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What is the Definition of ‘Good Sex’?

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“Guess what? My naughty friend whispered to me one evening on our way home from work. “I found an app that contains over four hundred sexual positions”.

“Really” I whispered back as I angled closer to her.

As you can expect, we proceeded to spend our forty minutes journey curiously examining the app, flicking from one position to another (the images so hot they could burn your eyeballs), giggling like school girls all the way. We analysed the merits of each one as we tried to visualize ourselves in the positions with our other half. Of course we had to be mindful of the many eyes and ears around us on the London underground before we made the headlines on BBC!

By the end of our ‘look-see’ my eyes were popping out-maybe a little crazily but who cared? I had been thoroughly schooled by this app. Don’t ask for specifics and I won’t tell you but my head was full! Who uses this stuff? I questioned myself silently. Surely not normal people?

Well for our own peace of mind, we decided that what we had just seen was of no relevance to us. In fact, it was better suited to gymnasts (correct ones o), weight watchers and other professionals- if you understand what I mean.

Many weeks passed after the phone app incident and I still had questions. I could have looked on the internet but I didn’t want to get caught sneakily asking Google about Sex!  And I couldn’t bring it up with my naughty friend because I knew she would only give me naughty answers accompanied with funny winks. So after further thought, I asked my older friend from church who had been married for a few years what she thought was the right amount of adventure to have with sex. Ladies and gentlemen, her answer was nothing like I expected.

Without much ado, she told-no preached to me about God’s plan for sex-with bible quotes. She told me how enjoying it too much was a sin or led to sin (I didn’t quite grasp that bit) and how I should stick to having sex for the main purpose of child bearing. After all, the Bible said nothing about enjoyment when it mentioned people getting married or having children. The one that boggled my mind was when she causally mentioned that only spoilt girls enjoy it anyway so I should just have enough of it to keep my husband happy because every strong marriage needs enough sex.  At this point I hastily ended the conversation before she damaged me completely. Then I promised myself that I will forget everything she said once I wrote about it.

In retrospect, I understand my friend’s view point. In Africa especially, no one talks openly about sex. It is like the CIA or FBI’s classified secrets. It is something we think or know about but dare not admit to. As we grow older, some of us get married and have children of our own, yet many of our questions are still unanswered but we choose to suffer on instead of braving the bewilderment that will greet you if you risked asking the ‘grown ups’. I can just picture the shock in my mother’s eyes if I asked her the question(s) I would flippantly ask my friends.

I hope that our generation will raise their children differently. A little openness will ensure our children feel safe enough to talk to us plus it will reduce the awkwardness that many adults feel about sex even when they are married but that is a story for another day.

For today, let’s simply discuss, as honestly as possible, what it means to have ‘good sex’ as my favourite app promised we would do once we mastered its many styles.

Dear readers, is there good and bad sex? How do you measure whether it is good or bad? To whom or where will you go if you had unanswered questions or you and your partner were not working magic yet?

Also we would love to hear what the different holy books say or don’t say about the act of lovemaking.

Photo Credit: YNaija
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Kome Olori Agulonu is a writer and business analyst. She is also the CEO of Chunky Jewels, a brand of unique, handmade, African inspired costume jewellery sold in the United Kingdom. You can follow her on twitter @komeolori or email her at [email protected]

Kome Olori Agulonu is a writer and trade finance analyst. She is also the CEO of Chunky Jewels, a brand of unique, African inspired costume jewellery sold online in the United Kingdom. You can read more of her writing on her blog: www.shedarestosucceed.com Connect with her via twitter @komeolori or email her at [email protected]

159 Comments

  1. *Real*Nice Anon

    July 16, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    LOL! Good sex? Well, let’s just say that there are men in this 2013 who don’t give head/oral sex. *flies by in Okada*

  2. God dey sha

    July 16, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    Yay. First comment!!! Well, I’m quite sad for your friend. Mostly because she’s never enjoyed sex with her husband. And what Bible is she reading? I have a very firm stance against pre-marital sex. That will never change. But it should be enjoyed once married. Have plenty. Have fun and then people won’t be so scared of waiting till marriage when theyhear how spicy it could still be. That’s why God made it enjoyable anyway. I’d ask her to reference those biblical passages for me. I love church, I love my God and in this day and age, I think people should have informed biblical truths not messages contorted by culture to soothe one’s mind.

    • naija husband

      July 16, 2013 at 3:19 pm

      exactly. I really want to know what church that was, or what bible she was reading. Maybe she just skipped over “song of solomon” in her daily devotions. naijahusband.wordpress.com

    • Gee Bee

      July 16, 2013 at 3:31 pm

      Oshey !

    • Munwa

      July 16, 2013 at 9:49 pm

      God bless you for your comment. I totally agree with you.

  3. Tuu

    July 16, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    oya nao..let d comments begin!LMAO

  4. NIRA

    July 16, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    I don’t know about others, but I and my friends discuss sex openly. It’s not a taboo anymore among us, we even discuss ways to improve on it. Good sex should should leave both partners fully satisfied, with at least one orgasm each. In my opinion.

    • Gee Bee

      July 16, 2013 at 3:17 pm

      Oshey !

  5. bella

    July 16, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    i cant stop laffing 4 now,seriosly,pple are lookin @ me in my offiz d way am laffing,very lovely and funny article……………comment later

  6. jade

    July 16, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    LOL, Good sex… mmmmmm. Lol, reminiscing, nevertheless as it relates to the bible, God created Eve for Adam for his enjoyment. clearly there must be some sort of sex involved hence Cain and Able. I dont see why it is sooooo taboo to actually enjoy sex. I get it, to talk about sex with your kids is maybe not the first thing on your to do list, but the thing is, back then there werent so much influences to give kids the wrong ideas. Now, Christ, its simply ridiculous, its everywhere. My parents and i dont even breath the word to each other, but hey, i had great freinds and we approached the subject carefully amongst ourselves, reading researching and all, so when the time came, we werent all so clueless. When I have my child believe me, we certainly gonna have a lot of the birds and the bees talk. I will not let my child be clueless and open to all the wrong ideas about the word SEX.

  7. G-DaDa

    July 16, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    Well Well Well!! Good sex is relative though, for me, when i was single and ‘sampling’ about, the hunnie that is skillful, and open with sex was all i considered to have given good sex, but as time rolled by, i realised that there were more to it than just the physical.

    I was ‘schooled’ by an older ‘sisi’ , and she taught me the act and art of good love-making, i have to admit my life has never been the same again, it goes beyond the ‘wam-bam’ thingy, memorising my body,detecting my unknown G-spot and lots more.

    I now know how to make ‘sisi’ cum ceaselessly, and how beneficial it had been in all ways, although my ‘wifey’ isn’t a deep nor excellent love-maker, but wetin man go do now????????? We all definitely need to be more open and willing to ‘learn’ beyond the switch-off-the-bulb-and-night-only-sex.

