The Race To the Altar! Big Sister or Little Sister?

Marriage and relationships would forever remain a hot topic for discussion amongst ladies – single and married…and my clique is no exception.
While watching one of our favourite Gabrielle Union movies – Deliver us from Eva, Ejiro called out in her thick Waffi accent “Na God just save this Eva girl say no be my Maale pikin. Body for tell am. Shooooooo! She dey, all her sisters marry, she come dey form Voltron dey control their marriage? She for hear am! Wetin she dey do wey all her sisters marry, she go explain for Powerpoint give Maale.
Eva (Gabrielle Union) and her younger sisters Kareenah (Essence Atkins), Bethany (Robinne Lee), and Jacqui (Meagan Good) lost their parents when they were young and pretty much had to take care of themselves. Eventually, they all got married except Eva. Eva was bossy and a perfectionist. She immersed herself in her job and controlled her sisters’ marriages which of course caused a high level of tension between her and her sisters’ significant others.

If Eva’s mom was alive & African or even Montana’s Mom in Baggage Claim, would she have had it easy? How exactly would she have survived 3 wedding ceremonies with family, friends and relatives who aren’t suffering from amnesia? Wouldn’t she have been told the story of her life, 3 times over?

Our friend’s rather hilarious but valid statement got me thinking about all the drama that could occur if and when a younger sibling decides to get married before the older one.
It’s bad enough that your friends and age mates are getting married. Add a younger sib to the mix and you’d literally wish death upon yourself. I mean, while you were still flipping through the menu, babe already ordered her entrée. What exactly are you still living for?

I know of a lady whose younger sister got married before her. The age difference between both ladies was a lot; her younger sis calls her ‘Sister mi’. Sister mi had to take time off work (2 months leave). No, not to prepare for her beloved sister’s wedding but to elope to an undisclosed destination only to return long after her sister’s D-day. She even secretly prayed that the couple never make it back from their honeymoon. Ok…I agree that should go down in the Guinness Book of Records as the ‘most vicious thought’ ever.

Is it ever that serious? Maybe it isn’t. Maybe there are ladies out there who really can’t be bothered with who’s getting the rock first. Maybe they could be sincerely happy when a younger sibling is a step closer to being a ‘Missis’. Maybe they don’t even mind being called up to be the maid of honour. Maybe they’re down with receiving a ‘skipping-over’ gift from a younger sib. Maybe it’s not that bad.
Some argue that the act of a younger sibling getting married before the older one somehow weakens the sibling bond. It subtly fosters sibling rivalry and oftentimes creates enmity between the older sib and the mother thereby disrupting peace and harmony within the family. I’m pretty sure there are more cogent arguments against this act than in its’ favour.
But please indulge me…If you are the older one, would you be comfortable if your kid sib got married before you? Is there an unspoken rule in your house that demands everyone waits for his/her ‘turn’…no ‘skipping-over’?

Speaking of ‘skipping-over’, in some cultures, the younger one is expected to give her older sibling a ‘skipping-over gift’. This is to show that the younger sibling has the older’s blessings and the older sibling is sincerely happy with the whole arrangement. Would you collect a ‘skipping-over’ gift from your younger sibling? With your momma alive and around, be honest, would you?

Would you indeed give your blessings or would you feel like a bad loser and perhaps date the next available suitor even if the dude is a Tyrion Lannister look & brain-alike, in a bid to save face?

I’m speaking from the point of view of a woman but does it matter to guys as well? Is this something that is solely a feminine thing? Or do guys get to an age – 41 perhaps – where all their baby brothers have bitten the bullet and it’s a question of ‘what are you waiting for bros?

Photo Credit:
MzChizzy is the writer behind She thinks for a living. She can simultaneously be the nicest and meanest person you’d ever meet. She loves fufu more than life itself and hates taking pictures with a passion. Follow her on Twitter @Mzz_Chizzy ‘cos you won’t find her on Instagram.

127 Comments on The Race To the Altar! Big Sister or Little Sister?
  • Audrey November 14, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    Before I read it,I want to give the writer thumbs up! Just for choosing this topic. Its one very common phenomenon but writers rarely touch on it. ok,,, willl be back to comment.

  • jcsgrl November 14, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    I loove my sisters and my younger got married before me and we all partied and celebrated with her. If God decides to use a sib to open door for marriage, why should I be upset? The blessing is for us all!

  • St. ed November 14, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    Who cares? People just add too much pressure and stressors upon themselves when they focus on little issues like this. The fact that the younger sibling is getting married shouldn’t make the older sibling feel bad. Unfortunately, the society we all live in gears our minds towards that. I believe focusing on being happy is the best thing.
    Parents should not pressure their daughters as well as that leads to the wrong choice of a life partner most of the time.
    Anyway, I am a guy….I may not know a quarter of what’s going on in a lady’s mind……

  • Nini November 14, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    Hmmn, nice topic! Personally I don’t see anything wrong in the younger sis getting married first if she’s ready,even though it doesn’t go well with most cultures(Leah and Rachael in the Bible). I know of a friend who had to wait for her elder sis to get married before doing her’s 2months later.Her sis had a baby a month before she had her’s, it’s more like a competition which I feel isn’t necessary.

  • nana November 14, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    It’s happened to me already. Ma sis after me got married more than a yr ago and I’m still searching. No one made a comment about the obvious situation at hand but at the wedding, the look on some people’s faces read like;
    ” 1. U shouldn’t ‘ve allowed this to happen.
    2. Don’t worry ur time ll come.
    3. I pity u
    and an uncle actually ordered me to present ma husband -to-be to him in 3 months time.
    Sometimes been an African can be pressuring

    • Mz Socially Awkward… November 14, 2013 at 3:31 pm

      So that your uncle… I don’t want to offend so make I just hold my mouth… he gets a mighty “MTTCHEEEEWWWW!!!!!!!!!!” though, no vex.

    • chichi November 14, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      no nana, not african oh. we dont do that in liberia.

    • haba! November 15, 2013 at 11:30 am

      hmmm, na wa for your uncle; not just nice ffrom him, i just hope he was joking; if not, he should tell you where huabands are sold so you can purchase one…. kilode!

