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William Ifeanyi Moore: Netflix and “Chill”

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If I have to see yet another meme with ladies complaining about not being able to watch Netflix (movie, series, cartoon..etc) and LITERALLY chill with a guy, I’m going to toss myself over Third Mainland Bridge. Like really…ladies…really?

Firstly, let us address the leading issue of male and female friendship. Is it possible, definitely, I have a lot of completely platonic female friends. But these are girls I am not attracted to. That isn’t to say they aren’t attractive, I am not just attracted to them. As one might expect, we have rules that govern this friendship not so different from rules that govern my friendship with guys i.e no flirtation, you pay for your own drinks, and I do not owe you anything. If you need help and I can be of use, then you can count me in. And if we were going to watch anything and chill; there will be no cuddling or any other act of intimacy. It will be no different from how I chill with my bros.

As we get older, our friendship quota begins to fill up to the point where we have to start cutting people off even when we do don’t deliberately mean to. After university, when “real life” sets in, for the most part, the friends we make have a functional purpose to our lives. We hardly go into new friendships just for friendship sakes. Certainly not to find people we can watch series with and just chill. Thank you very much I can watch Game of Thrones just fine by myself, and your commentary is often more of a distraction. And if you really wanted to have a friend you can watch stuff with and chill…well…aren’t there more women than men in the population so what are you looking for in my room biko?

There are very few things that grind my gears like people partaking in denial of obvious realities. At my age, a girl can’t really approach me seeking a platonic relationship and I won’t sense it, she certainly can’t approach me with some kind of romantic interest or sexual interest and it won’t be obvious either, so ladies what are you saying? You didn’t know the plan when you carried yourself to his house, entered his room, laid on the bed, and started watching Suits abi How To Get Away With Murder…tah!
Maybe he was a bit too forward about the whole thing and didn’t even offer you wine before he made an advance. Maybe when you got there you realized this isn’t really what you want. But claiming that all this time you really wanted to come, watch something, and chill…mnba’nu. Y’all are acting like because Netflix became a brand name there is anything new about this move. Inviting a girl over to watch something before action is far from a new move. This is an age old technique and I’m sure before the video medium was invented guys used to say ‘come to mine let’s play some records and chill’, probably ‘come to mine and watch my cat do back flips’ before that. The point is that any invitation to a situation that has room for intimacy is a red flag. If you aren’t ready for at least an advance, meet up in Tasty or Mr. Biggs if money is the problem. Not every time Radisson Blu, sometimes Chicken Republic.

Why is it that I have never heard a guy go ‘I thought we were friends and then she tried to f*ck me.’ Are ladies saying guys are somehow more perceptive to these things when women are generally considered to be more intuitive than men? If it is a case of taking up offers out of boredom (which I guess is common with women considering how many girls I’ve seen put up the ‘when he says he isn’t like other guys but it doesn’t matter because you are just here for the food’ meme) then at least be bold enough to admit you were testing your fate and don’t make it seem like men are incapable of maintaining friendships where we both know the situation was far from friendly to begin with.

Fact: If a man is in the habit of giving you attention and he isn’t getting anything from you, chances are he is looking to score something, relationship or sex. A word is enough for the wise. Download your own shows or get a female chilling buddy. You already have your day one guys that you know where you stand with. If a new guy is extending an invitation…beware.

P.S Guys just because she is in your bed is no excuse to be forceful though. If you can’t stand it, have a quick cold shower and jog on the spot. If that fails, pull a Drake and call her an Uber. Better to be rude than to be a rapist. No is still no.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Monkey Business Images

William Ifeanyi Moore is an MPharm graduate from the University of Portsmouth, UK. His true passion is in novels and poetry but he cheats on them with movies, plays, and music. He believes sacrifice and compromise is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. His debut novel Lonely Roads is out on 10/12/2015. Blog: www.soulsyrup.space Twitter: @willifmoore Instagram: willifmoore

81 Comments

  1. bankydd

    December 8, 2015 at 2:45 pm

    Nice article fam..it’s getting ridiculous tbh..I don’t even watch movies with someone.I do my thing alone..telling me you wanna come over to see a movie is just code that you’re horny tbh

    • Di

      December 8, 2015 at 6:38 pm

      What is wrong with Netflix & Chill is the dumb deception, not the need to watch movies with people. Honesty if you want to f- someone be upfront about it or make an advance b4 the Netflixing day, that way your intentions are crystal clear!
      I like watching with friend(s) and even do a pj movie night with my female friends where I serve light food and drinks, we watch Redbox/HBO movies till late and they all sleep over at my place.
      I would never Netflix alone at night with a guy am not interested in, but some guys will be forming “am not interested in you like that” then do a quick 360′ during Netflix for a quick release. Anyone that tries that with me will have a can of pepper spray emptied in his eyes!
      Also have people thought about the fact that you maybe interested in someone but want to take it slow?? Smashing isnt a part of getting to know someone, it is mostly a man’s short-term goals.
      People(mostly men) be upfront, if you want to f- make it clear before you get all wind up and frustrated.

    • HOUSE OF ZINO

      December 8, 2015 at 10:50 pm

      OMG…..are u not just too HARSH???

