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Shonda Rhimes & Oprah Winfrey say they both never want to be Married – Find out Why!

Adesola Ade-Unuigbe

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Shonda Rhimes & Oprah Winfrey

Mastermind of hit series “Scandal”, “Grey’s Anatomy” and “How to Get Away with Murder”, Shonda Rhimes was recently on The Oprah Winfrey Network for the “SuperSoul Sunday” show.

She had a chat with the Oprah and during their chat 45-year-old Shonda Rhimes, who is a mother of three, reveals that she has never wanted to get married.

Here are excerpts from their chat:

On the pressure to get married: “[It] feels obvious and maybe silly or something to people who are married or people who are older, people who have been through it. But if you’re a woman in your thirties or forties, that’s a big deal. Everybody’s asking you all the time if it’s going to happen … There’s a huge amount of pressure. It’s a lot like the desire to want to have children in our society. You’re supposed to want it, and if you don’t want it, what’s wrong with you?”

On always wanting to be a mother: “I’m one of those people, since I was 5, I could tell you I was going to have kids. I could tell you I was going to have three. I could tell you they were going to be girls,” she says. But I have never wanted to get married. I never played bride. I was never interested. I don’t know what it is; I never wanted to get married.”

On dating: “I love having boyfriends. I love dating. I do not want a husband in my house.”

On giving up writing to have a husband: “I have so much going on inside my head in terms of writing, there’s such a large space in my life taken up by that. I can’t imagine it being taken up by a husband and children and writing, and everything getting its due. I don’t believe there is room for all of it.  I really don’t. There may be some people who are doing it and who are very happy and who love it. And I am not knocking any of you. It’s never been a dream of mine [to be married].”

On finally admitting: “It was really freeing to say it out loud. I always felt like it was a dirty little secret.”

Oprah Winfrey also shared her thoughts on marriage saying “I don’t know if I’ve ever said this publicly, but I really wanted to be wanted to be married. I wanted Stedman to want to marry me. The moment he asked me to marry him I was, like… ‘Now I actually have to get married?’ I was supposed to do a book at the same time and the wedding and the book were happening around the same time. We were on our way from the book party and Stedman said he did not want to have his wedding disturbed by all these people asking me about the book (which I ended up not doing). I said, ‘OK. All right. So he said, ‘We should just postpone this wedding. I said, ‘OK.’ And that was it. We have never discussed it again.What I realized is, I don’t want to be married. Because I could not have the life that I created for myself … I knew that I couldn’t do it.”

Watch the interview below.

Adesola is a BellaNaija editor and Voltron. Yes, things are that serious for her when it comes to BellaNaija.com.She's a lover of gist, novels, music and food. She's constantly trying not to take life for granted. She spends most of her time either keeping up with the world on the Internet or sharing some acquired knowledge about digital media.To communicate with her directly, you can hit her up on: Instagram - @adesola.au Twitter - @ThisConnectd

63 Comments

  1. Chinco

    November 18, 2015 at 11:42 am

    Cant say I blame them. Iv felt the same most of my life

    • Babe

      November 18, 2015 at 4:25 pm

      To be sincere, as a Christian lady sometimes I feel the only reason I want to get married is to have the license to bang. Also, I love kids. With all the whiny guys out there who habitually find an excuse not to take care of their responsibilities, I thank God that I’m an independent woman, I pay my own bills ….and some. So WHAT ELSE DO I NEED A MAN FOR?

  2. Uche

    November 18, 2015 at 11:44 am

    I’m here for the comments

    • Chi

      November 18, 2015 at 12:46 pm

      Me too

  3. The girl who flies planes

    November 18, 2015 at 11:58 am

    Wait for some Nigerian girls who think only about marriage to come & state their piece.
    bla bla bla bla bla …..

    • Olofofo

      November 18, 2015 at 2:27 pm

      Nope! I’m waiting for those that agree with this piece and see no need to get married, but deep down when they are alone at night, they cry about not having a man or not being married yet on their pillows. By the way! I love marriage and its something that i will eventually do when i’m ready not because i need a man to complete me but because its just something i have always loved just like these woman love being single. #MyOpinion

    • Africhic

      November 18, 2015 at 3:29 pm

      You are in their minds at night to know how they feel? Why do people feel that if others don’t conform they have to have an opinion?

