s simply a way of welcoming the person. But I have dated a guy in the past that i cooked for in the way I cooked for every other person in my life…but the end of the day, after 3 years together, the idiot came and said that i was taking over and control of his life, that he does not cook anymore because of me blah, blah, blah… which was far from the truth anyway. I was a student at the time and who has time for all that cooking? Anyway, next!!! I was dating another guy briefly in another state, I went to visit him one weekend…only for the guy to asking me what we are eating?? I was WTF? Am I not at your place? Did you know I was coming? Was this a surprise visit? He was expecting me to start defrosting meat and all that to make his behind dinner after I made breakfast. That was the last time I visited his dumb behind and stopped talking to him a few days after. Anyway, fastforward to now, I am dating someone new, who appreciates my cooking, and does not demand and see it as controlling but what i realized as I was typing this, is that he does most of the cooking.. I have woken up several times to him finishing up making breakfast. And when I do cook, he his in the kitchen with me most times, cutting up stuff ( Sous chef duties) or just keeping me company as I cook and I do the same for him. All the ladies here bragging about their cooking skills and guys having that stew on the brain….so what should we do with that info?? You want standing ovation? All Toke was trying to say is that you should go above and beyond to get a man to marry you. If he wants to, he will. Same goes for the guys, do go broke trying to get a girl!!!

    • Mimi

      July 11, 2013 at 6:06 pm

      Some people have comprehension problem. Where, where, where did anyone write that cooking will make him appreciate you more. You need to re-evaluate yourself and your relationship and find out where things went wrong and learn from it and stop carrying this huge chip on your shoulder and painting yourself so great that you did all that and he still left. I am sure if you sit the guy down, he too will have a long list of things that you did wrong. Like Mr B said, women and only telling one side of the story. The guy is the bad one, they did everything right and never did anything wrong, the guy still misbehaved. You put importance on what you did for him that is why it is paining you. You saw it as a big deal, if not you will just chuck it as one of those things and life goes on. Women stop attaching importance to things like cooking and cleaning. It is not a big deal. Do it if you want but don’t go crying blue murder if you did and the relationship still went south. That is the point many women on here are missing. Toke included. You don’t regret the sex na. You slept with him and enjoyed it. So why is the cooking and cleaning paining you. It is the sex that should even pain you more because the guy used you to do chop and clean mouth. This current guy you are dating, it also doesn’t mean that because you don’t go all out to cook he will marry you. It is today that you know, you don’t know tomorrow. Some women have gone above and beyond and they have gotten the ring. You won’t hear such stories, but it is the whiny whiny ones like you that lament all over the place as if he put a gun to your head to do it. Some women have also not gone over and beyond and they have gotten the ring too. So Toke’s argument is very biased. She in her how many years of dating Maje, it’s only Introduction we hear since. Everyone knows doing Introduction means nothing. So madam stop carrying that i did this, I did that for him. I’m sure he too can list all the things that he did for you too. Stop telling only your own side. Should we give you a hug too for all your efforts, abi what should we do with your sob story. This is in response to your standing ovation comment because there was no need to interject your bitterness just like @dbaby. Won’t be surprised if it is the same person.

    • Browngyrl

      July 11, 2013 at 8:32 pm

      Did you read what i wrote? or did you just write your piece without full comprehension yourself. I said, I have been on sides of both.. Cooked and got appreciated and cooked and did not get appreciated…apparently, it was my flaw according to the guy. Like i stated earlier, I like cooking, it also therapeutic for me. I have a bad day, I cook it out… So @mimi, maybe you need to read my post again. Like I said earlier, I agree with Toke, you don’t need to enslave yourself and go above and beyond before you the man sees you as wife material. Just be yourself whatever your strengths as show it but do not feel it’s an obligation to do this or do that and as for all the women that are saying that oh, but the man wined and dined you. Well, for me, I wined & dined the guys I dated, I have picked up the bill at the end of a meal bought presents blah, blah, blah and when it was over, I did not regret what I did, cos it came from a good place with no ulterior motives. The way I see it, whatever a significant other does for you while you are in the dating phase should be appreciated, It’s a privilege not a right!

    • aj

      July 12, 2013 at 6:27 am

      too long!

    • aj

      July 12, 2013 at 6:26 am

      damn! epistle much??