    • Esther November 15, 2013 at 6:51 pm

      The funny thing is, sometimes your mum doesn’t bug you, it’s all the aunties and her friends saying to you at every wedding: you will be next IJN, and advising you not to be too choosy and how you can polish the guy, how to pray with one eye one eye open in your campus fellowship…. I could go on and on. Mtschew…. As if they’d be there if you let yourself get pressured into making the wrong decision.

      • Sisi November 18, 2013 at 3:59 pm

        lmao o gosh, they are terrible. As if you talking merely of what shoe you wil wear tomorrow

    • Ogechi July 24, 2014 at 2:17 pm

      Fot what na? I give as good as I get meen! don’t let anyone rush you into the wrong relationship! I tire for bad bele people sha!

  • Hurpeyeahmie November 14, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    this is a serious issue in families i just pray my siblings don’t get married before me cos the talk no go finish and one thing parents fail to know is that its better to lovingly counsel so that she won’t marry wrongly or commit suicide MZCHIZZY tanks for bringing this up

  • Joan85 November 14, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    This is a serious issue o. Even for guys, some cultures can restrict you. I met a guy once who told me that he can’t get married until his immediate older sister gets married. No joke, no matter how well the relationship goes, he just is not allowed to marry before her.

  • Nana November 14, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    I’m the youngest in my family and at 40 I’m not married!!! Yikes!!! All my much younger cousins that I used to babysit are married with kids. I think about it all the time and it’s extremely hard, but it’s not as bad as it could be because I don’t live in Nigeria and avoid interacting with my family members and Nigerians generally to avoiding their “wounding” words, so I can keep my sanity. Nigerians generally have an unhealthy pre-occupation with marriage. I have watched many ladies practically marry monsters or the wrong people just to be married and save face and many men take full advantage of that. I have seen many ladies who were happy single become very unhappily married because they married the wrong person. I can’t do that because while I was growing up, bad marriages were all around me and I know how it can destroy and derail a person’s life. At this point I believe that if it is God’s will that I marry, then like other things he has done for me, he will do that for me too and if it is not, I’ll still keep on living…

    • Don Draper of Mad Men November 14, 2013 at 3:52 pm

      True that!. we are so obsessed with marriage as a people. It is sickening.

      My younger sis got married before me and i got a lot of “ti ena a de”(your own too will come) at the wedding. *rolls eyes*. do you really have to say that?

    • Don Draper of Mad Men November 14, 2013 at 3:53 pm

      True that!. we are so obsessed with marriage as a people. It is sickening.

      My younger sis got married before me and i got a lot of “ti ena a de”(your own too will come) at the wedding. *rolls eyes*. do you really have to say that?

    • chichi November 14, 2013 at 4:20 pm

      you are sooooo right!

    • ao November 16, 2013 at 3:48 am

      “An unhealthy preoccupation with marriage”…you could not have said it better. That is the problem and not a younger one marrying before an older one. On another note, Nigerian women should not limit their options to Nigerian men.

  • Mz Socially Awkward… November 14, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    Gave my sister my blessing a looooong time ago to go ahead and get hitched if the right suitor comes knocking (chicken-licken, if you’re reading, no dulling oh! No dey wait me, just shine your eye…) If that’s how it goes down, my prayer is to have gathered up my pounds “wella” because that’s my baby sister right there and the celebrations will be epic …

    • Owgee November 14, 2013 at 9:26 pm

      Can you be my elder sister, pleeeease?! LoL

    • Person November 14, 2013 at 10:09 pm

      Same here!!! Me, na dollars I dey gather. Told my baby-sis, marry if you want to! DON’T wait for me. I will dance and do aso-ebi sef.

    • Idak November 15, 2013 at 12:44 pm

      As always, i love your spirit. My prayer is that your own
      will never pass you.

    • browneyedgirl November 26, 2013 at 11:12 pm

      You’re the best big-sis a girl could wish for, honestly. Hope you lil’ sis knows that.

  • jinkelele November 14, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    Been ther and done that, I wasn’t jealous though my aunties presumed I would be probably because they were.

    But it pinches just a tad when younger cousins get hitched but after their weddings na dem go say sista no rush oh! And I laugh in spanish ‘to each his race in his lane’

  • November 14, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    That’s not a big deal at all.

  • mii November 14, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    LOL @ the look on some people’s faces read like;
    ” 1. U shouldn’t ‘ve allowed this to happen.
    2. Don’t worry ur time ll come.
    3. I pity u
    and an uncle actually ordered me to present ma husband -to-be to him in 3 months time.
    but its really disheartening in a society such as ours, in my own case am d only girl wif 4 brothers nd there isnt any pressure frm any sis, but dere is frm my brothers smh…i just think focusing on wat really matters nd u being ready in every aspect is cool for me…nd i guess my parents understand this…

  • eki November 14, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    My younger sis got married before us all because she was the last born. l prepared the entire wedding for her since she was in Lagos working, l was happy for her. During the wedding the prayers everyone was praying for me just because of the way l took it like me. Two years down the line am married. Jealousy doesn’t …if is by death would we wish to go first…lets be grateful even for living; where there is life there is hope.

  • Meet9jasinglesHERE November 14, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    It’s kind of frustrating though, bt it shouldn’t make u angry or keep enemity with ur younger married sibblings.

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian November 14, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    Mz Socially Awkward, you just hit the BOMB! The
    celebrations on be for here o. Although mine would be with Naira
    signs sha. Shallat to sis of life Larus de Bay!

  • Amaka November 14, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    My cousin’s two younger sisters married before her. She got
    married at 32 after passing through hell in the hands of family
    members. My best friend would have gotten married January this year
    but her parents did not allow her because her elder sister was not
    married. Thankfully, my friend’s elder sister would be having her
    engagement ceremony this sunday so bestie will now have her wedding
    January 2014. This is a very common phenomenon in our society and
    it just about breaks my heart when I see how people, friends and
    family members treat ladies whose younger siblings are married
    while they are not. We just need to get over this “marriage”
    mentality. Getting married is not written in every woman’s destiny.
    If it happens to older or younger first, then fine. It is not a
    competition and it is not by who dem first born.

  • Wooooo November 14, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    Is t a competition?

  • Gorgeous November 14, 2013 at 4:05 pm

    People really make their lives complicated. Not a big deal at all. Like who cares???

    • nene November 14, 2013 at 7:51 pm

      exactly. if you are happy being single or married that’s all that matters. some cultures don’t allow it, but whatever.