    • Uju

      November 18, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      This article isn’t about not having a man. They talk about not wanting to get married. Very different.

      To be honest some women only desire marriage for children because in our society it’s frowned upon to have kids out of wedlock. Others desire marriage for the ring and all the pomp.

      Oh let’s not forget those who desire marriage to simply get out of their parents home/control since it’s also frowned upon to live alone as a single girl in Nigeria. I know lots of girls who simply married the next guy just for this reason.

    • Yup

      November 18, 2015 at 6:03 pm

      Companionship sister as we all need each other. Its best to think deep about marriage.
      Olofofo one bottle of fanta for you. :).

    • Idomagirl

      November 18, 2015 at 7:54 pm

      Not being married doesn’t mean one is lonely. Oprah and Steadman are still together even though they aren’t married. I don’t know why our people think that only married people have companionship, everything must be black or white for us.

  4. FitMrsfats

    November 18, 2015 at 12:03 pm

    I love this interview and how she’s so honest about her life. Not everyone believes in marriage, I do and loving it. I do believe in women finding themselves before getting married so they don’t feel like they are missing something or tied down when they are eventually married. When I was single, a lot of my married friends made it seem like marriage is the last thing you can ever achieve, honestly thats BS. You grow everyday, you make conscious decisions on achieving your goal, in taking care of yourself, your kids and husband; it’s all about balance. How do you balance? Only God gives a smooth balance in juggling it all. Thank you for sharing, BN. Off to buy her book. Lol.

    Aprillaugh.net

  5. SR

    November 18, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    i am a guy..of prime age..and i can say i feel the same way..i am not cut out for marriage
    i want kids but not the whole marriage thingy because i feel i am too emotional for such roller coaster rides

    • smiley

      November 18, 2015 at 1:56 pm

      Fair enough. So do u want a partner without being married?

    • Memebaby

      November 18, 2015 at 6:23 pm

      And that’s not a bad choice either,, just find a willing participant … Someone who wants kids but does not want husband..

  6. Isaid!!

    November 18, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    I don’t blame them at all!! Marriage is beautiful and all but it also takes so much from you. Not everyone is willing to give this independence up. I admire those who realize this on time and decide not to jump the broom.

  7. Kcee

    November 18, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    @Uche……. me too oooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sipping water and waiting impatiently….lolz

  8. miss Pynk

    November 18, 2015 at 12:30 pm

    I appreciate their honesty. I had a conversation with my mom about this- not everyone desires marriage for different reasons. I know of women who see marriage as a disruption in their lives, i know of some who see it as a pointless excercise because they saw their parents have terrible marriages and I know of some people who want different partners every so often. For everyonr marriage is different, and people committ to matriage marriage for reasons ranging from love to financial security to child bearing. Hell some people are scared of dying alone- spending their later years alone, so they marry.

    The key thing is to be happy with your decision at the point you make it and the times that follow.

    pynk360.com

  9. sandra philip

    November 18, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    I totally relate with this.. am actually at that point of my life where I so desired kids but to be honest I don’t want to get married now, maybe in the future….like kilode? When I think of the society we live in and all that, it just weakens me. When we pple stop placing unnecessary attention on “marriage” and understand it’s just a word!!!

    • Adelaide

      November 18, 2015 at 5:57 pm

      Marriage isn’t just a word!!!

  10. wynie

    November 18, 2015 at 1:07 pm

    I honestly think every person should live there lives however it makes them happy. I always tell my friends,not everyone is gonna be married & if they do,not all will stay married.
    @ SR.. too emotional for the roller coaster ride. Lol

  11. ify

    November 18, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    d only problem i av with d talk is u dont wanna be married but u want to have kids from ur bosom, from my point of view dey are not serious, its either u r celibate and abstain from men completely or ur married and have kids and let ur kids have d privilege of having a real family. but no dey slept with men outside wedlock and had kids if i use d bible dats a sin, if i use quran it is a sin, if i use moral standards it aint right, at least rev sisters no dey marry noone said it is by force to get married,even God dint say it was wrong but if u wanna take dat decision close ur pussy too, and adopt kids and take care of dem, den i will respect u more but asides from dat gerrahere mehn shit

    • Juwon

      November 18, 2015 at 2:10 pm

      This was so hard to read, I gave up halfway.