    • d baby

      July 12, 2013 at 4:26 pm

      gbamest comment i guess they need standing ovation for their cooking skills nd mind u im a very good cook nd wont come here nd start bragging of how i can cook for africa

  35. London girl

    July 11, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    Wellll….may God bless toke makinwa….I ensalved my self for one – call ayo….cook’ clean, f- him nicely and pretend I was enjoying his tiny -…in the end nigga dumped me for an 18 yr old his mother chose for him….still he wants to eat his cake en ve it….I said bye en – off to #Mrsmallpenis aka #rufeeling me….oloshi jati jati

  36. milly

    July 11, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    True! This is fantastic piece, put a ring on it and stop wasting a woman’s life. If you want to have sex and a home cooked meal, then put a ring on it,as what’s the point buying the cow ,when you are already milking it for free.
    Ladies be wise!

    • Mimi

      July 11, 2013 at 6:43 pm

      Go back and check what you wrote. You enslaved yourself. You. You. You. You did that, no one forced you to. If you dig down deep to girls like you and Brown Girl who are lamenting it is because the motives behind your doing it wasn’t genuine. If it was, you won’t call it up as something you are holding over his head. So you did all that, and your payback is that he should have married you even though you may have the worst character in the world. If it is up to that, men will be marrying their maids. If you do such things with genuinely and not to impress or prove anything it won’t hurt like you are saying. You were too eager to please. It is stories like yours that make some other silly girls dig their heel in the floor and let good guys who will appreciate their efforts go. My brother’s ex was one of such women. We couldn’t wait to see the back of her because she didn’t deserve him at all. Never met such a leech in my life before. He is married to the sweetest woman I have ever met. She also did all you listed, things modern women will sneer at and she still got married. What is your response to that? There men that appreciate it there are men that don’t. Evaluate your relationship, don’t be rigid. If he doesn’t deserve it or is not worth it, why are you even with him? If he deserves it and you still think no o, he should love me for me. Okay na, you had better be a prayer warrior o. There are also men that see through your smokescreen and know that you are using such things as as your game plan. A man who wants more than a slave will let you do all that and still take to his heels. When he sees the mate that he wants he will drop you like hot coal, then you will come on here and be lamenting about all you did for him. Ngwanu go sit down abeg.

    • Browngyrl

      July 11, 2013 at 8:33 pm

      Did you read what i wrote? or did you just write your piece without full comprehension yourself. I said, I have been on sides of both.. Cooked and got appreciated and cooked and did not get appreciated…apparently, it was my flaw according to the guy. Like i stated earlier, I like cooking, it also therapeutic for me. I have a bad day, I cook it out… So @mimi, maybe you need to read my post again. Like I said earlier, I agree with Toke, you don’t need to enslave yourself and go above and beyond before you the man sees you as wife material. Just be yourself whatever your strengths as show it but do not feel it’s an obligation to do this or do that and as for all the women that are saying that oh, but the man wined and dined you. Well, for me, I wined & dined the guys I dated, I have picked up the bill at the end of a meal bought presents blah, blah, blah and when it was over, I did not regret what I did, cos it came from a good place with no ulterior motives. The way I see it, whatever a significant other does for you while you are in the dating phase should be appreciated, It’s a privilege not a right!

    • Browngyrl

      July 11, 2013 at 8:37 pm

      Did you not read this write up to? The lady wrote in the first line…”I enslaved myself”…If you are going to replying this much… you should at least read the story well first before replying.

  37. Blesson

    July 11, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    Have been in a relationship whereby i cook his meal whenever am around, wash his undies, clean his house and also give him good sex. He doesn’t impose that on me but due to the fact that am a lady and would be a wife someday, i need to make my surroundings look nice and clean. He loves me more than i do, yet that’s doesn’t stop a man from cheating. And the moment i caught him cheating on me he becomes a baby, does all manner of things ( vacation, shopping, kiss me, make sweet love etc) to make me happy and i forgive him bcos i love him too. I stick with him bcos he’s been a sweet and loving person to me,we understand each-other, know how to amend our flaws. Also gives me my respect amidst his family and friends. So why should i hide what i love doing, when domestic chores is part of me. Relationship is about understanding and tolerance!!!

    • new bride

      July 11, 2013 at 6:55 pm

      You need deliverance!

