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Frances Okoro: My Cooking Skills Do Not Define Me



I used to have a very sharp and acidic tongue when I was younger. I could go off on crazy roll when anything got on my nerves-just prepare to be assaulted with big words. As I grew older and subsequently gave my life to Christ, however, everything changed. I am now more for diplomacy, tact and respect. And that is why even if what I am writing about now makes me want to fly off the handle sometimes, I am going to put my somewhat controversial views across with as much tact as I can muster.

There’s a joke flying around the Internet right now. It goes like this – “You are 25 and you can’t cook, you can’t wash clothes, you can’t clean and you want a man to love you for who you are. Who are you really?

Some laugh when they see this but I don’t. I think it’s absolutely degrading to say the least. Why would the whole essence of a person be predicated on whether she can clean or not?

Now before I go on and before anyone gets the wrong ideas, I must say that I started cooking in junior secondary class 2. I can toast a very bad chicken stew when needed and I launder my clothes myself so this has nothing to do with the fact that I am defective in home making skills.

So I also had a Twitter conversation with someone on the above issue last year and it seemed really offensive to me then and still does.
Why would anyone want to ascribe value on someone based on just their home making skills? What about their talents? What about their loving and kind hearts? What about the fact that they have touched so many lives?
Why would the basis of their existence be relegated to just the fact that they can clean really good? What about the fact that some women just don’t enjoy cooking? What about the fact that some grew up in dysfunctional homes and their mothers were not home to train them up in home making skills?

And what about the fact that some women are not just interested in marriage and having someone to launder their clothes, tidy up their apartment while they pursue their career is good enough for them?
We have to understand that people were raised differently and that what someone wants maybe a whole lot different from what another person needs.

I have brothers and friends and I know the chores deemed to be for men but the men are not measured based on whether they can wash a car are they? They aren’t measured based on whether they can change a light bulb.
Some are so skinny and can’t even lift up a hammer to hit a nail or do any of the things that the manpower of men require… but despite this, none of them are judged based on their lack of manly home skills.

The double standards should stop.

Yes, I aim to be a virtuous woman. Yes, I have home making skills and I yearn to even learn more of them. But the line should be drawn. The entirety of who a woman is isn’t the fact that she can cook and clean. It isn’t the fact that she can turn 360 degrees which so ever way on the bed with a man. Let’s set facts straight and get things right. Who we are- who women are is not based on their home making skills.

It is based on their heart…
On their soul…
On what they bring to the table…
On what impact they make in the world…
On what lives they touched…
On how fully they lived the gift called lives they were given…
The standards are the same for men and women and should be seen to be the same.

Like it or not, when God calls us all up there tomorrow or farther than tomorrow, He won’t be asking if you cooked or cleaned really well while you were on earth. He would ask you if you gave it all-if you used all He placed in you to affect your world. That’s what really matters.
And it is important that the things that really matter sink into our heads too.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Darren Baker

Frances Okoro is a 20something year old lawyer in the making, consumed with the desire to be more and do more for Christ. You can read more from her at and follow her on Twitter @Elegant_frances

Hephzibah Frances is a Lawyer and author currently based in Lagos Nigeria. She is an author of more than 15 books including the best-selling book “Prayers for your future husband”. She is a Voice for the Lord. She proclaims God to the Nations through her songs, books, podcasts, talk-shows, movies and the new media. Carrying God’s word to her generation on the wings of the wind. She is the founder of two women ministries, The Women At The Well and The Deborah Generation She is also the founder of Awakening Youthful Seeds For Christ Initiative a Non-Governmental Organisation focused on raising purposeful youths. She runs a business to help authors and aspiring authors BIRTH THEIR BOOK DREAMS at Beautiful Feet Publishing - Email: [email protected] for help with all things publishing and marketing your books. ***** KEEP IN TOUCH: Email her at okorofrance[email protected] Follow Her On Social Media: On Facebook: HephzibahFrances On twitter @Hephzibahfran/ On instagram @hephzibahfrances Listen to her Podcasts At: Podcasts By Hephzibah Frances Watch her videos on her YouTube Channel at - Hephzibah Frances Read her blog at Download FREE eBooks written by her from here


  1. Dea

    June 24, 2014 at 10:46 am

    Isn’t it ironical that in one breath you complain about unfair prejudice in the definition of women based on their home-making skills yet are quick to dissociate yourself from that category?

