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Uru Eke: 5 Tips For the Single Female at 30

Uru Eke

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30-2The big 30 is symbolic with women all over the world. You find that at about that time of life, a female would have completed her education and settled into a career path.
You will also find that there is a heightened level of self-awareness; she knows who she is and what she wants. There will also be several levels of success recorded – both perceived and actual – because life will always serve each one a different buffet to pick and work with.

However, there is one thing that remains constant for a female of that age, irrespective of her race, religion and ethnicity, it is that the big 30 is also the big cut off on a timeline. After which it’s a bad case to remain single for any longer. Worse still, finding a good man becomes harder or a nightmare, and the chances of childbearing narrows greatly…this is the belief. No one may talk about it at the birthday party, but trust me everyone is thinking about it. How does she cope?

Every girl develops and lives with her fairy tale as soon as her imagination becomes active. For the lot, it will involve a prince charming, whom she’ll kiss with one foot flipped up in the air behind her. He’ll take her breath away, giving nothing but love. This imagination goes further, that by 30, he will surely be by her side. They will be man and wife, living happily ever after. Sadly, it doesn’t always turn out as planned.

At age 30 and beyond, even the most enlightened and patient family members may start to become agitated. There will be many questions that stem from concern: ‘When are you bringing someone home?’, ‘what about your ex boyfriend Mark’. You may hear comments like ‘You need to lower your expectations and be realistic’.

My mom dropped a new one on me recently; she asked “Uru will this marriage happen in my lifetime?” I burst out laughing and couldn’t contain myself. My mom is such a joker anyway.

There is also the societal stigma, especially in Africa. At that age, she is labeled old. People who know nothing about her may even start to fill in the blank spaces in more ways than one. Blind dates with misfits, aunties that are also biological matchmakers come to the rescue, questions like ‘Have you gone for deliverance?’ In your head you are screaming, ‘can someone make it stop?’ The family drama, in addition to what you may be dealing with personally, is no walk in the park.

There is also an emotional side to this conversation, at that age. The average girl would have had perhaps four serious relationships that didn’t end at the altar. Not forgetting the not-so-serious ones like the rebounds, flings and casual relationships. With each relationship that never quite made it, something is taken away from her. To some degree her faith in love and happy endings takes a journey downhill.

Scientific research has shown that women hit their fertility peak at about age 25, and that the quality and quantity of eggs produced by a female of age 35 halves from age 25. i.e. she will produce only 50% of the quality and quantity of eggs she did at age 25, when she hits 35. It doesn’t stop there, this will continue to diminish drastically past age 35. Further to this, even frozen eggs from women over 38 result in fewer pregnancies. Quite depressing huh? But chin up!

The dating market is also very hostile. A lot more guys may prefer to be with ladies who are under 30 – although there are still some brothers out there that want their women mature.
I’m such an advocate for exercise, because it really and truly shaves off a few years. While there is quite some awareness on how to stay young forever today, with fit fams, veg fams etc, she knows that when she looks in the mirror, a few things may have shifted, appeared or expanded compared to 5-10 years ago. It’s only natural and nothing to be ashamed of.

Then of course there comes the peer side of things. At that age, most of the females in her life (friends, family, colleagues,etc) who are in her age bracket may be married. Some of them are even way younger than she is. I have a couple of friends who got married 10 years ago. When I see them with their kids I’m dumbstruck and think that could be me but….

With this situation, there may be a constant struggle within. Yes, the lady loves them, so it’s nothing malicious; but they will always remind her, without speaking, that there is a missing piece of the puzzle in her life. Marriages are not always perfect, but she just wants her own little imperfect situation and KIDS!

At a point she may start to concede. It becomes about being sensible and true to her position, as opposed to finding true love. But it doesn’t have to be that way. For the female who is 30 years and beyond, who finds herself constantly drawn into a place of misery on account of being single, here are a few thoughts on how to cope.

Stay Positive
A positive outlook and approach is more likely to birth something positive. Speak what you want into existence, imagine the life that you want and that’s what the universe will deliver to you. I have heard some ladies suddenly conclude that true love doesn’t exist anymore. Life may have taken them to that point, but I say this, ‘Stay positive’.

Stay Occupied
There are other aspects to a fulfilled life, self development and spirituality for instance. These profitable ventures are worth your pretty mind. Do not be pre-occupied with only thoughts of love, marriage or men – they will wear you out.

Stay Beautiful
Letting yourself go is an absolute travesty at any point, needless to say that for the one seeking a better half, this cannot be over-emphasised. Be the best version of you. Chin up and stay beautiful

Be a Social Butterfly
At a sensible level, go out, meet new people, become a part of the community in ways that interest you. This is not targeted at finding a romantic partner solely, but also to make valuable friends and acquaintances.

Gratitude
Be thankful for the life that you have and all that you are blessed with. You need to find happiness and contentment from what already exists in your life. Guess what? life will never be entirely perfect but you can make the most of it.

This subject is very deep, there are many aspects to it and many solutions that are trending currently. I do not have it all figured out myself, but I love to share. Stay positive and avoid situations that will heighten the deep rooted anxiety that comes with finding this thing called ‘LOVE’.

161 Comments

  1. bruno

    August 16, 2015 at 11:49 am

    ” My mom dropped a new one on me recently; she
    asked “Uru will this marriage happen in my
    lifetime?” I burst out laughing and couldn’t
    contain myself. My mom is such a joker anyway.”

    oh please, dont pretend like those words didn’t sting a bit. lool nigerian mothers know how to throw shade very well.

    • Kaeto

      August 16, 2015 at 3:42 pm

      Most guys act like they are doing a woman a favour by marrying her-
      Tcheww as for me, I plan on having kids at 24 ( whether through adoption or natural), I just don’t need being alone. At the end of the day, many men feel the way we feel. Even casual sex don’t cut it for them. Don’t worry we all have our soul mates but we have to work at it, love/ intimacy not for lazy people.

    • Lois

      August 17, 2015 at 10:10 am

      You know why you think like this? You are not 24 yet

    • Surely

      August 17, 2015 at 5:55 pm

      24 is still a child… Yo probably don’t know yourself then but you want to raise another life…

    • angry not-yet-24

      August 20, 2015 at 4:46 pm

      abeg dont mind all these negative people telling you ure still young…are we the ones that sent you not to have goals and ambitions and work towards it before u were 24..im not 24 but i hate it when i talk of relationship and marriage and what i want in life. im a fresh 22 year old, i have been working for 2 years now ad doing my masters, please who says i cannot settle down and marry? bitter old people tryna make young people feel lie they should shut up when marriage matters come up..
      i usually dont rant but then age related condescending talks get me a lot

    • Chiboy

      August 16, 2015 at 5:05 pm

      .Why always so negative? Did she say she wasn’t reminded? People cope with stress differently

    • cryingneversolvedanything

      August 17, 2015 at 1:23 am

      yo bruno! what if it didn’t?

    • arrived

      August 17, 2015 at 3:54 am

      Marriage is seriously overrated. Women with kids seek marriage, but if u have no kids, enjoy life. Trust me, marriage sucks!

  2. Rude gal

    August 16, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    U tell them u’r at a friend’s wedding and they ask “when is yours?” .. and my dad calls me for a talk ,and it’s about rshps and when it’s gonna happen.. I’m just 25 and trying to be a better person. Worst is, I’m not even dating. I have a busy life and a very small circle. But, I don’t let this bother me. Av told my parents to let me be,and at the right time things will happen. God makes everything perfect in His own time.

  3. Presh

    August 16, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    Thank you Uru for sharing these. i could you use some of these points.
    i am hitting the Big 30 in couple of days, the thought of it has been terrorizing lately. 30 and single wheww”’ .

    • The Buttery Hotness

      August 16, 2015 at 2:06 pm

      Happy birthday in advance! Have loads of fun and lots of laughter. May God continue to enlarge your territory. xx

    • Hadiza

      August 16, 2015 at 9:02 pm

      Happy Birthday Presh, I wish you find all you desire and very soon at that,

      I turn 30 in December and I really want to be married before then but I’m not even dating! I used to be sooo bothered about it but at some point I became like fuck it, il take it all in stride, life is meant to be fun and marriage is part of the journey not the destination.