  • whocares November 14, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    loool. if my mom declares that my siblings cant get married
    before I do, I feel sorry for her. I don’t think its a big deal,
    but from the comments above it seems like people take this getting
    married before your older sibling issue really serious. some people
    are late bloomers eg me, and it would be unfair to make a younger
    sibling who found someone he/ she wants to be with wait for the
    older one. it would be equally ridiculous for the older sibling to
    be jealous. ori yato sori. As for the hard-core family members that
    wont mind their business? ladle out harsh words on one hand, and a
    laugh on the other to smoothen things.. diplomacy, diplomacy,

  • Yinka November 14, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    couple of years ago, i was introduced to a guy in Nigeria
    right after my graduation by my aunt . After talking to him for
    like a month I was told to hurry up o, because the dude’s younger
    brother was planning to get married by the end of the year….and
    that wasn’t proper. I think our culture puts too much pressure on
    unnecessary things.

  • ogeAdiro November 14, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    Tyrion Lannister has “got” the brain of a King. I don’t think guys care that much about their younger siblings getting married before them. With guys, the “when are you getting married?” starts to happen when financial stability is evident. Personally, you won’t catch any flack from my momsi because of no/late marriage. Mommy mu di ok.

    • not the girl you know November 17, 2013 at 8:50 am

      Thank you for coming to Tyrion Lannister’s defence. In my
      opinion, he is the mastermind in Game of thrones

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian November 14, 2013 at 4:18 pm

    The concept of marriage, the idea of getting married has always perplexed me with the sort of attention it gathers. I am actually surprised when at friends weddings, their Moms go: “We shall come for your own soon.”, and I look absolutely at sea until I get that they are inviting themselves to my wedding, one that I am not even considering.

    I have a very lackadaisical attitude towards getting married. I have never ooohhed over a wedding gown until my friends wedding 3 weeks ago (hi Bols) and my excuse is that is looked absolutely divine, or thought of themes or wedding colors or such like. But it is not for this reason I do not mind my younger sisters getting married before me. I simply refuse to be a deterrent to anyone’s happiness. My sisters know I am simply way too secure in my madness to have the thought even cross their minds that I would object to their getting married before me. I joyfully welcome The Man who comes to ask for their hands (Doctor, we are waiting o!).

    • lorenz November 15, 2013 at 5:39 pm

      Choi! I love u already, but i’m not a doctor.

  • natty November 14, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    Honestly, I won’t be extremely happy about it but I won’t be jealous either. I would rather take my time and make the right choice when it comes to a husband, than to rush to marry because my younger ones are getting married and make a wrong choice.

  • Berry Dakara November 14, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    My younger sister got married before me, and I was surprised when a friend asked if I was feeling okay, whether I was resentful or had any jealousy towards her! I was confused because I didn’t know what he was going on about, and then he says, “You know now… your younger sister is getting married before you.” Soooooooooooooo what?! She had been with her bf for 4 years at that point, and no marriage anywhere in sight for me, and then I should start feeling jealous and stuff because wetin happen?


    It happened to my cousins though. The younger one had been with her boyfriend for 8 years, and her father demanded that she wait until her older sister marry first.

  • NaijaPikin November 14, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    Happened in my fam and I nobody gave 2 thoughts to it.

    My friend’s younger sis is about to get married and my friend is a bridesmaid (noone gives a rat)

    My sisters friend was MOH at her younger sisters wedding.

    Not sure where pple go into depression cos their younger one is married, but its definitely no where around me, my fam or my friends.

  • Annie November 14, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    My younger sib is married, almost 5yrs already and i am still single, infact i was the one she spoke with before she agreed to go ahead, said she wanted to wait for us her older sibs and i told her it doesn’t work that way, i told her we are different and have our paths to walk, if she had said no to her hubby and wait, she would still be waiting, i no dey for wahala, i am happy with her, i even spend lots of weekends there, she is 4yrs younger than moi and i am not dead yet :), life na jeje and na turn by turn, i came before her doesn’t mean i would get married first….

  • Aderonke November 14, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    Nice topic. I will definitely give my blessings . I have already given alot, time, money and prayers to my younger ones & cousins who got married and some are even way over getting married the stage now na birthday parties for their sons or daughters. So no hard feelings cos we all have our “God’s time”. The race is not for the swift, nor the battle for the strong but time and chance that happens to them all. So is better to rejoice with those rejoicing or unless u will either age faster or increase ur BP!

  • November 14, 2013 at 5:07 pm

    ok i dont pray that my younger sis gets hitched before me though cos am not sure i will be able to stand d pressure, she always jokes around with it. but if it is the will of God i could never be jealous of her and i could never hate her. i love both my kid sis lyk life itself. its just that family pressure is crazy.

  • That African Chic November 14, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    Wait but Tyrion Lannister is a geinous. I could never get bored listening to him. And of all the Lannisters he’s the only one with ‘honor’…. I don’t understand the context in which the writer used him. Forget his physical appearance he’s got a mind. Did I mention he’s the wittiest person ever too?

    • That African Chic November 14, 2013 at 5:21 pm

      He’s got a beautiful mind

    • MzChizzy November 14, 2013 at 6:08 pm

      iAbsolutely love Tyrion Lannister! I’m his biggest fan really…my point was…would you marry a guy as intelligent as Tyrion inspite of his looks just ‘cos you wanna save face? 🙂

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian November 14, 2013 at 5:24 pm, your honesty is very refreshing. Family pressures are legendary.

  • Miss Kiki November 14, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    A topic d society would rather not talk about. my‎​ prayer everyday is that ♍Ɣ‎​ sisters both elder and younger get married so that there will be no attention towards ♍Ɣ‎​ getting married. Don’t get me wrong I too will like to get married someday but its not a do or die affair. Its not something I will do because others are doing. There is more to lfe than getting married. Its the society we find ourselves in with unecessary pressures. People want to gather celebrate eat , drink, dance, etc. They don’t care what happens after the celebration is over.

  • QueenBee November 14, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    bella naija, there should be a like button, @Mz Socially Awkward… u nailed it…sounded so much like what my elder sis would say. It really doesn’t matter so long as everyone is happy

  • Nomy November 14, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    And this is one feeling I will never know! #onlygirlinthefamilyandthelastborn!

