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Etcetera Pens New Article & Explains Why Men Cheat in ‘Simple’ Analogies



EtceteraFormer musician Etcetera is back with a new article for his weekly column and this week he seeks to explain why men cheat.

Using analogies with Eba, Colour, Chinese food and more, Etcetera attempts to make his explanation as simple as possible.

Read and share your thoughts.

When you heard the news that Toke Makinwa’s husband impregnated his girlfriend, you all took to social media to rain insults on Nigerian men. Why men cheat on women they love became a topic for all female radio presenters in the country.

Aren’t you all tired of asking the same question over and over as if it is some perplexing unfathomable mystery?

Your question is rhetorical, but since it keeps coming up again and again, let me provide some explanations to help you understand the reasons. I will simply tell it like it is, with
no bull, tact, or political correctness.

It’s just that oftentimes; women do not accept the explanations. But in fact, one can understand it through common sense. Sometimes a man would cheat on his wife or girlfriend because he doesn’t love her anymore; he is bored with her, or even possibly unhappy with their relationship.

In such scenarios, even women can become unfaithful as well. Women must understand that men are fundamentally different from them and wired differently too. We all know this but feminists try to suppress or deny this universal fact. A man craves variety and seeks novelty, while women prefer familiarity. Men will naturally desire variety when it comes to romantic/sexual partners more than women will. Men easily get bored by the same thing every day or a routine and we are sometimes afraid to voice this.

Think about this. You ate your favourite eba and egusi soup, and on the second day that you ate it, the pleasure would be noticeably less than the first day. And after a week of eating it, you’d get tired of it and start to strongly desire to eat something else. Your desire for that eba will have diminished at that point.

I know what you are thinking now, “You can’t compare food with people” right? That’s the typical female reaction to this analogy. However, I’m sorry to say that this analogy does apply because it’s one of the best and simplest ways that it can be explained.

I am not trying to objectify people. But by accepting such an analogy, it will start making sense to you that men are more visually stimulated than women are. And when a man relies on visual stimulation for arousal, the stimulation wears off at some point, which then requires new stimulation from new women. Got the drift? In other words, visual stimulation is a sensual thing that is fleeting in nature and requires constant variety in order to maintain the stimulation. Thus, men who seek visual stimulation will require variety from more than one partner or lover.

Women often argue that “true love” never gets old. But the notion of “true love” is indefinable, very personable, and highly subjective. And even for the sake of this argument, if we agree that “true love” never gets old and never wears out, that still doesn’t change what we’re talking about here.

You see, even if a man has true everlasting unending love for his woman, he can STILL desire another woman he fancies. That’s what our women have to understand, rather than cling to naïve clichés of society. A woman’s heart tends to be able to love only one man at a time, a man’s heart is different and can truly love MORE THAN ONE woman at a time. This might be hard for you to accept, and unfathomable to your values and beliefs about “love.” But it is the truth.

A man’s heart is molded differently with multiple chambers that enable him to love and desire multiple women. It’s like a tree with different branches, rather than just one. Men usually won’t admit it, because our society doesn’t accept this, but condemns it.

Ladies, to understand this, think about all the different colours you love. You love pink and sky blue, or red, blue, black and purple. Now, can you like more than one colour at a time? Of course you can! You like the different colours in different ways, on different things, and for the different ambiance and mood that each colour accentuates, right? Likewise, you can like more than one type of cuisine right? Can you like Chinese and Italian foods at the same time? Of course you can. Even if society said you could only like one type of cuisine, it wouldn’t make a difference, would it? After all, society may attempt to create mutually exclusivities, but reality doesn’t.

These are painfully obvious examples, and I am not arguing that people are like colours or food, but such simple analogies do describe what’s going on inside those who love more than one person or like having many lovers. Just because a man tells more than one woman that he “loves her,” desires her, or has feelings for her, does NOT make him a “playboy” or “liar.”

He is not necessarily “playing” in terms of acting, nor does it mean he is using people in some sort of pretend “game” where he doesn’t care about their feelings. These are just false judgements by the society especially a feminist or female dominated society like Nigeria is fast becoming.

To some women, it doesn’t make sense and doesn’t fit their definition of love and loyalty. But it’s the truth. That’s reality and you’ve got to accept it if you want to try to understand it. Not all men unequivocally attach loyalty to true love. Society might do so, but not all human beings do. What women have to understand is that being in a loving relationship does NOT automatically erase one’s desire for other people.

Of course, men who have multiple partners often do have to lie to the women they romance, by telling them that they are the only one when confronted with the issue. So that is one area in which men commonly lie. However, it doesn’t make them dishonest people in general. It’s just that since most women cannot accept that their partner can pursue someone else beside them, demanding total monogamy in love; men with multiple desires for multiple women are FORCED to lie in order to prevent chaos and failure in courtship. There is no easy way around it. And that is the case even if they are generally honest men. (After all, who hasn’t lied? Everyone has at one time or another, so stop pretending to be an angel!)

Loving or desiring multiple women has nothing to do with right or wrong, or being good or bad. It is simply a lifestyle and often these men are simply expressing who they are. Thus, infidelity does not make a man “bad” in a moral sense. Often, these men who romance multiple women are tender, caring, good-hearted, loving, nurturing people. Some are even deeply spiritual or religious.

He doesn’t love you? My dear, the line between love and lust is blurry and subject to personal opinion. There is no universal objective measuring stick for differentiating between “love” (which has so many different meanings anyway) and “lust.”
In reality, a man can find the perfect woman, who outshines the rest in his life, and can even have a perfect relationship with her, but still look at another woman he finds attractive and desires to court her, romance her, and experience the wonders and pleasures of her femininity as well.

Some men get a “high” or adrenaline rush from courting, romancing, or seducing new women, in a way that nothing else can, and thus are addicted to it.

My ladies, there are no perfect solutions or answers to everything. Just accept that some things in life are just meant to be endured, not fixed or solved like an equation.

Adesola is the BellaNaija Head of Content and Digital Ventures. She is a BN stan.. Yes, things are that serious for her when it comes to She's a lover of gist, novels, music, and food. She's constantly trying not to take life for granted. She spends most of her time either keeping up with the world on the Internet or sharing some acquired knowledge about digital media. She is passionate about using her voice to speak against injustice, especially towards women. To communicate with her directly, you can hit her up on: Instagram - Twitter - @Adesola_AU


  1. Tina

    July 18, 2015 at 6:51 am

    Say what you like about this guy, he’s a good writer

    • Kaeto

      July 18, 2015 at 8:49 am

      So basically pastor e.a Adoboye has sexual relationships with more than one person ( he might be inlove with) and all other popular pastors in Nigeria ( allegedly) . In other words monagomy is a myth. Raising a male child to think like this or consider it to be natural well, can see it your way, according to your article. You know is funny, many so called white people thought of it to be natural in enslaving blacks for hundreds of years-guess what we are not slaves anymore in foreign countries and you are not subject to be kidnapped for slavery. Oh wait, Catholics ruling majority of the world and it being natural or god’s will to be in charge of world, hey! Democracy and people have taken power away from the church in many progressive countries not backward Nigeria. Stop!! was is it not natural to have women has second class citizens in major parts of the world,-now look at us, we rule nations, own major powerful countries and you speak of this idealistic dispicable article. Like, how Hitler so it fit to end a race ( Jews), homosexuals, because they were natural distaters ( according to my understanding), my dear, please get more exposure in life and stop making excuses for breaking marital vows, or why get married. It is simply a joke to marry and break all the vows even one ( that’s the essence of marriage) or isn’t.i know some men in Canada stay loyal to their wives ( well that’s what I see) because Mehhn if you Cheat, guy you gone go broke, she takes about 70% of your valuables ( average citizens gets the hit) and some kids here are not raised to agree with you, do they don’t act like your article. I agree with your article tho to some extent and I feel that the moment a guy sees someone that tops all others, especially if he has done all the imaginables, he will not need to risk loosing such a dime.

    • Q

      July 19, 2015 at 9:36 pm

      This chap is saying it as it is. Look ma’am, either you like what he is saying or not, guys are naturally moved by the physical and Mr writer is right. Is that the way it should be? I am a guy and I will say NO! The guys in Canada will do their best to hide their true feelings from their wife cos of what they stand to lose, but that doesn’t reflect their true state. It does not mean they are more committed cos I know what they do when they come to naija for OPCom and FINCOM meetings. It’s like paradise for them.
      Personally I think the solution to cheating lies with women, don’t accept the advances from married men or men that are in committed relationship, Pls stay clear of them, no matter how hard it is, stay clear. Men will hesitate more knowing 60% of women will not agree to date them, cos of their status, unlike what we have now, ring shining and blazing, women still love going with these guys. Men are heartless take it from a guy. We don’t have a heart when it comes to sex. Most guys actually have compartments as stated by my oga writer.

