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Busola Adedire: Highly Sensitive People

Busola Adedire

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After church on Sunday I watched as two little girls had a fall out. Girl A and Girl B were having an innocent conversation till their discussion led to Girl B stating that ‘some people can be bossy’ Girl A quickly chipped in ‘like you!! You are Bossy’. Girl B suddenly started to cry. Everyone urged Girl B, to wipe her tears and toughen up. In her mum’s words ‘I have to prepare her for the world, because people might take advantage of her’. I, an observer in this scenario could relate to this on many levels because it is who I was as a child. I cried too much and felt too deeply. Growing up, I have had to ask myself some hard questions about these traits. Certainly this can’t be normal I often thought, till I gained more knowledge and acceptance about my personality.

For people who are unfamiliar with sensitivity, highly sensitive people are people who feel both joy and sadness intensely. Some researchers claim it is a result of an over developed nervous system; others attribute this behaviour to environmental factors. I think these traits could also be genetically inherited. There is a big debate in the world of psychology about these factors and their contributing percentages but that is another discussion for another day.

So what makes a sensitive person who they are?

The Overwhelming Urge to Give Love
I love love, I love to help people. I love going over and beyond for people out of the goodness of my heart. It brings a sense of fulfillment and calm to me which makes me happy. But how do you survive in a world full of darkness, where kind deeds are often misunderstood and unappreciated? This was the one of the hardest things for me comprehend about life. The first time I experienced heartbreak, I cried every night for almost two weeks and vowed that I will never let any man make me cry again. I later realized that such vows are the reasons we have cold hearts in the world. Those who hurt people are not necessarily bad people but, we learn love in different ways and in turn give it back in different ways.

Assholes/bullies/mean-spirited People Are Attracted to Your Light
This ties in nicely with the aforementioned. Let’s think it through logically, who doesn’t want to be loved unconditionally? There is something about loving people genuinely that is incredibly attractive. On the flip side, those who lack the capacity to give love will be attracted to you for this same reason but will constantly put you down for having something they don’t have. A good heart bleeds often and you have to be prepared for that. Ps. Avoid Assholes.

Intuition
This is for the thinkers, the feelers, and the seers. This is for those who can pick up non- verbal clues, and those who feel the energy behind every spoken word. This is for everyone who can see right through deception and fakery. If there is one thing I love about myself, it is the gift of intuition. People lie, energies don’t. There are people I have met and immediately my spirit sets an alarm bell ringing. Of all things in life, the ability to see right through people is a big gift. Celebrate it!

Mood Swings
This occurs because you are processing different emotions at the same time. It ranges from anxiety to depression. Knowing yourself requires you to know your triggers. I don’t like watching the news and I avoid reading daily mail like a plague. Too much bad news can upset me for the whole day, and it is not quite easy telling people to snap out of bad moods. It is also important to keep positive people around you because negative vibes spreads easily. Another way of tackling this is through spirituality and exercising. (Ps. don’t confuse this with clinical cases of depression and anxiety. If you have suicidal thoughts, or constant panic attacks please seek medical help).

Quest for Solitude
Sensitive people disconnect from people from time to time because they need time to recharge themselves as people often drain them. This doesn’t mean they don’t love you, but please respect their space. They also avoid public/crowded places like malls, big events etc. It is not because the hate socializing, it is because they feel overwhelmed physically by human presence.

Masking Sensitivity
What the world teaches us is that vulnerability is weakness, and kindness is stupidity. As a result of that, sensitive people can mask who they are because of the fear of rejection.Rejection is a different kind of demon we all live to fight, and for everyone who have experienced it, the stories are similar. Also, people do develop a thick skin to aggression. However, just because they don’t look hurt or offended doesn’t mean they are not. Masking sensitivity can also manifest in different ways like explosive anger or passive aggression. Therefore, when someone acts out differently from their personality, take some time to understand why.

It May Affect Your Relationships
As you try to adjust yourself to live normally, you will need to do the same for relationships. For other sensitives who don’t know who they are, they could be misunderstood for being crazy because they will act out for unknown reasons. Let your potential partner know that you are a sensitive person. Identify patterns and trends in your life about sensitivity and make your request for space known beforehand.

Boredom
If you are like me, then you probably get bored easily. Find a hobby you enjoy as this helps you to retain your sense of self. Hobbies like creative writing, attending dance classes, gardening, sewing gives you the much needed time for solitude. Ps. people are not hobbies.

Sensitive people are everywhere, and it is always a good idea to be kind to everyone. Other traits of highly sensitive people include artistry, sensitivity to light and sounds, perfectionism and weak human boundaries. Feel free to add more in the comment section below.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime |  Photojogtom

I am sand magnet and sun seeker. Instagram : b__quaint I blog at https://onequaintrelle.wordpress.com/blog/

105 Comments

  1. A Real Nigerian

    May 26, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    Yet another poorly delivered two-bit article that lacks depth, humour and everything else required to make it intriguing.
    The grammar is okay…and that’s just about it. Nothing else.
    I’m sorry to say, but most writers that grace this website are just not good enough. They completely lack the ability to make you feel or think through their writing. It’s always just another “meh” topic or issue they write on – and they are still unable to pass it across as captivating.
    It seems everyone with above-average grammar wants to write these days.