  • Fabulicious November 14, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    As much as we are taking it lightly, my roommate back then missed 4suitors because her parents had clearly refused to accept the fact that she was going to get married before the two elder sisters and this “ugly Cinderella elder sisters”clearly felt their parents were right and kept on saying”Ukachi,where are you rushing too”Fast forward 5years later,she meets another suitor again on her way back from airport and my Bella naija friends, she finally stood her ground and got married 9th of February this year after threatening to elope.From February till now,the two elder sisters have all found suitors and one will be wedding in December.Some parents don’t know that some of their children are open doors for others(-Mrs)forgive me for telling this story.I just had to share.

  • Mitchell November 14, 2013 at 7:49 pm

    My younger sister by a year should be getting married sometime next year and I am excited to plan her wedding even I’ve never planned a wedding b4. I don’t feel an iota of jealousy. Infact I’m happy my mum’s attention is on her for this marriage thing. I sooo want to to take my time. If care is not taken my 2nd sister will get married before me. And I won’t care. I’ll be happy for her. Seriously I don’t see the big deal. The custom in my place is for my sister to give me a live chiken to seek mission to get married b4 me. I’ve told her that she better make it frozen chicken cos me I’m not ready to handle any struggling, quacking thing. Lol! Meanwhile I am amusing myself with imagining what people will say at my sister’s wedding next year. Though there probably won’t be much talk. Most of my aunties n cousins r unmarried. So it’ll more likely be a huge sigh of relief that SOMEONE is getting married, rather than quibbling over who is getting married first

  • frances November 14, 2013 at 8:50 pm

    It truly,really,sincerely shouldn’t matter.
    Nigerians just emphasize on a lot of things that should be outdated.they’ll rather hold up the younger one instead of her to get married b4 d older one? That’s silly.
    I’ll definitely feel somehow cuz pple’s words can get to u,but who cares really? I’ll not be an obstacle 2my sis’s joy,if naso e be,so be it,thrz a wedding to plan in the family either ways!
    A celebration to be made so let’s go there!

  • Blessmyheart November 14, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    My own issue wasn’t even marriage bcos my elder sister got married way before I was even considering marriage. My sister finished secondary school a year ahead of me but didn’t pass JAMB at the time so we wrote the next JAMB together with my elder brother sef. We all passed but didn’t meet the cut-off so we needed some ‘working’. meanwhile, my elder sister and brother gained admission to a polytechnic while I didn’t even attempt ‘Poly-JAMB’ at all. So my dad was able to ‘work’ admission for just me and then my Mum said Dada should have ensured my sister gained admission first. As if that wasn’t hurtful enough, my sister and I were supposed to go for service at the same time but my school delayed for about 6months. My sister actually told me she was glad about the delay bcos she wanted to serve before me.
    Life is a race but each person have their own milestones, it’s not a competition.

  • Kosta November 14, 2013 at 9:17 pm

    I think this boils down to immediate family culture than big-picture culture.

    My immediate and extended family are very liberal i.e. multi-religious, multi-tribal and multi-racial. Basically, get in where you fit in, with who you fit in and when you fit in.

    Many of my cousins have gotten married in random order and I myself got married 3.5yrs before my sister who is 5yrs older, and no one made any noise about it.

    Personally, I think such a mentality is very backwards. But to each their own.

  • Owgee November 14, 2013 at 9:29 pm

    Can you be my elder sister, pleeeease?! LoL

  • Africhic November 14, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    My younger sister and brother are married, i am much older than both of them. I dont even think they had me in mind when they were getting married, i have no ill will towards them. I love my nieces and nephews.

  • Jane November 15, 2013 at 8:23 am

    I hope my snr sis gets married b4 me o 2 avoid d awkwardness, not dt she’l hate if t whr d oda way arnd …but I jux wna play that younger sister role helpn sis out wt d weddn

  • sade A November 15, 2013 at 9:39 am

    sipping Zobo* So who gets married first is a serious issue like this??? nawa oh

  • Ymc November 15, 2013 at 9:51 am

    Great Topic! My sister(who is seven years younger) recently got engaged. I’m not even in a relationship, talk less of being engaged, but I am really happy for her. In the meantime, my mother will keep herself busy planning the wedding and stop asking me if any man has approached me lately! Some of my friends who heard about the engagement felt awkward discussing the issue with me. I had to convince them that I was okay with it and I was not going to commit suicide! Lol! The truth is that there are certain things in life that you cannot make happen solely by your efforts. Getting married is one of those things. It’ll happen when it’ll happen. God makes all things beautiful in his time.

    • Ibi November 23, 2013 at 8:43 pm

      I love your spirit. The best comment I’ve read reeking of so much sincerity. God will definitely make yours beautiful in His time. Shalom

  • temmy November 15, 2013 at 9:54 am

    @africanchic,nice comment..

  • mia November 15, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Abeg, them no dey catch late comer jor, whoever marries
    first, we bless God. life generally has a way of leveling thing

    • ANNE November 15, 2013 at 2:18 pm


    • Pretty November 28, 2013 at 2:00 pm

      True talk mia, i entered the university before my elder ones, served before them,got very good jobs before them and things moved very fast for me that i even thought i will get married before but like u said life generally has a way of leveling thing. my elder bro got married before me,my elder sis preparing for hers and i am sure i will come after.

  • Colour Purple November 15, 2013 at 11:30 am

    I’m getting married before my big sis and she is giving me too much support, whenever anybody asks me when she’s getting married you can be sure I

  • Colour Purple November 15, 2013 at 11:30 am

    give them a reply to make sure they never ask me again…hehehehe!

  • Oama November 15, 2013 at 11:35 am

    Very Interesting Topic, Let me add my piece. I took 4 years
    from my younger sis, she got married last year and at dat time i
    wasnt even seeing anyone yet, but i was truely happy for her, my
    mind was at peace, i planned her day, fasted and prayed with her
    concerning the day, planned a bridal shower and partied like it ws
    my day wen the day finally came (although i got alot of “ma worry
    ti e naa a tode” from relatives, i didnt feel bad, i smiled and
    said THANK YOU) … Guess what? i even moved in temporarily with
    dem wen she got pregnant and her first trimester was HELL!!!
    hospital today, home tomorow, and i was working but some nights i
    wuld crash in the hospital with her ( we were in a state where i
    was the only family around so my mum wouldnt let me rest until she
    knew i was beside her 24/7). Few months later i met my Joy, am
    engaged now and my wedding is next month, we’r doing the whole
    planning process together and her baby is my little bride… LIFE
    IS NOT A RACE, Good things happen for people who are truely happy
    for others when its thier turn.