    • Di

      December 9, 2015 at 4:24 am

      I couldn’t go past the first paragraph myself, it felt wrong. Girls have encountered rape through Netflix-chill, if guys make their sexual intentions clear, most girls won’t be accepting the invite. It’s the same old trick, luring unsuspecting women for sex.

      Something else the author said that irked me, insinuating the girls should know the men’s intentions. Like they are so forthcoming with it, deception is the new black. At writer, your article would’ve come off better if you advice ladies on signs to look out for and Naija men on how to take their cheap ass to the brothel.

      Ladies in Nigeria, if you find yourself in a likely rape situation, fight like an unhinged psycho till that erection deflates. Don’t be afraid to bite his neck, ears, poke his eyes with you acrylic nails. Scream till the neighbors hear. If you say it’s rape, and there are no bruises/signs of struggle, it’s hard for the Nigeria neighbors to believe, they will sweep it aside as a lovers’ swat. If you are in US/UK, threaten to call the cops, tell your circle of friends.
      Screw Nigeria and their rape enabling culture!!!

    • Jameson

      December 9, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      It’s a 180, and not 360 hun.

    • Adeola

      December 10, 2015 at 12:15 pm

      they claim they aren’t mind readers, but expect us to be one mschewwww

  2. Great Lady

    December 8, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    I love your article William, very real and down to earth.

  3. Zoey

    December 8, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    ……”there will be no cuddling or any other act of intimacy”

    One of my male friends asked me yesterday if I liked him and I said NO, and he said he still doesn’t understand my response. Sigh !

    My other close male friend (we used to hang out together all the time) asked to ‘sleep with me/cuddle me. I said NO! He has stopped talking to me.

    Being in a male dominated profession is somehow, God help me !!!

  4. oluchi

    December 8, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    Ifeanyi ooooooohhh….. i tried not to laff aloud before they sack me in this my office.

    Netflix and Chill is just a code name for ; “lets do this, i am horny”. Shikena

    It’s even hard for me to see a movie in a cinema with a guy cuz i totally like to be absorbed and flow with the movie, talk less of Netflix and Chill…tried that once….had my first kiss there.

    Tah…. I’ll pass biko!

    • whocares

      December 8, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      looool. You would never be able to watch a movie with me. I talk soooooooooooooo damned much during movies. I can’t help it. I always make this random side remarks. lool. it pisses people off or makes them laugh depending on who it is. and I ask soooooooooo many questions. Yeah, I am annoying.
      ps: first kiss netflix and chilling? go on with your bad self *wink wink* loool

  5. Tunmi

    December 8, 2015 at 4:04 pm

    I’ll have to read this again. I really just want to watch Netflix and chill. It’s the same way I binge watch my Korean dramas with some proper food ’cause you can’t watch Korean dramas without having food present unless you want to punish yourself

    • Ope

      December 9, 2015 at 12:07 am

      Omg I know right!! Those Korean dramas know how to make you feel hungry even after you just finshed one round of Eba and Efo lol

    • juki

      December 9, 2015 at 1:33 am

      ~”Insert any of your go to Asian site to watch dramas” and Chill ~
      ‘Viki and chill’ or ‘Dramafever and chill’

    • Koreandramalover

      December 25, 2015 at 4:36 pm

      I swear! Koreans and food enh. I didn’t noticewhen I started eating my noodles out of soup bowls only and not flat plates like before, pretending I was eating ramen. Kai!

  6. Ama

    December 8, 2015 at 4:04 pm

    Nice, sincere article.

  7. Josephine

    December 8, 2015 at 4:12 pm

    Nice article.

  8. whocares

    December 8, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Ifeanyi has vexed. loooool. I agree wholeheartedly with this. But I think it is mostly the younger people that have this problem. At this ripe old age of 26. If I carry my head to a man’s house and I henter the bed, I have mentally readied myself and my coochie that there might be pant hoffing in our future depending on my mood. If I mean business that no pant will be hoffed, we will stay in the living room., shikena. We adults know but you will be surprised the amount of 21 year olds walking through this life thinking they can go and chill at a guy’s house (14 – 23 and the hormones raging) . One of my friends 21 told me the other day how she went to some dude’s house and it was 1am and he started hanky panky. I was shocked. Firstly, she is my friend so I would have thought a great deal of my common sense would have robbed off on her. 1am, in a guy’s house, one who isn’t a platonic friend but is trying to toast you and you tell me you got upset when he tried things? What do you think he thought you came to do especially if you stayed over so late?!!! I asked her that. If you want to do the do, then please go into it with open eyes, but don’t make stupid decisions and try to blame the guy for trying it. If you had sat in your house and asked him to come to your house and chill, or sat in the living room where his whole family would see none of this would happen. That is not to say guys should paw every girl in their bed (consent, etc but I digress) no one should be that naive in this day and age. You are right Will.. if you want to watch GOT do what we cheapskates do, get the guy to give you his password and chill in your own house jare. loool.. (ps: good people of BN feel free to email me your netflix passwords thank you very much as you help me alleviate boredom this festive season)
    In other news, can you believe they even increased the price for netflix? I quickly discontinued it and settled for iroko (although I am regretting iroko now.. they do not upload current movies )

    • Ade

      December 8, 2015 at 4:43 pm

      Iroko and Chill

    • whocares

      December 8, 2015 at 4:51 pm

      @Ade- LOOOOL. boy. what excuse would you be able to give for giving up the pum for “Nneka and the pretty serpent” or “eran iya osogbo”.. ahh. loool.