    • Tosin

      July 20, 2015 at 10:31 am

      Love Q’s point.
      I have a speech: “You’re wonderful. I’m flattered.” then in the sweetest way possible, “i discriminate against married men.” The main reason being that in our society this kain thing REALLY hurts women (even though many of the men are TRULY UNAWARE of what a big deal it is) and I’m not going to be the cause of such if I can help it, amen.

      That said, the hustle is so real for some of my brothers, they lie. And by giving married ones this my mumu line, or by catching the lying ones e.g. by asking google, experience is only training them to be even more “clever” next time e.g. delete all social media evidence of being married, lie about their name, next time talk to a woman who doesn’t care etc etc.

      Which brings me to another question: why oh why does infidelity hurt my sisters so much? why do they police it? If running around like a caveman (or having a small extra hookup or a big second affair) is so important to a person why can’t the other person just deal with it? I am truly in the dark about why infidelity seems to shock and hurt people so much. Please don’t condemn me for asking, I’m just trying to get to the root of the matter.

      Me personally if someone came up to me and said I should swear that till God shall take my breath from me I would never eat meat again (honestly no pun, I just mean as in diet, as in vegetarian), I might think they were a little high, which can be cute. If I was high too and said yes, … I mean everyone would still know it was not meant like that, right? I mean, who takes an oath like that forever ever? For the record, I would actually just say no, never, you’re high.
      Maybe now that we are cleaning out corruption in the nation 😉 we can start being more honest sha.

    • Oluwabusola Adedire

      July 18, 2015 at 6:30 pm

      He is! I must say ‘ he had my attention’.

    • hmmm..

      July 18, 2015 at 7:33 pm

      Good writer my ass.Biased nd misinformed does not qualify as “good writer”

    • Tee y

      July 18, 2015 at 10:00 pm

      U obviously do not know good writing

    • Busola

      July 19, 2015 at 9:27 am

      It was interesting enough to have my attention to the end. Anyone who can achieve that is a good writer. Looking at it from an objective point of view does not indicate my stance on its content.

  2. Mewe

    July 18, 2015 at 6:54 am

    This one craves to sound like an authority on ALL issues… love variety, be wired different o, it adds nothing to world peace. People keep acting like they have the secret formula for successful relationships… you don’t, relationships differ. Same way you love different soups, some people love just rice!

  3. Anonymous

    July 18, 2015 at 6:55 am

    All human beings crave variety regardless of gebder, culture forces women to be monogamous. In the end etc, love is s conscious act of discipline.

    • Strit Kredibility

      July 18, 2015 at 2:20 pm

      Thank you for that last line of yours… LOVE IS A CONSCIOUS ACT OF DISCIPLE, simple, fullstop and no long story. 200 analysis/analogies/anecdote cannot remove from this fact.
      I am a guy and i have the propensity to do whatsoever i wish but it is restraint that keeps me sane and out of harms way most of the time. Love cannot be left like a commodity to market forces.
      Etcetera, i read your articles often, i like your music especially the ‘Ring the alarm, thief In Govt house’ and i appreciate your take on some topical issues, but on this one i will ask like Olamide s’oro niyen? Is this worthy of being called what it purports.

    • Lilo

      July 18, 2015 at 2:45 pm

      He has made nothing but excuses (rather than give reasons) for why men cheat. Oshisco. How about honoring the vows ? Could it be that men cheat because they for the most part lack integrity and respect for the vows they took with the woman they married? Could it. Be that men just have blatant disrespect for the institution of marriage and the concept of commitment regardless of the apetite for variety?

      Let’s use family ties as an example – does your father stop being your father because he was broke and irresponsible? If the variety theory holds three, then how come people with messed up parents (or siblings) all don’t go and claim mike adenuga as their daddy? Yeah because you can’t. Rather when it comes to dysfunctional family ties, everyone is like” blood is thicker than water” well the day you marry someone the bible says two become one so until you see your wife as indisposable here to stay partner, then there will always be foolish enough excuses to cheat. Stop viewing women as an excessively you can change the moment your left nut itches.

    • Oluwabusola Adedire

      July 18, 2015 at 6:32 pm

      You are smart!

    • Baby girl

      July 18, 2015 at 9:22 pm

      I love your comment OMG, you are just too intelligent summing it up this way. permission to dm this. Love is a concious act of discipline.

      Why does our society teach our girls to cringe and subdue their feminity, while boys are taught that to be a man they have to cheat.

      well etcetera or whatever u call urself, u are a big coward and i wont say fool as much as u deserve that status because u are very well on the border. you and every other man out there who so cowardly justifies this very concious act of cheating in the name of men are polygamous in nature; cowards who cant be men enough to stay true to their vows.

      i hate arguing with these cowards, they are entitled to believe what they like. i would even respect a man more if he opens up to his wife on not loving her anymore or asks for a divorce or something, rather than going around sleeping with anything in skirt and yet lie to her that he loves her. love my ass.

      I have learnt humans will justify any negative act and find a way to call it normal. thats why the world has turned the way it is… men are turning to women, women are loving women, men cheat and say its food, etc etc.

      i am just sooo pissed by this baseless article. mr writer always seeking attention. smh

      i pray this decadence seizes from our society, IJN, amen.

    • Royalty

      July 19, 2015 at 5:23 pm

      God bless you! My thoughts exactly! This writer’s way of thinking is the problem. This guy is talking like he speaks for everyone but at the end of the day its only his point of view! Bros, abeg don’t dull o, even women desire variety. women can also be visually stimulated, the difference is that our mind quickly overrides such feelings because we have a different mentality about such things. The human mind is a force that impacts the workings of the brain, and can override its “wiring”. The point is that Men who continue to go around with this Self entitled point of view will continue to cheat on their spouse and expect it to be ENDURED. What has happened to Loyalty and discipline????!!! Omo, if my mama cook egusi and EBA everyday, you go chop am everyday and say thank you everyday because you kno say na wetin she get be [email protected] This is what is called DISCIPLINE! At the end of the day, it’s all about the mentality. If we raise our boys to believe in the kind of nonsense that this ogbeni just spewed all over this Page, men will continue to cheat on their spouses and see it as their God given right /nature. Ogbeni Writer, please go and park well, in fact gerrarahere mehn shi**!

  4. Tolu

    July 18, 2015 at 6:58 am

    Like this comment if you’re here to read people’s comment just like me…..?

  5. kayla

    July 18, 2015 at 7:09 am

    Don’t try to justify cheating dummy…. A person who loves another dearly would always want to make em happy… ugly people like this Etc should not be allowed to write articles.

  6. Dr. N

    July 18, 2015 at 7:21 am

    I suspect that this is what happened to Stephen Keshi. He is alleged to have submitted his name for consideration to coach for another country despite the clauses of his agreement. Eyahh. It’s not his fault. He is morally upright. It’s just that he likes diff colours. How could NFF get angry with him and sack him? Are they feminists? Smh! People shd be realistic. U can’t expect a man to be faithful. Haba! That is asking 4 too much. He is wired differently.
    Di anyi, with the increase in cheating wives, u berra be careful. If u want to be faithful, u can. Think of d long term consequences ( like Keshi who lost his job) n zip up.

    • Mrs

      July 18, 2015 at 9:03 am

      Choi…..Best reply ever….

  7. Annie

    July 18, 2015 at 7:31 am

    Such a shallow mind! Omg! nothing made sense….bye

  8. Shokola

    July 18, 2015 at 7:37 am

    Mscheewwwwww what a weak argument. All this its in my nature talk us just bullshit abeg. Yes it cld be in ur nature but that is where self control comes in. Ofcourse everyone gets tempted but it is what you choose to do with it that matters. I have a very very high temper, it is my nature o, i was born that way, i have since learnt that this is a major character flaw! So does that mean i shld go around acting like a babarian at every little whim? Ofcourse i have learnt to control my damn self! So i think its just a lazy excuse to say i cheat because im a man and its in my nature. If its in ur nature, give urself come damn credit and know that self control if its not in ur nature can be learnt. Dont be lazy.

  9. viv

    July 18, 2015 at 7:43 am

    Mister etcetera, yes you are objectifying human beings. We aren’t animals without any self control…We are creatures of choice and contrary to popular belief, love is a choice!!! There is only one reason a man will be faithful – Love (not the butterfly in the stomach love, but biblical love). I agree that you couldn’t pay a husband enough to be faithful till death, but there are men that are faithful, and they do it for love. You see, when an action doesn’t come naturally to men (as you have put it), it becomes an even greater expression of love to your spouse.
    Our generation uses the word “love” very freely, with only very few knowing what loving someone genuinely, really entails. The ability to love and be faithful may seem impossible, but when we have God, it makes all the difference.