  8. Concerned_Boyfriend

    July 16, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    Good sex is a relative term. Every good sex or lack of it boils down to communication between the parties involved. Sex is a very sacred topic in Africa and our reverence to this topic is a mixed blessing. Our unfettered embrace of western culture is changing our views on sex and i’m afraid it’s at our detriment. There’s a very thin line between exploiting our sexual options and sexual perversion. Sometimes not knowing too much is good for you…

    1
    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 16, 2013 at 3:23 pm

      For once, Concerned_Boyfriend, you and I are in completely unequivocal agreement regarding the matter at hand.

  9. jcsgrl

    July 16, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    He he he he he…let the comments roll. BN you’re looking for traffic this morning abi?

  10. Dora the explorer

    July 16, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    can’t wait to read comments..

  11. jcsgrl

    July 16, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    Ehe Kome pls what is the name of the app? wink wink

    • nickyminaj

      July 16, 2013 at 3:17 pm

      lol me too i want the name of the app just for looking sake.

      As per good sex i think its the type that leaves you satisfied. someone also told me oral sex is a sin and backed it up with bible passages i cant remember. my morale has been so so low since den. once again do send the name of the app.

    • Good

      July 17, 2013 at 4:28 am

      they are many apps for such. Search for ‘sex positions’ in either of the app stores, it should give you options.

  12. damsel

    July 16, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    definately dia is good and bad sex.
    good sex wen the two people involved go all out to enjoy each other by touching, kissing and engaging in foreplay before the whole ‘stick dick into pussy’ takes place while bad sex is wen d guy undresses d gal and digs into her life he wants to fetch water from a dry well…..

    • mel

      July 16, 2013 at 5:29 pm

      hahahahaha…oh my…u just cracked me up! u are jus hila!!!…is wen d guy undresses d gal and digs into her life he wants to fetch water from a dry well…..lol

    • nana

      July 20, 2013 at 2:36 am

      damsel u be too much …kikikikikikiki

  13. lorenz

    July 16, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    It’s hard to define good sex; but I believe great sex does not always involve the cliched bedroom . Being spontaneous is usually the key to great sex. Like doing it on a beach, the kitchen, the car, in front of a life sized mirror, in a penthouse, and all those unconventional places just for the thrill of it.
    I also believe great sex requires connection. There has to be a perfect mix of love, lust or compatibility- whichever applies to the individuals involved.

  14. Ibukun

    July 16, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    errr on the contrary i think the information out there is way beyond what we can even handle. the few people that still get awkward discussing sex are either very old or extremely conservative. lots of marriages have crashed cos of sex issues, apparently they lacked something major. meanwhile King Solomon was quite descriptive in the first few chapters of songs of solomon and if its in the bible, its the truth. maybe talking bou sex issues helps relationships, as long as its not lewd/stupid conversations.

  15. Joan

    July 16, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    Lol. BN, thank you for bringing this up cos we Africans just shy away from this kind of talk a whole lot.
    1. When it comes to good or bad sex, all I can say is please don’t be singing John Legend’s Tonight (Best You Ever Had) for the babe before anything happens. Wait for her mind to be blown (or not). At least, someone won’t be frowning when all is said and done, literally.
    2. I’ve heard church folk speak at seminars and conferences about how sex in marriage is supposed to be a certain way, how certain positions are an abomination to God, how you should have just enough sex to keep the marriage going because the Bible says something somewhere etc. I’ll state this clearly first: I am a Born-Again Christian and believe that sex should be ONLY within the confines of marriage! Having said that, if you do not do it in all ways possible (that you spouse agrees with), abeg where you wan do am??? People have said there are some positions that a man should not do with his wife (y’all know what I’m talking about), that those are for hookers or flings. Biko, when I marry, I shall tell my husband “honey, lemme be your hooker, your fling, your baby oku, your one night stand, anything you want! As long as it is not anal (which is strongly discouraged by medical experts for obvious reasons), abeg baby tell me how, where, and when you want am! That thing you have been fantasizing about, tell me so we can learn and try it together!”
    As my Igbo people say, otherwise “a n’alu gi ula laruo” (someone else will come and sleep your sleep for you). Truth be told, it is notions like the one above that discourage single people from talking about sex before marriage and then when they get in there with all these expectations, one party will now say “ummm I can’t do this o, it is disgusting.” When I don sign paper in front of pastor finish abi? My friend, arrange ya sef!
    Enjoying sex too much is a sin abi? Okay, I hear you o. That kind of thinking, my friend, is another cause of adultery and divorce in our society…my two kobo.
    P.S.: BN, please post my comment o, I tried to keep it as PG13 as possible lol

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 16, 2013 at 3:58 pm

      Actually (& just to address your last statement) the bible you adhere to as a Christian, gives counsel about moderation:-
      1 Cor 9:25 “And every man that strives for mastery is temperate in all things”
      Ephesians 5:18 “And be not drunk with wine wherein is excess, but be filled with the Spirit”
      1 Cor 6:12 ” All things are lawful unto me, but not all things are expedient: all things are lawful unto me but I will not be brought under the power of any”
      Prov 25:27 “It is not good to eat much honey; so for men to search their own glory is not glory”
      Gal 5:13 “For brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh but by love serve one another”.

      Definitely bashing my bible here and shamelessly so but only in reference to the fact that, yes, there can be a problem with enjoying sex a little too much even in a marriage (just in the same way you can be a glutton, shopaholic or workaholic). Not saying you can’t enjoy any of these activities but everything in moderation…

    • Tola

      July 16, 2013 at 4:05 pm

      @ Mz Socially Awkward…..
      Please when is sex a little too much in marriage???
      I understand all you quoted here…..yes don’t drink to get drunk. But how does that apply to sex? When is it too much??

    • lilz

      July 16, 2013 at 4:08 pm

      ira nu

    • MadamKofo

      July 16, 2013 at 5:31 pm

      Hi dear…are you not supposed to satisfy each other’s sexual appetite in marriage? It’s like you saying loving your husband/wife too much is bad? What is too much? The only too much there is, in my opinion, is when you place that person or action above God. Otherwise, if body scratch you, scratch your husband and have fun.

    • CarliforniaBawler

      July 16, 2013 at 6:04 pm

      I see where you’re coming from…..moderation is very very important mehn!! My friend told me she once went for a weekend christian couples retreat camp and this one couple decided to start doing the nookie in the middle of the night (in a room shared with 3 other couples o) when they thought everyone else was asleep. My friend was having a hard time sleeping, and got to listen in on everything even though they tried to keep it down, needless to say she was traumatized and would never look at them the same way again. Now that’s just nasty!!! Not because they had sex…..but the fact that they would disrespect other peoples space like that just aint right!

