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Aunty Bella: Miss. Different Religion

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Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.

***
Hello Bella, I pondered on whether to write my story or just ask that you throw the question out there. Is it okay for a Christian girl to marry a muslim? What are the challenges, are there people who have gone through it and was it a smooth sail?

I am a Christian, love God so much and I have been a relationship for about 1 year. The guy has been a good guy also a Christian. He loves me; we are friends and he just seems perfect and ticks all the boxes. The issue is, I have had some little reservations in my heart which I do not want to bore you with because they might seem like nothing. Or maybe it’s just instincts that I am just settling to get married. No excitement or deep intense feeling of love. And I keep telling myself I would cope.

I recently met a Muslim guy and I initially I thought he was just a distraction and the devil at work, but I realised we have a mad connection. He doesn’t even have as much (materially) as my boyfriend and to be honest. This doesn’t bother me because I know any man who marries me will be extremely successful. We would build and grow together and I know how determined and focused he is. The laughter is endless and I know how I feel about him deep inside. He is so easy to talk to and interestingly he also asked me to marry him straight up. The question is I know I really like the Muslim guy and I’ll be genuinely happier with him but do I leave certainty, stability, the norm and comfort zone or what I am used to for uncertainty and risks? His family loves me already and he isn’t asking me to change my religion or anything.

I have only told a few people in my family. But I know the decision ultimately lies with me. I am a little scared because of the ideals I have built in my head and what I think is acceptable especially since you hear different stories everyday but the truth is I know how happy he makes me.

I am praying seriously but I just need to hear from experts or other people out there who have gone through same.

Thank you very much.

Photo Credit: eurweb.com

112 Comments

  1. ehi

    January 16, 2014 at 10:08 am

    omg this is her speakibg to me am on the same shoe please i need ur replies aswell

    • Ambivalent

      January 16, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      I’m presently going through something similar, in my case there’s no one else on the horizon but I just don’t feel like my present boyfriend is the one and things have gotten really serious. I’m in my late 20’s now but I still hear this small voice telling me to take my time..My present bf is in his 30’s, very very financial stable, God-fearing and well mannered but I just don’t feel like he’s home…

    • Newbie

      January 19, 2014 at 6:15 pm

      Err…it’s not similar then! She specifically asked advice about the Christian/Muslim dilemma, not about whether or not she’s sufficiently in love with her current beau. Smh…

    • Leah

      January 16, 2014 at 7:12 pm

      Wow! Really? I honestly did not know it was that common for a woman to be in serious relationships with two guys at the same time. Girlfriend has a Christian boyfriend, and is dating a Muslim guy who asked her to marry him all in a period of one year. Damn! I need to get with the program, I find it hard to handle one man at a time. She should just draw a name from a hat and which ever wins gets the bride. *my advice*

  2. Hurperyearmie

    January 16, 2014 at 10:24 am

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmm 2 cannot walk together except they agree, do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers #myopinion# shikenah

    • Syrup

      January 16, 2014 at 1:09 pm

      So pathetic. open your mind. mscheww

    • Lolade

      January 16, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      how can you call this pathetic when the bible clearly says this….. 2 Corinthians 6:14. This babe should ask the Holy Spirit to guide her instead of asking human beings for their two cents…by the time she reads all the ‘advice’ she will be even more confused……I am a Christian and I think you should personally marry a man who has submitted himself under the authority of Jesus Christ. Having said that, I know some interfaith marriages which are going strong so its a really tough one to be honest…..the bottom line is that it all comes down to how strong your faith is st a Christian and how strong his faith is as a Muslim….strong Christians who fully comprehend the doctrine of exclusivity (that only those who have accepted Christ as their Lord and person saviour will enter the gates of heaven) and who place a high importance on praying under the authority of Jesus Christ as a couple will most probably not marry a non-christian…and the same can be said of strong Muslims……

    • Blessmyheart

      January 16, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      Why call her opinion pathetic? Besides, the person asking
      for advice is a Christian, how else do we advise her if not by the
      Bible? As a Christian, I believe spiritual compatibility is very
      important even among Christians. There are some denominations I
      wouldn’t have considered marrying from, not because I look down on
      them or hate them, but because there are certain things/practices
      we disagree on. It’s simply because I take my relationship with God
      seriously. That being said, there are a number of question you need
      to ask yourself before making a final decision: 1. Are you very
      sure what you’re experiencing right now is not just passion that
      may fizzle out later? 2. Do you think you’ll have the opportunity
      to grow in your faith if married to a muslim? 3. How do you want to
      bring up your children? Do you think you would have control over
      that. 4. What if, just what if, he changes and demands you begin to
      practice Islam, what happens. Etc I pray God guides you into making
      the right decision.

    • biodun

      February 14, 2014 at 12:39 pm

      I don’t know what you mean by unbeliever. I once find myself in this type of situation, at the end I married a woman I don’t have much feeling for.

    • Anon

      June 2, 2016 at 5:38 pm

      Unbeliever: Subjectively – One who does not share your beliefs and conviction.

      Objectively (by dictionary definition): somebody who does not share beliefs: somebody who does not believe in an established religious faith or in conventional beliefs.
      Microsoft® Encarta® 2008. © 1993-2007 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

  3. annonymous

    January 16, 2014 at 10:24 am

    i think i understand how you feel because i was in a similar situation. i was so torn that i just prayed and then the scripture on do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers or my anger will be aroused against you came to my mind. and i just stopped calling the muslim. i married the christian and i am sooo happy i did. he’s the best man for me and i love him even more than i did when we got married. so with my whole heat i pray for you that you will chose the christian if he is the right man for you but if he isn’t wait for the right one. he will come. Our God is too faithful to fail!

    • whocares

      January 16, 2014 at 10:36 am

      The Muslim is an unbeliever whom God inadvertently advised you to turn away from lest you unleash his wrath? Is this really what the bible means or have we just perverted it in trying to interpret it? smh.

    • Missy

      January 16, 2014 at 11:14 am

      A person who does not believe in Christ or the Cross of Jesus is an unbeliever, be he Atheist or Muslim. Marrying a person who does not share your Christian faith is an unequal yoke. She hasn’t perverted anything.

    • whocares

      January 16, 2014 at 11:23 am

      @missy… I was merely asking a question… Just to be clear he is an unbeliever because he doesn’t believe in Christ. That is a fair position.. but that bit about bringing about the wrath of God? When the person in question happens to believe in God as well or Allah as the case might be? I don’t know..

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      January 16, 2014 at 2:35 pm

      @whocares, actually there was once a time when God gave strict instructions regarding Israelites intermarrying with other nations who had other forms of worship. His rules were absolute back then – no excuses, just don’t do it. The rules are placed in context when one remembers that Israel was called out then specifically to worship Him and He desired their undivided commitment.

      For Christians today, we got into the fold because God, through Grace has now made the promise given to Israel (Him being their God, source and help in every way) available to us through Christ. The conundrum which this often brings is understanding what rules we should apply to our new lives in Him. That passage from 2 Cor 6:14, I think, sets out the ideal for Christians but the real grey area is the question of whether it is an actual sin to be married to someone who’s not a Christian. There is some merit to the observation that you’re obviously going to be raising children with your spouse and want to set certain standards in accordance with what you believe, which standards may be totally different from what your spouse has in mind. And the same argument can be applied to being “yoked” in business relationships. So that’s where the issues are going to arise, regardless of whether 2 Cor 6:14 prescribes a sin or not.

      And finally, to the BN reader who sent this letter in… I think that since you’ve decided to pray and have already consulted people you trust around you, there’s no need to canvass the opinion of the masses on such a life-impacting decision. Your answer will only come with a clear head, whereas what you read here may eventually add more confusion to your decision making process.

    • biodun

      February 14, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      may God deliver and open your heart.

    • slice

      January 17, 2014 at 12:56 am

      i only take issue with the part of “my anger will be roused against you.” the bible simply doesn’t state that part.

  4. PP

    January 16, 2014 at 10:29 am

    Abeg you people should answer oh! The guy just had to be jehovah witness.. and wants me convert and if not no marriage..

    • looters

      January 17, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      You shouldn’t get married to him unless YOU want to convert to his religion. For him to insist, that’s a red flag already; not because of a different belief but on the insistence that it is going to be his belief and his alone.