  10. viv

    July 18, 2015 at 7:46 am

    …and may I also add that the line between love and lust is NOT blurry, it is as distinct as day and night. I already feel sorry for whoever marries you mister etcetera. Smh

  11. onyx

    July 18, 2015 at 7:51 am

    Jeez the comments from the female folk on this one are gonna be freaking interesting. Lets roll.

  12. kim

    July 18, 2015 at 8:00 am

    Some things are meant to be endured?? I did not come to this life to “endure”. I came to live fully. If God knew that men desire severally women at a time, why didn’t he create one man and “several”…stop making excuses for senseless and degrading behaviors…just as women can live with one man, men should learn to live with only one woman..

  13. Ayoola

    July 18, 2015 at 8:00 am

    i cant wait for the comments to start rushing in….:)

  14. Yebo

    July 18, 2015 at 8:05 am

    Et Cetera, you normally make sense and I usually agree with your articles. Yes, cheating happens. Yes, it doesn’t necessarily make the man a bad person. No, it is adultery, Biblically. So yes, some things need to be enddured in marriage. No, when you marry someone (especially Christian marriage), polygamy or adultery will be a sin. Yes, men are wired differently from women. Yes, women should understand the fact that men are different from them, and that men get bored easily with the same thing. No, that shouldn’t excuse cheating on your spouse to whom you pledged fidelity and loyalty during your marital exchange of vows. And let’s not forget that when a man cheats on his wife and even produces a child outside his matrimonial home, it could have devastating effects on the wife. Yes, men cheat on their wives as do women on their husbands, but your article is somewhat trying to make it seem cool. Marriage is not an easy thing, but pple like you should rather be championing the cause of fidelity rather than indirectly encouraging marital unfaithfulness.

  15. Kemi

    July 18, 2015 at 8:07 am

    “Some things are meant to be endured?” He is a narcissistic misogynistic ass. Period.

    • Ummibee

      July 18, 2015 at 10:59 am

      Thank you! And I hate that Bella Naija keeps giving him an audience! Women have suffered.

  16. mabel

    July 18, 2015 at 8:11 am

    So long as you accept that a woman can be like that too, then we will be on the same page. All these men are wired like this like that annoying things. I have said it, until our laws support women FULLY all these nonsense will not stop. I pity your gf. She will not read this now and leave your broke ass. Women can like diff colours but cannot like different men. Eziokwu. Men can like diff colours and love diff women. Two can play the game if given a lovely, fine grassy stadium. Opo.

    • natu

      July 18, 2015 at 10:16 am

      Can you imagine the idiot!! Women get bored too!! I want a light skinned guy, dark skined, Asian, European, Latin, Caribbean and middle eastern. I want them all. Women please stop enabling these cheating men. Make it your duty to work out of any inconvenient relationship.

    • natu

      July 18, 2015 at 11:10 am

      *Walk out

  17. uche

    July 18, 2015 at 8:16 am

    Na wa. When will men stop letting people insult them? Oh well…

  18. Sparks and Tingles

    July 18, 2015 at 8:19 am

    I so much wanted to respond with “Gbam” but I remember the Uncles that never cheat. I can’t help but wonder how they are different or what is wrong with them. Is it that they lack the guts or the willpower to cheat or they have just not been caught? I agree that variety is the spice of life and men are naturally polygamous but I also believe that marriage is a contract and the terms of the contract should be strictly adhered to.

    That said, I hope I end up with someone on whom I won’t have to cheat and if I end up cheating like the men before me, I hope I never get caught.

    • Doxa

      July 18, 2015 at 11:31 am

      “…on whom I won’t HAVE TO cheat”
      You sound so helpless, it’s almost as if you don’t have a choice in the matter. Pele, your case is even critical, because cheating always involves making a choice.

  19. Me

    July 18, 2015 at 8:26 am


  20. Cj

    July 18, 2015 at 8:29 am

    I’m a man and I love being in a committed relationship. Its physically,emotionally and mentally exhausting to chase after every well shaped behind in town as there are tons of them out there that will catch your fancy. Its part of life to make sacrifices for needs rather than wants. As a married man what do I need… A nice home , a loving and understanding wife togther forging ahead in our different careers, beautiful kids, vacation here and there if the world remains peaceful and sane.
    So when they call” Married man”,I go Answer Present , proud and confident.

    • Ndidi

      July 18, 2015 at 6:07 pm

      Women there is hope.
      I believe that It takes discipline and respect for the institution of marriage to make your marriage work.
      Men who like variety should not be coerced to marry, they should stay single and enjoy the different flavours of eba and soup.
      Etcetera, if men (in committed relationships) are apt to cheating in your term “variety”. They should also be ready to deal with the consequences- broken homes, cheating wives, confusion, arguments..I can go on.
      How about you equally write an article to advise men who love variety or simply put “polygamy” cautioning them to stay away from the institution of marriage or consider religions that permit it. Some men will know fully well that they cannot commit to one woman yet will boldly make these marriage vows. Why ?
      Some women will see the clear signs during courtship that her man cannot commit to her alone yet will blindly accept an engagement ring.
      Society stop putting unnecessary pressure for a woman to get married. Marriage is not a do or die. You have a choice. No one is perfect but do not deceive your partner.

    • Tosin

      July 20, 2015 at 10:40 am

      Ndidi has most of the answer. I endorse. I sincerely hope to hear/read more from her.

    • Lois

      July 18, 2015 at 7:54 pm

      I doff my hat for you

    • Eno

      July 18, 2015 at 9:56 pm

      Thank you for keeping it real, CJ. Do we get tempted? Yes! Men and women alike irrespective of how you are “wired”. Now, how you deal with temptation is a different issue.

    • Lapetite

      July 19, 2015 at 4:48 am


    • Femi

      July 19, 2015 at 5:05 am

      Oga your story is still ongoing. This is not a fairry tale “ever after” ending”. Let’s watch out for you when you’re in your 50’s and your wife looks like a shitty granny and tons of available and willing girls start winking at you, then you’ll understand the point of this article.

    • Zero

      July 19, 2015 at 9:43 am

      Yeah…and if your wife is in her 50’s, old and shitty, so you’ll be — growing old with your spouse is priceless — NB — no young babe would date you for love in your 50’s – she would only be in love with what you have to offer…but dis is what you should even know already..mtscheww…. You be proper MUMU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Bruness

      July 19, 2015 at 11:21 am

      Femi don’t be silly that’s midlife crisis bell ringing for you. You can choose to appreciate your granny wife’s age lines and greys remembering that once upon a time she was a bubbly sexy thang or you go and yeyerize yourself with the young uns who’ll scrape your pocket, make you feel good bout yourself behind closed doors and snicker about your limping ding a ling to all who want to hear.

    • Zero

      July 19, 2015 at 9:35 am

      Cj,— u too much!!!! I needn’t comment on this fool’s post — you’ve said it all and represented the REAL GUYS ‘N MEN out there…life is beautiful!!!!

    • anon

      July 19, 2015 at 9:51 pm

      Don’t be fooled by the likes of Cj. He probably has them plenty, just seeking validation from your likes.

  21. Girlbeingreal

    July 18, 2015 at 8:39 am

    Don’t you just like the sound of your voice. Thinking you some kind of messiah handing out scriptures to women. You wallow in your ignorant bubble mister! Your thinking is actually an insult to men that are faithful. Cheating is a decision even if we deny it. A woman too can decide to “change soup” if she is piped into that. A woman too get bored being with the same person. The moment you decide to take extra steps familiarizing with someone you are attracted to, you have made a decision to cheat. Men with your thinking etcetera, are the ones that excuse their despicable actions. Your thinking is arrogant and narcissistic! The people I feel sorry for are women who actually believe your crap. Women who actually believe they are meant to be cheated on

  22. Tae

    July 18, 2015 at 8:40 am

    ‘You see, even if a man has true everlasting unending love for his woman, he can STILL desire another woman he fancies…….Thus, infidelity does not make a man “bad” in a moral sense’
    That’s possible but….should you get everything you desire? NO! This is where discipline comes in. Women see fine men everyday too, I passed by a man that looks and smells sooooo good that i just wanted to bury my head in his chest, am i a bad girl if I off pata and get what I desire?