    • jade

      July 16, 2013 at 7:54 pm

      Na wa oooo, i dun die for this chick abi. U deh mek am fall on floor laffing now

    • follow follow

      July 16, 2013 at 4:05 pm

      I am so feeling you

    • MamaT

      July 16, 2013 at 4:20 pm

      Bless you dear. Wonderful comment.

    • MamaT

      July 16, 2013 at 4:22 pm

      Bless you dear Joan. Wonderful comment.

    • jade

      July 16, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      Na wa oooo, i dun die for this chick abi. U deh mek am fall on floor laffing now

  16. Miss Fab

    July 16, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    hmmmmmmmmm!!!!! (insert evil grin here)good sex is what I had last night! been smiling sheepishly all day @work! Making new discoveries with no holds barred. And yes I am married.

    • Madam the Madam

      July 16, 2013 at 3:49 pm

      Lmaooo

  17. beezprof

    July 16, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    All i really wanna know is the name of this app simply for research purposes. Thanks as you help a sister out

  18. Anonymous

    July 16, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    So, tell me, what’s ‘good sex’?

    • *Real*Nice Anon

      July 16, 2013 at 4:17 pm

      Inukwa ajuju.

  19. oose

    July 16, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    again dear bella remember my comment on voting comments up and down and then the comment of the week section ??? i think it will be great you gotta give this idea a chance girl xx

  20. naija husband

    July 16, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    I think it’s a bit of an exaggeration to say that “NO ONE” talks about sex in Africa. Actually, that’s just not true. They may not talk about it the way Americans do or the way the British do, but they certainly talk about it. Whether through euphemism or allegory, you’ll find men and women discussing their sex lives in all walks of life, in all countries on the continent. Perhaps, instead of demanding that “africans” (and i doubt the author is familiar with all of africa) talk and have sex openly (a la BBA), we should be asking ourselves to identify which ways africans do talk about sex, in a way that’s culturally relevant. As for that lady you spoke to on the bus, I’d be interested to know what church she attends. The churches I’ve been to do nothing but talk about sex, you’d think there was no other subject to talk about!

    • nma

      July 16, 2013 at 5:50 pm

      GBam you could not have said it any better Iremeber growing up and elderly people talked about sex openly but not in the blatant way wa the westerners do it .it was covered by proverbrs and adages so the young and innocent mind of children do not. D code it .s

  21. T_agul

    July 16, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    I just love this my wife……

  22. Iyke

    July 16, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    My gf came back from holidays with her family from Ibiza,this morning, well tanned and looking sexy. As I opened the door, right there and then, at the staircase, we started kissing….we couldn’t get enough of each other.I rubbed her hair, kissed her neck, ears et al…My Gosh, it was passionate.I kicked the door closed with my legs, carried her to the living room, gently lay her on the couch, and tore off her clothes…oh my Gos, what a body….gently, I caressed her, kissed her nipples and lowered myself to her honey pot. And the ‘Eating and licking’ began…..as she moaned and wiggle her hips, I couldn’t but help enjoy the juice of my beautiful lady.And when the orgasm came, it was explosive…..Gently, i stood up, inserted my sim and for 45 mins, was fulfilling my role as a bf, and then I came. It was amazing….the best welcome sex I could imagine.
    As am writing this, babe is exhausted and sleeping.
    That my friends, is what a good sex is all about.

    • aj

      July 17, 2013 at 6:38 am

      ewww lol bad boy!

    • ozzy

      July 17, 2013 at 3:58 pm

      sharap dere 45mins koor 5hours ni,im sure u non fit do reach 5mins sef

    • Bolt

      July 18, 2013 at 1:29 pm

      45min ke! In my opinion, 45mins is bad sex ohhh, shoo! whats that song again……I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me…

  23. Beautiful

    July 16, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    For me – good sex can happen anytime and anywhere, especially when its not planned, it always starts with a look, once i get that feeling in my belly and it moves down there *coughs*…. its even better when we have to try to be quiet cause we could get caught, when he has to place his hand over my mouth but my moans can hardly be quieted, when he tell me i’m beautiful though i know my hair is messy and my lipstick has smeared, when he tells me how good i smell and taste while gently or aggressively touching my body…(honestly some of the best sex i’ve had has been outside a building and definitely not on a bed, i probably have exhibitionist tendencies…le hubz makes me feel beautiful even when i add weight small and my middle looks chubby..and i think one of the reasons i really enjoy sex is he makes me feel so beautiful so i can let myself go…As for sex talk with parents, my mum is pretty open, (she keeps saying the bible says the marriage bed is undefiled, so sex should be for mutual pleasure) i know my parents have a great sex life (don’t want to think about it though).

  24. Zero

    July 16, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    Fukas….

  25. T_agul

    July 16, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    I think we will have a look at dat app when we get home dear……

  26. dominique

    July 16, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    That your friend is sad o.Can’t wait to get married and enjoy lotsa good sex with my hubby.

    • yep

      July 16, 2013 at 4:40 pm

      exactly, i an a virgin and i cannot wait to get married to experience all these things u guys have been talking about. *winks*

    • Buddy

      July 28, 2013 at 10:14 am

      U can catch a glimpse of it by playing with yourself…if u aint already doing that. Thats the way we virgins survive. I hv slowed down though cos am now too busy.

  27. Tunmi

    July 16, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    this is a funny topic considering Naija is the most populated country in Africa and it is in the top ten most populous in the world…so definitely people are having sex and lots of it.

    Good sex is relative and it depends on the circumstances. It is definitely a plus if it is with someone you are attracted to and like and the feeling is mutual. It’s more than just penetration. It involves foreplay, words (not necessarily dirty), touching, kissing, nibbling and paying attention to your partner. It can be a quickie and it can be a 20/30-minute thing. It can be planned, it can be spontaneous. Sex is something to be enjoyed whether you are religious or not.

    To me bad sex…I haven’t had it yet thank goodness. But we really need to stop attaching the Bible to every single thing, especially this one. And nowhere in the Bible does it forbid premarital sex. I am not religious but I have read the Bible and the only reference is in the Old Testament, meanwhile in the New Testament only the total mis-translation of the Greek word “porneia” as “fornication” – a clear lie that has no basis.

    I do think we as Nigerians and Africans should really talk about sex more often. We didn’t get to have so many people with just in-vitro. We do need to be educated about it: the good and the bad, the associated risks and the benefits, the STDs, the orgasms, masturbation, the organs and their names, how to clean it (and not to douche), how to keep it healthy, ending certain practices (FGM), safe practices and whatnot. We really cannot afford to keep our heads in the sand.

