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Glory Edozien: How to Take Back An Ex

Glory Edozien

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It started with a kiss. Well, not really. It actually started when I met up with Temi and her new beau Seyi at Spice Bar after work. Seyi invited his friend Tayo, who had just moved from the UK, to join us. Seeing as there are probably a million and one UK returnees named Tayo, it never crossed my mind that it could be my ex, Tayo. Nothing could have prepared me for his arrival as he drew back a seat beside me and the scent of his familiar Tom Ford perfume settled into the chair with him. Temi sensing the tension decided it was best to make a joke of it all. I joined in, hoping my laughter veiled my discomfort.

As the evening progressed, I was surprised at how pleasant the evening actually was. After Temi and Seyi left, Tayo and I spent an additional 2 hours in the restaurant. The evening reminded me exactly why I had dated him for over 18 months. At one point I had tears coming down my eyes just from the hilarity of some of his stories. He had a knack for looking straight at you, like he could see something the world didn’t notice. I remembered how we could talk for hours about nothing in particular but still feel a sense of shared understanding and bonding. Even now, nothing had changed, he still placed his hand on my arm, shoulder and hair like he had been doing it all his life or somehow managed to reduce the distance between us anytime he laughed.

As the evening ended, conversation turned more earnest as we remembered all the things we said we would achieve in our 20’s, our unhindered ambitions and immature perceptions of reality. He told me he was proud of me for sticking to my dreams. I told him I admired his determination to build a company when he could have easily joined the family business. We looked at each other then and realized just how much we knew about the person behind the make up, clothes and ego. And that was when it happened. I saw it coming and even though the room was filled with people I didn’t try to stop him. His lips felt a little cold but familiar. Nothing had changed.

For the next two weeks, we chatted everyday. We went to the cinema, to dinners and even attended a wedding together. It was only when he introduced me to his aunty as his girlfriend that I realized we were actually dating. My lips tightened but I managed to straighten them into a smile as I dropped one knee to greet his aunty – who promptly informed me that my wedding would be next.

The next day we went to church together and met with Temi and Seyi for brunch. Seyi made a comment about him being our best man and Tayo said something about new beginnings and sometimes needing to see the world only to realise there was nothing better than what you had in the first place. I pressed my lips together and let my eyes stay longer than necessary on Temi’s half eaten chicken.

Time is a funny thing. It has a way soaking up the pain and stain of scars, leaving only a faint recollection of the cause of injury. Maybe that was why I had been playing Ken and Barbie for two weeks without realising. After all it was the same lips that touched mine two weeks ago that had caused the end of our relationship years ago. It was those lips that told me he was hanging with friends when he really was hanging with Wunmi the 1st year Economics undergraduate. Those same lips I saw kissing Wunmi at the African and Caribbean society party and those exact lips that told me without stuttering that his parents weren’t pleased he was dating an Igbo girl. So, why would I now believe anything that came out of those lips. Because 5 years had passed and we were now different? Or because fate had decided to test my resolve by placing me on the same table with an ex who made me question my self worth? Or because now he was interested in starting a new beginning after he had sampled all the world had to offer. Or perhaps my brain had become an etch a sketch rubbing off all memories of how he flaunted Wunmi in my face barley 2 days after our break up.

Don’t get me wrong. I know people can change. People make mistakes and should be given second chances. After all many couples have said I do after years of break ups to make ups. Except that is my problem. My goal isn’t just to ‘say I do’. I don’t want to throw my bouquet dancing to “Single Ladies” because I have finally been catapulted to Mrs status. I want to have my first dance with reasonable certainty that my husband will always hold me close no matter what kind of music life throws at us. I want to feel secure, as I kneel down in my wedding dress to feed my husband, knowing that his respect, love and support for me will remain steady through our years together. And to have that I must trust whoever I give my life to in marriage. I must trust that he can take care of me emotionally and spiritually and even when we fight he will remember that I bleed just as easily as he does.

I discussed this with Temi and she remained adamant that Tayo was a transformed man. She explained that the mistakes of the past were due to youth and now he was a fully fledged man ready to commit to a long term relationship. Temi was half right. People do change, but only if the underlying reason for their behaviour has been dealt with. Anything else is a mirage which will fade under intense pressure. Tayo’s parents are still alive and I will always be Igbo. He still speaks in hushed tones and picks unnecessary fights only to send flowers to my office after disappearing for a weekend. I, on the other hand, realised after our break up that compromise is different from self deprecation. The line is between acceptance of my partners flaws and my appreciation of self is a dark blue and not a faded grey. So after 6 weeks of playing make-up, Tayo and I said goodbye a second time but not because he hadn’t changed, but because I had.

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are https://www.canadianmeds4u.com/category/buy-antibiotics-online/ more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

145 Comments

  1. debs

    September 19, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    One path we all stray too easily to. Glad the word “wake up” still makes sence.
    Somehow the second journey meets a smarter you.

    1
    • Musing

      September 19, 2014 at 9:38 pm

      Was a good write up
      musingsfromabrokenjar.wordpress.com/

      1
    • Sisi

      September 20, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      I want my ex back thoh!!!
      He was very very good to me, but I lied too much and my evil friends went and told him everything, so he left… how do I get him back??

      1
    • girl

      September 20, 2014 at 8:08 pm

      OYO!!!!!!!!!!!!

      1
    • POSHILLA

      September 20, 2014 at 10:45 pm

      STOP LYING AND HE WILL COME BACK OK! GO AND SIN NO MORE LOL!

      1
  2. Mee

    September 19, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    WOW

    1
    • olasmom

      September 20, 2014 at 11:09 am

      My sentiments exactly. I love Glory’s articles. They always make So much sense.

      1
  3. Mz Socially Awkward...

    September 19, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    🙂 Brava, Ms. Edozien. Wasn’t sure if it was an actual recount or prose but it takes a very strong-willed single woman to let go of any potential “Mr. Somebody” in these dire times of husband-hunting.

    If your story turns out to be a real episode in your life, please do me the solid favor of sharing tips on how to sustain any kind of civil relations with an ex (the no-good kind who did you wrong). I’ve run into my ex a couple of times in the last year and my heart has become such rock-hard granite concerning him that any space that he occupies is literally invisible air to me. I just point-blank refuse to acknowledge such a human being is in the same environment with me so my eye no dey gree see am at allllll. Ah, heaven truly hath no rage like love to hatred turned….

    1
    • zsa zsa

      September 19, 2014 at 8:53 pm

      Mz SA. How long ago was this break up? Perhaps you need time to heal and the frequent run in’s are not letting you process the break up. I felt the same way after a relationship with an ex went sour. I had accumulated rage from all his mean comments when we argued aaaaand he owed me money :(. I called dude one day and let him have it, all of it! I hanged up and i felt soooo much better. We are on good terms today. I am so happy with my life that i can’t imagine being so angry about anything or anyone anymore.
      Give it some time, maybe you need to get stuff off your chest too 🙂

      1
    • CoacoaButter

      September 19, 2014 at 11:45 pm

      Haaa, when I saw the title of the post I chuckled a bit. I ran into some sort of ex today. Two weeks ago, if i had seen him, Polite courtesy would have made me say a brief hello. But on this random day, two weeks ago, i was with a group of people and his name Kanmi* came up, The lady said to me, “how do you know Kanmi? That boy ehn (insert eyes rolling) he is a stalker, always disturbing me that he likes me,” and she sighed and continued what she was doing. I mentally gave myself a hard knock for believing smelly lies that stunk to the high heavens. Obviously, home boy was sampling the other girls in school. To think that I was the one who called the whole thing off, not knowing of his shady ways. For me he is somebody i used to know, if he comes back selling bullcrap, I will walk him to the door, this sister aint buying crap!

      1
    • Berry Dakara

      September 19, 2014 at 11:54 pm

      In my case, I said, “God, I hate this guy. Like I HATE him. I know you said we should forgive but I ain’t even trying to forgive this dude. Only YOU can do it o. Cos left to me, it’s not happening. Please help!”

      Well, I don’t hate him anymore after 2 years (lol) and I can say hello and keep it moving.