  23. Kaeto

    July 18, 2015 at 8:46 am

    So basically pastor e.a Adoboye has sexual relationships with more than one person ( he might be inlove with) and all other popular pastors in Nigeria ( allegedly) . In other words monagomy is a myth. Raising a male child to think like this or consider it to be natural well, can see it your way, according to your article. You know is funny, many so called white people thought of it to be natural in enslaving blacks for hundreds of years-guess what we are not slaves anymore in foreign countries and you are not subject to be kidnapped for slavery. Oh wait, Catholics ruling majority of the world and it being natural or god’s will to be in charge of world, hey! Democracy and people have taken power away from the church in many progressive countries not backward Nigeria. Stop!! was is it not natural to have women has second class citizens in major parts of the world,-now look at us, we rule nations, own major powerful countries and you speak of this idealistic dispicable article. Like, how Hitler so it fit to end a race ( Jews), homosexuals, because they were natural distaters ( according to my understanding), my dear, please get more exposure in life and stop making excuses for breaking marital vows, or why get married. It is simply a joke to marry and break all the vows even one ( that’s the essence of marriage) or isn’t.i know some men in Canada stay loyal to their wives ( well that’s what I see) because Mehhn if you Cheat, guy you gone go broke, she takes about 70% of your valuables ( average citizens gets the hit) and some kids here are not raised to agree with you, do they don’t act like your article. I agree with your article tho to some extent and I feel that the moment a guy sees someone that tops all others, especially if he has done all the imaginables, he will not need to risk loosing such a dime.

    • Eno

      July 18, 2015 at 10:03 pm

      Kaeto, don’t mind him. Most of the ones I see abroad (let me talk for Canada oh!) are respectable men. I wonder if they are wired differently. Or maybe they are the way they are because they are serious repercussions? Excetera, please explain since you are mister know it all.

  24. ethel

    July 18, 2015 at 9:03 am

    this is crazy and selfish,will this same explanation be given if the woman is the unfaithful one.i’m not going to insult etcetera but i’m going to say this as i feel it not just what i’s true men and women are created differently.but every one feel the urge to act on something bad or crazy every once in a while.but weather you carry out the act or not is what makes you a good person or a bad one.woman too feel the urge to sleep with other men too,either for money or better sex or even for the huge abs he are not the only once who feel like sleeping with other gals.but just because you get the deal to cheat on your g/f or wife doesn’t mean you should do about self control,respect for your partner and what you’s about understanding the consequence of your action and the pain there mite bring..relationship is about equal love and respect for each other feelins,not for the man to be inflicting pain while the woman endures it.honoring the vow you made to your wife or the commitment to your g/f is an individual thing for any man or woman.I’m the type who never learn her lesson,i meet a guy today i”d tell him i love him and show it..he take it for granted and it ended,i meet the next guy and i say and the same thing..personaly when i’m in a relationship i give my 100%,i don’t demand what i can’t give,and i demand what i can give.i’m not one of those famine or whatever. but i have one rule,if you cheat or blew it in anyway and it ended.there is no second chance,i’ve never gone back to an old b/f before.not because i don’t know forgiveness but because it’s hard for me to make it work or feel the same way for the second time.i feel for some women that have to endure their husband’s infidelity just cause they think they can’t leave him..bottom line to what i’m saying is do unto others what you would like them to do to you.if you know you don’t mind be cheated on then by all means go ahead and cheat,but if you feel hurt by it then don’t do it to another person.etcetera i said i won’t insult you but for making me write this long note.i’d say you are crazy for your low mentality write up..

  25. yellow sissy

    July 18, 2015 at 9:10 am

    Etcetera you just described yourself.I saw you walking like a refugee in my area.I think you need a hair cut.

  26. Bayowilson

    July 18, 2015 at 9:21 am

    “A woman’s heart tends to be able to love only one man at a time, a man’s heart is different and can truly love MORE THAN ONE woman at a time.” This is the craziest quote. Ahahahaaa

  27. wanne

    July 18, 2015 at 9:22 am

    We all know that men have the tendency to cheat. Still there are some noble men who stick to “one woman and true love that never ends” . Such men find it difficult to love another woman or even cheat on their spouse. Why do you use your pen to subtly condemn the beautiful institution called marriage, created by God himself.
    You are giving excuse for every man to cheat and women to sulk and accept unfaithfulness of men as a normal way of life. This is an exhibition of your profane nature and antics of other men. There is no excuse for a man and woman to cheat on their spouse.
    It is easy to sense that you are battered with terrible inferiority complex, which you conceal with a rotten ego. Why the repitition of feminism, you are so frightened with ideology(kindly overcome your fears and deal with it)
    The same way you expand the brand of cheating men and encourage them. So shall the law of karma bless you with a cheating wife to manage.

    • kanyin

      July 18, 2015 at 8:37 pm

      Amen and Amen to your prayer!
      I couldn’t have said it any better!

      The righteous indignation that filled me after reading this very stupid article left me weak and I had just one prayer request. May cheating men meet cheating women.
      Like he just reduced the sanctity of marriage to eba and colors! Mstchew. This guy really has some lose screws playing around in his head. Oniranu!

  28. bruno FIERCE

    July 18, 2015 at 9:42 am

    just passing.

    etcetera nothing do u. carry go

    • Neso

      July 18, 2015 at 11:51 am

      Bruno, no epistle today? I guess that #shade that you comment even on adverts got to you lmao.

    • Tosin

      July 18, 2015 at 3:59 pm


  29. BigBang

    July 18, 2015 at 9:45 am

    Differences between Humans & Animals
    1. Animals do not use their brains to think, they simply act on instinct, whatever they see and want they pounce on it not knowing whether it’s right or wrong, they do not have conscience.

    2. Humans on the other hand know right from wrong, and turn from the wrong and do what is right, even in the face of pressures and temptations. The desire to build character is only found in man.

    So Mr Etcetera what you just described are men that are controlled by their dingdong & will do anything to gratify their desires not caring if its right or wrong = Animals

  30. ThatGirlThatLovesBN (TGTLBN)

    July 18, 2015 at 9:46 am

    There’s absolutely no justification for not having self control as a married man. This is precisely why marriage isn’t for everyone. If you ever decide to go ahead and say ‘I do’ as a man, know that it’s no longer about you. People who do not have self control and know for a fact they can’t learn to have one, shouldn’t for a frigging second think about marriage. Don’t subject the innocent woman to heartache. Leave her for a man who’s deserving of her love. I’m so upset with etcetera right now. This is the same guy I bumped into in Big treat (omole) and told him to keep up with the good work. .If you claim to be a Christian and preach this sort of rubbish to your fellow men, then Shame on you .

  31. idomagirl

    July 18, 2015 at 9:48 am

    It amuses me how the average Nigerian man walks around believing that he has a monopoly on cheating.

    This small minded creature and his ilk talk about craving variety and boredom as if that is only particular to men. You think women do not get bored? You think women do not crave variety? You think women do not get tempted by other men (more attractive and more successful than the one they’re with)?

    A woman is meant to “forsake all others” and “endure” whatever she gets in marriage while her husband is doing what? Screwing around in the name of “I cannot eat one kind of food for the rest of my life”?

    According to this guy, somethings are meant to be endured. This is total nonsense. My joy is that 1)not every Nigerian man is a cheat and 2) more Nigerian women are waking up and realising that life is too short to spend it treating various STDs or fighting side chicks.

    So my dear Etcetera and to those who think like you you better wake up and learn sexual discipline, your brothers that are faithful to their women do not have 2 heads. Rubbish.

    • Pat

      July 18, 2015 at 11:10 pm

      Its alarming the increase of married women with STD. These women say they never thought they could get it in marriage because they we Married.

  32. Anonymous

    July 18, 2015 at 10:02 am

    Since you used Toke’s situation as an example to explain this stale point of view, then how do you explain the fact that he got his old time gf pregnant. Don’t you think he would’ve rather gone for a new type of soup maybe an intercontinental meal? People behave in certain ways for different reasons. There’s no one size fits all in this case. Better luck next time!!!

    • Anonymous

      July 18, 2015 at 11:58 am

      Tell me you won’t like the taste of an Egusi soup that you’ve not eaten for months or probably years.

  33. Zebulum

    July 18, 2015 at 10:11 am

    Gosh this guy is an un wanted gift that keeps giving

    • T

      July 18, 2015 at 9:04 pm

      Lmaoo, couldn’t have said it better!!

  34. M

    July 18, 2015 at 10:24 am

    I can’t stand WEAK men. Any man that can’t control himself is WEAK no matter how buff or tall he is. The way men don’t like women who sleep around (the irony is those WEAK and lazy men like easily accessible women, other men’s women, they use to justify their manhood, imagine the weakness of that) is the same way a woman with honour looks at a man that sleeps about as a weakling. It shows a lack of discipline and a big gap of a lack of self control it doesn’t matter if you are no. 1 on forbes list.