    • tunmi

      November 18, 2015 at 2:30 pm

      In your opinion, there are only two options: Unmarried and celibate or married and non-celibate. It is your opinion. Now may I offer another perspective. There are many different options for many different people. There are unmarried people who are celibate, unmarried people who have open relationships, unmarried people in committed relationships, etc. And there are married people who don’t have sex, married people in open relationships, married people in committed relationships, etc. I just wanted to introduce other options in the human sexuality realm.

      And children can exist in many different couple-relationships. Some kids are planned, some are unplanned. Some are biological, and some are adopted.

    • Olofofo

      November 18, 2015 at 2:33 pm

      Love your comment Ify. Don’t mind them! They want to eat their cake, have it and share it again with people so people can also start reasoning like them. Bullshit!

    • Cancel Reply

      November 18, 2015 at 3:41 pm

      @Ify, the fact is that we are not all going to fit into the little boxes you highlighted. Unmarried people are going to have kids, some unmarried people are going to have sex, some married people will have sex with another partner and children may be born from that affair. While I hope to do everything in the traditional way, I know that there are other options, and everyone is not going to think like me, and do the things I do. Life is dynamic, things change, and we all don’t use the bible or quran as guidelines. We cannot expect everyone to live their lives according to the tenets we follow. You live your life, and others will live theirs as they deem fit #liveandletlive

      Saying you will respect someone more based on how they chose to have kids is you trying to play God.”Gerrahere mehn shit” shows that your point is being made from a scornful place. So much for morals and the bible & quran you are shinning in our faces.

    • Fabulicious

      November 18, 2015 at 6:12 pm

      I hope you know that her first two children were adopted and the last was carried by a surrogate.

    • Idomagirl

      November 18, 2015 at 8:01 pm

      You should have gotten proper information first before climbing your high horse, I hope you know that Shonda’s first 2 kids were adopted (are you going to tell us that that one is a sin?) And the 3rd is via surrogate.

      Don’t be so closed minded biko, there are different paths to parenthood today, it doesn’t always involve sex and pregnancy (for the parent).

  12. nwa nna

    November 18, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    I watched the interview and can respect both of them for being completely honest to their core about them not wanting to be married. With all the societal pressure of getting married and staying married that we face everyday I rather be in a committed long lasting relation with someone without the pressure of marriage, or single and be happy.
    There is no one size fits all and I think as a society we are always trying to push our own beliefs down people’s throat against their wish.. Happiness and fulfillment is relative & means different things to different folks so let us live and let live biko…

  13. petals

    November 18, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    The pressure to get married in Nigeria is out of this world, Iv actually stopped attending some family functions and only go when its most important and cant avoid it. Tired of hearing from aunties, uncles ‘when are you getting married’. People saying, ‘we are praying for you’. People even calling my mum and asking what she’s doing about my situation, giving bible passages to read, Pastors to call. One aunty even called and suggested a baba smwe’r outside lagos. Mind you im 32, was engaged 2yrs ago and it fell apart. My mum just keeps telling them, thank you. We are only looking 2wds God. We are going to see to Baba, alfa or whatever.
    I keep wondering, do I have a disease that smone will be saying ‘we’r praying for you.
    I’m healthy, educated, have a good career going on, can afford most things I want.
    God will answer at the right time, it is important for me to marry that one person God choices for me.

  14. petals

    November 18, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    *chooses*

  15. tunmi

    November 18, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    It is 8:19 am Eastern time US, which is 2:19 pm in Naija on Wednesday, November 18, 2015 and a marriage topic involving two adult women has not denigrated to insults. ?????? well done BN fam

  16. tunmi

    November 18, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    To the topic, I appreciate their honesty. When people can be truly honest about themselves, I really appreciate them because it takes a lot of self-reflection to get there. I’d like to have kids as well as a long committed relationship. My current beau would be ideal. If it wasn’t for the many benefits of marriage on the US, I would not do it. I understand that the title gives assurance for some but it only gives me pressure.