      I’m going to be 30 soon but I look 21, previously I would reduce my age when guys ask me how old I am because they could never guess, a few days ago I got approached by a 23 year old trying to toast me, he almost passed out when I told him I’m 29. I decided to stop being untrue and be proud of how old I am, be proud of ever year I have spent on earth cos it is a testimony of grace, of strength, of reach experiences, of lessons learned and of wisdom gathered. To be alive is a blessing and regardless of what’s society says I have chosen to wear my age as a crown with joy and contentment, I believe absolutely that everything will fall in place as it ought at the right time. If I have a good man in my life before then hurray but if not I’m still going to get a branded Dirty 30 tee and turn up like its 99!! Lol!

      TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!!!

      Happy birthday to you and to Uru, Nice one!!

    • Hadiza

      August 16, 2015 at 9:05 pm

      Rich* lol

  4. Rude gal

    August 16, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    The worst part is, my dad was a super strict guy. I remember the very last slap I received from him almost blinded me and it was because of a guy who I hadn’t spoken to. Dude came to our house to ask of me ,and my dad wouldn’t believe wen I said I didn’t know him. Irony of life… U police us and expect us to come up Wt husbands as soon as u want.

    • nene

      August 16, 2015 at 12:56 pm

      gbam

    • Ese_sleek

      August 16, 2015 at 1:57 pm

      my God in heaven will continually bless you…
      Thank you ooo…I no just understand..

    • Bae

      August 16, 2015 at 7:10 pm

      Same page with you my dear, when I was your age I told my parents I wanted to visit my ex in Nigeria, it was a long distance relationship ( they were like do you think he will wait for you, do you think he wont have another person…do you think this, do you think that…alot to discourage me), it’s been a couple of years that happened the ex got married recently and i am still single but am sure my parents dont even hhave the nerve to ask me to bring someone home…hahaha, I dont want to imagine them asking .My mom is super strict and I cant just write all i went through when I was much younger.

    • Rrrrrrrf

      August 16, 2015 at 7:21 pm

      Double tuale for your comment

    • Root

      August 16, 2015 at 10:35 pm

      Trust me, it’s guys who were players when they were younger that super-monitor their daughters when their kids eventually grow up. Lol.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 17, 2015 at 10:22 am

      Another tuale for you. I’m the daughter of one of those “guy-men” and trust me – you ain’t never lied…

  5. EllesarisEllendil

    August 16, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    As the world changes, something, perhaps its God or perhaps our own fatalistic biology changes certain societal rules that were once considered static, sacrosanct even. Marrying at an early age is one of those, it was important then because the average life expectancy was 45, lower in some cases, so we had to replace ourselves at a faster rate. Now most of us here will probably live to our 90s, very old people are no longer rare.

    What’s my point, if you’re a single woman in your 30s, congratulations you’re the new normal, don’t sweat it. If you happen to get married late, just consult a good fertility Doctor and you’ll be fine.

    If only this article was yesterday. I would have been flippant instead but Sunday is a day for civility.

  6. amara

    August 16, 2015 at 12:21 pm

    I love this piece.

  7. Dr. N

    August 16, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    Fight the desperation.
    So my dad & I watched an episode of ‘The Bachelor’ years back. The guy was a doctor probably 38. One of the contestants was a 34 or 35 year old doctor. He was due to send the 1st batch of ladies home on their 1st night. Ms. Doc corners d bachelor aside.
    “You know we are very successful and accomplished people. Frankly, I don’t think any of these ladies has an IQ similar to ours. We are a great match. Let’s do this.”
    The guy is like “Huh?”
    She goes on. “Another reason you should pick me is I am 35 and my fertility is about halved. I can literally feel my eggs dieing! Help a sister out.”
    By this time, Mr. Bach’s eyes are nearly popping out with shock, his mouth agape. Of course he does not give her a rose. Guess what she did? She cornered him to demand an explanation and accuses him of low self-esteem.
    My dad was like “What!!!”
    I literally covered my face on her behalf.
    Ladies, be like fine wine. If it doesn’t happen #B430, set a deadline for #B440. U can keep reviewing d goal jare. Nothing spoil. Heard of assisted reproduction?

  8. kaycee

    August 16, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Very well put together Eku. One thing I think every 30+ ladies should do it not to let their age determine lifestyle. I guess at 30 ladies becomes to mature for their own good, not that becoming mature is a bad thing, but I know most men crave that young and vibrant attitude you had when you were less than 30. In all honesty, the pressure directed at our ladies is too much, I guess the gents should try as much as not to waste our ladies time if you have no future plans for her. I also encourage the ladies to open themselves up more for interaction, as I know lots o good ladies that literally stay indoor, thereby limiting there chances of meeting their potential suitor, this outdoor activities have had a tremendous success in the past few years in Lagos .

    1) Going for a run in Ikoyi – Lekki bridge: The good thing about this is that you will be killing two birds with one stone (Getting fit and the likely hood of potential suitor). But be careful about this one, many men come here for their day game as they figured out that ladies come here for such activities (By such activities i mean exercise and potential suitor) .

    2) National museum: The amount of link up that happens here is quite tremendous, and the good thing about it is that you only meet men who know what they want.

    3) Visit the Law School: I understand the fact that you need a reason to come here if you are not a law student or have no friend in the law school, well I will give you a reason to come, You can make ur hair or do pedicure or manicure, cos there are plethora of outlets that offer such activities around there. There was a belief back in early 2000 that Out of every 6 law students, 3 end up getting hitched by the end of their program, it might just rub off on you.

    4) Take an evening stroll.: Be in your one’s. Having a company is good as well, but three becomes a crowd.

    5) Go for reading club or art gallery: This is good for ladies who love artistic men.

    6) Visit the malls: I personally don’t recommend but it does work out.

    7) Visit the Zoo: Here you meet your original African man who still appreciates the discordant between the modern world and ancient times.
    Note that this list is for ladies who are getting overly concerned about their marriage status.

    • Ms Poser

      August 16, 2015 at 2:58 pm

      Which zoo? I am curious honestly.

  9. ElessarisEllendil

    August 16, 2015 at 12:31 pm

    Just stalked OP’s instagram☺️☺️☺️

    Guys 29 and above, una fall hand big-time. Funnily, there is one agbaya there forming “my long time crush”, hopefully he grows a pair, plain crushing with no acting is something you leave behind in JSS3.

    • Frosh

      August 16, 2015 at 9:44 pm

      Who’s OP?

    • ElessarisEllendil

      August 17, 2015 at 2:58 am

      Sorry, OP means Overall Poster to differentiate the person that posted the article from the rest of us posting our comments.

  10. Remi

    August 16, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    I feel like u are actually living my life right now. Dis article is on point.

  11. Andrew

    August 16, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    The hustle for a husband is real..Husbands are really scarce these days its unreal.. My female friend recently told me to hook her friends up with one of my friends and I looked closely and couldnt even think of anyone and I have loads and friends and colleagues..Thats how crazy it is..as for women u can form from 18 up till 27 after that age it gets really hard.. But women should be more realistic thats the major problem..all the best Uru

  12. anon

    August 16, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    This article is really what almost all 30 year old female goes through…your tips are exactly what I do…staying positive fluctutes tho but I do something else which I call “ACCEPTANCE”…accepting that if I am single by say 35 or 40 its ok and I will definitely be adopting a kid (I’ve informed my mum lol). I am blessed with a. wonderful family and terrific friends so hey its all good. As much as noone wants to be lonely the stress of a man who is problematic (not our portion IJN) is not something I have energy for.

    • Abi

      August 16, 2015 at 7:24 pm

      ‘staying positive fluctutes tho but I do something else which I call “ACCEPTANCE”…accepting that if I am single by say 35 or 40 its ok and I will definitely be adopting a kid’ You took the words right out of my mouth and head. I know this will be hard for some of my family members to stomach and swallow as I am the first child and there are lots of expectations but it is the truth. I have to be content and only then will I find true happiness in the life I am living.

