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#BN2015Epilogues: Edie Went Through an Abusive Relationship But is Convinced the Future Holds a Glorious Hope

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dreamstime_l_27399076Last year BellaNaija Features put together an inspiring feature series to round off the year. The 2014 Epilogues featured 10 real people who took an introspective look at their year and wrote about it. This year, we decided to make the call public to our readers. {Click here if you missed it} It is our hope and desire that we will have enough entries to have a story up every day from the 1st to the 31st of December. We have received an impressive number of entries and we hope that you will share yours with us.

We kicked off the series and so far we’ve had the following entries: Jennifer G , Morountodun , VictoryMayowa ,  Harmony ,Dekky , OJ , Busola , ModupeThe Prodigal Daughter , AdetolaAyomikun Omami Jojo , Kehinde Iember ,  Hadiza , Florence , Amaha , Vanessa Winifred and Anne-Rose.

We have had an overwhelming response to the call for Epilogues and we’re grateful to everyone who has sent in an entry. We will do our best to share every story we received before the deadline (even if it runs into the new year. Because BellaNaijarians are so awesome!)

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The fact that I am stable enough to write this article today is a miracle. This year was an eventful one for me and 2015 taught me some hard lessons. Let me tell y’all about it.

All my life I’ve been the good child. I did the house chores without complaining, was a straight A student and as the only girl in my family, I learnt to grow up really fast. I had to take care of everyone at home as my mum worked till late at night and we had no maid. When I wasn’t engrossed in home duty, I was in school, where there were very strict rules. Because of this, I didn’t go out much, I was shy and reserved except when around close friends and I didn’t really know how to relate to people. Basically, I didn’t have a social life and I stayed away from relationships. However, I saw myself as a beautiful, strong and confident young woman.

Imagine when 2015 came and I finally had the chance to live away from my home and school for the first time. I had gotten a great internship in another city and I was pretty stoked about it. I didn’t have to rack my brain about what to make for dinner or about tests, projects, term papers or harsh deadlines and I looked forward to it with all my heart. At 21, I was finally free to live my life, eagerly expectant of the other great things life had to offer.

I eventually left home in March. I began my awesome internship and started taking driving lessons as well. I hung out more often with friends after work and on weekends and began to meet new people. In all of this, I couldn’t wrap my head around all the attention I was getting from men at work, church, the mall, but I enjoyed it. In the spirit of trying new things, I decided it was time to enter into a relationship. I really liked the guy. He was much older, gave me his attention, time and treated me like a queen. Life seemed terrific and nothing could have prepared me for what was to come.

In the next few months, the roses faded and the skies were no longer blue. I found myself in an abusive relationship I couldn’t get out of. He didn’t have to throw punches before scaring my soul and taking away the light that was once in my eyes. Suddenly, I didn’t look good enough, my food didn’t taste good enough, I always needed to watch my tone and I couldn’t wear high heels anymore. He picked a fight with me over the smallest things and didn’t hesitate to crush my pride every time he could. He constantly reminded me he didn’t like dating fair girls and how he had supposedly changed his lifestyle for me, so I had to consider being with him, a privilege. Whenever, I dared to oppose him or speak my mind, he would get really angry and block my number for weeks. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I tried to talk to him about it and he told me to my face that there were other fish in the sea and there was nothing special about me. He warned me never call or text him again.

My whole world suddenly turned upside down and slowly, I BEGAN TO LOSE MYSELF. I began to seek for validation in all the wrong places and I desperately wanted to belong to someone, anyone. For months, I looked myself in the mirror and felt I wasn’t good enough. I cried when I remembered all the things he said to me. I began to starve myself and take weight loss pills (which never worked) so that he would like my body. I would drink till I was knocked out just so I could sleep at night and I smoked everything that passed by for the high.

My friends (God bless them) decided it had gone on for too long and staged an intervention. We had a long talk where they told me all the things that were beautiful about me and asked me to give everything to Jesus; he was the only one who could take care of me. Shortly after that, I gave my life to Him, truly and sincerely this time and it has been an amazing journey since then. I found out who I was in Christ by the virtue of my redemption and he has restored the dignity I lost during my dark days. He gave me all the strength I needed to go through that period and I never went back to my ex. I also lost a whooping 15kg through proper dieting and exercise only. I did it for myself, not for anybody and I look and feel even more amazing. I believe God wanted me to go through this now to teach me some lessons and prepare me for the future.

This year I have truly experienced God’s love like never before. It has been so overwhelming and I’m just in awe of Him. He has given my life meaning again and he is slowly moulding me into the woman he wants me to be. With Him, I am convinced that the future holds even more glorious things for me and everything will definitely work out for my good.

We remain ever beautiful in God’s eyes.