    • frances

      June 24, 2014 at 11:44 am

      Thank you Dea for the observation but notice the “before anyone gets the wrong ideas” phrase before I said I could cook? I said that so people who think I hold the above view because I cannot cook will know that’s not true. Whether I can cook,or can’t cook, the truth as I know it is just what I tried to pass views remain same as being able to cook doesn’t change it.
      Thanks for reading and commenting

  2. 1 + The One

    June 24, 2014 at 10:59 am

    God bless you for this Frances!! I absolutely hate that very sexist ‘joke’ too! Why should anyone be judged by their ability to cook, clean etc?! We are so much more that! Those skills are essential, yes (for EVERY human being) but no person should be judged by that. Like you brilliantly said, when we have to give an account of our lives, I believe there would be no record of how domestically ‘fit’ we are!
    Beautiful article, loved it!! xx

    • iyke

      June 24, 2014 at 7:05 pm

      Nobody is judging you based on that but it’s expected that a woman should be able to cook and clean.If you can’t cook, clean your toilet and make your bedroom inviting, then you shouldn’t expect your man to know how to make love and pleasure you.

    • mae

      June 25, 2014 at 10:17 am

      If I know how to make love & pleasure him, i’ll call it a tie. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t know how to cook/feed himself, clean up after himself, etc. Every adult should know these things regardless of gender. So if it’s about what is expected how about we tar everyone with the same brush huh?

    • mae

      June 25, 2014 at 10:23 am

      Erm, BN where is my comment?! :-S

  3. Anna

    June 24, 2014 at 11:13 am

    Amen Amen Amen!!! I’ve been saying this. I cannot wait for the day that these standards we hold women to, to ascertain their ‘value’ are abolished from our mindsets. If I am being completely honest apportioning ‘value’ to any definite criteria is ridiculous. What is good for some is not good for others. Generally as women, I hope that we delve deeper into ourselves to discover the beauty and gifts that God has given us. That is our value. Not how sweet our efo riro is. That’s what I’m learning anyway!

  4. B-WEST

    June 24, 2014 at 11:15 am

    u got a point boo.. but cleanliness is next to godliness & in as much as it shuldn’t define u , it shuld part of u .

  5. ovweriavwose Sheila eseoghene

    June 24, 2014 at 11:50 am

    Some insightful fact for this generation.

  6. Inthemidstofher

    June 24, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    Frances, great job. We were raised and have the potential to do so much more. Home making skills is just PART of the package and should not define our worth as women. We are game changers and when we start seeing ourselves as that, the world will soon follow suit.

  7. enajyte

    June 24, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    If you don’t have the home making skills, have the money to pay someone to do them. There’s more to a person than gender roles.

  8. The Beautiful Eagle

    June 24, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    Beautiful Article from a Lovely Heart…..I’m also aiming to be a virtuous woman…
    I’ll get there soon

  9. Changing Faces

    June 24, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    Nice read… but as Dea said, you didn’t need to tell us you can cook. It doesn’t matter what category people put you, you know yourself and belonging or not belonging in that does not invalidate your views.

    I have sons, and they must learn to clean and cook; these are important life skills. You see some single Nigerian men looking for where to eat, when it dawns on them that eating in a restaurant day in day out, requires very deep pockets.

  10. Dee

    June 24, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    My boyfriend’s friend told me I am a “wife material” the other day and he was surprised when I told him that was offensive. To him he felt it was a complement but then I explained to him that if all that qualifies me to be a so called wife material is cooking and cleaning skills then men can as well go ahead and marry maids and cooks.

    • Doxa

      June 26, 2014 at 2:15 pm

      God bless you.

  11. Tantra

    June 24, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    Everybody should know how to cook and clean, for your own personal interest. I love men who reverse the roles when their wives are pregnant or ill . Even if you don’t cook or clean always, still have the knowledge. I am a woman and I would love to cook and clean for my husband. I would also like to eat something nice prepared by my man.