    When women see men they attribute it with strength honour and dignity not sleaziness.

    Weak men are so weak they sleep with whatever and justify it weakly. Weak! A polygamous man who is honest with his partner (s) from the onset and is strong faithful and restricted to them is more honourable that a weakling. I would agree to be the 4th wife of such a man than reduce myself with a single or married weakling. I hate WEAK men. I see nothing manly in them even when I face reality.

  35. natu

    July 18, 2015 at 10:30 am

    Etcetera or whatever you call yourself. You will not get a rise out of me. Not today!!! Eid Mubarak to all the Muslim brothers and sisters!!

    • Royalty

      July 19, 2015 at 5:33 pm

      Lol…I guess it’s a good thing that I didn’t read this until now then because he surely got a rise out of me!

  36. meddler

    July 18, 2015 at 10:48 am

    So this is what I got surmised from his article 1. Men lack the basic principle of reasoning 2. Men lack self control and discipline 3. Women are exactly like soups and colors hence objects. 4. Men should be treated like animals.

    • Ross

      July 18, 2015 at 4:13 pm

      I’m telling you. In one article he’s trying to force his indiscipline down our throats. Anyone can want variety and change and want to mix things up. The difference between a human being and an animal is that you allow common sense rule you, not your sexual urge.

  37. tee

    July 18, 2015 at 11:13 am

    I’m a woman and I agree with this article. Like it or not men are naturally polygamist. The few men that don’t cheat make a conscious effort not to because of their morals and values. Argue all you want, pray you marry someone that loves you enough to consciously decide not to cheat and raise your boys with morals.

    • natu

      July 18, 2015 at 12:32 pm

      “Men are naturally polygamist”. Really girl?

    • anon

      July 19, 2015 at 9:59 pm

      Yes natural, men are polygamy. Take it or leave it

    • Deb

      July 18, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      To the baby zebra, all animals are either black with white stripes or white with black stripes.

    • Eno

      July 19, 2015 at 12:05 am

      I feel sorry for you, Tee.

  38. kim

    July 18, 2015 at 11:35 am

    This etcetera is an idiot. A very big one. Men can change their “soup”, while women sit and endure, right?? You are one confused idiot

  39. Nedu

    July 18, 2015 at 11:49 am

    Did i spent my 10 minutes reading this well structured and beautifully written gibberish? Dear Lord!

  40. SA girl

    July 18, 2015 at 11:50 am

    I am so over this gender essentialist argument to explain people’s behaviour, I believe we should acknowledge how our individual differences interacts with the cultural messages we receive and internalize to affect our behavior.

    I think people should be able to choose the relationship style that best suits them and their partner/partners be it non-monogamous or monogamous. As long as everyone is open honest and considerate. Then maybe we can stop pretending monogamy is the only style to conduct our relationships while ignoring the realities of human sexuality.

    • Nahum

      July 18, 2015 at 5:05 pm

      The problem with your argument is that these cheating men do not inform their wives of their “lifestyle” and neither do they condone their wives following in their “lifestyle”. When men can allow their wives to follow in their lifestyle, then I will condone cheating.

  41. Nimrod

    July 18, 2015 at 11:54 am

    I was expecting the ladies to react to this because the article negates their belief but he is actual writing from the guys perspective and not the ladies..what he wrote is true, the plain truth..we want varieties to pick from..your man might not agree wit him because he’s with u..buh deep down,he knows the writer is correct.

    • natu

      July 18, 2015 at 12:35 pm

      Humans want variety!!!! It is not a gender thing. Stop trying to use it to justify your argument.

  42. Bola

    July 18, 2015 at 11:55 am

    Anybody can cheat or be unfaithful. Even the words used clearly point out the negative connotation to these acts. Being in a relationship is not like eaiting eba. Am I eba or pounded yam…I an not an exhaustible object. I am not an object with one facet. First of all, you have a physical relationship with me, thats just one aspect. You have a mental relationship with me, a spiritual relationship with me. In a relationship, there is trust and loyalty. Other things like family and friends bind us together. Any real man or woman should be able to curb simple cravings to keep the many important facets of a relationship intact. Period!

  43. @edDREAMZ

    July 18, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said..
    Onpoint man carry go nothing do yu….

  44. natu

    July 18, 2015 at 12:35 pm

    Humans want variety!!!! It is not a gender thing. Stop trying to use it to justify your argument.

  45. Chief

    July 18, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    Yes!!,nice write hit the hammer straight on the nail.I don’t know why women think we can eat only eba for life.We have side chicks and it’s normal.Show me a married man that doesn’t cheat or have side chick??98% of married men have side chicks.Men brags about their side chicks.As a chief I’m proud to have a side chick and I’m happy about it.

    • Temi

      July 18, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      I hope you will be happy about it when your children realise their father is a lying unfaithful cheat or when God asks you how you treated the wife of your youth. You human beings forget we are all answerable to someone! We weren’t put on this earth by ourselves

    • kanyin

      July 18, 2015 at 8:56 pm

      Mstchewwww! Men like you makemesick!L

    • Anon

      July 18, 2015 at 11:18 pm

      Na wa to you o. The witches in your village are fanning their faces with your picture.

  46. Free

    July 18, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    This guy obviously has no idea what true love is and is simply encouraging self indulgence and lack of control. He says ” a man’s heart is molded differently with multiple chambers that enable him to love and desire multiple women”. There is no big revelation there, as women also are capable of loving multiple men. He compares a man’s choice of numerous partners to a variety in our taste palates and preferred colors. Even that analogy is flawed as people are able to make choices that limit the kinds of food they eat for health, religious or whatever personal beliefs they have. Also, comparing food and colors to being in a committed relationship where monogamy has been promised, is preposterous.
    This author fails to realize that it is not about giving in to your every whim and desire, rather it is about coming to a realization that you love this person and would not want to hurt them in any way. Faithful women have long known this, so they choose to ignore that other guy that make their hearts skip a beat, and focus solely on their man, they make the choice to “wear the same color and eat the same food daily”, not because their taste buds are dead, or they’ve gone color blind, but because they know it is the right thing to do, so they painstakingly exercise self control, consider their commitment to the relationship first and abstain from multiple men in their lives.
    Mr Etcetera, stop making excuses for yourself and other men like you.

  47. omawunmi

    July 18, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    I suggest anytime we read stupid ass misogynistic articles here, we just ignore it and not comment. this will certainly be my last time. and bella naija, Really?

    • Rolly

      July 19, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      BN is so predictable honestly. Always posting nonsense because they know it will gather hits for them. Too dead.

  48. Anonymous

    July 18, 2015 at 2:30 pm

    Golden eagles are monogamous.

  49. Taiye

    July 18, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    Mr Etc, as your name is, so is your hogwash analysis on why men cheat! i have seen and heard success stories of men that kept their marital vows to their wives. its just your opinion. Some Men or Women cheat because they lack self control, fear of God and are self centered.Period! while others cheat because of some marital issues at home ( which is not an excuse for cheating), or pure lust, indiscipline and disregard for their marital vows to their spouse under the watchful eyes of God. Please, keep ‘your so called i know it all crap'” to yourself because, you are not an expert on this subject. Do your homework by asking questions from couples whose love for each other have been tested and it still going stronger everyday. i think most men or women that cheat are greedy, shallow and cowards because they do not have the guts to tell their spouse or partner that, they want out of the relationship or marriage. I will advice couples to put their marriage in God’s hands no matter what and HE will perfect it even as you do your part as husband and wife, by committing yourself to each other, vows, praying and doing things together. I think why men cheat can be answered by men that cheat .Full stop!

  50. Zara aime

    July 18, 2015 at 3:41 pm

    I am a female…

    I walk into a store and I fall in love with almost all the clothes, shoes, bags etc…
    I go into the kitchen and cook indomie today, rice tomorrow and amala the next day.
    I see some guys in my school and I’m like OMG he looks hot.
    I still look Usher and Trey and fall in love with their music.

    So that excuse of eating okra soup today and wants get to experiment egushi tomorrow should not be an excuse and it is a lame excuse. Scrap that rubbish out of the talk.

    If you want it to be included then I bet you define it as lust. Some men just derive pleasure in cheating. They should learn to control their package. Nigerians give way to this non sense seriously.

    Some cheat because of various reasons. Some are born with it. No one can come here and start to give reasons based on generalization. To each his own.