    • Jane Public

      May 26, 2015 at 2:05 pm

      kill joy is here again. Since you can critic so well, how about writing your own. I swear, if you don’t send an article to BN using your avatar name, so we know it is you or at least give a hint it is you, in the next few days, then you are just a troll. Just in case BN doesn’t publish it on time due to their publishing schedule, let me direct you to wordpress.com. It is free. start writing there and include a linke to your blog, let us go read the words penned down by oh you wise one with above average grammar. Write let us see. Those who can, do, those who can’t complain.

    • bilbo baggins

      May 26, 2015 at 2:08 pm

      I disagree. I usually don’t have the patience for reading articles based on subjects like this, but I finished reading it which means I must have found it interesting…. I admit, my interest might have been sustained by putting the article in the context of a relationship i just came out of, and maybe that’s why I was uncharacteristically able to read completely…… I could relate basically

    • zeeee

      May 26, 2015 at 2:18 pm

      your thirst for attention is REAL!

    • Niola

      May 26, 2015 at 2:23 pm

      @ Real Nigerian, what is your aim of criticizing people’s effort? and you did the same to Curious’s comment on registering a business name. I never understand it when people sit behind a desk and spill out so much negativity. If you are not impressed by the article, please write yours and we will be fair judges or just do not comment.

    • Thatgidigirl

      May 26, 2015 at 2:40 pm

      there should be a name for this on bella naija. Just like all u have to do be insta famous is post fabulous pictures of your life on Instagram; to be bella famous you have to bash people and make outrageous attention seeking comments. What is wrong with this article now? Oya congrats you made it to BN hall of fame.

    • TA

      May 26, 2015 at 2:57 pm

      You must be one of the Assholes/bullies/mean-spirited People she just described. She didn’t force you to read her article abeg. It must pain you so much that you can’t write

    • TA

      May 27, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      @ Hello TA, i’m just wondering if there are 2 of us on BN.

    • Nwachidinma

      May 26, 2015 at 3:12 pm

      @A Real Nigerian…..Oya we are expecting your own write up. Thanks.

    • Ehiwarior

      May 26, 2015 at 3:13 pm

      We don’t have to be critical about everything., writing is no little feat. Well articulated thought @writer

    • onyeka

      May 26, 2015 at 3:36 pm

      your comment reeks of hate and jealousy.. if your interest is in constructive criticism, this is not the way to give it. you can build someone without first tearing them down… think about all the things you have achieved… were you good at it the first time off? Now imagine if someone was there to tear it down every time you tried… how would you feel? It’s a shame how we use the anonymity of the web to display a lack of proper home training. Please take some time to think about what you have done. I would have ignored you but yours was the first comment.

    • Fusion OAU

      May 26, 2015 at 3:36 pm

      Real Nigerian: you need to add, “this is in your opinion” as personally I find the write-up deep enough, educative and quite intriguing as i’m very sure a lot of sensitive people can relate to what the writer is trying to say…… no beef for you ooo!! but I think your opinion should be “your” opinion, we (BN readers) did not ask for it…… and if you are such a great writer/critique please write something and lets have a look… you will be surprised at what some of us may have to say……..

    • Moi

      May 26, 2015 at 3:59 pm

      Wow. Dude, really? Please enlighten us from your depths of creative wisdom, what has humour got to do with this particular article and style of writing??? Depth? Really? You want an exposé on the biochemical reactors and reactions in the medulla of sensitive people? Oga, go and read a medical journal!

    • Takeseveralseats

      May 26, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      You are plain mean. There’s nothing “real” about you, Nasty piece of work!

    • McKay

      May 27, 2015 at 6:48 am

      Reading your comments on various posts brings the full meaning of Assholes/bullies/mean-spirited to perfection!!!!

    • Phoenix

      May 27, 2015 at 6:09 pm

      it is hard to fathom that anyone can read this article and not walk away more knowledgeable and more aware of others around you. This article is very informative. If you are a person with, let’s say, a “type-A” personality, or someone who does not stop long enough to enjoy the naturally beautiful things along the way, having someone in your life that is highly sensitive can bring many joyous moments to your life. Why? Because they can often see the bright side of things that may appear dismal to many. Too, they have the natural ability to see, smell, and almost taste disingenuous people. who of us would not want to have that gift, or be associated with someone who does?

    • busola

      May 27, 2015 at 7:23 pm

      Finally someone gets it.