      1
    • J

      September 20, 2014 at 1:58 pm

      thanks for sharing. I will do that. J

      1
    • Che

      September 20, 2014 at 3:45 am

      For immediate feel good, call him and let him have it (don’t forget to let him know that you are the all that and a bag of chips and your shit don’t think; let him know you were an amazing blessing in his life and stupidly threw all of it away); just let him have and don’t hold your tounge. Say everything you want to say and hang up. When you see him next time, you will notice him with grin but you wont give a darn sheet about him. Civil relationship might develop afterwards.

      1
    • Uc

      September 20, 2014 at 10:07 pm

      So i clicked on d topic scrroled to see if u have commented then went back to read…..Simply what i do most times and u dont disappoint.
      As for this topic I will say I finally growew up.Details of how this came about is only left to d imagination……

      1
    • Doxa

      September 21, 2014 at 5:42 pm

      Ms SA, pray for him everyday (at first and then at regular intervals as time goes on). My case is so unique because I see mine every time I go to church. It got to a point that seeing him made me feel like I was suffocating. I had to do something quick, so I had to obey the bible and “pray for those who despitefuly use you”. I feel much much better now, I can even say hello to him when we have direct contact. I feel better, pray better, have stopped crying and can now acknowledge new admirers.

      1
    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      September 21, 2014 at 11:06 pm

      Ladies, thank you very much for sharing your widom on this “matta”. Seriously though, I shoulda been more selfishly protective of my own darn self -, i.e “Everyone deserves to love and be loved in return. Don’t settle for less”. He may have been a grade-“A” tool but I helped him along by not looking out for No. 1.

      Heard an amazing message yesterday about the deep roots of bitterness, in any case, which I’m seeking to live by so imma have to let that sociopathic bastard go (if it walks like a duck…) and reclaim my joy. 🙂

      1
    • Amiira

      October 9, 2014 at 1:28 pm

      I pray God help me too. I have an ex I detest so much…I can even explain why. Funny enough, I never really loved him when we dated but just regarded him and liked him. on 2 occassions I bumped on him, I felt like strangling him. I refused to return his hello once and just blanked him the other time.

      1
  4. Brenda

    September 19, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    I absolutely love eeet!

    1
  5. kemi

    September 19, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    very good write-up!

    1
  6. Desiree

    September 19, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    this was wonderful, thanks for sharing!

    1
  7. No.1

    September 19, 2014 at 6:13 pm

    I said bye to a bonafide bastard who had the nerves to even think I would take him back. I am not arrogant, my first sentence is just the truth, people change but with some people , some things never change, except you decide to accept it that way and put up with it, keep walking. They finally see what they had, you always have and still do. God no go vex.

    1
  8. Prof

    September 19, 2014 at 6:20 pm

    Like Mz SA, I dont know how to be friends with an ex (who walked out on me). He was the only one I ever loved, he trampled on me and left me like shit. Now he wants to be friends. I just cant get past the fact that this person betrayed me without thinking twice, and I’m sorry I can’t sit and laugh and joke with him knowing what he did to me. And its not an issue of forgiveness because I have forgiven him long ago.

    1
  9. UZOAMAKA

    September 19, 2014 at 6:33 pm

    Mz. Socially Awkward, thank you for your comment!

    1
  10. fade

    September 19, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    Beautiful write up. love it!!!

    1
  11. BBB

    September 19, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    he met a smart u yes’ but sometimes we need to give pple a second chance to prove demselves.u already have dos tots in ur head while with him for 6week, at least 4 a duration of 3months, and see how it goes. on d other hand we ladies need to look out for ourselves,wen to call a spade a spade.

    1
    • Onye

      September 19, 2014 at 7:39 pm

      even though he still picked fights and then sent flowers to apologise. He disappeared some weekends. Would you put up with that? She made the right decision.

      1
  12. itk

    September 19, 2014 at 6:44 pm

    hmmm. nice write up. pls BN family, i need advice. had a relationship with this guy for about 15months after which he told me that we cant get married because God showed him am not his wife and we broke up. after we broke up i opened up about some stuffs and i admitted i told him some lies but he insisted we be friends. we kept making out and all. we were apart for about 2months and when we eventually got to meet 3weeks ago, we became too emotionally attached and somehow he disvirgined me. but whenever we have a problem he keeps referring back to the lies and i get really hurt. told him am tired. dont even want to friends with him anymore. just want to be all by myself. he keeps telling me of how he is not dating me and all. although he has been begging that i should forgive him. feel really bad that i had sex with him just 2weeks ago.confused…

    1
    • Uju

      September 19, 2014 at 8:26 pm

      So sorry to hear that. Let him go. He doesn’t love you. He never loved you. He just wanted a taste of what’s between your legs. Let him go and rebuild your life my dear. For your sanity of mind.

      1
    • zsa zsa

      September 19, 2014 at 8:44 pm

      First off, I have to call you out…giiiirrrrllll what were you thinking,sleeping with him AFTER he broke up with you? He said God told him you were not his wife, you should have run for the hills!!!
      That said, don’t be confused. The guy clearly wants to keep you as a side piece, he doesn’t want you and keeps reminding you that both of you are not a couple so what are you doing answering his calls?? DELETE his number NOW NOW NOW…infact block him! No more emotional attachment, booty calls and such. If he won’t set you free then you need to set yourself free my dear. Give yourself time to heal, renew your mind, discover yourself before getting involved with another man. All the best.

      1
    • cos I say so

      September 19, 2014 at 10:44 pm

      Abeg it happens to the best of us,theres still all that emotional attachment even after a break up
      Free the babe&stop being Captain Obvious

      1
    • iba

      September 19, 2014 at 9:36 pm

      Confused much but you just gotta let him go. You know what that means? Deleting numbers and past messages so you don’t get tempted to call the number again. removing from facebook, instagram, twitter and what ever else is out there. Just totally cutting off someone off your life hon. Sorry sex has been introduced but nothing that cant be severed. You should pray too for strength and just carry your kaya move forward.

      1
    • JustSaying

      September 19, 2014 at 11:57 pm

      Some guys are heartless, like seriously after He told you the God said phrase. I feel for you dear, so much similar to my story. I understand it’ll take a while to heal but GIRL please put the past behind you! It’s time to move on.
      Oh you need to cut him off…no more talking to him (at least to you get healed). That being said, no need to feel guilt or commended about what you did…God’s grace is sufficient for you dear xx

      1
    • Noksis

      September 20, 2014 at 9:46 am

      My Dear, i can imagine the way you feel right now. But the truth is you have to move on. it would be hard after sex and all but i believe you have learnt the hard way. A sincere guy will not pressure you for sex. He will not blackmail or judge you. He will correct you kindly and work with you to overcome your mistakes. Let him go and go back to your first love. Christ. He is waiting to show you all the love.
      Be strong itk. Make use of any decent distractionss. Get busy. Read books, dance, cook, bake, work out, do something. Talk to trusted friends(true friends ooo). You dont have to let them know you slept with him. Just pour out your heartache through words. It will help. wish i knew you in person

      1
    • lorna

      September 20, 2014 at 2:09 pm

      this guy isnt a believer, a true believer wont even attempt to sleep with you. he is a liar using the name of God to cover his insecurities.

      1
    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      September 21, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      Cosign. Too many no-good dogs roaming the face of this earth…

      1
    • Ekene

      September 21, 2014 at 12:38 pm

      God said you weren’t his wife yet he disvirgined you? Guys are just so terrible.
      Because I’m a virgin, I know how you’re feeling. It’s terrible when one has sex after a breakup (my friends haven’t dealt with that well), but I can only imagine how you feel as you were a virgin. Block and delete him from everywhere you can and keep away from him for a LONG time. You’d be alright. It is well with you in Jesus’ Name, Amen.