    • i no send

      July 11, 2013 at 8:18 pm

      loooooooooooool once again

    • Kia

      July 13, 2013 at 8:18 pm

      Yuck! Ewwh! Why ? Can’t he wash his undies himself? And u are not even married
      For real oh! This scary

    • Sel

      July 11, 2013 at 7:20 pm

      And why should he buy the cow when he’s getting the milk for free? Seriously you wash his undies?? Do you even wash that of your father? And he cheats on you but makes it up with shopping and vacation but you love him because he’s what reason did you give again.
      Woman you have self esteem issues. Wait till his cheating brings home and STD then you go know say you love well well.
      Truly your comment has troubled my spirit

    • magh

      July 12, 2013 at 8:57 am

      sister miiiiii!! good qweshun! DO YOU WASH YA PAPA’S PANT AND BOXERS ?? kai!! i just w

    • Sel

      July 11, 2013 at 7:23 pm

      If he’s so sweet and loving why does he cheat on you? I really can’t get over you comment. I didn’t know people still have arrangements like this

    • magh

      July 12, 2013 at 9:01 am

      sister miiiiii!! good qweshun! DO YOU WASH YA PAPA’S PANT AND BOXERS ?? kai!! i just want to believe this person wrote this to make us laff or shocked.. he loves you hun..std cant destroy that

    • Person

      July 11, 2013 at 7:29 pm

      You are a learner!

    • slice

      July 11, 2013 at 7:31 pm

      no need to make him apologize for cheating. just have an open relationship already

    • aj

      July 12, 2013 at 6:29 am

      you are a maga! no offence!!! looool

    • aj

      July 12, 2013 at 6:37 am

      i agree that love should not come with conditions. if a man loves you he loves you regardless of what you do or don’t do. no need to turn yourself into a house girl for his stamp of approval.

    • Ada Nnewi

      July 12, 2013 at 10:26 am

      😮 …….Wash his Pata!….hmmmmm

    • Kia

      July 13, 2013 at 8:13 pm

      Yuck! Ewwh! Why ? Can’t he wash his undies himself? And u are not even married

  38. tessy

    July 11, 2013 at 6:45 pm


  39. Yej

    July 11, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    Lol…Na wa o at these comments. Atone just said girls shouldn’t be slaves and should not make investments where there is no commitment. She didn’t say Don’t cook!

  40. Yej

    July 11, 2013 at 6:57 pm


  41. Yinka Ogunbajo

    July 11, 2013 at 7:32 pm

    Thanks Toke! That is the truth, women spend too much time trying to please others! and what is the end result??? please ladies be yourself! 🙂

    • Sel

      July 11, 2013 at 7:43 pm

      And men spend too much money trying to please us women. What advice do you have for the men

    • Mimi

      July 11, 2013 at 7:57 pm

      GBAM!!!! ROTFLAMO. Next week Toke will come with a video of a girl complaining that her man doesn’t spend on her and she will accuse the girl of being a learner. Isn’t it Bisi beside you that her man just got her a jeep, you are still there suffering on top what. You better sharp up. Sipping my cold fanta and waiting for that video. Lol

    • SDavid

      July 12, 2013 at 11:50 pm

      You are not her father. don’t spend money on someone that is not your own. if you can woo her with money. anybody can woo her too.

  42. Princess

    July 11, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    haha here i was last week thinking this was just a Nigerian mentality o!. i was working on a project and decided to spend 1week in my boyfriends house, as i was busy he did all d cooking and cleaning, his flatmate a 50-60 year old British man calls him aside as asked him “doesnt ur girlfrd cook”. omaste o! see me see wahala. I personally think do the things that make u happy, if u feel like cooking cook! cleaning clean!… buying a gift buy… but do not do it in a bide to please him. because if d relationship falls apart would u regret u actions. i have sex to please me! i cook to please me, and i cook what i like, when i think its looking like a duty, i dey mash break Oga will take over. like Toke said a man who loves you would love u absolutely. i had dat type of love once, it was beautiful…. in his eyes i had no flaw…

    • Ona

      July 12, 2013 at 9:36 pm

      U r so selfish! So u do things only when it pleases u meanwhile ur man cooks for u to please u. Abi u think the food he cooks u adds protein to his body?? U lots are ridiculous on here, and need to calm all the way down. U expect ur man to go outta his way and “take over” the chores while u sit ur ass down and dont go outta ur way for him? Homegirl, u aint in love at all! Either that or u r very self-absorbed. Nothing wrong with ur man catering to u, but what are u doing in return?