  12. jcsgrl

    June 24, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Hmnn I’m trying to find a way to convey my thoughts and not be all over the place. Honestly, I don’t think there is anything wrong in a man or woman desiring someone who can throw down in the kitchen if that is what that person loves to do. I think most men love it when a woman can cook, clean, etc but it shouldn’t be the only thing that defines the woman. I love to clean but hate cooking and hubby was well informed and he was fine with it. But something about being in a loving relationship changes all that I hate cooking thing. I find myself trying one or two dishes and enjoy seeing his reaction after chomping some delicious food cooked by me. Also, when we have kids I would love them to eat healthy nutritious meals either cooked by me, him or a cook. So love can make you do certain wifely duties and not mind. So because I don’t like cooking I wouldn’t want to be defined by my cooking skills.
    Now I love cleaning and CANNOT stand a messy house or person. So yes, I cannot marry someone who can’t clean or keep the house clean. That will irk me to no end. My brothers are the messiest human beings and I can’t even imagine the kind of woman who will tolerate them. They are my blood but God knows if we were not related I would NEVER marry them. Imagine coming home from work and my neatly arranged house is turned upside down. Mehn I will turn you upside down and throw you out! So you might not be MR Clean but you need to know how to clean something and maintain it. Its a deal breaker for me!
    Long and short, different strokes for different people.

    • Jane Public

      June 24, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      Shey that’s even your point. My own is that this topic has been discussed ad nauseam it elicits an eye roll. I love to cook, I hate cleaning. I have had a cleaning lady since college. It was actually the reason I couldn’t wait to leave home, because no Mummy to say you must clean the house. I worked part time jobs to afford the privilege of a cleaning lady. Le Boo understands. When I cook, you would think a bomb went through the place and he lovingly helps clean up afterwards because left to me, I would go sit down on the sofa, make a cocktail and whine about how much cleaning I have to do, or call those emergency cleaning lady services when I know my cleaning lady is away. Let us not deceive ourselves, many men and women seek these qualities in their partners because who doesn’t want to be well fed and live in a beautiful clean home. It is when he/she doesn’t see anything in you beyond those 2 things that lies the problem but articles like this (may not have been the authors intention) tend to make it look like those qualities are not important, your personality should come first. Sorry, but the they are. No matter how beautiful and well mannered you are, if your house is a pigsty and you can’t throw a decent meal together for yourself, it begs the question. Operative word is yourself. This applies to both male and female. Will I raise my daughter or son to not be useful in the home at all and say a man/woman should love you for who you are, hell no because it means when I come visiting them for a few days, I would have to pay for a hotel because her house is a pigsty and all we eat is takeouts. If cooking or cleaning is a part of you and you enjoy doing it, it can be your selling point, just as being decent, kind, being financially savvy, warm, giving etc. Just make sure you find a partner who appreciates what you do, won’t take it for granted and would be there to help you and pick up your slack on days you are not up to it. That is the balanced view that articles on this topic should discuss, and not make it look like oh, why can’t we focus on personality first. Best believe their are lots of happy marriages and homes in which the man took the woman’s domestic and homemaking skills into consideration. We all have our lists and wants of what we expect in prospective partners. Aint nothing wrong with that. Mothers are still primary care givers even in developed nations. Una want progressive pass them too?

    • jcsgrl

      June 24, 2014 at 3:55 pm

      Ehen my lovey lovey where you been? Na you explain my thoughts better. Na you break the English down for me well well. Missed you shaa. You and this your highflying job should take ya time o and not be disappearing from BN all willy nilly. Muah

    • Miriam

      June 24, 2014 at 4:15 pm

      and she’s back. Where have you been? I am with you on this topic being over flogged. For the first time you provided a refreshing view. I read such articles and shake my head at the writer’s naivety or is it inability or defiance to live in the real world. The utopia they talk about does not exist. I love @jcsgirl’s view of it too. Love makes you do these things, you wont consider them as chores, duties or that they define you. Fact, most men want a woman who can cook and clean. It is a priority for them just as we women want a man that has a job and is responsible. Culturally we have what we expect from men but when it gets to what they expect from us we are up in arms. Progressiveness should swing both ways unless you want to marry a white person. As @janepublic said even in their countries women still play homemaker roles and their men happen to have more respect for women sef. Bella Naija enough of these types of articles. If they are not bringing anything new to the table or a fresh perspective no need to publish it.

    • Jane public

      June 24, 2014 at 4:20 pm

      Missed ya too. Only get to read Bn these days when many of y’all are asleep. Enjoyed reading your comments too.