    • mosunmola

      January 21, 2014 at 6:34 pm

      Quite similar with urs. The guy hasn’t told me no marriage yet tho. But the question is can I be a jehovah’s witness. But I love him so dearly. The thought sickens me. But then to the lady whose seeking advice. In as much as religion is very important, there are some harriers that can be broken in a relationship. It’s the connection that matters. I have a friend (girl)who is a xtian and is engaged to a Muslim and they’re so happy. Just seek God. It’s ur Happiness that’s most important. God help us. Cos no one is truly perfect

    • oshodi

      February 6, 2014 at 9:00 pm

      How long has this relationship lasted if I may ask??… how well do u know the behavior of this person??…. if someone claims to love u truly but bluntly sets such a military like standard for marriage even when u havent said yes, such a person should both be feared and respected…
      I say ‘feared’ because, this may not be the last military command he will dish out even after marriage… he should also be respected for being honest and upfront about his rules..
      ..my 2 cents

  5. Troll

    January 16, 2014 at 10:30 am

    “His family loves me already and he isn’t asking me to change my religion or anything”
    Hahahahahaha…GIST! Wait till you enter then see how they feel about your religion. Anyway, it always amuses me when people try to predict the future, you are not God; you can never determine what the future holds. You can marry the Christian and regret it, same thing goes for the Muslim. I’ll advise you to follow your heart and try and be happy not matter the choice you make. And yeah, divorce is always an option.

  6. LoL

    January 16, 2014 at 10:32 am

    Typical case of ‘choice with spark’ or ‘smart’ choice? I’m a strong believer in marrying for love though. But uhm, this Muslim dude has already asked u to marry him? Have you guys ever talked about how many wives he intends to marry or are you okay with polygamy?

  7. obi

    January 16, 2014 at 10:33 am

    He might not ask u to change your religion at the beginning but a lot of them will do so after a few years when u must have settled and gotten used to the marriage. they will give you the option of changing to islam or divorce and most times because of the kids the woman will have no option than to succumb. some might not ask you to change your religion but no Muslim man will allow you take his kids ie your generation to church . will you be happy that your kids are Muslims while you alone is a Christian in the household, think of all the possible outcomes including marrying of more wives etc. The choice is yours and not for readers to make for you.

  8. Omotoyosi

    January 16, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Nice. I cant wait to hear sincere views on this…….. Please no sentiments.

  9. folake

    January 16, 2014 at 10:34 am

    pls do not try it the two of you cannot walk together except you agree , just pray , you don’t have to marry the Christian one you can marry another but do not marry some one who is not of the same religion with you he will change eventually

  10. Binta

    January 16, 2014 at 10:35 am

    Hmmm, Ive been here, Im a christian and i was dating a christian then I met a muslim guy and we did have a mad connection too. he asked me to marry him several times but once he said he will definitely marry another wife because his religion allows it and if he can afford it. Now for me that was a no. I didn’t want to be in a polygamous marriage. Marrying a christian doesn’t guarantee he wont leave you, or even marry someone else , it does happen. Marrying from either religion you need to understand that its not just about now and how you feel, it affects a lot of things. if he decides tomorrow he wants to be a full blown alfa and you have to start wearing Hijab will you be ok with it? religion is usually far reaching in its effect so think about it but also follow your happiness :).

  11. tadhisar sheeda-hassi

    January 16, 2014 at 10:36 am

    mine is just the opposite, me being the muslim. i really need solutions as well

  12. www.anemistyle.com

    January 16, 2014 at 10:37 am

    Many people go through unnecessary problems because of poor choices. The BIG question is are you ready to convert to Islam or is he ready to convert to Christianity if not my dear please move on. Its difficult to be logical when emotions are involved but after marriage when you are less emotional its the logical decisions that will keep you happy. #youwillbeok

    • jcsgrl

      January 16, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      Gbam! You hit the nail on the head. Follow your heart with some logical reasoning. From a christianity point of view, I would advise you to move on. You will be very ok. Let both men go and seek God completely. The one that is meant for you will come.

    • Iris

      January 16, 2014 at 4:09 pm

      That’s it exactly! If you are both religious and feel strongly about your faiths and how to raise your children, that problem is going to come up after the fairy-tale wedding has ended and the reality of marriage begins. The question of conversion for one of you needs to be dealt with unless you both agree to stay with your faiths and raise your children with one parent’s faith.Even then, some things may be problematic…

  13. Naz

    January 16, 2014 at 10:40 am

    Babe, it is truly your decision to make. However i feel you should keep sentiments aside and try to think straight.
    1 Question- How long have you been with this muslim guy? i ask because it could be that initial spark when u meet someone and find them interesting.
    2. Think back if you had the same spark with your Christian boyfriend initially.
    3. Ask yourself sincerely, will you still have this “mad connection” with the muslim guy 5-10years down the line.
    4. What are your opinions about building an inter-religion home? Are you tolerant enough? What direction will you lead your kids without problems?? its not about you, its about a future 2 of you will build, but remember you will be the home maker a lot will really depend on you. Think Carefully and decide wisely.

    Remember its not about being married buy staying happily married
    also remember that a bird in hand is worth more than 2 in the bush

    I think it may not be worth trashing a relationship you have build and maintained over a year for a short term fantasy. Before you leave your Christain boyfriend, I think you should make up your mind that you are DONE with him on strong grounds. #AWordIsEnoughForTheWise

    • Anon

      January 16, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      Naz u r so smart u hav said it all 🙂 wat wuld b d fate of ur children would dey b confudes ur husband would neva let dem go to church bcos he owns d children n dey r muslims

    • ij

      January 16, 2014 at 6:41 pm

      Jesus must surely continue to punish Satan, you are on point with your analysis

    • Purpleicious Babe

      April 20, 2014 at 4:59 pm

      @ Naz I think your analysis is fair.

      Personally, I like to keep things simple. Pls be real and be honest with yourself.
      Think about 5-10 years time?
      I’d say leave both men lol and allow God to make the decision. KAPESH. If you are really seeking God face that is.

  14. amaaa

    January 16, 2014 at 10:42 am

    Marriage is more than connection or attraction or that butterfly feeling you get when you see a person. I have friends from the middle East and Asia who have arranged marriages and I often wonder how their marriages last longer than ours. I have an Indian friend who told me point blank she isn’t setting he self for heart break that once she is done with schooling she would have her parents help her pick a guy for marriage. I asked about sex and she said that sex is exergerted and the moment you have high expectation for something you never are satisfied that as long as the person is open to try new thing and learn she is fine with it that besides no one was born with sexual prowess.
    What I am trying to say is forget what you are feeling for now detach your self from the situation and objectively look at these men as fathers, husbands and captain of the ship. Looks, feelings, and all the physical attractions will fade away with age, pressures of life, child bearing etc . What is it you want from a marriage and a man in future talk to both of them and share you dreams and let them share their dreams with you and be very objective about this because I see that the Muslim guy excites you a lot. Religion should not be a barrier to who you love but fortunately or unfortunately for some people the very fabric of our society is weaved around religion, cultural believes etc. We might find it archaic but that is what differentiates us from the west . No one can make this decision for you but your self . Good luck

  15. whocares

    January 16, 2014 at 10:42 am

    FYL! lool. sorry for my nonsense attempt at humour… My advise may be terrible because I am not as religious, but if I was talking to my friend, and she was sure this Muslim man made her happy, the Muslim man in question has no problem with her religion, he will not try to stifle her, they can agree on how to rear their children, and all those pertinent questions have been answered satisfactorily, then go where you are happiest. I have an aunt who is an “Alhaja” really that’s what everyone calls her, every Sunday she goes to asalatu, but if a pastor passes by, or someone invites her to church she goes as well. She sings Christian songs as well as she sings the Muslim ones. We serve one God the way I see it (just different languages.. Arabic, English, Latin..) and I refuse to believe God will punish you for marrying a Muslim.

    • Easy n Gentle

      January 16, 2014 at 11:33 am

      Oh God Bless you. I was disappointed to read posts prior to yours. Religious division obviously extends beyond Boko Haram in Nigeria. We’ve been so brain washed that we don’t see clearly anymore except through the eyes of religion.