    Some even cheat due to peer pressure and believe me it exists… Just because your entertainment industry stupidity breeds this non sense doesn’t make it common to the society…

    And I have to say you just wrote down the reasons you would cheat on your partner… Say hello to your future Bae because dammit… She’s in

  51. Tosin

    July 18, 2015 at 3:54 pm

    1. this was long.

    2. this was very good. as a proud Ekiti woman who now finds herself in a love affair with amala and abula (ewedu+gbegiri) even though we all know pounded yam remains king, i totally feel your explanation. it’s sort of like having two sons abi two children, versus China’s one-child-policy. if you can manage it, go for it 🙂 comments welcome.

    3. another burning question inspired by a young sisi on BN: plx, why do young guys like to disappear (with speed ranging from get up zip up and flee to when the sun comes up I’m gone) after the girl they’ve been “toasting” finally grees for them? Thank you.

    “She said: it’s not fair baba, tap once and you come disappear baba, you don’t care about my feelings over here baba, why you can’t find love are you scared baba?” – Tec / SDC, in Just A Melody

    • BKM

      July 19, 2015 at 4:58 am

      Huh ..

    • anon

      July 19, 2015 at 10:05 pm

      Let’s go on a date. I af been observing you since since I swear. Lol

  52. Felinda

    July 18, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    Men (or Etcetera), or let me refer to you all as “BOYS” rather, if you claim to be wired differently, then do us a favor

    #GerrareHere and

    Never get married so you can continue to sow your wild oats with multiple women. This article is the biggest insult to God and his institution of marriage and for that etcetera I hope ya dicks falls off. You (and the rest of immature boys out there who dont respect marriage and Gods Word) are cursed and WILL NEVER EVER HAVE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP IN YOURLIFE AND THAT CURSE IS FOR 100 GENERATIONS.

    My mom was right, she said ” Men die young (50s, 60s etc) cos of all the wrong they do done did (Ebonics) to Women. God curses them and snuffs the life out of them cos of the many tears they make women shed all their life’s unfortunately my poor dad was one of them, Mom my suffered with him for him to go from nobody to millionaire, he now felt he’s entitled to multiple women, in less than 10yrs after much daily crying from mommy and kids, unfortunately he fell sick and died). He had a group of fraternity friends whom my mom use to cook every Sunday after church for them to come eat, all of them, use to cheat on their wives just like dad, all of them have died before 70.

    There is only one man who was friends with my late dad, who use to also come to our house too, and still living till this day (almost 80 now) he is one man forever faithful to his wife even though his wife akways went mad after each of their 4 children was born (something related to postpartum syndrome but hers was worse cos her madness was to level of going naked on street),but guess what that man never left her side, never cheated, endured embarassment, but stayed, never left her nor cheated. He’s 80 in December and they celebrate their 50th anniversary, and I am buying ticket from USA to go home purposely for his birthday party . lesson to all men, honor the marriage institution or don’t marry at all. Simple

    • anon

      July 19, 2015 at 10:07 pm

      And you know he didn’t cheat how? Funny

  53. Temi

    July 18, 2015 at 4:04 pm

    This life is funny. Before I got married I asked my husband what things he will not be able to tolerate in marriage and he said he cannot tolerate a woman that would cheat on him. Marriage gets boring even women get bored in fact as I speak right now I am bored as hell, no romance, no spontaneous sex nothing. I know I have the option of reaching out to a few guys in my past to show me a good time and make me feel special. But I wont!!! Not because I love my husband, but because I respect him and I fear God and I take my vows very seriously. Do you think that despite trying to spice things up in bed the man still prefers to do the same ol position we have been doing since we got married and I am not tired of it? I am but it’s not a good enough reason to cheat!!! So all this men are wired differently nonsense is bullshit. Oh and by the way I equally told my husband that if he cheats on me I will divorce him #notime

    • ANGRY ME

      July 19, 2015 at 11:27 am

      #GBAM# iji okwu translation- WORD!!!!!

  54. ...just saying

    July 18, 2015 at 4:50 pm

    “…..And when a man relies on visual stimulation for arousal, the stimulation wears off at some point, which then requires new stimulation from new women…..”

    Poor thing has been watching too much porn. Pele! Here’s a lolly pop.

  55. Nonye

    July 18, 2015 at 5:10 pm

    There is no excuse for cheating. Period.
    A man who doesn’t have self control is weak. Instead of thinking of reasons/excuses people cheat think of ways one can stay committed.

    • BC

      July 18, 2015 at 10:46 pm


    • Tosin

      July 21, 2015 at 7:17 pm

      but WHY stay committed?

  56. Ochokwu

    July 18, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    Biko what’s his profession again because last time I checked he is a broke ass singer seeking fame only on social media. Get a life.Iberibe!!!

  57. Adaeze

    July 18, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    Wow. As our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ said ; “And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end will be saved.” (John24:15)
    We live im an age where people are so selfish and self centred they only care about themselves . Men who cheat don’t know God and dont know love. They don’t know that self control is honourarable and a virtue.
    “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

  58. nene

    July 18, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    cheating is in the nature of every animal and human being but somehow human males seem to think they’re the only ones allowed and predestined to cheat.bullshit! women can cheat and will cheat, so don’t think it’s only for men. men are just more selfish.

  59. nene

    July 18, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    me i can love more than one man, and i have loved more than one man at a point but i never cheated on my main man because he was all i needed.

  60. David

    July 18, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    When I found out my wife cheated on me in our 8years of marriage,I felt humiliation,rage,jealousy,embarrasment and…. just plain hurt.This is a woman I have never cheated on, I loved and could do anything for.

    I have never been a snooping kind of guy, why should I when she is a good homemaker,great mother,we have a beautiful house,vacation trips and romantic getaway here n there she is also a great lover she initiates and never reject me when I initiate sex.
    I had a feeling, so I went back through her yahoo archives what I found shattered my once ‘beautiful’ life.She met a guy in the gym and they began a mind blowing sexual affair that lasted for 3months till I found out.

    The past 6months has been exausting, cried myself to sleep the first few weeks, an emotional -rollercoster for me from getting DNA test done on my 3kids to staying at a seperate house from my kids,process of divorce(even though I still love her and she has begged and cry her eyes out I can’t trust her anymore) and also I have no one to share my deepest thought/rant to as my wife has always been the one I’ve gone to, to help me deal with things.

    Its been so difficult but am taking it one day at a time.
    NOBODY and I repeat NOBODY should ever go through what am going through is just so selfish and heartbreaking.

    • Babym

      July 18, 2015 at 9:46 pm

      Cheiiii pele o, im so sorry to hear that o, having a spouse cheat on u is the worst thing ever, that is why ppl like this clown etcerra that justify it annoy the heck out of me. Chei i know its hard but maybe try not to go for divorce straight away….. U r obviously very hurt at the moment and making life changing decisions in such a state may not be the best in the long run. Maybe stay seperated for a while and take as long as u need to heal, esp if she is remorseful and doesnt want the divorce. I know its impossible to believe but u can learn to trust her again and what is broken can be fixed. So please if u can, just hold on…. I wish u all the best.

    • kanyin

      July 18, 2015 at 9:48 pm

      Ooo David…. i’m so sorry about what you’re going through. *bear hugs* this too shall pass and you’ll be fine!

    • Princess

      July 18, 2015 at 10:05 pm

      eeeyyaaahhh, im sorry for what you’re going through.. I can imagine your hurt! Gosh you must be in pain! I manage a hotel and I can tell you that married women cheat as much as men, if nt more! I hate it so much when women always play the victim, I disagree with etc’s article because cheating is not gender based. It human behaviour and nature. It depends on your discipline and self control. No gender has monopoly on cheating. Im sorry for what youre going through but I suggest, if God can forgive you too can forgive but I dont know what I would do in your situation, im just giving textbook solution. Mehn, it must be hard.GOD WILL HELP you!

  61. secrets of Windows

    July 18, 2015 at 7:33 pm

    Lies you tell when you say women are wired differently from men. Biblically a woman got her ribs from the man thus, the tendency to cheat is as high as that of a man.
    Morals and society have become invisible Gods that control most of what we feel, want or need to do. As a woman, I can love more than one man if I choose to but I don’t cause I literally cannot manage all this men at once and so goes for the men.
    Truth is men don’t cheat because they are bored or any silly reason they choose to cheat. Note I said *choose*, because a faithful wife who was born and bred up by faithful parents might decide to want to be unfaithful in the arms of her husband because she chose to. Human beings dont change, what changes are the choices they make when found in new environments.