  13. Wariwa

    August 16, 2015 at 1:07 pm

    Remember when you had a crush on Okija Bukandi?
    He was not that into you. Its alright though!
    Enlightening piece i must say!

    • cryingneversolvedanything

      August 17, 2015 at 1:39 am

      who is Okija Bukandi?

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      August 17, 2015 at 9:37 am

      Ebuka Obi-Uchendu

    • 30+SinglenHappyWoman

      August 17, 2015 at 10:22 am

      Could Okija Bukandi be referring to Ebuka Obi-Uchendu?
      Well @Wariwa, I don’t see the issue if she wasn”t fancied back by “Okija Bukandi”, In life u can’t like/be liked by everyone and we all have to accept that.

    • ElessarisEllendil

      August 17, 2015 at 3:00 am

      Guy! how can you just drop 10% of the gist and go?? Come back and finish it!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 17, 2015 at 10:33 am

      Crushes are allowed, jare…. I’ve always said that if Naija society (actually, not even just Naija, as even most western societies are surprisingly traditional about certain roles between the sexes) was open to the idea of women toasting men, at least 70% of the amazing single women I know would’ve been happily married off with their own families a very long time ago.

      But, since una no go gree us without calling us brazen hussies, na to dey crush quietly and to dey hope and pray say one day, bros will catch the many signals being sent his way and “tune in”.

  14. Aro

    August 16, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    lmao okay. Those of us in London nko? Where do we meet them?
    Lol no men in London
    They re just after papers
    Before you guys bite me
    I noticed too o

    • PAPER LOVE

      August 17, 2015 at 12:59 pm

      Looool ure right. A friend of mine got married recently in the UK and we all know he married the lady for papers (both Nigerians). the wedding was splendid and so much money was spent because she is the only child of her parents.
      We all know the guy married her for papers but am so so sure the lady and her parents are not even aware because if only they knew ehnnnnn, they wont spend so much money on that wedding. All these guys that travel for masters and fall in love with British girls because of Visa. It is only God that can help with so much fakery nowadays

      Sometimes i shake my head at the way this guy makes it look as if its true love. We the inner circle know its “PAPER LOVE”

  15. Nneka Maneke

    August 16, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    Am so glad you shared this,truth is not everyone is going to get married and not everyone who says yes I do says peace I have.People just assume that once you re married then everything is settled

    • Nahum

      August 16, 2015 at 3:35 pm

      Truth!!! Hmm, marriage is not something your get hypertension over. Especially if you desire to marry in this society of ours. The prayer a single woman should say is not “God give me a husband” but “God deliver me from a bad man”. Husbands are plenty, don’t be deceived, but your life partner is just one. Don’t pray for tall, dark, rich and handsome. Pray for an honest, loyal, God fearing man with good character. And also know that it may take a while to find him but don’t give up. Tall and rich will disappear if his character is filthy. It is not about when you marry, but the character of the man you marry. Ladies, this is the future father of your children, your next of kin, the man that will make medical decisions for you when you are unable to… Please choose wisely. Look beyond vanity.

    • Ana

      August 18, 2015 at 11:14 am

      Love this a mil….

  16. I'mJustSayn'

    August 16, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    My mom always told me “Don’t be in a rush to decide. If you marry the wrong one, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life” I got married at 30 and I’m glad I waited. Don’t let ANYBODY pressure you. It’s your life, your happiness.

  17. ACE

    August 16, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    Nice one. I think most important thing is stay occupied with positive people and things that make u happy, for me staying fit, eating nice meals, going to church, reading books, keeps me sane. My mom asked me a month ago” could it be that it’s because you are rude, mean and expensive that all your ex runs away?” well no mom! It’s well.

  18. aisha

    August 16, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    !Hi Uru, how about the 30 married mom who doesn’t fill fulfilled career wise. Should she venture into business? But with the current exchange rate?!

    • me

      August 16, 2015 at 4:52 pm

      Mumu ! Is that what the article is about? Exchange rate ko…..

  19. sum1special

    August 16, 2015 at 2:41 pm

    Lovely article. I could relate with this not until sunday when a guy i have known half my life pops the question. So i am just about to clock 30,i am engaged, about to be married, excited and cant wait to start my life with this amazing man who has always been there, and took me this long to figure it out. My advice to ladies who are 30 and single,please be very patient and pray without ceasing. I know it would hurt sometimes, trust me i have been there. God truly hears our prayers even when we think he isnt. Everyones time is different and please dont compare yourself with friends or people who might be married. Like the writer said,occupy yourself with other things. Thats what i did.i just focused on God,work and other hobbies. When i got engaged,it happened like a dream. This is my testimony,please dont be sad. God wil give you yours at his appointed time.

  20. dassy

    August 16, 2015 at 3:49 pm

    Pls wats ur advice for a lady of 25 who is married but not. Enjoying d marriage @ all n her hubby is even heping matters

    • Asgrl

      August 17, 2015 at 5:10 am

      Hunh?

    • Dr. N

      August 17, 2015 at 10:11 am

      Send an email to aunty Bella

  21. amaka Nze

    August 16, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    Nice one. Great TIPS.

  22. Mowa

    August 16, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    I turned 30 few days ago, single and just got out of an employment. Life could be so unfair sometimes.

    • adeanon

      August 16, 2015 at 6:44 pm

      Mowa, the storm eventually runs out of rain. Life can be unfair,but it’s left to you what you do with the curveballs. Pick yourself up, apply for jobs,volunteer in church. Better days are ahead x

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 17, 2015 at 10:55 am

      Amen and AMEN!! @Mowa, I can testify to what @adeanon says as you’re standing exactly where I was at the same age, 6 years ago. Broke, jobless, and eventually losing the boyfriend a few months afterwards. Actually, I think by this exact month 6 years ago, I had just been out of work for a few weeks and my days were fast turning darker and darker …

      @Mowa is right – the storm eventually runs out of rain. And I did those things that he (she?) has recommended for you to try and focus on during this period. Stay strong, luv, your strength is more than you think it is, especially when God’s Hand is over it all and I pray that you’ll receive your own testimony to encourage someone else with in the near future. xx

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 17, 2015 at 10:56 am

      Apologies, that 2nd paragraph should have started with “@adenon” and not “@Mowa”…

    • Jk

      August 16, 2015 at 6:48 pm

      Dont worry its gonna be good!

    • hadassah

      August 16, 2015 at 9:32 pm

      You will be fine, dear God’s got your back x

  23. hmm

    August 16, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    Thirty is new Twenty, enjoy your thirties. All these scientific research doesn’t apply to African woman I am glad to say we not included in sample.

    • adeanon

      August 16, 2015 at 6:46 pm

      not true. fertility decreases regardless of age. not saying that’s the reason to settle.

    • Root

      August 16, 2015 at 10:52 pm

      Don’t be too sure. If you’ve been eating all these noodles and other processed foodstuff, then it definitely applies. Lots of these processed crap we eat are used by western countries to regulate childbirth, especially in Africa, or haven’t you noticed How harder it is to give birth these days unlike those days when our parents ate fresh food directly from the farm?

  24. esty

    August 16, 2015 at 4:31 pm

    it true dt marriage is gd bt not all dt are married are happy .people often say dt wen a woman graduate n do not hv a serious date or engaged dt it wil b hard for her to marry. may i ask a question,who said so n who made d calender for marriage? let’s not forget wat d bible tld us in isa 16 :34 dt non shall lack her mate. d reason ur stil single is bcos God stil wnts u to learn n study more so u wunt fail in dt assignments called marriag

  25. esty

    August 16, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    some are 30 while some are yet to clock it. wherever u are pls focus n live positively. cos u cnt afort to fail. wat wil u say or do wen ur younger get married bf u even afta clocking. life goes on dearies for our ttm wil come

  26. Onyi

    August 16, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    Uru Eke, beauty with brains!!! I have always been a fan, Innie Edo cannot write this lol.

