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Sonia Ogbonna Shares Her Thoughts on What Makes People Change after Marriage

Adesola Ade-Unuigbe

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Sonia & Ik Ogbonna

Sonia & Ik Ogbonna

Nollywood actor Ik Ogbonna and his Colombian heartthrob, Sonia, got married a couple of months ago after which Sonia started a blog for motivation, relationship tips and more.

In her latest blog post titled “What makes people ‘change’ after they get married?” she talks about the changes that can occur in a marriage and how to keep things fresh.

Read her post below

Did you hear people complaining how “things always change after you get married “? Like, all enjoyment and fun vanish and get replaced with nagging, drama, tension, complains even regrets. How one or another partner “changed”, became “cold”, and things are simply not the same anymore.

As I told you guys (million times), everything that is happening in our lives comes out of our state of mind. The moment we change attitude towards certain things in life, it automatically changes these things in our perspective and the way we see them. The truth is and a reason I disliked institution of Marriage for so long, was because of annoying and unnecessary pressure and expectations people (society) put and attach to marriage. And ,in my opinion (still, even though I am married now) I feel like it’s so silly to let one piece of paper affect, shake and influence the whole nature of relationship you used to have with your partner. People be acting like “now you are mine, I have right to….” ,”we are married now, you are forbidden to…”, “not anymore, we are married now…”, “you can’t dress like that anymore you are a married woman/man” etc..

It’s like gradually switching from democracy to dictatorship. We are humans, who normal likes feeling caged?

I mean, there must be a compromise from both sides in every healthy relationship, during the time, step by step, you learn how to function with person you love, and out of that love you simply won’t do certain things that your partner dislike, and on the other hand, your partner supposed to love you for who you are and because of that, he won’t ask from you to abound your own nature and become somebody you are not.

That is why I am always saying that you should always give more importance to the quality of your relationship, learn how to put yourself in shoes your loved one is wearing and understand that peace, joy, support, loyalty, honesty and understanding are the most important features and try to keep them healthy instead of worrying about “what will people say” and giving so much attention to a piece of paper that says that you are somebody’s wife/husband ,because, In reality, it doesn’t really change much. In fact, If you wasn’t happy with your partner’s behavior before marriage, you will definitely be even less happy with it now that you are married and you will end up turning into a very frustrated and bitter person (very unpleasant to be around) holding on to a piece of paper so desperately while demanding your partner to change because “you are married now!”. You simply don’t build these things in marriage; you do it way before you decide to spend a life with someone.

My advice is – don’t take formalities too serious. It won’t stop someone from misbehaving it will only add to drama, frustration and depression. Think well- If you are not satisfied with a quality of a relationship with your partner, don’t expect that something magical will happen and change his/hers behavior once you two get married.

If you are happy with your partner, then just continue doing you (two) without letting formality district your behavior, perception and points of view.

Stay playful, have fun, laugh, go out, tease each other. There must be a space for adventure, bit of wildness and excitement, and most importantly-don’t forget to be each other’s best friends.

It’s supposed to be a foundation of everything else that comes on top of it.

You can check out her blog here.

Adesola is the BellaNaija Head of Content and Digital Ventures. She is a BN stan.. Yes, things are that serious for her when it comes to BellaNaija.com. She's a lover of gist, novels, music, and food. She's constantly trying not to take life for granted. She spends most of her time either keeping up with the world on the Internet or sharing some acquired knowledge about digital media. She is passionate about using her voice to speak against injustice, especially towards women. To communicate with her directly, you can hit her up on: Instagram - @adesola.au Twitter - @Adesola_AU

36 Comments

  1. aikay

    October 28, 2015 at 12:32 am

    Sonia pls ur hubby or boyfriend sef cos we no see any real wedding pics, is still trying to break through in nollywood, I know you married him thinking he was the denzel washington of Nigeria so dt you can gain popularity too and be one of the famous toke makinwas but sorry dear, Ik ain’t all that. So do us all a favour and crawl back into your niche. Check BN weddings and see how we get married properly here from introduction to trad wedding to court wedding to bridal shower and then the real white wedding. And I av checked all d blogs but none have your name in any of these events so you really are not the right person to be talking about marriage cos you don’t have the right credentials for it. You are a very pretty lady so stick to ur boyfriend make we hear word. Everybody wan turn motivational speaker. MTCHEWWWWWW….