    — I guess I should say this, I am not religious. I don’t believe in God. I do have a boyfriend. I am having safe sex with birth control.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 16, 2013 at 5:06 pm

      “Absolutely nowhere in the bible does it forbid premarital sex”. Oh dear … permit me to retrieve my bible for some more bashing:-

      Mark 10:2-10 (Words of Jesus) Some Pharisees came, and to test him they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (note: the only joining here mentioned is to a wife, not ceaseless girlfriends or hook-ups)
      Mathew 5:28-29 (again, words of Jesus) “You have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: But I say to you, That whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if your right eye offend you, pluck it out, and cast it from you: for it is profitable for you that one of your members should perish, and not that your whole body should be cast into hell. (note: much as The Lord only referenced adultery here, I think it goes without saying that He would have laid down even more stringent rules for unmarried people regarding the many lusts of our hearts).
      Matthew 15:19-20 (more words of Jesus) “For out of the heart come evil intentions, murder, adultery, FORNICATION, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile.” (emphasis in caps)

      Finally, I could close with all the many verses in the laws given to Moses regarding sexual immorality, but I won’t burden this comment box with them. Let me leave you with this, for all ye who argue that Grace has come to deliver us from the old testament laws – Matthew 5:17-19 “Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. 18For truly I say to you, Till heaven and earth pass, one stroke or one pronunciation mark shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. 19Whoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven…”

      If the very Word of God has to get thrown into this conversation (particularly as a defense to carnality), well then, please let us all go there and fully examine the written scriptures with complete understanding.

    • tunmi

      July 17, 2013 at 4:04 pm

      I’m not gonna make this into a sermon, but this pretty much sums it up:
      carsonclews.wordpress.com/2011/03/25/sex-does-the-bible-actually-forbid-premarital-sex/

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      July 16, 2013 at 5:15 pm

      … and I’m anticipating the defence of “I’m not religious”, which I can appreciate. I can’t force my faith & beliefs down your throat, it won’t help you or me reach any sort of productive goal. However…. the moment you pulled the bible into your statement above, you have to understand those who live by the Word of God will of necessity have to delve right in there with you and lay the scripture out just as written. Enjoy a peaceful & blessed afternoon.

    • Madam the Madam

      July 16, 2013 at 5:22 pm

      Ummm I’m not even up in my bible passages like that but I am very certain the bible discourages premarital sex. I don’t think that we should tweak the Word to suit our individual tastes. Let’s call a spade a spade. I am aware that fornication and pre-marital sex are sins so I’m definitely not gonna fool myself on that one.

    • jcsgrl

      July 16, 2013 at 6:01 pm

      My dear its fine if you don’t believe in God but don’t come hear and be yarning opata on what the bible says about fornication because you’re propelling a lie. Fornication in the bible is called pornea in greek which stems from pornography meaning to sell oneself off, promiscuity, sexual lewdness. There are several scriptures in the new testament that frown against fornication namely:
      1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel (body) in sanctification and honor, not in lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which do not know God.”
      1 Corinthians 6:13b, 18 tells us, “Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without (outside) the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body.
      Ephesians 5:1-3, 5, “Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; and walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savor. But fornication, and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not once be named among you, as becometh saints…For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.”
      He who has an ear or in this case eyes let him/her read. You can choose to believe or not. Thank God he has given us choices.

  28. Myne Whitman

    July 16, 2013 at 3:50 pm

    Good Sex can usually be found in a committed relationship where both parties communicate what they like and do not like. It is about pleasing each other mutually without fear of judgement or condemnation both from their partners or outsiders, and it doesn’t even have to be intercourse or in the bedroom, a deep look between a couple at a crowded party may be enough to release the same feelings given by good sex.

    • yoyo

      July 16, 2013 at 5:58 pm

      ‘a deep look between a couple at a crowded party may be enough to release the same feelings given by good sex’ – Hia! deep look ke? abeg o me i dont want any mills and boon stares…i need the real deal. stares ke? when no be say i dey inside movie.

  29. Rynyx

    July 16, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    @miss fab, i know that feeling. ur day just gets so gud and you cnt explain why. i wonder when we will realise that christainity is not all about religion, it s a life style that is balanced. Scriptures to explain how too much sex is a sin??????leave it, let God judge me becasue i am not about to slow down…and yes, i am happily married.

  30. funke

    July 16, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    Married as a virgin 3 years ago and sex was initially a chore but after like 6 months and a lot of communication between hubby and I, it became wonderful and I look forward to it, just just thinking about it brings a smile and warm feeling feeling which is not so so good right now because am fasting! The Quran says a man can approach his wife from from anywhere except from the anus which is why most Muslims believe oral sex is permissible in Islam and the Quran also forbids sex during menstrual flow. Sex should be enjoyed enjoyed between married couples, I really do enjoy mine

    • Ibinabo

      July 16, 2013 at 4:40 pm

      hehehe… interesting.

  31. TA

    July 16, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    Well,the bible does speak of sex and i remember it clearly saying in the bible that ‘let her own breasts excite or intoxicate you…’ at Prov 5:19! At 1 Corinthians 7:5 there is a clear injunction that husbands and wives should not deprive each other of it. This makes it obvious that sex is not for procreation alone. The proverbs text sounds like an encouragement for both partners to have fun and excitement,all within the boundaries of marriage and not outside or before marriage. As for good sex, i personally believe this varies from couple to couple. If both are happy and satisfied with only one position,good for them,if they need the 400 styles app,thats their own glass of Zobo to enjoy too 🙂

  32. Abie

    July 16, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    I commend your bringing up this topic for discussion. Good sex is relative but it must be soul-satisfying (orgasm, cartharrsis, fun, peace, balance – whatever!) for both (or more) parties. It is full communication and consent between/among them with no barriers -cultural, religious orpsychological, as long it is private to them. God made sex to be fully enjoyed by consenting parties. I believe the only restriction is PRIVACY – thats why He chose those locations for the coupling parts! Please enjoy it while you can for your endowments are not forever, ciao.

    • MeanJean

      July 16, 2013 at 8:47 pm

      Sex addiction is good. It conditions the body, mind ,and soul.

  33. Anonymous

    July 16, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    May I not come near a woman such as Miss Socially awkward…after holding sex all my life for the sake of not having premarital sex..my wife will now tell me she can not do some things (e.g suck my d£&@) it will not suck itself now…who will suck it

    Even for strong Christian men..sex is very important….so many pastors have gotten in trouble because they asked a church member to taste the lolipop…when their wives were not providing

    Please BN POST IT

    • Eve82

      July 17, 2013 at 6:49 am

      You made a valid point! However, I hope you will be willing to give as much as you will be willing to receive.

  34. TA

    July 16, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    @ Concerned_boyfriend,@ Mz Socially awkward, i totally agree with you too that moderation is important too for christians. Just because you have the license to enjoy sex as a married person does not mean you should become a sex addict. Just like the right to eat does not excuse gluttony.
    Has anyone noticed that the world has gone sex crazy? Various ads subtly employ sexism to sell… there is a sexual innuendo or undertone to almost everything.

    • MeanJean

      July 16, 2013 at 8:48 pm

      Sex addiction is good. It conditions the body, mind ,and soul.