    • Lois

      May 27, 2015 at 11:01 pm

      And you are a classic case of a monster bully. People can relate to this article except you. Constructively criticize not wickedly pull down. You need help and please change your name. People like you give Nigerians bad names and tags among the committee of nations

    • PD Young Billionaire

      May 29, 2015 at 12:52 am

      I can identify with this article cos i am a very sensitive person.I am not a writer but for me, I think the article isn’t bad.Infact,I have started following the girl on twitter.

  2. Imma

    May 26, 2015 at 1:30 pm

    I can honestly relate to your write up. it was as if you X-rayed me from the core, i am the lovely, people oriented, sacrificial and very emotional guy when growing. i was constantly reminded and jeered to toughen up instead of people trying to understand my personality.

    infact many things made me cry and i am very sensitive to words, friends and siblings recognise that weakness and use it extensively to hurt, that make me to extremely non adventurous and extremely introverted. i can count on my fingers the birthdays or other social events i attended while growing up; not up to 3 and i am approachin the age when Jesus start his ministry.
    Even when i eventually had a first date at 25, my date couldnt understand me cos i love with all the love and give to a fault, she was maybe afraid or rather couldnt appreciate my good intentions and then she started cheating on me until i found out. That heart breakup make me to resolve not to ever trust any lady with my love.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts

    ………..The Chronic Emotional Guy

    • Phoebe

      May 26, 2015 at 4:42 pm

      Oh Imma! Seems the writer had me X-rayed too.. *sigh*
      God help me.. I actually thought my sensitivity was over the top, but I am really encouraged by this write-up. Thanks Oluwabusola.

      *bigbearhug* Chronic Emotional Guy..

    • nene

      May 26, 2015 at 6:09 pm

      you’re a good person. you’ll find a woman who’ll appreciate your giving and understand you well enough.

    • aj

      May 27, 2015 at 1:23 am

      awww Imma don’t worry you will find a wonderful girl! She might even be sending you a message on bella naija! loooooool.

  3. marlee

    May 26, 2015 at 1:30 pm

    this is just me me me. being hurt, hate hurting people, get moody and happy within two minutes, my children call me upredictable because i can blow hot and cold all at once. but i love myself just the way i am.

  4. evah

    May 26, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    *hmmmmmmm*
    Am a totally sensitive,self sacrificing person nd I can really relate..bt 2 bad am tryna b hard cuz dis world is full of mean ppl dat wants 2 take advantage of a gud heart…

  5. @edDREAMZ

    May 26, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said..
    .
    Am not a sensitive person at all and i dont mind keeping a negative person by my side… As long as we have an understanding am ok with that….
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • A Real Nigerian

      May 26, 2015 at 1:56 pm

      Wtf? Are you 12?
      Who advertises his twitter handle and says he’s “in Jupiter”? Why are you trying too hard to be unique?

    • Zee

      May 26, 2015 at 2:15 pm

      Please ignore him. It’s what he likes. If you yab him from now till eternity he will never react to bullies like you.

    • Amanda

      May 26, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      I might not be a fan of some of edDREAMZ’s comment. However, his signature phrase has always been “Currently in Jupiter”. Leave him alone. Your bullying and trolling that you started on this blog yesterday isn’t going to work. If you think the write-up’s here on BN are below par, then why do you continue to visit the site. Send your own article and don’t forget to add your screen name to it. Lets learn from the ohh so smart one.

    • Stephanie-feld

      May 26, 2015 at 4:32 pm

      Why are you trying so hard to be noticed. Leave ed dreamz alone and stop being a bully. Everyone on here knows that is his signature. He is not going to flinch no matter how hard you try.

    • tiny colored miracle

      May 26, 2015 at 5:54 pm

      Lol,u want to be like bruno,by force wannabe…irris well with ur soul…..gerrarahere!!!!

    • Californiabawlar

      May 26, 2015 at 9:14 pm

      Lmao!! They will soon start diagnosing mental illness for trolling o….my dear social media is for relaxation, why are you tighting the world on your chest? I always have just one response for your likes and then I sit back and watch sh*t spiral out of control, lol.

      Let’s look who’s talking about people trying hard? Ed dreamz might not share the most popular opinion, his grammar and syntax might be off for the most part…but I dare say he’s very original and consistent… You on the other hand are one of the dime a dozen pseudo intellectual trolls out there on Internet.
      Enjoy your new found fame and notoriety, hope it makes your life a little less sad for now, cos after a while folks won’t even read much less respond to your blabbering anymore. That’s when you’d have to start making outrageous alter egos up (as if the anonymity that wordpress affords us is not enough) just to get noticed…maybe you’ll call yourself an hemaphrodite, maybe you’ll change your name to ‘The royal majestic real Nigerian’ and ask us as your imaginary subjects to bow down…. I don’t know where this road will take you….but It’ll be fun to observe ?.

    • Tosin

      June 7, 2015 at 5:17 pm

      thanks for drawing my attention to his twitter handle. 🙂
      i think he’s cool, seems i’m not alone in that 🙂

  6. tickled

    May 26, 2015 at 1:38 pm

    Yep, sounds about right.