  • Oama November 15, 2013 at 11:35 am

    Very Interesting Topic, Let me add my piece. I took 4 years
    from my younger sis, she got married last year and at dat time i
    wasnt even seeing anyone yet, but i was truely happy for her, my
    mind was at peace, i planned her day, fasted and prayed with her
    concerning the day, planned a bridal shower and partied like it ws
    my day wen the day finally came (although i got alot of “ma worry
    ti e naa a tode” from relatives, i didnt feel bad, i smiled and
    said THANK YOU) … Guess what? i even moved in temporarily with
    dem wen she got pregnant and her first trimester was HELL!!!
    hospital today, home tomorow, and i was working but some nights i
    wuld crash in the hospital with her ( we were in a state where i
    was the only family around so my mum wouldnt let me rest until she
    knew i was beside her 24/7). Few months later i met my Joy, am
    engaged now and my wedding is next month, we’r doing the whole
    planning process together and her baby is my little bride… LIFE
    IS NOT A RACE, Good things happen for people who are truely happy
    for others when its thier turn.

  • Ayo November 15, 2013 at 11:59 am

    The 3rd girl in my family scattered the queue by getting
    married first. It definitely put a lot of pressure (and maybe a
    little envy on the older ones). The 1st has been married now for
    over 10 years *smiles*. With the 2nd and I left, its not easy at
    all though she tells me not to wait for her. A close friend of mine
    got married and now has a baby and though the elder sister is
    always there, you can see the pain and longing in her eyes. Society
    definitely puts a pressure on the race to the alter.

  • mia November 15, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    Abeg, them no dey catch late comer jor, whoever marries
    first, we bless God. life generally has a way of leveling thing

  • ketch November 15, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    Una dey talk! Imagine your niece getting married over you!
    Oya make una talk this one abeg. I need tranquilizers for the day
    o!!! Plzzz advice where I can get some…

    • ketch November 15, 2013 at 12:26 pm

      The niece that you bathed and powdered o! The one who
      called you aunty from the time she could form words…the one who
      held your hands when she was frightened…now her children are
      going to be ‘aunties’ to your children. Aiye yi sha….

      • Tincan November 15, 2013 at 12:50 pm

        But the bottom line is still… ‘and so what’? 🙂

      • kutenene November 26, 2013 at 3:33 am

        My dear,you can’t marry yourself,so take a chill pill. Marriage is not the end but the beginning. Just enjoy ur status now,cos when you get married you will want to be single again

  • ella November 15, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    I don’t have sisters so I wouldn’t know abt dat but my
    cousin(3yrs younger) is getting married ds december n I’m very
    excited.infact my gele will be the widest dat day…every mallam to
    his kettle,u cannot use anodr person’s wall clock to time ur own

  • Hello November 15, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    This thing always bothered me! I was with this guy for a
    long time and it was going towards marriage but my older sister was
    still single. So, I sort of kept delaying things till she got
    married. I did NOT want to get married or engaged before her. It
    had to be her FIRST. No other way. And then my mum told me that our
    destinies are different and I shouldn’t wait for anybody. Anyway,
    praise God. Shortly after that, the right man found her and today
    they are happily married. I’m now single and waiting lol.

  • ifegirl November 15, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Nice topic! I think there’s the general culture but the
    ‘family culture’ supercedes. I got married before my elder sister
    and trust her personality, she was my events planner, organiser
    etc…Fortunately she’s getting married few weeks from

  • Jescy Eagle November 15, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    I am getting married in March 2014 and my big sis isnt
    married but so far she supports me, i actually discussed it with
    her before beginning my preparations…she is my maid of honour and
    she doesnt seem bothered

  • emerald November 15, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    hmmm.where do i start from.i think the problem is the words
    of pple.some elder ones would not care,but some pple’s words can
    pierce like swords.most especially, if some are in a family where
    some parents want to brew unnecessary sibling rivalry by comparing
    and making the one who still single feel like they are
    such scenario there would be this pressure and a tinge of jealousy
    from older siblings. However when parents understand that its not a
    race and are loving and supporting then the pressure would not be
    there as such, except such sibling just has a jealous spirit.that
    kind of sibling in other matters other than marriage will still be
    envious. Mine was at work.a close colleague of mine got married and
    other senior colleagues wanted to use this to make fun of me.i
    asked God to help me while im still waiting on him to do
    day we were all seated in a room waiting for something when one of
    the senior colleagues used style to bring up the issue,i
    immediately announced to them to face their challenges while i
    faced mine.since then, not one of them has ever brought up the
    issue again.every body has one problem or the other why focus on
    single pple as if that is the only issue on earth.

  • Rynyx November 15, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    my sister who is three years younger than I am got married before me. I gave her all the support she wanted. picked money during the trad in the rain until my nails were almost bleeding, I was happy to do the housegirl work during the white wedding, my blouse was even torn from tossing me left and right. I love my sisters to bits and I will not have it any other way. I got married shortly after her and we are both happy in our homes with healthy kids. the SI unit of life is per head o, every man for himself. u cant hold one person down because of another.

  • Vicki November 15, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    Ladies…hmmmm… comment.

  • ANNE November 15, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    We are seven girls and one boy am the second child,my immediate elder sister got married 18years ago, am the only one not yet married.No pressures from my parents they are very understanding but am applying every wisdom i can to keep up with other people around me at work, church and my creep.However am strongly believing GOD.

  • joy November 15, 2013 at 6:07 pm

    My younger sist got married b4 me dat ws 2yrs bck, she even
    have a daughter now who is abt 10mnts old.Dou suitors ar coming bt
    d ones coming just wnt 2 see thru my panties nd walk away.Not found
    d rite one yet,bt if I do hmm I don’t fink it wud tk more dan
    6mnths b4 getting married. My younger sist nd I talk a lot abt dis
    issue dat is marriage stuff.