      1
    • jhennique

      September 24, 2014 at 8:42 am

      awwwwww! The painful part is that he deceived you into sleeping with him. That guy doesnt love you! afterall he has told u that God said u are not his wife. if its really God that spoke to him, then i doubt God will change what he has said. cos He may not want to place u in the hands of an inconsiderate fellow. find a happy place by urself and leave him alone. God will
      give u the grace to move on. iv learned that you cannot make a man love u if he doesnt, yes lieing breaks trust but he doesnt sound like he knows what he wants

      1
    • Seyi

      September 26, 2014 at 4:29 pm

      I hardly ever comment but I will for you; my second comment in maybe about 3 /4 years… you are very special!!
      I can feel your pain and heartache. However look on the brighter side… which is that God loves you that’s why the guy had to manifest his true self and didn’t continue to deceive you which would have caused and cost you to continue sleeping with him or even terminating pregnancies or sinking into deeper dark holes of no self-worth etc. Please like other sisters have said you need to distance yourself from him as much as possible however please don’t be bitter, I know it would be very hard/tough, ask God for strength and grace to move on and be strong.
      Please learn from the experience, reconcile yourself to God. I would like to appeal to you that you must not get into the trap of thinking that you can use another guy or relationship to forget him… it never works that way! Starting another relationship when you are still hurting, vulnerable and bitter would only lead to further heart aches, pain, bitterness and regrets. I have seen this trend in so many people who have suffered so many bad relationships one after the other. Spend more time with God, things of God, the word of God, family and friends. Ask God for grace to keep your body till you are married… believe me it pays to! God bless you, hold you up strong and give you a beautiful future. Your sister Seyi. And never forget THAT GOD LOVES YOU AND YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO HIM!!!

      1
  13. Meeee

    September 19, 2014 at 6:54 pm

    Great one Glory, thanks for sharing this

    1
  14. Emma

    September 19, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    just wow. Thank you,Thank you & Thank you, writing this down in my diary..
    “My goal isn’t just to ‘say I do’. I don’t want to throw my bouquet dancing to “Single Ladies” because I have finally been catapulted to Mrs Status. I want to have my first dance with reasonable certainty that my husband will always hold me close no matter what kind of music life throws at us. I want to feel secure, as I kneel down in my wedding dress to feed my husband, knowing that his respect, love and support for me will remain steady through our years together. And to have that I must trust whoever I give my life to in marriage. I must trust that he can take care of me emotionally and spiritually and even when we fight he will remember that I bleed just as easily as he does”

    1
    • JustSaying

      September 19, 2014 at 11:58 pm

      I love those sentences as well…stealing it (running away)

      1
    • Nwa Ara

      September 20, 2014 at 10:32 am

      As much as we should get a certain level of assuraance, the truth and beauty of life is that you will never be certain of the things you just expressed above. Faith is an integral part of life.
      If you wait for the certainty of the beautiful prose you just crafted, you might as well not get out of bed,lest of all marrying prince charming.

      1
    • cledges

      September 20, 2014 at 11:36 am

      God gives us the certainty we need. Trust me if she was sure about him, the inner peace she feels/felt will be a sure confirmation. Unless we want to delude ourselves, The issue of marriage is one we seem to take for granted .i really prayed to God before I got married. I was certain beyond doubt that the man I chose Is mine, and not the flashy ones. Does that mean there will be no challenges, definitely Not. In all the issues we have, I never doubt his sincere love for me. That’s is what matters, and that’s the peace she didn’t have within.

      1
  15. theurbanegirl

    September 19, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    totally worth reading awww

  16. BC

    September 19, 2014 at 7:20 pm

    The one did it or me: “People do change, but only if the underlying reason for their behaviour has been dealt with. Anything else is a mirage which will fade under intense pressure.” Spot on. Excellent write up.

  17. BC

    September 19, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    This one did it for me: “People do change, but only if the underlying reason for their behaviour has been dealt with. Anything else is a mirage which will fade under intense pressure.” Spot on. Excellent write up.

  18. *Real* Nice Anon

    September 19, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    The heart is such a fool ever so quick to forget. One has to always be honest with themselves and not get carried away when the exes show up. Show up they always will.

  19. x-factor

    September 19, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    Very well written piece.. Weldone!

  20. omoibo

    September 19, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    Here’s the thing about our ex’s we tend fantasize about the good times. Here’s my stand, an ex is an ex for a reason and whatever that reason was will typically rear its head again sooner than later and will become an issue again. I leave the ex doors permanently shut, doesn’t mean we cannot be friends & civil but that’s where it ends for me.

  21. Nancy

    September 19, 2014 at 8:00 pm

    Preach sister! I know exactly what you mean. I broke up a 3year relationship where we had just gotten engaged. At some point I had to choose me, my sanity, my self worth and accept that we both had very different expections of ever after. It was incredibly painful but I haven’t regretted it for one day.

  22. Bellemoizelle

    September 19, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    I dated someone who wasnt serious about me and thank God I found out when the relationship was at its early stage,I guess my mother’s prayers worked for me oo kai I would have been so sad if I got down with this guy ooo! Halleluyah! so last week this werey was telling me nonsense like he wants to see me and all and he was so sure I would succumb! I be like eleyi o gbadun ooo.Long story I dislike this guy so much cos he had not bad intentions but very evil one and he his trying to be my friend , its a No No I cant . I am sure I can be a friends with an excuse ooo. I love this article very nice and kind of an eye opener! Mz socially Awkward I like you,You so real! I wanna be your friend Nne ! Am a girl too make you dey mentor me….. La vie est belle…………

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      September 21, 2014 at 11:17 pm

      Girl, anonymity (or at least the reassurance it gives) makes it easier to bare one’s soul. Thank you and thank God for the avenue to vent which BN gives us.

  23. Tanya

    September 19, 2014 at 8:23 pm

    Case of the ex! Glad you were strong … some aren’t…. The heart vs the mind

  24. blazer

    September 19, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    I don’t mean to sound negative here,bt let’s be very frank with ourselves,nt all love story about ex can go like this,as far as am concerned,an ex is an ex,change all she likes,am never getting back together with her cos the inner nature that did the betrayer once is still there and can be re awaken by something else in d future…graciaz!

  25. great

    September 19, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    I applaud you for this beautiful write up. Particularly from a single sister. I often plead with my sis to let go of d past and not blame herself for past relationships. I am currently married, unfortunately I now realise I made a mistake. My hubby is one very ungrateful and self centred guy. He wasn’t ex , but I should have stood my grounds when he proposed. He only grew worse. I admire your honesty and courage for not being swayed . xx

  26. jinkelele

    September 19, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    OKafor’s Law

  27. Easy n Gentle

    September 19, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    It so happens that I learn from every break up I ever had, every mistake I ever made. I am a million times better than who my first gf met and a thousand time more than my last ex dated. I have never cheated on any, never will. If I meet an ex tomorrow, she meets a better man. Would you say she should ignore me just because I am an ex?

    I say to you ladies, no size fits all

    1
  28. teekay

    September 19, 2014 at 11:14 pm

    cant thank you enough for this write up,
    i had a bf who had everything but the only problem i had was he was very very jealous so we broke up and now when i tell people reason why we broke up i just get this talk ” you are not serz, you better change you dnt know you are old”’ at times i get confused. but i know it is well

  29. babygiwa

    September 20, 2014 at 12:01 am

    @great, so sorry to hear that. Hope u guys can work things out. This is a well written piece.

  30. Seyi (www.loveweddingsng.com)

    September 20, 2014 at 12:04 am

    Very very very lovely piece Ms Edozien …

    compromise is indeed different from self deprecation.

    Can’t wait for the next article…

  31. Dr. N

    September 20, 2014 at 12:12 am

    There is a trick d devil uses. “You r no longer a virgin, what r u still protecting?” He is a liar. It doesn’t matter what went down, SHUT IT DOWN! God told him u r not his wife, why r u performing wifely duties? U wan disobey God?
    On a serious note, put a huge gap between u 2. No more guys for some time, till u decide what u want. And stop feeling guilty abt whatever lies u told. Are u d 1st person to lie? Move on
    E hugs.

  32. Dr. N

    September 20, 2014 at 12:13 am

    Comment was in reply to @itk

  33. sexygalride

    September 20, 2014 at 12:20 am

    Dis may not be d right platform bt. I need advice I. Have been dating dis guy 4 5yrs nw and No talk of marriage his excuses re he is nt hving enough yet,few week ago we went 4 an engagement. Party. Right dere he was sending pictures of d couple 2 another girl. Telling her he is thinkin of her. I saw it later dat day and got so angry. My problem nw is I met dis guy he is great calls me often and. Wants me 2 date him I think I like him bt shuld I jst throw 5yrs of my life away,dunno if dis new guy is. Worth it. I cnt date 2 people bt my bf has been begging he always does dis begging when I catch him cheatin.wat shuld I do

    • Dr. N

      September 20, 2014 at 11:23 am

      It’s been 5 years? Do u want to take a hike or invest 10 more years?