  7. adebukky

    May 26, 2015 at 1:41 pm

    wao. this is me even at 40yrs and all ur theories are so right. Ihope i can deal with it from nau on.

    • Yinkz

      May 27, 2015 at 8:09 am

      You are 40 years and still type ‘now’ as nau. Mummy, bio you need to go back to school

  8. coke

    May 26, 2015 at 1:42 pm

    Did you write this for me? i think you did.

  9. rose

    May 26, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    Wow…I love this article… This just describes me in a nutshell….

  10. bruno FIERCE

    May 26, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    the writer of this article just described me.

    ” Assholes/bullies/mean-spirited People Are
    Attracted to Your Light”

    bad horrible people are attracted to me.

    I attract bad people with horrible behaviours like a magnet. I just don’t know why.

    ” The Overwhelming Urge to Give Love”

    this is me. I always want to solve everyone’s problem. I always want to bring joy to everyone around me. I will make a fool of myself just so I can see a smile on ur face.

    i can’t say the word “NO”. I find it very difficult to turn down somebody.
    if u carry a gun and shot one of my eyes today and come back tomorrow and beg me to give u my second eye, I will give it to u.

    this is not normal at all.
    because of this people have taken advantage of my kindness and my goodness.

    I have started telling my self “u are not father Christmas so stop trying to make everyone happy”

    I have started hardening my heart and I swear it feels good I won’t lie.
    nigeria is not a country to be kind, nigerians are wicked heartless people, they will take advantage of ur kindness and u will end up feeling like sh!t and full of regret.
    why did I help that nasty person, that is what u will be asking ur self.

    • Zee

      May 26, 2015 at 2:17 pm

      Thank goodness you posted this. From your comments it is obvious you are a troubled child. Omashe. I expect you to reply with abuses. Those are the easiest signs of a troubled person.

    • bruno FIERCE

      May 26, 2015 at 4:02 pm

      @zee

      b!tch stay in your lane. don’t come for me.

      that was “bruno” (the normal one) talking.
      this is bruno FIERCE (the crazy one) talking now. if I were u I would tread carefully. mumu

    • Babym

      May 26, 2015 at 3:18 pm

      hehehehehe Bruno oooo, perhaps you can show this nicer side of your sensitivity and ‘bring joy’ to people when you are responding to comments 🙂

    • huh?

      May 26, 2015 at 3:38 pm

      Liar liar.
      This article describes your opposite version.
      You are a callous, nasty, rude being.
      Your utterances are typical of one devoid of feelings.

    • lola

      May 26, 2015 at 3:42 pm

      Awww…. one would never have pegged you for a nice person. I see where all that “ur gra gra” comes from. Shame to bad people. Keep your your good light shining. XOXO.

    • Seriousky

      May 26, 2015 at 4:31 pm

      Well, you attract negative people because you are also very negative/pessimistic. You like that type of company, it either gives you a false sense of security or you are just a confused person with major issues that needs to be addressed.
      Some people have become so mean, bcos of life experiences. If put in a different environment might behave differently. And some people no matter what environment or life experiences their positive or negative traits will always show. Which helps you to know them better and aware of what you are dealing with.
      Many people who claim to always want to help others, carry other people’s burden, is it a genuine help or just for them to feel good about themselves. When they don’t get the same response or expectation they get so hurt. Life can be brutal sometimes, the most important is staying true to who you are genuinely.

    • Amanda

      May 26, 2015 at 4:36 pm

      brubru- You need to show more of your nice side here on BN

    • nene

      May 26, 2015 at 6:11 pm

      true talk “nigeria is not a country to be kind”. they think you’re a fool when you’re extremely nice and good.

    • tish

      May 26, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      If this is the real you, then where is the one that comments on BN? You chose an alter ego with totally opposite qualities. You are extremely negative, so expect to keep attracting your likes.

    • Tosin

      May 27, 2015 at 8:09 am

      bruno nwanne, this is confusing.

    • Lois

      May 27, 2015 at 11:09 pm

      You are not alone. I was like you until my friends at the university hardened me real good. I have my all to any relationship and got trampled on. By the time I healed, my then friends couldn’t fathom it was me again I learnt how to give a bomb for a banger. By the time I started working, I perfected how to deal with the horrible people I tend to attract. Small time they learnt to ‘park well’ as a friend will say

  11. tunmi

    May 26, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    I recommend taking the Myers-Briggs test, it may help put some aspects of your personality in perspective

  12. Debmara

    May 26, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    This is so me.