    • Jane Public

      June 24, 2014 at 4:28 pm

      I second the motion @Miriam

    • Iris

      June 24, 2014 at 5:25 pm

      Yay you’re back! LMAO at whining with a cocktail. I should try that. I love to cook too and I can manage to clean the kitchen but everything else is an annoyance, including ironing and folding clothes. I actually think everyone – women and men – should know how to cook. It seems like such a fundamental thing to me and it is a basic necessity in a partnership or family, unless you have the money and desire for takeout forever. I don’t mind doing the cooking for the most part because I like it, but I want to know my partner can reverse the stereotypical roles sometimes. My dad was a traditional Igbo man and he married a woman who wasn’t quite so traditional or as interested in certain foods, so when it came to making ukwa and abacha he knew what to do because nobody had his time. It was the same thing with ironing. My mother hates ironing and he didn’t want any of the helpers at home ironing his work trousers so he took himself to the ironing board sharply.

    • Titi

      June 12, 2015 at 10:14 am

      This is ME! I don’t particularly like cooking. In fact, I am not a fan of cooking, I only do it if I have to but God knows that I can tidy up and clean the house very well because I can’t stick a dirty, messy environment. And I could never live with a man who isn’t neat, tidy and clean, even if my life depended on it.

  13. Sebastian

    June 24, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    Hey Frances I’m glad you made it her to BN, I always loved your comments. 🙂
    Your post is great, I needed this little nudge of not putting too much emphasis on abilities or performance, but rather on being the right kind of person and the people around us. Our skills should just be a vehicle to help us accomplish the important things, they should not become ultimate things as such.

    • frances

      June 24, 2014 at 6:32 pm

      Awww, thanks Sebastain.i appreciate. This is my 3rd article on BN though, you can find and check out the rest here

    • frances

      June 24, 2014 at 6:34 pm

      And thank you for capturing the point I am trying to put across is great,cleaning is great, it’s amazing for one to have all the skills and more but even more greater is that these things don’t define us,they aren’t the crux of who a person is.

  14. lazy girl

    June 24, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    I just looked around my house and its a dump.. I can cook but am just too messy Jesu! I am so lazy Ehen.. it’s just terrible! Thank God I can pay to get my cleaning done. But honestly somehow no matter how accomplished you are.. it u lack home making skills… u still feel… (lacking). I really wish my first reaction when I wake up is to lay my bed.. but for where…

  15. Bobosteke & Lara Bian

    June 24, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    Frances, I got the point you tried to pass across. Unfortunately, we live in an age where people are overly aware of rights, who they think they are and what they feel they stand for. Its become somewhat tiresome to hear one more version of there is more to me than my looks, my housekeeping skills or how my butt fills out a pair of jeans. You viewed it from one extreme and took it straight to the other end. Don’t get me wrong, your point cannot be overemphasized and we can never say it enough to pass the point to those misogynist mother-ers, if you’ll excuse the French, but you know have to learn to serve the same dish in different ways. If not, it gets boring.

    I often run personality checks on myself. It is ugly and sometimes brutal but I try not to hide from my truths. I have found out that the more I am responsible domestically, the better I am as a person. Living in a clean environment helps build my character. I am likely to undress all the way from the door to my bedroom, leaving everything wherever they fall. I trample on them when I’ m going about the house. My excuse is that I am too tired to pick up after myself. Then one day its like I notice all the mess around me and I think “Lordy, where did all these mess come from?” and by the time I’m done cleaning, the tiles look like mirrors. But why do I wait till I cant stand the mess? Is it a sublime indication that there are some things in my life that I would rather ignore until they become big, ugly and obvious that I have no choice but to do it? Are there things I’m doing that I don’t want to take responsibility for? I know sometimes its just simple house cleaning and not psychology, but sometimes there are deep seated meanings in simple acts or omissions that we find ourselves doing.

    The care I show my house, the way I treat my property is extended to the attitude I show at my job, the people around me and myself. When my house is untidy you bet I would be scattered, hurried, doing everything and achieving nothing. But when everything is in place, lets just say there is nothing like an uncluttered house (and mind) to help me feel wholesome, capable and responsible. People can appreciate themselves more, be proud of themselves when they take care of themselves and their environment better. You don’t have to be woman, you only have to be human.