    • cledges

      September 20, 2014 at 11:49 am

      @sexyGalride: by the timme u realize it you would have wasted another 5 years with this good for noting boyfriend u are hoping will marry u. I don’t knw what is wrong with us sister s, u hv caught him cheating severally, via phone or whatever medium and u think he will marrry u.. my honest advise to u is to take a run, not walk, u r wasting time. If he loves u, u won’t be the one asking for marriage, please don’t wait for pple to tell u wat to do, advise urself bfor u turn 40. Haba. The writing on the wall is so darn cclear now

    • bbaby

      September 20, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      really? i dont know how much value you place on your emotions o but if you do you will treasure and protect it. this guy does not have plans for you even in 20 years’ time. please and please move on

    • Miss

      September 22, 2014 at 8:19 am

      Babe, are u a learner? Better dump his ass before he dumps yours and move to the new guy. You can never tell. Five years is way too long for him to say he doesn’t have enough and besides money and other blessings increase when you are married coz God is involved

    • LET HIM GO

      September 22, 2014 at 9:52 am

      Any Guy that tells you marriage is not yet part of his plan or you should give him time is lying. I have been in such a situation before for 5years and he kept giving me series of excuses. He eventually broke up over a flimsy excuse and a year after we broke up this guy got married to a girl he had been cheating on me with. That just goes to show that he was lying all along. If a guy wants something, he wont continue giving you excuses of you “”giving him time to settle down” i was in total shock when he proposed and got married just within 11 months that we broke up. forget about the number of years uve spent with him. If you don’t free yourself now, he will be the one who would break up with you and move on, an that is the most painful thing. Protect ur dignity Girl……
      I can go on and on, My own experience is a very terrible one and i can write a whole book on it

    • Ada Nnewi

      September 22, 2014 at 10:58 am

      Pls ehnn package those five years ehhhnnn, go and buy 5 litres of petrol, package those 5 years outside your house, pour the 5 litres of petrol on them and burn them while praising the Lord for delivering you from bondage!

    • MJ

      September 22, 2014 at 11:46 am

      five years of emotional abuse and lies and you want to wait? I’d say break up with him, hold on for a few weeks with the other Mr so you can be sure of what you are walking into. We your BN sisters don’t want you walking from frying pan to fire. 🙂

      Another thing, don’t be surprised if he gets married in a few months after you leave him. Its happened to me and so many other people (Men inclusive) who have been in relationships with people undeserving.

      Best wishes!

    • tracy

      September 22, 2014 at 1:25 pm

      i was in the same situation as you.
      i prayed for a husband(not just a boyfriend),saw texts from random women,calls,he gave me all sorts of the attitude “i dont care about you” i hanged onto the relationship hoping for things to get better this was after 6years of dating..i found out that he even told his friends that he was not ready to commit that was the dealbreaker for me.
      during the bad times a guy out of the blue started giving me calls,texting and for once in my life a felt loved and needed..to cut the story short,after only months of dating we got married and have a baby together..to me its not about just cheating its how a person treats you and does he see what you see in him?you might see a husband while he sees a plaything or sidechick..

    • jhennique

      September 24, 2014 at 8:49 am

      lol. oh so u want to make it 10 years before u realise “the earlier the better”.?

    • marie

      September 24, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      pls i would advice you to get on with ur lyf if u really luv dis new guy. ask ur bf whr u both want to be in lets say 2 yrs tym… rememba time waits 4 no one

  34. La belle

    September 20, 2014 at 12:21 am

    You made a fantastic decision glory. I have been married for five years and you know what, I had my first dance with reasonable certainty that my husband will always hold me close no matter what kind of music life throws at us. I felt secure when I knelt down in my wedding dress to feed my husband, knowing that his respect, love and support for me will remain steady through our years together. I trust my husband and he takes care of me spiritually (he prays for me more than he prays for himself), emotionally (he is my rock), financially(I have never lacked and I am also content with whatever he brings to the table) and even when we fight he remembers that I bleed just as easily as he does.

    It is achievable ladies, there are still good men out there but we need to look-out for the right things, I told God that I wanted a man who loved him and that was my no 1 criteria and he gave me my heart desire. Let us not be too bothered about who is family is, what tribe is he from, what car does he drive, does he live on the island or the mainland and so on and so forth. When I met my husband we were corpers, a particular female corper was all over him, she did everything under the sky to date him, am telling you, this was in a very remote village far away from civilization and here was a fine, six foot tall guy without a babe and a chick with an hourglass shape on his case, most guys even if they don’t want to date her, will start sleeping with her, but he refused and would always nicely wade off her advances, the girl was frustrated, I was shocked, this was the first time in my life that I had ever met a young principled man. There were so many attributes I noticed about him, he had a clear vision, a purpose, he would read his bible for hours then share with me what he had read, I was in awe, cos this is a VERY FINE Lagos boy that does not drink, smoke, womanise, I never caught his eye straying after a woman, I was in awe. I became his close friend but never made any advances towards him and guess what he didn’t ask me out until after our service year.

    We started dating, he got an ok job, I also had an ok job, he didn’t have a car, he was living with his parents, my friends didn’t understand how I could take bike(okada) with my boyfriend but all of that didn’t matter, sorry my comment is quite long but to cut a long story short, we dated for four years and never had sex, his willpower was stronger than mine I must confess. Some months before our wedding he got a fantastic job offer, we now own our house in lekki, he treats me like his queen, he loves me realllll good and I am glad I waited, he is a faithful husband and a loving father.

    My friend who tried so hard to discourage me from dating him back then because he didn’t have a car and doesn’t live in lekki, is still single and waiting for the single guy that owns a range and a house in lekki and I keep telling her that she needs to join the queue, cos most single guys that live in lekki and drive a range rover have so many girls on their case. It doesn’t mean she won’t get her heart desire but she said no to many guys including potential husband material cos of this reason. He’s living on the mainland today does not mean he can’t live on the island tomorrow and he is living on the island today does not mean he can’t live on the mainland tomorrow.

    My 2cents advice for single ladies is, don’t be moved by material things, if you get a God fearing, hard working, purpose driven man, make sure you hold him tight and don’t let anything sway your decision, you also need to take time to pray to God to confirm if you are making the right choice and most importantly you need to LOVE and FEAR God. God is the master match-maker, may he continually direct and order our steps in Jesus name, Amen.

    • cledges

      September 20, 2014 at 11:53 am

      La belle, your testimony and mine are almost the same. Please ladies let’s learn fromher story

    • Cee

      September 24, 2014 at 9:45 pm

      GUUURRRL!!! Preach!. I love it. This really encouraged me.

  35. Love

    September 20, 2014 at 12:48 am

    Right! So technically i would not call him an ex just yet, but he was a potential boyfriend i met in Nigeria. For a month we were very close and he asked me multiple times to be his girlfriend but i obviously avoided it because I knew it would be long distance, and i was not too sure about him yet. ANYWAYS, i am back in the UK now, we spoke for a while and now he’s gone silent, possibly because he felt he was doing all the work. My question is, do I entertain him if he decides to come back around? I don’t get it!

    • slice

      September 20, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      Women women if u were the one calling ur frd and she kept ignorning u, wld u keep calling. If u want the guy, I suggest u pick up ur phone and call him. Life is nt a fantasy. Yes u can stay and keep hoping he’ll call again but why nt just call him. The guy probably thinks u r not interested

    • ceeceelicious

      September 20, 2014 at 5:46 pm

      But Slice if you read her comment, you’d see she said they’d been chatting prior to the sudden silent treatment. Why would he just suddenly go MIA? doesn’t make sense to me….