    • Tru

      December 9, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      LOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOL LAWWWWWWWDDDD

    • Tru

      December 9, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      You have kee me finish LOLOLOLOLOL
      Seriously, the game/moves haven’t changed. From time in memoriam, even a “Wanna come over?” is clear code. For folks saying otherwise, abeg make I hear!

  9. reqe

    December 8, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    Whocares!!!!!! I so love your comment. It is true that no is no etc but pls edakun wisdom is key! 1am ke? Abeg be careful oh. Not every friend is a friend. Take precautions

  10. Dairy of a naija mom.

    December 8, 2015 at 5:13 pm

    Lovely article.

  11. yeye boi

    December 8, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    This boi sef and Netflex, uber and all this oyibo talk. See come down to my animalistic level!!!! if a woman wan watch fiim for yah bed it is an invitation to cure fever all u need to do is put rated 18. Tank yuuuu.?

  12. zarah baby loke loke

    December 8, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    Nice article.
    darris how my friend went to do sleep over in some guys place, next thing arnd 2am bobo woke her up nd wanted to do or she shld gerraout.
    Some boys av no chil. Thank God for vex money. Wisdom is key.

  13. lalade

    December 8, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    All I saw was netflix, didn’t even read the article…..someborry please edumacate me….I have been in this country three years and didn’t know I could watch netflix o….abeg now…hep me! How do I get my netflix working here? Thank you so very much!!

  14. This is rape culture at play

    December 8, 2015 at 8:18 pm

    Bella Naija, you should be ashamed of yourself for publishing this article that supports rape culture. The last paragraph at the end does not diminish the implications of what was written in the preceding paragraphs. Please take this article down.

    • BellaNaija.com

      BellaNaija.com

      December 8, 2015 at 9:35 pm

      Hello, while we welcome feedback. We cannot let political over-correctness erode openness and lively discussion. We are confident this article does not promote rape culture. We welcome other BellaNaijarians to weigh in.

    • Concerned Reader

      December 8, 2015 at 11:15 pm

      There is nothing open or lively about this discussion. This read like a chapter from a how to rape and get away with it book. And as someone else said, most of his arguments are usually used to blame rape victims. Bella Naija can do better.

    • californiabawlar

      December 9, 2015 at 1:31 am

      Yeah BN.com, that’s a big NAHHH!

      There are so many social nuances that a lot of girls are not aware of. I almost got raped once because I didn’t understand what this one London boy meant when he asked me if I wanted to go chill at his friends house. It wasn’t until his friend ‘excused’ us and we were alone in the room before I became aware of the situation I had walked into….a ‘slow’ day nearly cost me dearly.
      This article doesn’t have anything to do with political correctness or lack of it….it simply makes light of rape in a country where guys think it’s their right to get in your pants just because they bought you Mr.Biggs. This situation of “come and collect sweet in my room, the girl gets there, uncle rapes her, she tells even her own mother, they say what was she looking for in the room to begin with” culture in Nigeria has to stop. Abeg yall should be socially responsible….and this is not the first time too. You can’t come here and be posting stories of victims, when you just let this kind of mindset fester just for the sake of a lively discussion.
      That little caveat at the end didn’t convince me either. It was an obvious afterthought. I’m wasn’t even surprised at the author. I tell my friends all the time that most Nigerian guys see nothing wrong with rape (not in a sense that they themselves will rape but like it’s justifiable and it’s really not a big deal kinda way)….I know I’m probably wrong…but that’s my mindset. Talk your own make I talk my own…no fighting.

      Na una ask for our input o…I was just going to walk on by.

    • Alright

      December 9, 2015 at 8:56 am

      It’s better to talk about these things than keep it hidden, if for anything we are talking about it and the younger ones are learning. The writer isn’t a preacher and his words are not law. Let’s take this platform to inform and educate others.

    • Easy n Gentle

      December 10, 2015 at 8:46 pm

      It’s the government’s job to apprehend and prosecute rapist. It’s the society’s job to not shame victims, support them and ensure we raise better men fit for purpose. Its a gentle man’s duty to understand that No means no and restrain himself. Its a lady’s responsibility to Netflix and chill with sense. What are you doing in a dude’s house at 1am? Does this excuse the guy? NO. But why put yourself in a position where the risk of getting raped is marginally higher. These things should be talked about. The ‘Femynist’ BellaNaijarian cartel should not hound the writer; all aspects to ensure the menace of rape is reduced to the barest minimum ought to be talked about.

    • cindy

      December 8, 2015 at 10:51 pm

      I felt the same too. This is usually the justification rapists give in other to blame victims. This article leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Like someone said, it is usually younger girls who think they can stay over at a guys place and that would be it. I almost fell prey once, I was naive. Thank God the dude did not rape me o. At this age, I know better sha. But Will I am, I expected more from you.

    • arabeela

      December 8, 2015 at 11:20 pm

      I concur. It is the worst thing I have ever read. Almost gives licence to men to do what they please with women who willingly turn up to literally just chill. Disgusting article. For the record if you intend to do more than just chill make your intentions known. Aint nothing sexier than a guy who makes it known he wants you and lets you decide if you are going to go down that route with him. Spring surprise sex on people is all kinds of wrong.