  13. serene

    May 26, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    Every thing you wrote is so correct…its like you just psychoanalyzed me. Especially the bit about needing to be alone to recharge sometimes, no body ever gets it, but I do what I need to do to feel fine. Switch off my phone and shut everything out. Its good to know there are people like me all over

    • Seriousky

      May 26, 2015 at 4:42 pm

      @serene

      That’s me. I think, I even take it too far sometimes which I’m working on. I need to be alone so much, just to recharge myself. Sometimes, not recharge just be alone peacefully. I know it sounds narcissist but I enjoy being by myself. I’m not depressed, that’s just me. I enjoy hanging out with family and friends too but it has to be when I feel it not just randomly. I dated a guy, opposite of me. Loves to be in company of others, be center of attention, make other laugh and that drove me insane. I’m sure, i drove him insane too bcos he didn’t understand my need to constantly be alone. We broke up. I’m currently, dating a guy similar to me in that aspect and it’s driving crazy bcos of that we don’t get to hang out the way a couple should especially when we live in the same state. You can’t have two people that way.

  14. stelly

    May 26, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    Dis is sooo me. Having a strong sense of self is the key. Know ur self sooooo well dat u can see thru a fake statement or a true one. I hav learnt dat out of envy or anger, people say hurtful tins dat arnt true. Study ur self, know strengths n ur weaknesses, magnify d good ones, above all feel and act confident @ all times. It’s not easy cos am still working on myself oooooo

  15. pissed

    May 26, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    You are indeed a serious troll! O ye deeply intellectual pls do speedily serenade us with your own profound ‘intelligence’ and ‘wit’. Instead of sitting behind your phone to criticise people who seem to have a life . I seriously would like to meet you in person, tight ass bully.

    BN I will be deeply upset if my comment gets screened out!

  16. Ladydoctor

    May 26, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    This is me to a T. All 3 of my children are exactly the same way.

  17. princexx

    May 26, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    Beautiful, self related

  18. princexx

    May 26, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    Beautiful piece

  19. Elena

    May 26, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    Great one… So true

  20. Simi

    May 26, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    She described me perfectly. Wonderful article.

  21. Iou

    May 26, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    This is mostly me. Although I must say I’ve been blessed to attract the right kind of people in my life, right friends( I don’t have a lot)right spouse, it may sound weird,but I don’t relate to stories of heartbreak, I’ve always felt a “knowing ” when guys ask me out, there was this guy I dated that everyone thought was a “hard to come by type of guy” but I didn’t have peace in my heart, one night In my dream someone I knew from childhood warned me three times to break up with this guy, it was very difficult for me but I broke up with him, solely based on ” my spirit” .what I later found out about this guy was shocking(he was engaged to someone else). On the other hand when I met my husband I had 100% peace, I also had a dream about humans in the dream we were old, holding hands and walking down a road together, we’ve been happily married for 10 years now. It’s all thanks to the Holy Spirit, who has always led and directed my life.

  22. mz_daniels

    May 26, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    Okay, I love this article. I really do but I need to point out something from comments here;

    1. Be sure your ‘giving’ and ‘loving’ isn’t subconsciously a selfish desire to be loved; Give people chances and when they do, love them and yourself enough to diplomatically create a distance.

    2. Love yourself completely and don’t feel the need to prove you’re good; Love yourself enough to know you have nothing to prove to anyone.
    3. Release the people you love and help; God who is love said to the children of Israel ‘I have set before you life and death’ even Jesus doesn’t force us after dying for us, So please when you’re nice to people, remeber you gave to nature an nature will pay you back. Let people be.

    4. People are good; All these self righteousness about being hurt by people; you have been hurt, you have hurt people. It’s a truth and this is because humans aren’t perfect. You are not the only god person.

    5. If you only attract bad people and retain them, maybe you should check your light and be sure on a subconscious level, you don’t recognise this as a way to be loved. Psychology 101, we accept what we recognize as love.

    Conclusion, love yourself completely, love others with the love of God but remember only God cannot fail you.

    • Anonymous

      May 26, 2015 at 4:55 pm

      Your words are thought provoking. Totally love your comment. Thumbs up!!! We all should endeavour to be genuinely good to ourselves and to others without any form of expectations. No human is perfect; We’re all a work in progress. Hence, our expectations should be directed to God cause He alone never fails. He assures us in his word that He will bring us to an “expected end” (Jeremiah 29:11, King James version). Therefore, do all you can to be right with God, trust Him, expect the best from him and you will get nothing but the best!!! 😀

    • m

      May 26, 2015 at 5:13 pm

      Yasssss Mz_Daniels so spot on.
      That self righteousness piece I co-sign 100%
      I find that some highly sensitive people are not as sensitive to others but there’s that self righteous air about them like they are the only ones that hurt or have a right to be hurt. For instance, little miss sensitive in the example above that burst out crying when girl A called her bossy after she just said some people are bossy. Please sensitive people evaluate yourselves well and with all honesty, be sure you are not guilty of the same thing you are upset with someone else about and then proceed to get over yourself if you are guilty. Consider the motive or intent of the person that “hurt you” and see if it was just a poorly excecuted action on their part.