  62. Lois

    July 18, 2015 at 7:37 pm

    I applaud your submission. At the end of the day, as disciplined as love could possibly be, culture has set its values according to the dictates and agreement of a lot that has made up the society. Love breaks the rules of culture and rather follow the dictates of the heart. It is painful to some women’s (many other women have benefited from polygamy eg chances at companionship, ‘legitimate children’ to mention a few) that culture permits polygamy, men’s indiscretions and philandering but vehemently oppose same on the part of women, it is the reality. Be it we have to live with it or not is a function of the same society that permitted it in the first place and the people involved. For me, issues that concerns couples is very hard to interfere in. Many fundamental issues largely remains unprintable and unsaid. It takes those involved to know why men or even women take the decisions that led to the demise of the relationships and marriage. Not all men enjoy and engage in extra marital relationships and not all women are faithful partners.

  63. T

    July 18, 2015 at 9:01 pm

    Pls, when will Etcetera have sense??

  64. Garfunkel

    July 18, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    I kinda sorta agree with his premise but I disagree with his conclusion. As a guy, there are times my flesh craves something new. It happens to all of us. But we are more than flesh. We are given the power of free will and no man is ever forced to cheat against his will. We have the ability to say no but it takes a lot of work. When a man is in a committed relationship, he has to daily remind himself why he fell in love with his lady and avoid situations where those cravings can be manifested. Guys have to remember that it ceases to be just about them when in a committed relationship. Also, ladies, please do not believe that bullshit that you have to endure constant cheating. That’s bull and horse shit combined into one boat load of shit and you need to jump out.

  65. Eno

    July 18, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
    “he is known to be a man of integrity”
    synonyms: honesty, probity, rectitude, honor, good character, principle(s), ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness
    “I never doubted his integrity”

    With that being said, this explains why we are where we are today as a country. If the so called heads of homes and stronger sexes cannot keep their commitments to their marriages, tell me how they can keep commitments to other responsibilities. The cheating and your character in general is not restricted to only relationships or marriages, it rubs off on other aspects of life too. Mr. Etcetera , keep giving excuses for the lack of integrity of so many Nigerian men, but please do not complain about the state of your nations. After all, there is no point demanding excellence, right? Nonsense! There will come a time where women will eventually know their worth and all respect will be lost for you bunch of weaklings that call yourselves “men”. You do not deserve that title when you cannot protect your relationships and those you vowed to protect. Are you not suppose to be the rock of the family unit, but you have chosen to convince yourselves that you are sinking sands. Enjoy your mediocrity while it last. Keep eating the cake, it will soon finish and you will no longer have it. Day go soon break for una. Shout outs to the MEN who know they are better than what Excetera wants to reduce them to.

    • Eno

      July 18, 2015 at 9:46 pm

      *a time when*

  66. Tee y

    July 18, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    Eyaaa, we all thot u were educated until u wrote dis article.what a sad ignorant misogynist. Get an education eh,etcetera or stick to not ever assault our senses with this kind of blatant foolishness. why did u bring tokes name into d mata now?is it DAT d pain she’s going thru isn’t enuf 4 u or ds is just a publicity stunt? I bet by 2020 we won’t be hearing abt u again.OK.enjoy my attention while it lasts

  67. Cleopatra

    July 18, 2015 at 10:11 pm

    This Etcetera character, personifies and embodies the problems of the black man and Africa as a whole. One word can be used to describe that problem – Indiscipline.
    The Indiscipline that makes a politician gain political office, only to get there and loot the coffers meant for a whole community, and divert it for his personal use. The Indiscipline that makes an old man, shamelessly pursue girls younger than his daughter. The Indiscipline that makes a man shamelessly steal money from his own country, and go and buy property in ANOTHER mans country, and shamelessly without any sense of self awareness, march his pot belly there to live as a second class citizen. The Indiscipline that makes a man as etcetera has brought to the fore here, cheat on a faithful and loyal wife..on what premise you might ask..The premise of INDISCIPLINE. He does all of the above because he can.

    Unfortunately men (especially Black Men) have Zero sense of discipline. Just look at Africa, and or anything run by Black men. Sadly until this gross indiscipline and lack of self awareness is addressed by those in question, we as a people will never move forward.

    Men, LEARN to control yourself. You are not animals! At least you vehemently reject this, when members of other races dare to call you such names. So please, prove them wrong. Show the world that you are not base animals, with no thought for anyone or anything but themselves.

    I implore all mothers and future mothers to impart DISCIPLINE into their male children from an early age, so that we don’t have embarrassments like this Etcetera guy coming out to disgrace his whole gender and race.

  68. smile

    July 18, 2015 at 10:41 pm

    I stopped readin dis idiot post evr since he wrote rubbish about Tiwa n Teebillz and I noticed sum tone of authoritative in his writtin lik ppl must accept his craps… To be candid, Eczetra or what ar u.. U ar senseless n I tink its time to strt tnkn of wat ur career truly is.. No right man in his senses will read dis bullshit n nt be disappointed.. Men cheat becos they ar bored or don’t love anymore n becos men love varieties.. Comparing love to food.. So what do u say to ppl wu celebrate 40yrs weddin annivr, and ar true to dia marriage evn till d very end? Does dat mean they ar liars?.. Idiot n senseless baboon. Ppl lik u can’t make a marriage work cos of ur stupid mentality. I pity dat woman dat settl down wit u. U don’t deserve true love n u’l nevr find one cos what u wrote today has gone far n av distorted some ppls focus, Yes! Ppl wit a fragile heart.. And ppl wu look up to ur article. May u n ur marriage be judge accordin to what u picture love to be. Amen. God is love n he has givn us d gift to share as husband n wife.. U ar nobody to say true love does nt exist in men.

  69. BC

    July 18, 2015 at 10:44 pm

    Any person who justifies cheating is a fool. Since women like to eat eba everyday abi! Mchewewww!

  70. Liz

    July 18, 2015 at 11:10 pm

    I was taught that every human heart has four chambers. Brother Ecetera, kindly explain what you mean by “multiple chambers”.

  71. Toy

    July 19, 2015 at 12:21 am

    I am WOMAN. Industrious, Purpose Driven & Career Oriented yet soft, tender and desirable in every sense of the word. I get easily bored and I love Variety but my Sense of responsibility, devotion to my Husband and my reverence for God before whom I made my Wedding Vows to my spouse won’t make me cheat on him. Etcetera, Go and Die. *in Adams Oshiomole’s Voice*

  72. Raysel

    July 19, 2015 at 12:43 am

    Dis write up is a crab.Eccetera or wateva ur name is infact I cud not finish reading d rubbish u wrote cos I got upset halfway….marriage is different from food oh..d Bible is d final authority…d Bible said in heb13:4 dat d marriage bed shud not be defiled for God will judge fornicator…dus reason u gave is satanic….pls stop writing dis rubbish…if u don’t know wat to write get urself busy with sthelse… Mtcheweewwwweee

  73. Pretty girl

    July 19, 2015 at 2:34 am

    Me I am sorry for the babe that will marry this one because every day of ur married life na cry cry u go cry. Sorry for u oga

  74. Pretty girl

    July 19, 2015 at 2:37 am

    Any way sha any man that cheats on me weather we are married or we are just doing boy friend girlfriend things me will leave u so that u can sleep with all the girls in town before u give me disease

  75. Femi

    July 19, 2015 at 5:16 am

    Again men are the victims in this cheating debate. All those single sisters out there that know that men get stimulated by what they see will do everything to make sure they sway a married man. Then when she’s gotten the man, she expects or wishes other single girls out there will turn a blind eye to her man. It’s just impossible!
    As long as our single giirls, and these days the married ones too, continue to exploit the visual sexual weakness of men by finding more and more provocative ways to sway men away, we’ll continue to have cheating husbands!
    The problem is not with the men folk, its the women themselves that are the cause of the problem. The men are just the innocent bystanders, caught up in the middle of their hormonal tampon\cat fight.

    • Rolly

      July 19, 2015 at 1:54 pm

      LMFAOOOO. Are men animals? Why must you pounce on anything you set your eyes on? A lot of you don’t realise how stupid you sound justifying bullsh!t…. Even if every woman in the world wore short skirts, is that enough reason to cheat on your wife? Zero shame sha and you are so proud of yourselves Lmaoo. Awon odes
      Etc here’s some attention…. That is clearly what you want. Idiot

    • Femi

      July 19, 2015 at 2:44 pm

      A stupid person is one who consistently refuses to accept the reality of the situation and continues to argue for the way things will never be instead of accepting, and probably confronting (even though confrontation is futile, men will always cheat!) the way things are already. Continue living in your fools paradise and continue wishing all men are like angels in heaven.