    • Lael

      July 17, 2013 at 6:40 am

      Sex Addiction is bad!!!…Addiction alone is a disease. when you are in that shoe, you’ll know. Not to talk of sex. Before you know it, your husband/wife won’t be able to satisfy you at some point cos you would just need to get it at all cost. That, my friend is bad!!! there is a reason it’s called “addiction”

    • silas

      July 17, 2013 at 8:24 am

      many christian marriages fail!! at the last count about 50% divorce rate in Nigeria. we Christians like to fool ourselves, that is why a lotta’ christian’ people cheat on their spouses.. the word moderation only comes into play when u r not feeling your husband or otherwise!! i betcha, if u r feeling ur spouse u will want him most times. @ mz socially awkward, i disagree with you and the others on this issue. all those bible quotations , mostly, do not point out the need for moderation you are trying to buttress.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      July 17, 2013 at 6:17 pm

      The Bible quotations are not to buttress addiction, those ones were in reply to the person who said there was no mention of fornication being a sin in the bible.

  35. ij

    July 16, 2013 at 4:43 pm

    well no comment as i ain’t getting any

    • MeanJean

      July 16, 2013 at 8:50 pm

      We are in the same boat. I never even see kiss e remain sex.

    • ij

      July 17, 2013 at 9:27 am

      lol!! God will make a way where there seems to be no way

  36. Mixed race

    July 16, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    hmmmmmmm. let me state categorically that YES, THERE IS GOOD SEX AND THERE IS BAD SEX!!!!! and once you have tasted gooooood sex, its rily difficult to accept anything less o. but before you people chop me raw, i said it is difficult, not impossible. as for the “religious” people, i have just one thing to say: the bible can be quite equivocal, meaning that what is written IS ALREADY written, but the way people TRANSLATE the meanings are different. not to promote promiscuity tho, i believe that marriage has given us the liberty to explore our sexual options with our partners. as long as you both are comfortable with it, please by all means go all the way and enjoy yourselves. yes there is good sex and yes there are ways in which you can spice up your sex lives without necessarily “sinning”. sex is not only for procreation. MY OWN 2 SHILLINGS *huge grin*

  37. nich

    July 16, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    africans mention the word sex in church but that is it……..but honestly this americans love sex so much. they way most of them make love is almost unbelievable. i always feel that americans are born with sex skills. either way i believe oral sex is the breaker.

  38. holla

    July 16, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    interesting i’d say d topic is,i”m one of does ppl who find it embarrasin to talk abt sex until i got to higher institution even till naw, have learnt alot from d comments above .Looking forward to my wedding night though*winks*

  39. Mixed race

    July 16, 2013 at 5:03 pm

    also to answer the remaining questions the writer asked, how do you measure if you have had good sex? well, i believe your level of satisfaction afterwards, i mean, if you feel this unexpected feeling of happiness or u cnt explain why you are so full of giggles and good nature, then u def enjoyed your sex. the reverse is the case obviously.
    then if u and your partner are not able to get it on, i believe you should explore. there are many resources available that you can learn from and also be open to try new things as long as you are both comfy with it. if you have friends who are not all together useless and judgmental, u can talk to them to get tips. all na trial and error until u find the one dt suits you best. GBAM!!!

  40. St. ed

    July 16, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    Y’all are just treating this topic on a surface level. What is Good Sex? Good sex begins with seduction from both partners, followed by slowed foreplay-kissing, sucking, slamming d ass, squeezing, caresses……before culminating in the final act of sex…..good sex involves trying out new n adventrous moves that both partners are comfortable and willing to try out. Good sex entails passion contactly flowing…. A man will not cheat on his spouse if they are having good, sweet sex……forget dat adage that the way to a man’s heart is d stomach……NA LIE……times have changed. These days the way to a man’s heart is giving him what he will keep coming back for. Simple Great Sex

  41. Eebony

    July 16, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    *covers face*,guess most comments here are from the married ones,buh as a single lady,i have had some crazy good sex *cant stop grinning*,yea starts from chemistry and communication

  42. ???

    July 16, 2013 at 5:50 pm

    I’m a christian,I believed in God,I’m also the affirm believe that no sin surpass one another,if my moral consciousness doesn’t judge me,I’m good to go…I have one boyfriend, we started dating after my secondary sch,and we having been having sex,though I was very conservative,few years down the lane,I’m very open now,we luv ourself passionately,there is not anyone that could luv me,the way he did…we hardly see anyway,but when we did,it days of sex,sex,my man (now engage) is a superman,he can go on and on and that is a good sex for me,until I recently discovered a more amazing stuff recently,he never drink,and I force him to take sum sips,and that got to him…The thereafter effect is best to none,he hit me at the right spot,he was moaning and saying all sort of beautiful things to me,I had multiple orgasms…I will reckon that memory forever,blcas I know he will never drink again!

    • Awaiting Moderation

      July 17, 2013 at 1:38 am

      Um..ok!

    • Jesus'baby

      July 20, 2013 at 10:27 am

      Errr , the fact that your moral consciousness does not judge you doesn’t mean you are not judged o. The word of God and the Holy Spirit in you (if He is in you) judge us. We cannot have the Holy Spirit in us and do anything, anything at all contrary to His Word.
      That being said I judge you not, but if you truly believe that you’re a Christian and also truly believe that you are doing nothing wrong, premarital sex is clearly , unarguably a sin and it might be a pointer to the fact that there’s a need for relationship renewal with God.
      I’m not saying we don’t sin o , I mean, nobody is perfect, but the one thing that helps us know there’s still hope is the conviction of the Holy Spirit, there’s no way you’ll have the Holy Spirit in you as a Christian and not feel guilty, the fact that this has become pretty normal and you don’t feel any guilt means He’s not there to convict you. You should truly ask yourself this question and answer honestly , is He in you ?
      Sory for preaching , lol. :couldn’t help it. Ciao

  43. Anonymous

    July 16, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    hmmm. good sex, bad sex, all i know is that i’m having greeeaaaat sex. never a dull moment. Wide grin. Sex, like marriage should be enjoyed, not endured.

  44. bebe

    July 16, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    @joan,you just drove in and out of my mind.considering the fact that i have never commented b4 on BN,even though,a regular reader.you put it really straight. pple should not use God to defend their ignorance pls.

  45. Two's

    July 16, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    BellaNaija, u do realize children under 17 years read your articles right?…

  46. nene

    July 16, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    what openness? no, children should not be talking about sex. my child should not tell me about sex till he/she is 18 at least, then we can talk. good sex is whatever puts a smile on ur face, something you’ll probably always remember.

    • CarliforniaBawler

      July 16, 2013 at 7:12 pm

      Haaaaa!!!! Are you for real?? you are about to raise a bunch of textbook sexually abused/teen pregnancy cases!!
      Dang!! I’m in total shock!!!

    • y

      July 17, 2013 at 8:25 am

      you must be kidding me. @ I8 I was in my 3rd year in the university. are u ready to wait till then?