  17. Brizola

    November 18, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    I also feel the same way, I am 25, trying to build my career and marriage is the last thing on my mind. My parent didn’t have the best of marriages, my mother sacrificed it all just to stay married for the kids and that sole decision messed my idea of marriage being her first child. Call me selfish or whatever, I don’t want to sacrifice my happiness, dream and freedom for any man. I love the Idea of planning a wedding but thats all that excites me. I try to explain this to my Mum but she would have none of it. According to her, the day I get married would be the happiest day of her life, she can’t wait to see my happily married to a man that adores me and beautiful grand children running around. She wants to live her dream to me. Thats not the ultimate or my priority. I want to be successful in what I do, provide for the people I love and influence the society positively in any way I can. My boyfriend scares me with the marriage talk when he talks about the future, living together, decorating our house etc I want my house, my business, my children. I wish our society understands people like me, not assuming we need pity, or that we are unhappy or cursed. I think the worse of them all is the nosey aunties in not so good marriages being overly annoying with unending questions.

  18. Brizola

    November 18, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    I also feel the same way, I am 25, trying to build my career and marriage is the last thing on my mind. My parent didn’t have the best of marriages, my mother sacrificed it all just to stay married for the kids and that sole decision messed my idea of marriage being her first child. Call me selfish or whatever, I don’t want to sacrifice my happiness, dream and freedom for any man. I love the Idea of planning a wedding but thats all that excites me. I try to explain this to my Mum but she would have none of it. According to her, the day I get married would be the happiest day of her life, she can’t wait to see my happily married to a man that adores me and beautiful grand children running around. She wants to live her dream to me. Thats not the ultimate or my priority. I want to be successful in what I do, provide for the people I love and influence the society positively in any way I can. My boyfriend scares me with the marriage talk when he talks about the future, living together, decorating our house etc I want my house, my business, my children. I wish our society understands people like me, not assuming we need pity, or that we are unhappy or cursed. I think the worse of them all is the nosey aunties in not so good marriages being overly annoying with unending questions.

    • Pipaluv

      November 18, 2015 at 5:24 pm

      From a Christian perspective, Marriage is between Christ and HIS Bride ( the church) in heaven, but as we are on earth, we marry to show what God has promised to us in Revelations on the grand wedding day. God loves us so dearly, and that’s why the bible says Men should LOVE their wives. James 4:7 says we Christiians should submit ourselves to God, and it’s obligated of wives to SUBMIT themselves to their husbands. Marriage is also to replicate the image of God throughout the earth through the bearing of children. Also in this godly Union, your rewards would be doubled and your seeds would continually be mighty on the earth. I don’t blame them at all, but I think it depends on God’s desires placed in you land your understanding of HIS will for your life. As for me, by HIS grace, I’ll be a part of depicting the relationship between God and the Church on earth, and replicating his image. #ILOVEGODLIKETHAT ❤️

  19. It Yaff do

    November 18, 2015 at 2:29 pm

    No, its no pressure from anyone, its you talking about it everyday that makes this tiring

    You all have dropped your rants about marriage pressure on plenty articles, do you have to continue talking about it again?

    Anyways i doubt it, out of the abundance of the heart, a man speaketh.
    The way you people talk about it evreyday shows you really want it

  20. Niola

    November 18, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    Marriage is certainly not compulsory and its not an achievement either when gotten right it can be blissful as intended but bear in mind that compromises will be made and if you cant handle that, don’t get into it. However I struggle as a Christian to be all ‘cool’ about reasoning deduced from worldly intellect but you know its my struggle as a Christian and not everyone is a Christian so i cant force celibacy on unmarried people, I can however say it like I am saying now…..

  21. Sade

    November 18, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    Do you really expect us to read this long epistle in which all of your words were abbreviated. My dear, this is hard to read. I stopped after the 3rd sentence. If you focused this energy on writing correctly – marriage will be the least of your concerns.

    I’m engaged but not all that excited about marriage. But we ll see.