    • Chuckleberry

      August 16, 2015 at 11:04 pm

      Can you write this? ?? The answer is obvious. This comparison is totally unnecessary. Not everyone can articulate their thoughts or emotions into words .People have their high points and low so let them be.

    • cryingneversolvedanything

      August 17, 2015 at 1:57 am

      really? seriously? You just had to throw someone under the bus.

  27. Tea

    August 16, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    Intelligent article. Articulate and worth my Sunday read. For all the ladies out there and over 30, it can be tough but hang in there.

  28. Vic

    August 16, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    Well done Uru,

    Well Written.

    God has a perfect plan for all his children.

    But it can be tough, i have sisters.

  29. Chiboy

    August 16, 2015 at 4:41 pm

    Uru is beautiful!

    • adeanon

      August 16, 2015 at 6:48 pm

      shes stunning!!!

  30. may

    August 16, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    I know this is off topic but I need help.can someone marry his or her age mate? or when the guy is just 1year older than the lady?hmmm need answers guys.thanks

    • Ready

      August 17, 2015 at 8:34 am

      Hi May,
      This question is surprising to me; I guess it’s a cultural or background difference. Most couples that I know are either a year or 2 apart–and that goes for my parents and their friends. These days, women are even marrying men whom they are older than.
      If he’s mature and good to you, and is the man you want, I don’t see why not.

  31. Chiboy

    August 16, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    And everyone can afford a good fertility doctor if they marry late huh? This article addresses the issues with being single at that age, it doesn’t say there are no hopes beyond

    • cryingneversolvedanything

      August 17, 2015 at 1:59 am

      well if you marry late and you are yet to achieve anything then you have to weep for a single life poorly spent. #imjustbeingreal.

  32. Suwa

    August 16, 2015 at 6:00 pm

    30 already and always reminding me to get a boyfriend, that’s not all o! Plus I don’t wanna get old… Right now, I’m in a relationship that doesn’t even have a definition because the men that are coming are just too much and e dey confuse me, that’s why I decided to have a phone boyfriend and I am very happy. Don’t judge me biko. Please is marriage a ticket to heaven?

    • Damseldam1

      August 17, 2015 at 12:30 am

      Please o pardon my naivety but which one is phone boyfriend? Never heard of that

  33. Suwa

    August 16, 2015 at 6:02 pm

    Thank you Uru.

  34. D Main Man

    August 16, 2015 at 6:08 pm

    You guys have forgotten the ‘MOTHER TIP’ and that is through referrals- and that is through good friends and relatives- good family background (your responsible brothers-their friends).

    – discreetly talk to trusted people about not being in a serious relationship- Right now as i write i am on more than three guy’s request to search out a good lady…one of the men is a regional manager in a top beverage company but you wont know, he wont tell you…and silently wants to surprise the lady, the other works with CBN for years and the other a (BE Level) banker but i do not have any good person to recommend.

    good family background, good will and uprightness is always the key, if you dont have good family background hang around those who do.

    So my point is that apart from the walk-in customers( the suitors you meet on the road) discreetly and funnily hint to your friends that you dont have a caring boyfriend- but the golden rule is that you have to be a good person, nobody recommends a bad person not even a repented bad person.

    • Nikky

      August 16, 2015 at 10:45 pm

      Choi… I’m single and I’m your definition of a good woman, a referral would be amazing *wink* though I’m not a friend or family. Do a sister a solid and refer me to one of your good guys. U won’t regret I promise

    • Root

      August 16, 2015 at 10:59 pm

      Lol. You kidding right? Everybody is bad and what makes us all human and even is repentance. Besides who can you in all honesty vouch for?

    • Magz

      August 17, 2015 at 9:46 am

      I am a good girl……mbok help a sister out

    • D Main Man

      August 18, 2015 at 4:13 pm

      Hello sisters how do i get in contact with you guys?

    • Dee one

      August 19, 2015 at 12:05 am

      Where are your friends based, what part of Nigeria ? Let’s start from there

  35. Gigi

    August 16, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    well if you are single
    fall back off social media and unfollow your married friends cos truth be told they sure know how to make you depressed more of your life with all their show off. .FB is also very depressing. I am trying to do other stuff to occupy time instead of facebooking and what not and on IG i try to follow things that interest me such as Interior design, fashion etc. Dont follow married folks who love to show off especially like Maky. No one shows off more than her. As thought he whole world she is the only one married. I wont mention her last name but if you a follower of her on IG you know who i mean.

    • fabulicious

      August 17, 2015 at 12:00 am

      Gigi, shade of life. We all know it is Maky benson…hahahahahaha. Make una pardon those kain people ooooo. Social media gives them so much gratification. It is cringeworthy sometimes.

    • Dee

      August 17, 2015 at 1:52 am

      If you continue to think like this, you won’t get married and if you do, it may be an unhappy one (apologies if you feel offended, but its the truth)
      Check your heart, it means you are not happy for your married friends. So when you get married too, your single friends should unfollow you or unfriend you? That is not how to stay positive. Trust me, when you are genuinely happy for people, your own marital happiness will also come.

    • aj

      August 17, 2015 at 2:10 am

      which Maky are you talking about? the one married to a yoruba guy and has a son? How is she showing off if I might ask?

  36. Timely piece

    August 16, 2015 at 6:41 pm

    Such a timely piece. I’ve never really been one to let society dictate my life but Naija is tough…. And the guys one meets *sigh* they know what you want but these new dating games sha. You can’t be upfront cos you’re labelled thirsty and can’t front too much or the ‘bitch’ label comes in. You have to open up to so much to what one wouldn’t normally even accept. And the guys in naij are substandard I find so adjusting expectations comes in. In all, it’s sort of funny looking at it objectively but serious at the same time esp for our concerned parents. But alas, one can’t kill themselves so just enjoy the time. The grass isn’t always greener and our journeys are ours alone. In my mind it’s more “I’m the one that has to look at this man in the face for the rest of my life, Jor o I can’t rush this!”

  37. Iphy

    August 16, 2015 at 8:15 pm

    Uru keep talking to me please, don’t stop!

  38. Ada

    August 16, 2015 at 8:16 pm

    One of my best on bella, Well donr Uru Eke.

  39. Oy

    August 16, 2015 at 8:18 pm

    Uru and you dont even look 30

  40. Mimi May

    August 16, 2015 at 8:35 pm

    I was in this shoe some years back when I was single. I remembered with shiver what I passed true. All my cousins (even younger ones) were married and I was d eldest unmarried. I felt out of place during family gatherings both my paternal and maternal. It got to a point my mum n her sisters held a joint prayer for me in front of my younger cousins. I was so embarrassed n wept bitterly. (M in tears now). It was as if nothing good would come up but I utilized the time to do my Msc and write my professional exam not knowing my Prince charming was on his way and to God be the glory, I am happily married to my School mate during my under grad days. What am I saying? Pls Ladies, delay in marriage can be frustrating but that doesn’t mean denial. Fertility or no fertility, it not for every one. My sis in law got preg @ 39. Just stay positive n utilize ur time as a single lady wisely while waiting for ur hubby. Run programs, professional ones, step up in a constructive way and be close to God. Don’t be believe in the myth that prospective husband shy away from learned single ladies. That was actually d reason my girlfriend refused to do her Msc. Can u beat that? N d unfortunate thing is that she’s still single. Praying that ur Prince charming will locate u in no distant time.

  41. Mimi May

    August 16, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    Wrong typos… ..passed through n co. Sorry

  42. Hadiza

    August 16, 2015 at 9:01 pm

    Happy Birthday Presh, I wish you find all you desire and very soon at that,

    I turn 30 in December and I really want to be married before then but I’m not even dating! I used to be sooo bothered about it but at some point I became like fuck it, il take it all in stride, life is meant to be fun and marriage is part of the journey not the destination.