      I dont like feeling like I have to walk on eggshells and scruitinize everything I say around close friends – one light hearted joke can just ruin the whole thing. What I’ve learned this past week is I’m going to call each one of of my HSPs out when they are doing their own to help them realize they are not innocent. I’m not letting anything slide again.

    • papermoon

      May 26, 2015 at 10:36 pm

      M, yes some sensitive people are extremely judgementaI and tend to dwell on the negative side of things, it’s not intentionally, it’s just the natural tendency of the sensitive mind. Sadly, they judge themselves even more severely than they judge others and imagine all sorts of things wrong with their lives. They also imagine all sorts of standards they believe society expect from them. This is what brings about the apparent “self righteousness”, we need to appear upright in the public eye. This actually leads to unnecessary ANXIETY and other personality issues. It’s all in our heads and it’s a lot of mental stress. it takes the grace of God to know something is not right and even more grace to change the way of thinking.

  23. Unlooking Reader

    May 26, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Can BN please block this ” a real nigerian” person from their site? Your own is just to drop negativity on all the post, biko get out of here.
    & leave @edDREAMZ alone jo , that’s his signature style of commenting, both on BN and LindaIkeji

  24. cindy

    May 26, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    Says a real nigerian? Abeg you both are the same, as childish as they come. Don’t try to sound better.

  25. Minime

    May 26, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    Wow, this is me! My mood swings are like that of a pregnant woman, am a people pleaser and always want to be on my own. Hardly go for weddings, birthday parties etc, always cancel at the last minute. As for the assholes and bullies part, was actually thinking there is something i am either doing wrong or not doing to be attracting them.

  26. Anonymous

    May 26, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    This article has just summarized my personality. Meet me and you’d know for an instant that i am highly sensitive….trust most times it not a good skin to be built in because its very easy for people to take you for granted

  27. A Real Nigerian

    May 26, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    Wow. I express my personal opinion on how most articles I read here are poor and some angry vultures decide to swarm around and pick on me. And they call me a bully? Since when did it become an offence to criticise something I feel is substandard? Should I start weeping and tone down my bluntness because some oversensitive e-people got hurt?
    Oh, I get it, you all can’t stand being told that what you like sucks, eh?
    It’s not negativity, it’s just the bitter truth – at least to me. Seeking attention? Laughable. Troll? Do you even know what a troll is?
    Well, I’m not surprised by your reactions, because the Nigerian society is one where mediocrity is accepted and encouraged.

    • Jane Public

      May 26, 2015 at 5:17 pm

      and what have you wise one done to counter act that mediocrity? Suggestion repeated ad nauseam, change the situation by showing us what is better. Since we are mediocre, go write your own. How long do we have to wait oh dear one. Since you are the one that has the gold standard measurement for mediocrity. If BN keeps posting articles that you don’t like, perhaps you try the Financial Times website or something. Wait, that may just be too intellectual for you.

    • oyindee

      May 26, 2015 at 7:18 pm

      Jane public,one million likes for your comment,,,where do I send your kiss to?,you should also think about writing yourself,i love your tone

    • Elle

      May 26, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      I don’t know why people are bothering with you. You call yourself a real Nigerian. Bravo, spot on. Nigerians liiiiive to complain and whinge. It is a national sport. They can complain about the “mediocre” situation, in fact that word should be in our national anthem, but what will they do to improve the situation? Just like you real Nigerian, NOTHING.. You picked the right name. So like the rest of the Nigerinas who complain, how are you going to remedy the situation? What is your solution to “mediocrity”, it sure can’t be more complaints or defending your right to complain, because news flash, that makes you mediocre as well. Any idiot can comain, but it takes an intelligent person to do something about the situation. It is quite obvious which camp you belong to because you’ve been going around BN showing yourself. You’ve become that which you complain about. A Nigerian true to form

    • pissed still

      May 26, 2015 at 6:05 pm

      @a real nigerian. Troll= ugly by nature =YOU, I usually don’t do this but I just feel deepp in my spirit the urge to reply you. It is pple like you who are the problem in nigeria, never appreciative of people’s honest efforts, in your warped mind you think you are better than everybody else maybe because you managed to get a good education or something in an overseas university in maybe Togo or Kenya

      There’s a big difference between constructive criticism and belittling a person’s effort, you know what keep riding that stupid high horse, just do you k? You are probably too old to change. You sound like a 50something year old guy with mommy issues. Try Jesus.

    • tish

      May 26, 2015 at 6:26 pm

      Blame everything on the Nigerian system, even your poor mental state. You have been weeping for a long time and it hasn’t changed anything yet. You can stop now. The bitter truth is that you are a bitter person, so you can’t express yourself rationally.

  28. me

    May 26, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    dis so me, sometimes I wonder if dere r oda people like me cos am so weird, tank God am nt alone. Tanks for dis busola

  29. lacey

    May 26, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    This is an excellent article! Well written! This is so me and I do not apologise! I do not allow or give room to fake people and negative personalities! To thyself be true! You are going to go places and good luck! Please for those who do not see the depth in this article,shallow you are and will be! As for the deep thinkers keep your reasoning faculty working! God bless!!!