    • Di

      December 9, 2015 at 4:22 am

      I couldn’t go past the first paragraph myself, it felt wrong. Girls have encountered rape through Netflix-chill, if guys make their sexual intentions clear, most girls won’t be accepting the invite. It’s the same old trick, luring unsuspecting women for sex.

      Something else the author said that irked me, insinuating the girls should know the men’s intentions. Like they are so forthcoming with it, deception is the new black. At writer, your article would’ve come off better if you advice ladies on signs to look out for and Naija men on how to take their cheap ass to the brothel.

      Ladies in Nigeria, if you find yourself in a likely rape situation, fight like an unhinged psycho till that erection deflates. Don’t be afraid to bite his neck, ears, poke his eyes with you acrylic nails. Scream till the neighbors hear. If you say it’s rape, and there are no bruises/signs of struggle, it’s hard for the Nigeria neighbors to believe, they will sweep it aside as a lovers’ swat. If you are in US/UK, threaten to call the cops.
      Screw Nigeria and their rape enabling culture!!!

    • William Moore

      December 9, 2015 at 8:32 am

      So if a guy planned to rape a girl he would tell her in advance? The whole point is that the ones that will rape you will NOT tell you, so you have the responsibility of being on your guard ALL the time instead of being unsuspecting which is more likely to make you a victim. When you aren’t sure of the situation you are getting into, you must be prepared for the worst and if that isn’t acceptable, you can decline. And why can’t the woman be responsible to say that she is not open to any intimacy or advancement? Why is this responsibility placed on the man alone? I find it even insulting to women to suggest that the man is constantly in control of all outcomes with this intentions, but that is matter for another conversation. Vigilance is part of maturity, and I am shocked that women being the number one victims of rape aren’t even aware of this and expect some kind of special treatment from men that have proven over and over again to be anything but ideal. Sure in some Utopian universe all men can be trusted to show restraint, but we live on planet earth. The nature of seduction is always subtle so it isn’t very reasonable to expect a guy to be like “by the way after the first episode I will try to stick something in you”. Expecting such is just being naive and unrealistic. Perhaps if you actually finished the article you would have gotten a clearer picture of what it entailed and your reaction stopping at the first paragraph speaks volumes of your emotional bias towards the issue at hand. There is nothing safe about the world we live in and expecting otherwise is very much NOT wise. Seriously, how can you guys not be aware of these dangers? A danger so big the internet is full of memes to show it? I thought this article would be a typical preaching to choir piece that would at most provoke some laughter, but clearly the violent nature of male sexuality is something a lot of women are not fully aware of, which is a shame considering that all straight women have to deal with men. I will say it again, if you aren’t comfortable, ask him questions, if you are still not comfortable, decline. DO NOT put your safety in the hands of a man to tell you what his intentions are. If he doesn’t have good intentions, he will not tell you. In fact, he would lie to you, Guard yourself. Yes, it will not be your fault that you got raped regardless, but at least you would have stood a chance at avoiding it with vigilance.

    • Di

      December 9, 2015 at 3:05 pm

      Moore, you seem like a good-natured person, so I won’t go deep here. Did you see my comment about men going 360′ instantly; ever watched the date rape in ‘For colored girls’ movie? Most girls are not that naive to put their safety in the hands of a stranger, they observe a prospective male, go on public dates wt him and when all the boxes are checked, they are comfortable for private indoor dates. I sometimes ask men their intentions when I can’t decipher, always make my own sexual unreadiness/limits clear, but that is no assurance because most men will respond with more lies, “oh I’m a religious, this is platonic, I’m cool with your limits”.

      No matter how vigilant you are it is no assurance! As a kid in Nigeria, I had two incidents with a professional doctor and a well-respected pastor go 360′ berserk on me once in the confinements of their office! Thank God for good timing and my dad teaching me as a kid how to kick/hit very hard a man’s member when advanced. Bottom line, vigilance doesn’t nearly do it, most men wear deception well. So focus your wordings on them, because that is where the core-problem lies. You lightly touching on that and fully going in on the women is what made it appear ‘rape-enabling’.

      Women don’t solely put the outcome of Netflixing in the hands of men, they go there hoping for a nice cozy date with a guy they are interested in as an outcome. Ever heard a man raped from Netflixing? Men on the other hand, have sex in mind as outcome, hence the rape which is a power struggle for the eventual outcome. So your article should be channeled to my dear men on how to respect and not rape women interested in him.
      Everyone including women have this sexual urges. Cold shower + cold beer, stationary jog etc are just a light tap on the men’s wrist, speaking the full truth on self-discipline and self-control is key, preach that to them.

    • Di

      December 9, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      Rape-enabling is when we put more limelight on the victim rather than on the criminal, questioning the actions of the victim instead of the criminal. e.g. A rape occurs:
      Jane was raped by a man.
      vs
      John raped a woman.
      First sentence puts Jane in the public’s eye for criticism while hiding away John. Second sentence focuses on the criminal as should be.

