Nollywood actor Ik Ogbonna and his Colombian heartthrob, Sonia, got married a couple of months ago after which Sonia started a blog for motivation, relationship tips and more.
In her latest blog post titled “What makes people ‘change’ after they get married?” she talks about the changes that can occur in a marriage and how to keep things fresh.
Read her post below
Did you hear people complaining how “things always change after you get married “? Like, all enjoyment and fun vanish and get replaced with nagging, drama, tension, complains even regrets. How one or another partner “changed”, became “cold”, and things are simply not the same anymore.
As I told you guys (million times), everything that is happening in our lives comes out of our state of mind. The moment we change attitude towards certain things in life, it automatically changes these things in our perspective and the way we see them. The truth is and a reason I disliked institution of Marriage for so long, was because of annoying and unnecessary pressure and expectations people (society) put and attach to marriage. And ,in my opinion (still, even though I am married now) I feel like it’s so silly to let one piece of paper affect, shake and influence the whole nature of relationship you used to have with your partner. People be acting like “now you are mine, I have right to….” ,”we are married now, you are forbidden to…”, “not anymore, we are married now…”, “you can’t dress like that anymore you are a married woman/man” etc..
It’s like gradually switching from democracy to dictatorship. We are humans, who normal likes feeling caged?
I mean, there must be a compromise from both sides in every healthy relationship, during the time, step by step, you learn how to function with person you love, and out of that love you simply won’t do certain things that your partner dislike, and on the other hand, your partner supposed to love you for who you are and because of that, he won’t ask from you to abound your own nature and become somebody you are not.
That is why I am always saying that you should always give more importance to the quality of your relationship, learn how to put yourself in shoes your loved one is wearing and understand that peace, joy, support, loyalty, honesty and understanding are the most important features and try to keep them healthy instead of worrying about “what will people say” and giving so much attention to a piece of paper that says that you are somebody’s wife/husband ,because, In reality, it doesn’t really change much. In fact, If you wasn’t happy with your partner’s behavior before marriage, you will definitely be even less happy with it now that you are married and you will end up turning into a very frustrated and bitter person (very unpleasant to be around) holding on to a piece of paper so desperately while demanding your partner to change because “you are married now!”. You simply don’t build these things in marriage; you do it way before you decide to spend a life with someone.
My advice is – don’t take formalities too serious. It won’t stop someone from misbehaving it will only add to drama, frustration and depression. Think well- If you are not satisfied with a quality of a relationship with your partner, don’t expect that something magical will happen and change his/hers behavior once you two get married.
If you are happy with your partner, then just continue doing you (two) without letting formality district your behavior, perception and points of view.
Stay playful, have fun, laugh, go out, tease each other. There must be a space for adventure, bit of wildness and excitement, and most importantly-don’t forget to be each other’s best friends.
It’s supposed to be a foundation of everything else that comes on top of it.