    • MO

      October 28, 2015 at 9:48 am

      So because she didn’t have a loud, elaborate. “Bellanaija style” wedding, she’s not qualified to give marital advice????wowww

    • Ada Nnewi

      October 28, 2015 at 9:54 am

      You are really one kind oh… she’s not Nigerian so she must not get married like a Nigerian, she got married in court in her home country..by the way, try and get past your “beef” at how lovely she is and read what she wrote, you might learn a thing or two

    • Zee

      October 28, 2015 at 10:03 am

      This is just crazy!
      So all she said is nonsense because you are displeased at her decision not to have a Bella naija wedding ?
      How do you comfortably deviate from the point and attack her person. It’s you who have a problem,not her.

    • MC

      October 28, 2015 at 10:07 am

      She can’t talk about marriage because she didn’t have a big wedding?
      You really searched all the blogs!?

    • Oyindee

      October 28, 2015 at 10:30 am

      Here’s to hoping you don’t choke on hate,Cheers!

    • Owl

      October 28, 2015 at 12:24 pm

      why are you so bitter?? Get over yourself, some of us Nigerian dont like or want a circus wedding – get your facts right?? Having been happily married for 11 years year after a court wedding and small modest reception i can clearly confirm she is writing sense..
      What she said is wise – All these unrealistic expectations from people/couples when they get married – We all know how hard it is to change our own selves, talk less of changing someone else. Please people before you get married, you must accept your partner completely, both their best and worst habits and be prepared to live with it (Only God can change people -He created created them), Don’t get married thinking they will change or you can/will change them! High blood pressure and heart disease is real!! biggest killer in the western world.. Nobody is perfect, we all have flaws, just make sure you are being realistic about what you want and can live with..

    • Wow

      October 28, 2015 at 12:27 pm

      LMAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I’M SO DEAD!!!!!
      The procedures for getting married in Nigeria. I really enjoyed the sarcasm

    • FasholasLover

      October 28, 2015 at 7:08 pm

      Balderdash @aikay. Una see how world peeps dey confuse persin wey no get im own mind? So, Becos she no borrow, beg money to feed the nation plus people wey she no sabi, wetin dem do no be wedding? I sorry for you much and all those who agreed with your childish comment!!!

    • Pretty_O

      October 29, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      LMAO at Motivational Speaker, abi oooo, biko when i get engaged, i’ll start my own blog too, abi, that’s the trend now LMAO… u r too funny

  2. emma

    October 28, 2015 at 12:58 am

    Everyone has suddenly turned into a relationship guru and blablabla all because of social media. Her writing is not bad tho, I can give her that.

    • Sonia

      October 28, 2015 at 7:24 am

      Help me and talk jare.
      Her marriage never reach 6months, she is already giving rshp advice. Her words are true and right sha but people need her to show example.

      She is even my namesake sef. Lol 😀

  3. cindy

    October 28, 2015 at 4:18 am

    okay, we have heard it before

  4. ANGELA

    October 28, 2015 at 7:13 am

    BN, She is from Serbia not Colombia biko.

    Aunty Sonia, you are right but show us example just like Uncle Olu Jacobs and Aunty Joke Silva(you know wara I mean)

    • Annie

      May 23, 2016 at 12:23 am

      Oh yes, but it is fancier to claim that you are hispanic. She must be ashamed of her serbian mum.

  5. fabulicious

    October 28, 2015 at 7:19 am

    Oya smallie,stay quiet. Its not even up to a year. You are saying all these now because he put a ring on it. I am just wondering what her thought process would have been if she was just his baby mama.

  6. Nahum

    October 28, 2015 at 7:19 am

    The nerve of this girl!!! You have only been married for 2 months, what the hell do you know about changes in marriage?? Girl…..don’t make me come for you. Sit your big butt down, nurse your baby, take care of your family and keep shut!! After 10 years of no change in your marriage, come back and talk to us. Right now, you are disqualified!!!

    • NoCursing

      October 28, 2015 at 1:04 pm

      Please stop cursing and swearing!!!

    • Fashionista

      October 30, 2015 at 12:36 pm

      LOL! I like you Nahum. From your comments, I just know we will get along.

  7. Beckie

    October 28, 2015 at 7:29 am

    Since Linda Ikeji’s blog business started blooming, everybody thinks it’s now their calling 2 start a blog! Lord have mercy!

    • tolu

      October 28, 2015 at 8:14 am

      Lmao…. my thought exactly.

  8. Edogirl

    October 28, 2015 at 7:32 am

    Change is good for your soul.

  9. tolu

    October 28, 2015 at 8:16 am

    Come after a decade and tell me this same story maybe then i will believe you.

  10. Blondie

    October 28, 2015 at 8:44 am

    Y”al should take it easy with the harsh words.. Forget the messenger & focus on the message.. There were pics on Linda’s blog with their small simple wedding, They did it with the most important things (a priest, her parents, legal documents). Everyone musn’t have a big ceremony. These days people are too focused on having a wedding than a “marriage”. Everyone has equal opportunities on social media to express themselves, let her!