    • nko

      January 17, 2014 at 11:58 am

      Marriage as it is is very complicated. One has to deal with cultural differences, different ideologies, age difference etc. The issue about religion is our faith increases with time. There are different levels of beliefs (faiths). Someone who probably has very little belief now may end up in a few years increasing in faith and deciding to go the extreme due to the teachings they have been exposed to. So I will strongly advice not to just look at the now. Now he is ok but will he still be ok in 5 to 10 years time. The question you have to ask yourself is, are you willing to still stay married to him and be happy even if he decides to go the extreme (e.g. marry other wives, ask you to convert). If you are then go ahead but if not please don’t blame him or anyone if things change in the future. It will be really unfortunate to agree to marry him only based on how you feel today.

    • Pinkie

      October 24, 2015 at 1:40 pm

      Hmm so true… If he sees you thru it he can take you thru it…. Remember that we have an awesome God…. Uve decided tuh marry him… At the end of the day wen judgment day comes .i am for God…. We both believe in one God the same one n yes we do understand God’s word in different ways… But i believe he will guide us tru… Cause am not giving up on christ neither my heart… And as for my kids i mean everything can.be settled n understandable if we both talk bout it n make our limitations as tuh certain stuff…remember Christians also hide in sheep clothing… Am happie yo… And my #1 priority is trusting in God..

  16. amaaa

    January 16, 2014 at 10:43 am

    Marriage is more than connection or attraction or that butterfly feeling you get when you see a person. I have friends from the middle East and Asia who have arranged marriages and I often wonder how their marriages last longer than ours. I have an Indian friend who told me point blank she isn’t setting he self for heart break that once she is done with schooling she would have her parents help her pick a guy for marriage. I asked about sex and she said that sex is exergerted and the moment you have high expectation for something you never are satisfied that as long as the person is open to try new thing and learn she is fine with it that besides no one was born with sexual prowess.
    What I am trying to say is forget what you are feeling for now detach your self from the situation and objectively look at these men as fathers, husbands and captain of the ship. Looks, feelings, and all the physical attractions will fade away with age, pressures of life, child bearing etc . What is it you want from a marriage and a man in future talk to both of them and share you dreams and let them share their dreams with you and be very objective about this because I see that the Muslim guy excites you a lot. Religion should not be a barrier to who you love but fortunately or unfortunately for some people the very fabric of our society is weaved around religion, cultural believes etc. We might find it archaic but that is what differentiates us from the west . No one can make this decision for you but your self . Good luck

    • Posh

      January 18, 2014 at 12:57 am

      I agree with you 100%

  17. Bloggish

    January 16, 2014 at 10:50 am

    Sweetheart I agree wit anon 10:24am. Do not just dwel on how he makes u feel now. Will u both be able to stand d trials that come wit marrying someone from a diff religion in that naija. Also hw sure r u that along the way there won’t be pressure from his family for u to change. If u feel u r settling for the Christian guy, then do not marry him. I also feel u shld back off from both guys so u can think clearly and even find someone else in the process. Trust me mi dear God has not abandoned u. He is working everything out for your good.

  18. Berry Dakara

    January 16, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Okay, I know people marry across religions and do it successfully, but I could personally never have done it. I was even scared of marrying across Christian denominations, myself, so go figure.

    What I would say is this…
    #1. Passion isn’t everything. And from what you described, it seems like you’re missing passion in your relationship, whereas it’s there with the other guy. Writing from experience, passion doesn’t necessarily last. While it’s there, it can be all-consuming and you feel that there’s no other person in the world but him. However, what happens if/when the passion wears out? What happens when you’re fighting about which religion your children will follow? What happens IF he decides after the wedding that he doesn’t want you going to church? I’m not saying it will happen, but what if?

    #2. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side… It’s green where you water it. Yes, I’m quoting a Justin Beiber song, but that line has soooooo much wisdom in it. If there are uncertainties in your current relationship, have you brought them out in the open, and truly worked hard to overcome them? You say they’re little reservations, “boring,” and seem like nothing. If they really are little, then ask God for grace and wisdom to work through it. Even if they are big problems, now is the time to seek God’s wisdom anyway – whether to stay in the relationship or not. The bottom line is, if you stay in your relationship and marry him, you have to work hard, sow seeds of love, friendship, forgiveness, etc and you’ll reap the benefits.

    #3. I don’t know if your church offers Pre-Premarital Counseling, but if they don’t, I would encourage you to get this book – Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman. It’s a wonderful, insightful book that ensures that you think about EVERYTHING, and discuss with your boyfriend/fiance. From finances to sex to household chores to in-laws, there’s so much you need to discuss, think about and pray about before you make THE COMMITMENT. Remember it’s a lifetime thing (unless there’s abuse), so don’t make your decision lightly.

    Best wishes to you from me 🙂

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      January 16, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      I’ve listened to some talks by Dr. Gary Chapman, the man
      makes a lot of sense. And his book, “The 5 Love Languages” is
      another highly recommended read.

    • Ekwitosi

      January 17, 2014 at 6:42 pm

      @Berry great comment Gary Chapman’s books are very insightful. But for the writer I just think she may not end up with any of these guys because all she is doing is picking qualities that she is looking for from two different guys. She needs to sit back and ask herself why her relationship of over a year is unsatisfactory to her because if she was satisfied she would not have had time for the muslim guy. She is focusing on religion but her problem is more than religion. In life there are no guarantees, butterflies and passions will eventually settle then the true relationship starts.

  19. B

    January 16, 2014 at 11:00 am

    TBH you can ask for all the advice in the world but the only person that can really give you a true answer is God himself. If you have a personal relationship with God you can talk to Him and He will give you the answers. The word says we have not because we ask not. Have you asked God to show you the way? God speaks to us in different ways – i.e audible voice (though rarely), through His word, through situations, that still small voice (knowing) etc. What does His word say about joining with unbelievers.?

    The thing I love about scripture is that it is so timely, it always applies and you can always find an answer in it.

    My opinion is not go there because although it may seem sweet now, i’m sure that things will change later i.e. religion wise, not him as a person because He could be the most wonderful person and treat you well, but what you may find is that because of both of your beliefs you will come to loggerheads. It may even be that he is fine with it, but family intervention could cause problems. TBH I do not know, all I know is that if you do not have peace never enter into any decision. In addition if you say you are a child of God and you desire to do something contrary to his will or word then it is a sign of disobedience and you deal with the consequences of such decision making.

    Pray, pray, pray!!!! 🙂

    • Tincan

      January 16, 2014 at 3:51 pm

      Agree in totality.

  20. Tee

    January 16, 2014 at 11:04 am

    Hello dear,Do not make the mistake of putting love first.If you doubt me ask ppl with at least 5yrs experience in marriage.Love is a good thing but it comes 2nd in marriage.God is what makes marriage work.Why? Because when u have issues in marriage,it could be emotional,financial,spiritual,it is God you call on and not LOVE,it is the fear God in you that would help make right decisions too.So tell me how can 2 walk unless they agree,even if one partner is down spiritually,it is easier to pray for the other for God to rekindle his fire in ur spouse life,but in a case where the religion is different,its impossible.In marriage there are lots of projects/decision you embark on that needs the help of the HolySpirit and prayer of agreement. Pls don’t get carried away that marriage is all about dinnerdates,cinemas,visiting friends,fairytale and parties.Look at it as a serious business for serious minded ppl,otherwise your preparation will determine the outcome.Pls read more,attend seminars so you hear true stories from ppl and how they deal with issues based on God’s word and finally makesure you attend counselling in church when you’ve made your decision.stay strong, focus and have a solid relationship with the Spirit of truth so He can direct.All will be well

  21. Juliet

    January 16, 2014 at 11:09 am

    Thank you Bella for launching this column. There are lots of unresolved emotional issues.

    Hello Miss,
    I personally think that when two different religions are involved (esp if both parties are really committed to their beliefs and ideals), the chance of having a happy family (which should be the issue here- marriage. I’m sure we’re not talking about playing around and the likes) is very slim. “A family that prays together stays together”. How do a muslim man and a christian woman (or vice versa) want to pray and stay together? You might say it’s possible, but when you’re both committed to your different beliefs, it can never be the same! There’ll be no spiritual connection. The implications of that are numerous and drastic. I’ll leave details for another day.
    What about your kids? Don’t you want to give them the opportunity of having a happy, stable home?
    It is also possible that this particular “christian” guy isn’t the right one for you. Pray deeply about it and listen to hear an answer from your spirit. It’ll come.
    Best of luck!
    whiteroses247.blogspot.com

  22. me

    January 16, 2014 at 11:14 am

    I was in these shoes once upon a time and believe me thank God I made the right choice. i had to pray and pray. Believe you me religion(what ever supreme power one believes in) plays a very big role in the persons life. Be sure you pple share the same ideals when it comes to religion, if not you might not be so happy. Every new relationship has a spark make sure its not the initial spark cos sister it will soon wane.