  43. Jade82

    July 11, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    Thanks Toke you are 100% correct jare…
    One thing people need to understand is different things work for different people. You might cook up a storm and ur boo will wife you immediately, u might not do shit and the dude wants you which ever way.
    At the end of the day you have to experience and learn what works for you.
    Ladies just have to set ur standards from the beginning.

  44. ibukungeorge

    July 11, 2013 at 8:24 pm


  45. deyepee

    July 11, 2013 at 8:25 pm

    nawa o. I have never met a man who thinks I should cook for him tho (not like i love cooking tho) . I dont think u should cook for any man to feel like im a wife material. Some ladies commented that because he takes u out then u have to cook or clean for him? I m sorry i think u say that because u think a man is obligated to spend his hard earned money shopping for u.

  46. Ona

    July 11, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    BTW, all of u echoing toke’s “be yourself” comment….what exactly does that mean? Is cooking innate?? Isnt it an acquired skill the way u acquire skills for ur job? If u wanna go by that “be yourself” logic, and dont do shit for ur man works for u, then kukuma sit ur bunz home and do nothing….dont go to school, dont work, dont hustle….let society accept u for “who you are”. #hungergofinishu!

    And i hope y’all know that toke is engaged….if u like siddon there dey take her word as bond. What works for her wont work for everyone. Besides, who really knows if she wasn’t cooking for her man earlier on in the relationship and doing other “wifey” stuff.
    By all means, dont be a fool and do everything for a man who doesnt reciprocate, but if he’s doing his own part….why are u holding out??

    Toke are u celibate? Why arent u holding that out too?

  47. feran

    July 11, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    WOW!!! Such ramblings from different people. There’s nothing wrong with cooking for your boyfriend if you like doing it! What Toke is saying is dont do stuff for him (e.g. cooking) just because you want to get married to him. Be yourself, if that includes cooking then why not, otherwise share whatever it is you like doing with him. Too many comments trying to defend their actions!!!

  48. loveth

    July 11, 2013 at 9:39 pm


  49. loveth

    July 11, 2013 at 9:44 pm


    • Ada Nnewi

      July 12, 2013 at 2:06 pm

      Kitikpa!!!ROTFLMAO!! I just imagined you actually saying that in my mum’s tone…LMAO!!! *wipes tears from eyes*….OMD’s! Can’t stop Laughing!

  50. irokoroots

    July 11, 2013 at 10:15 pm

    …..On a sidenote, some people just learnt the meaning of comprehension today. lol

  51. Blesson

    July 11, 2013 at 10:43 pm

    @ SEL, read my comment properly…i did not say am with him bcos of what he gives me. First i said he doesn’t impose such on i do at my own free will. Ok tell me ur bf has never cheated on you… #mtcheew ..Well maybe u one those babes whose bf cheat on them and they end up apologizing to him with gifts and cries. Everyone has diff reasons why they re with their man , nd ve just stated mine… So kini ti e….Abeg go yansh down jare!!

    • Sel

      July 12, 2013 at 6:41 pm

      Blessing I’m just so sorry for you. The fact that you openly wrote about your relationship details shows that you think you have a model relationship of some sort.
      I don’t even care about the house work you do, but the fact that he repeatedly cheats on you but you still stay with him cos of Gifts and vacations. You are worth more than that. Every girl deserves faithfulness, loyalty and commitment and yours should not be bought.
      Fyi, I’m married and the day I find out he’s cheating, I walk out. What if that one cheating time brings home HIV. My life is too precious to be wasted over a man who can’t zip. But you know, I trust my husband not because of his vows to me, but because of the fear of The Lord in him and his own life principles that make up the very core of him.
      I really wish you the best

  52. Blesson

    July 12, 2013 at 12:08 am

    @SEL… FYI: In the country where i am, I don’t see anything wrong helping ur man put his undies in the washing machine.. #okbye

    • magh

      July 12, 2013 at 9:09 am

      Blesson, in some parts in nigeria and other countries people wash their clothes with their hands and hang to air dry. so we are assuming she washes his underwear with her hand.,,