    I’m going to be 30 soon but I look 21, previously I would reduce my age when guys ask me how old I am because they could never guess, a few days ago I got approached by a 23 year old trying to toast me, he almost passed out when I told him I’m 29. I decided to stop being untrue and be proud of how old I am, be proud of ever year I have spent on earth cos it is a testimony of grace, of strength, of reach experiences, of lessons learned and of wisdom gathered. To be alive is a blessing and regardless of what’s society says I have chosen to wear my age as a crown with joy and contentment, I believe absolutely that everything will fall in place as it ought at the right time. If I have a good man in my life before then hurray but if not I’m still going to get a branded Dirty 30 tee and turn up like its 99!! Lol!

    TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!!!

    Happy birthday to you and to Uru, Nice one!!

  43. duchess_ibkgeorge

    August 16, 2015 at 9:18 pm

    Hmmm this is for me Miss AKA 34….Its funny how society put pressure on we ladies in our 30s but honestly have developed a thick skin to it.That was how i got talking to a guy a while ago who thought I should not put my standards up because am in my 30s and to him time is not on my side.Annoying!Future belongs to God and He makes all things beautiful in his time.I believe my time will come and it will fall in good places.To be honest no one is perfect but at least if i see 70% man i will go for him.Who does not want to wake up every morning on the chest of her Boo every morning?At the same time who wants to be with heart aches and sorrow every morning simply because of the wrong choice of spouse ?Its well!

  44. maromec

    August 16, 2015 at 9:51 pm

    @Gigi may God visit you soon
    Allow amaka ….

  45. leftbrained

    August 16, 2015 at 10:01 pm

    Be decieving yourself. When you ought to have been serious, you were doing runs and having consexual fling up and down, then you realized that age is catching up.

    Xcuse me sister, dont try to be forming you are alright when you are not on BN. By the time you clock 35 pr 40, your brain will open up

    Nonsense people pretending ip and down and forming posh

    • Duchess Maria

      August 17, 2015 at 12:53 am

      Very idiotic response. Clap for yourself.

    • cryingneversolvedanything

      August 17, 2015 at 2:04 am

      your brain na real left and I don’t mean it in a good way. Na so e do you reach so tey you come here con dey curse person. smh… na wa for you oh

    • my take

      August 17, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      hey! if you must know, most of the runs girls get married before most of the good ladies. i remember in my final year in school, a notorious runs girl and her fellow runs girl got married. Surprisingly, one of them just had one of her s.x tape leaked shortly before she got married. as i speak to you, i cant even count how many of the runs girls in my school that are yet to be unmarried, whereas there are a lot of good ladies out there still unmarried. bitter i must say

  46. noella

    August 16, 2015 at 10:05 pm

    Wow i read these things admiring the diverse opinions most ppl hit on some salient points dmain man made good points. You have to be a person of good moral xter. Please ladies don’t appear needy it will hunt you forever and will make him take you for granted. I know the urgency is real and if you intend on having kids you want to embark on it when you have the health, stamina and patience to do so. Marriage is tedious so no one should be mismatched. One thing ppl don’t realize is that men are just as desperate as women if not more. Some men believe they don’t get their respect until they are married and some feel like wayfarers and semi losers when unmarried. The biological issue goes both ways as men get older their sperm gets less viable their performance abilities decrease too from age 40 and prostate problems ensue. So both parties need to take the issue seriously the indictment is not only on women. God will see everyone through.

  47. Strong Faith

    August 16, 2015 at 10:51 pm

    I am in my mid 30’s and 100% single. I am patiently believing God for a godly single man. I’m an only daughter of my Mum, but I thank God that I’m not being pressured into marriage by my parents. My Dad will always say to me to remain patient that it will happen in God’s time. I have suitors coming, but mostly younger guys – maybe because I look far younger than my age, but, I don’t mind marrying a younger man. However, I will patiently wait for a God fearing man and I know that it will happen for me before this year runs out. However, I am naturally quiet and reserved, with a tendency to stay indoors often. So, last week, I made up my mind to find something that’ll get me out of my house each day, before I resume work. One never can tell when, where and how one’s prayers will be answered! #happyandblessed. Thank you, Jesus.

    • Ayoyi

      August 18, 2015 at 1:25 pm

      Hmm…this is the story of my life! I am 32 and unmarried but in a relationship.Now the issue has moved from wanting to get married and start having children to issues from my potential parents in-law not accepting me because i am older than my bf(he’s 30).Truth be told,in years past,dating a younger person wouldnt even occur to me but we met and life happened and i’m happy.Is there no satisfying people????

  48. bisi

    August 16, 2015 at 10:56 pm

    Lovely piece…am 30 single n unemployed..its really hard..but I stay positive

    • Dee one

      August 18, 2015 at 5:37 am

      You are my twin in misery…. I try my best to stay positive but it’s really really hard. I have surrendered all to God

  49. sally

    August 16, 2015 at 11:04 pm

    I will be 30 in a couple of days….in as much as am thankful 2 God…I still wish deep down I was married, it just seems as if being a good Christian girl is not worth it anymore, d ladies I know who were runz grls and don’t believe in true love are already married….I wait on you oh Lord!!!!

    • Ulo

      August 17, 2015 at 7:51 am

      Add being a virgin to that! One man actually told me, “Virgins no dey reign again.” Sigh!

    • nene

      August 17, 2015 at 11:13 am

      you just have to go out more and try to look good without exposing your lady parts. it’s not really about being a good/bad girl, it’s about the physical, most men are attracted to what they see.

    • Mocha

      August 17, 2015 at 1:56 pm

      The problem is with you thinking your ‘good works’ should make you deserve good things but that is wrong. God’s blessings are not based on our works but on His love and purpose for us.

    • Sunrise

      August 17, 2015 at 2:19 pm

      Hi Sally, saw your post on here and I want to be a friend. Write me to [email protected] Pls do include your dial,location.

  50. Uju

    August 16, 2015 at 11:20 pm

    Thank you Uru for writing this – so raw and truthful. It’s encouraging to all the single women out there.

    I can totally relate because I felt every one of the scenarios and emotions you described.

    Like someone said, when it happens and you finally get hitched, it will be like a dream . Please stay positive and keep praying ………that the peace of God will guard your hearts and minds through it all. So that you won’t be having sleepless nights because of it or start feeling that something is wrong with you.

  51. Root

    August 16, 2015 at 11:24 pm

    Maybe if people generally would realise that they are in No competition with anyone and they have a life to live and they should jolly Well get on with it, then Maybe they would feel less pressured. If naturally you aren’t Happy, marriage ain’t gonna fix that. Infact marriage isn’t the solution to your problems, cos it comes with it’s own headaches and hassles. Am a guy, and I would love to advice ladies, work on finding happiness within yourselves. Don’t place your happiness in the hands of another human being. No man can fulfil that in a woman. Expecting your man to be 100% source of your happiness is placing a lot of pressure on him. if you are single, that is an opportunity for you to develop numerous hobbies and interests. You never know what you will need to do in future to bail out your family if there is a financial crunch at home. One last word, believe that you are beautiful, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise, because you truly are. Imbibe humility for that is what makes your beauty wholesome and lasting. God bless you all single ladies.

    • Sweet

      August 17, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      I love your comment, some people keep saying I am too skinny, most times i just ignore it but sometimes i get irritated

    • adeanon

      August 17, 2015 at 7:53 pm

      Sweet, let them say. Skinny girls rock. You can wear almost whatever. I was skinny and got those type of comments. Now 2 kids later I have to work out and watch what I eat to keep that figure. And its blooody hard work!

  52. Moonprincess

    August 16, 2015 at 11:41 pm

    Thanks Uru. I hit the big 30 a few months ago and it was worrisome to not be in a relationship talk more of have a family . I still feel unhappy about it but nothing can be done. I grew up in a setting where my father was so strict I couldn’t play with my friends and my mother didn’t help. I learnt to live on my own and today they arr looking for the man and harassing me about getting married forgetting the problem started from them. Well I have channelled my time to my career till the right man comes and I certainly will not put my children through this

  53. eileen

    August 16, 2015 at 11:42 pm

    Nasa nasa!!! Where are you??