  23. Ejemen

    January 16, 2014 at 11:14 am

    As a true christian, marrying someone practicing a different religion will naturally not appeal to you. The bible has stated it clearly about being unequally yoked with an unbeliever. More so, how do you want to raise your kids if you and your husband don’t have the same belief. you should be familiar with this saying, ‘A family that prays together stays together. So sweetheart be wise, marry your christian and build a Godly home.

    • Ejemen O.

      January 16, 2014 at 11:16 am

      As a true christian, marrying someone practicing a different religion will naturally not appeal to you. The bible has stated it clearly about being unequally yoked with an unbeliever. More so, how do you want to raise your kids if you and your husband don’t have the same belief. you should be familiar with this saying, ‘A family that prays together stays together. So sweetheart be wise, marry your christian and build a Godly home.

  24. Jane Public

    January 16, 2014 at 11:19 am

    Religion is one of the strongest pillars of any relationship. Your God shall be my God and you give yourself at least a semblance of a chance when both of you work in Faith together. I am not here to hold one religion above the other but I am talking from a practical standpoint. Even something as basic as having one voice when praying together as a family unit you two will do it in different manner. The Lord is still The Lord and He hears everyone, whether Christian, Muslim, Buddhist and so on. He is available for all but there is that spiritual connection which you can strengthen when both of you are walking on the same path together. That holding of hands and speaking with one voice as a couple, there is a lot of power in that and strength you can draw from each other from that act alone. Now, look at when marital trials will come and trust me, they will come, when both of you can go together and draw strength, inpsiration and succour from your faith you guys are a team. Now that I know some may say that only applies when both of you are at the same level of spiritual maturity, nevertheless it is easy for one to pull the other up if they are speaking the same language. You hear people mention the power of a praying woman, story, you try the power of a praying couple and see wonders. This applies to all faiths, at least all faiths pray. Many inter faith marriages work no doubt, I can draw examples even from my circle, same way I can also draw examples where it didn’t work, especially when his family and his Alfas at the mosque get involved. My friend lost her only brother and a marriage that was exemplary and people envied went down the rocks. The guy died in such shocking circumstances, it is understandable that each parent moved closer to their faith, I guess to find answers and strength from that tragedy and that was the beginning of the end of the marriage. Someone who was fine with his wife going to church now kicked against her more frequent visits and prayer sessions, he stopped his children going to church, this was a man who used to drop and pick them up. Wahala started and long and short of the story, he now has a younger second wife from Ilorin who his family and his alfas brought. A once beautiful family has been severely torn apart jsut by one incident.

  25. Confuzzled

    January 16, 2014 at 11:23 am

    Religion is secondary to good character. Think well before you choose. Even Jesus said: Not every one who calls me Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven. Someone calling him/herself christian or muslim does not guarantee good character or good intentions. As Nigerians we should be the most cognizant of this reality; even as we are one of the most religious nations, corruption has permeated our culture from top to bottom. Remember that and choose wisely.

  26. Anonymous

    January 16, 2014 at 11:29 am

    I understand how you feel and being a christian yourself i would assume you know what the scriptures unequivocally say about this so i wont cite them again . However, although your religion may not be an issue now with him or his family, be rest assured it would be in the future; it may even be sooner than you expect, moreso when you both have kids. What then would be your kids religion? When you marry, the two of you become ONE, your husband becomes not just the physical head of the family but the spiritual head as well. There would definitely come a time when you’ll have to make a choice, for yourself and your kids about this , so for the sake of love, peace and to save your marriage are you ready to for go your current xtian values and the possibility of your kids growing up as muslims? The likely challenges if you choose otherwise?. So if your answers are what you can accept and live with now, then you’ve clearly made your choice. Stop thinking about today alone but the future as well and before you give your heart, use your head

  27. chic

    January 16, 2014 at 11:40 am

    OMG. this must be God speaking to me right here coz I am in the exact same situation, albeit at a loss for what to do. I am dating a Muslim guy; been dating him for a year; he isn’t Nigerian,and is of Christian and Muslim parenting. He is the true definition of a Good Person honestly! I knew from the start that I could definitely be with him forever. We intend not to live in Naija as we’re both in an international industry and he isn’t Nigerian(African though). However this year, I guess since its closer to us taking a decision, I am really scared and believe it might be better to end things simply because of religion. I have prayed and prayed and at a loss for what to do. Im from a strong Christian background. I need answers too!!

    • CarliforniaBawlar

      January 16, 2014 at 8:58 pm

      My two kobo to you. I think the word religion makes us put our guards up, either too high or too low even where common sense is very applicable…… especially when it’s between christianity and Islam. I’ve (almost) dated two guys in the past….one I later found out was a traditional worshipper…as in Ifa stuffs!! young guy, intellectual, crazy about me and all….but how do you marry (pun intended) a christian who (attempts to) communes closely with the Holy Spirit and whatever it is he was into? The second guy is a friend, we, in the words of Miss other religion have “mad connection’…my guy is in the grail movement. None of my friends/family would give either guys a thought, but if he were muslim, I may have been advised differently. This may be because christianity and Islam are both Abrahamic religions. But my dear there is a great divide!! If you are truly christian, then you believe Christ is the son of God who died for your sins and is there was no more work with regards salvation after he sent the Holy Spirit. Now, on your boyfriends part, I’m not very conversant with the Islamic faith, but I know two things for sure, they belief 1,Christ is only a prophet 2, Muhammed is a even greater prophet and of cause the last true prophet. The only way forward is if your were a mere church-goer and never really believed in any of the fundamentals of the christian faith anyways. You see how I didn’t lead you to assume your boyfriend may be a “mosque-goer” ?? that’s because I am yet to met one in all my life!! Muslims take their stuff seriously (and that is a compliment!!).
      What we fail to see is that the Bible is written for us out of love and a lot of common sense.
      If the bible says don’t be equally yoked, do we even know what a yoke is?? If two oxens (or two different animals sef) where tied together to move some load on a farm and one is smaller than the other, one is going to suffer and whatever task they were going to achieve would not be accomplished.
      If the Bible says/asks, how can two walk together unless they agree?? This is a call to use our brains I believe….to actually imagine two people walking down a long-a** road like marriage without being in agreement ……irrespective of religion, I believe we all agree that marriage is a walk.
      Life is HARD!! I think thats why God created marriage, to have that one person with you through it all. A lot of men don’t reach that age where they start to reach for that supreme power until mid-life, when life starts to kick them in the butt. And when they do, don’t assume they would default to their wife’s God/beliefs.
      Our major problem is we assume marriage is for maybe 10-15 years tops. Your are likely to stay married for almost 50years..Life is long!!Be careful what choice you make…. you may be around for a very long time to suffer the consequences!

    • looters

      January 17, 2014 at 2:17 pm

      I was also with someone in the grail movement. I didn’t really know the impact of religious difference till I met him. There is no reasoning with those people. I think the differences in there beliefs is even greater compared with a muslim’s

  28. Tee

    January 16, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    My dear listen to good counsel and let God be your deciding factor. When you talk about life partner you need a helper someone that can force you to pray or pray for you when you don’t feel like, someone that can fast and pray with you when to strengthen you when you are believing for something concerning your lives. knowing that in a marriage troubles would definitely come how do you plan to handle this issues when your religions tell you differently. his religion is permitting him to marry another wife if he believes he can love and protect her while your own religion is admonishing the husband to be patient and loving to his own wife. so like other commentators have said, do not think about the present think about the future. And just so you know once you are married and he is fasting you cannot cook for him because you are not Muslim, you are seen as ‘unclean’ when you have babies be rest assured that before the Alfa comes to bless that child you shall be converted. So think well and if you feel God’s presence is leading you there then God be with you.