    July 12, 2013 at 12:17 am

    there is nothing like good girl anymore, he nor dey pay…same guys who curse bad chicks, runs girls, etc go back and marry these bitches,…. Bad bitches are getting married everyday…

    • Chikaka

      July 12, 2013 at 9:36 am


  54. Bliss

    July 12, 2013 at 12:43 am

    What’s good for the goose is not always good for the gander.
    The very root of this issue is what Drake was talking about in his Thank me Now song and I quote:
    “. . . women that are ready to get married at hello
    because of what they allow
    where are they all now. . .”
    Marriage is a very noble thing to do but WITH THE RIGHT PERSON, not just anybody. But first you have to love and respect yourself. If you have your career going for you, great friends and family and you are constantly checking things off of your bucket list, the need to obsesses hysterically over someone wife- ing you up decreases exponentially. If you let people bully you into saying yes to the first guy that proposes, all they will tell you when you are suffering in your marriage is the most condescending of all condescending statements “. . . Just manage and keep praying. He is your husband. All men are like that.” One out of two marriages at least in America fail(you don’t want to be another statistic).
    I personally have always dated guys who are in the same social class as me, so I don’t expect all my shopping sprees to be sponsored and like wise the boosfriend don’t expect too much from me neither. These days the roles in typical modern house holds are androgynous. Everyone has their own hustle. So a dude can’t really expect that he and his wife will work 9-5 and then when he gets home, he lounges on the couch while his wife grabs him a cold one. This isn’t 1962. Hell some guys really love to cook( See Chef Fregz now) in fact most Chefs are men, so one would expect that when we get home we both slip into something cozy and hit the kitchen to prepare a really healthy/tasty meal for both of us. Maybe I’m julienning the carrots for the salad, then he is working the grill #teameffort. In addition, you shouldn’t be looking for a relationship to fulfill you. When you do that, you are putting too much pressure on the other person. We are all human and we make mistakes – so it is unfair to put someone on a pedestal. They are bound to disappoint, it’s just a matter of time. Lastly, no matter how many amazing friends, family members and colleagues you have, on a much deeper level we are all alone in this world, so it will do you good not to rely too heavily on other people. Be Miss Independent where necessary/possible.

  55. miss

    July 12, 2013 at 1:57 am

    And everyone is not bashing Toke today but bashing the men they’ve met in their lives:), common ground where all women meet.
    ok my contribution, donnnnnnnnnnnnnnn’t cook or wash his clothe because either way he knows who he will pick. I use to see this guy years ago he was asking for the cooking and washing thingy and I told him frankly; if you want all that then marry a wife. this guy is stingy eww!!! Akagum does not describe him yet he wants me to be buying expensive stuffs for him( my mum didn’t raise world class Miss stupid) and also cooking because he has a friend whose girlfriend does all that for him. the day I saw this friend and the side chick(other girl) ,you need to see her ordering bobo(the friend) all around the place , me I was taking in the whole scene. fast forward ,along the way came my Mr. spender that wasn’t looking for maid and came also with loads of love so I dropped Mr. akagum and he went about crying boo-hoo(don’t know why because he was actively cheating on me and I later caught him in the act) his was brother giving excuses on his behalf and people from his camp calling me names, didn’t bother my head about them I enjoyed the new relationship to the fullest, met new people, until distance separated us and for once he never asked me to do anything against my will. am happy I didn’t turn myself to a maid. my 1 cent don’t do it unless it’s your nature, if not your fakeness will show and that one go bad.

  56. Seki

    July 12, 2013 at 3:39 am

    AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love this babe! I dey gbadun your talk. Point here is be yourself! If yourself is cooking n cleaning then good and if ure chilling type good! Don’t kill ur self because ure trying to impress! Some ppl have it and some do not. BE YOUR SELF

  57. Oaken

    July 12, 2013 at 3:41 am

    Toke….when you get a promise ring, not engagement o, not wedding o…common promise ring, come back and do a sequel to this…adojutini omo

  58. Spaz Out

    July 12, 2013 at 3:49 am

    Apparently 9ja girls are kolo over cooking for their B/f … they are all some cooking network Star Chef… Lmao.
    This is Toke’s best work!!! judging from dissertations composed!

  59. Desiree

    July 12, 2013 at 6:24 am

    For real tho this gal shd take a chill pill wit her stupid videos! First of all her dude hasn’t put on ring on it n she’s busy advising pole on what she doesn’t know! So cus Linda ikeji has a blog that has made her popular,toke too wants to be popular by force! Mehn dude go n work in a bank jot kmt!