    • William Moore

      December 9, 2015 at 7:50 am

      Guys, seriously….Just because some of you feel especially sensitive to rape doesn’t give you any reason to interpret this article as anything that supports rape culture. Can you point out where in this article it says that you have no right to complain about being raped if you agreed to “chill”, fully aware of the possibility of this translation I even deliberately put a warning after the post to make it clear, even adding that guys should call her a taxi and send her home if need be and yet somehow I am saying it is okay to rape women or that a woman can be raped for making herself available? This is like someone warning girls not to go to a guy’s house and get drunk, it doesn’t mean you deserve to get raped if you get drunk with a guy in his house, but there is a certain level of responsibility attached to our actions we must be aware of and that is just the reality and maturity. I am sick of this neo-liberal-ultra-hippie wave where writers can’t even express a sentiment for fear of upsetting some group over one issue or the other. Are you telling me knowing what you know today you would advise your daughters to go and watch movies and chill with guys in an intimate spaces if they have not established a level of trust? And is it really out of line to warn her that chances are very high that men in such positions will make advances? So what exactly are you guys talking about? Getting your Rolex stolen in a crime ridden street doesn’t excuse the criminal but is that to say people shouldn’t be at least warned that they could get robbed on these corners? Just because something makes you uncomfortable will not remove the fact that it is a reality and if you plan to Netflix and Chill with a guy without an awareness of the contents of this article you are actually at a higher risk for your ignorance. I make no apologies for what I have written, and if you refuse to accept the inherent risk of Netflix and Chilling, it is still not your fault for getting raped if that happens, but an education on the matter might have made you think twice with the kind of guy you accept such offers from.

    • californiabawlar

      December 9, 2015 at 8:34 am

      I managed to skim through your comment with tired eyes….
      But you didn’t tell us this was a PSA for girls to stay away from Netflixing with guys na….we for no talk anything. In fact we would have thanked you for giving us the guy’s perspective…or would we?
      This no neo-hippie hibby jibby….there’s nothing new about rape or rapey situations and there is definitely nothing new about my stand on the issue…the only thing new here is BNs comment section that’s allowing us air our opinions.
      Anyways, fact remains that the sentiments in your comment were not conveyed in your original article. I know you tried to keep it light, but it is what it is. You could write a million more similar articles that end with a halfassed warning to guys who don’t have the balls to come correct and I wouldn’t be bothered….like I said, it’s our culture in Nigeria.
      So my guy, no need to get defensive….it’s your place to write, it’s ours to interpret.

    • Tosin

      December 9, 2015 at 10:04 pm

      Prudence would say the same, I think. slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/07/dear_prudie_is_drunken_sex_with_my_husband_a_form_of_abuse_.html
      all the way in the white man’s land.

    • whocares

      December 9, 2015 at 10:52 am

      Ok.. for those not aware of the netflix and chill concept. In its ordinary sense. it is when a guy pretty much says come, we will watch a movie and then attempts to do more than movie watching (kissing, making out and pretty much putting his game on. the seduction. note the use of the word here.. this is not to say some guys have not tried to use force and I will not discount that that happens) . The reason so many memes have been generated regarding netflix and chill is due to the deception factor. Let us be practical here. If you go to a guy’s house, you probably are feeling him, he is not a stranger in the ordinary sense of the word and you trust him to some extent. That you go there thinking you are only going to chill is not a crime. Not at all, however the dude then tries it as it is an intimate setting. If he is not strictly a platonic friend and he is toasting you. most netflix and chill offers are from toasters. Now, everyone who has read my comments on BN know I have zero tolerance for rape or things that are not consensual. Most netflix and chill “victims” in the sense of it complain because of the deception… the seduction cos we are not chilling if you are kissing a girl and making her all wet now are you?
      Now, as to rape culture. before netflix, guys have always asked girls to comeover to watch video, this is not the first this has happene.d. however girls need to be encouraged to make practical decisions. I will cut off the hands and balls of any guy that attempts to force a girl but what are you still doing in a dude’s house at 1am? (using my friend as an example) You got there at 5.. you watched movies, you chilled.. pls when is the time to go home? So many victims of netflix and chill are also sometimes dumb. it does not excuse the guy’s action and maaybe I am taking it for granted that no one in my close circle has had a problem with guys stopping when they have demanded that they do.. Has anyone seen the video of the american girl wanting to sue netflix because she went over to netflix and chill and she said the next thing she knew “she was giving the guy head, and then they had sex”.. this was consensual and that is my point. That girls wish to do things, will have consensual sex and in this instance comes back and villify the guy. He kissed your neck, you were wet, and thrw caution to the wind.. aint no shame in that. own up to what you did. Do not come back now and start blaming the netflix and chill guy. In the case of the american girl, In no way did she say he raped her. she was not even concerned with suing the guy. it was consensual sex, .. he had game, he brought it, she fell for it and now she wants to sue netflix.. in as much as i like to cricify guys, i like to advise girls to be practical. I told my friend if you know you do not want whatever it was the guy was offering leave the house at a reasonable time. It was not a party, no one else was there, yet after 12am you did not think, oh let me go home.. you kept on chillign on the bed. of course he tried to kiss you and tried to cop a feel! That is the deception girls are screaming about when it comes to netflix and chill. the making out and trying to persuade you to do more..