  22. www.thelmathinks.com

    November 18, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    I can completely relate and I’m relieved to see that most comments are empathetic. I’ve never had the “burning desire” to be married and most times praying about it is often an afterthought, and often because I’m being made to think that I’m SUPPOSED to be praying for a husband at this point in my life. I find that most times I feel the need for marriage because it’s what society expects of me and not necessarily because it’s what I want. Because Lord knows the one thing I fear right now is losing my independence. Yet people say wait until you’re 40 and alone and see how you’ll feel then. So now I’m beginning to think I should “desire” marriage because I don’t want to grow old alone. But is that a good enough reason? *sigh*

  23. jasmine

    November 18, 2015 at 3:00 pm

    Shonda of all people? Wow!!! So all the married ‘ish’ on Greys-Anatomy is wat? Hmmm. I remember the day a proud dude came to ask for my hand in marriage. Some1 I don’t know o. Sum1 told him about me and he felt I was the one for him. After 2 dates, the pride was just pouring out from him as tho he had it on as a cape. Lol. Mumsy was forcing him down my throat and I screamed and said, ‘never will I get married to him, infact I don’t want to get married’. I just want to av a child and live my life. And my mum screamed, chim oooo, aru emela!!! Hahahaha, kai, I just laughed like a mad woman. But with the cases of everywhere, i’m scared

  24. emily

    November 18, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    I think there probably is another entirely different definition of marriage because what else is “a long lasting committed relationship?”
    Isn’t that marriage?

  25. Cancel Reply

    November 18, 2015 at 3:18 pm

    “I do not want a husband in my house.”” That cracked me up….LMYO

  26. oma

    November 18, 2015 at 3:26 pm

    Hahahaha @ jasmine, you’re so funny. I detect an Imo heritage.

  27. Meme

    November 18, 2015 at 3:33 pm

    She is not saying “Yes” to a husband lol

  28. ItsDemi

    November 18, 2015 at 3:42 pm

    Well for me, it’s about bn successful and happy. If dating makes me happy; oh yea cool. But in this Lagos especially on the island where you spot some cute couples step out together, then you start wishing for a good husband. Fifi Dilly , Leslie Okoye are examples. I want to get married tho but I want to have a very happy marriage not bondage marriage and for that, one needs to take her time. Don’t be pressurised into marrying the available. Marry your life partner.

    • Truth

      November 18, 2015 at 5:47 pm

      You are everything that is wrong with marriage so because you see fifi and leslie stepping out with their husbands you too you want someone to just hang on your arm like handbag. May you not fall into the wrong hands all in the struggle to be seen in this Lagos as you put it. Kotinu

  29. Olofofo

    November 18, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    Read my comments very well @africhic…theres nothing there about others conforming or whatever your comment might insinuate. I know of women who actually don’t want to get married and sleep happy at night because they are actually very comfortable with such decisions. On the other hand, there are also some women who can even carry placards screaming no need to get married, and yet at night, they are miserable and lonely because they are unmarried. My comment is directed at the latter. And yes! Such women do exist weather i can or cannot prove it.

    • Olofofo

      November 18, 2015 at 4:21 pm

      whether*

  30. Marriage feelings.

    November 18, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    @ FitMrsFats.. You are very right. I have always wanted kids, get married , have a HUGE wedding. But I also believe in dreams FIRST before all that marriage issue. It’s not a priority for me anymore. I’m at a certain age where I feel if it doesn’t happen within a certain time, Nah I’m done.. Ain’t doing it.. Let me just enjoy my career. I pray I still get married if God’s willing but it gets to that age u just feel ” hmmmm I don’t know about walking down the aisle” at this age LOL… I mean anything is possible but like Shonda said, that’s my Lil secret took. I haven’t had the nerve to tell a lot of folks my views on Marriage yet but very soon, I sure will be dropping the bomb on them ALL 🙂

    @BN this is the first comment I’m posting ALL day so don’t stay that mess of me slowing down KMT.

  31. Olofofo

    November 18, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    whether*

  32. Daniel

    November 18, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    I was talking to this old friend of mine who I hadn’t spoken to in a while, and the first question she poses was “When are you getting married”? for me its become a recurring theme for individuals to equate marriage as a status symbol of “He is now a real man”(same applies for ladies). At the end of the day defining what marriage means to you rather than succumbing to the demands of the society(your relatives mostly) would give you a clearer reason to get married.