  47. Marylyn

    July 16, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    Trust Nigerians to turn an open discussion about sex to some kind of religious gathering. Bible quotations up and down. Shuo! Our hypocrisy is astounding.

    Back to the topic, I just me had some good sex. There are days when I just want a good hard fuck. And my boyfriend knows me so well….too well. Yup. In the Biblical sense 😉 And we’re both single by the way. And we had sex on the first date. And we’ve been together for three years. And if we break up, I’ll sleep with my next boyfriend on the first date because I CAN.

    • jcsgrl

      July 16, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      My dear I love people like you. Keep it real and keep doing you.
      However, we had to jump on the religious bandwagon when someone started misquoting bible which some of us choose to believe and live by. I’m all for talking about the topic lets discuss good sex both single and married but when you bring bible and then lie on top it, call it hypocrisy or whatever, imma jump all over it. The bible tells me to be prepared to defend my faith at any time yes even if it costs me cyber bullying or death.

    • Ngobeke

      July 16, 2013 at 8:30 pm

      Eya……..well done o

    • MeanJean

      July 16, 2013 at 8:53 pm

      LWKMD… From the name to the comment.

    • Mz Socially Awkward....

      July 16, 2013 at 9:54 pm

      Dude, speak for yourself and whatever form of hypocrisy you may currently be harbouring. The writer made some references to the Bible in her article. Some commentators made some references to the Bible in their comments. Responses were given on that basis. See how I didn’t latch your comment and start quoting scripture? That’s because it wasn’t necessary.

      So read first (properly and thoroughly), comprehend any particular thread running through from comment to subsequent replies and then opine.

      P.S. BN, I am liking how you now have a spell check feature in your comment box. Progress indeed.

    • silas

      July 17, 2013 at 8:32 am

      LMFAO!!

    • aj

      July 18, 2013 at 3:51 am

      My kinda girl!

  48. Omo

    July 16, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    Bad sex is when d guy has small dick n can’t work it , good sex is when d guy has big – n can work lol

    • IniOnline

      July 16, 2013 at 9:06 pm

      You have said it!!…………..
      inionlinenews.blogspot.co.uk

    • trouble making is not good

      July 17, 2013 at 3:34 am

      buahahahah av being looking for you @Omo you are just funny with your comment. But is the person now gonna start complaining because of that , you that’s how God created the person nau….but seriously though small what?! damn I just can’t 😀 my baby must be a baller hahahaha chai Mallam troublemaker

    • slice

      July 19, 2013 at 5:28 pm

      Lol bad sex is whena guy hs a big d- and can’t work it. Such a waste

    • U heartless

      September 1, 2013 at 11:49 pm

      U b correct gal @ omo…I pray I marry a man dt has a ghud dick size n cn mk mi orgasm n scream blue murder…Amen

  49. P

    July 16, 2013 at 8:23 pm

    Pointlesssss

    • Do something

      July 17, 2013 at 3:26 am

      Seriouslyyy!!??!? FORGET IT….I DONT BELIEVE A WORD FROM YOU EVER AGAIN. So this aint pointless. #tongueout

  50. IamAwesome

    July 16, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    Okay, so i’m a virgin but believe me i fully intend on reaping the fruits of my marriage bed. “the patient dog eats the fattest bone” I intend to reap all the rewards of that patience. I don’t know which bible says i shouldn’t enjoys the ministering of love administered to me by my hubby and vice versa, but i am very sure my christian bible isn’t what u guys are talking about. I get the keeping everything in moderation logic but as long as u don’t go overboard by doing it in public places with pple watching you i think every oda thing classifies as moderation!…

  51. bbb

    July 16, 2013 at 9:03 pm

    eewww lol, some comments are so funny. na wa ooo

    • aj

      July 18, 2013 at 4:03 am

      hahaha i know right!!! lol

  52. bbb

    July 16, 2013 at 9:11 pm

    ICANNOT lmao

  53. Chi

    July 16, 2013 at 9:39 pm

    Am married too. But i don’t enjoy sex anymore. After penetration he doesn’t last up to 5seconds(no exageration), he can’t go up to 2 rounds in a day. I love n am sure he doesn’t cheat cos work 2geda. What do i do. I have lost interest in sex.

    • Pd

      July 16, 2013 at 10:29 pm

      Chi……try n get cosmo or google how to make him last longer……forever is a long time for you to just lose intrest just like that ….ha! 2mins bawo…..i no go gree oh! If na icecubes or vanilla cream i go use to make it worthwhile i will……try n put more effort sis! Hmmmm

    • omo ibo

      July 17, 2013 at 12:40 am

      Chi gurl, nne nah wah o! Nah 2 pumps Rambo you get, but but seriously you need to find a way to have a talk with your mate. There so many options out there for ED(erectile dysfunction) , that you don’t have to suffer in silence.
      My advice though, approach the topic delicately you know how fragile the male ego especially African men.

    • Hot mama

      July 17, 2013 at 7:25 pm

      rotflmao *dead*…2 pumps Rambo…loool…which one be that again ooo!!!wetin man no go hear..chei, cant stop laughing

    • The Nigerian

      August 1, 2013 at 6:42 am

      hahahahahahahahahahahaha OMG!!! I have died!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

    • silas

      July 17, 2013 at 8:29 am

      it is called premature ejaculation. it is usually not organic, as in there is usually no underlying cause as it is mostly psychological… the first question is, did it just start, how long did he last before? you guys can visit the doctor(GP) and if there is a need you will be referred to a urologist.

    • Peaches77

      July 22, 2013 at 8:21 am

      Gii am Passion Pass Power with Ogogoro. Hehehe

  54. darksasuke

    July 16, 2013 at 10:16 pm

    Yes, there is good and bad sex. Good sex is generally when your bodies have matching mechanics/physics.Some people just go together or adapt naturally. it depends on many things- The right moisture, the right size, the right speed, and oh especially if both partners climax.
    Oral sex is important too.

    If there wasn’t magic, i’ll try talking to my partner, porn, toys, magazines and maybe talking to my doctor. If i have trustworthy friends then may be i will pick their brains on some issues but i won’t be quiet about it.

  55. Vicky

    July 16, 2013 at 11:06 pm

    Feeling horny already.

  56. omo ibo

    July 17, 2013 at 12:34 am

    Good sex is the type sex that makes your toes curl up! For those that have experienced it they know what I’m talking about walahi 😛

  57. Do something

    July 17, 2013 at 3:07 am

    What is the Definition of ‘Good Sex’?

    • Do something

      July 17, 2013 at 3:18 am

      I learnt one or two points from here…thanks commentators. 😀

  58. Tizzle

    July 17, 2013 at 3:52 am

    Where do I start from…..

    Sex was designed by God! and He created our bodies to desire it 🙂

    Now what we have mixed up are who to have sex with and when. According to the bible, it should only be between husband and wife and obviously…..after marriage.