  • Oge Nwachukwu November 15, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    I am the first of three girls and my 2nd yesterday is 10 years younger than me and both ladies are married and i have cousins like sisters that also younger than me and also married. had fun planning the weddings i was part of. society will put pressure on you. it is left to you to not put pressure on yourself, so u dont do what will get you killed in future

  • Matil_Bee November 16, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Words can tear the heart and soul. To those who say these
    mean things, they don’t even care how we feel. But what difference
    does it really make if the younger sister or brother get’s married
    before the older one. I remember someone i had a chat with whose
    younger brother was itching to get married but couldn’t do so
    because his older brother wasn’t married. The older brother was put
    on so much pressure just because the family wouldnt allow the
    younger one to get married first. Nawa o. I guess it’s a common
    thing with some of our cultures in this part of the world. But we
    forget that we need to get the right man first before the talk of
    marriage comes into play. Abi which woman doesn’t want a companion
    by her side? Which woman doesnt want to have a family of her own?
    Which woman wants to be lonely for the rest of her life? Absolutely
    NO ONE. Unfortunately sometimes these things happen because we
    don’t get to meet the right persons yet. Personally i really don’t
    think it’s a big deal, however the case we need to support each
    other, that’s what families do not tear up one another or burden
    the hearts of others with sorrow. For even the bible says there is
    time for everything under the sun, abeg when that time reach we go

  • cindy November 16, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    my two younger sisters got married before me, i really
    didn’t care and i still dont care. i was always one that wanted
    success before marriage, in fact i didnt want to be married. i am
    now getting to that point of wanting to be married, now i am ready
    for marriage and it would have been unfair to them if i was not
    happy for them. in my opinion we all have different path in life
    any one can get married first and you should always give your

  • Idak November 16, 2013 at 4:05 pm

    When will we stop running the race of others and run our own race?
    Let us learn to stay in our lane and run our OWN race.
    You can never measure success correctly as long as you use metrics that are not non-unique metrics.
    There is no benchmark for measuring true success. It has to be custom made.
    I hear enough of these pressure but on us by society,some of the the time, the pressure is put by ourselves by silly assumptions. We assume everyone is minding our business and marking time for us. Often they are busy trying to live their own live and sort out their own issues.
    No be who marry first dey first born.

  • Chigbo November 16, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    To those saying “and so what…?”……… response is that not everybody has thick skin to handle nosy relatives who may pass comments that pierce deep down. Younger siblings getting married before older ones isn’t and shouldn’t be a problem in sane societies but when you are in Naija it is another kettle of fish.

    I have a junior sibling who I love and adore but I would be seriously ashamed if she got married before me although I d still love and support her. May God not allow me to see such disgrace.

    Thankfully I am in a relationship now and it’s fast heading towards the altar. Everything I ever prayed for. I am so grateful xlly since ALL my classmates and cousins are married and boasting with wedding and baby pics on social media.

    I am soo soo happy and grateful now for my boo. My baby sis will def get hers too . Bella Naija expect our per-wedding photo shoot soon.

    • Idak November 17, 2013 at 9:29 am

      God should not allow you to see such disgrace?
      Is that what you term a disgrace?

    • Idak November 17, 2013 at 9:31 am

      Measuring your life with the assumed successes of your classmates and cousins is surely a self-inflicted pressure. It surely doesn’t end well.

  • Nwa Baby November 17, 2013 at 12:28 am

    WOAH!!! I guess this particular post is for me as my
    younger sister is getting married on the 30th of this month.
    Personally I am so happy for her because I had told her 2 years ago
    not to wait for me… but to marry whenever she was ready….
    Though of recent I noticed that my Dad was dragging his feet to set
    a date for my sister’s wedding, maybe because my elder sister, and
    I are still single. It was a battle my sister and mum had to fight
    because my Dad was virtually frustrating my sister’s suitor all in
    the bid to delay the wedding…. Glad my sister is getting
    married…and when I do next year, she will be my MOH… Still
    trying to get over my phobia for matrimony. Growing up in a
    polygamous setting where I watch my mom fight for my dad’s
    attention from different women all my life really put me off
    marriage…. The Nigerian tradition of ENDURING painful marriages
    aka “STAY-PUT and CRY” really scares me. I rather stay single than
    go through what my mom had to put up with, and is still putting up
    with… Thankfully, I have an understanding man that is helping to
    make me learn to see that there are good and faithful men out
    there. I recommend the video below for those still trying to wade
    off those filters and labels on how they see men, just like I
    did… Celebrate with
    me, peoples….. Cos As far I am concerned, my sister just broke
    the jinx…. More wedding bells to follow…..

  • not the girl you know November 17, 2013 at 9:06 am

    Funny topic; I ‘coulda’ sworn my mum was too sophisticated to think this pettily. But basically, I have been told to get married before my younger brother. Funny since I have made it clear that this sisteh aint getting married ever! Anyone waiting for me shall get old. I have a thick skin, a brutally sharp mouth and no compunction about being rude.

    • Happy Special Awesomeness November 18, 2013 at 7:08 pm

      And there is someone who can handle that. I’m kinda like that too, but I’m not rude. I say it as it is though when it’s needed. I’m not against marriage, but it’s not a do or die affair for me like some women. As long as u are happy , does it really matter?

  • Chigbo November 17, 2013 at 9:58 am

    You definitely don’t feel it as much when you are the elder sibling AND in a stable relationship of your own.But if you had no suitors and your baby sis was wedding, you d be depressed trust me!

  • omada November 17, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    Most of the time the older sisters don’t care, but its family members, mothers especially, that create unnecessary tension.

  • Oyinkan November 17, 2013 at 5:50 pm

    Nice topic,its a really serious topic,my younger sis got married before me and i must confess since she won’t read this that it was the ‘saddest’ time of my life.Just one year between us (age) and she is like the bad girl of the family,the whole family kept on calling me before d wedding that why is she going before me.I saw hell then i didnt go home to help them plan,i went a week before and i swear i faked happiness all through because If i laugh too much ,they will say she is pretending,if i don’t they will say she is not happy.I didnt know what to do,had to google and read people’s opinion,that helped me a bit.I was very sad on the d day i just had to fake the happiness,i danced off beat that day and the worst moment my sister insulted me at d venue because i told her friends to leave the reserved table for the governor.after the insult,i just started crying,u know bottled emotions,i cried like someone died and people started looking at me,it was so embarrasing.I am glad it was just a day,now she is having problems within 5 months with d guy and she confessed to our mother that i am the most loved in the family and i was always gettting the goodies and she actually rushed into d marriage just to atleast do something before me.Thats some serious issue.sigh

    • Chigbo November 17, 2013 at 9:58 pm

      Pele… sorry to hear that.