    • slice

      September 21, 2014 at 3:40 am

      because she explained the reason for the silence…she wasn’t giving him the green light. the guy wasnt calling for a gisting partner. from what she said, he was showing interest and she wasn’t doing the same so the guy stopped calling. she said “we spoke for a while and now he’s gone silent, possibly because he felt he was doing all the work.” that right there usually means dude is doing all the calling and making all the moves.

      if she’s now interested, then she should call him. she doesn’t have to say i’m calling cause I want to date you now, she can just call him to talk about one thing or the other and any sharp guy will take it from there if he’s still interested.

    • Ceeceelicious

      September 20, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Hi Love, I think i could give you a lil bit of advice here cos I’ve been in a similar situation only difference was that we were both living here in the UK sef! I dumped that guy faster than I blink my eyes and never looked back because I kept thinking, ” If he cannot make that effort now and win my heart, when will he? When we’re in the relationship? mtcheww!! He might as well keep it moving…. aint nobody gat time for that. Try that silent treatment on me without a tangible reason why and when we’re still trying to figure out if this thing’s gonna work and I’d dump ur ass like hot potatoes

    • Ceeceelicious

      September 22, 2014 at 9:39 pm

      I’m still gonna disagree with you Slice. There’s a saying that, ”If guys really want to get with you, they’d do everything to be with you” and I’ve seen this first-hand and you might have as well. That doesn’t guarantee a lasting relationship though but it sure helps to sift the very serious guys from the non-serious ones. If a guy aint willing to stand the test of all that ”shakara”, then he really doesn’t know what he wants period! Women know what u’re worth and the real deal who would truly appreciate your worth would definitely come in due season.

    • jhennique

      September 24, 2014 at 9:03 am

      @ceeceelicious You think its every guy that has energy to be chasing one woman all over the place for a long time? this is 2014, women are plenty outside

    • jhennique

      September 24, 2014 at 9:01 am

      that guy may never call u again. u decide what u want, its u who has to make a a move now.

    • Ceeceelicious

      September 24, 2014 at 7:43 pm

      And your comments right here @ jhennique is the reason why these men in 2014 have no respect for women. Who wants a man who thinks that women are plenty and therefore he is doing me a favour by chasing me. Maybe you do but I certainly don’t.

    • Ceeceelicious

      September 24, 2014 at 7:46 pm

      * are plenty outside

    • Ceeceelicious

      September 24, 2014 at 7:54 pm

      And may I add that guys I’ve set free in such manner have at some point wanted to come back into my life but then again I’ve set them free cos that means no one wanted their sorry asses and they are looking for where to latch onto. E no go work!! Bottomline:- Know your worth and that way you wouldn’t settle for less

  36. The LeftOvers

    September 20, 2014 at 1:35 am

    This write up seems to leave one with the impression that inter-tribal romantic relationships within Nigeria still pose a great problem to couples.
    What with all the marriages that take place inside and outside the country, are there still parents who are averse to marriage between a Yoruba person and an Igbo person? Particularly from an obviously well educated and cultured family as both of the couples in question look to be?

    It looks like the main reason for it not working out was the cheating part. That can be difficult to deal with. It has happened to so many people but what can one do? You’re not a spirit so you cannot be in 2 places at once. Usually such things can also be a sign of immaturity..or an unwillingness to commit, both of you were still undergrads.

    Good thing you ended it back then for the right reasons.

  37. The LeftOvers

    September 20, 2014 at 1:48 am

    In my experience, try being hotly pursued by a guy for months and then you finally agree to go out on a date with him. Upon showing up for the date, he has a very large, fresh and conspicuous HICKEY a.k.a. a love-bite on his neck!
    Meaning, he already has a girlfriend. This also means the girlfriend knew he was trying to see someone else, and put that hickey there as a warning to her rival to…back off!
    Meaning that the other girl is his main love, otherwise, why would he patiently allow her to gift him with such a love-bite less than 24hrs before meeting up?

    See how this life be? Na wa.

  38. ceeceelicious

    September 20, 2014 at 4:00 am

    Chai!! Dear Ms Socially Awkward, if you ever read this, just know that no one in bella naija fam loves you more than I do. I mean I don’t comment often on here but I love my BN and girl do I look forward to ur comments or what? You’re an amazing lady and an inspiration to alot of pple on here especially me and I’m @ the top of the list of those who wanna be friends with you lmao!! I keep wondering how can one person be this awesome and why the hell are they not my friend in real life#diaris God o!Abeg do a BN meet up or something here in the UK,nne you’d be amazed at the turnout lool!!#Igbo sisters repping#my bestie in my head#I can’t believe I just wrote an epistle for Ms Socially Awkward but I don’t care=D

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      September 21, 2014 at 11:34 pm

      Your message just brought me such warmth that I can’t describe, ceeceelicious. Truly cannot describe…. In fact, we need to hug it out – BN, where’s that meeting at, ohhhhh??? 🙂

      Seriously, babe, may God bless you and bring something incredibly beautiful into your life this coming week for my sake. Thank you.

    • ceecilicious

      September 22, 2014 at 5:38 am

      [email protected] Socially Awkward!!!*warmest hugs* Amen!! and wish you more my darlingxxxxxxx I’m so glad I was able to give u that indescribable feeling…..Oya BN our eyes are on u for that meeting at ooo lol!!!

  39. ceeceelicious

    September 20, 2014 at 4:13 am

    Back to the article, nice write up Glory and I particularly love how the title doesn’t really give much away about the story as I was alarmed at first and expecting to read an article on tips to take back an ex. Definitely learnt some life lessons and it’s such a breath of fresh air to read about nigerian single ladies living in naija who know what they want and wouldn’t settle for less amidst all the pressure from society. If this story is based on real life, then kudos to you girl u did good!

  40. JM

    September 20, 2014 at 4:27 am

    Hi all. this is to all ladies who are dealing with an EX. This couldn’t come at a time I needed to vent.. I would like to throw a pity party but no it wouldn’t be one. I would like to share a testimony.. I am a Christian. And it’s not an easy journey… but I have learnt to love myself. My motto is honesty, belief the best in yourself and others. God loves us all.
    I love seeing people happy and when they share their problems I advice them wat I will advice myself. I know am imperfect as well so ie y I give people several chances as in friendships. this people have taken for granted and look at it as a weakness.
    An Ex contacted me, nothing more just saying hi… I have to add this EX has proven on so many occasions untrustworthily and a liar. I have always honestly stated we should be friends. To be honest I noticed he was hurt and tried to understand why bc he has hurt me on several occasions. I wasn’t happy he was in that much pain. So I prayed to the Lord y is he hurting. Let me tell u I had totally forgotten y we broke up. So I remembered and I gave him all the points.
    The camel that broke the back he screamed at me that don’t I forget and that he was young and told me I deserve all the hardship I have being going through. This is somebody that emailed me when I was bereaved how sorry he was for my loss.
    Before hand while we were having that conversation I had a warning from the Lord. The Lord allowed him to expose his true self.
    This infact hurt me. despite us having broken up.. he could call me in the blue when he needed help I will provide and likewise. Nothing ever sexual (just to know) mostly phone conversations. He complained that he could have been married by now that bc he choose me, he isn’t .I did tell him he was getting married soon. By the prompting of the Holy Spirit . What I didn’t tell him was I wasn’t his wife and the Lord cautioned me seriously about him. the later info’s were not for him but for me.
    I always congratulated him when he achieved something. But him telling me I deserve all setbacks… open my eyes to the crocodile I was dealing with.

    I always depended on God for my provision.. But as earlier pointed set backs upon set backs over 10yrs and recession hit me well,my faith so low. I asked him for connections for a job.. He called me lying oh I got a job I had u in mind. Oh send ur cv, oh he finally confessed that he could not give me a job.. he stuttered when he said that I knew all along he was lying but he could also give a job if he wanted. Years ago despite having broken up he was in my predicament. I encourage, gave faith, positive words and gave connections. told him not to give up and keep pressing on…

    (I have to say I ve come to understand that the way they c life will not make them c how they r being selfish.. especially as you given them a second chance if they r unrepentant cut them off from ur life.) Repentant being they change and try to build your trust…
    I was naïve, I should have kept my distance and being cordial… We also have to take responsibility we attract what we have… Know ur self worth… The EX in question is now married I know he hasn’t changed.
    Jobs are hard to come by. Men also are hard to come by. Please I know it’s not easy..