    • Easy n Gentle

      January 16, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      Ma’am, i think this is a lie and mis-information. You are allowed to cook for your husband and you do not need to be converted before your child is named. Kindly confirm reports before you believe them

  29. Easy n Gentle

    January 16, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    Let me you give perspective. My father is a muslim, my mother a christian. Both are not overtly religious and my father comes from a very mixed family, religious-wise. Inter-religious marriage is littered everywhere in my father’s family. While growing up, my father would wake us up for dawn prayers whenever he was in the mood to attend, and on sundays, my mother will take us to church (Methodist). They didn’t have much problems until i was about 10years old. I recollect that whenever we attended mosque with my father, some elders at the mosque would tease my father endlessly about how he had a ‘church-goer’ for a wife. Eventually, i think the pressure got to him and he started to insist mum go to mosque. She never did. Genesis of a few quarrel. She stopped church-going every sunday to save face for my father, who was quite popular in the area,but was still a christian. I remember on several occassions in the middle of the night, i’d wake up and find her praying, often all through the night. During the Ileya festivals (Big Muslim Festival), she did follow us to the praying ground and learnt how to do the ablution since ileya was a family festival. She never did beyond that. She also participated in the Ileya cooking. What they resolved was, no one was going to impose any religion on the children. No one ever did. If you ask my brothers and I today, they’d tell you we are muslims but none of really goes to mosque more than once a year; we are not christians though. Religion is not a big deal to us, just be upright. I experimented with both religion while growing up, I finished the bible twice (always skipped revelations though, was too scary), never learnt arabic and my father never married another wife. He was from a polygamous home and always insisted he doesn’t want what he went through for his children. Today, we are all doing fine!!! They’ve known each other close to 30years now

    • Jane Public

      January 16, 2014 at 1:04 pm

      the overall summary of your comment can be said in one word. Liberal or as you put it overtly religious. Your parents were Liberal Muslim and Liberal Christians. Not to chastise them or anything, far from it but in that situation such relationships/marriage works. It worked for my friend’s family for almost 29 years until tragedy happened and both stopped being Liberal. The minute one or both parties start to take their religion really seriously cracks will appear. The Liberal Muslim today, may not be the easy going Liberal tomorrow and trust me, when that switch happens, the man who let you do what you like, let your kids go to church, even give them money for tithe and offerings, take them to church and drop them off, allow prayer meetings to be held in his house will put a stop to it so fast, your head will spin. I just repeated what happened to my friend and her father. In some cases, tragedy doesn’t even need to happen for them to have a spiritual epiphany and you know a strong spirikoko religious Christian whether late in life finding Jesus again or not and a strong spirikoko Muslim cannot see things eye to eye, marriage or not. In our society where the man calls the shots, I will say Caveat Emptor

    • ZDA

      January 16, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      My parents are in this scenario. Muslim and Christain. They have lived togehter for more than 33 years. They have never had any major issue/ quarrel. Infact, regarding religion, the only quarrel was when my dad took my mom’s bible to be changed to hard cover so as to preserve it, and the person took a while to bind it, my mum vexed no be small!! Lol. We were never forced to choose a religion and accross the extended family, we have muslims and christains. My dad always say, dont use religion to judge a persons character and goes on to use our neighbour as the example. They are of the same faith, They hold hands and pray every night and morning albiet very loudly. My dad has had to separate them from serious fights severally to the extend he does not interfare anymore. Bottom line is this, Character is the most important thing men!! You guys saying she should marry the christain even though she doesnt love him are giving an unjust advice. She will remain miserable before their 1 year anniversary even in the mist of all the holding hands to pray as one. and might subsequently cheat on him. Those saying another will come, i laugh in exoctic french!! i see. The girl i used to date broke up with me cos i am muslim and her friends think it is not right. She was really in love with me but urged me to go get a muslim girl. O well! when she heard i was getting married, she called me and was begging and all that. nna, i didn’t answer her. she doesn’t know her priorities. Said, she haven’t found a guy with my qualities and not willing to settle for less. too bad is all i can. So all the ‘pastor’ dating her dont have my quality. She is still single and very unhappy even to date. i dont pick her calls anymore. Her friend who is also a friend feeds her about my family’s success and growth and how radiant my wife is. She is not a very happy babe right now! i tell ya. sorry guys, a good man is all that matters after all. a good man will stand his ground no matter what. all this praying togehter thingy, na wash men!!

    • jcsgrl

      January 16, 2014 at 3:43 pm

      Can I just say I love you…kpom kwem. Infact you have summarized everything for her. bottom line like @anemistlye said if s**t hits the fan, is one person ready to convert? Inter religious marriage can only when the two people are very liberal and not deep into religion. If you cannot see yourself converting or him converting to yours, nne take a walk.

    • Jane Public

      January 16, 2014 at 4:36 pm

      ZDA, where did i say she should marry the Christian. In this argument, against the muslim guy does not mean she should marry the christian guy she is clearly unhappy with.

  30. Mariaah

    January 16, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    My dear like I always say to people when it comes to difference in faith and relationships no one else can be like my father, so don’t try it. You see, my father was one of those liberal Muslims. Calm, non-judgemental, allowed my mum and all my siblings be Christians willingly. My parents argued that I can say but I am not sure if I ever heard anything about whether or not we would practise Islam as a religion.

    Without much ado, girl if you really think you understand this Man go on but what I want to ask is why are you with one person and liking another person? Make up your mind, choose one and if indeed you choose the Muslim guy, good luck.

    Men have always bee domineering since the days of old and till this day. I tell you, most Muslim Men will not allow his wife to go with her faith.

    As for me, I won’t because my BF/Fiancee/Husband has to have accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour.

  31. sassycassie

    January 16, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    He might not be overly religious now. But what happens down the line when he decieds he wants to get serious with Islam? Would he and his family still be ok with being christian?

  32. Theresa

    January 16, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    Marriage is far more than feelings. It’s good to pray for God to help you choose well, but sometimes HE answers our prayers by giving us common sense. Make a list of pros and cons of each of your boyfriends, and be truthful. The one who has more pros is obviously the sensible choice for you. Also the person you have peace about is the right one. You clearly don’t have peace about the Muslim dude, or else you won’t be asking for help. Don’t get married just because of the way a man makes you feel. Once again marriage is more than feelings, it is a well-informed decision.

  33. Ashanti

    January 16, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    nna nehn see as we dey turn the word of God/bible upside down…..this God sef im never suffer enough for us? suffering all those humiliations and dying on the cross now making him sound like its his fault he did…….make una no make God mad jor

  34. Sunshine

    January 16, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    My darling, I have to be harsh as I am speaking from experience. Infact too many experiences…..DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT !!!!!!!
    Marriage is a journey that two people “hold hands together” and embark on. How do you pray and agree on difficult situations. Forget civilisation, westernisation and advancement. It matters a hell lot. Am so sorry honey but butterflies won’t be there 5 – 10 years down the line.

  35. Angel

    January 16, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    Marriage is a different ball game dear, forget butterflies in the stomach excitement and emotions, trust me u need more than that in marriage. For marriage to work, it’s very important that
    The two people involved have the same or nearly same ideals, mindset and goals for the future.
    Doubt this? look for couples that have been married for years say like ten years and ask them.

  36. Charis

    January 16, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    I understand your plight dear. know how many relationships I’ve turned down because of this reason. I won’t start what I know I can’t finish well.. I LOVE Jesus too much biko

  37. dp

    January 16, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    Please dont go ahead with it, there is much more to
    marriage than love or how he makes you feel

  38. Grown Woman

    January 16, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    This inter religion rships always have challenges im not saying same religions are perfect but my point is this muslim guy might agree to all your requests, but once you get into marriage, you will see his true colors and thats where all the wahala will start. so i suggest consult your God and even do Novena(prayers that are said for nine straight day ask God to show you the right path.Nothing is impossible to our God.Wish you luck dear…

  39. Fountain of Paper

    January 16, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    I have a genuine issue which has arisen as a result of all the comments I have read above.

    I’m getting the vibe that there’s a certain chip on the shoulders of the people who quote this ‘unequally yoked’ passage. While I am not saying it was not written in the Bible, my concern lies with the subjective nature of the term ‘equality’.

    For instance, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Catholics, 7th Day Adventists… all Christians right? Based on this “I’m not a Muslim and I’m not a ‘pagan’ so I’m a Christian” presupposition. Now, if the argument is that marrying a Christian means there’s a certain “unity” and “we can pray together”, how do Catholics and Witnesses’ pray together? If a Deeper Lifer (if that’s how they’re called) marries a 7th Day Adventist adherent, where is the ‘Unity in Prayer’? They don’t even believe in the same things!! What are we talking about?