    • Teni November 18, 2013 at 12:42 pm

      Wow! Please don’t let it bother u o,just keep thanking Jesus and he will do yours soon

  • ADANMA November 18, 2013 at 6:31 am


  • oge chegwe November 18, 2013 at 8:17 am

    This is d most interesting comment. You should never let peoples opinion determine your state of mind. Your sister is going to suffer d rest of her life is care is not taken, good example to all.

  • Miya November 18, 2013 at 9:33 am

    I got married 7 yrs ago. Growing up I knew my older sister was a late bloomer in that aspect. I looked up to her in other ways when I realized relationship wise she was not ready. My parents wished I was like her. Fast foward I’m married with kids. My sister spend time with me, even gives me money for the children. What I pray for her now She is ready is that… Every negative aspect of marriage will be positive for her. I pray her marriage will forever be in the honeymoon phase. My Dad wishes instead of stifling us he should have said something at the right age.

  • aisha November 18, 2013 at 11:25 am

    Hmmmmmm,wt can I say..I pray I get married b4 mi kid jst 21 nd mi mum is already on mi neck,wt will happen wen mi kid sis gt married b4 mi..God elp us all

  • Anonymous November 18, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Beautiful topic as I am in d same situation @ d moment… My sis is getting married to a guy I can barely stand and apparently He askd me out and I said a big no and when I tld her, she said he was only joking and that my friends and I were saying dt because she ws younger and that infact her frnds got married before their elder sisters and the elder sisters danced more dan d brides sef, and then that was just a hint… He Proposed after she made sure everyone in the family were in sync wit her and even went as far as going to report to Pastor say we no gree… MY Dad disapproved @ first cos the guy was our neighbour and all sorts…. @ first I didnt want to go for the intro cos truth be told, U wld definitely feel the pang and jealousy is an understatement whether you say u v tld ur younger ones from the start to go ahead whn they are ready dts if you are not ready… Not when you have to deal with silly aunties and relatives that ask why you let her go ahead with marriage before you and saying u r next and all sorts…. One Uncle on her intro day even called me aside and started ” I know how u feel but ur own hubby is on the way and started prayers and I am sure u know how embarrassing DAT is, When U even try to act all grown and evn help in sharing asoebis, Anoda Aunt calls and said I saw ur mums text message and even had to call her back to ask her why she allowed dat, I just said everyone has different priorities and she has chosen her part, I am trying to establish my career but when i got home and started remembering d comments,i was sad and depressed all wknd until I went to the house of the Lord on Sunday, my peeps I cant kill myself… I called a frnd whose always dere to give me advice and he said my dear, Put on a thick skin cos more questions would still come even during d wedding and afterwards so I have decided to start planning my answers to dose tatafo relatives and ppl but not participating wld bring more talk so I wld smile the best dat day, act like the events planner and make sure everyone is comfy and have my mouth daggers equipped… Winks’…. At the end of the day, Don’t stress it cos Marriage is not a competition and everyone has his/ her own destiny…. But I no dey d train sha nd my sis didn’t bother asking me to be her MOH cos I for no gree, I still get small dignity mbok…. Waiting for more comments!!!

  • Teni November 18, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    Not only is my younger sister married with two kids, my younger nieces and cousins are getting married too, make i kill myself? As far as am concerned, marriage does not record late coming,so do it when you are happy and pray you won’t regret entering into it at the end of d day! My sis just gave birth to her second child sef, i was in charge of the cooking and all, of course i got a lot of “ti e na ade” and “ire akari o” but am not bitter in anyway. Am enjoying my single status and when marriage comes, i will embrace it wholeheartedly.

  • HOPE November 18, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    i think the long and short of this life is to develop a
    thick skin. the race doesn’t end with marriage.once u are in and
    after 2years u haven’t put to birth a different ball game starts.if
    you have all girls,another story.if the children don’t turn out
    well pple will laugh.GOD HELP US ALL.

  • Princess Mimi November 19, 2013 at 4:00 am

    This is ridiculous. If God says it is your time then no
    person on earth or in hell can tell you what to do (if you are a
    younger sibling). If you are older- You cannot marry the wrong
    person to save face. God is always on time. It is better to be
    single and wait for the right person than to marry the wrong person
    and regret every day of your married life.

  • NOKSIS November 19, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    My case is slightly different that is because nobody in my family is married yet. I am the first. and i feel the pain of those of are being ‘asked when is your own?’. I am the Ada o f the family and i get comments and questions like: ‘your own is next in Jesus name’, ‘ don’t be too choosy ooo. my husband rode a bicycle when i first met him’, ‘you see your quest for education is driving men away, with all the degrees you have, men will feel you wont submit to them, that is why they are running away’, ‘you have too much money, men will feel they cant tame you’. The one that broke me was when my male bestie asked me if we should stop being friends so that, people will not think he is dating you. Update posts on BBM, Watsapp, Instagram, Facebook, i start getting pings and IMs’Is he the one, are we coming to eat rice soon.When are we coming for omugwo. I am only 26. KILODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I am not listening to what the society says or do to me. When i meet him we will go down the aisle. For now abeg free me ooooo.

  • omo akhigbe November 20, 2013 at 7:34 am

    Abeg wishes are not horses so beggers will continue to trek until God decides to make your wish to become a horse. Am an only child/daughter and i have younger cousins and nieces even nephews marrying and am still not married. The truth be told: e dey pinch for body cos i have always wanted to be married and give birth to more than one child but as i said wishes arent horses. And society isnt helping matters at all. Infact my mother has travelled far and wide and am sure many ministers of God have recieved my name for prayers from my mum. It is my prayer that she celebrates her daughter wedding in this life so that she too can be iya iyawo. I am still praying bcos i like and i want to be married unlike those who have thick skin and those who dont want to be married.

  • Lizzy November 20, 2013 at 11:50 am

    My elder sister said it didn’t matter when our younger brother got married, she endured the wedding. Now she refused to attend my wedding and planned a program far away. She told me it didn’t matter but i can’t wait for her. She told my mom the aunties have asked all sorts of questions, some have even said it’s better she’s not there. It hurts both ways as the younger one getting married and the older single one.