    No restrictions (well, save porn and animal incest and the likes) but position wise…. Your body is his body, and his body yours. Enjoy it as much as you want and as often as you love to. In fact, there’s a passage in the bible that says Husbands, delight yourself in the breasts of your wife. #Shikena.

  59. Call me anonymous

    July 17, 2013 at 5:54 am

    Let me quote an old definition of love first…’ love is a feeling you feel when you feel a feeling that you have never felt before!’ Now, what is good sex? Well, for me, sex is…..the above definition of love played out physically, personally! Find out more on etumekama.blogspot.com

  60. Eve82

    July 17, 2013 at 6:40 am

    In my opinion, before we can get to good sex, there has to be physical attraction, and great chemistry…then we can get to good sex. I believe in having sex in the confines of a committed monogamous relationship (marriage). At the end of the day, you can only do what makes you comfortable. Good sex for me is pleasuring my partner. I have come to realize that a few men would like to take advantage of this, but the real ones will always strive to give you as much pleasure and satisfaction as they have received.

    On the issue of oral sex, if you are willing to receive, you better be ready to give. Anything short of that is being selfish. I can say that I am willing to give most ‘new ideas’ in the bedroom a trial, and then I’ll let you know if this works for me or not. However, my deal breakers will be 3-some/orgies, swinging, or anal…No no!

    There is absolutely nothing wrong in enjoying sex, and people should not feel guilty about it if it is done in the confines of a committed relationship. A lot of marriages have packed up bc of this issue. To an extent, I had sex discussions with my mum, but it was a little bit uncomfortable then. I rmb when she was telling me about protecting myself and all…I was like mum I’m not even having sex, and intend to stay that way for now. I will like to do the same with my children whenever I have them. I sincerely hope they will be able to come to me bc I know I will give them better information than whatever they will pick from the outside environment.

    • Jesus'baby

      July 20, 2013 at 10:07 am

      You have spoken my mind. I believe in the bedroom , between a husband and wife , theee are absolutely no limits. I personally draw the line at 3somes and anal/anilingus but everything else is fairplay o. And I totally intend to be freaky in bed, in fact I shall have a stripper pole in my bedroom and mirrors on the ceiling (maybe). I’m fully prepared fro this thing abeg , I’m an excellent masseuse and very flexible yogi;). I fully intend to get a man that can match up with me in bed o , because God knows I haven’t waited this long for nothing.

  61. zn

    July 17, 2013 at 8:31 am

    Personally, i think sex is best during ovulation….its not forced n no one works too hard. u can never miss your target,,,,,au natural!!!
    meanwhile, @ Kome n BN; u’ve got pple talking and using bad words too…..hope u r happy?

  62. ChiboyChuks

    July 17, 2013 at 9:12 am

    And you are still bearing ‘Miss Fab’… 9ja women na wa for una O

  63. JOHNNY BRAVO

    July 17, 2013 at 9:24 am

    HMMM, GOOD SEX IS RELATIVE, SOME PEOPLE LIKE IT FAST ,SOME LIKE IT SLOW ,SOME LIKE IT KINKY ALL NIGHT LONG. LOL, I GUESS SEX SHOULD BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES AND GUYS SHOULD ALWAYS ENDEVOUR TO PLEASURE THEIR WOMEN . EXPERIMENTATION OF DIFFERENT POSITIONS IS GOOD COS IT LETS YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR BOTH PARTIES.

  64. Babe

    July 17, 2013 at 9:31 am

    Sex is not something you can calculate, its more. your body demands it anytime. so when you begin to calculate when? how? to do it, you are missing out.
    sex is best enjoyed with some one you have sexual connections with, just relax and explore.
    its only people who are not attracted to their partners that feel its a routine. just open up your mind and enjoy it for real.

  65. xoxo

    July 17, 2013 at 9:48 am

    Good sex happens when you let loose your animal instincts…..There is no guidelines or how to have good sex.

    Let your self go and think about pleasuring your partner and your self….Good sex will make them keep coming back..

  66. ANNE

    July 17, 2013 at 10:26 am

    i recommend Tim lahye’s Act Of Marriage it spells what good sex is.

  67. dma

    July 17, 2013 at 11:28 am

    woooooosssssshhhh!!!! I don’t get it and I will never get it why is it that Africans don’t like talking about sex and yet they want to get married and have kids????? In some case 2,3,4 wives and endless number of kids???? I don’t know about anybody but me sex has to be good and if its not good between u and u boo work on it even it means doing it in a super market car park in broad day light or on the beach – try it I recommend it talking from experience……wetin

  68. Godfreak

    July 17, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    hmm

  69. Godfreak

    July 17, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    But realy, good sex is sweet and enjoyable, I ejoy mine with my hubby and even the few days I dont cum/orgasm, I enjoy every bit of the body contacts,body movements, cuddling, kisses…. and he sure knws how to finger me to cum d times wen he cums before me…whoo, I love that man*big grin*thats good sex to me. I however will not support sex before marriage, it is wrong bibilicaly and Im a bible believing christain.

  70. Baby for real

    July 17, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    Good sex is when u feel what u Neva felt before . I enjoy mine a great deal . I don’t play with my oral sex. That’s to me the icing on the cake. I easily cum with oral sex.

  71. Omo

    July 17, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    Hahahahahahahahaha… Lmao!!!!! Na wa, comments r so funny… This is an interesting topic though. SEX IS GOOD!

  72. aj

    July 18, 2013 at 4:09 am

    Every body is just beating about the bush. you guys are meant to be describing your sexual experiences that were good. Stop quoting bible here… this is not a religious discussion!

  73. Saving sexformarriage

    July 18, 2013 at 5:42 am

    After reading all these comments, i must say am so looking forward to my wedding night…Although i am not sure about the oral sex thingy…Gez! i cant imagine having a man’s d- in my mouth….The same d- he uses to pee???? and before you crucify me, i dnt expect him to give me a “head” too…Anything part from stroking,cuddling and caressing his d-. Mba i no dey do .

  74. Shumbakadzi

    July 18, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    The dry well one is a nasty experience………

  75. Shumbakadzi

    July 18, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    I think both good and bad experiences should be mentioned, so that bad ones will not be repeated!!!

  76. Amirah

    July 19, 2013 at 12:09 am

    I”m so tired of people saying Africans, Nigerians dont talk about sex. We do, done differently which is totally fine bcos it shouldnt be talked about anyhow. I dont agree with the way the western world talk about it, it should ne private, personal and sacred. Sex, is one of those natural things that you learn along the way. I love the process of my hubby and I learning to please each other. And, i have to say good sex to me is when you both learn what each other spot and go for it.
    My hubby and I agreed that sodomy/anal sex is smth we will not do. All the other positions is smth we can enjoy and have fun.