  11. M&

    October 28, 2015 at 9:12 am

    Chick forget long story….Why people change after marriage is simple, its because things change…change is a normal part of life, whether married or not…..every year you get older, different experiences come your way, you have kids, they add to your responsibilities…then they start growing and the responsibilities increase, you get new family i.e. extended family…new inlaws from your side/ur husband’s side, you change jobs/careers and meet different people along the way, your parents get older and need care, etc…just the normal course of LIFE! The change in people is just a response to the changes in LIFE, which can be overwhelming! However a person’s response may be positive or negative. The key is to always be positive despite ‘whatever happens’, always keep ur head up, and do not lose the CORE of your being!

  12. BlueEyed

    October 28, 2015 at 9:28 am

    Gurrrrlll who is you?

  13. naana

    October 28, 2015 at 9:42 am

    kindly share your thought after 10 years. would love to read them sonia

  14. Ada Nnewi

    October 28, 2015 at 9:55 am

    You are really one kind oh… she’s not Nigerian so she must not get married like a Nigerian, she got married in court in her home country..by the way, try and get past your “beef” at how lovely she is and read what she wrote, you might learn a thing or two

    • Ada Nnewi

      October 28, 2015 at 9:55 am

      My comment is for aikay

  15. Bad belle naija girls

    October 28, 2015 at 9:59 am

    Bad belle naija girls hating since 1900
    Ever feeling insecured.

    She wrote on her blog and BN got it from there

    Instead of wasting away, using your time to read other people’s article…someone will use her own time well and you will be hating.

    She doesn’t even know you haters exist. Know the funniest thing, she will keep soaring high and making a name as you have now read about her and known she has a blog, while you will keep hating all the way to the grave

    bitter truth

    • juanita

      October 28, 2015 at 7:54 pm

      No one is hating or should I say no one is kissing arse like you. Beautiful weddings, traditional wedding whether lavish or not is our culture. When a naija man abandons his pride especially ibo man he sees you as a temporary commodity. Marriage takes a lifetime, and to give marital advises after few months of court wedding, where neither of their parents or siblings were present is just juvenile. Again no one is hating. Of course people are responding after analyzing the public life of Sonia attempting to give a brief summary of what makes a marriage work when she has not been married but few months. Let her take her time. Enjoy her honeymoon, get to know the real ikay then years down the road when celebrating her 10 years aanniversary share how her marriage works .

  16. Wow

    October 28, 2015 at 12:29 pm

    LMAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I’M SO DEAD!!!!!
    The procedures for getting married in Nigeria. I really enjoyed the sarcasm

  17. Annienonymous

    October 28, 2015 at 2:05 pm

    I don’t get. why girls that have been married for 2 minutes feel the need to give relationship/marriage advice!

  18. Hajia

    October 28, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    ”I want a big traditional wedding, an exclusive pre-wedding shoot, a posh bridal shower, an elaborate white wedding…That’s how aunt Biola turned 58.” The last time i checked, the most quite and private marriages last the longest. i got married in a church in front of 500 people. but if i”ll hv to do it again, ( of cos with the same man) it will be very private. Read the message and stop attacking the messenger.

  19. I'm just wondering

    October 29, 2015 at 1:14 am

    What else is left for her in nigeria, because it doesn’t seem like she has anything else do with her life. No job, hey why don’t we start a blog? Looks can’t guarantee a happy relationship. Halle Berry has divorced 3X and still gorgeous! Here Sonia is in Nigeria with her baby under the pretense of a fake marriage in Serbia, surrounded by her parents, married off like a cheap commodity to a hungry Nigerian actor! What kind of family would do that to their baby daughter? The same person that has turned a relationship expert was the person who fell in love with a picture on Instagram, packed her bags, took the next flight down to Lagos to occupy IK’s apartment he shared with Alex! She’s still a small girl with fantasies. She’s 24 yrs old and have not traveled life’s lane yet. Bella is making her popular. All I know is that there’s something suspicious about her marriage to IK! We will find out in no time. It seems Like they don’t have a private life aside sharing every minute detail about their life on Instagram. Like I’ve already told her, until you’ve celebrated at least 5 solid yrs in marriage, you have no right to put together reasons why couples stay together. Right now they’re in the honeymoon photo and media season. When honeymoon is over, IK will get comfortable and that’s where the real change will happen. PS I don’t think she lost weight, I think she simply doesn’t have much to eat. Ik has no penny. Na hunger go pursue her run commot Nigeria.

  20. jaybird

    October 29, 2015 at 4:28 am

    I am v v afraid of some people. Lord help me to train my children properly. May they always be happy, and loved

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