  30. Ay

    May 26, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    I am not very sensitive but from what i observed, A lot of sensitive people have chronic inferiority complex and they constantly need to be validated. Not all have this but most of the ones i have met have it.

    • lacey

      May 26, 2015 at 7:41 pm

      I know your type walking around feeling superior! But deep down empty and shallow! Please define complex! I guess you a wretched being whose family lives in Ikotun Egbe Gets scholarship to America because you are intelligent but overly craft! You try to sell yourself the American dream and forget your roots!So out of touch of reality,drives a car in America and take excessive loan to feel hype,while scavenging on others! But in the real sense a nobody! I took time out of busy schedule to reply a predator like u! God bless your darling soul and your stupid head!

    • Ay

      May 26, 2015 at 11:00 pm

      Why are you so stupid? You aptly described me without knowing me, you are an idiot, i gave my opinion instead of reasonably contradicting me, you start with name calling. You just proved my point with the Inferiority complex issue. Typical Nigerian Mumuity. Get out of the little bubble you are living in and get your head examined.

  31. papermoon

    May 26, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    apologies for the essay but i feel i must share this anyway.

    Nice write up…..I used to be sensitive too, i still am…. My greatest fear was that people were judging me and that people did not like me. It was all in my head and this made me really nervous most of the time.

    I had a lot of negative thoughts and saw only the negative side of things. One day, I stambled on the bible verse “AS A MAN THINKS, SO IS HE/SHE” Since then i decided to start meditating on positive things. I set an hour aside every day to repeat to my self “I LOVE JESUS”.

    This seemingly pointless repetition drew my mind away from the negatives and focused it on love. All of a suddent, I wanted to find out more about God. With time i realized that my mind was not overly critical of myself anymore. I discovered love for my self. Then i realized my mind was also not trying to determine what people are thinking or trying to interpret people’s behaviours towards me. I realized that i did not care much about what people thought and I did not take other people’s misbehaviour towards me that seriously. It also became easy to approach the person who offended me and tell him/her i did not like something. I did not bottle up emotions anymore.

    Because I was sensitive, I could not take criticisms at all, but now, i know criticisms are not the judgement on the sum of my existence. I take what is relevant and let the others go.

    MEDITATION is good, especially for sensitive people. It redirects the mind and focuses it on what you want it to focus on. Choose carefully, what you focus your mind on now, come two or three months, will become your mindset.

    We tend to think meditation is an eastern religeous practice but it has helped me turn my mind around, however with bible verses. I believe when the bible said to meditate on the word of God, it meant just that.

  32. Anonymous

    May 26, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    This is me right there…sometimes I wonder what planet i came from, i am so emotional, so vulnerable, I am happy and sad @ the same time, i cry over little things, i always have an inituition about an event before it happens, i overreact sometimes and I have realised people esp guys tend to take me for granted.My last relationship, i cried almost everyday for a month and I lose so much weight. no new relationship after 2 years.Sometimes, i just feel no one can ever understand me even my family members..i hope i dont die of a lonely heart…..

  33. Melin

    May 26, 2015 at 7:08 pm

    Ignore the first comment. Great article, I can definately relate 🙂

  34. oyindee

    May 26, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    Spot on!this article describes me,but I an confused as to my own person,I masked mine with the ‘I don’t care attitude’ and I found out that because I was overweight I felt pple judge me by my weight and so unconsciously I just withdrew into myself or just want to be alone and fantasise about being slim and being a model lmao ,i would cancel on wedding dates at the last minute and decide to see a movie alone(who does that),fast forward few years later,i lost some few kgs and I tot that I would like to go out more often and all but alas it dont,there are a few times I want to show off my new figure and decide to hang out with frds and go out more often,but it just for a moment….am a very fun and lively person to be with,but i just sumtimes switch off…..maybe am mixed lol,

  35. chigirl

    May 26, 2015 at 7:40 pm

    10000000 likes to AY & Papermoon comments!… I wish ur comments had come sooner, I used to be ALLL of those things the writer talked about but deep down i knew what the real issue was, i was very INSECURE, didn’t love myself and had serious self esteeem issues!!!, I lacked confidence & constantly felt d need to be validated and loved up on, Until i began to confront my truth, i did not get over it. No one owes you anything. Quit scrutinizing everything people do or say to you, people arent thinking about you like you think they are. It is very selfish to hold people to standards you created for them in your head. Put our love, be good to people & never expect anything back…Throw out the guards, get over yourself and be free to live.

    Totallyyyy agree with u @Papermoon, i didnt get over my insecurities until i began to meditate on God’s love for me. It cured me of those sensitivity symptoms….lol

    • papermoon

      May 26, 2015 at 8:10 pm

      Chigirl, thank God we are witnesses of what focusing on the LOVE OF GOD can do. It’s simple, cost nothing and amaaaazing……….. Now these three abide, love, hope and faith but LOVE is the greatest. FOCUS ON LOVE. I thank God for your life Chigirl!