  77. cindy

    July 19, 2013 at 9:26 am

    My husband gives me 1000 thrust each sex round. after every sexual session between us my privates is always sore, its two years of marriage and his sexual energy is abnormal, he doesnt cheat or anything so he channels his energy towards me. we have sex at least 4 times a week for the past 2 years.the worst is when he is just back from a 4 days or 1 week seminar, i will be forced to take a 2day leave which ends up in me having sore thighs for days. my private is like masshy sharwama now coz my husband is on the big side. my fellow women abeg am tired, i have a kid and am 3 monhs gone but still he has not spared me 1 bit. he is actually a good husband, loving and caring , our marriage is blizz but i think we have to much sex.he doesnt believe in adultery and i dont think i can continue at this rate coz am starting to look like a 45 yearold woman at 26. plsss help

    • slice

      July 19, 2013 at 3:34 pm

      4 times a week is not a lot. maybe try some lube to lubricate your v a little more and encourage him to thrust a lil gentler and slower sometimes

    • jinkelele

      July 19, 2013 at 7:44 pm

      CHOI! sorry oh. does he realise he’s hurting you or mistakes ur screams for ecstasy

    • Concerned Sister

      July 30, 2013 at 6:45 pm

      Hmmm….Cindy maybe you should give him some valium tablets in his food or drink…it will help slow him down a bit.

  78. DontAsk

    July 19, 2013 at 3:11 pm

    What I have to say is directed to the ‘friend in church’ and people of like minds. The fact that some people misquote or misunderstand the Bible doesn’t mean they should force other people along.
    How can you say enjoying sex is a sin. The Bible might not categorically say ‘enjoy it’ but the fact that it feels good means God wants you to enjoy it. I won’t have issues if you go against premarital sex but saying sex within the confines of marriage is not meant to be enjoyed is just a no-no.
    No wonder some married women who have been having sex for donkey years have never had an orgasm.
    My take: God want’s you to enjoy sex with your spouse. Men and women sometimes cheat because their partners have been doing thesame style since they got married 25 years ago. There are too many people in the world willing to satisfy your partner. If they fall into sin because you were forming holy, its so on you!
    Let’s not neglect what’s necessary and important in the name of being religious fanatics.
    *drops mic*
    @cindy, have you talked to him about it? He might not know the extent of the hurt you feel except you express it.

  79. j

    July 19, 2013 at 11:35 pm

    ‘ Good Sex ‘ can simply be defined as having sex/making love/getting laid or *ucked with the right person i.e some atom of attraction or feeling or chemistry must be oozing from both of you. The good sex is usually termed Good when this occurs between two people as described above and usually a complete package. Complete package as in fore play -kissing, licking, tickling lol, sucking, fingering hmm, then love making and this shouldn’t be just one round that’s if they aren’t exhausted but once can still do the magic, if properly done.
    Good Sex can be some gentle rhythmic and slow movement at first, thrusting gently and then maybe going hard. There are days when you just want or need a good hard fuck. Good Sex can come with different positions and style of making out, experimenting all the way.

  80. j

    July 20, 2013 at 12:01 am

    Most importantly in a monogamous marriage/relationship that is when you have the real good sex with no limitations. STDs and the likes are real, so safe sex is better and wiser. so therefore have your at least minimum of 6months or there about check up and healthy living and diet. I practice and preach that to my family and friends. ;D
    ps: ‘Good sex’ is simply good no other name for it except maybe ‘Excellent sex’. 😉

  81. favoured girl

    July 21, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    What’s all this about not having too much sex and the bible saying this and that. Please I do not agree. I’m married and my Husband and I have been known to have sex up to ten times a day and I’m sure the angels rejoice with us everytime. Waited my whole life now I’m married and ppl still expect you to abide to one rule or the other…… Na!!! I own his body and can use it whenever I want.

  82. Amirah

    July 21, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    [email protected] favoured girl
    Ten times a day? Abi, u meant ten times a week. How? When? Where? Ok, no offense but thats a lot in a day. U guys dont have other things like work, school or just other fun things to do as a couple. Or u guys do it in random places. Theres no limitation to how many times u can make love with your husband but I also believe in other intimate nice things to do to keep the love hot.

    Life is truly interesting. One woman complaining about four times a week, another says 10times a day is nothing.

    • favoured girl

      July 25, 2013 at 5:49 pm

      Loool it was while on honeymoon now it’s reduced haha

  83. ama williams

    July 23, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    Oral sex isn’t a sin if u’re married. Once ure married, ANYTHING goes! Only d couple’s decision matters. Evrytn is allowed on d matrimonial bed.. depends on d couple

  84. maria

    July 24, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    ok after this comment some people can call me names or say things that are disrespectful but guess what i do not care. ok now lets talk sex, i talk about sex a lot i ask questions, i answer questions, i discuss, i explain and all that. common people you only leave once YOLO if you enjoy life well enough once is enough. if God is against sex trust me he wont create penis and virginal as the Christians say. if sex was not to be enjoyed it would have been painful so we will only want to do it when you want to have a child for example childbirth is very painful that is why most women have few children if childbirth was as easy as sex some one like my mother will have a kid everyday so let go back to sex according to me, my own opinion abt it you can judge me i don’t care sex
    1. i am not against premarital sex as long as it is with one person you love and you guys are going steady which means boyfriend and girlfriend serious relationship you know what i mean. if you are hoping around like a dog opening those legs for who care to enter or sticking your junk in any open legs then i have a problem whit that
    2. SEX should be enjoyed that is why it feels good, if it feels good enjoy it don’t feel guilty cos you enjoy sex, orgasm as much as you can and if both party can take it go as much rounds as you can and don’t listen to who ever judge you cos they are jealous they want it they are only pretending.
    i live with my boyfriend, yes i know we don’t do that in Nigeria but sorry we do that here in the USA, why live separately when you can live together and spare unnecessary expenses. i have sex with my man wen ever and wherever not in public though but in the comfort of how house and i am not guilty or ashamed of anything i will gladly talk sex with my future children, when you are of age and you have a good man do it but protect yourself why will i say don’t do it i dey craze do it just be careful prevent pregnancy when you know you do not want it and protect yourself so all those sex is for giving birth is rubbish i am atheist so i am not talking from a religious pespectives

    • maria

      July 24, 2013 at 6:43 pm

      and for oral sex if you can do it go ahead with it it is my mouth and it is my vagina i can do what ever with it

  85. smilingB

    July 31, 2013 at 2:21 am

    yey!…..me i love good sex oooo….as a matter of facts, i cant end up wid a man that’s not gud enough when it comes making your woman okay…..and i discuss sex matter with, for God sake his all ‘ve got

  86. creamy

    July 31, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    Article: interesting
    Comments: HILLARIOUS LWTMB :))

  87. Crysz

    August 8, 2013 at 5:33 pm

    Hmmm..nw m alll spoilt…#hehehe#

  88. Adekunle OluwaKunzy Adedokun

    September 25, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    for me ooo, nothing is bad about any position you so wish to go as far as both of u are in courtship

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