    PLEASE always have first question is this my friend or not.. Ur intuition or the Holy Spirit will tell you straight up. Knowing God loves you and your self worth will open doors for a lot of good things in ur life. Always have a good opinion that God loves you and good opinion of urself. As in the religious factor of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean u have to rekindle friendship, forgiveness means u have to be cordial. Don’t be guilty that peoples opinion of u trying to define if you have forgiven them or not. Be independent of people’s opinion. Expect good things for you and for your enemies or those who have hurt you.
    This last paragraph is my testimony.. I have grown.God bless JoanM

    • Peace

      September 24, 2014 at 9:14 pm

      Other soul ties can do things such as allow one person to manipulate and control another person, and the other person is unaware to what is going on or knows what is going on, but for no real reason, allows it to continue.
      Clued from internet

  41. Asake-Okin

    September 20, 2014 at 5:32 am

    Very nice write up Gloria
    “compromise is different from self deprecation. The line is between acceptance of my partners flaws and my appreciation of self is a dark blue and not a faded grey” #words

  42. BlueEyed

    September 20, 2014 at 5:44 am

    Nice write up. I have always stayed off the case of the ex, because that ex became an ex for a reason and no sooner would it re-appear again. In my case, all my exes for reason I can’t explain still wanna be friends and occasionally remind me of the good times (I hv no idea what they think it’ll do to me) but I always leave no room for any imagination or lack thereof. Even the ex I thought was the most solid, And I nearly gave in , but put my foot down and let it go

  43. Madrid

    September 20, 2014 at 9:51 am

    God Bless yhu Le Belle!!! That’s like the most soul-reaching pep-talk have heard this week. Ladies take a chill pill….and never forget this…YOU ATTRACT WHO YOU ARE,NOT WHAT YOU WANT.

  44. Nwa Ara

    September 20, 2014 at 10:38 am

    Old firewood dey catch fire quick.
    Na from clap hand dem dey start dance.
    Let us leave the exact quote of the law you mentioned, BN might not post my comment if I state it in full.

  45. Noms

    September 20, 2014 at 11:21 am

    Hmmm. N and I were childhood friends(from secondary school). I was friends with his gfs because were so close dear gf(s) always thought we were dating. FastForward,N and I started dating officially when he wrote is last exam in the Uni and I was going to my second year. We were really great friends/lovers,our parents and friends knew about us and all . . . N shared his NYSC (7500) with me*smile* he was that nice and generous. I prayed 4 him,encouraged him . . .he got a job in the banking sector,got transferred to Lag after about 2yrs and all was still good. We talked @ least twice every day,lots of sms’ saw in during xmas and all other holidays. I graduated and N wanted ♍ƺ to serve in Lag,being a “good” girl,I wanted God’s will to be done. I was posted to the East and N wasn’t happy at all. I wasn’t either. I cried but nothing could be done. And this was were it all started, to the best of my knowledge. I visited lag once during service and after then our communication really drifted apart. I tried to reach him,even got another line because of network issues. All of a sudden,a particular name Miss”A”kept coming up in N’s gist of how his day went. She was in our school and knew we were dating in” in love”. To cut long story short, he got engaged to Miss”A”. I didn’t get any explanation for anything. He kept on saying was I too good for him and I wasn’t there for him when he needed ♍ƺ(as per serving in Lag). People had different opinion of why he left, some said it was because weren’t having Sex or I didn’t have a job then or my parents “didn’t have a big name” they said all sorts. None of these reasons made sense to ♍ƺ.In my mind,somehow we were meant to be and God will take control. Our families were close so were ran into each other @ family events or our mutual friends parties. He always ends most of our gist with “God has the final say” which still gives ♍ƺ hope. Hold on, I was hoping(cried, lost weight. . .) for years then decided to start dating again because I thought I wasting my life. I met some guys who really loved ♍ƺ but I guess I have become wiser and not ready to take some certain things are normal and I was looking for a connect. With N,I knew he was having sex with other ladies because I wasn’t giving him and I consoled my self then he was a “guy” and needs sex,and should get it somehow.
    Have I learnt any lesson,yes. I kept praying not to miss anything God was trying to teach ♍ƺ. This brought ♍ƺ closer to God because I have never prayed for anything as mush as I prayed for us to get back together and for him to be a better person.
    In all this, I still try to be friends with him-yes,I love him. He is still the first person I want to tell stuffs-whether I’m proud of them or not. I don’t hate him but I guess he isn’t comfortable being friends with ♍ƺ even when he still said I meant a lot to him a few weeks ago.
    My Ex(feel so uncomfortable addressing him as an Ex) is having his introduction today and its not with Miss “A” I dunno if Miss “A” is even aware though Miss”A” parents didn’t allow their union,some spiritual(cele tinz-revelation).
    Hmmm,we always talked about writing our story N n I but I guess God has a different story for our lives. I wish him all the best. BTW,I will be 30 in a few months, still a virgin(though it doesn’t matter to some) but I have no regrets. I know a good man who will be there for ♍ƺ,who will love ♍ƺ and be faithful and feel my pain as well as I feel his, is out there. Why he hasn’t found ♍ƺ yet,only God knows. I trust that God will ♍a̶̲̥̅̊kε̲̣̣ all things beautiful in His time in my life. I have become wiser,stronger and still developing myself to be a great wife,mother and lots more.
    I’m not a writer and don’t have a style of writing. Pardon ♍ƺ ,just had to share.
    Thanks Glory, well written.

    • J

      September 20, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      Hi Noms, my advice to you is to really feel your void with the love of Christ. Please ask God to give u strength. U might think this is 4giveness and all. but let me tell you you might not recognise it now. him confiding in u while he is gettx married. once married his confidant has to be his wife not you. boundaries sister… please I don’t want you to be hurt again. he has been honest with you that you deserve better and he didn’t honour your relationship. what makes u think he will honour your friendship or his marriage. he doesn’t seem to know how to deal with relationships..

    • Noms

      September 22, 2014 at 10:24 am

      Thanks J. I know our friendship sure will have boundaries. I want to be my hubby’s best friend too not some Ex being his confidant. Limits in mind.

    • jennietobbie

      September 21, 2014 at 3:30 am

      Good job, Noms!! Focus on you

    • jhennique

      September 24, 2014 at 9:11 am

      Hi Noms, I know how it feels like. Hang in there, your man is around the corner.
      You seem to have a good heart, God will bless that heart with someonw who deserves it

  46. Noms

    September 20, 2014 at 11:25 am

    Choii,pls pardon the typos.*covers face*

  47. the queen

    September 20, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    beautiful write up. I hv never really liked getting back with an ex. it never worked for me. I broke up with my ex in feb dis yr. it ws so painful. I never knew I wud survive it. we hd issues like everyone else in relationships. d last quarrel we hd, he jst said there’s no point getting bk together. it ws strange cos he ws adamant and said we were nt compartible. wow!!!!!!!!!!!! dat really hit me. cutting d long story short, I moved on, thank God, I got a better job so dat encouraged me. In may, we spoke and he said we shud see, he stopped over at my place, after chatting he wanted to make love to me. I told him NOOOOOOOOOOOO dat chapter is closed. thank God I was strong enough to resist him. In august, I ws on facebook and I sw he got married in August. I said to myself thank God, I resisted him the last time we sw. cos he ws abt getting married at the time he came to my place and still wanted to make love wit me. we as ladies shud jst b careful. cos sometimes this so called ex may think they r doing us a favour by coming back into ur life. May God strengthen us, IJN

    • JUMJUM

      September 22, 2014 at 9:36 am

      please let him Go, don’t hurt yourself anymore.

  48. foodilicious

    September 20, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    I agree that an Ex is an Ex for a reason jare, I was in a relationship for 4 years, walked away, one year later we came back together (note he sought me out) over a year later bumped into my girlfriend in law (apparently as we were both girlfriends). My friends said it was cos we didn’t have sex (*who knows) walked away. I let go so I maintain a civil relationship (of course after dealing with heartbreak, e no easy ooooo) . Four years later I’m so grateful to God that I did cos at the end of the day u rea
    lise that it turned out that way because God looked and said “girl u deserve better”.