    • Tru

      December 9, 2015 at 3:30 pm

      Totally Disagree. How on earth does the article support rape??? if you’re not into a guy or ready to do the do, please, do NOT go to his house. Just don’t. Y’all can meet outside or hang out, but once he invites you over, there is almost ALWAYS an agenda. Your acceptance to come over also sends a message that you want then same thing. Let’s stop kidding ourselves.
      P.S. I found the post to be satirical, hilarious and even cautionary.

    • Tari

      December 12, 2015 at 8:31 am

      Funny enough I just came around to reading this post and your comment caught my attention.
      I have come to accept that the BN team are not as thoughtful as we give them credit for. It is no insult just an honest appraisal of things. I do not want to enforce my perceived conservatism on any ones liberalism but this here is an improperly thought out editing process. No way should this subtle glorification of rape and violation in the name of sounding sauce and modern be published in a self respecting medium.
      It is a slight shame that I, a man cringes at some of the things BN publishes considering that this a site ran and ownes mostly by women. A good portion of the content herein are downright disempowering for womanhood. I have raised such concerns to he BN leadership in my previous incarnation under a previous username but I think business is business at the end of the day.

  15. l

    December 8, 2015 at 9:26 pm

    i had no idea what netflix and chill was until it happened to me. hnmmm… one of my friend (guy) said we should just chill and watch a movie and i said yes! the summary of it all is i almost got raped oh! if i didnt fight my way out of the situation it would have been a different case!! i literally fought my way thank God oh! all this MMX workout that i have been doing in my room helped me and i always carry a pocket knife thanks to my friend!! also, it was later he realised what he was about to do (after the fighting screaming etc..) may God continue to bless his neighbour who came at the right time!!!! after the whole thing i just ended the friendship!! the useless guy had the nerve to tell me that he wasnt trying to rape me.. so what were you doing!!!
    few days later i told my friends and all of them said “ahhhh it was netflix and chill now” i had to google!!! my lawd…. i gasped. but all in all i Thank God. i can boldly say ladies never accept such proposal from any man not even your boyfriend.
    stupid guy!

    • DD

      December 12, 2015 at 1:32 pm

      Glad you were able to get away. Same thing happened to a friend of mine.

  16. Girl

    December 8, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    I have never successfully ‘netflixed and chilled’ I mean literally. Something must always happen. Maybe because I always see it like I put myself in the situation and shouldn’t be complaining. So I just always go with the flow whether I want or not. I have stopped visiting guys tho whether I’m sure of their intentions or not, cause ALL the times I did, something happened. And I never resist. I’m weak in that aspect.

  17. k

    December 8, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    netflix and chill keh , mba o. anything wey happen i no need to complain na me carry my leg go there. I don’t go to people house like that. i don’t want akoba abeg. Some guy was telling me to come watch movie at his house. I was like what?????????? what happened to the cinema? SMH

    • Tari

      December 12, 2015 at 9:01 am

      Maybe he has a cinema in his house 🙂

  18. Aisha

    December 9, 2015 at 3:28 am

    While it may be tempting to draw the conclusion that the writer was trying to justify rape, I think all he was trying to do through this article is to “draw the ears” of girls, ladies, women to the stark reality of the moral break down amongst some males and take necessary precautions.

    • californiabawlar

      December 9, 2015 at 6:28 am

      You’re probably right…but a good writer would not leave the readers polarized or trying to tease out what he meant….especially with something as dicey as this.
      He could have clearly stated what you typed in his article. Instead his tone through the entire article made it seem like girls ACT clueless…when even at 23 and being one of the sharpest girls in my own eyes, I still walked into a room with a dude. Ifeanyi also jokingly asks why the reverse never the case? Errr…me thinks the equivalent of that is how girls catch feelings when a guy is just being nice….but we don’t force them to the alter now do we? at least not without being called out for it….we discuss this every time on BN.
      I hate to sound like a ‘sensitive feminist’
      or whatever….especially since there so many materials out there that are similar, I saw one skit titled story for the gods or something like that the other day and just shook my head and kept it moving…you can’t police the world, their voice or their expressions….I only responded because BN was trying to justify it as people being overly politically correct….which is wrong.
      Ifeanyi, I love you, but next time, lets make our articles less…errrr…..rapey.

    • Alright

      December 9, 2015 at 9:08 am

      The writer cannot cater to everyone’s situation. I don’t agree with the writer however I know that this article will enlighten a lot of people.

  19. Rani

    December 9, 2015 at 6:48 am

    Now had he written 3 paragraphs on how a guy should make his intentions clear before the invite or control himself because he is a human being not an animal, this article would’ve been a balanced one …..

  20. nikky

    December 9, 2015 at 6:50 am

    I think language is the problem. Not everyone keeps up with the ever evolving pop culture meaning of everyday words or phrases. Clarity is key. If you want to watch movie say so, if you want to have sex say so. I have male friends I hang out with even sleep over sef without any hanky Panky. I know there are people in this world that believe that believe that honoring an invitation to watch movies at night means sex. That’s fine if your guests knows what’s on your mind. But just to save yourself any wahala or awkward situation tell her what you are really looking forward to and not act like a complete jerk when she turns down your advances because no be waitin day her mind be that.
    Shout out to people that know how to respect themselves. Not everyone that smiles at you, hangs out with you or watches netflix with you wants to have sex.

  21. Chacha

    December 9, 2015 at 10:05 am

    “Download your own shows or get a female chilling buddy”, shi-ke-na.