    Second issue: This idea that polygamy is the worst thing that can happen to you or that it is within the exclusive arena of Muslims needs to really stop. I have LOADS of family friends and relatives who are Muslims and have been in monogamous relationships for decades!

    OJB– the Celebrity Beggar as he likes to be called has 3 wives… Is he a Muslim? Let’s look at some of your grandparents…(some of you are offsprings of 3rd and 4th wives oh… don’t lie) They’re esteemed elders in the Anglican, Methodist and Baptist churches… yes… they are Christians. So what are you guys saying?

    Young lady with the question, do whatever your heart tells you to do. Go and meet trusted and wise elders in your family for advice. How do you expect strangers to give you advice based on their own situation? Look at it this way, if you make a mistake (it won’t kill you to do… we all do) then you see it as a learning curve. Is it every John, Mark, Jonathan (yes, your guy with the hat and Etibo) that is a Christian? I mean, true in heart and spirit? Please darling, you know the truth that lies at the heart of your dilemma. Look at it square in the face and you will be fine.

    • pretty mamma

      January 17, 2014 at 9:35 pm

      This comment makes so much sense!

  40. gistonice

    January 16, 2014 at 3:51 pm

    Dear Miss Different Religion. My advice? DO NOT GO THAT JOURNEY. I have witnessed such inter religious marriages built on false hope..forget that the family is nice to you now..when that time reach them go clean face..they will not rest till they have you converted into their religion (except you are okay with that), or have their son eventually marry a woman who’s on their side (same religion)..and of course your beloved husband will be on their side because he would have no choice!

    When the Bible says marry in the Lord, it knows FULLY WELL what it is saying..not just to be biased, but because of the division involved in marrying someone who does not share your faith, what will happen when you start bringing up your kids? what faith would you rather have them embrace? I’m not trying to criticize any religion here but we have to be realistic with issues like this. Don’t let what you are feelings now over cloud your present judgement.

    On your other boyfriend..if you sincerely feel you do not feel something deep for him, then i’ll advice you take time to re-analyse the relationship..in marriage you’ll have to withstand a lot of things..and sadly things crumble when you don’t feel something deeply enough for your partner to help you withstand such storms.

  41. gistonice

    January 16, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    Dear Miss Different Religion. My advice? DO NOT GO THAT JOURNEY. I have witnessed such inter religious marriages built on false hope..forget that the family is nice to you now..when that time reach them go clean face..they will not rest till they have you converted into their religion (except you are okay with that), or have their son eventually marry a woman who’s on their side (same religion)..and of course your beloved husband will be on their side because he would have no choice!

    When the Bible says marry in the Lord, it knows FULLY WELL what it is saying..not just to be biased, but because of the division involved in marrying someone who does not share your faith, what will happen when you start bringing up your kids? what faith would you rather have them embrace? I’m not trying to criticize any religion here but we have to be realistic with issues like this. Don’t let what you are feelings now over cloud your present judgement.

    On your other boyfriend..if you sincerely feel you do not feel something deep for him, then i’ll advice you take time to re-analyse the relationship..in marriage you’ll have to withstand a lot of things..and sadly things crumble when you don’t feel something deeply enough for your partner to help you withstand such storms.

  42. gistonice

    January 16, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    In the end it is still left for you to make the decision.its your life after all

  43. larz

    January 16, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    Let’s get practical
    If you are a saver will you marry a big spender/ wasteful person?
    If you value education, will you value one who doesn’t?
    If you value hard work, will you marry a lazy person?
    If you are an OCD clean freak, will you marry someone that is very comfortable sitting in filth?
    If you are selfish, will you marry one that gives so freely, one that is very charitable?
    If you love your parents and they are very important to you, to the point that they influence your every decision (rightfully or wrongfully so), will you marry one that hates them?
    If you love God so much that he is the most important thing/ person in your life, so much that every part of your life is committed to him, mind, body, soul, finances and all that is entrusted into you in his hands, will you be willing to marry someone that is against this principle.

  44. Arin

    January 16, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    There are no inbetweens with this issue. What does your bible say? Shikena that answers your question. Can two walk together except they agree? Do not be unequally yoked… Am quoting the scripture because she claims to be a good Christian. Am not being religious here o. The truth is the truth no matter how hard. The WORD is the truth .

  45. erica

    January 16, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    When the bible says, can two walk together except they agree? That statement doesn’t only apply to religion alone but to all aspects of life. My dear, we have the Holy Spirit for a reason. Talk to Him, He will tell you what to do. Even in Christianity, you can be unequally yoked.

    For example, you might meet a Christian man that doesn’t see anything wrong in beating his wife, and you believe that is disrespectful, that right there is unequally yoked. Even Pentecostal and Catholics have different belief systems. Pents pray through Jesus to God, Catholics believe in praying through His mother Mary. To me, that is unequal yoke right there. If as a Christian, you believe in wearing makeup and pants, you can’t marry another Christian from Deeper Life. They don’t believe in that, and that right there is unequal.

    Go to the Holy Spirit. This is a sensitive matter and shouldn’t be up to public forums to decide for you.

    Good luck sister

  46. Gina

    January 16, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    The choice truly lies with you my dear girl.

    Marriage is not an easy thing whether you are of the same religion or not, it can however be the best thing in the world if you have understanding and trust.

    Please do not be discouraged by the religious bigotry going on, on the topic. I have known people who have been married for years (inter-faith) and are happier than those that got married because of religion (it will be one of your biggest mistakes if you sacrifice happiness for this).

    Before you commit to yourselves be sure that this is what you really want, discuss all things that might become an issue, such as Faith of the Children, Dealing with Extended Family, Prayers, Festive Seasons amongst others and most importantly be open with each-other.

    I am quite disappointed at most of the comments going on, we talk about religious tolerant all the time, yet we are quick to judge, mistrust and advise our sisters or brothers to choose unhappiness because of intolerance and refusal to understand people of other faith.

    My dear sister be wise and remember whether you marry a Muslim or Christian, marriage is a school and can only be passed by patience, understanding, trust, unreserved love and faith.

    Yes passion is Important… take it from someone who knows

  47. Light Angel

    January 16, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    Your body is the temple of the holyspirit 1Corinthians 6:19,
    You are to honour God with your body by keeping it holy and with your husband in holy matrimony. How can marriage with an unbeliving/unsaved husband be holy? If that marriage is meant to be, and you are truely led by the holy spirit, he will be converted to Christ before you get married to him. Otherwise its a recipe for disaster! If you marry him and 4 years down the line he wants to marry wife number2,3 and 4 because he is “very succesfull” and can Love the equally(Yeah Right!) – Dont start praying and fasting to God for solution. Listen to that still calm voice, it wont lie to you, you already know the right thing to do.

  48. ij

    January 16, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    well i know a christian friend of mine who was dating a Muslim man , they dated for 3years , he actually converted to xtianity when love was shacking him before they got married, they were my fast forward 6 years, alarm bells started ringing when he was using style to grow his goatee, started hanging around one so called “uncle” who was an alfa.
    After fighting tire about his refusal to go to service or partake in their usual church activities , he told her point blank he had converted back to his former religion and that he wanted their son to now be raised as a Muslim, long story short they are divorced.
    All i can say is be careful, lest you bury yourself alive.

  49. ij

    January 16, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    well i know a christian friend of mine who was dating a Muslim man , they dated for 3years , he actually converted to xtianity when love was shacking him before they got married, they were my “LOVE CAN CONQUER ALL CHAMPION”.
    Fast forward 6 years, alarm bells started ringing when he was using style to grow his goatee, started hanging around one so called “uncle” who was an alfa.
    After fighting tire about his refusal to go to service or partake in their usual church activities , he told her point blank he had converted back to his former religion and that he wanted their son to now be raised as a Muslim, long story short they are now divorced.
    All i can say is be careful, lest you bury yourself alive.

  50. NNENNE

    January 17, 2014 at 2:13 am

    And sometimes we mix up infatuation with true love.