  33. Truth

    November 18, 2015 at 5:18 pm

    Kudos to these 2 strong inspiring women they don’t feel the need to get married because they have made something of themselves. Sadly, marriage has become an exploitation of the rich by the poor. The less established party is the one who stands to win by getting married, gone are the days when one married for love now everyone has an agenda or sees the other party as some sort of anchor to be hooked unto. Admit it if you were Oprah Winfrey would you see the need to desperately want some guy to marry you. I don’t think so.

  34. Someone cute

    November 18, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    The truth with articles like this and people who think like these 2 madams is that they are SCARED or haven’t found the right person. Scared to enter a marriage and fail. Or haven’t found that one person that can be married to them and have like minds and thus their goals can’t be deterred. Are you telling me that there are no married women who have achieved their dreams in marriage even with kids? Tiwa savage is married with a baby and still does her thing. Thank God she married her manager who understands the biz. So many other people are excelling both in marriage and business. Is Oprah the first person to write a book? Whether married or not you can achieve your dreams provided you marry your best friend that completely digs and understands your ways. It’s ok to wait for that right person, but to say marriage is not meant for me bcos I want to achieve bla bla bla, no I think it’s SELFISH. Babymamas everywhere……When did we get to this point exactly……. Chrissy Tiegen is a model doing her thing, her hubby supports her vision. Omotola has done it all model, music, acting and now traveling round the world for philanthropy. They married a person that sees and supports their vision. I know of single ladies who would have had such dreams but no o, they won’t get married just bcos they have dreams! Let your reason be bcos you are yet to meet that one person that matches you. If you meet at 23 fine, if you meet at 35 fine as well. Don’t come and preach independent woman to young girls here and cause them to loose the right man.

    • Idomagirl

      November 18, 2015 at 8:21 pm

      What is a BN article without someone missing the point?
      Oprah has been with Steadman for over 20 years and you think she doesn’t want marriage because she’s afraid or hasn’t found the right person?

      And no, it isn’t selfish to refuse to get married. What is selfish is getting married to fulfil societal expectations and then you end up making another person miserable.

      And nobody is deceiving anybody, Oprah and Shonda didn’t say people should stop getting married, they’re only telling us why they refused to get married.

      I’m sure marriage is a wonderful, beautiful thing bla, bla, bla, but I’ve seen enough divorces and unhappy homes to realize that it just isn’t for everyone, the amount of work & sacrifice involved especially when you have kids is not child’s play,
      So if someone says ‘Mehn I can’t do this thing’, let them be abeg.

    • Someone cute

      November 18, 2015 at 10:07 pm

      I understand the article! I’m only reacting to the way people were quick to applause and similarise Oprah’s situation with theirs. How can you spew comments like; yea marriage is a bondage etc. The fact that it didn’t work for your parents or someone else doesn’t make marriage a terrible institution. It doesn’t matter what anybody thinks or says. Marraige was ordained by God and it works for those who have found their soul mates. If you have found that person, thank God. If not, keep doing your thing while you wait for the right man. If you’ have found your better half but still trying to prove a point of independence, good luck to you, but I have 3 questions for you.
      1. Someone commented that she wants to make sure she builds a house before thinking of marraige(I’m not against that) but is that all you’re going to achieve in life? Really. Isn’t there more?
      2. Someone else said its the men that benefits the marraige. That’s where my “selfish” comes in. How can you even generalize the word “men”.? Are you willing to give anything? It’s both ways, but if you think you don’t want a man to take from you, am sorry you’re SELFISH. Read what the bible says about love if you’re a Christian. Couples have built empires together. Mark Zukeeberg once made a comment that without Priscilla, he would not be able to achieve his success today.
      3. Have you reevaluated your reasons for not getting married? If it makes you smile, great, if you think you’re selfish then change.

    • Idomagirl

      November 18, 2015 at 8:24 pm

      And in addition, for every Omotola or Tiwa out there, there are 20 more who gave up their dreams, goals & desires for the sake of a ‘peaceful home’. We’re in Nigeria let’s not act like we don’t know these things.