Love,
Edie

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Javiindy

18 Comments

  1. papermoon

    December 22, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    Truly inspiring and i am happy you got out of this………..when God wants to take jalopy out of our hands and give us brand new Bugatti, we cling on it, crying “nooo, i want it like that, I will manage It like that……”
    The guy sounds like a person with narcissistic personality… God bless you, you have so much to teach society

    • Nkechi

      December 22, 2015 at 4:56 pm

      I am so happy for you. A woman must be able to prioritize relationships. God is your maker, He knows your inward parts even the things you have not discovered about yourself so He is therefore the most important Person to please. This is why I am sometimes amazed at the reasons why some people sin against God by lying to another person just to make that person validate them. Women, put God first because His wisdom will benefit you on all your relationships. I am a married woman and my husband was everything to me but now, God is my everything because I realized that my husband cannot fulfill my every need; Spirit, soul and body. Why? Because he is not my maker. Thank God you discovered Jesus in the midst of it . If you had known Him earlier, you would have realized that a relationship that forces you to die before you live is questionable. How do you please a man who does not like you because of your skin color. Jesus never forced or forces Himself on anyone. Personally, I know that I need to focus on areas of improvement but after you have done all that is right to do(women also need to work on areas eg some are very sensitive) and the person refuses to be satisfied then you can’t place him in your Lord’s position. At this juncture, nothing you do pleases him, you have got to run before you become a shadow of yourself. I honour my husband and try my best to be a great wife and mother but no one is taking the exclusive position of Jesus in my life.

  2. Arin

    December 22, 2015 at 12:41 pm

    I am soo happy for you!! Remain strong and keep your head up!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFULLY AND FEARFULLY MADE!!!!!!!!!

  3. prince

    December 22, 2015 at 12:50 pm

    wao wao waoooooooo, very inspiring piece. thank you for this, believe me, I was blessed and still am. I am special and unique to God. thank you

  4. Faith

    December 22, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    God is good! She’s lucky amongst the hundreds of girls who are still drowning in the sorrows of abusive relationships

  5. Joy

    December 22, 2015 at 1:41 pm

    I haven’t commented on any of this epilogues but today i said i must drop a line or two. God bless those your friends for pulling you out of that space. your story is so inspiring to those who are in abusive relationships that are not necessarily physical, those ones that bruise the soul, and make you feel less of yourself and what God wants you to truly be. keep shinning honey cos in 2016, the All sufficient God will bring the most charming and perfect gentleman your way.

    Grateful for your story.

    • Edie

      December 24, 2015 at 1:12 am

      Thank you Joy. God bless

  6. Ade

    December 22, 2015 at 1:43 pm

    Amazing story! God bless you Edie

    • Edie

      December 24, 2015 at 1:12 am

      God bless,you too Ade

  7. Great Lady

    December 22, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    Very inspiring story. Thank God for your life dear. This is just the beginning of greater things that God will do in your life. Please do not lose your hope and joy for anything.

  8. Anonymous

    December 22, 2015 at 2:41 pm

    I was in a relationship that is exactly like the one u talked about. I envy you though cos u got out. I married him! U can figure out the rest.

    • MIST

      December 22, 2015 at 4:47 pm

      Honey it’s not too late to leave, you deserve to be alive for you and you children(if you have any) don’t kill/waste your self/life for a man that doesn’t appreciate you. But if you still want to stay then don’t ever stop praying….

    • Joy

      December 22, 2015 at 4:58 pm

      Pray hard please since you are already in it. With God all things are possible. Thanks for being honest.

    • Hian

      December 24, 2015 at 2:14 am

      The good Lord is not a judgmental Nigerian. Leave that marriage before he kills you. God will not come down and move you out of it and there is no trophy in heaven for married women. Please know that our merciful Father will not ask you to sit in a situation that can cause your children to become motherless. The highest that can happen is a bunch of abused women telling you you were not patient enough to stick with him. Everybody else has wised up and realized that marriage (although with its challenges) is not meant to be endured. God be with you dear and give you direction.

      When people say pray for an abusive spouse, they do not understand that your heart is filled with so much fear, resentment and hatred that you can not muster the energy to pray for someone who is trying to kill you (mental, emotional or physical abuse can kill).

    • Lady

      December 28, 2015 at 7:16 am

      @ Anonymous – Girl I feel your pain.

      One thing I have come to realise is that no man can continue to treat you in a manner that you don’t tolerate.

      My husband used to abuse me emotionally and mentally as well by putting me down, criticism, silent treatment etc until I decided that I was no longer going to be brought down by it.

      Put your foot down and NEVER make him think that he is your all in all! Tell him you are no longer prepared to be treated in an ill manner and that there must be mutual respect! When he realises that he could lose you he’d sit up.

      And pray for him and yourself also. Relationships can take a toil on a woman’s confidence and it is always up to the woman to put a STOP to it. God Bless you dear.

  9. DD

    December 23, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    Thank God for His grace! Thank God for good friends that intervened when you needed them! Thank God you made it out of the relationship and never went back. Thank God you are achieving your goals for the right reasons. Thank God you can share your story now for others to be blessed and inspired by it. Best wishes to you in 2016 and beyond!! Great things lie ahead.

    • Edie

      December 24, 2015 at 1:03 am

      Thanks DD, I appreciate ot

  10. Frances Okoro

    December 24, 2015 at 4:38 pm

    Almost sounds like my own salvation story, born out of an abusive relationship and low self esteem issues..was fat too and all…
    Lost the weight now and 4years down God has been amazing! And Hour has even more in store for you… God bless you!

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