  60. Amity

    July 12, 2013 at 10:50 am

    @HOT GEESS and Onna *Kisses and hugs*

  61. Titi

    July 12, 2013 at 11:18 am

    All of you making all these comments about things you know nothing about o……. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!!! Live and learn. someone I know who got married to a lady who ‘can’t cook, won’t cook’ six years ago, the marriage is over and this is one of the reasons he cited. She desperately want to get back together and ‘Change’ because she knows the truth which is, it is a man’s world. Tomorrow he will marry a younger hotter babe and where would that leave her. Men do the asking and each man must have his criterias, so bear that in mind………would you rather marry a pretty babe who is a very good home maker or a beautiful one who can’t or won’t do jack?? And trust me, the beautiful babe who cannot do anything would more likely than not have bags of bad attitude to top the inabilities…….

    • slice

      July 12, 2013 at 1:15 pm

      All ur comments seem infused with fear of losing the guy. Just saying.

    • Titi

      July 12, 2013 at 4:18 pm

      Losing what guy?!! Happily married Babe, known him since I was 6years old, 4 years and counting, you?

    • slice

      July 12, 2013 at 4:47 pm

      I didn’t say u’re afraid of losing ur guy. I sd u seem to always suggest if the girl doesn’t do this or that she’ll lose the guy. Is that why u take care of ur man? U’re scared if u don’t u’ll lose him or do u do it bc love and care is what makes for a good marriage

  62. Remi

    July 12, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    to ur tents oh isreal…let everyone cont. wit there relationship management,woteva works for you remains d best possible way eva..guys,we can do better than confusing ourselves,personally,i avnt bn a guy wu is not agog to cook for me,infact,smtyms i jst wonder& offcourse i cook well &clean if need be buh i always get a call even before i arrived on what my choice for the meal wld be,basically it all depnds on u both&how deep what you share is,pardon me for conveying my point ds way jst incase u dnt like it buh as much as i love toke&d hilarious video,i bliv whats good for everyone,trust me may nt b good for you….#rule ur worldURSEF# love is not jst abt taking,its also abt giving

  63. Sunny

    July 12, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    @MzSociallyawkward u r obviously socially awkward. Toke has always been fake and is still fake as ever. What’s up with the fake ACCENT? some1 called it PORSH, what is PORSH about it please? That is a girl that has obviously watched to much American TV and now tries to speak like 1 of them. Toke Makinwa stop – your partner because you are not suppose to do it b4 marriage anyway.

  64. doll

    July 12, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    When i met my ex he told me about his side piece who desperately wanted to upgrade to girlfriend status by cleaning, cooking and scrubbing his bathroom every weekend. Itold him, what if shes doing it cuz she loves you and hes like na….it reeks of desperation….
    I never cooked for him sha… not domesticated anyways

    Personally like i said im not really domestic so i never bothered to pretend, il cook when i want to and it was very rare and far in btw. Today, im married and i cook only on weekends…i bowever go out of my ways on the weekends to do proper goumet….i know when the kids come i’l need to cook everyday…..but till then

    Be yourself a d if you are cooking, cleaning or anything….do it because it is who you are not because you are trying to cop the ring

  65. princessa

    July 12, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    tanks @ John and dats true @ doll. do it only because it is part of being u. As for dose who cnt read cus of CAP LOCKS well am not surpised………………………a word to a wise is sufficient. then vry soon we will hear the almighty sentence “had i known”

  66. The Guy You Didn't Marry

    July 12, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    This topic must have touched a lot of ones. The truth is cooking is not a task. Am sure most of you talking here will expect the guy to also do somethings. The truth is don’t be deceived if you don’t know how to cook learn. And don’t do strong head that you won’t cook because you are not sure if he will put a ring. Have you noticed that its all bitter comments here the guy left me and blah blah blah because the married ones are home still cooking for their husbands

    Its common sense take care of your man the best way you can but don’t feel you will have a nasty behavior and because you cook thats your gold card. See some of you complaining now if we examine your case well there were other reasons he left you o but because your strategy was cooking you feel he still left you. As a guy wife material is homely and if you like wear mini skirt like Toke advised to your inlaws and expect then to love you because you are your self i pity you

    Even christianity is done with wisdom not to talk of relationship. Be yourself don’t let another woman use cheap food to take your man but don’t slave for the guy buy please cook oooooo. You sleeping with him already so how will cooking remove anything. Please ooooo cook or learn if you don’t know but don’t slave. The issue is most women ignore their other negatives because they are cooking. We don’t roll that way. Cooking is just additional point but never the main one.