    Ifeanyi hasn’t supported any rape culture already people. I watch alone. I can’t shout… Plus I can’t be joking around (pushing my luck) with “ifeanyi’s property” before marriage 🙂
    ***its your wife from the Netherlands***

    • William Moore

      December 9, 2015 at 10:27 am

      Ahhhhh! I was just thinking of you like two days ago. This is a spiritual somethings lol. I hope you are keeping well in the winter. Biko let me e-mail you before somebody throws sand-sand in my garri. They want to kill me in Bella today. My juju pass dia own!

    • Chacha

      December 9, 2015 at 2:41 pm

      Honestly! See you see trouble! BN people have no chill today. Mchw. I’ll DM you now… LOL @spiritual somethings

  22. LEM

    December 9, 2015 at 10:10 am

    I don’t know why so many people are reading meanings into William’s write up. I happen to think he made a lot of sense and he is stating the absolute truth. I can totally relate to this as well. Growing up, most of my friends were male but I made sure I was never in a situation where any mistaken attempt at any nonsense could be made (thanks mostly to advice from older brothers and cousins). It was either we hung out in a public place or if we were doing the private chill, a friend or more of mine always went along (safety in numbers) The only time I did the Netflix and chill alone (my case was movies though) was with someone I DID like and was willing to do stuff with (LOL!). Truth is there are many bad people and there will continue to be bad people around us. No woman will ever be blamed for being raped no matter the circumstances but where possible we should try not to put ourselves in vulnerable positions cos no matter what happens you will forever live with the trauma of what happened to you even if the MOFO gets a life sentence. So please I think the article should be carefully digested as I personally do not see how it promotes rape culture in any way.

  23. Daizzy

    December 9, 2015 at 10:59 am

    So I wanna assume some of you all ain’t that naive? Common a man invites you to Netflix and chill and you think you all gonna be seeing just a movie? I think it’s rather silly to assume just because your intentions might be innocent, the other person’s intentions are! I havd never visited any guy’s house I wasn’t involved with romantically. Even my platonic male friends know this! If you wanna hang out and it ain’t a public one, count me out. I trust no one and owe myself that responsibility of staying safe.

    • Tru

      December 9, 2015 at 3:38 pm

      WORD.

    • Tari

      December 12, 2015 at 8:58 am

      I agree completely with your last part but if you also for any reason whatsoever visit a guy who you are not romantically involved with, he has no right to take advantage. Even the one you are romantically involved with has no right.
      That is the koko of the argument.

  24. ZD

    December 9, 2015 at 11:17 am

    Poor Ifeanyi… wrong place for your article, my man… Next time try ‘The Naked Convos’ for articles like this. More matured environment.

  25. Niola

    December 9, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    I am old! am i going to soon start using oil of olay eye cream with my mum ? Never heard of these words until now, ‘Netflix and chill’. In fact even ‘meme’ thank God for Wikipedia. I guess that means I have to join twitter and instagram to keep up with trends.. o ga it is well oo.. anyway what I could extrapolate from your Article is some sort of admonition to women visiting male friends or having a good sense of judgment as to a guy’s intention, am I right? anyway visiting a guy or whatever doesn’t necessarily mean its an acceptance to sleep with you, sure the girl may be interested in the guy and that may just be more of an intimate avenue to get to know him better, its no justification for anyone whatsoever to take advantage of that, that is just so immature

    • Tosin

      December 9, 2015 at 6:12 pm

      it’s sort of a new thing i think, just suddenly started popping up all over the place. a few weeks, months, no longer.

  26. The real D

    December 9, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    I am a woman by the way but I see nothing in this article promoting rape.
    The truth is too often many of us tend to play the victim without taking full responsibility for the role we played in enabling certain situation. Yes for a disciplined man, No is No and rape or any sort of abuse is not wrong but not all men and women are disciplined. when you are in a man’s house at 1am you are definitely sending a message across,if at 20, you entering a man’s/woman’s bedroom to “chill” and you don’t realize there is a message being passed across then something is wrong . Educating people about passing across the right message be it verbal or nonverbal is important. Any grown person that claims not to know what Mr. Author has written to be true,lies and lives in self deceit. The truth is we are constantly communicating and in fact most communications are non verbal so enough of playing the victim . Let’s start educating ourselves and her daughters.
    Btw, this almost happened to me in high school so know this is not something I take lightly: A bunch of guys(guys were a year ahead) had bet money on successfully raping me, one of the guys lived close to the school and they had invited me over (which they did on occasion with other classmates male and female alike) only for me to get there and there were only a handful of guys, I was in JSS2/3 then but my inner alarm started going off. So if at that young age I knew something was off how much more an adult?. That was the last time I ever went to chill with anyone or people of the opposite sex that is not family even cousins self na living room we chill. I found out later that a neighbour who was in on the bet and was the only reason I was comfortable going in to begin with was the one that told them they had better let me go. I know he was scared cos me I would have talked and my mama and papa would have gotten all of them killed and that is no joke or exaggeration as for the neighbor is own would have been double death cos his father would have murdered him first. These are important lessons I would teach my kids and we need to be honest with ourselves about. Yes rape is wrong and should be punished by law but as adults we should also be wary about placing ourselves in compromising situations. Why do you think some of these law suits against celebrities are thrown out???