    • J

      September 20, 2014 at 1:56 pm

      good one girl. no sex no emotions and soul ties….

  49. peyton

    September 20, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    I have never understood the concept of taking an ex back(something in my brain just shuts down) when a relationship ends we become distant friends and there is no room for getting back together because really there is a reason it ended and those reasons persist if Glory had agreed to get back together with tayo chances are that sooner or later she will be faced with the issue of his fidelity(not necessarily because he is cheating) but because your mind cant forget that little voice that will always speak, as will the issue of her being Ibo.

    Personally when a relationship ends let it go move on and be civil with the ex there is no pretending to be besties or good friends that is just another disaster waiting to happen, i kept a good friendship with an ex to the extent of him calling and coming to visit me after i had moved away for a while i just let that chapter die a natural death.

  50. jegede

    September 20, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    Omo this article dey live ooooo.. hashtag truth!

  51. xoxo

    September 20, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    “How to take back an ex”, nice write up Glory. I agree with you to some extent, and like you rightly said, “people change and they deservesecond chances”
    Well, here is my story……. (hmmmmm it’s long, but i just had to share)
    So, i started dating my first boyfriend at the age of 18 and he was 19.We even used to study together (JAMB wahala etc)
    Eventually, we got admitted into different universities both in Lagos. All was well, and good he was my first love , best friend etc .We were both in love.
    Fast foward, about 3 years into our relationship, he started acting funny. Plus he is very good looking,and he had a lot of ladies on his case. Even though i never caught him physically with anyone but i saw one or two text messages on his phone . Besides, i just wasn’t comfortable with his new attitude ( he was acting like he needed a break) and i didn’t trust him anymore.
    So i decided to call it quits, and decided to break up with him. During that period i kept saying to myself “If he truly is meant for you, somehow, someplace you guys will be together again”. I was so heart broken, it was so painful……..

    Of course, the break up was hard on the both of us, and we hated each other. For 4 years after our relationship ended, we hardly spoke , and we were both angry.Although,every year he’d send me the occasional birthday greetings via email. We moved on, dated other people, in my case i was soooo soooo unlucky , “kissed a lot of FROGS” hoping to find my Prince Charming”.

    I left to further my studies in the UK, and he relocated to the US.
    Along the line he started keeping in touch, told me he was sorry for the way he treated me, that it was due youthful exuberance etc, that he had and he wanted us to get back together again.
    I was skeptical and besides i really wanted to come back to Nigeria after i was done studying abroad. I was afraid, even though i was falling in love with him again. I was really scared, and i did’t want tho go through the whole “long distance wahala” (been there 2ce and it didn’t work out for me). But, i decided to take it slow.I also took my time so we were just friends for almost 3 years . Besides, he didn’t give up, i gave him a lot of ATTITUDE, but he was sooooo persistent, and patient. During that period we both drew closer to God . Over the years we had both matured , spiritually, emotionally and professionally . He had really changed, i even got to see him twice when he visited Nig.

    When i felt i was ready, i decided to give him a chance. 6months later he proposed ,and a year after we got married (So, we got married after 12 years after we met).
    I eventually ,joined my husband in the U.S. Got married to my true love, i’ve been blessed with a , God -fearing , handsome, caring, loving husband, and a beautiful daughter.

    Sorry, for the long epistle , but sometimes ” taking back an ex” could eventually work out . You just have to be sure the person in question has really changed for the better,(look out for some signs) also take some time out to rejuvenate yourself (don’t just jump back into the relationship) , follow your heart, listen to good counsel and be prayerful.

    • chu

      September 22, 2014 at 12:10 pm

      Love this, there is no one rule for all, its the principle that matters, what to look out for before deciding to take back an ex or not.

    • jhennique

      September 24, 2014 at 9:16 am

      Data what i kept saying to console myself wen my ex broke up with me. We loved each oda like crazy, i dunno how it all turned sour. We still good friends cos there was no cheating or disrespect involved, we still confide in each oda and stuff. if hez meant for me, somehow, someway God will make it happen. But i aint keeping my eggs in that basket. Let Gods will be done.

  52. Tincan

    September 20, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    Wow! I thought I had the worst break up experience but reading the comments on here – a part of me is happy that one’s love life is sorted. God was exceedingly gracious to me sha (thank you Jesus). My heartbreak was so bad that it was it took a prophecy from the pastor in church to re-centre me ( and God bless my then pastor, he had no idea what I was dealing with) AND a 3 day fast to begin to break the pull/hurt/pain/confusion that I was feeling at the time. As God said, today I have a good man, not perfect but definitely good. God does not fail so for those on the journey, hold on. Ms. SA, you are on my mind as I type this.xx

  53. fast forward

    September 20, 2014 at 5:45 pm

    I shud av been strong enof to say no wen he asked us to get back togeda…but d sound of his voice,d familiar scent of his perfume got me enchanted once again…Worst mistake of my life….Now I’m hurting so much and I have no one to talk to…He wanted jst sex…I was such a fool!!

  54. Fast forward

    September 20, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    I shud av been strong enof to say no
    wen he asked us to get back togeda…
    but d sound of his voice,d familiar
    scent of his perfume got me
    enchanted once again…Worst
    mistake of my life….Now I’m hurting
    so much and I have no one to talk to…
    He wanted jst sex…I was such a fool!!
    I want him to pay!

  55. encore

    September 20, 2014 at 6:13 pm

    Dear Ladies, you must realise that men. are very decisive. That ex walked away because he was certain you weren’t the ONE.. Most times an ex calls back it is only for one thing : sex. The ex girlfriend is a such an easy target for such jerks!

  56. Queen

    September 20, 2014 at 7:41 pm

    Hmm. Everybody seems to have said it all. Little or nothing to add again. Ladies, please wise up. He’s called an ex for a reason. No need taking him back. I thank God for the point I am right now in my life. It might seem hard to let go in the beginning which is understandable. Afterall, you were once lovers. But we just got to find that inner strength and move on without looking back. Talking to God also helps as iv come to realise. May the good Lord always guide our decisions.

  57. Serendipity

    September 21, 2014 at 12:09 am

    I have missed articles on BN. This article hits close to home and has unglued a thousand emotions inside me. No words…yet.

  58. christabel

    September 21, 2014 at 12:21 am

    My ex walked out of my life after 8years of dating, I asked him several times the reason behind it he said nothing that it was better for both of us. I remembered how many times I cried my self to bed everynight. I stayed with him when he didn’t have a job, he got a job and walked out after 3months. Now he wants us to be friends,he finally told me why he walked that he has a girlfriend that he is trying to love.but everynight he pings me that he is horney that he misses me and all other crab.

  59. jennietobbie

    September 21, 2014 at 3:17 am

    “Time is a funny thing. It has a way soaking up the pain and stain of scars, leaving only a faint recollection of the cause of injury.” #irememberme chaiiiiii, there’s God ooooo. Never EVER settle for less…there’s better and best (in case you want to compare)

  60. papermoon

    September 21, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    from experience, i realized dat thinking about an issue magnifies it and actually makes it looks worse than things actually are. thinking about a breakup actually makes it confusing and more painful. what i do is
    tell God i am hurting and dat i ve handed all de hurt over to him

    then i get a notebook and write about everything that happened and how i feel abt it.
    with time, writing gives me perspective and help me not to blame myself unnecessarily and also to give meaning to warning signs dat were always there but dat i ignored or dd not notice. writing really helps.

  61. Oreoluwa

    September 22, 2014 at 2:47 am

    Apart from the fact that I don’t like the idea of getting back with an ex. Works for some people, but personally it is a NO NO NO.

    I love this write – up.

  62. Eny

    September 22, 2014 at 9:19 am

    Ha, Glory! God bless you 10 much!!! You just made my Monday morning after another weekend of weddings, new babies and endless prayers that my time would come.

    “My goal isn’t just to ‘say I do’. I don’t want to throw my bouquet dancing to “Single Ladies” because I have finally been catapulted to Mrs Status. I want to have my first dance with reasonable certainty that my husband will always hold me close no matter what kind of music life throws at us. I want to feel secure, as I kneel down in my wedding dress to feed my husband, knowing that his respect, love and support for me will remain steady through our years together. And to have that I must trust whoever I give my life to in marriage. I must trust that he can take care of me emotionally and spiritually and even when we fight he will remember that I bleed just as easily as he does”.