  54. Mowa

    August 17, 2015 at 12:02 am

    Thanks Adeanon and Jk

  55. Anonymous

    August 17, 2015 at 1:27 am

    Why is she giving advice to others when she hasn’t found the one. Doesn’t make sense.

    Ladies, be practical and lower your standards. Most young Nigerian women of marriage age want to live in a mansion from the very first day when it took your parents many years to build. Besides, you don’t look at marriage as a team effort. You are looking for a man that has everything, more like a life raft, while you just have babies.

    While some women will marry a rich man, most women won’t because there aren’t enough to go around.

    I see a lot of women that walk around with a sense of entitlement in Nigeria. I’m beautiful, and, , therefore, I deserve the best. Remember, if you cannot provide the comfort you are seeking for yourself, don’t expect it from someone else.

    Can you marry a man who lives in a modest one bedroom flat? If your answer is no, then you know what your problem is.

    • justsaying

      August 17, 2015 at 5:53 am

      I honestly agree with you. I’m 27 and married. My husband is 29, works hard, has a decent job and I believe we will build our mansions together. But I have a friend who’s 29 and single. I have never been able to place a finger on it, but you’ve put it so aptly. She has a sense of entitlement ‘i’m beautiful, i’m a good girl so I deserve the best’..She has turned down many suitors once she sees they can’t buy her a car or pay for holidays abroad.. I try to make her see that this things may not happen now, but they will happen eventually. But she never listens..because the only guys she gives any attention to are the rich guys who live in Lekki and gives her spare car to use when her car is bad..Truth is, we are surrounded by friends whose bfs buy them cars just because, or pays for their vacations etc..so I think she has let that become her yardstick.. i’m not saying it’s bad, because it’s not..who no like better thing lol..i mean, it’ll be nice to have all that now because when friend A says look at what boo just got me or look at this, i’m like awww thats nice ooh..and I say a silent prayer for my husband – God bless my husband’s hustle too ooh, because I know he’ll spoil me when he has..Honestly, I love my friend so much but it’s so hard to get her to understand that true, every woman wants to marry a rich guy and live in affluence but there’s also great joy is building together. Because the young billionaire wife dream won’t come true for everyone.

    • Californiabawlar

      August 17, 2015 at 8:20 am

      Ooooh lawdy lawd! And I been just wan waka pass ni o, but you, madam adviser and your crew, need to get checked!

      1. The message is about coping with being single, so if she was married, she wouldn’t be particularly qualify would she? Comprehension is vital.

      2. Are you single? Do you know what’s out there? Most single chicks don’t even have vain standards that folks assume. I need people to clarify if yall mean lower your standards OR get desperate and marry anything.

      You’d be surprised at the crop of guys out there. Unless you’re saying lower your standards and accept a cheating, abusive and/or lazy man, then I really don’t know how much lower my standards can go o!

      Plus in my small experience in this ‘marriage industry’, getting with someone you typically wouldn’t have dated in your younger years doesn’t guarantee nada! That’s how I used ‘maturity’ to follow one scruny short no-money-having goat and he just squandered my 2013/2014 emotional year. Most of these dudes have self esteem issues and will eventually assume they can’t ‘handle’ a chick of your caliber and dump your behind for someone on their level…so my dear, why bother? Cos trust me, it hurts 2ce as much.

      Again I ask you, ARE YOU SINGLE? At what age did your partner find you? Do you understand the complexities of dating in your late 20s & 30s. Or you think it’s like when some dude took you and your friends to Sweet Sensation? I can’t stand all these chicks that marry right out of Uni/NYSC coming on here giving dating advice. I don’t lecture you about how to deal with you husband, so please….

      Get off your raggedyass horse (we all know it ain’t high) and go make your family food for the week.

    • whocares

      August 17, 2015 at 9:00 am

      *slow clap*. You win the internet today.

    • Idomagirl

      August 17, 2015 at 12:39 pm

      Thank you o Californiabawlar. Your response is perfect for people who lack comprehension skills.

    • TOSIN

      August 17, 2015 at 12:45 pm

      i cant stop laughing at your comment……wowzaaah!!!!, you are mean. LMAO!

    • TOSIN

      August 17, 2015 at 1:04 pm

      gbam!!…wowzaah!, you are so mean….LMAO.

    • nifes

      August 18, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      girl girl..or are you a guy?…lol..girl guy a zillion likes……esp. @ marry anything..when people give you marriage advice in Nigeria it’s always on the assumption you’re a gold digger so annoying!!!!and you rightly mentioned the crop of men these days sorely lacking in the basic characteristics of a reasonable man..sheesh!Most men don’t even make the attempt to work on their flaws because “women are desperate we are doing them a favour”it’s so unbelievable that it would be funny if it wasn’t a sorry thing.sigh

    • Truth Teller

      August 17, 2015 at 10:06 am

      @Anonymous, I really HATE comments like yours,HATE, no need mincing words. I HATE it when people assume that women’s standards are too high, don’t we have a right to our choices? it’s losers and people filled with anger, jealousy and supreme inferiority complex that tend to think that way, throwing away the efforts of genuine hardworking women. So because there are indeed some women that have given others a bad name, every woman is suddenly looking for material things, or if she’s not married by 30 she has a bad character? There are women that DON’T need men for material reasons, get that into your skull. They work hard and can afford for themselves the luxuries of life and don’t necessarily want to settle with a man that has your so called mansion. We need to evolve beyond these lines of thought, sheesh! Ladies,getting married early is an advantage to your body and children (should you choose to have any) because you grow with them. Other than that, getting married before 30 will never get you to heaven. Focus on your life, become a happy woman please, there is A LOT of work that needs to get done on this earth that we can impact and the world would remember us till its end. Society will forever want to dictate how you should live your life. Some people get married early in life and it works for them, others don’t -and it works for them! No woman should be demonized because she’s above 30 and not married, so many things happen and people don’t know the genuine struggles of many young women, they just judge. why must it always be related to material things or a bad attitude? besides its 30we’re talking about here not 50 o, wow! It’s better to get married in your thirties and be happy for the rest of your life than to settle quickly with just about anybody and be miserable for the rest of your married life. There is no age restriction for marriage even though earlier is better, but in the event where you don’t find that person should you just go ahead and settle? When we realize how much a BIG deal marriage is there will be less pressure on young people to just get married anyhow. Marriage IS a big deal and a lot of people have no business being married now.

  56. Lacey

    August 17, 2015 at 1:39 am

    I think 40 is the new 30,so ladies work out your career and stay off bad relationships because if you ladies rush in before 30 because you do not want to be single at 30 and develop hypertension and jump and commit suicide because you discovered that your husband is sleeping with your mother or end up with a cultist,a drug baron or a 419 because you do not want to be single at 30.
    My dear sisters learn to love yourself and stay healthy physically and spiritually and the right man will find you!

  57. Noella

    August 17, 2015 at 2:22 am

    The hustle is real…I don’t seize to be amazed by the responses on issues close to the heart such as this…the truth of the matter is that even if no one tells you to get married the body and mind are wired to start feeling the urgency once you start approaching 30 and beyond…every parent wants to see their child settled procreating and continuing the lineage …after all the bible says be fruitful and multiply and marriage is near and dear to God’s heart that is really what he is all about. That being said young women don’t have to torture themselves as Uru suggested once in their thirties, and ladies i beg you do not appear needy and desperate it never pays off even if you eventually get married to a guy coming in from a position of weakness and desperation ys ..he will take you for granted albeit subconsciously..always operate from a position of confidence..just be your kind wholesome selves and God fearing

    women you must realize that the men are desperate if not more so..men start to feel like they don’t have respect from society if they are not married, some also feel like semi losers or wayfarers who can’t get it together when in their 30s and beyond..i have heard a man desperate to get married here in the US saying he was ready to marry, kanuri, calabar, yoruba, edo, ijaw, f whatever but he just wanted to get married period….and men also when they get older start losing their virility and sperm viability,,,issues of prostate and high blood pressure ensue in some cases as early as 39..so both parties have a vested interest in getting it together and settling down and being the best they can be in a marriage….it’s true you can have kids into your 40’s but you also don’t want to look like your kids’ grandparent…..men are not doing women any favors really…so young ladies hold your heads up and be confident..confidence is very attractive even if you think you are not that good looking..pray for God to give you a good husband ladies…marriage can be terrifying and torturous when married to the wrong person..i have heard of women wishing their husbands were dead in a bad marriage..it can make you ill and miserable so please don’t marry just for the sake of it, be prudent and reasonable..