  27. The real D

    December 9, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    *****rape or abuse of any sort is Wrong**********

  28. Tosin

    December 9, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    singing
    let there be sense shared among us,
    so if you semi-want to hook up with someone but have a bit of a block like because you’re a good girl , and you’ve been semi-putting the moves on the boy(s) you like, and they help and meet you half-way, you have therefore been victimized? What about the people that have in fact been victimized?
    Stupid oyinbo people.

    This article is educating boys on no-means-no, and educating girls that just as they get horny, boys get horny too.

  29. Mmmm

    December 9, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    Pls does anyone want to ‘netflix and chill with me…’ of course i might attempt anytin u dont like feel free to say no…and i would respect ur no! Lol

  30. Busola Adedire

    Oluwabusola Adedire

    December 9, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    Where was I when all these interesting debates were ongoing? I read this article yesterday, and from my comprehension, it suggests that a woman should be smart enough to know that ‘netflix and chill’ is an indirect way of a man asking you for sex. It’s common sense really!

    • Tari

      December 12, 2015 at 8:51 am

      Yes it is common sense but accepting that common sense is like rationalizing rape. It is like saying because you went to his house to watch movie, it is your fault that he raped you.

    • Oluwabusola Adedire

      December 13, 2015 at 1:26 am

      I am not rationalizing rape but ‘common sense’ is available for women to discern the different types of guys out there…. First of all, a good man will not ask you for ‘netflix and chill’… And if he requires you to come over, some level of trust must have been established… but even with that, human beings are human beings. If you are not strong enough to be confronted by certain things, do yourself a favour and minimise the possibilties. My comment is not to support those who exploit a woman’s vulnerabilities… But Life itself, is not black and white. We should teach our daughters safety because it matters, and also the boys, self control.

  31. alexfrizzle

    December 9, 2015 at 7:38 pm

    TOSIN I don’t always agree with what you say but I always look forward to your comments. Lol

  32. alexfrizzle

    December 9, 2015 at 7:39 pm

    BTW tosin are you male, female or plural gender? Lol

    • Tosin

      December 9, 2015 at 9:57 pm

      merci, alexei.
      and
      gender same as Emily Yoffe
      slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2012/07/dear_prudie_is_drunken_sex_with_my_husband_a_form_of_abuse_.html ,
      to the best of my knowledge. sort of. maybe.

  33. bcga

    December 10, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    Once the subject matter is about rape or rape related matter, be it on Twitter or any other social media platform, most women, in their paranoia & emotional states, throw away their thinking caps and go balistic, not caring whose if is gored all in an attempt to condemn rape.

    Reason, not rage that’s how we can collectively tackle the issue of rape in our society.

    Peace to Jerusalem.

  34. Omo

    December 11, 2015 at 8:53 am

    The women that say this promotes rape culture are the sort that don’t want to take responsibility, you cannot eat your cake and have it. First it was let me dress how I want, a man cannot cat call, touch, grab, rape me. Now okay dress however but at least use common sense and go about with a man with a good deal of reasonable caution, what are you doing alone with him in his house esp at a late hour…. still mba… even if I come to your house, room, bed.. still don’t bla bla… Nonsense, even if the law does capture rapists and assaulters what had happened has happened. May God bless us with basic common sense (GODLY wisdom is reserved for the matured). Amen. There are two sexes in this world and we respond to each other, women don’t exist in a vacuum (men too of course). You cannot know for sure another person’s action/reaction, all you can do is do what’s reasonably expected of you to the best of your ability. I won’t talk too much, it’s late and I’m sleepy.

  35. Na wah

    December 11, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    Lao basically every man is a potential rapist.. And should be treated as such. I think of all the times a my platonic friends have casually visited my house, how naive was I to think that sex was not on their mind. Damn

    • Tari

      December 12, 2015 at 8:46 am

      This comment is he reason why I remain a strong advocate on these issues. Your comment is a sad indictment and could rob you of healthy relationships that life has to offer.
      Not every male is a potential rapist. Without being special, some of us have held down very fruitful platonic relationships. Without being a saint, I have had a friend,one who I find very attractive at that, come holiday in a country where I lived and for a while week slept in my bed without as much as a cuddle. I lived in a bachelor pad and each time she entered the bathroom, I took a stroll and came back ehn she was fully dressed. Exploiting sexual openings in the name of opportunity is not something every man does. Those of is who respect boundaries are no saints. In some of our books, even runs girls are allowed to have boundaries. We all do not all subscribe to Olamide’s STORY FOR THE GODS

    • Tee

      December 12, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      This guy enh……. biko are you single? You’re a ma after my heart…….. I’m not even joking o! Healthy relationship & all…….. if you’re unavailable, is your brother or close friend(s) like you?

      Where are all the good men like Tari?

  36. chi-e-z

    December 13, 2015 at 3:39 am

    just watch karishika… ain’t gon be no freaking chillin 4 anyone or sleep 😀

  37. Amaris Ifedi

    January 20, 2016 at 7:02 am

    As one reader commented, this article is “satirical” and “cautionary” and there is nothing “dicey” about Netflix & Chilling. For the sake of more than a handful of BN readers that misinterpreted your overall message, consider writing a separate article that expounds on your post script. Perhaps..

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