  • Diadem November 21, 2013 at 7:05 pm

    A very realistic topic. Kudos to you for this write-up! I am the youngest of 3sisters and I’m married. My immediate elder sis got married first & has kids. Our eldest sis isn’t married yet but she was & has been so supportive of our marriages in all aspects. I knw it is not easy 4her but she loves us dearly as we love her. We have all been praying for her bcos she has been going through a lot ranging 4rm spiteful uncles, relatives etc & meeting d “very wrong” set of men. It is not easy bcos she tells me all her challenges in relationships & most times I dnt feel worthy 2give d perfect piece of avdice but I try. I pray 4her always & I knw dat her marrital joy is on d way soon.

  • HOPE November 21, 2013 at 7:37 pm

    at diadem:u are a lovely younger sister.some other sisters would act as if they have won a trophy to spite their sisters.

  • Temi November 22, 2013 at 1:08 am

    Deep thought, I have never thought abt thus until recently.
    I see no big deal in it!!

  • Ehn ehn November 22, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    Faints! Your sister did that?
    Girls wont stop amazing me

  • November 23, 2013 at 5:32 pm

    This is very very serious. Some relatives don’t knw their place. But in all every single love to have a family of their own. May God help all the Singles esp Nigerians.

  • IT November 26, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    I love my siblings very much. I was never jealous or vindictive when my four younger siblings (a brother inclusive) got married before me. I spent my money and time (even taking leave of absence) days before their wedding to make sure things are in place. I know my parents were not comfortable with them getting married before me but I sat them down (when we had the first wedding in the family in 2009) and consecutive years thereafter and informed them not to disturb anyone of my siblings that want to marry. Our last girl did her wedding in 2012 and am happy that I will be having mine next year by God’s grace and they are all more excited than I am if I may say so by it. My siblings and parents never made me feel less of a fulfilled person. I sincerely believe that one should marry for love and when one is physically and emotionally matured to carry further responsibility. I know people talk and bat their eyelids but I CHOOSE not to be affected by their spoken and unspoken words and expressions. I believe in the maxim “no one can make you inferior without your consent”. It is not good to stop the happiness of others just to let an older sibling get married which may be years to come. Everyone has his/her time for their prayer to be answered. What matter most, is to prayer that one should be able to wait for God’s time for each one to be served his/her blessings. My time has come so will others too.

  • Mahalia December 1, 2013 at 9:39 pm

    Firstly, why should it matter who marries first? Everyone has a different story, journey, purpose and path! When God calls time…no one can alter it. So my dear sisters just wait for your own time…even if all your younger siblings make it to the alter before you, know that in time God makes everything beautiful. Wishing death upon one’s self as stated in the written piece is quite harsh! Marriage is not the be all and end all of life….frankly it (marriage) is a bit overrated….I guess that’s why a lot of people dive into it with reckless abandon and then later realise that it wasn’t the right time, the right choice or the right spouse! it’s no wonder why so many marriages are breaking down when pressure such as the discuss above drives people to all sorts of things!…..Let only the will of God be established in your life. xx

  • ebele December 9, 2013 at 6:12 am

    @ aoma you did the right thing for your sister and God blessed you for it, it is d same wit my elder sister she loves me so much, when my husband came to marry me she was d pillar of support for becos so many family members object to the marriage.but she was there for me and now am planning my wedding she supports me financially and otherwise. My prayer for her is dat God gives her a good life partner who will take care of her for me becos she is d nicest. I love my two sisters!!! Sister okwy I love u and God bless you for me and also answer my prayers becos am preparing for ur wedding soon

  • Haddy December 15, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    This topic speaks to me as well. My immediate younger sister got married 13 years ago, at age 18. I’m not married. Not very certain I want to and I bear no grudges against her. Whatever for? I love all her 3 kids more than life itself. I visit them regularly and sometimes spend my leave at their place. I cook for them, wash her children’s and husband’s clothes, whatever I find in the laundry basket. I sweep and do all other chores. Has that removed anything from me? No. My younger brother got married recently and I single-handedly bore the cost of the wedding. These are my siblings and I love them. Why should I be jealous of their happiness? I honestly don’t feel bad about it. I don’t care much for marriage and if I do change my mind about that, I’ll certainly not rush into it. Our fourth born, female, I’m sure will soon come to announce that she’s getting married and I’ll be very happy to organise hers as well. It hasn’t lessened the respect they all have for me. Why should it? It all has to do with the love and respect that exists between siblings, in my opinion.

  • cute larai December 20, 2013 at 10:02 am

    The truth is, other things being equal, there’s no big deal in who goes first or last. Life is a parallel race with everyone on his/her own track. The only challenge is that of ‘Aprokos’ and ‘amebos’ who relish the idea of rubbing in your losses/disadvantage. I once attended my 24 year old Cousin’s wedding (i’m just a month older than her) and almost regretted my attendance. These amebos never considered that logically it was in order for her to marry before me, she studied a 4 yr course (grad at 21) while I opted for Medicine(+strike yrs); as at the time of her wedding, I just had my Induction and marriage was the least on my list (Medics know better). I was not even moved by all their comments (urs will soon come, u’re next, we’ll witness urs too etc)initally, until one woman passed a derogatory one at the engagement asking why I sat as a spectator instead joining the bride in her dance with younger siblings/cousins so I can learn how it’s done (yorubas will understand the tone and exact words she used). I felt so embarrassed. Was not being married synonymous with loss of status? But for my Mom who stepped on my toes, I’d have given the woman a piece of my mind. Since then, I just resolved not to attend weddings of younger cousins (I don’t have a sister anyway) as my job served as a good excuse. In sincerity, it could be really embarrassing. I wonder how someone who’s single (and an elder sister of the bride) would feel if I, despite being just a cousin and in a steady relationship (oblivious to these amebos) could feel that way. The society puts so much pressure on the female and if u choose a different path, they’ll make u feel less than human and plant envy among siblings even when there’s none. Regardless of their talks, try to enjoy your life as a single woman. I still opted for higher degree despite their talks. I don’t intend just being ‘the wife of…’ but intend being ‘Somebody’ myself.

  • Ogechi July 24, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    lovely comments, My mother had a s**t fit when she realised my sister was going to do her traditional marriage before me! my mama no gree oh. She insisted I do mine first before her and to me it’s a no biggy. I have no qualms about such things at all. anyways each man to his own or and Nice writeup Mzchizzy. Am sure you are as cheeky as you sound.. he he he

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