  58. Felinda

    August 17, 2015 at 6:04 am

    My question is can Tontoh Dikeh, Chika Ike or Ini Edo write so eloquently.
    🙂 🙂 🙂
    sometimes you need laughter in ya life ni?

  59. Ulo

    August 17, 2015 at 7:46 am

    I turn 30 in January and i am so scared. I am beautiful, i walk with a limp, i am intelligent, i work hard, i cook mean and i don’t have a man! But when i want to start feeling sorry for myself, i remember more beautiful and hotter women who are much older and are (un)fortunately?) in the same situation and i stiffen that upper lip. Why does it have to be this way? With people reminding you, not with words, but with their looks? And because of the pressure, standards starts dropping gradually; i remove one or two items from the mental list of what i’d like in my ideal man. I have a good man who wants to date and (probably) marry me but he’s not what i pictured as a husband. He’s an artiste and i want stability. He is not too taller than i am and i am short. 5.5. Lol. I have a fuller figure and he is lean. So, i ask, should i forsake all these differences and give him a chance because i am desperate (sadly) and want to be in a healthy relationship before i’m 30? What if i don’t and still don’t meet my Mr. Right? What if i do and meet my Mr. Right tomorrow? Sigh!

  60. Chi!

    August 17, 2015 at 9:19 am

    Hi Uru! I didn’t know u were dis intelligent judging from ur roles. its good u’re sharing urself to us n I pray d good men c how intelligent n reasonable u r n come for u. Nigeria responsible men pls go for our good actresses, pls. Don’t let dem fall into d wrong hands n pls stop getting intimidated by their jobs n movie roles. I just love ur write up Uru,well written n true.I am 30 n I totally get u.

  61. Polygamist

    August 17, 2015 at 9:52 am

    Can we return to a polygamous type of marriage?
    Can we just be like our fathers and fore-fathers that had 5, 10, 15, 24 wives?

    If you girls will agree, share a good/responsible man na
    Atleast 7ladies to 1 man as bible talk.

    Now looking for my own 7……

    Uru eke, Isio Wanagho, Busola Adedire, Nimi, Berry Dakara, Atoke and Socially awkward can you people report at my mansion please?

    You are all welcome
    (Na yoke i dey yoke o)

    • AMER

      August 17, 2015 at 11:04 am

      You do realise that Berry is married, right? Mind yaself oh! LOL

    • Polygamist

      August 17, 2015 at 1:57 pm

      Amer, i know very well but e no mean na
      i still fit share with her hubby
      Berry, if you see this, 2weeks my mansion, 2 weeks your hubby house
      wink

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      August 17, 2015 at 11:12 am

      Oh, na yoke? Okay.. because I been wan carry my wooden pestle, come visit that ya mansion 🙂

    • Polygamist

      August 17, 2015 at 1:56 pm

      Socially awkward

      Ya know ya is my long time crush na
      wooden pestle ke? just pack your load come jare
      monday hugs and kisses to you

  62. Ify

    August 17, 2015 at 10:28 am

    Nice write up, & also inspirering.

  63. Hafi's Blacksoap, Oils and Butter

    August 17, 2015 at 11:13 am

    BellaNaijerians Kwenu!!!!

    You all make life fun and help reduce the mental stress one has to deal with. I need to watch more Nigerian movies cos this chick has blown the myth to smithereens that Nigerian actresses are air heads. .
    The most important thing is to add value to yourself not for le boo but yourself and your kids.
    Take life serious and not too serious at the same time.
    First to marry is a childish game!!! Rather play first to be happy and accomplished .
    Travel if you can, look good is a must.
    Have multiple income streams going on please.
    Draw close to God too. Be prayerful too.
    And to the lady who will make me use scarce data to search for Maky, stop being such a mean girl!!! Shading, all kinds is a sin…..?
    God bless my fellow BellaNaijarians!!!!!!!

  64. dee

    August 17, 2015 at 11:36 am

    funny enough on my way to work this morning, that Bible passage came to my head….. 7 women to 1 man. and i said a short prayer in my head. No hurries please, ladies. It can actually be difficult waiting. I am not 30 yet. I’d be 30 in a few years and to be honest. I am seriously panicking. What if he doesn’t come before then, what if i don’t know him well enough cos of desperation( God forbid). Coupled with pressure from the society. there is a wedding EVERY weekend. Dammit. Then you wonder where all these decent men are.
    those of us below 30 too have our fears. Presently I’m in a relationship that i do not even know where its heading. life and its ups and downs. I just pray for patience cos I will not kidnap somebody’s son na

  65. Rukayat

    August 17, 2015 at 11:50 am

    Well done Uru! This article is timely, I enjoyed every bit of it; particularly your mother’s comment, lol! I clocked 30 last month, and I have decided to write an article to that effect. Your article has convinced me to do mine as fast as possible, I look forward to reading more articles from you, ciao!

  66. Adewale

    August 17, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    I’ve always admired Dr’s. Hoping I would marry one. I’m few weeks above 30 with a very comfortable career in an oil company. Can anybody refer me to a 5’8 slim lady, Dr, ( I’m 6’2),…….someone help a brother out here?

    • Californiabawlar

      August 17, 2015 at 2:24 pm

      Adewalw Ayuba, how about a 5’5 nurse?
      You can’t be picky now brah! You’re not getting any younger o!??

    • Koffie

      August 18, 2015 at 10:27 am

      CB, you’re crazy funny. Hahahahaha, and who is this nurse thou speaketh of? Yourself? I never imagined you as a nurse. Anyways, the nurse would reach 5’8 after wearing heels so brother Ayuba, there you go.

    • summer

      August 17, 2015 at 6:45 pm

      Ehmmm…. when you say doctor, does it have to be a medical doctor or will a PhD in Medical Sciences do?…….. I am 5’7 but we never know, i could grow taller at 27! *coughs*

  67. COCOYIE

    August 17, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    BRILLIANT!!!!!

  68. Angiee

    August 17, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    What an inspiring topic! I also will be turning 30 soon and I just can’t begin to explain the pressure coming from all sides (family, friends, workplace e t c). Imagine, my boss even had to give 3 weeks leave just for me to go ‘find a man’. His reasons being that am such a nice girl not to be hooked up by now, he wants to wear my ashebi, he wants to meet the man to know if he is good enough for me blah blah blah.

    I can’t even start with my family members not to even talk of family friends. In fact, as it is now, I dread going home cos the ‘when are you bringing him’ is becoming unbecoming. My worry now is no longer about the biological clock that is fast ticking but it’s now about my worried parents, friends & classmates that are already married, the society as a whole.

    Just like Uru rightly said, I have decided to remain positive about it, hope in God, start going out to interesting places (am an indoor person) and engaging myself in activities that will build me up and make me a better person. So God help me, Amen!

  69. Angiee

    August 17, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    So help me God, Amen!