    • Ay

      May 26, 2015 at 11:04 pm

      My sister had the exact same issue, I am glad you saw reason in what i wrote. I am happy you found your confidence, May you not lost it again.

    • Neeya O.

      May 27, 2015 at 9:16 am

      Ye! Shell!! Gbagaun!!!!

  36. Busola Adedire

    Oluwabusola Adedire

    May 26, 2015 at 8:26 pm

    Thanks you for all the comments. I enjoyed reading them. One thing I want to point out is there is no right or wrong way to be. As individuals, we are all living stories and various things contribute to who we are, and how we act. I don’t consider myself to be better than others, neither do I consider myself to be perfect. This article was written as an encouragement to those who have battles with self as a reminder that we are more alike than different. I have studied and will keep studying myself like a book and I urge everyone to do the same. x

    • Busola Adedire

      Oluwabusola Adedire

      May 26, 2015 at 8:27 pm

      *Thank*

  37. chukwukadibia

    May 26, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    All I can say is thank you BN

  38. minnie

    May 26, 2015 at 10:35 pm

    Love the article,welldone Busola.Expecting more writeup from you because you are a real talent.

  39. regina

    May 26, 2015 at 10:46 pm

    Very well written, i will advice every person that are very sensitive to read Susan Cain book about introverted and sensitive people, its an instresting book and she is also on Facebook.
    You can ask her any questions that can help you out or that can help you understand your situation better.
    Peace and love to you all.

  40. Rt

    May 27, 2015 at 1:13 am

    Haha BN commenters you guys are hilarious.Almost all of you claimed to relate to the article…. Oh Wait,like seriously..Really?!! #bandwagon.com
    I’m out>>>

  41. tunmi

    May 27, 2015 at 2:21 am

    Ew, so much abuse in the comments.

  42. lacey

    May 27, 2015 at 3:55 am

    AY I guess,I must have touched a nerve and you must be very silly! You first came here to insult people who were reasonably talking about their sensitivity as people who had inferiority complex! Go and look at the profile of the writer of this article,before you come here to spew your ignorance! I do not come here to insult people,I come here to enjoy myself! This article was written by not just anybody,but somebody who had done research and is drawing inferences from her professional work and relating to reality! I will say it again,you have a very silly mind!You should be on Linda Ikeji and not here!Nutter!

  43. Tosin

    May 27, 2015 at 8:00 am

    o dear.
    i like flat boring people. please don’t come and be cray all over my area and tell me it’s your giving, sensitive nature. Jesus was self-sacrificing, but he wasn’t an asshole.
    i did like the article tho 🙂

  44. tope

    May 27, 2015 at 8:52 am

    Love this article Busola. Great piece and great insight into people’s emotions too.
    You know we all go through this upheavals emotionally, they help us grow and mature …..

  45. TK

    May 27, 2015 at 11:12 am

    I enjoyed every bit of this article! I can relate to it

  46. lacey

    May 27, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    AY how won’t your sister have issues! With a brother like you who would have demoralized her personality! My dear I am at the level I am today because I have brothers who believed in my ability and to be frank with you it is very clear that you like to put others down.
    I read my Bible and I am a dedicated child of God and so all of you coming here to say until you found God you had low self esteem! I am still wondering because for me until I found God I had superiority complex and held myself very high until his word in proverbs directed me to humble myself and he will exalt me! So I found humility with God o!
    Although we are all different and we experience God differently! I never thought low of myself before finding God! But finding him made me a better person and less sensitive to negative people and attitudes ,especially to people who will come to tell people they are cray or have inferiority complex. For those have found their self esteem from the meditation in God’s word!God bless!

    • Busola Adedire

      Oluwabusola Adedire

      May 27, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      I found some of the comments quite amusing too . With regards to sensitivity, my history goes as far back as my childhood, before I knew anything called confidence or low self esteem. I come from a reasonable family full of love, so this is not about deep seated issues. Using myself as a reference, this is not about low self esteem or lack of faith or spirituality, neither is it about feigning kindness to be liked. If you met my mother, you will understand.

  47. Busola Adedire

    Oluwabusola Adedire

    May 27, 2015 at 9:04 pm

    Just to add that I struggled with accepting sensitivity as a part of me, and at some point waje’s song ‘I wish’ became my favorite anthem. On other days, I would blame my personality on my mother’s genes. Now, I have made peace with it, and I know how to tackle the weaknesses that comes with it. I believe in everyone lies unique traits which may not necessarily be everyone’s cup of tea, but there other people who value these qualities. In a world that constantly tells you how you should be, I celebrate my uniqueness, I do not apologize for it, and so should you!

  48. Eunice Adebayor

    October 23, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    Nice writeup, keep it up!

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