    • Laide

      June 24, 2014 at 11:12 pm

      You definitely brought a new perspective to this over discussed topic..pls start a blog, don’t deprive us of reading your beautiful writings”

    • frances

      June 25, 2014 at 12:06 am

      Thank you Laide. I do have a blog, here’s the link-

    • frances

      June 24, 2014 at 11:23 pm

      And all you’ve said and more, (aside from the first paragraph of which I know you are entitled to your opinion)I agree with them all…they all make you a better human,yes..its a part of someone that’s good,great even,yes…I am only saying that they are the part, not the whole. The entire essence of who a woman is cannot be predicated on cooking and cleaning.#that’s all.
      And thanks for your comment,i like it,it’s well analysed.but there’s no like button here unfortunately

    • TA

      June 25, 2014 at 8:41 am

      You my dear Bobos & Lara B is my soul sister. As in its scary how you laid out all my thoughts in a nicely written way. When my apartment is messy,it usually mirrors my life at that point. Disorderly,doing a lot but not achieving much…That is me right there. God bless you darling. And start that blog already!

    • Doxa

      June 26, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      It is good to know how to cook, clean and wash clothes. These are life skills, it’s better to have them and not need than to need them and not have them.
      That said, I personally would rather allocate time to more important things that no one can do for me and ‘outsource’ the ones that someone can help me with. Many young ladies these days are career driven and why not, as these same men will tell you they don’t want a liability as wife. I leave to work very early in the morning and return home late at night from Monday to Friday (and sometimes Saturdays). If I happen to have a free weekend, I definitely won’t spend it cooking, cleaning and washing clothes now haba! Am I a robot? There are people that can help me with this, yes it costs money but really everything costs something.
      Once in a while I clean and wash clothes (but that cooking ehnnn voice mail tins). Maybe I will do more of these when I have a regular 9-5 job, or maybe I won’t, but I think we should focus on the bottom line: Is there a tasty meal for us to eat when we are hungry? Are our clothes clean and ironed when we want to wear them? Is our home environment neat, tidy and welcoming? If the anwers to these questions are yes, then I don’t think oga will mind so much.
      Afterall, let the guys confess, no man will marry a girl simply because she can cook, clean and wash clothes and no man will refuse to marry a girl simply because she cannot cook, clean and wash clothes.
      I have also noticed that it’s a certain category of guys that place emphasis on these skills, guys who think progressively don’t usually mind (please note that progressive thinking isn’t directly proportional to annual income, number of degrees bagged or social status).


    June 25, 2014 at 11:18 am

    “You are 25 and you can’t cook, you can’t wash clothes, you can’t clean and you want a man to love you for who you are. Who are you really?“ – That statement never ceases to ‘inflame’ my wrath. Yes, it’s important to cook, wash clothes and clean, but, those are not the only things that women were created for – there is more to it. What happened to building a career, becoming a virtuos woman, learning a skill, etc.? I rest my case!!!!

  17. nene

    June 25, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    this food issue is horrible. when i lived outside nigeria, my boyfriend (who isn’t nigerian) rarely asked me to cook or clean, why? because there’s a dishwasher, washing machine, dry cleaners, and a restaurant. we went out to eat most times, and when i cooked, he ate whatever i gave him, and we would laugh if the food was bad. a wife/girlfriend is supposed to be a lover and friend, not your chef, mother or housekeeper. get your shit together nigerian men.

  18. Salt

    June 25, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    I agree. It should just be something you can or cannot do. Home and life skills are great but our significance, self worth and value should not be linked to any of them . The same way they ishould not be tied to the color of our skin, the nationality of our weave or the brand of our bags. As women, what should define us is not just who we are on the inside but WHO we carry.

    Me? I am the queen of out sourcing o! Living and working in this country plus bringing up kids? No, the little energy I have left are channeled to other areas if you get my drift. Lol!

  19. Contrary Opinion

    June 26, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    Personally, i just feel we have a lot of lazy set of people out there (male/female)

    Human beings shouldnt be defined by what they can/cannot do but as we have wrriten laws, so also do we have unwritten laws. There are morals, values and unwritten expectations from every human being -irrespective of who you are (male-female).

    Frances, if you wanna talk about bible things, have you ever come across the word “diligent” in the bible?. As a diligent person, you are good across board. There is nothing wanting about you.