  51. Firstlaydeee

    January 17, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    Do what you feel is right and what would benefit you . Most people think about the whole religion thing . If you feel he makes you happy go for it . I understand your problem I’m a Muslim and my boyfriend is Christian , we have strong feelings for each other but we know we have to discuss this in great detail one day , I know he is the right guy and ticks every single box there is. I don’t want to change my religion and I’ve told him that. So ask your man where you stand if you get married, because some people pretend its all cool and the minute u get married they force their beliefs on you . Who knows one day you might wake up and feel the need or want or want to convert, and he might feel the same. Its all about timing. Another thing I would say is show him how serious you are about your religion . My Grandfather converted to Islam after 25 years of marriage , it took him that long , because my grandma stood her ground and went for what she believed in. So think properly and in great detail before you make a decision , this is the man you want to spend your future with.

  52. folashade

    January 17, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    just follow your mind and make your self happy with which ever decision u take

  53. looters

    January 17, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    I have been in this situation, he wasn’t muslim but we didn’t have the same beliefs either. It all boils down to the both of you and your families. Have you talked with the muslim guy to voice out your fears? This poses a problem if the both of you feel strongly about your faith rather than living a healthy loving life. If you guys are liberal and intelligent enough to see the bigger picture outside of religion, including your families (because let’s face it, your families have to be on the same page as you guys) then you are good to go. Do not rush it, take things slowly in trying to figure out how things will work for the both of you. For those saying suppose he becomes stern in the future and insists on his faith and his faith alone, I know a couple of Christian couples who had the same belief prior to marriage and 10yrs down the line, one of them converted to a weird religion and all hell broke lose. Discuss it with him and discuss it with your family and make sure you take your time, there is no rush.

  54. curious cat

    January 17, 2014 at 2:01 pm

    on the last day when we get to heaven who will stand for each other?
    what ever makes you happy forget all these unequally yoked sermon, you enter the same bus with sinners, go to the same school, shop in the same market during Christmas you share food to you Muslim neighbors and during sallah when they give you food you collect then tell me how yoked can you be more than this
    if a man has good character then go for him because when you are married the true color of both parties will show

  55. Chu-Chu

    January 17, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    @Fountain of Paper, your comment was the most realistic comment ever. Madam asking the question, be very logical in your analysis, weigh your pro’s and cons and be ready to deal with or enjoy the consequences of your actions.
    Do what ever makes you happy!!!!

  56. Donthavetimeforrubbish.

    January 17, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    *sigh*…I told my Pastor last year that the girl who I have feelings for is a devoted Muslim and he told me point blank that I shouldn’t try it,other church peeps have said No,that I shouldn’t even venture into such a dalliance with her no matter how much we love ourselves. But with all these peeps saying “NO”, they forget that I am a human being with feelings, and right now my feelings for her are at an all-time high. People will say, “haven’t you looked well in the church of GOD”, the thing is I have,at least I have tried and so far, the christian babes are either boring me or pissing me off.I have not seen a christian babe that has managed to capture my attention and my heart the way this babe has done, we have both found it hard to just ignore ourselves to the point where we decided not to keep in touch ever again, it never worked.Frankly I am getting sick and tired of it, so I have vowed to see this friendship to a logical conclusion that will make GOD and both of us happy this year 2014.

  57. Frances Okoro

    January 17, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    I hope this helps, check on inthe at inthemidstofher.com
    She has written on this before and is also very open,you can talk to her and she will try her best to help you to walk in God’s light concerning this.
    I really hope you make the right decision.*hugs*

  58. Toks

    January 18, 2014 at 12:24 am

    Kai see advice! Don’t go for it, sparks will disappear down the line but it won’t disappear in same religion marriage abi. He doesn’t believe in Jesus, he needs to accept Jesus. We Muslims believe in Jesus (PBUH}. We believe he’s coming back but don’t pray to him. We pray to ALLAH.

    And if you marry your Xtian guy and he starts beating you down the line, abi no b same religion marriage be Titi. There are so many problems in marriages now a days but we fail to acknowledge it .

    My stance on this I don’t care who you end up with as long as you’re happy full stop. Even we wey don marry for 8 years sometimes get problem. Who am I to judge? Marriage is not something to be taken lightly . Open your eyes well well. The only thing wey go vex me is if you raise your kids unislamically but I no go blame you na ur husby I go blame.

  59. B

    January 19, 2014 at 1:00 am

    Girl, am in your shoes. Am a muslim married to a christian
    guy $ we have been together for over four years. There are no
    guarantees in marriage, dat is y you have to be wise$ logical too.
    Every member of my family was against the union, but I stood my
    ground( even though, I was scared shitless) . I go to church with
    him, he comes to mosque with me $ when d children grow up they can
    choose their faith. Our home is filled with love, laughter $ joy.
    Only YOU know what you want, Only YOU know who u can live with. Do
    what makes you happy girl, in the end , it is everyone for
    herself.

  60. AB

    January 20, 2014 at 10:11 am

    I had to bring my aunt into this discussion and this is what she said!
    “Shebi u know how long i was with Shuaib before i finally married him?we met when i was 17years,we were neighbours and family friends infact!until we decided to get married.i was ready to marry him when i became 24 and we didn’t get married till i was 30!my dad was an elder and he wouldnt give his blessings,but Shuaib is my other half.he stil gives me butterflies!my blood brothers who are his close friends advised him tot

  61. AB

    January 20, 2014 at 10:19 am

    leave me.even they couldnt understand why he was stil holding on.his sisters would come and throw my things out of his house n he would just take them back in.2002 my dad finally said we could,we got married in a week!we were scared he would change his mind!fastforward 2006,my dad was so sick,all his xtian soninlaws were just sending money but my hubby drove to the village and brought my dad ro stay in our home.he made sure baba had the best care and my dad just called me one night and asked me if i was happy,i answered yes and he ask

  62. AB

    January 20, 2014 at 10:33 am

    me to call my hubby and we both knelt down and he blessed my marriage.he prayed so much for my hubby dat tears was running down my eyes.dis man is a muslim but he loves me as Christ said we should luv our brethren.our kids are super,infact they dont understand why so much hatred in religion!my first son would always wonder if God was so merciful,why do we give judgement on His behalf?i stil go to church and i take my kids!dey go to the mosque with their dad too.and they are not confused and i am stil the happiest woman in the world!!!”
    their marriage is benchmark for me wen dating any guy.i watch out 4 spirituality and values as against religion and behavior.i wuld rather marry a xtian dat fears and luvs God than be with a muslim dat visits a marabout to take any decision in his life!

  63. AB

    January 20, 2014 at 10:46 am

    and i am currently dating a xtian and i am not one bit scared!!!we luv and respect each other.infact during ramadan,he gives me prayer points!we pray and fast together sef!!!we have decided to go through life together bcecause we believe we’ll be better knowing we have each other!he is my biggest supporter and he luvs my son(i had him 4 a muslim!).

  64. AB

    January 20, 2014 at 10:48 am

    i have known him 4 10years but i didnt take him seriously,i was searching 4 a muslim!!!but i know better nw!

  65. mia

    January 20, 2014 at 11:05 am

    in the end, the final decision is yours. what do you picture your family to be like? is it the family where you wake up, have morning devotion together, whisper into your spouse’s ears while in a religious gathering or where you want him to drop you off in in church while he goes to do his Nasfat things. it’s your choice, so choose.

    i once dated a guy from a muslim turned Celestial background who has a totally wacked idea of religion. he just lives his life, no church, no reading of any religious literature, no God, no prayers. meanwhile, his folks are elders in the celestial church. i realised that while i loved him so much and would like to marry him, the relationship drew me farther away from God. he would drop me off in church and come pick me up, if i had a challenge then and needed someone to agree with me in prayers, he wasn’t just an option. i also realised that he attends celestial church whenever he is with his folks, so i borrow myself brain. i thought about in-laws bringing candles, burning incense an wearing white garments in my house and i realised it won’t be me, so i called it off.

    i’m married to a man who emcourages me to be a better person, we fast and pray on a monthly basis and i don’t need to tell you the progress our lives have made since we met. so it’s your choice to decide on the tyoe of life you want to live.

    may you find peace with your decision.