    Examine yourself all of you talking did he leave you because you were cooking or there were other reasons be truthful. You have forgotten when you shouted at him or disrespected him and now you come on bella to say he left your ass after all the cooking. Did you put jazz in the food ni? Examine yourself and don’t think you will have a nasty behavior and cooking will solve it. We look for a lot of things not only cooking.

    But please my single sisters cook once once don’t go and do agidi oooooo.

  67. Content

    July 12, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    So, there was this ex… i cooked occasionally, when i wanted too…or he asked me to please cook something for him and helped him clean when he got a new place. It was all done from the mindset of ‘he is my friend’ . Nothing I couldn’t do for another male/female friend… but he left.

    I’m with another darling now. I still cook occasionally…maybe he’s been away for a bit…it will be nice to have a home cooked meal and not eat out on the first night. When he visits me, there’s food in the kitchen, i serve him; there isn’t food, didn’t plan on cooking….honey, we eating out. I haven’t cleaned his house or done his laundry…yet he has proposed.

    If its important for a guy to know if you can clean or cook or do them domestic things…when he pays you a visit, he can tell from the condition of your own house. If your house is tidy….it’s evidence that you are a tidy person and will only naturally, keep your marital home tidy. He visits, you feed him, he tastes your cooking and approves or disapproves (in his mind). You don’t need to go out of your way to prove a point! Cooking and cleaning for a guy is no formula to marriage. He will marry you if he wants to and will not if he doesn’t….with all the afang and efo riro…

    At Toke’s point: the lashes and all the make up MAY attract a guy, but it WILL NOT keep him.
    The conclusion of the matter is that your character and attitude keeps a man…not whether or not you cook and clean. I learnt after my ex left.

  68. Vintage Chic

    July 12, 2013 at 5:32 pm

    Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie couldn’t have said it better. Check out her TEDx talk

  69. ada

    July 12, 2013 at 5:32 pm

    enough of the cooking ish abeg
    if you like cook turkey in diamond sauce, rotate 360 in bed. If it no be you i no go be.

  70. Sigh

    July 12, 2013 at 6:10 pm

    My hubby to be is the domestic one in our relationship, he does it all, cook, clean, does the laundry. I do nothing he does it all and we have planned it that when his fam come to visit i will do the cooking hehe.

  71. Anonymous

    July 12, 2013 at 8:04 pm

    So you’re one of those that believe men will always cheat? That’s a lie from the pit of hell. such a pathetic mentality.

  72. Eve

    July 12, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    It doesn’t matter who does what in a relationship.too much rambling..any adult knows a good relationship..people only chose th be in bad relationships for their own reasons…nothing is by force..people should learn to make themselves happy! Please u b4 another..,. Life is easier that way..cause while some men like natural everything some like it fake… Go for what works 4 u!


    July 12, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    TOKE IS RIGHT! NIGERIAN GIRLS ARE DISGRACEFUL! cooking, cleaning, when you know your Boy has five other girls

  74. Amira

    July 16, 2013 at 12:20 am

    All this debate/annoying rules about dating and what will make the man put a ring on it or not is unnecessary. Individuals should go for what works for them. I personally love to cook, nothing attached to it. I’m caring and nurturing like that. It has nothing to do with settling or not. Before I married my husband, I cooked for my ex and our breakup had nothing to do with doing wife duties before he put a ring on it. I know, i cooked for my husband before we married. when he came to visit me, i make sure i cook for him and vice versa. If she wants to focus on cooking, what about the sex part bcos isn’t that part of what comes with wife. My point is, if a man loves a woman, and sees her as a wife material, he will marry her. When men are indecisive or not certain about marrying a woman, it’s other factor. And, cooking is not about slaving in the kitchen, it’s just a way to show ur caring ur side and smth fun/relaxing to do only ones that love to cook. We all love food.

  75. JAY

    September 12, 2013 at 11:09 am


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