    What is it about cooking, cleaning, sweeping, washing, mopping and any other house chore? I am a guy/man and i tell you there is none i cant do. I have all the equipments( washing machine et al) but that does not mean you should be found wanting in the mechanical aspect of it.

    Whether gf/wifey/sister/mother or any female in my life cooks or not, i go to the kitchen and make the food. What is the big deal in loving or hating to cook/clean? It is laziness my dear (no two ways about it)

    You said they dont judge guys about some things, how would you feel marrying a husband who cant change bulbs, cant do generator, cant fix the fixables in the house? Even if you stay out of Nigeria, (which many people are trying to form) and i have stayed in many countries too (not one), i realized people do things by themselves cos the cost of getting labour is high.

    No excuse for failure or deficiency my dear. If someone is born with a silver spoon, brought up in a house where she isn’t allowed to do nada, parents not home to coach her, why cant she learn herself? Those who can cook, dem born dem with it? those giving tutorials on this on that, dem born dem with it? Many learnt out of curiosity.

    Advanced scholars of the bible said God will not do somethings for you cos He has given you the brain to think. Imagine someone asking God, God, what/which undies do i wear today? God, what food do i eat today? does that make sense? Most of the problems facing our society, they are things we can solve by ourselves by the virtue of the grace and wisdom God has given us, but we wont.

    Don’t let us justify these ills and abnormalities. Why do they make bride to be go through some coaching session? To inculcate what they dont know and what is expected of them to know and possess. Ever heard of cultures where they will beat the man to test his ability/strength of leading a wife and home? Why do you think men pay bride price? Its a simple display of the ability of the man to take care of his wife and home. This is why they always say make sure your man pays the bride price and gets you the ring….expectations from the male folk ! you dig?

    Laziness does not have two names, laziness is laziness!

    • Contrary Opinion

      June 26, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      Lastly, half baked and uncooked generation of young people is the reason for high rate of divorce. Who ever told you that two different people from different backgrounds, values, philosophies, ideologies will blend immediately after marriage didnt say the truth. They never said there will be storms, there will be trying times for them to blend, the first 1-2 years may not be so rosy-but you see them getting married and after 6months, 1year they wanna divorce.

      Life is for the diligent, the strong, the violent, the ones who can pursue, overtake and recover all!

  20. marculey

    September 6, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    Doax don’t get Frances wrong, she’s trying to pass a message to those women whom their dreams re dead already nd to those who never discovered their potentials all becos they’re trying hard to be good house wives nd good girlfriends.. I am an example. I’m a 20 yrs old 200l student of Delsu but quick to say I started life early without my parents, I dated a guy around my early 19. I can say this to myself, I can really do all the house chores, cook delicious meal nd bla bla bla. I’m always focused on “God pls weekend should come so I can leave school for this particular guy” I did this very well from 19 till my present age 20 but guess what, I was being used by this guy. meanwhile my GPA was crying till I discovered who I really am last semester, he will not clean or cook till weekend, waiting for me to come nd do them all while he keeps another girl aside, all i’m trying to say here is “Don’t put ur all to a guy find something good out of urself, whatever u discover is urs nd urs alone nd that u’ll get credits for” I realised my foolishness the day he pounded me like yam all becos I replied the other girl’s sms. Who will marry you will for who u re not for what u know how to do best, guys actually have their minds made up, don’t be a scape goat. Stay on a balance scale.” be good in the house chores/cooking nd also discover ur potential” so u don’t loose at the end of the game.thanks Frances

  21. marculey

    September 6, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    Doxa I mean to say nd forgive my 20 yrs old Grammar, I know it’s should be a 20 yr old not a 20yrs old cos of the “A”

  22. still wondering

    June 4, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    Thanks for this, especially the part that says God won’t ask… this just gave me hope. I’m not so good at cooking and i’m not the spick and span tidy girl. Yet, i am the first born and i managed to take care of 4 siblings ang keep the house fine till now, i have good grades and a lot of people and friends say i’m a wonderful friend and even mother to them. I’m 24 this year, but the african society makes it look like my life is already over. I have back ache and so cannot work much, for instance if i were to mop and clean a big house. I actually decided not to get married so that i won’t have to face the insults from any person. I am stil at this decision stage but at least i feel better now knowing that i can just probably dedicate my life to God’s service and find peace at the end. God bless you.

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