    So, I’ve learnt to say goodbye. Even when friends don’t see why the matchmaking they try never works out. I will always be Yoruba, I would always be a born-again Christian and I need a man who accepts me as that!

    • JM

      September 22, 2014 at 11:57 pm

      besides my dear this matchmaking … I find it annoying.. coz most guys have the notion like they are doing you a favour….. hahaha abeg who agree with me so…

  63. brownsuga

    September 22, 2014 at 10:25 am

    really enjoyed reading this especially the last sentence. very relatable…

  64. Fre

    September 22, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    Sigh. Almost the story of my life. Kept reading Tayo as another name, unintentionally.
    Doesn’t help that both names start with a ‘T’

  65. Grown Woman

    September 22, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    Chai all this break ups stories eh as one of the BN commentors once said “what is love/life without a little hurt or little pain to make us grow”….Prayer is really key when finding a partner always.People have become really wicked these days.

  66. benita

    September 22, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    why is he called an ex it is because it is past nd should stay past forever as for me d moment it is over u are shut off from my life completely and forever i can never go back to it tried it once though but didnt work for me one love to all the commenters

    • JM

      September 22, 2014 at 11:55 pm

      My dear, experience is really the best teacher. I wish I had clued this in my soft heart.
      I felt sorry for people other than myself.
      But now so my eye don tear!
      Men have egos. despite being on the wrong they will want to revenge.
      Any body that disrespects you doesn’t know your value.
      I am now taking my time, God loves me, Know my self worth, know what defines me as a woman and a person.
      I wish I wasn’t friends with my EXs. right now… they are married and flaunting it to my face. God is my strength..
      Please oh girls who are in abusive relationship; it could be verbal or physical.. Our testimonies are to strengthen you all to make the right decision in your life and not repeat our mistakes.
      Those who are still VIRGINS- I take all my clothes inside my cupboard beg you to remain a virgin until you get married. May you all have favour like Rebecca and be in your matrimonial home. If you are horny or lonely or peer pressure call Jesus Christ to help you out. Always ask God’s opinion in regards to an intended.

    • Noms

      September 23, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      [email protected] . .take all my clothes inside my cupboard take beg. . .
      Abeg, wats your size? make i come take the clothes.lol

  67. Biggest survivor

    September 22, 2014 at 6:24 pm

    I took them back not one oooo, two exes. but now i know more than before that it ends for a reason, and particularly that i am a queen and deserve all the love of a king, my own king. A man who will love and respect me. I know my self worth in my present circumstance and i will hold my head up high, and walk out proud. my daughters will be called queens and my sons will be kings, because their mother will be their father’s only queen. Now when i boot my door it is chasing you out for ever no looking back not even through the window

  68. Africana Family

    September 23, 2014 at 12:15 am

    Do you take back one that is threatened by your success? Most women are enterprising these days and its a major challenge to relationships. If he is uncomfortable with your success b4 the breakup, it will continue when you take him back.

    africanafamily.blogspot.com/2014/09/enterprising-women.html

  69. Larry emeri

    September 23, 2014 at 3:42 am

    Beautiful article ,I love every bit of it.hey ladies please don’t be carried away ,you deserve the best.

  70. Frances Okoro

    September 23, 2014 at 9:40 am

    Sometimes, the ship has sailed and should be left to sail away..
    I thought of this when a “nearly would be suitor” reached out to me yesterday and people do change,yes, but I just reminded myself that I should never forget the reason why he was an ex in the first place…it takes a lot to go back and it should always be for the right reasons with certainty that the past won’t repeat itself.

    imperfectlyperfectlives.com

  71. Ritzy

    September 23, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    Of a true, life is about give and take, guys and babes, do have there excesses, but every thing happens for a purpose,

    Once had a very nice and quite an interesting friend sometime back, we were friends, we could talk about anything with always a note of respect in every words that we spill from our mouth, but he had a problem of always wishing that i was more like a goddess, and from every word that came out of his mouth, myself kept telling me to run for my dear life, no matter how close we were i still reasoned him as a wrong choice of spouse,

    So i went into prayers by telling God that if this Guy is a wrong person, make him leave on his own but i still want to remain casual friend, cause i was learning something from him, but you know God and his ways, he made me to know that i may ask him for the things i feel i need/want, but he is the one that calls the shot, that he will give me the best, so my friend called me up for no reason and told me that we should call it quit. so i looked up and said thank you God for i would have made a grave mistake, for my dreams towards him at that time was not just good. so he left on his own, i mean out of everything for we are not even friends, and seriously i did not feel it, i was like thank God. it was for the better. but i feel the need to call him, for i don’t like the idea of one calling me an enemy for no reason.

    • JM

      September 23, 2014 at 3:42 pm

      Hi Ritzy, thanks for sharing… I am really encouraged. I tell you the things God reveals ehm. I di shock but shock everyday. He truly knows the heart of mankind and their intentions. God bless

    • JM

      September 23, 2014 at 4:04 pm

      girl I have to say calling him.. Ehm can you self evaluate are you calling him because you want to validate your reputation?
      1. God has revealed to you who he is.
      2. Do people’s opinion validate you? Please check out Tyrese motivation speech on self worth this September 2014..
      My advice from my experience will be my dear waka di go left. Coz those who have revealed themselves to me in such a way are still evil. He who doesn’t respect you doesn’t value you.
      They need to reach out to God in their own accord and we need to pray for them and bless them.
      Ask God to strengthen you and give you peace. Any hurt the Lord will remove it.
      If this resonates with you please seek it. Don’t want you to be hurt or mistreated again. God knows your heart. God also knows his heart and revealed it to you. If it’s knowledge you want from this guy God can send another or guide you to reputable literature… Have faith in God and trust God…

  72. jhennique

    September 24, 2014 at 9:20 am

    The case of the Ex’es. Whew!

  73. daiva

    September 24, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    hmmm, take back an ex is risky biznez oh be prepared for the worst… but note to self I can never take back my last ex, d rest I can manage coz I like dating

  74. Tosan

    September 24, 2014 at 8:33 pm

    So I’ve ben dating this guy for 3 years+,he’s a good guy to an extent but I caught him cheating once and then we moved on. I’ve met his family and he’s met mine, I’m going be 30 in a few weeks and he is already 30. Even though things are going ok for him, he says he’s not ready for marriage and I don’t know why. Please advise. Should I hang on or let go?

    • Biggest survivor

      September 25, 2014 at 5:57 pm

      if he is not ready, babes let him go. Marriage is a big deal and trust me baby, you really don’t want to be in one with a man who feels he was obligated to marry you. letting goi is nor easy, but keep looking at the future, it will give you strength, don’t stop a today’s problem to create monstrous ones tomorrow.
      Call him up for a talk, (Serious one) ask him why he is not ready., tell him your options in a calm and matured way no need for sentiments. let him spill out his, weigh both together and if you want to wait, be free also if you want to take a walk , be free. but NEVER MAKE A MARITAL DECISION WITH SENTIMENTS OR EMOTIONS.
      Marriage is a beautiful thing, if the decision is mutual..
      P.S- ( am also going thru dis, big big cyber hugs)

  75. gloria

    September 25, 2014 at 11:59 am

    hmmmn so much to think about, i so much love u all 4 ur comments,m so short of words right now, i need 2 talk 2 some1 abt somtyn private if u think u can help wit a good advice pls dis is my numba 08072920260 thanks a million if u can, my name is gloria

  76. Just me

    September 29, 2014 at 12:17 am

    I have read everyone stories here, touching and different lessons to learn. For me, all I want from my ex is to acknowledge he was wrong. I have moved on, I don’t want him back but how he ended it was painful, all I want is sorry. After reading TD Jakes book on let it go, I realized the sorry I’m looking for might never come so I have to really accept the hurt and move on. Moving on is hard but it’s the best if you really want your sanity and an opportunity to find love again. There’s a reason he left, accept that he did you a favor and move on. Lesson to self.

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