    • Peaches

      November 18, 2015 at 8:38 pm

      @ Idomagirl God bless U.. This marriage matter don tire me! If u speak ur views, folks automatically thinks bcuz u are jealous, selfish or u haven’t found the right one. “Marriage” no b beans & I applaud EVERYONE doing in it, doing it d right way.. Society pressure is a disease esp amongst us Nigerians. They see u and that’s d first thing they ask “when r u getting married”? If u are married when r u having a baby? After baby #1 oya hurry up for #2 oo no time to waste,, Jeez they kill me with all this mess..

    • Someone cute

      November 19, 2015 at 12:13 am

      I am only encouraging people who have given up on the thing called marraige either based on what they’ve seen or from articles like this. I’m only trying to send a hopeful and positive message across. And mind you those people gave up their dreams bcos they didn’t have their perfect match. It is not enough to generalize.

  35. Mabel

    November 18, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    The truth is there are many of us doing many things simply because it is expected by the culture. There are many of us doing things just for the experience and to see what it feels like. Many who are parents have no business being a parent, and many who are married have no business being married. To be honest and to stand in your truth is a good thing. Marriage is beneficial in many ways to both partners, but the average woman works too much in a marriage in my humble opinion, and many times the man is completely oblivious to everything that she has to do. Marriage to me is something that greatly benefits the man more than the woman in the long run, and that is why even the Gospel says a man who finds a wife finds a good thing.

    Both these women are highly successful and respected in their fields, they also live in a country that venerates personal choice and living your truth. They have the luxury of not getting married; unfortunately, for many woman globally, even the well educated and highly successful ones, marriage is not something they can opt out of. I wish my sisters all over the globe had the ability to consciously choose for themself if marriage is a step they need to take in their life’s journey. #liveyourtruth

  36. Someone cute

    November 18, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    They are successful yes I agree. They decided to opt out of it. Fine. But why. Because they feel in marriage they cannot achieve success. That’s what I have a problem with. I disagree that men is the only beneficiary in marriage. Just because it didn’t work for some people does not give anybody the right to insult the institution of marriage. If everybody opts out of marriage, where is the family system.

    • Mabel

      November 18, 2015 at 10:54 pm

      @Someone cute..I never said a woman does not benefit from marriage, I said the man is the one who benefits more in the long run, this is an opinion I will never change, lived too long and seen too much in this ole world. Who says you can’t be married and be successful too? NOBODY! It’s simply that these two women in this particular conversation happen to be two highly successful women who chose not to marry. There are women out there who also choose not marry who are of of lesser means. My driving point is that each individual need to search themself and be willing to stand in their truth whatever that is, too many ppl cow to cultural, societal, and familial pressure to do something that is deeply against their core belief.

  37. Ayo F

    November 18, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    Since she knows she’s been saying No out of fear, including ‘No’ to marriage and if this is her year of saying ‘Yes’ maybe she’ll finally say yes to marriage if and when someone asks her.

    Also…isn’t it cool she has Oprah as a friend? I need more billionaires as friends lol

  38. Naveah

    November 19, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    To each his own, this works for them all good and dandy. Me sef, I don’t know who even asked them to explain their lives to anyone, they are not the first nor will they be the last to have decided to not get married for whatever reason that works for them. The next thing is all the people who are high fiving them, remember that it is easy for them to say all that and live their lives under those terms because they can afford it.

    Marriage is hard work. Marriage is not for anyone who is NOT willing to take the time to find the right person and put in the work to maintain it. Marriage is NOT for anyone with control issues. Marriage is about communication and compromise, if you have issues with both then it is not for you.

    To me, when you have to go around beating drums, defending or explaining your decisions then I begin to think there is more behind it. As for auntie Shonda, you don’t want marriage but you don born three pickins so the example you are setting for young women is that it is okay to have babies without marriage and the legal benefits of it for your children? Okay, abeg it’s worked for you and you have the money to support all of them but some girl in Tshikiri land with access to internet cannot afford the same dream o so please as you speak from your LOFTY HEIGHTS be mindful of the minds you influence.

    Marry or not marry, na your own. I just get irritated when celebrities give interviews about their lives and people take it up as the gospel truth but you don’t know the struggles behind all those decisions AND they also speak as if they are authorities…please be an authority ON YOUR OWN LIFE and remember that some people are sheep, they follow anything so you need to be careful.

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