  76. Samuel

    July 19, 2015 at 6:04 am

    Sincerely speaking won’t say the dude is right but won’t criticize his want for trying. If you really want to know why men cheat listen to the young ones talk. When a dude believes that he is doing all for a girl and and another dude is getting in between her legs. Not saying their views are true( either way that view is retarded to me) but it all boils down to perspective. No one can give you a true reason why men do what they do.

  77. Looku Looku

    July 19, 2015 at 7:12 am

    Nnaa Men.. Gerara here.. You just succeeded in saying that men are Animals with no ounce of self control. Kudos!
    Different men cheat for different reasons. Types of Men are as follows
    1) The Animals: no need explaining this type Mr ETC. Already did that
    2) The Responsible men.: Sometimes they have a moment of weakness or sometimes there is that girl that has been trying all she can to seduce him..
    3) The hypocrites. This ones eeeeh I reserve my comment.

    If you are lucky to get the responsible man then you can begin to pray for him and make plans to forgive him incase he errs
    If you are with the Animal……..ok….. Continue….
    The hypocrites… this one bad pass.. they can make you go loco before you realise it.

  78. Busola

    July 19, 2015 at 9:24 am

    It was interesting enough to have my attention to the end. Anyone who can achieve that is a good writer. Looking at it from an objective point of view does not indicate my stance on its content.

  79. Vidavi

    July 19, 2015 at 10:53 am

    You’re right ETC and the response to your write up is simply want variety? Then don’t get married. Why make promises you cannot keep to God, and your woman? I respect an unmarried gigolo who sleeps with different women every night more than a married man who carries on a secret affair behind his wife’s back. Why? It’s quite simply really…because he was honest from the jump. We women could care less who you stick your penis in, what hurts us the most is the betrayal of trust.

  80. Lola

    July 19, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    Whao! Don’t we all need Christ? I agree with him. He speaks the truth. An uncircumcised heart will do this. The flesh will do all he has said and even more. But with Christ, the impossibility becomes possible. If a man’s spirit is in tune with God’s Spirit, he cannot live like the way Etcetera describes men. He is dead to flesh and so can overcome temptations. Only those who walk towards holiness (i.e total obedience to God) can achieve the opposite of what he thinks. You may not be perfect but we all can work towards perfection…only in Christ.

  81. Suz

    July 19, 2015 at 2:50 pm

    Didn’t even bother to read the article, the comments are enough to describe it.

  82. pimp

    July 19, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    Dude! You just broke the G code, we DON’T cheat 😉

    • Tosin

      July 20, 2015 at 11:05 am

      The Canterbury Tales. Oh mennn, who would have thought that sort of comedy could be found in “the classics?” so far, I’ve checked out The Merchant’s Tale, The Shipman’s Tale (maybe where Shaggy got his inspiration to chant “it wasn’t me”). Find a modern translation online and die laughing 🙂
      Again, for the record, it’s not good to lie. Just saying check out a tale is all.

  83. pimp

    July 19, 2015 at 6:46 pm

    As for David I suggest you have a sit down with your wife. There is a reason she did this, could be boredom, temptation, lack of self esteem or something that you are lacking? She met this guy in the gym… you have a pot belly? She’s trying to get fit, how about you? Maybe this toned brethren was too hard to resist. You’ve seen their convos, how different is it to how you relate to her? Who knows but do have a chat. This crime is forgivable, everyone has imperfections including you bro. Stop crying, man the F up and take control of your wife, marriage and household.

    • Tosin

      July 19, 2015 at 9:52 pm

      wallahi. could be a blessing in disguise.

  84. janedoe

    July 19, 2015 at 10:34 pm

    It’s amazing how this ”need’ for variety is kept in check, or at least decreases when they get a lot older and have less energy and willing parties to participate…except, of course, a few ladies of easy virtue. Being unfaithful is caused by GREED, nothing more.

  85. lj

    July 20, 2015 at 1:11 am

    To an extent etc is right but he did not clarify his points the way not to belittle the women forks. We as all like varieties but where we differ is in the ability to chase it. men are naturally born hunters but women are the reverse of the case. how many women will sleep well at night after sleeping with two men in one day? but 90% of men will probably sleep like a baby for having such a day…women should not say they have more self control than men, women were created with self control but for men self control is like trying to stop being an addict, u need to go to rehab to attain it, that is why many don’t try because it is one of the hardest thing ever to do.

  86. Vivi_thoughts

    July 20, 2015 at 5:09 am

    So lets apply his theory…
    Ive been working at the same job for 5 years and I’m bored……I’ll just quit
    I’ve been living in the same estate and I’m tired of the building structure…. I’m moving!!
    I’ve been driving my new car for 1 year, I no longer like this style……. I’ll sell it!!
    My friends of 10 yrs are so boring…… I’m dumping them!!
    I’m tired of wearing suit and ties…………. I’ll start wearing shorts and t-shirts to work!!
    I’m bored with school………… I’ll just drop out!!

    Do you see where this type of thinking becomes a problem?
    And they say women are emotional beings, smh.

    • Tosin

      July 20, 2015 at 2:32 pm

      i’m reading your list like e-xactly! Every single one is like obvious truth over here.
      that’s not what you do? you’ll be the marrying type then 🙂
      i guess people are different Vivi. Just check in what the other person is like.

    • Ifeanyi

      July 20, 2015 at 4:40 pm

      How would you like we twist it around?

      We love Jesus, yet we Sin. It is possible to Love a Person, yet cheat?

      Your response…I wait.

  87. Tosin

    July 20, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    i actually feel strongly about this. so strongly that i wrote a book:
    just go here
    click the book title and download.

    it’s sort of like how people suffered for being left-handed, because at least for Yorubas, it’s terribly bad manners to use your left, the left hand was for cleaning your yansh and the right was for betta things like writing or giving things to adults, there was a hygiene dimension, and the Yoruba world prevented death by diarrhoea and cholera this way for hundreds of years. Now there are lefties in my family who really suffered being trained (beaten) out of it. then one day you find out that left is ok, no need to beat, you read all that left brain right brain research, and today only a bush person in Ogbomosho or wherever 🙂 🙂 would complain about lefty. lefties are special, they’re blessed.

    or how many people got jailed for trafficking marijuana, and today research is saying light up a little and chill out. Disclaimer: i do not smoke, i hate the smell of tobacco/nicotine cigarettes, and i actually can not smoke don’t have the technique, and i’m no longer that interested in learning, and i’m not asking anybody to do bad things or break any laws, and too much of anything is bad for you, even too much green tea is bad for you (so please, i’m not trying to be some sort of negative role model lol)

    i just feel like we’re going through the same process with this fidelity matter. that we’ll later find out that we stressed ourselves and our loved ones when we should have been enjoying and being happy and feeling blessed. i may be wrong. read my book, nominate me for a nobel prize. let’s go. 🙂 ok seriously, i need feedback for the next book (which will be about other stuff though.) If you can’t read a free good novel, na wa for you o. at least give it to your nieces/nephews so the next generation can do better.

  88. ka

    July 20, 2015 at 10:38 pm

    Who raised these kind of men? from what home was this man raised? Please can a well groomed man begin to write about what manhood and leadership means? I am ashamed for this writer.

  89. Busayo

    July 21, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    So many questions running through my mind.. Who is this guy? who raised him and where? How is he going to raise his sons? who is the unfortunate woman that is married or will marry him? what happened to men that are faithful to their wives? Do they have horns on their heads? what kind of young men are around these days? This guy will soon say there is no right or wrong with murder and it is all based on perspective. This is indeed very sad and people like this should not be given audience at all.

  90. Jhennique

    July 21, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    My own is simple, if you stil want to experiment please dont marry me. You get a chance to choose before u take me to that altar. Once you are in, you are in oh!
    Besides i dont think love is entirely enough to keep any man from cheating. Only the fear of God is enough to reset the brain of a man when he sees an attractive woman outside and boy are there plenty attractive women out there?

    In life we all like variety. thats human nature. We crave something new all the time. Discipline is teaching our brain to sift between what we want and what is important. ZIP UP GUYS! THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING! LETS FORGET ALL THIS FANCY TALK

  91. ruthy

    July 22, 2015 at 4:22 pm

    well Mr etc or whatever, I want you to know that some women also like varieties…using your food as example, its not only men that get tired of eating just one particular food, women do get tired too….I will not support your claim about men’s infidelity in general because believe me, I know some good guys, to stay loyal to ones vows is a personal discipline. Oga! I know some women that are so good in this cheat games as well,. what is my point.? don’t speak for all men because you just want to justify your own so call ‘animalistic urges’ we only have two side to life its either black or white or good or bad, If I decide to keep to my vows, I will be doing it because of who I am and how I view my vows not because I don’t see better options or I am not programmed to cheat, same goes for the men…speak for yourself man!

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