  70. babybaby

    August 17, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    You guys shouldn’t shred me oh but i think a lot of the time this matter is “what i have feared the most has come upon me” i.e. i find that it is ladies that worry the most about being married before 30 that almost always DO NOT get married before 30. What they fear always happens.
    Case in point- I always knew that i knew that i knew that i was going to marry early. Infact i believed i would be spoiled for choice and that was exactly what happened; I married the man of my dreams at 24. However due to some of my not so pure undergrad ways when i was younger, i was always scared i might not get pregnant easily and yup you guessed it- it took 3 years+ for God to deliver me from that stronghold. I was TTC that whole time and was terrified. Thank God it’s behind me now.
    Ladies, i strongly believe that what u believe or fear will work for you: Start to believe you are fabulous and any guy would be lucky to have you and it will be so for you! xx

  71. Psychic

    August 17, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    im 30 next year,yes i have my fears but i know i love LOVE,have been in love before and it was just beautiful,not only in mills n booms that magic happen so on waiting on Love *I shall not be compromising* no matter how long it takes.

    i work extremely hard,like 4 businesses,a 9 to 5,plus any orisirisii,the only thing i don’t sell is human being and illegal stuff,so its a bit hard,sorry extremely hard for me to like a lackadaisical man. Somehow have always dated guys who are extremely comfortable,live in their own houses,work hard,don’t drink too much,take care of their health,encourage me,make me a better person etc. i don’t go looking for them,I’m an indoor person,somehow they find me.

    As we nearing 30 o,na in i say make we drop d pedestal small,last one just move from boys house to his 2 bedroom,nice place,i start with the brother,Kope! ,smallie,smallie girls,smellos stuffs,funny phone-calls. Unfortunately,i didn’t have energy for quarrel,i ask u,u giving me sexy lies,I’m out.I can’t be fighting u with unilag girls,Wen i graduated they didn’t know what courses they want to do for waec na.

    I am who i am,I’m not gone drop no standards. You date some people,you can’t wear your designer stuffs cos he or his friends gone think u done did Aristo before,no i didn’t do aristo,i been working hard since uni,its not my fault u were sagging your jeans n didn’t define your life.

    My boo is gone be a lucky man,God help me,so whether b4 30 or after 30,its gone be that man ordained for me,who i would have chosen at 25,who i could still choose @ 40 and still be crazy about @ 70 but God help me,i will wait for that man,he will be hardworking,he will have a dick that works,he will not like beer more than his life(hence big belle),he will have a fantastic sense of humour,we will be naughty together,he will be Godfearing,he will complement me,we might not be bill gates wealthy,but we will have loads of money because aint none gone be lazy in what he has found his hand to do.SO HELP ME GOD because as at today i cannot come n go and kill myself and die away because of something that is not even that serious.

    BTW @californiabawlar we should be friends,i like your meanness and meannity(tongue out) to rabbish.

    • adeanon

      August 17, 2015 at 7:55 pm

      love that can’t be dragging you with unilag girls. Girl you cant be dragging with anyone period- You are the prize!

  72. Las

    August 17, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    This is issue is a never ending story. But people, have you noticed to the age of ‘spinsterhood’ keeps creeping up? 100 years ago, it was probably 16, not it’s the big 30 and beyond. Women, we have made progress!! Just kidding…

    On a more serious note, no one talks about this, but men over 30 are also under a lot of pressure to get married, so let us also spare a thought for our single and searching bachelors (yes, they do exist!)

    Speaking from experience (married at 23, divorced at 26, kinda single at 32 🙂 ), please do not let anyone deceive you. A bad marriage is worse than being single, so, do not rush into anything. I got married because I had finished university, had a good job and had absolutely no idea what else to do with myself. I got married to one of those ‘established 30-something year old guys’ and was probably a bloody nuisance. I say that now in all honesty because I was not ready to get married at all.

    I have been engaged once since then, but got out of it because I had a premonition the dude was in it for gains. i was proven right a few months after the engagement ended. In my own case, I have to admit that I may be in the once bitten twice shy category. Been there, done that, got 2,000 tshirts. I have been in it and to be honest, it is not for everyone.

    I have almost no opinion on when a person should get married because we are all different, but what I do know is that marriage is for life and if it took me a year to stake out all designer stores in my area to make sure I got my perfect handbag, abeg, why should I rush into marriage? Plus if I am happily single (happy meaning I really like spending time alone, I take myself out to dinner, buy me whatever I want, go anywhere I want, spend my money how I want), why should I become miserable just because I want to answer Mrs somebody? A marriage partner should add value, both male and female, so ladies please do not compromise and to my brothers, neither should you. You will only have yourself to blame if you do.

    Apologies for the epistle.

  73. 30 & Fabulous

    August 17, 2015 at 7:27 pm

    This article is just spot on! I have been 30 for only about 48 hours and I am already sick of the marriage questions. All the wishes and prayers on my big day were about marriage n how I would have a baby this time next year! Amen to the prayers but not one person asked me about my goals or personal ambitions as I made this significant transistion. Only one person asked me if I had a list of things that i wanted to do in my 30s and told me to make one as soon as possible. I am in a serious relationship and for reasons beyond our control we have to wait a little to get married and I am fine with that! I just wish people would stop looking at the one thing i dont have at thirty ( a husband) and celebrate the many things i do have like an amazing boyfriend, a great job, good health, great friends, family, a great figure…the list is endless! Abeg all those in my shoes…welcome to the dirty thirties! Make the best of it cos ure not just 30, ure 30 and fabulous!

  74. Ingrid

    August 17, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    Hi D Main Main, do your friends do long distance/int’l travel……I’m in Alexandria, VA……:)

    • D Main Man

      August 18, 2015 at 4:23 pm

      they do but distance..distance. well how do i get in contact.

    • duchess_ibkgeorge

      August 19, 2015 at 4:00 am

      @D Main Man biko drop your email so we can contact you directly.Thank [email protected] i just laughed at your judgemental stupid conclusion..No words for you oh you leftbrained

  75. Jojononz

    August 18, 2015 at 8:44 am

    You all give life with your comments………truly truly Flesh and Blood hath not revealed these things to most of you all, A sister has just been FIRED up for life and living.

  76. 40andsmiling

    August 18, 2015 at 10:02 am

    Interesting comments to an article that many of us can clearly relate to on so many different levels. Having seen 38 Christmas seasons. I am closer to 40 than 30. I can relate very well to some of the issues raised.

    I am single and have never been married. I have no kids. I have never even had sex. I always thought I would date only that one guy and marry him but it did not happen like that. I had a number of relationships but they never went where I wanted them to go (marriage). Sometimes it was me who took the decision to bail out. Other times the decision was taken for me.

    In recent years, I have had a number of “hard talks” with myself during which I have concluded that single or married – life is for the living.

    I can choose to make my being unexpectedly single at 39 work for me or I can choose to let it work against me. The choice is mine. Well, I have chosen to let it work for me.

    I have chosen to look positively at my situation and to see the blessings and benefits that lie in being unmarried. Yes, there are blessings embedded therein. I have learnt contentment and have found peace in realizing that while my married friends would probably not trade places with me, I am not willing to trade places with any of them either.

    Both the married and the unmarried have their blessings and challenges. I have learnt to appreciate the side that God has “blessed” me with. I have learnt to enjoy and make the most of my situation. It can be done. I am living proof,

    • adeanon

      August 18, 2015 at 5:00 pm

      Absolutely. I love your honesty. Life is a gift…enjoy it x

    • Noms

      August 21, 2015 at 1:43 pm

      I was 30 in January,single and living life.
      I have a job that gets me the basic things of life and no luxury but being alive and healthy is the greatest luxury married or single.
      I’m in a 2 months old relationship and this introduction thing works. We are not married ooo but we are flowing. He is in his mid thirties and guess what…when we were chatting he asked my age and I told him,then he said thank God cos he doesn’t have time for twenty something years olds. Heehehehehhe, hope for thirty somethings. so actually want them mature( Yes, maturity has nothing to do with age, right but there is some sense of want and self knowledge that comes with being 30 and above.The introduction was made by someone who normally I never thought watching,we aren’t even close but we have been in the same space the about a weekend. She is Le boo’s aunt.
      Like you, I haven’t had sex.
      I know of someone who got married @ 42 to a “frosh” single man….I know you have hope so keep keeping on.
      xoxo

  77. Angiee

    August 18, 2015 at 3:01 pm

    Pls, in the area of having a multiple stream of income. Can someone suggest to me a profitable line of business to embark on.

  78. duchess_ibkgeorge

    August 19, 2015 at 4:03 am

    @Angie you can never go wrong with consumables.May God lead you aright.

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