  66. Ruby

    January 20, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    Do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. Selah

  67. neola

    January 23, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    Na wa o..seems like all the christians on this site believe that their religion is the right oneor superior and that marrying a muslim is against God’s principle, a sin and an act of being unequally yoked bla, bla, bla….. Geez such myopic views sha…and i am christian by the way. Its just that i think having a background knowledge of the two religions will give you an open and liberal mind. I was born into a muslim family and now im christian and married to a christian who would have converted me anyway if i wasnt converted before we married. I seem not to understand the real conflict in these religions but personal and cultural differences honestly. Plus i know that God is not an author of confusion, there is a reason for Christianity, Islam and Judaism and i doubt ardent followers of these three respective faiths will go to hell according the three religious preachers.Its funny because we all live on earth feeling like because we can quote religious books we are following the right religion. My take on this, there is no right or wrong, these are just different ways of getting to the Father. Anyhow sweetheart
    its just that the tribalism and religious differences in Nigeria really limit us and our views of life. Please pray and do what makes you happy ojare. After all Fasola nd his wife still dey go strong abeg.

  68. Jesus baby

    February 11, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    Sorry for the long epistle but just to explain clearly

    Woooaa so many comments. Well done to everyone who has given a contribution in one way or another. It shows you care. My contribution is based on my personal research and account I started some few years ago for myself not to tell people or use it to show people that I know more than them. I genuinely wanted to know the truth and was tired of all the confusion and what people said. Am not saying this to hurt anyone. I love Muslims, Buddhist, Christians and everyone as I got to understand that God genuinely loves people and when I mean love not the one we experience in human relationships with boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, children or family. His love will knock you out of your elements if you experience it. I use the word experience because there are those who know it based on reading and those who have experienced it based on experience the same way you experience love in your heart when you are in relationship with someone.
    My quest to know God based on me knowing the right path to follow in life resulted in deep research and reading refusing to believe him based on what people have said.
    I honedtly wanted to know about God for myself and decided to read the Bible. I made up my mind to not read it without any baias or prejudice or skepticism or criticism. I realised that if I wanted to understand the Bible I needed to read it like a child with a open heart. I researched the origins of the Bible, the original languages in Greek and Hebrew, the origin of the English language and how English has transformed over time. The different translations and their sources. I was on a quest to seek God and did so with all of my heart and spent my time doing so.
    Am still on the journey as it never ends as it’s a journey of life.
    I found out that the book was written out of love as someone said and God exposed himself and his character in that book.
    Getting to the new testament I realised that Jesus Christ is actually God who came in a human Form because he loves everyone so much and people don’t even understand this love that is why many people find it to believe that Jesus Christ is God. And that he actually the only way to prevent the whole of human beings going to Hell because Satan is bent on making sure everyone gets there as once you are there you cannot come out.
    Am not trying by all means to say Christianity is the best religion. The truth is that it is not a religion.
    for the Bible recorded that Jesus never sinned and if Jesus never sinned then when he said he is lord and equal with God and he is the only way to God then he never lied. It is Jesus who said he came from heaven and he will go back to heaven. It is Jesus who said that God is one and exit in 3 persons. GOD, JESUS AND THE HOLY SPIRIT that they are all one and have different functions but do not do things independent of each other. It
    He said that he is the only way he never said he is one of the ways and he ascended to heaven and no one enters heaven with sin. Jesus Christ is alive right now and in heaven and he is the one to judge the world.
    The holy spirit Jesus said would come came on the day of pentecost. Jesus explained that the holy spirit cannot be seen and is not a physical person and the holy spirit answers to only to the name of Jesus Christ. So Jesus is the last Adam who paid for what the first adam did. So now it is up to people to find God for themselves and receive what Jesus did.

    And God created marriage and marriage is meant to reflect how we are United with God but people have deflected from his instructions that is why marriage looks like a failed institution because if God gives rules on how something should be done and you don’t do it that way you give Satan the chance to take over. Whether you let him unconsciously or consciously.

  69. Dami

    February 21, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    Seriously, religion is so delicate, some of u talk lyk u dnt av muslim frnds, or only muslims marry more dan 1 wife, or only xtains will make heaven, I av an uncle who is a xtain nd married 5 wives, a cousin of mine 2 married a muslim girl nd forces her 2 go 2 church. I think dis girl shld jst pray nd follow her heart.

  70. tonitaj

    February 25, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    When making life decisions, you shouldn’t base it on religion. You are a woman first and foremost and being in a relationship/marriage with a man who doesn’t excite you will make you think of either suicide or murder.

    Remember that easy communication + plenty of sex =long lasting relationship.

  71. RUN GURL

    January 15, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    hmmmm if u read this i have only 1 advice for u…..RUN

  72. chekwube

    December 31, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    If you’re ordinary church goer,you can go ahead but if your are Real born-again christian you can’t be asking this question .thanks

  73. ib

    March 9, 2016 at 10:13 pm

    Nawa o…when I hear about this religion differences I bet confused and even ask whc one is one sef? At times I don’t blame whites wit their thinking… Human beings mks one question if there is God…I am a Muslim n I blv in God but d one thing that baffle me about this religion differences is that…God created all of us then why would one be saying this religion is best this one is this and that….I blv we re all equal in His eyes and all u guys saying run run run… If only any of u guys can com out and say its only Christians da re in heaven! Or just Muslims! If u any of u can say they have been to heaven and its only Christians da re there…I face this similar issh right now….I have been with just a girl a christain girl for 6 years now and seriously we have had our ups n dwn but blv me if u hear out story u wud think we re just made from heaven togeda….same department to same state of Nysc to same platoon to same ppa…. Asin funny n to God we nv work any of this…but now she sed she just realized she can’t marry me…I feel the pain lk I don’t kn…her reasons her so logical but I surely blv the future is longer than now and blv me religion is not key to a happy home….happy home lies inside u shikena…..when I hear about this religion stuff…its not so fair I mean if God is there up there and this happens BTW us humans toh whc one is real now? As a Muslim am confused cause I don’t think God said marry just a christain u kn or muslim…and u get things wrong cause ure not open minded… Quarantine said u shud marry a believer and when u say somtn unequally yoked …so that means ur christain fellow n Muslims re non blva and ur president Na Muslim n VP christain rullin us….pls let’s grow up and stop twisting this words of God….its bad….husband and wife be it christain or Muslim or same faith heaven no sure for any of me then why doin all kill ursef over this? I think we shud have a rethink and approach to our ways of thinking… U can be religious n not Godly…that’s ure a church goer or mosque goer but u don’t follow His words…asin doin the right thing….there is no magic in life…God looks into our heart ni…and again there is differenc btw bin Godly and bin religious and differences btw religion and God. Only God knows His people…#word…so listen to ur heart if u live him well build home with humans that’s if u kn he does too cause mehn things changes o when marriage Don set in…..think well and consider the odds well…ask ursef questions lk what’s ur own definiton of marriage? What would make u happy? Set aside religion first…God bless us all…I am in the same shoe ooooo and I don’t wan loose her

  74. Anon

    June 2, 2016 at 5:59 pm

    First of all, you don’t KNOW, you believe. God Knows!!!
    Next, from a true perspective, if you can have such deep feelings for someone else after being with your beau for a year, you should let him go, lest you find yourself wandering after you are married.

    And as for you new heartthrob. You’ve known him how long? This connection thing I keep hearing and then not too long down the line, true colors are revealed. Be sure he’s not a bushwhacker. Have you discussed the issue of religion change or is he just silent on the matter?
    What of the issue of other wives? Where does he actually stand on that, will he use the fact that he’s a Muslim to claim he has a right to take more (even though I’m told by some Muslims that Islam doesn’t actually say so or says if you can love them all, equally, which we know is so not humanly possible save for you love none of them at all).

    Affairs of the heart are not easy t decide and especially not who one should set off to spend the rest of ones life with.

    You have asked for advice, so, after the bit of background and some advice therein, here’s my take:

    Don’t settle, it’s not worth it. Especially since you might, just after settling, meet “The One” and then be looking for an out clause or be miserable.

    Is there really a “One”?

    Marry a friend, one that you can laugh with, that you can trust – for real (how do you know? Open your eyes, love is not blind – infatuation no see road, check out responses and attitudes especially concerning things not connected to you.

    Talk about things, your deep convictions, openly. Know how each persons beliefs affect the other. Remember, it’s not just about you being happy with him or he being perfect for you. It must be same the other way round.

    Don’t rush into anything. that’s never a good thing.

    Again, remember, you don’t want a marriage that feels like a life sentence. you want one that like you’ve said is a growth and development vehicle for you both and the children you bring to this world, and your families and your community and the world.

    All the best in your choice and life. It is good that you are giving it adequate thought and consideration.

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